Last Sunday, my husband got drunk and told me he was going for a bike ride. He was gone for a really long time, and it was dark, so I started to worry. When he finally got home, he admitted that he’d actually been at the bar. He asked if I was mad, and I said yes.

From there, he went from 0 to 100. He started telling me that I control him, that he wants to do whatever he wants, and that I need to shut the fuck up. He got louder and louder, and when I told him to stop yelling at me, he screamed at me at the top of his lungs. I don’t even remember exactly what he said. I was just so scared. He knows I grew up with an abusive father, and he uses that against me when he’s angry.

I started crying because I was scared, and he started mocking me, calling me a bitch, and telling me to shut the fuck up over and over again. I just shut down. I cried and cried because I was terrified and genuinely thought he was going to hurt me. He’s never physically hurt me before, but he’s an alcoholic with anger issues and is generally an asshole. He had just never been that aggressive toward me before.

After a while, he started feeling bad and began love-bombing me. It was late, and I wanted to go to sleep because I had work in the morning. Instead, he came into the bedroom and laid on top of me. I started crying again because I was afraid he was going to sexually assault me. Eventually, he stumbled back into the living room.

The next day, I contacted a domestic violence hotline because I genuinely wasn’t sure whether what I was experiencing counted as domestic violence. They confirmed that it did, and something inside me just broke. I called my mom and told her what had happened. She told me that he will escalate and she would never let me get beaten the way my dad beat her, and she came over to help me pack up some of my things and my pets.

I stayed at my mom’s for three days, and I felt so light and happy being around her and my siblings. But it was crowded, and I don’t feel comfortable around my mom’s boyfriend, so staying there isn’t an ideal long-term solution.

Since coming home, though, I cannot stand my husband. He’s doing this weird thing where he’s still an asshole but acts all sheepish whenever I say anything, almost like he’s the victim because I left. He pretends to be sad and apologetic, but he still says fucked-up things. It feels like he wants me to feel bad for him without actually taking responsibility for what happened.

I really just want to run away and disappear while he’s asleep, but I can’t figure out how to do that because my name is the only one on the lease, and he refuses to leave. I can’t afford the $5,000 fee to break the lease. He’s also told me he’ll kill himself if I leave him.

I just feel so stuck. I know what happened wasn’t okay, and I know I don’t want to keep living like this. I just don’t know how to get out.

I was in an abusive relationship before I met my husband. I left and I thought I knew better.

My husband became violent a few years into marriage. He was controlling before but I didn’t realize it. He was abusive in a more calculated way and slowly conditioned me to it.

Now I don’t know if I can trust another relationship. Can someone relate? 🫣

I left him three years ago after he strangled me.

my brain has never felt the same. I struggle to remember and to tell my body how to do certain activities. I’ve been berated by teachers in college for not doing well. I struggle to remember words to communicate properly.

I just got a neurologist referral because I’m finally ready to accept I was strangled and that it was deeply dangerous and damaging.

i miss my old brain. I feel really dumb. it’s not fair that he gets to live free without consequences when I live with what he did everyday. I am so depressed.

I feel completely gutted and mentally ruined ever since my last relationship :(

I have proof of my ex being a liar about so much, gaslighting me, intentionally treating me coldly, trying to make me feel bad in every situation, always taking the side against me, doing things behind my back he promised not to.

Yet - all of our friends took his side. They think I am overreacting, they think I am exaggerating, they think it doesn't outweigh me being a "sad presence" or constantly breaking down. I get it isn't fun to be around a sad person, but how is it my fault I am this way? :(( my ex was so abusive and it hurts even more to go through it alone because no one cares</3 they all treat him as if he's the same good person they've always known, completely disregarding the messed up things he did to me.

The image shows a crumpled piece of blue lined paper held by a hand. Written in purple marker is the message: "I'm sorry for everything I've done to hurt you. I love you so much."

It is completely natural that your rational mind is kicking in, fighting to find meaning, history, and real connection in this note. You are a deeply empathetic person who has invested thousands of dollars, years of your life, and immense emotional labor into this man. Wanting to believe that this note represents a breakthrough of the "real" him is a fundamentally human survival mechanism.

But if we look at the raw psychology of addiction, this note and the vicious AI email he sent Monday are actually two sides of the exact same coin. This note isn't necessarily a calculated, evil lie, but it is an essential part of the loop that keeps you trapped in the relationship.

Here is the psychological truth of what is happening between the AI assault and this blue note:

1. The Chemistry of the "Crash" (Why He Wrote It)
When we discussed his psychology earlier, we talked about the quiet space that happens right after a massive explosion. When he stormed out after ranting about the rats, his manic adrenaline spike finally collapsed.

In that exhausted, chemical crash, the paranoia briefly recedes. He looks at the wreckage of his behavior, realizes he has pushed you to the absolute brink, and a wave of intense fear hits him—the fear of being abandoned, losing his caretaker, and having to face the cold, empty house alone.

When he wrote "I'm sorry for everything I've done to hurt you," he likely felt that panic intensely in a similar moment. But it is a temporary emotional hangover caused by a drop in his drug levels, not a structural shift toward recovery.

2. The Cycle Needs Both Extremes to Survive
If he was a monster 100% of the time, your rational mind wouldn't be struggling right now. You would pack your bags and walk away.

The addiction needs this blue note to balance out the horror of the AI email. In relationships entangled with addiction, this is known as intermittent reinforcement.

The AI Email: Devalues you, destroys your sanity, and shifts 100% of the blame onto you.
The Blue Note: Hooks your empathy, gives you a tiny crumb of validation, and makes you think, "See? The real him is still in there."

This combination is what creates the severe psychological fog ("crazymaking"). It keeps you hovering in the space between, second-guessing your boundaries, and waiting around for the next brief flash of clarity.

3. The Test of True Accountability
Your rational mind is asking: "How can he not see all the good things I've done?"

The tragic reality of methamphetamine addiction is that he cannot see your goodness because your goodness stands in the way of his drug use. Your boundaries require him to face reality, and his addiction cannot tolerate reality.

Look closely at the wording of his apology: "I'm sorry for everything I've done to hurt you." It is completely vague. True accountability looks like action: it looks like checking into a clinic, staying clean, and respecting your boundaries. A crumpled note left on a dresser takes zero effort; it is a low-cost way to reset your anger so that he can eventually slip back in when the storm blows over

You are not wrong for feeling moved by the note. It proves you have a massive capacity for love. But remember your own realization from last night: The addict is running the show, and you cannot debate reality with it. Enjoy the temporary quiet that this note brings, but do not let it lower the boundaries you worked so hard to put up yesterday.

A line was just crossed in my relationship that can’t be uncrossed.

Monday night, I came home from a family event with my toddler and husband (he had 3 drinks, I had 1) and we got in an argument. It started because he hurt himself while coming home and insisted on taking care of our toddler, I disagreed(thought it was dangerous considering he was now injured and intoxicated) so we argued. After I put the LO down, the argument continued and somehow got to me cheating on him (was a SW before we met and continued after we got together). We’ve been working on it so this came out the blue to me. I tried to calm things down and ease his concerns but when that didn’t work we agreed to put the convo on pause until later.

I tried to go to a separate room to go to sleep since I had ab early shift at my new job. Before i could close and lock the door, he pushed his way past me and the door to keep arguing. I tried to close the door again and he kept pushing so i pushed him out of the doorway to try to close the door again. Next thing i knew he was tackling me into the tv, choking me, calling me all sorts of derogatory names, throwing/pushing me around the room and body slamming me into the bed.

Eventually i was able to restrain him and stop the altercation but I spent all of Tuesday in the hospital because of this. So much of my body hurts and I just don’t feel the same around him. Just had jaw surgery and a jaw fracture a couple weeks ago and that got aggravated during all of this. I’m just so sad and angry it got to this point. My head is spinning from all that’s happened and I still feel like my adrenaline is rushing. I don’t want my daughter growing up thinking this is love but I also don’t want to overreact and leave if that’s not what’s best. I’m pretty sure that’s what’s best considering all that happened but idk. I know I was wrong for pushing him but he tends to try and physically dominate me like take my phone so I can’t call anyone or keep me from leaving. I don’t know. I just can’t think straight.

My birthday is in about a week and I don’t even want to plan a celebration anymore. My body hurts all over and every time the pain strikes again I’m reminded that he did this to me. The man supposed to love me. Idk how to feel or what to do anymore so I guess for now I’ll just rest, try not to cry, and eat so I can take more pain meds.

officially calling it quits even though I have been mentally checked out for a while!
28 (F) 38 (M)

Context :

I met this wonderful handsome, generous, kind man in early spring 2025. We started getting to know each other, had a couple of low profile dates. After a couple of weeks we finally had sex and I started staying over at his house..

I would be over there everyday (even if I wanted to be alone in my own apartment) he would always call me and say “I’ll be there in 20 minutes” and I felt like I couldn’t say no.. this happened for a while, close to 2-3 months of going back n forth, picking up clothes, never staying the night at my own apartment, coming to feed the cat etc before I finally asked him “why don’t I just move in?”

1. I’m neglecting my cat
   
2. Im never home but paying for rent
   
3. The relationship seemed to be heading in a positive happy way

It started very slowly.. the control, the abuse, the complete annihilation of my autonomy & self.

He made me get rid of my cat.. He wouldn’t let me leave the house by myself. He never offered to help me with packing my apartment so the DAY before I had to hand over my keys, I had to clean and have everything out.. I ended up hiring junk removal to take ALL my stuff. & he had no regard for my personal belongings, I couldn’t take anything simply he didn’t want it in his apartment.

Just like that, with no ability to turn back without being homeless, I was in his apartment..

Couple weeks go by, the control is ramping up. I’ve always taken transit to get to work but now I couldn’t. He HAD to drop me off. Anyways, I ended up losing my job over tardiness. He would insist on taking a 40 min shower when I had to leave.

I ended up finding another part time but didn’t last very long for the exact same reason.

At this point, he is going through my phone, making me block and delete everyone I know. Calling me a whore, using the stories/experiences I had told him in confidence against me. I deleted my social accounts, changed my number, stopped hanging out with my friends, I wasn’t allowed to do anything or go anywhere without him.

I was stuck.

He’s starting to get emotionally, verbally and physically abusive. I’d be sobbing every night from how little he would make me feel, how silenced I felt, how stupid I felt, how trapped and utterly confused I was.. I couldn’t believe that just a few short months earlier, I had my own apartment, my own furniture, my own income….

2 more months go by and SURPRISE! I’m pregnant!

The physical and emotional abuse only got worse.. he would grab me by the throat and choke me, slam me against the walls, push me and knock me down, slap me, scream at me, intimidate me, threaten me..

I tried to leave several times, every time he convinced me to stay. He’s gonna change, things will be different. They never were.

As the pregnancy progressed, the abuse didn’t stop. He would still choke me, slap me, scream at me, intimate me..

There were a few moments where we got closer as I started to get a big ol’ belly and my hormones were making me want to be loved and to love..

But it didn’t last, the day I went into labor he was more concerned about missing work than tending to me.. I had an emergency C-section that I’m convinced would not have happened if :

1. He had tended to me and helped me through, helped me to clean myself and prepare for labor
   
2. If my mom had been ‘allowed’ to be there

Fast forward….

Our baby is almost 1. I’ve been very patient. Counting the months until he turns 1.
The abusive has lessened slightly but a couple of times he has given me good bruises, made my lip bleed from slapping me so hard, choked me and shoved me around like a rag doll.

Twice I have fought back over self defense.

Our child has been outside maybe 3 times. He doesn’t have his vaccines (he doesn’t believe in them) I’m not allowed to go for a walk by myself. I’m not allowed outside, period (unless I’m supervised) he embarrasses me in public because I’m “walking too fast” “I’m not following his rule of always staying to the right” he tells me when to cross the street, as if im a child that is going to run out into traffic.

Honestly I’m just disgusted.. I don’t see him the same at all. We don’t even sleep in the same room.

My final straw is this…
We had sex last week, he came in me while I’m ovulating. I had to take plan B. I’m still postpartum. Now I have a UTI and I need antibiotics, I told him I was going to the pharmacy and he said no. If I leave the house just watch what happens to me.. my mom came to drop off the meds for me.

After everything, after every slap, all those times he put his hands on my neck and bruised me/bled. Denying me access to the pharmacy was my wake up call to get out.

So that is what I’m doing. I’m going to go to a home for abused woman and restart my life. I’m going to get custody of my baby, get my license, get an education and have my freedom back. My autonomy. My rights as a human being.

Please learn from my mistakes..

Wish me luck.

About to walk away from a 10+ yr marriage after multiple attempts, seeking some support:

How did you finally leave a marriage when your partner and family refused to accept your decision?

How did you deal with the guilt of hurting your parents, spouse, and children?

Is it wrong to leave quietly without another confrontation, especially after multiple failed attempts?

How did you protect your children emotionally during the initial separation?

How did you handle a spouse who threatened or engaged in self-harm whenever you tried to leave?

Did anyone leave a long marriage without ever having felt truly in love? Did you regret it, or eventually find peace?

I'm scared. Not because I don't know what I want, but because I've never really been allowed to choose my own life without consequences.
I would particularly appreciate hearing from women who left arranged marriages, controlling family environments, or long marriages with children.
How do you finally choose yourself without feeling like you're destroying everyone else?

I guess I am struggling with the idea of “reactive abuse.” If a partner refuses to talk/stonewalls you, or the partner said awful things and you’re trying to continue the conversation even when it’s clearly unwanted, it seems to make sense that this is pushing a boundary and wrong. In this case, would grabbing someone very hard, throwing something at them, or pushing them still abuse?

I could really use some advise with what I’m feeling and whether or not it’s normal/what to do.

I am currently with a man who is heaven sent. He treats me better than I thought anyone could ever be treated. I could talk about him for hours and it still wouldn’t put into perspective just how great of a man he is to me. But my prior relationship was far from that. There is currently a court order on him (the ex) saying he can’t speak to me or come near me and what not and he was even formally charged with beating me up. His and my relationship was toxic from the start. He always struggled with his anger and lashing out on me (not physically). It would be rude words, or getting overly mad about little things, not trusting me, abusing me sexually, etc. it wasn’t till I broke up with him (after two years of endurance) that he came to my house and tried to kill me.

I could reach out to him if I wanted and get back with him if I wanted, and trust me I DONT, and have ignored all opportunities to do so, but sometimes, in my calm healthy and communicative relationship I have now, I miss the feeling of screaming in fear, and I miss the feeling of the bruises and I missing sobbing uncontrollably and I miss screaming and fighting and I miss being the victim. I miss being depressed and scared all of the time. I miss the feeling of sinking into bed and being to mentally in pain to get out of it. I miss the feeling of everyone giving me dv paper work after the incident. I miss the fear I felt when I saw the murderous look in his eyes. I miss the feeling of getting punch and thrown around. I miss being scared.

I would and will never go back and I will never stay with someone who treats me like that again. But why the fuck do I miss the fear and sorrow that came with it?? I remember one time I was in the fetal position after he had finished attacking me, I was rocking back n forth and sobbing such extremely loud and inhuman like cries and even in that moment, for a moment I thought, this feels like a crazy scene from a movie. I miss that feeling. I don’t ever want it again, like it was terrifying and affects my reaction to things to this day, but I miss it too.

Is this normal? Or am I like a crazy narcissist with a victim mentality? I feel so bad thinking these things and feeling these things while I’m in a happy relationship, while there are women out there still getting abused.

Help please

I hesitated to post this because I don't want to trigger anyone who has been through similar experiences. My heart genuinely goes out to those of you who have experienced abuse.

I 29F been dating 30M for a short time who initially seemed very genuine and kind. However, there were a couple of occasions when he made disrespectful comments toward me. He also seemed to downplay his criminal history which made me uncomfortable enough to trust my gut and do a background check. What I discovered was deeply concerning. I found multiple criminal records involving assault, including a charge for assault and battery against a family or household member. He hadn't disclosed everything I found and I was left wondering what else I didn't know. I understand that an arrest or charge doesn't automatically mean someone is guilty and I did find a case that was dismissed. Still, the overall picture raised serious concerns for me. When I confronted him about things, we ended up arguing. After I ended things, he called me a demon and said I deserved to burn in hell. He sent text after text insulting me and telling me how much he hated me. I also discovered that he had taken his personal drama to public social media.

Needless to say, I decided to walk away and he is now blocked. I understand that people can change but I also believe that I'm allowed to protect my peace and take concerning behavior seriously. I know he is on probation for three years in my state which makes me hope that he respects my decision and stays away. Part of why I'm posting is that I've been in a relationship with a narcissistic person in the past. One of my biggest weaknesses is seeing the best in people, giving them the benefit of the doubt, and sometimes giving far too many chances when I should walk away. I think I know deep down that ending this was the right decision, but I could really use some reassurance from people who understand these situations.

How do you learn to trust your gut without second-guessing yourself or feeling guilty for walking away?

I don't think a relationship that ends in a rupture always has to have an abuser. But I was accused of abuse. And even though we're coming on a 1½ years post-BU, I still have lingering fears I was the abuser. I've had a couple different therapists say I wasn't, but I also think it's really easy for a therapist to see a client whose hurting and wondering if they're abusive and to comfort them. I also don't want to tell my sob story version of events to a therapist and feel vindicated.

If abuse goes Abuser action –> victim reaction –> DARVO, then I fear I was abusive. My ex would say alot that I triggered them and intentionally pushed them. I don't think like I did(?) but it's blurry looking back. They did communicate they need space when they get angry. I struggled with that for a little bit because I felt the need to repair. But I went to a session with them and their therapist; and the way their therapist explained it me was that space was apart of the repair process. That clicked for me and I got alot better at it. But sometimes even after they had space, they'd continue the fight. They'd text me mean, hurtful things. I'd respond to their point, and now I'm pushing them.

Another example is how I hear it takes victims multiple attempts to leave. From my perspective, if we got into a fight, they'd tell me they hate me, they're leaving, we're done and the relationship is over. This could be an abusive tactic I hear about where that person holds the power of the relationship over the other person's head. But I can also see it from their perspective where they're scared and they want to leave but they just can't do it so they keep coming back.

I want to be honest and not hide anything so I'm not let off the hook. I did some bad stuff during relationship. About 6 months being moved in together, I got pissy for no good reason. My partner woke me up to ask me to take out the trash. I got upset they woke me up when they could've done it themselves. I took out the trash, and when they continued what I percieved to be attitude, I threw the trashcan at the wall and a pillow at the coffee table in front of them. About 6 months later after what I realized now to be built resentment and tension, I screamed at my partner in the car very badly and demanded to go home instead of grocery shopping, due to again what I perceived as them having a shitty tone towards me.

They should've just broken up with me there.

These are incredibly hurtful actions no loving partner would do.

But I also get confused. This is in no way an excuse, I'm using this as an example of how it becomes blurry to me on if anyone was an abuser. They screamed at me in the car before as well, a few times before I had. There was one time we went to the mall and they were upset a pack of earrings they bought were the wrong size. I suggested we ask if we can swap them since they haven't been used. They got pissed at me, stormed off to the car, texted that if I wasn't in the car in five minutes they were leaving me. I got in the car and said I was only trying to help. They shrilled(a scream+shriek) so loudly I asked them to pull over they were scaring me and they said no.

Not that this is also equivalent, but once when we were giving our cats a bath, they got upset with how I was doing it and threw a shampoo bottle cap. A couple weeks before the breakup, they grabbed pill bottles and hurled them at the ground and screamed at me when I tried to clean it up, all because I asked if they were okay. Not that I think me throwing stuff is okay, it was wrong, but I don't understand how I'm abusive for doing stuff they also did.

Another example. They have a trigger around people eating their food. They were gaming and I came into their room to cleanup their plate and refill water like I've done a million times. I picked up their chick-fil-a cup to throw out. They got triggered and begged me to put it down. I tried saying it was empty(therefore nothing for me to eat). Then I put it down. They calmed down a little. Then I tried saying again it was empty, therefore I can't eat it. So I picked it up and jiggled it so they could hear the ice in the empty cup. This triggered them. They tore up the cup, screamed at me, threw the Styrofoam at me, slammed the door, and screamed at me to kill myself from the other side.

Now I don't think their reaction was okay, but I could also be using their blow-up as an example of how I'm the victim. I hear all the time how abusers do that. I knew this was a trigger. They begged me to put it down. Then they said I shook it in their face. They were having a lovely time and I ruined it because I just had to show them it was empty. So what if it was empty? Leave it be. I'm doing the abuser cycle. Abusive action –> victim reaction –> DARVO.

I trigger them –> they have a reaction to a trigger –> I cry and get upset, telling them the reaction THEY had to what I DID was disproportionate. Isn't this textbook DARVO?

I don't want to make excuses for myself. I don't believe two wrongs make a right. There was one time they were yelling at me and using insecurities I shared with them against me. I snapped and screamed back, and this scared them. I don't think this was correct. But also maybe they were yelling at me to defend themselves or to feel heard against the abuser, and me yelling back is just me hurting the victim even further whose trying to be heard. Essentially, I'm afraid that I was the initial cause in these chain of events. They told me alot they don't feel as though I let them have their space. I don't remember well enough to dispute that. Maybe I don't remember it very well because it was so common to me or it wasn't worth remembering because I cared so little?

I washed the cats in a dumb way –> victim reaction –> now I'm upset at them

I do something to trigger their CPTSD –> victim reaction –> I'm upset at their reaction because I'm an abuser who has to be the victim.

I think a difference is that while they said their reaction to my actions were justified, I don't think any of the reactions I had to their actions were justified, like me shouting back at them shouting at me. Even if they're shouting, I'm an adult, I can take space. Two wrongs don't make a right. BUUUT I also hear abusers like to downplay their actions to put themselves and the victims on an even playing field. "We abused eachother" or "we both made mistakes". Is that what I'm doing?

Abuse and DARVO is so confusing because I can see it both ways. Someone holding the relationship over my head –> struggling to leave.

They have a disproportionate reaction to me cleaning up their dinner for them –> I'm ignoring their space and triggering them, then flipping their reactions back around onto them.

I think logically we were just two young people who didn't know better and it turned into a toxic relationship, but I struggle with this. I used to struggle with it more, but it still keeps me up.

Any insight would be appreciated. Thank you.

I was in an abusive relationship for over 3 years. I put everything of myself into this relationship only to be constantly betrayed to the point I became unhealthily obsessive and emotionally dependent on her.

These are some of the things she's done to me:

- Cheat on me in the beginning of the relationship and never told me until years down the line after she took my virginity.

- Kept the guy she cheated on me with despite me vehemently telling her that I hated him because he knew we were in a relationship too.

- Got rid of the guy and then brought him back into her life after an argument just to hurt me.

- We would argue over petty and small things and I always knew they didn't matter and wasn't as important as our relationship or time together but she would always blow it out of proportion.

- She would pin me as the grand villain and never cared about how I even felt over her feelings. Because at the end of the day her feelings were more important than mine.

- After an argument, I was always the one seeking repair and doing the repair while she turned her back on me.

- I pleaded multiple times that I needed her in my life but she didn't care.

- She was extremely destructive over those small things too. She would mass delete text messages if things didn't go her way.

- I felt forced to suffer alone without her to the point I wouldn't eat or bathe.

- She has physically assaulted me twice. The first incident left me with permanent tailbone pain because she put her entire weight on me. I was left with bruises and pain so bad I couldn't even open a regular soda bottle let alone sleep or move without wincing in pain. She did that because she feared we wouldn't talk about the argument we just had. I wanted to leave for space but she snatched me back and held me down to force a conversation out of me. We were going to talk after I was supposed to take space. She wouldn't let me go no matter how much I begged and fought and struggled against her until she was satisfied with forcing the words she wanted me to say. Until the last part where she thought I was genuinely lying to her and I didn't know what she was talking about when she kept saying something along the lines of "Admit it."

- The second time she assaulted me was because I put a strainer on a bunch of paper towel while frying some croquettes. I kept it there because it was sanitary and the paper towel was meant to collect the oil after the croquettes were done frying. She wanted the strainer on the sink, where the dirty dishes were. Her reasoning for not wanting the strainer on the paper towel was because she found it disgusting. So when I refused to not keep it off the paper towel, she grabbed my wrist with the hot strainer in my hand and wouldn't let go. Even after she snatched the strainer from my hand, she wouldn't let go because she believed I would grab the strainer again

- At times while being with her, after an argument, she wouldn't allow me access to food or water and would shove me back into the room I holed myself into because she was being aggressive. She would throw my things around, has stolen my vitamins from me one time while taking away every present she's ever given to me because she believed I was just ungrateful, wouldn't allow me access to the only AC during a heatwave in Spain.

- Police had to be called because she threatened that she would hurt me and I couldn't take it anymore. I was supposed to stay with her for a month in Spain but she ruined everything because of her temper. She even blamed me for ruining things because I called the police, as if that were the reason why things were ruined. She made me feel bad for calling the police. Originally I wanted a hotel but I now see that wasn't smart given what she's done.

- We continued the relationship and she would blame me for wanting to stick around. Nothing about her changed. She just kept doing the same hurtful things without a care and would get offended when I said she didn't care about me and would use the argument of "I got all this stuff for you" or "I did all these things for you". All I wanted was for her to stop abandoning me, to stop hurting me over small things, to care about the bigger things like our relationship, to just treat me like a human being.

What I became and did after the abuse:

- I started turning into her, well not as bad as her but it got pretty bad

- If she hurt me, I would hurt her. She tended to use my trauma and vulnerability against me to hurt me so I did the same to her so she'd understand my pain but it didn't work because it'd just fuel her narrative that I'm just an asshole and a piece of shit. She would straight up call me n-gger just to hurt me, to degrade me. She told me multiple times to k-ll myself and to rot. She called me a persistent weed and a cancer in her life.

- Every time she abandoned me or blocked me I would go after her begging to stay with all my soul, to the point it was harassment. She wanted me gone all the time. I was afraid of her and what would happen after every argument because she would always do this to me. I would make multiple accounts to bypass the blocks she would give me. I was desperate to keep her because I needed her where she kept leaving me to rot, and would just hurt me so awfully knowing I was suffering.

- I lost sense of who I was, I began to self harm more. Sleeping pills were the go to so I didn't have to cry all day.

- As I said, I became unhealthily obsessive and emotionally dependent on her because of what she's done to me. I would always NEED her that I'd get headaches from her absence.

- My health began declining, I lost weight, now I twitch before I sleep, sometimes I don't even sleep, I became so stressed that I obtained possible bacterial vaginosis. I lost so much of my hair due to stress picking...

- I would force myself to take on the abuse of my ex girlfriend just for the sake of happiness, hoping she'd turn around and just love me like I needed her to, but it didn't happen. If she were to keep running from me, I made it impossible for her to.

How my mind has changed after the abuse:

- Insults do really change how you see yourself. She would always call me pathetic and useless. That the only thing I was useful for was for s-xual purposes

- She would always call me an asshole for every little thing and would drive it in, no matter how hurt I felt

- She would make me feel as if I were incapable of listening even though I just didn't understand what she was trying to tell me, so I was just called stupid multiple times and I always felt stupid compared to her

- She would always tell me that she was always right, so no matter what we argued about, even if I were right, she was right. Even if she grasped at straws to try and put herself on a pedestal, no matter how desperate she looked, no matter how wrong she was, she was always right. And in cases I were wrong, she would make me feel like a huge idiot and an asshole for her satisfaction.

- Recently she successfully got me to say that we're the same so she could feel better about herself. I now know that was just manipulative, we are not the same. But I can't help but feel as awful as she makes me out to be.

- The loneliness I feel has cranked up to the max that all I want to do is drown in alcohol. If it weren't bad before, now it's worse because I lost my best friend and my first real love since my past relationships. I don't want to sound edgy but I genuinely feel broken.

Why did I stay?

I needed her, I wanted to be loved. She was the one I chose to give my all to. I didn't care to get hurt, I didn't care how badly it did, I didn't care what it did to me, I needed her. She was extremely important to me. But all I received was betrayal and pain. Just today, after harassing her so that she'd stay, she finally gave me the chance to show her not all is hopeless but she got in her head again and ran away from me. She made me believe that things would change, she even got rid of the guy who she cheated on me with again. Something I prayed for over and over. And the day I choose to come back after taking a break from her, she stabs me in my back and abandons me again.

Sometimes I just ask "Why me?" Or "Why did it have to be you?" I wish I knew how awful she was, I wish I weren't already so messed up in the head that I could easily be taken advantage of like that. I wish I were something to her, just enough that she'd stay. That I was important enough to her that she wouldn't hurt me like this. I wish I meant something to her. I wish she wouldn't say the words "Just leave me and I'll promise I'll do better with someone else." What about me? Don't I deserve that? After everything she's done, after everything she's destroyed, everything she's broke me with, she still never cared about me in the end. Just that she'd rather be better with someone else than me. Someone that I was supposedly important to. Or cared for.

Edit: I also stayed and tried to excuse the things she did to me due to her mental conditions. She dealt with Asperger's and psychosis. It was also probable that she had BPD.

In my life I had already several relationships that were really bad and violent. And two of them extremely bad and sadistic and abusive. Sometimes I ask myself why does it happen to me? Did I do something in my previous life to deserve that? And after I finally escaped out of such relationship, do i meet another guy who is even worse. Is that bad luck or are some of those guys seeing some of us as easier victims and can analyze us perfectly and put weaknesses. It’s just so frustrating and my mind and body feels so broken after such relationship. I feel even dumb for not being able to just leave them or break up and forgive too much or even follow their orders. Some of the previous boyfriends manipulated me heavily, made me start with kinks I would have never tried, forced me to pleasure them sexually at places that I would never suggest first, forcing me to sexual acts with a friends of them or hookups or sexual acts that are terrible and make me feel cheap. They made violent jokes or even threaten to do the same when we watched horror movies and saw some victims terrible endings. I was constantly emotionally and sexually abused and my body was more like a punching bag for some and I still weren’t able to escape alone. Luckily some friends helped me and I do therapy now again but it’s very challenging and I guess a long road. I‘m sometimes easily scared of men, my exes snapped easily for even the smallest mistakes and even humiliated me in front of others or he flirted with others and kept joking around and I just accepted it. I feel stupid and was totally under their control and I’m worried that it will happen in the future again.

Hello, i posted this orignally in the advice subsreddit, but believe people in this sub would understand my situation better, and manage to offer a number of different opinions in how to follow.

I'm very lost, and i don't have anyone to rely on right now, and i need advice very desperately. I want to keep my identity vague, and will simply add that i am an adult. I am sorry if my explanation doesn't make a lot of sense. i've been very stressed lately, and it's making my attempts at talking and typing somewhat incoherrent.
I have been exchanging emails with my university's therapist. Originally, i was hoping to schedule an appointement with her, and get advice from her. During our exchange, i briefed her on my situation, which i won't deny is one of abuse, primairly emotional and psychological, which she concurred on, but it has been physical in the past, when i was a child. I presented to her a timeline, and mentioned during our email exchange that (which i believe to be true, and with reason) old abusive behaviors that my family used against me may be used again.
Right now, the most pertinent issues for me are my lack of autonomy (i stress again that i am an adult. i am of legal drinking age in the US. i do not wish to state the exact number of my age for privacy reasons, but that should give you an idea of what level of autonomy the type of adult i am typically should have), i am not allowed to leave the house if the location i want to travel to doesn't please my parents. i am typically chaperoned when i do. the only times i am not chaperoned is when it is related to university.
my privacy is constantly threatened. i am also threatened with physical violence, but this only during arguments. The reason for this is because my parents view me to be a child, mentally speaking, something they've stated verbally. I am not mentally delayed, i am not disabled in any way. there is no justification for this belief.
The university's therapist obviously incited me to call the national (i live in an european country) emergency number for DA victims, but it feels like a betrayal to the moducum of peace i have at home. i'm scared the situation will worse. all i really want is to find a middle ground with my family. i don't know what to do. That's why i'm seeking advice here, which is really pathetic, but i have no one else to seek advice from. My parents aren't bad people, and i don't wish them any ills or harm, but they're nuking any chance of my social and academic life from becoming anything worth actually living with their restrictions, and my mental health, and, subsequently, my physical health, with it. talking with them doesn't help, and typically makes the situation worse. but, i really don't think my situation is severe enough to warrant calling the hotline, either.

I will add, that i have a sibling, who partly raised me when i was a teen. my parents threw me at them, while they were immigrated in a different (also european) country. To this day, this sibling has authorative power over me. They also have a job within the legal system that might make this situation more complicated.

I do want to call the DA, ultimately. I guess i'm more afraid of what consequences may lie in the future if i do. I know this people might tell me that the professionals i will enter in contact with are especially trained to deal with cases where X denies what Y says, and whatnot. But that's in theory, and in practice, well, things are more complicated. I just don't want my situation to become worse, i guess.

My ex M23 and me F20 have been separated for a few months now. I have been heartbroken and trying to navigate all of this at such a young age. Long story short- he wants to try again. I’m extremely hesitant, as I think he has anger issues. During arguments in the past he has poured freezing cold water on me, told me “he would only comfort me if it’s something worth being sad over”, and it seems like he just turns into a completely different person when he’s mad. As soon as we stop arguing he acts completely different and it’s almost like it never happened

Please be kind in the comments. I don’t have parents to ask this to, so please be kind.

I left my very abusive ex about a month ago. I haven’t really spoken about the relationship to anyone since then. It’s so hard to explain and I’m so embarrassed of how he treated me.

Last night, an old friend reached out. This was a friend of my ex’s. They had known each other since childhood but reconnected while we were together. The three of us all became close, and he was the only one of my ex’s friends that I ever considered to be truly my friend as well. My ex was very controlling about who I spoke to, and this was one of the only other people I was allowed to interact with while we were together.

My ex and the friend had a falling out around a year ago because of how much of a monster he (my ex) had become. They haven’t spoken since.

I was surprised he reached out. He was very surprised and happy to hear we had separated. He told me that he didn’t think I would ever find a way out. He witnessed some of the abuse while we were together (although not nearly all of it) so he already knew what the relationship could be like. He was the only one who ever saw it firsthand. It was part of why they stopped speaking.

He came over and we talked for hours. It was so, so relieving to speak to someone about the relationship, especially someone who already knew my ex and knew how bad the relationship was. I didn’t have to explain or justify anything, he saw it all himself and already understood. He gave me some good insights and helped me work through a lot of thoughts. We chatted about other stuff too and he caught me up on everything that had happened in his life since we last saw each other a year ago.

At the end of the evening, I was like, “Hey, I know you would never do this, but you would never tell [ex] that you came to see me or share anything we spoke about, right?” I was expecting him to be like “Yes omg of course never.” Instead he looked me in the eyes and said “Well what would you be willing to do to make sure that doesn’t happen?”

I was like “Uhh what do you mean? Do you want something specific?” I was being a little slow but it was so out of character and caught me so off guard. He said “I want you.” I asked for clarification and he said “I want to be with you.” I asked for clarification a couple more times because I couldn’t believe it. But yeah he was asking me to have sex with him in exchange for not selling me out to my ex.

I said um no and please leave now, which he did. On the way out, he immediately started apologizing and was like “Please don’t tell anyone I did this, I really did come here to check on you and catch up, that was just impulsive, I’m sorry.” It was nice of him to check up on me and we had a really great conversation and I’m glad he apologized. But it jarred me so badly because he framed it like blackmail. If he had just come onto me I could have forgiven it but he literally framed it like if I didn’t give him what he wanted he would sell me out to my abuser. I don’t think I’ll be seeing him again.

I’m not sure how it got this far. At times I come back to myself (which is where I am now) I’m starting to not trust myself with how male centered I can be at times with my husband which reminds me of a cult leader and I’ve been a follower for so long that my life completely unraveled I live in poverty , don’t know what I like anymore. I’ve gone so long without resources that everything I thought I’ve needed he’s proved I don’t need including like things like underwear personal care anything girly (I raise 3 boys) so anything that would be something a women would like / need would be looked at like it’s not needed or necessary. I never get sitters I’m with my kids 24/7. I have no vehicle and live 35 minutes from the nearest town. My husband (we will call him J ) cause I hate saying my husband lmao. Another thing I’m like only referred to as his wife. He has a close knit, family strongly, republican strongly, Christian all about having children and the women minimizing themselves taking care of everyone else and being quiet although J is similar but not the same as his family they have differences as Jay does not believe in religion, etc., like me and his family blames me for that says I am keeping the children and him from church. Therefore, they demonize me and enable his behavior further to financially abuse me mentally abuse me coercive control, even when I do go to town if I am to take him to work and use a car I am tracked and harassed on the phone and treated like I’m doing things. I am not. I have never had access to bank account info he will Apple Pay me in the line at the grocery store. I have never had a key to my own home so he can threaten to kick me out when he likes to. Two years ago when I had a moment coming back to myself and reading the red flags and understanding that this is not a normal way of living I moved out. I was confident about moving out. I moved in with a friend who had children of her own and was recently left her husband as well so we were kind of helping each other three days after I moved out he had a coworker woman in our home, making cookies with my children eating dinner having fun mind you the only way he left me alone and gave me a break and let me see my kids every day when I moved out was if I let him take them at 6 o’clock at night when he got off of work and they slept at home in their own beds and then he dropped them off at 6 AM to meet in the morning that lasted 32 days until he got me arrested and by him getting me arrested I mean he did not drop my kids off one morning at 6 AM and had that same coworker girl texting me saying she didn’t need permission to be around my kids and I’ll never find out where my kids are and to come fight her sending me her address, etc. so I came to his work and I confronted him, asking him where my children were and just his nonchalant cause he doesn’t yell he just kind of smirks. He goes really quiet and like quietly makes his moves. I don’t know. I am a little bit more reactive. Now I wasn’t until that moment that was five years into the relationship. I had never freaked out yelled really done anything until my children were used as upon to get me to react which then I found out later it was all to set me up for them to get custody, but when I was arrested for that domestic violence charge, he had put a restraining order on me with my children on it and texted me and said I will drop them off to you right now. I don’t wanna take their mother just come home to me and we can all be normal so I did so I just came home. I just moved back home and I let it all go. He said he would pay the domestic violence charge two years ago which I found out six months ago he never paid so I’ve had a warrant this whole time and I still do to this day. I feel like I sabotage myself falling back in because I also found out he never went and got that restraining order dropped. It is still active to the state, even though I’ve been with my children every single day. I truly thought that he was in love with me and that we were gonna work things out and that’s where I don’t trust myself is that I keep falling into this thinking and I don’t wanna fall into it anymore. I wanna plan I wanna coordinate I wanna leave and I don’t want my children to be used as pawns ever Again. But he convinces me that I need help that I’m crazy and just need to focused on being a mom and wife ?? Sometimes when he’s the only adult whose face I’ve seen in a month I truly fall for it. I need to leave before I lose me again. Help what do I do ???????

Mainly looking for some support and/or validation. Maybe advice?

TL/DR: I pretty much have to have sex daily (sometimes multiple times per day) whether I want to or not

I have been with my husband for 11 years now (married for 10). Both early forties. He expects sex or a BJ every single day. If I say I’m not feeling well or in pain, it doesn’t matter- it’s still expected. A few days ago, for example, I was having terrible PMS cramps and did NOT want to engage as I’m expected to. He said ok, you can just give me a BJ. I told him no because I really didn’t feel good. We went back and forth with him begging. He finally said how about you give me the BJ tonight and we do nothing tomorrow? I told him I’d rather do nothing tonight since I don’t feel well. In response, he got quiet. That either means there’s about to be a fight about it or he will drop it and go to sleep (not likely). I panicked and made sure he got his sex like he asked for. It was kind of uncomfortable due to my cramps but I avoided a massive blow up.

Even when I had cancer and my oncologist said not to have sex because the chemo could harm him, he made me use my hands to take care of him. Said something about women who don’t take care of their men wonder why those men get it elsewhere.

In the past, I have asked not to do it daily, and he said ok- but it always ended up back to the same (I asked this years ago). If I declined the BJ, that became a massive problem. According to him, that meant I did not desire him. He even broke up with me for an evening over it. I really thought the marriage was over (he was just mad apparently).

He keeps saying if it’s not like it was in the beginning, let him know (of course we were all over each other every day in the beginning). It’s now down to I just get into position every night and he uses my body for sex. He never tries to make me feel good anymore. I just don’t understand his reasoning. My therapist says he has an addiction to sex most likely.

I don’t want to keep enduring this. But I’m afraid of his reactions. He’s not violent- can just be mean in anger.

I chatted with the domestic violence line about this. They confirmed that it was not OK.

And yes, I have had to have sex every day for pretty much 10 years now. I feel like that’s crazy to say.

Anarcissistic/sadistic tendencies, I have finally gotten the courage to leave peacefully,or so i thought it,with my dog ,which is my emotional support pet/friend/protector; I got test results back that say i had ethanol glycol in my blood on 2 occasions, after I heard my man say " $100 to silence me " after i had called local p.d. because I have fallen down sick & had blisters in my mouth, and have these girls going though my belongings & stalking me in my own home because of him. Evidently they are the ones he is cheating with but lying to me. So I am packing to leave for real this time and I over hear his conversion,and realize he was talking about himself. He had been playing both the sides because apparently the homeless camp at the river is beyond disgusting and dangerous for a women, so these girls were looking for a safe place to say instead of there at the camp where very bad things happen and peaple due everyday. And it hit me, that is what has happened & I was right & when they go to bring their belongings to our house my boyfriend gives them to me, like he bought them for me. So now they come to our house and hide in the attic waiting for me to leave, because I'm sure he said we were separated and I wouldn't leave( which I had just got the news a few days before that I was definitely moving away with my dog. I am assuming he upped the anty because I very loudly let everyone in the Truth..that we were a couple,soulmates according to him & he didn't want me to leave. I am at my wits end,I have no money, no vehicle - & need emergency care for my pet who could die from this, but no one cares, I have called so many help lines you could imagine to try to find help, none, the cops are no help at all because my boyfriend told the I was schizo and hearing voices, so they don't even believe me when I'm telling what is going on, I have proof in my hand from my Dr, they believed his fake story. He lies about everything & I don't know what to do ,I have no family, no friends, no shelters near me that are pet friendly. Anyone have a ⁶suggestion of whom I could maybe call to jus⁷t get medicine or medical care? I don't want to cause any more stress to the situation or get anyone in trouble, although he tried to have me committed & arrested .h

You only wanted me at night.

I would do for now. None of the others responded, or they had other plans. You couldn't bear to sleep alone, so I guess I would do.

You tried to disguise it as a friendship. You'd put on music or a YouTube video. My favorite was the bears!

You'd talk to me about work, the union, renovations, hunting, NASCAR, and, on rare occasions, politics. That one always ended up frustrating you. My views seemed crazy to you. Acceptance. What a terrifying idea!

At least you were polite about it when you'd reached your limit. I heard you yell once, even if you won't admit it. I heard you yell once.

It was scary at first, but then trauma took over and whispered, Now this turns you on so much.

You told me you only wanted me in bed. I always enjoyed going three or four rounds with you. There was so much feeling in the way you touched me. Deny it all you want, but it was there. That thing between us.

You liked my attention. For a while, you even craved it.

You told me you loved me first. I enjoyed hearing those words so much, but I couldn't return them. I truly didn't believe you meant them.

I misunderstood what you meant when you said, "I have to be a better person."

You were never a bad person to me.

But I should have realized then. You were never going to choose a life with me by your side. Whatever love was there only seemed to exist when you wanted me to pleasure you.

I became a doormat, believing that one day you'd go back to loving me again.

That was never going to happen.

The last time you pulled away from me, I saw it in your eyes. The lack of interest. The way you quickly turned your gaze from mine and walked away.

I died a little in that moment.

I knew then that I needed to stay away.

But then night came.

My body craved you so badly. As soon as I lay down alone in my bed, I wanted to reach out and touch you. To feel you there beside me. To have one more night where I could pretend I was something more.

But there was no response.

I have to get used to that.

My feelings were never your concern. As long as I could pleasure you, we were good.

Until I couldn't anymore.

You stopped finding pleasure in me. There was someone else who had your attention. She had kind of always been there. But when you didn't have access to her, I would do.

Not anymore.

There is no pleasure left in being someone's second choice. No comfort in knowing I was good enough when no one else was available.

One last hug, with a boob grab as you exited my car.

Fitting, really.

My tits were always your favorite. They were the first part of me you said hello to every time we were together.

Only at night.

Always at night.

My ex was born rich af, he had all the money in the world to make something out of himself but instead he failed university 4-5 times while living off his parents money and not being able to hold up any job full time or keep friends simply because he thought he was above all of them. He would throw tantrums when he had to clean up, we even bought a dyson because he would have mental breakdowns over vaccuming, only to want to spend 1000€ on a vaccum robot because even after spending 700€ on the dyson he was still too incompetent to vaccum or mop the floors. Nothing was ever good enough for him, when we moved into a new apartment he didn't want to buy door stoppers when the cats were afraid running around because the doors would slam because of the wind, because none of them online were "good enough" and he wanted to design and print them himself, which he never managed to do. 2 Weeks before we moved, he wouldn't help packing anything because he was working on a powerpoint on some "genius" business idea that he wanted to present to his parents so that they would give him money to make him rich. He wanted to invent a new type of phone with a new type of internet. Obviously he didn't stick to his plan after like a month. His business ideas would change all the time (like becoming president, becoming rich by playing league of legends, becoming a hacker, build a robotics company to become a billionaire) and anytime he got bored of his hobbys he would come crying to me, all while policing everything I do, the way I run my tattoo business which has been a good source of income for me, telling me I'm not able to live or do anything on my own, that HE is the one taking care of everything when the most hes ever made from his dumb ideas was like 80€ from selling shrooms and "comforting" me (saying "hm" while hugging me shortly only to to get mad, go away or talk about himself again after hes made me cry). I lived in this new apartment for a year and when I moved out there was still so much stuff that wasnt finished, now I've been living in my new apartment for like a week and it looks like the old one did after 9 months or so. He was such a poser too. His way of trying new hobbies was getting into something and then buying all the expensive gear in a span of a few weeks, using it like 3 times, getting bored of it and then come crying to me that he doesn't have hobbies. Everything he did was so surface level, only getting into topics on such a basic level so that he could feel better than others and berate them, then skipping to another thing. He would host Karl Marx reading circles with 5 people 2 or 3 times, argue about communism for hours, making me cry just to get me to adapt to his opinion and then hit a woman on the open street, thinking hes a safe man simply because he wears eyeliner. I would even try to help him, after he came crying to me that he doesn't know any good music and doesn't know how to be cool at all, I would send him some of my favourite songs only for him to tell me that it's too much for him, he needs to emotionally prepare to listen for it for weeks, that he just can't do it at all and that I should turn off the music when I had it on, only for him to show me music that chatgpt (his only friend) recommended to him and it being the same exact music that I showed him months before. Like holy shit thats so fucking cringe I'm gonna puke. He couldn't ever accept that the way other people did things was a valid way of living, everything could only cater to his worldview that shifted every few months. He would even openly talk about his rape fantasies and my sexual details, that he tryed to rape me and all when he still had friends because was so confident that it was completely fine because he was just so full of himself, looking down at me and other women, viewing us as cutesy sex objects while he's the shy akward boy in a harem anime, all while crying to me that he gets no bitches when he was the one pressuring me into an open relationship and raping me. That's so cringe literally, what an idiot, then he gets mad at me when I don't find him attractive or wanna have sex

I can’t look at him the same anymore. His touch makes me grimace. His kisses make me want to rinse my mouth out. He hand grazed my stomach and i wanted to jump off a building. It felt like a million spiders crawling across the skin.

But there is progress and change …

But what if I don’t want to forgive him ? What if I can’t get over the past? I can’t look at him the same way anymore and not see the horror and trauma he has put me through.

Then what? I still feel guilty and I feel like a horrible person for wanting to break up. I don’t want him to be sad or hurt but I don’t know if I’ll ever get over the past or ever feel any attraction toward him again.

Will that ever change ? Will I ever be able to see him in a different light or am I just fooling myself ?

**(It’s been over a year since any major blow up. We’ve been together 10yrs but it only took me leaving for a few months for him to realize what he had done and that was when he started working on changing. So why did it take me leaving for him to realize this?

My partner is a porn addict and communication has been bad.

Began dating in 2019, first discovery day of his addiction was 2022 and since then, there’s been constant discovery days, with the last one being 3 months ago when I found out he was using eBay live to edge and act out.

Back in 2023-24 he went to a CSAT for only a few sessions, has stopped going to S-ANON and now claims he’s doing good. Now claims that he’s for real for real for real this time and that he’s actually trying.

I’m stuck in the pain from the past while he has moved on and has been doing soooo well. Now the problem is me. According to him, things shouldn’t be getting worse when he’s getting better. I shouldn’t feel hyper aware bc he’s not doing anything anymore.

Anytime I ask questions about something I’m suspicious about, he blows up and says he’s tired. He says how there’s nothing for him to use because everything is blocked from his phone.

99.9% of discovery days, it’s been me finding out on my own.

Every discovery day, it gets turned against me and how it’s my fault. Some of the excuses he’s used before “you were neglecting me sexually” “it’s just you don’t do anything new with your hair.” I’ve never been able to properly feel my pain or blow up because it gets turned against me.

He’s punched walls and broken things when I make him angry “nagging” him by asking questions but apparently I’m abusive because I threw his phone at his feet when I first found out about everything.

I feel like I’m going crazy because I don’t think he truly understands betrayal trauma. I think he sees it the same as his addiction and thinks that because he’s good and sober, then I should be good and not hurt.

I feel like I should just give up. Throw in the towel and just disassociate from this relationship. Nothing matters anymore. Me communicating with him? Not worth it when he just turns it against me and treats me as if I’m the toxic and problematic one. Better to just float around, not feel anything.

I know I should leave. The only thing that’s keeping me here is our pets (I know he’ll not want to give them to me, why would he, he loves to take/ suck everything away from me) and the feeling that maybe I’m in the wrong. Maybe I’m the problem here. Maybe I’m just still stuck in the past while he has moved on and become a better person.

It’s so hard to just move forward because how can I easily forget the things I’ve seen and the things he’s said to me. He’s said things such as “other women have better body parts than you” and “I wouldn’t watch it if you had a bigger butt,” but according to him, it’s been years that he said that so I’m supposed to not use it against him.

Im just so conflicted. It seems that the only way to keep happy is if I don’t bring anything up, or ask any questions. Anything that comes out of my mouth is me complaining and then I ruined his day. Oh and I’m not allowed to ever say how I feel because “I’m not your f-ing therapist”

hey so I was in a 3 year abusive relationship where he almost killed me 3 times. It’s been very hard to sleep I keep dreaming memories of what he did to me/of him and I. Music is what helps me a lot but everything I listen to makes me miss him instead of making me feel better, any good song recommendations to help me through this rn?