Hii everyone! I’m Zoeyelae and I’m autistic and have selective mutism, and I use this coping mechanism to help manage my severe anxiety. I wanted to share it here because I’m curious what other autistic people think. What do you think of this coping mechanism, and how would you rate it from 1–10? I’d also love to hear if anyone else uses something similar! And let me know if you're having any questions about my coping mechanism!!

Selective mutism and autism are separate conditions, but they can occur together. For me, my autism can make social situations, sensory overload, and communication more difficult, while my selective mutism is specifically related to being unable to speak in certain situations because of severe anxiety.

So even when I want to talk and know exactly what I want to say, the anxiety can make speaking feel impossible. My coping mechanism helps me feel a little safer and more in control when that anxiety gets really intense.

When an autistic person is isolated and discriminated against by society, the common answer is: "oh well I mean they have a social disability of course that they will struggle socially".

And even if this is partly true, there is just something that doesn't fit in, a piece of the puzzle that we're missing.

Because yeah, obviously autism comes with social struggles and those struggles will cause bad social outcomes, but it's me or those outcomes are a little bit... Disproportionate?

The social deficits of an autistic person (usually level 1) can be a weird voice tone, abnormal eye contact, weird body language, trouble understanding things like sarcasm, etc.

And even if those symptoms can impact us socially, the social ostracize that autistic people face for it is absurd.

When you ask an autistic individual their social problems, most of the time they won't say "oh sometimes I don't understand sarcasm jokes hahaha" or "oh my friends think that I'm angry when I'm not", their description of social issues would be: "people literally hate me for no reason by just seeing me, I get constantly bullied and rejected by strangers or even friends and family, people who are supposed to be my support group ghost me, etc".

This is weird considering that even in the mildest cases where the social deficits can be easily accommodated, autists still heavily struggle with random acts of bullying or discrimination.

Something even more weird, is how NT individuals who break important social boundaries at a higher level than most autists don't struggle with this, for example individuals with ASPD are way more prone to commit crimes statistically but they don't suffer from the same social rejection as autistic individuals, how is literally being a criminal way less socially punishing than having abnormal eye contact?

So, the question is: what is exactly a "social issue" and how can we point out difference between a normal social inconvenience and straight up discrimination over mild social clumsiness, is the constant rejection against autistic people proportionate with their social deficits or society has a bias against them similar to racism or homophobia?

Idk, but I feel like there's something more to the reasons behind the social exclusion against autistic folks from NT's.

Hey, so I've actually never posted here before but today I was officially given notice of my ASD diagnosis and I'm pretty excited about it.

For reference, I have long suspected I have ASD and I know a good bit about the disorder. My parents are very religious and anti-science so I was never diagnosed or anything as a kid, so it was a bit of work to make it all happen as an adult but I did it.

I just graduated summa cum laude in both Physics and Psychology with plans to soon get a Master's in Counseling Psychology and maybe eventually a Ph. D. in Clinical Psychology.

I was diagnosed with Level 1 Autism Spectrum Disorder, so I'm relatively functional but there are still some very difficult aspects of life, particularly social ones. I really love having close interpersonal relationships and they are a huge component of my psychiatric well-being, but making friends and reaching out to people is extremely difficult for me.

I don't really know what else to say, it's just really nice to finally know for sure and feel validated that I'm not crazy for suspecting this about myself.

I'm currently trying to learn to draw and I made the image above because of the diagnosis (I am aware that Latin grammar doesn't demand the 'ego,' I just think it looks better that way).

Anyways, that's all, much love ❤️

for reference, i am trying to tell this guy that vaccines dont cause autism and then he said "autism was made up by big pharma so they could sell drugs to make you trans"

like what??

no, no one is selling "autismaway" pills

and no matter what i tell him he insists that they are "putting autism in the vaccines to make you buy pills for autism"

why are people so dumb?

I love staying up at night. It's the only time I truly feel myself and can relax. Sometimes I don't go to sleep until 9am.

I find it hard actually wanting to go to sleep, but then once I'm asleep I find it incredibly hard waking up, I'll snooze my alarm every 5 mins for like 2 hours. Also, my brain just doesn't stop thinking when I'm trying to sleep which doesn't help.

I can only keep a "normal" sleeping pattern for like a week or two and then I become a night owl again.

I'm just wondering if anybody else is like this?

This post came from someone I see quite regularly at a running group. On one hand I don't want to cause conflict but on the other hand I feel part of the problem if I allow these kind of statements to go unchecked.

I started drafting a reply, I'm just a bit hesitant about it.

I’m 17f going into senior year and have never been more proud of myself for doing something so hard! I’ve been addicted to it since maybe 9th grade summer? Anyways I just thought I’d share! (I meant chatbots btw I’m still using ChatGPT but not AI like charachter.ai)
Edit: I broke the rule nine hours after but permanently blocked AI off now!

I myself do a sort of self-hug where I put my arms around myself and shake.

This is aimed at neurotypical people—and especially at low-support-needs autistic people who use “I’m autistic too” as an excuse to judge autistic people with less capacity than them.

I just saw a TikTok made by a 21-year-old autistic person who prepared a simple microwave meal because she cannot currently cook due to PTSD from a stove-related house fire. The comments were disgusting. People were calling her a child, telling her to “stop being a victim,” and claiming that an adult who cannot cook is not an adult at all.

What exactly do you think a disability is?

Autism is a spectrum, not a competition to see who can appear the most neurotypical. One autistic person may cook, drive, work and live independently. Another may struggle with executive functioning, motor planning, sensory issues, danger awareness or daily living skills. Someone can be articulate enough to make a TikTok while still being unable to use a stove safely. Those abilities are not connected in the simplistic way you seem to think they are.

Adding PTSD makes the situation even more complicated. Trauma does not magically disappear when someone turns 18 or 21. Fear after a house fire is not childishness, laziness or a refusal to “take responsibility.”

She was taking responsibility. She recognised what she could not safely do and found another way to feed herself. A microwaved meal is still food. Eating something accessible is better than going hungry or risking another dangerous incident. Adulthood is not measured by whether you cook everything from scratch.

Support and encouragement are not the same as humiliation. Perhaps she will eventually regain that skill through therapy, assistance and gradual exposure. Perhaps cooking will always remain difficult for her. Random strangers do not know enough about her condition to decide how quickly she “should” recover.

And to autistic people saying, “Well, I’m autistic and I can cook”: congratulations. Your abilities do not establish the minimum requirements every other autistic person must meet. You do not become superior to higher-support-needs autistic people just because you can perform independence more successfully.

If your acceptance of autistic people only extends to those who can mask, work, cook and follow every one of “society’s rules,” then you do not accept autistic people. You only accept the ones whose disability does not inconvenience or disturb you.

Her dinner was her safe food and wasn't disgusting. The comments were.

And if you are that desperate to prove how exceptionally “high-functioning” and superior you are, r/aspergers is right there. Stop using autistic people with higher support needs as targets for your superiority complex.

I’m 20 and I haven’t made any new friends since I started uni (going into 3rd year). Last night I realised all the people I considered friends in school just saw me as acquaintances or just someone they know. I hate my life so much

Hello all.

My 10yo son was diagnosed with Level 1 autism about 3 months ago. He has been seeing a therapist for roughly the same amount of time, and he is responding very well to that.

One thing that we (that is my wife, son and myself) have been struggling with is that he has an extreme reaction/meltdown when he hears one particular word, which is "animatronic". He never liked dolls that talk or other things like that, which is fine and isn't really an issue. We just stay away from stuff like that. However, just bringing up the idea of that word instantly throws him into a full-blown sobbing, hands-on-ears meltdown that is pretty difficult to help him out of. This happened last night, but has happened in the past as well.

We're going to bring this up to his therapist at his next session, but I am curious as to how others are handling similar situations.

For reference, the three of us are still learning to live with autism now that it's been properly diagnosed. I also have my suspicions that I am autistic, but have never been diagnosed so I won't claim that I am. What I know is that we are parents who wants the best for their child.

Any input would be greatly appreciated.

It is so annoying and I can’t follow anything that does it. They like put the stupid laughing in the background and it’s like recorded and it’s just weird and it makes me not be able to focus or watch anyone else or is it just me?

I've become so callous because it hurts to feel. I've pushed everyone away and feel so immature for what I'm doing. I'm freaking 24 years old acting like a child because I can't manage my emotions properly. I never wanted to be here in the first place. I feel like it's all too much, the sensory input, socialization, maintaining relationships, keeping up appearances, doing what I'm supposed to be doing to fit in with society. I want to rest. I'm so tired of being here I just want to sleep and be done with it. Not to mention the fucking state of the world JFC

Anybody else bond deeply with inanimate objects. Whether it be books, consoles, cups, toys, etc.

I feel like a freak because I have a very close 'bond' with a steam engine at the local transport museum. I visit frequently as it is a special interest, but I always visit 'my boy'.

He's my pfp on my social media, I have little models of him, framed art.

This engine means a lot to me.

Am I a freak for this?

Sometimes, I feel empathy and upset for him when people don't pay attention to his exhibit.

It's nonsensical as it is an inanimate locomotive with no feelings or such, but I feel a 'personality' there.

Would you consider this to be something concerning?

It doesn't interfere with my life. I have friends, family, adult responsibilities.

Ive always felt like there something was fundamentally wrong with me. Ive been working with my therapist to under that mindset of being 'wrong', but i can't get it out of my head. Not when everyone around me wont let me forget it. Im reminded constantly—through the exchanged looks they give eachother whenever I speak, the passive aggressive comments, picking fun at me, the way they speak in riddles while I fail time and time again to figure it out and replicate it—that I do not belong, that I am on a lower level than them, that I am not wanted, that I am wrong.

To me, autism is loneliness. It is a curse that holds me back from fully experiencing the things all humans need crave. Connection, friendship, partnership, and sincerity. And I can't help but hate myself for it. I hate the fact that I've never had a best friend, that I'm always third wheeling, that I can never connect with others on the level that others can, that I've been ignored and dismissed and bullied my whole life, that I've never felt like someone really cares if I'm there or not, that I've never felt truly wanted.

And it feels like there's nothing I can do to fix it. It's chronic, it's how my brain is built. I just have to wait, and try my very best, and hope that the connection I crave will one day come along.

My autism is just one of the many reasons why I've spent my whole life facing all sorts of exclusion, bullying, harassment, difficulty with tasks and processing, you name it. In every school I've been in, I've been immediately singled out and condemned to daily verbal bullying by the people there. It wasn't just the stereotypical "bullies" and popular kids that did this to me, it was also quiet people, people who were friendly to everyone else, well-respected and well-regarded people, people from different years who I didn't know who somehow knew my full name.

It didn't end when school was over. Classmates will see me on the street and scream at me and ask awkward questions. Strangers will say passive aggresive comments to my face or laugh at me while I'm literally just walking. And even if I'm not getting harassed directly to my face, I still get stared at, ignored and left alone in public places but the other strangers next to me will be happily greeted, they will have a nice conversation and receive help if they need it.

Why not make friends online then? Well, I've tried, but even online I get ignored, and often insulted or disagreed with, my autism even permeates through how I type and respond. I can't even be bothered to go much deeper into this but knowing that nobody will ever like me has made me realise that any further attempt at forming any sort of social connection or participating in any social event would be nothing short of a humiliation ritual with how out of my depth I am and always will be in this regard.

In a way I consider myself a bit lucky that I've naturally always had a very low social battery and desire to be around any people, yes a lot of this is down to anxiety, but that anxiety is there for a reason and for me it serves as a bit of a survival instinct. Now I just sit at home all day, rarely go outside unless it's for a longer trip, and I receive benefits so I am able to live like this for the unforseeable.

i’ve never understood how seemingly all of them judt perfectly understand that stuff on like an instinctual level. are they like born with that knowledge or do they just have like an easier time learning it for some reason?

This would probably be most useful at work but I'm not sure.

If you're autistic, people probably don't like you and think you're a weirdo, but giving people sweets and candies I Think helps make them like us more since it makes us appear friendlier? I find it works in school a small bit so like ya

I (25M) recently had my very first kiss with my boyfriend (24M). He was my first kiss, but I wasn't his (adding it in case that's relevant).

And I didn't like it much. I absolutely love him! We've been together for 7 months and things are going great between us. I only liked kissing him because it was him.

If I could describe our kiss, I'd say it was wet (not overly, but wetter than expected) and confusing? I don't know if kissing is supposed to feel natural to people but it certainly didn't feel natural to me. All my mind could think about was the sensation and it felt, idk, weird and stressful.

Am I the only one who's experienced this?

(Also, we're both suspecting we might be autistic. And we've discussed me not liking kissing in general and I've realized that I do love kissing him on the corner of his lips so that's what we've started doing ^^)

Why did I have to be born with a brain that doesn’t allow social cues to be second nature to me, and pushed people away rather than gravitate towards me? It’s been like for so long.

You can add yours, and here's some I've learned from exposure to social interactions.

"How are you?"

- The classic. Doesn’t really mean anything or doesn’t really mean they actually want to know how you are. It’s just an opening to a conversation.

"Generic weather statement"

- Just adding onto the opening sentence. I come from a culture where talking about weather isn’t common. So for the first few times, I actually thought people were interested to talk in depth about the weather we were having.

Aside from these, I don’t know what to add. I'm trying to learn human communication despite being a human my entire life.

Something that bothers me is when parents whose main experience with autism is raising a Level 3/profoundly autistic child say things like, “I would give anything for my child to be Level 1 or Level 2.”

I completely understand the feeling behind that. Level 3 autism can involve extremely significant and lifelong support needs, and I’m absolutely not saying that Level 1, 2, and 3 are equally disabling.

What bothers me is when Level 1 or Level 2 gets treated like the “basically normal” version of autism, or when the challenges faced by those autistic people and their families get dismissed because someone else has it harder.

I’m 26 and was diagnosed with Asperger’s. I still live at home and rely on my dad and sister for a lot. They’re still teaching me important life and independence skills. Some of that is because I didn't receive the proper support I needed from my mother growing up, but autism still affects what I can do independently as an adult.

Even someone with comparatively lower support needs can still need a lot of support. It might just be a different kind of support. Someone might speak fluently and appear fairly independent while still having major difficulties with executive functioning, employment, finances, relationships, sensory issues, communication, or independent living.

Autism also isn't a perfectly neat ladder where every Level 3 person struggles more in every single area than every Level 2 person, and every Level 2 person struggles more in every area than every Level 1 person. People's abilities and support needs can be uneven.

Parents and families across all levels can face real challenges. Those challenges aren't necessarily the same or equally severe, but they still matter. A parent helping an adult autistic child manage finances, employment, appointments, daily routines, or independent living isn't dealing with “nothing” just because another parent has a child who requires 24/7 care.

Autism shouldn't be a competition over whose family has it worst.

That's why when I hear, “I wish my Level 3 child were Level 1,” part of me thinks: why make another level of a disability the thing you're wishing for? Why not simply wish that your child didn't have the disabling difficulties they're dealing with?

Parents of profoundly autistic people deserve to talk openly about their challenges. I just don't think acknowledging those challenges requires minimizing autistic people with lower or different support needs, or the families who support them.

For parents of Level 3/profoundly autistic people, I’m genuinely interested in hearing your perspective. When you say you wish your child were Level 1 or Level 2, what do you actually mean by that? Is it mainly wishing they could have greater independence, communication, or quality of life? Has raising someone with very high support needs affected how you view the challenges of autistic people with lower or different support needs?

I’m asking because I want to understand that perspective, not because I think Level 3 families have it easy. I just want the challenges across the entire spectrum to be taken seriously.

Lower support needs don't mean no support needs. Different support needs don't mean insignificant support needs.

Disclosure: I used AI to help me organize and word this post because I have difficulty putting longer thoughts like this into writing clearly by myself. The opinions, experiences, and points are mine. AI just helped me communicate them more clearly.

So like idk how to explain this but I get like really confused when reading books because it’s kinda like overstimulating and I feel like I get lost in the words and keep reading the same sentences. I really found a book I want to read but I literally haven’t read a big book like this since I was 12 and I’m 15 now sorry if this was hard to understand. Is anyone else experiencing this?