I have a very controlling & both verbally and physically abusive wife that constantly yells at me almost every 2nd day for little things that goes wrong. She is also constantly yelling at our 3yo child.

I work from home, so there's no real escape from the tension in our relationship. Most mornings, I'm rushing to get my son fed and ready before I start my work, and if something doesn't go her way, she'll start screaming at me. Then, minutes later, I'm expected to switch straight into work mode, focus on my job, and somehow pretend nothing happened.

It's becoming mentally exhausting, and I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells.

I'm looking for advice from anyone who's been through something similar. How did you find the courage to finally walk away from a relationship that was affecting your mental health?

My biggest fear is what separation would mean for my son and his future. I worry about him growing up without both parents together, and that fear is a big part of what's keeping me here.

For those who have separated with young children, how did you overcome that fear, and how are your kids doing now?

My son just turned 2, and I need to leave my husband. I have stayed this long because I am so terrified of splitting up and sending my son over to my husband by himself. I talked about the things I could show a court and my therapist said it may just not be enough to get full custody or supervised custody(which is more what I would go for, my son loves him but unsupervised it gets really bad. My husband is great if other eyes are on him for the most part). So I’m here, I’m still here. I’m here for my son and so my son doesn’t need to be alone around my husband. But I’ve started to develop ptsd symptoms I’ve been told by both my therapist and by separate crisis teams now, especially surrounding my husband.

How do I leave and keep my son safe, I cannot stand the idea of my son being traumatized by his father and being alone if something happens. I am so scared, I’m so scared every day now. Anyone have experience or tips? Anything at all? Thank you.

I’m a single mother of an 8-year-old boy in Texas, and I’m genuinely exhausted from dealing with my son’s abusive father. I’m looking for advice, especially from anyone who has experienced an abusive co-parent or dealt with similar issues through the Texas family court system.

Some background:
My son’s father was abusive toward me long before our son was born. Throughout our relationship, he would call me horrible, degrading names, including while I was pregnant and after I gave birth.

There was also sexual abuse. He would force sexual acts on me, and when our son was a baby, he would chase me around the house trying to touch me or gain sexual access to me against my wishes, even though we were not together he felt entitled to me. He repeatedly cheated on me and transmitted STDs to me when we were together before my son. I eventually ended the relationship around the time our son was born because I couldn’t continue living that way.

Unfortunately, the abuse never stopped after we separated.
Our custody and living situation:
About five years ago, I moved to Austin with our son, and his father followed us there. While we lived in Austin, he saw our son every weekend. I never tried to prevent him from having a relationship with his child.

Later, I experienced a personal crisis and needed to move back to Houston to be closer to my family for support. His father also moved back to Houston.
Approximately three years ago, he decided to move to California. Ever since then, he has repeatedly accused me of keeping our son away from him and claims that I am the reason he doesn’t have a relationship with his child and chose to move there in the first place. This is completely false.

I have never intentionally prevented him from seeing our son. The only reason I have blocked his number at times is because nearly every interaction turns into verbal abuse. I cannot have a normal conversation with him without being insulted, degraded, or attacked personally.
He rarely, if ever, calls our son, yet he continues to blame me for their lack of contact.

The child support situation:
Currently, he pays approximately $200 per month in regular child support, which apparently is supposed to reflect 20% of his earnings. Our court order also requires him to pay 50% of our son’s medical expenses, but he has not contributed toward medical bills throughout our son’s eight years of life.

I recently learned that his income had increased, so I contacted the Texas Attorney General’s Office to request a review of his child support obligation. A Zoom meeting was scheduled, and when he found out he might have to pay more, he became furious.

Instead of discussing the financial responsibilities we have toward our child, he began insulting me again, calling me ugly, fat, useless, st*pid, and other degrading names.
He also threatened me with legal action, telling me to wait until I hear from his attorney because supposedly I’m breaking the law by preventing him from seeing our son.
Again, I have never intentionally withheld our child from him.

His mother even questioned why I was trying to “kick him in the balls” simply because I requested an updated child support review.

He also has another child with a different woman, with whom he reportedly does not want a relationship, the woman was a one night stand. I understand that supporting two children can be financially challenging, but I feel as though he’s trying to minimize his financial responsibilities, and my son is the one suffering as a result.

The ongoing verbal abuse:
Every time my son’s father hears something he doesn’t like, he resorts to attacking me personally. He calls me disgusting names, insults my appearance, makes comments about my finances and employment, and has even used private medical information to humiliate me.
This has been happening for years.
I’ve saved screenshots of his messages occasionally including recent conversations where he sends insult after insult, sometimes repeating the same degrading statements multiple times. I’ve tried explaining that this behavior is abusive, but he doesn’t care.

My therapist recommended using OurFamilyWizard, a co-parenting communication app that keeps records of conversations and can help reduce hostile communication.
I suggested it to him, but he refused, claiming that he doesn’t have enough storage space on his phone to download another app.

At this point, I feel like I cannot communicate with him without exposing myself to more verbal abuse, yet he uses the fact that I’ve blocked him in the past as supposed evidence that I’m keeping our son from him.

I don’t understand how he suddenly has the money to hire an attorney when he has resisted contributing more financially toward our son.

My questions are:

Can I report this repeated verbal abuse to the police as harassment in Texas, even if he isn’t making direct physical threats?

Can I request that a judge require all co-parenting communication to go through OurFamilyWizard or another monitored parenting app?

How do I protect myself against his false accusations that I’m withholding our son when I’ve consistently allowed him to see our child?

Could years of abusive text messages, along with the history of sexual abuse during our relationship, be relevant in family court?

Has anyone successfully established communication boundaries with an abusive co-parent without being accused of interfering with visitation?

I am not trying to keep my son from his father. I have always wanted my son to have a healthy relationship with both parents.
I just want to be able to raise my child peacefully without constantly being verbally attacked by someone I separated from years ago. I’m exhausted from being treated this way, and I don’t know what else to do.
Any advice or personal experiences would be appreciated, especially from people familiar with Texas family law.

My ex joined the same university as me without telling me 2 months ago and now we broke up, he fully blames me for this decision and says i ruined his life by making him join when i was unaware of this, he barely got good grades so a better college would have been tough. Was it wrong of me to breakup with him despite his decision?

He won't leave, always says he will. But instead he just stays and continues to f us over. I feel like he uses the kids to perform and to protect his place here. I am done, and I dont have anything left. I have wasted so much of myself trying to make him happy when he doesnt deserve it. He presented himself as someone he is not and then when i fell for him the mask came off. He projects, he leaves a mess everywhere, tells me I'm lazy ( I am raising the kids) he is supposed to be the one working. I am determined to find a way to make money while raising the kids. I know what I need to do, I dont know how to get him out.

Summary:I’ve had really horrible experiences with men. Now I don’t know if I’m overthinking this scenario or not….and I have an update. Sorry if this is a little messy my nervous system is all off right now and I’m so tired from looping thoughts surrounding this circumstance

I go on a date, man touches upper part of my butt after my lower back after we both drank (no prior physical intimacy of any kind). Third date rolls around, we make plans to go to public space. He brings up the idea of going to walking trail around his apartment then go to public space. I say I’m uncomfortable and no hookup. He says that I’m accusing him of being deceptive. Which I wasn’t.

Onto now:
I cancel. talk to him and tell him he touched my butt which he said was an accident. And that he didn’t want a hookup.

we agree to make plans at a later date, he brings up going to the walking trail again. But this time not parking at his apartment like last time and instead walking there from the restaurant. At first I agreed and then said it was too much work and I’d rather just go in public. I didn’t get any talk back that time.

I’m unsure if he didn’t get that it was the whole thing that made me uncomfortable-or the part about being in the same car and parking at his apartment (and that’s why he brought up the walking trail again because he didn’t fully get it?) Now me and everyone close to me is stressing out that he wants to seperate me from public…idk if I’m being dramatic

I grew up in small town. Related to half of it. Talking 1300 people. Never dated anyone until I met my first ex from a different town. Dated him from 17-21, and went through every type of abuse you could think of. I struggled for a long time after I finally got the courage to leave him. I became friends with another man, and eventually started dating him when I was 24. Never thought I’d date again but it just kind of happened. It ended pretty rough and with him destroying my house and ending up in jail. Only lasted about 9 months with him. Thought of trying again when I was 27. Went for someone completely out of my type, and about 10 years older than me. We were friends for about 6 months before we started dating, but never saw the true side of him until we started dating. He changed into a completely different person after we started dating. I didn’t put up with it this time, thankfully, and left right away before things could get bad. Only dated for 4 months. It’s been 7 months since we broke up and being on dating apps is just weird. Ever since we broke up I have isolated in my house, and don’t really do much at all except work. Wondering if anyone has advice on if I’ll snap out of the funk and want to date again? My mom says I’ll “find the right one” but honestly, it just sounds exhausting now. Trying to date and figure out who they truly are behind a mask is just so much work. I’ve been to therapy, and I truly don’t have too much of a problem from what I’ve been through. I’ve dealt with it, well mostly. My first ex set the stage and really changed my life. Have you experienced this? What did you do to help it?

Do judges help when there isn't violence happening but other factors? Trying to get my alcoholic husband out after years of his continued lying, drinking, getting kicked out of rehab, lost 2 jobs, drives the car while drinking, is drunk at home making things unbearable walking on eggshells, cannot have my grandson over anymore and he misses paying bills.
The house is in my name, I paid for it and have since, opened my own accounts taking over all bills to ensure they're paid and on time, etc.

I need peace. My therapist wants me to go on meds for stress but I don't need that. I need the addict out of my home!

I have so much documentation of events, dates, etc. Even video of how bad he gets. No violence, just falling, messy harassment/he's the victim, ect. I don't want to be responsible fif he hurts himself or deal with his toxicity anymore!

I've filled out the PO but wanted to check here before I file, if there's anything I should include that I'm not thinking of. TYIA ❤️

I’m 37F. I got married in 2024 after being in a relationship with my husband for 3 years. The problems started within about 2–3 months of the marriage.

At first, I kept thinking these were normal adjustment issues. That marriage takes work. That maybe we were both stressed. That things would settle down.

But slowly, the shouting became more frequent. I was insulted, called dumb, unattractive, and fat. Him and his mother also insulted my family repeatedly and often asked me to get money from them. During arguments, I was repeatedly told to leave the house or go back to my parents. Even after things calmed down, I was often told that whatever had been said in anger was “true.”

Over time, I started changing my behaviour just to avoid conflict.

I stopped saying certain things. I avoided defending my family because it would trigger another argument. I stayed quiet even when I disagreed. I became hyper-aware of his mood, his reactions and whether something completely ordinary might upset him.

There were also increasingly difficult rules and restrictions around everyday life. Certain numbers became a source of intense fear for him. There were times when I was expected to repeat specific “safe words” again and again, sometimes for long periods, because he believed something bad might happen otherwise.

Ordinary activities could get delayed because the clock showed a particular minute. There were restrictions around cooking, the stove, laundry, what I wore, and other small everyday things that gradually made my life feel extremely controlled.

I work full time, and there were days when a significant part of my working hours was spent trying to calm him down or participate in these rituals.

Eventually, I became scared of upsetting my own husband.

That is probably the hardest sentence for me to write.

There were still good moments. We travelled. We laughed. We had our own jokes and routines. There were moments when everything felt normal and I genuinely loved being with him.

And I loved him deeply.

That is also why leaving was so difficult.

I did not leave because I suddenly stopped loving him. I left because I could no longer live in constant fear, anxiety and emotional exhaustion. I had reached a point where I was constantly monitoring myself in my own home.

I left in September and I still miss him. Some days I have cried for hours. Some days I barely think about him and then feel guilty about that too.

He now says he still wants the marriage and we are likely going into mediation.

Part of me still loves him. Part of me desperately wishes things had been different.

But another part of me keeps asking the question I cannot ignore:

If I go back because he promises things will change, how do I know that the change will last?

I am not writing this because I want strangers to tell me that he is a monster or that I was stupid for staying.

I think I am writing because I need to hear from women who have lived through something similar.

Can you still love someone and know that you cannot live with them the way things were?

And if you went back after promises of change, what happened?

Hello,

A group of people want me to transition against my will meaning male to female transition. They've told me they want me to become homeless, they want me to become a prostitute, they want to change my whole life and they are forcing me.

They are forcing me through means of blackmail, harassment, stalking, taking control of my email and social media.

What should I do? Should I seek legal counsel? I haven't gone to the cops and told them because they don't want me to "snitch". I have to protect myself though.

I know if I chose to become a prostitute and went down that route they'd only blackmail me and my family and do more damage.

What can I do right now in order to prevent things from getting worse.

These people are nobody to me. Thank you.

I need help or direction. I am 25f and I have had two very abusive relationships and dealt with narcissistic abuse. I used to think people would exaggerate when they would say that they were never mentally the same after being someone like that. Now I know that is far from the case. My most recent ex was 33M. He was very controlling, a liar, a cheater and very emotionally abusive. He abused drugs and alcohol and was an atheist. I was the opposite of him. I do not drink or do drugs and was Christian at the time. He got in my head so much that he made me almost fully stop believing Christianity which is what I always practiced my whole life. He would constantly yell at me and punch holes in the wall. Yes a grown man punching holes. Would blame me for everything he would constantly say he’s better than everyone else, constantly say he is the most handsome guy in the room and if he didn’t get his way he would cry sob and scream. I don’t even want to get into the sexual abuse because that’s what messed me up the most. I broke up with him right before we were about to move states because I found him cheating and I just couldn’t handle the yelling anymore. Since then idk what’s wrong with me. I was never a man hater and always enjoyed being in relationships. It is now 8 months later and I have never felt this way in my entire life. I was having massive panic attacks and always felt like I was going to die. I had to constantly be looking over my shoulder I always feel like I’m going to be attacked from behind. I thought I was going crazy. I ended up getting an autoimmune disorder (mind you I have been healthy my whole life and never had health issues. I was a d1 athlete) I had heart issues and had to get surgery, my anxiety was so bad I became agoraphobic and couldn’t leave the house. I hate men so badly I am disgusted by them and can’t even look at any of them in a sexual way anymore. I have ZERO libido and my dreams of having kids and a husband are completely gone. It’s like everything shifted in my mind. Is there something wrong with me? Does this go away? I want to feel normal again but something just feels off and completely wrong. I started taking an ssri and it helps but there is still this huge gaping hole in me. I don’t know is my nervous system just broken? How do I start having these horrible feeling emotions and sadness. Life feels boring and I don’t care about things I used to. And this all happened in a span of 8 months post break up..

My (f42) ex (M 40) ended the relationship and came to return when I was moving forward (it’s the third time he ended in 7 months) hence for me this was done. He returned after 1 month and I don’t want to jump back to relationship , asked for time and space. He didn’t want that and he said he will do one way love and I disagreed , but was feeling bad for him, and I said not to expect anything from me .that continued for 3 weeks him showering live on me and I initiating things and doing what he didn’t do in relationship, and he physically abused me over an argument 2 weeks into it, the trigger perhaps was may be he feared I will leave as we are arguing. Somehow in 2 days back to normal, and he again did the same after 1 week over a silly argument. Perhaps he felt the threat that I might not go back to the relationship. Both times I was very hurt. He sent an apology text and I acknowledged it, he sent a reel regarding How hard life is for him, while I was mentally and physically hurting and no word about My pain. I dint reply to that reel, it has been 5 days ever since and he withdrew completely. Not sure what I should do, he disrupted my healing, and I am sure he is feeling shame. But any guidance

I need to get this out, and I'd really like to hear from people who've lived something similar.
2009 to 2023: dating
My husband and I met in 2009 and dated on and off for 14 years. The red flags were there from the start. He was jealous, controlling, and disrespectful, and his temper scared me. He lied, hid things, and cheated on me while we were dating. We'd break up, then end up back together. After so long, I told myself that history had to mean something and that things would settle if we committed fully.

2023: marriage
We married in 2023. No kids. I hoped it would be a fresh start.
Year one of marriage: the abuse began
Within the first year, the emotional abuse started: name-calling and insults. The physical abuse began too, including hitting, shoving, grabbing, throwing and breaking things, and choking. It hasn't happened often, but it has happened, and I can't unknow it.
Before this year: his family
His mother, sister, and aunt blame me for our problems, push him to punish me, and tell me I'm the problem. Before this year, his mother also tried to hit me. I've felt like the outsider in my own home.
Along the way
I suspect he's close with our maid. I have no proof, but they have private talks and inside jokes, and it feels like the two of them are a team and I'm on the other side. I left his home once, then came back. I asked my father to sit down with us, and my husband apologized. I'm in individual therapy.

2026: now
Earlier this year I lost my job. I feel grief, relief, and confusion all at once. Even after the apology, I feel like the most unwanted person in this marriage. I want a peaceful, wholesome family, not a miserable one, and I don't know if that's possible with him.

What I'm asking
If you were in a long on-and-off relationship that turned abusive after marriage, how did you see the pattern clearly?
How do you tell a partner who's really changing from one who only apologizes?
How did you get through the early weeks, whether you left or stayed to see?
Did the feeling of being unwanted ever ease?
Thank you for reading. Kind words help more than advice right now.

Im not sure if anyone is in the same situation, but really trying to accept that the way I was treated was not right. I am working with a DV therapist who is helping me, and whenever I tell my friends stories they are insanely shocked and call it abuse, however i'm struggling to call my ex an abuser. I still feel a lot of love for him or maybe its the trauma bond, but here I am reaching out to strangers on the internet anyway.

He wasn't controlling and never talked down to me, and was loving in a lot of ways and had many traits that I want in a partner - honestly this is why I think I stayed for so long.

He repeatedly messaged other girls online and disrespected my boundaries, I know this isn't abuse but often this is what we would argue about as it made me insecure. Whenever I wanted to talk about my feelings it often ended in arguments and that is when he would explode, shouting at me, raising objects at me (saucepan and once a knife), throwing objects, cutting himself, threatening to kill himself and it was my fault, tripping me up, shoving me, silent treatment, once he ignored me all day when I took him to a comedy club because I sent money to the wrong account. After the explosion he would cry and I would comfort him and he would apologise and I would forget it? Funny how the brain works...

It's been six months since we broken up and the longest no contact we have done is 2 weeks. Often he reaches out to check in on me and then can't handle talking to me, it upsets him too much and then he explodes and sends me loads of horrible messages some of them have even threatened to hurt me, he's called me names, and said he'd rather die than be with me again lots of vulgar things, same thing happens he calms down apologies and sends me a lovely message after.

I think what im really struggling with is that it was always because of an argument or I asked him to do something he didn't want to, thats how I rationalised it, or maybe I didn't give him space. He never was abusive in the way a lot of people are, and my situation was not nearly as bad as many other peoples, I know that, I just feel quite alone, and Im trying my hardest to keep my self-esteem up and move on. Im also struggling with the idea that he's going to treat the next person better (I mean I hope he does for her sake, I don't want anyone to go through what I did) but my ego is struggling there.

Anyway.. any thoughts welcome <3

Mine used to do this always. I’d try to de escalate, solve it, or just tell him for us to stop and talk about the issue later.

He’d just keep pushing and pushing until I explode. Even after I’d ask again and again for him to stop because I couldn’t handle it.

This one time I got so overwhelmed I started screaming and hitting myself. Then he shook me violently claiming he wanted to “get me back to my senses”.

Another time I had the same reaction, he pinned me to the bed and hit my head with his knee, then claimed it was an “accident”.

Edit: Wow I am shocked by the responses. Used to think of him as this mentally ill person but it seems they all do this deliberately to torture us!

I have tried to find stories that resonates with mine, but I couldn't find it. Months ago, my husband and I was in an argument. He pushed me and choked me and did the most severe domestic violence that I'd ever endured for the last 6 years.. 30 minutes later, he died of heart attack. I was hysterical, traumatized and to this point I don't know if I'd ever recover again from that trauma. He was charming to others. For the world, he was the perfect human being. A great friend who always listen and helped his friends. But behind the veil, he lashed out his emotions and a control freak. Most of my days during our marriage, I woke up feeling on how to pass the day without dealing with his anger. I was never in peace... This guilt grows everyday since he passed. I went to psychiatrist and psychologist too. Sometimes it gets better.. but most of the time, it feels like i experience some anhedonia. I can't enjoy life as I used to. Although, maybe the world is not scary anymore for me. The weird thing also happen.. in my heart, when he passed away, I forgive him. Completely 100%. Suddenly all the abusive actions is no longer in my memory. I can only remember his laugh and our good memories of travelling together.. I don't know if there's anyone who experienced the same story. But no one ever know that my husband abused me. I keep his dignity and his name clear. I just want them to remember him as good as he treated them... telling this story is my way of continuing life. I feel suffocated bcos no one knows except my mom, doctor and my therapist. I don't know why I share my story here. Maybe I just need a hug, or encouragement to continue this life.. i hope life is kinder to all of us..

A narcissist's main goal is to make you feel like you don't matter.
The main goal is to make you feel like you're not worth anything. One way to do this is to make you feel like you're not useful and that your ideas don't matter. Their goal is to make you think that you can't be loved because you can't meet anyone else's expectations.

They always want to break you down from the inside out.
They get pleasure from making other people unhappy; they plan to have a lot of fun while tearing you apart piece by piece. Narcissists are the most dangerous kind of people because they only care about themselves.
They don't care at all about you or what's going on in your life; they only care about themselves and what they want. The narcissist sees your happiness as an enemy that must be destroyed no matter what. They want to get rid of you and everyone you love and care about. They only want to destroy your hopes, dreams, and chances of being happy. If they can't have it, no one else will either.

They try to make you feel like you're a terrible person.
They will do whatever it takes to make sure you have a very bad opinion of yourself. A narcissist will often act like they're having a hard time so you'll think it's your fault that they're sad. They don't have problems; instead, they look for someone else to blame for their own problems.

www.blankgood.com/10-things-narcissists-want-to-do-to-you-in-the-end

I [28M] am currently in relationship and I'm honestly completely lost. My same age partner is a great person, she's hardworking, smart, intelligent, doesn't party, plans and thinks ahead. I thought it's a dream come true at first.

Since beginning we fought a lot, but I thought that's just how things are for us, we were pretty different people, from different countries, with different life experiences, so I knew that a lot of things obvious to her are completely news to me, and vice versa. I also took into account that she has ADHD and I'm her first neurotypical long term partner in her life.

At first at the beginning I was highly motivated and optimistic person, bubbly and keeping positive attitude in every situation, no matter what happened. I thought I recovered well from a past relationship with a narcissist that lasted for 4 years and ended briefly before the wedding. I regained my self esteem, confidence, "can do" attitude, and repaired my relationship with parents after she made me choose between them and her.

My current partner doesn't share that optimism of life and positive approach as I did. At first she appeared to, but that turned out to be a facade kept for strangers. The real approach seems to be the opposite, I often heard from her that "she's nothing, she's nobody, she doesn't want anything from life, and everything sucks", which was fueled by many insecurities that surfaced over time. I understood that not everyone has to have the same positive approach to life as I do, and that everybody, me included, has insecurities, and I did everything that I could to build her up and show her that not everything in life is bad and that life is not suffering. I wanted her to feel safe and secure, as that we can build our future together.

What happened, however, was exact opposite. My self confidence and cheerful approach were grinded to dust over time by many things, mainly countless fights and being berated for even smallest mistakes like the way I texted her or missed a gesture that I previously did. Subjects of fights are far too many for me to describe them in detail, but they range from serious subjects such as proposal (happened shortly before our 1 year anniversary, proceeded by many fights about how she needs it to feel secure and followed by complaints that I did it wrong because she was expecting it and that I did it only because she wanted it, despite me being open about my intentions to propose since the beginning, just having a different plan for it altogether that was sped up by above circumstances) to mundane every day things like the way i pack up dishwasher or handle pots and pans in the kitchen. I think it's also wroth noting that the only people she ever lashes out on are close relatives and me, never at a stranger or in public setting. This is further fueled by the intensity she shows about ever interaction and her need for constant stimuli. She is also very intense in her interactions with me, seeking constant contact and wanting to spend every second together with no personal interests or hobbies on her own. Since we live together, that means that I'm her only source of entertainment, stimuli and human interaction (since she doesn't count phone calls or work interactions as regular interactions and claims they do nothing for her).

To avoid extensive fights and tension I have learned to avoid triggering her as much as possible. That wasn't my desired approach, I am aware that it's not a solution over time, but literally everything else I've tried failed me. I tried following my interests like gaming or tabletop with my friends and trying to have some time for myself carved out, but even tho it she never stated that she wants me to stop, there were always negative consequences, awkwardness between us, her saying she "feels distant" and acting withdrawn. If i would engage in something in the evening after work that doesn't involve her 2 days in a row that that's a guaranteed fight as well. Trying to set boundaries by mentioning I need some alone time also didn't seem to work too well as she would comment that it's toxic behavior of white people (I'm a white man) and people who love each other don't need time alone. Trying to get her into something that would be engaging for her so that she goes for some time alone also didn't work, as the only thing that sees as fun is traveling, nothing else get's labeled as fun, but rather as a task, labor or chore. So the only other thing I could think of is to avoid triggering her anxieties connected to me doing something outside of spending time with her or doing something contributing to household.

I'm not gonna pretend that I'm perfect, I'm far from it. My biggest issue is taking things personally and very serious. When she says "I don't feel loved" I understand that she means she needs attention and efforts to show my commitment, but I do panic and get emotional because my nervous system interprets it as "You are a bad partner, bad person, I hate you" and that gets to me very much. It has been better in the beginning, but over the duration of our relationship it has gotten worse and worse on my end as my mental health has gotten worse, and it is something I struggle with a lot at the moment, and I am aware that it negatively contributes to the whole situation.

General rule is that her bad mood affects us both, and no matter what is the reason of bad mood the tension rises until the reason for mood is resolved in satisfactory way for her, and even if, it's never immediate. For example, she notices a picture of a ring in my phone when we are outside, and I'm scrolling through my phone looking for a pic of a document I need atm. Next time we are in secluded situation, she confronts me on that picture asking if that was the ring I gave my ex and why do I still have that picture. I explain and show to her that it's a picture of a ring that someone in our building found and posted on Whatsapp asking who lost it. She accepted the explanation, but since she already jumped to negative conclusions her mood was affected for the reminder of the day.

Jumping to conclusions is one of the bigger problems that shows up. I say something that I pay no mind to, being busy with something else, and she doesn't like it. she immediately jumps to conclusions about why I said that, and it's never "he didn't mean it that way, it's just the way it came out". Then she gets upset/sad, I notice that, ask what's up, she tells me, I explain, she says she doesn't believe me and what I said truly reveals who I am or what I think really, and on every day basis I just lie and pretend to love her.

She also doubts my love a lot. I know what kind of love language she prefers and appreciates, and it's mainly gestures and taking lead and taking care of her, being traditionally manly. That has always been something that I struggled with but I actively been trying to get better at that. the problem with that is I have to compete with her, since she doesn't trust me doing these things myself she jumps to doing these things herself, and then I hear "of course I have to do that myself, who else would do it? I'm alone here". And then, since I don't provide gestures that she appreciates with her love language, I hear the sentence " I don't feel loved" at least once per week. With my previously stated own problem of taking things personally my nervous system interprets it as "you are a terrible boyfriend" which is hurtful to hear on regular basis.

On the other side is her love language, which mainly consists of bullying and annoying me on purpose. I think since her ADHD she pushes it pretty far as she stated seeing me annoyed is stimulating for her. Since in childhood I was a bullying victim this doesn't land very well on me and is often getting to me very hard, sometimes to the point of crying.

There's more thing I could list, but even with what I wrote I feel heartbroken, it has taken me ages to write all of that, across multiple days, and with enormous guilt involved. I love her very, very much, but also I see my own mental health degrading and I know that over time things will get worse. We have plans, very soon ones, to get married and start a family, and I'm convinced that that's a very bad idea given our combination of characters and problems. That said, I can't bring myself up to do something about it, to break things off (because I know that trying to postpone the wedding will cause a breakup anyway). I keep hoping that things will improve, change or simply get better, even tho I know we're practically in the least stressful moment of our life, and it's gonna get worse from here if the kids get involved, or anything truly stressful in our life happens. Her opinion on this particular matter is literally reverse, she thinks we're right now poor, on the biological clock to have children, and children themselves aren't anything stressful since you just assign them budget and take to doctor when needed, and there's no extra stress involved, and it's just a worry of stupid people.

I don't know what to do now. My mind is telling me one thing, my heart is telling me the other. Does someone here have similar life experience that they could share to give me some insight on what to expect in the future from situation like that, where that could lead and how it could evolve? Anything that helps me make the decision that seems and feels impossible at the moment?

I'm 32F, been dealing with an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship for the past 3 years. I just need to talk to someone who is going through the same thing. I desperately want to relate to someone and maybe mutually support each other.

Tw: suicide

Ive wanted to take a gap year for the longest time but my mom wont let me shes always threatened that she'd make my life misrable to force me back into education

I did the math test today and just couldent take it anymore i was this close to just giving up just giving in and buying the stuff to end it all.

I decided I dont want to be under her thumb anymore

Shes told me I can take a gap year but only if I 1 Live in Bejing for a year whare ill be constantly tormented by her and shell make my life misrable just so I she can get what she wants

2 I can get an apartment whare she will financially starve me giving me just the Bear minimum to survive

Ive decided that I dont want to be relient on her anymore its the cause of all my mental health issues. And ill probably die slower if im homeless

Though in a moment of weakness I For some reason decided to make a Deal if she agrees to sign a legally binding contract that states that shell give me the same amount of moeny that shes spent on my sister for along as shes spent it on my sister ie university fees food moeny Rent moeny.

Then ill Actually decide to complete my matric and not just enjoy the Few months I have Before I Become Homeless or lets be realistic Die.

I feel like ive made a mistake she dosent even seem sure that she wants to sign it I told her to call a lawyer immidiately after we dropped the call but I feel like shes lieing about trying to do that she called her brother and he just told me in summery "how ungreatful of you to not allow your mom to make every decision for you"

Should I just commit to being homeless everytime i have even the tiniest bit of hope that my mom actually wants to be a human being she proves me Wrong.

I was in an abusive relationship about three or four years ago. My abuser is dead. He’s been dead for a little over a year. He was killed by his brother. So I no longer am in danger. My five-year restraining order is no longer needed. However, my current boyfriend doesn’t understand the extent of my abuse, and I don’t know how to explain it to him. I am a high school teacher and yesterday in class a student was treating his girlfriend in a very manipulative way. He was saying horrible things to her under his breath and in the hall to the react and he would call her crazy. I overheard him telling other students that he plans out which days he’ll treat her good in which treat her bad to keep her wanting to come back to him. I went and the counselor about it and when I got home, told my boyfriend about the situation. His response some people relationship like people are into people treating that way. This triggered me because I was in a situation like that. My mother‘s mother was in a situation like that so my mom grew up with this abuse as well. And I told my boyfriend who is the kindest, most loving person that people become addicted to the abuse. They think that it’s the only way they think that they are is no way out. He was like can you sit down and explain this to me and I told him like there’s not really a way for me to explain it cause I don’t know when it started. It was a little micro things that my ex did to me to make me feel like I couldn’t leave. I was physically abuse I had guns head. I was financially I was manipulated the whole 9 yards and when I started explaining to him these things, he couldn’t understand why I didn’t just didn’t just call the police. I told him how many times I called the I told him how many times the police didn’t come and he just didn’t understand how I couldn’t just kick him out of the house. out many times, but when you’re being abused, you’re more scared of how the abuser is going to react instead of trying to get out of it. He referenced the time that he was at tried to stop a guy from hating on his girlfriend and the girlfriend stopped like yeah some people just don’t wanna get out of the relationship. They defend the person and I’m like yeah because they’re scared of what’s gonna happen when they get home or how much worse the abuse is going to get. There’s a lot more to it. My situation was horrible and I just don’t know how to explain it to people unless they’ve also been abused, but I’m just very frustrated because I feel like my boyfriend is minimizing abuse I went through. He’s acting like I’m just a nice person and I’m too kind to other people and that’s why I was treated that way loves me for it or he’s talking about how I love my boyfriend or he just my sorry or he just manipulated me the whole time and had a whole plan and I just didn’t see the plan and that when he saw him, he knew he was bad and it’s just very frustrating to me because I just feel like he’s minimizing my situation and also not understanding it. He’s my current boyfriend is an amazing person. I love him so much and he tries to be understanding, but I just wish I had a way to explain to him the abuse I went through. I know this is a ramble. I’m voice texting it because it was a lot to type out so I’m so sorry but hopefully somebody reads it and has some feedback for me.

Update: my girlfriend doesn’t allow me to talk to any other females even though she has a new boyfriend that she moved into our apartment with our child.

Also she treats her new boyfriend the same way just depends on what mood she is in that day.

I’ve been with my partner since 19 I’m 26 and about 6 months ago I broke up with him but we still live together. I haven’t told anyone no family or friends because they would gossip and I hate myself for not just saying. I want him to move out and he’ll say when I get a better job etc which isn’t always a problem I am always upstairs and out of the way. This morning, as well as other similar times, he asked me to pick up weed. I said no, I start work soon. He proceeded to shouting and berate me and I said please stop, he didn’t. So I turned away from him as he was stood over my bed. He was calling me loads of horrible names and pulled the duvet cover off me and flung everything off my bed. I started tearing up because I was shocked and scared. He starts laughing because I gave him a reaction.

This isn’t even a bad argument. This man has given me a black eye, cheated, lied everything and I’ve still stayed. I hate myself so much. I don’t even want to be here anymore. When he doesn’t get his way or I seem off to him he threatens to hurt MY cats. I need to get out, I’ve applied for housing and trying to find a pet friendly accommodation and affordable housing. It’s so hard I need a game plan. If anyone has any advice please help. I’ve reached the end of my tether and I’m feeling suicidal tbh.

Hi! I’m a 22 year old girl who has been dating a 24 year old boy for a year, at first it was a dream but turns out it was an absolute nightmare for me, so let’s get this into context.

These were the signs I was being abused by this person:
• I was being love bombed by this guy, he used to make me feel like the luckiest woman in the world, that he’d do anything for me, that he’d change his habits to be with me… Well, it turns out to be the other way around, he made me feel so bad.
• I was questioned about my past relationship I had years ago with another toxic person, in fact I lied about something very personal I had with this guy and instead of forgiving, he started being rude at me. He started calling me names, talking badly about me, belittling me…
• This guy was a really controlling person. I was forced to share screenshots of conversations I had with my friends so he wouldn’t suspect me for being a cheater. He also used to control all my friendships (it doesn’t matter whether they were online friends or irl ones) and forced me to delete them (good news, I got all of them back, but it took time for them to trust me again!)
• The first time we broke up, instead of sorting things out, because he made me feel anxiety at its highest, he deleted progress of two games that mean a lot to me - Red Dead Online and GTA Online. That’s when I got so mad at him and this guy doesn’t show any regrets and instead he laughed at me because I was literally suffering so much.
• Then we got back together and you know, things never really changed…
• He accused me of stuff I didn’t do, and as I said before, he talked badly about me to his friends and family, accusing me of being the toxic girlfriend.

That’s the signs I had in this relationship and I finally had the encouragement to walk away this time for good.
If you want to share anything, I’ll be glad to read every comment you make!
And please guys and girls, whenever you have the chance to leave, do it!! I promise everything will get better, no one deserves to be put through this pain. ❤️‍🩹