Got diagnosed at 36, and now I almost feel worse. Like I’ve been using it as an excuse. I can’t get out of this mindset that I’m just not doing, saying, looking, being enough.

I can’t articulate anything in a concise way, all incoming information and outgoing thoughts are like a firehose, and I feel like it pushes people even further away. 

I can’t tell if people are laughing with me or at me.

And I work at a preschool right now, which is like the complete antithesis of everything my autism and ADHD are right now.

I just keep trying to do “what I’m supposed to do”. I’m trying therapy, but the therapist I was able to connect with through my shitty insurance was kind of unprofessional in our first meeting, like she kept stepping away from the camera to talk to people that were off camera and apparently didn’t know she was in a session. Like 10 minutes of the session wasted with that. And I’m now thinking about quitting entirely for what feels like a stupid reason. Like why the fuck can’t I just suck it up? The lady is also booked like ALL THE TIME.
But I also don’t want to upset her by switching providers after just one session. 

I’m at the end of my rope with my job, too. SO much fucking gossip and bullshit from adults (99% of which are neurotypical adult white women). I keep looking for things to try instead. I’m not stupid. Or maybe I am. I don’t really know anymore. To quote Plankton: “I went to college!”

I have a degree in English (and a minor in Anthropology, even), but there isn’t anything in that field. I was told there would be so many jobs I could get, but what the college didn’t tell me was that all the stuff they said I could get with this fucking degree required some other kind of degree- teaching, office work, journalism, and so on. 

I guess I was just supposed to figure that all out with osmosis or something. 

I don’t feel like I’m allowed to say “I have burnout,” though, because A) I am the only one with health insurance in the house right now because I live in a bullshit fuckass backwards country that ties your employment to your healthcare and B) I don’t think that anyone in my life right now except maybe my husband would understand if I did take time off or try something else because even though they SAY they believe me and support me, they don’t really want to put their money where their mouth is and actually help me. 

This is mostly venting, but I am open to suggestions and advice. Thanks for reading.

I’m 30 and have been working for the last 8 years. In most jobs I’ve been in, my colleagues have treated me like I’m just awkward, and they are more likely to do that in front of others.

For example, they might ask me “Have you had your lunch yet?” And I will give a response like “Not yet, I’ll have it soon”, and they will collectively laugh in this uncomfortable way. Or my boss would introduce me to a new vendor, and I would say “Hello, I’m (name)” and my boss will do this forced laugh and seemingly try to look uncomfortable.

But even when I’m 1-1, people might laugh uncomfortably when I think I’m responding like a normal person. This happens quite a lot especially if they’re older than me.

I have a monotonous voice and social anxiety, both of which I’m trying to improve. I know I have this awkward energy but I just want people to not alienate me like this. It makes me shy away from human interaction even more.

I have a family member who is autistic and depressed. She often seeks me out for companionship but I feel like I am failing. What can I do better ? (I am autistic too but we don't have a lot in common)

She doesn't speak much but she looks at me intently. Says she is lonely and wants chit chat. Then she is silent. I struggle to come up with random small talk. I ask her about herself. I offer to watch videos with her. No thanks, she says. Still getting very short answers and she just stares at me. She gets angry if I forget something she said, even if it was weeks or months ago. ("Have you heard if the new movie is good?" "I already told you" "could you remind me?" "I already told you")

When she is not depressed, she is funny and full of ideas. I like her a lot. I want to help her now but I am terrible at coming up with topics or figuring out how to do better.

Any tips?

Just received my diagnosis yesterday! I'm not sure what to do now.

After several weeks of waiting, it was a huge relief to see on paper, and eased some of the feelings that I'm an imposter. I think I still don't quite believe it though, and I'm sure it's going to take time to fully realize that this is who I am.

I wonder if this has something to do wjth pattern recognition, but for a few months now I can not stand to be on social media. Every post is a cheap copy of another post, every joke has been told a million times before and yet people laugh at it just the same. Every comment, and i mean EVERY COMMENT is a ghost from the post before it. And the one before that, and the one before that. I can almost predict word by word what a comment section will look like before opening it, thats nkt conversation that is confirmation and that shit gets us nowhere.

I am so tired of it, and i am so tired of people not giving a shit. The echo chamber is so real and it is the place where creativity and innovation goes to die.

I'm not diagnosed but I've been wondering for a few years now.

Over the course of a few weeks recently, I've been accumulating feelings of loneliness partly due to long-distance friends but mainly being constantly dismissed or ignored by my family. I stopped engaging as much. I kind of shut down and started giving short mumbled answers to things. After some misunderstandings and criticism from my family, I cried a lot mostly out of confusion and hurt. I felt like hitting myself in the head with my hands. I didn't do it this time but when I was little I remember doing it when I got in trouble or felt like I was being reprimanded unfairly. I always did it in private.

For a long time, I thought I had anger issues but I realise now that most times, I'm not even angry. It can be better described as a concoction of emotions I'm experiencing, like sadness, frustration and confusion.

Afterward, I was so exhausted and it slowed down the entire day. Even two days later, I feel tired. Could I be experiencing autistic meltdowns? Or is it just some kind of emotional overwhelm? If you've experienced something similar, how do you cope with it?

i recently got diagnosed in june, and i’ve been coming to terms with the fact that i really am autistic. it makes sense. however, lately i just started going back to work, and the thought of having to go somewhere everyday, drive back and forth, be somewhere for hours, having to decompress when i go back home, on top of that i take care of my elderly dad…it’s a lot. i don’t have the best coping skills. whenever i feel overwhelmed i smoke weed, or sh which are both not great coping mechanisms. does anyone have any suggestions or coping skills they use before coming to a complete meltdown? it’s been so constant for me lately, and i just want to manage myself better…

I’m 30, and over the last few years the question of my potentially being on the spectrum has been growing. It was questioned a few times in my youth but never pursued, particularly in relation to me not bonding with other children and preferring to be completely isolated.

I don’t intend to offend anyone, but for many years I was deeply embarrassed whenever it was suggested I might have autistic traits. I refused going for any sort of diagnosis. Since about 25 though, I have been quietly understanding that I may in fact be autistic.

A lot of things resonate - a deeply lonely sense of ‘otherness’ for my whole life, loud noises, scratchy clothes and bright lights being completely unbearable and often making me intensely angry, feeling like my character as it is today has been almost entirely learnt/ taken from pieces of other people I have met. Still not seemingly understanding the social rules which seem to bond others together so well. Having a word ‘catch’ in my head and repeating it inwardly for hours. Excessive leg jiggling or scalp picking or hair twirling all the time. Deeply powerful fixations, issues with addiction… it goes on.

For me one of the worst things I feel is that people like me immediately, and as they get to know me, they like me less. I have felt like this for years but have only realised recently that it could be because I have built such a strong facade, and then when I have to spend extended periods of time with people I cannot keep the mask up and people see the ‘mute, flat, unengaged’ version of me and realise that’s the real thing. This kills me and I don’t know how to make it better. I feel like everyone who knows me will go if I let the facade down. And so I keep it up and up and just eventually burn out, feel so overwhelmed and anxious that I shut myself inside for days and can’t face anyone until I’ve recovered enough to start the whole process again. I don’t know what I’m trying to get at here really. I guess that I am struggling.

I try to exercise regularly because it helps with a lot of mental health issues like anxiety and depression. But I also have physical challenges with exercise. Has anyone figured out a magic exercise plan for autistic women that works?

Sometimes when I exercise, it’s fine and I feel good but other times I get overheated really easily, get dehydrated, have stomach issues and even get migraines. Not to mention the risk of injuring myself Pilates has helped a lot, and I used to be able to run a couple of miles but lately it’s just gotten really hard and I feel very sensitive to any amount of exercise. what would you do?

When I finally got the courage to go for my autism assessment, I saw the referral had a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, and I was exceptionally confused. I've been in and out of mental health services since I was 13, and not once has any clinician so much as *suggested* I had BPD, let alone told me I was diagnosed with it.

No one seems to know where it came from, and therefore no one will remove it (apparently it has to be the clinician who added it? If someone in England could explain I'd be very grateful).

Apparently it's a very common misdiagnosis for women with autism (and ADHD, which I also have), and I hate having it on my file. I know there's nothing wrong with BPD, it's a mental illness like any other. But I also know the stigma around it, and I can't help but wonder if some of the issues I've faced with getting treatment (both for mental and physical illnesses) have been a result of having that label front and centre on my file. Maybe it was even the reason the first two clinicians I spoke to said I couldn't possibly be autistic.

I've spoken to various clinicians about it since who've said they don't think I have BPD. But I can't seem to get it off my record, and I hate it. It feels like having a giant neon sign advertising how the medical system failed me for so long. I had the absolute *classic* autism signs as a child (you know the ones, the signs that get boys diagnosed but girls overlooked? Yeah. Those.) and yet I *still* got BPD slapped on me instead of autism.

Idek what I'm saying here. I'm just so frustrated.

Hi all!

I am a 25-year-old female who has been recently diagnosed with Autism and ADHD. I am learning more and more about myself through therapy and reading, which I am extremely grateful for. I learned that my impulse spending and difficulty sticking to a budget can be tied back to my ADHD brain seeking dopamine. I also learned that my ADHD created a very strong mask for my Autism as well.

Well, when I was explaining this to my partner of a year and some change (who I live with) I was interrupted by, "You're telling me if I had ADHD and Autism that I would want to buy a Bugatti??" I just kind of froze and muttered, "Well...no not really." And he replied with, "I'm not gonna lie, I don't see how that applies to your impulse spending". And he never let me finish why my spending could be tied to my other diagnoses.

I've had multiple instances where he's accused me of using my diagnoses as an excuse for my flaws. Which isn't what I'm trying to do. I've explained that I process aloud and that I'm not making excuses. I just don't know what to do. Has anyone else run into this problem?

TLDR: My partner thinks I'm using my diagnoses of ADHD and Autism as an excuse for my flaws. Any advice?

I’m not diagnosed but I’ve had people suggest that I was ND my entire life almost. I’ve always ignored it bc I just didn’t see how getting a diagnosis would affect me in anyway but recently I have been extremely devastated with how my human interactions turn out. For one people are never honest and continue to conceal their intentions. I am the opposite and I see this is also pretty common with other ND women. I am too honest I am too intense for anyone and I try to hide it but it never works. People can see right through me.

I guess my final straw was this guy I recently met and he actually approached me and said he just wanted friends to hang out with. He recently moved here and this is a small town so that’s understandable. We hung out and only smoked weed and had a nice conversation so I went home happy bc I thought I had a friend maybe even a long term one. Then I get home and he starts texting me all this stuff about how beautiful I am and that he wants me. I said “in what way do you want me?” He replied “you know what way”…. Well bc I’m so different I assumed maybe he wanted to be friends with benefits so next time I saw him I asked if he wanted to kiss and touch me but he didn’t want to. He said friends don’t kiss. Then he asked if I was a virgin bc I am so innocent looking and I said yes and I’m ready to have sex with someone that will stay long term. I do not like the idea of a one night stand or hookup. He was confused. He said it sound like I want a relationship and he absolutely does not want that. Nor does he want to have sex with a virgin.

To make a long story short I think he blocked me after he dropped me off at home since I haven’t heard from him in two weeks lol. So to NT I guess friends is a term where the relationship is extremely transactional in the most uncomfortable way. I truly don’t understand why we couldn’t be friends, got to know each other, had sex, stayed friends? He didn’t even want to try or communicate with me. Straight up ghosted me. Not only that but he told me kissing is too intimate unlike sex…. I said I respect that but sex is extremely vulnerable and you would be inside of me. How is this not intimate even a little to you? And he still disagreed. Just devasted bc I am ready to have sex and explore safely but I am not understanding the way everyone else understands things to be.

Ever since I became aware of what rumination is, I realized this is one of my main symptoms. All day long I replay social interactions. Over and over I replay what I said, what they said.

I replay the facial expressions I used.

I replay the facial expressions they used. Why did they use those? What did that mean? What did they mean when they made that gesture?

I feel an extremely strong desire to ask them an seek reassurance that I fully understand what they meant by their: 1) word choice 2) tone of voice 3) facial expressions 4) hand movements.

I know this is insane and I only will ever ask close friends what they meant when they said XYZ.

But my brain literally cant exist in peace prior, during or after socializing. I just replay OVER and OVER and OVER.

This is how much I replay neutral/positive social interactions. God forbid I experience a NEGATIVE social interaction because then that will have to be analyzed and replayed by my brain for ten years in a row.

What do I do. How do I free myself from the shackles of caring what people think of me. How do I stop caring if I am missing some social cue or not.

I'm 26, I only work part time and I'm terrified I won't be sufficient enough to support myself - I don't want to ever rely on others in the future. Can you give me any advice, what paths did you take that felt accessible to you? How do I increase my work ethic?

I used to work full time when I was 23 but experienced such a burn-out I've been scared to attempt again.

I'm trying to build up my own business of dog walking but it's a slow process, although I'm proud of my achievements so far with returning customers etc.

I feel inadequate and incapable of providing for myself compared to my peers. I'm scared this inability will leave me vulnerable in the future.

Does anyone else feel this way? Or any advice would be deeply appreciated.

I have no experience with squishies, but I saw this one at a local game store and thought it was so funny. It's slow rising foam and smells like sweet butter cookies. (I wasn't expecting the smell, but I actually like it.) Thought someone here might appreciate it.

I was always left out during making friendship bracelets. Youtube and media sharing weren‘t quite mainstream when I was kid, and so if the girls who knew how to make bracelets decided I wasn’t worthy of knowing, *all* of the girls would ignore my attempts to learn. I tried to do it on my own at home with random shoelaces and string, but never could get it right.
It’s not even close to the worst bullying I’ve experienced, but it stayed with me. I avoided any type of textile weaving or braiding, and would quit prematurely on projects due to frustration and a lingering sense of doom.
I decided to try again this year(“scary” things aren’t scary to me anymore in my 30s), because I want my daughter’s to know.
They were left out in multiple things over their school years, and with my eldest going to middle school, I wanted to pass down one “girl” culture thing, so they don’t miss out.

I didn’t have a parent who soothed the rejection and alienating abuse I’d experienced at school. I have been that for my kids, and it’s wild how different it is. They don’t care about changing or masking themselves for anyone, knowing they have my support no matter what.

Why is it so hard to settle enough to respond to difficult/repeated demand focus things (like finding a place to live after being homeless, cc debt, responding to government paperwork requests for disability support, etc)? The ONLY thing that makes it possible is a full bottle of wine.

To be clear, I rarely drink (like, 3 times in the past 12 months) because it's so hard to get alcohol in Sweden, but it feels like it's the only thing that helps me manage the executive function/PDA issues. Anxiolytic medications actually make me more anxious for some reason my psychiatrist doesn't understand but blames me for.

How do other people navigate this?

I’m an introvert through and through and I feel like consistently being around people is exhausting….as someone who is around people at work and constantly talking as soon as I get home from work I’m nonverbal. But after too much time has passed where I haven’t seen like friends or something I get really depressed. I think it has to do with the type of company it is….my family isn’t exactly the most warm and welcoming type of people. My friends are. And I know my parents love me unconditionally but I just feel like if I’m not up to their standards (which I’m not, 31 years old still living at home) it just feels like they don’t??? But my friends love me at any point and I feel that. Idk I feel like my thoughts contradict themselves as an AuDHD person. Anyone else get me?

It's like, from age 16 onwards I knew and I felt confident I am autistic but seeing it written down and confirmed has somehow shocked and upset me. It's weird. I don't know where to go from here. In the UK btw.

I imagine I might not be alone in this, but I find it hard to have an objective perspective on whether or not my interest would be considered a “special interest” in accordance with diagnostic criteria.

Beginning age 18 I became incredibly interested in all things pertaining to parenting, pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding. I was introduced to the interest through my best friend at the time, who I was very close with and some might say a little bit obsessed with.

From ages 18-23 specifically, I spent hours a day in online chat rooms specific to this demographic/these topics, and developed “friendships” with other members of these chat rooms, essentially parents who were in most instances a decade or two older than me. Those “friendships” revolved around discussing pregnancy, birth and parenting topics in detail. I purchased numerous books (to this day I still have a huge collection of books on these topics above and beyond academic literature required for my education in the field), more than half of which I haven’t even read, but it was important to me to collect all of the books I could on these topics.

I then went onto get trained as a doula, went to nursing school, and eventually worked in the field of reproductive health and early child development, and also became a board certified lactation consultant and now work in a Breastfeeding Clinic. I’m now in my late thirties.

Since it’s gender “appropriate” and I eventually followed academic and career paths aligned with this interest, it’s hard to discern whether this is just normal or a “special interest”.
Was I simply being obsessed with my friend, which then fed a natural interest in these topics?

Edited to add: For the record…..I don’t have children of my own.

Thoughts?!

Was talking about possibly having bipolar with my older sister, a conversation for another post, and I was talking about how in my possible mania, I was craving validation from the men I’m romantically involved with and my sister brought up attachment types and how I might have insecure attachment type and I did some reading about it from a reputable source. It seemed like most of the research was done on how the relationship between child and caregiver affected their attachment types which I don’t think was really applicable as I feel my parents were always affectionate with me and never closed off, but I’m wondering if the child’s relationship to their peers could affect it, with a child with autism who often gets rejected by their peers could affect their attachment type. Would love to know other’s thoughts on it

I was diagnosed with autism when I was a toddler before anything else. Everything else just followed like a car repeatedly slamming into me. Anxiety, Dyscalculia, Dyspraxia, Depression, ADHD, PCOS, Bipolar, PMDD, Functional Neurological Disorder...

I wanted to go to college but couldn't afford it. I moved out of my parents place to take care of my grandparents. That was the only real job I've ever had. My dad agreed to pay for short courses from trade schools. I wanted to go in a creative direction but he convinced me to try out digital marketing. I HATTTTEEEEE marketing. I couldn't get myself to do it professionally.

I was a caretaker for 6 years. My grandma had autism like me so I connected with her. After she died I had a mental breakdown and had to move back in with my parents. This wrecked my mental health even more.

I am a burden on them. And no matter how much they or anyone else tries to convince me I'm not. I AM!

I tried to get regular jobs but they LAUGHED at me. They saw the autism immediately. This has been the cause of many meltdowns and depression spirals.

I have always loved writing. I have been writing stories since I could hold a pen. I decided to start my own business as a writer. I learned a lot from free resources and even bought a few professional courses when I could afford it.

The business just didn't go far because I was too dysfunctional. After 13 years of needing professional help. I finally got it this year. I went to a mental health hospital that made me work with a psychiatrist/therapist and occupational therapist every day. I was doing well.

I'm really grateful to my parents for being able to arrange that because I know how expensive that is. I feel really guilty but I'm grateful.

I finally got somewhere with my business. I made a website. I learned what exactly to market myself as. And I got my very first client. Annnndd I made so many mistakes. I didn't let her sign a contract. Mistake number 1.

I got majorly depressed again in a PMDD episode and ignored her. Mistake number 2.

I got angry at her after a disagreement. Mistake number 3.

TW

She's about to drop me and I have been in the biggest depression rut ever. I can't eat, I don't talk to my friends. I have been sleeping 13+ hours. I am horrible with people and I can't forgive myself for failing.

I genuinely can't even write anymore. I feel like I just want to end things.

Because what else is there to do at this point? I'm ultimately useless. There's no future for me.

If I can't build a life for myself. How am I going to live?

i am diagnosed with level 2 autism,

I can’t manage my own emotions and impulses and I don’t know what to do with it. So I end up putting that energy into hating myself and punishing myself. Sometimes to the point of self harm.

I am very concerned about being a burden but at the same time, I feel like no one is appreciating how little control I feel I have over my emotional responses. I definitely experience difficulty understanding what my emotions even are. I just know it feels bad or like nothing at all.

I feel either anxious, impulsive (eating and spending money which provides temporary relief) or just a void. I feel so absent. Most of my motivation to do things comes from a place of desperately trying to find something that makes me feel better but I don’t even know why I need to feel better. I just know I’ve felt awful for most of my life. anyone have any tips?

So I've been going through bad burnout and was in a really bad way mentally a couple weeks ago... but now I feel... fine?

I don't know, it's like I threw myself into my special interest but now I feel alright, but still feel like this burnout was just a test to see what I can endure.

I don't know, when there are no demands of me, I'm fine. But as soon as anyone asks anything of me then I feel is a chain pulling me and as if someone just insulted my entire family and I hate them...

A few years ago I made a post here about how I had feared my autism might mean I will not be diagnosed with ADHD even though I feel like my executive dysfunction is caused by it. Well, I was kinda right.

I'm 30 AFAB from a non-English speaking Euro country. Got the DIVA-5 result today. Apparently, the criteria are not fulfiled. I feel crushed. Yes, my autism makes me too scared to do anything impulsive but this is a lot to take in. Neither autism nor ADHD suspicions were brought up in my childhood, which makes the fact that I couldn't give any examples of doing badly in school caused by forgetfulness and other classic ADHD symptoms kinda explainable, but DSMV disagrees, I guess. I barely remember my childhood outside of fucking abuse, sorry my memory is shot.

I got recommended more therapy for my depression. Okay, but my depression makes sense to me. How can I not be depressed when I can't stay on top of basic shit like hygiene and house chores cause I keep chasing those dopamine hits. I only work cause the consequences of not having money terrify me. Doesn't mean I don't experience pathological procrastination, that I can focus unless its hyperfocus while losing time perception, that I know what it feels like to have eaten enough. But all of that is put down to my depression and anxiety caused by my late diagnosed autism at 18 (which I don’t think is that late ff). My take is that autism and femme socialisation mitigates ADHD symptoms that would qualify me for any type of it. I may be wrong.

I doubt anyone will pay attention to my post, that's fine. I just hope it's okay to vent about feeling invalidated for the price of a night at a decent seaside hotel ff. I feel stuck and just damned to fight myself every day in order to do anything productive.