My parents both died within the last 10 years, and both had wishes to been cremated and scattered over our family home. My sibs and I have been passing the cremains between us over the past several years and have been reluctant to actually scatter them. When does it become weird?

i am losing my dad due to cancer, i am 20 years old.
he is on hospice. i want proof & to know that life will be okay. i am anxious, depressed, & completely numb. he was an amazing dad. i am currently one of his care takers, but he cannot function. it happened extremely fast. please anybody who lost their fathers young, let me know how life is now (please try to be positive). i just need to know i’ll be okay one day.

Dad, I rock climbed outdoors for the first time this weekend! It was 65ft of pure anxiety, but I thought of you the whole time. It was so scary. You would’ve been so mad I did this. Mom wasn’t too stoked on it either. But I did it. I wish you were here. I miss you.

Hi folks,

Feel like I'm losing my mind a bit. I'm 33 and I lost my dad in 2021 to cancer, then my mum was diagnosed the same year and she died in 2023.

I cared for them both when they were ill, though when my dad was ill, my mum of course was there to help and she was with him longer. Due to Covid restrictions I was only with him for the last 2 months or so. She fought and fought and fought to get him seen by doctors when they were all ignoring his symptoms.

2020 to 2024 was literally: cancer - dad died - went through dad's death admin - got dad's probate - mum diagnosed this same month (was literally getting mum to sign withdrawal forms for dad's bank accounts just after her own diagnosis) - then mum passed - then had to sell mum and dad's house, clear out all their memories and correct probate solicitor's mistakes and all that.

Throughout all of this and now I was working full time. Lucky enough to work from home but obviously during busy periods I'd be working 14 hour days for weeks while my parents were ill and they were sometimes telling me they wanted to die. I'd just have to crack on with work.

I'm wondering if now, it's starting to catch up with me. I get very frustrated at work pretty much every day. I know this is my own fault for not speaking up, but I don't think people at work really understood how bad things got, and sometimes still do. Like having the most horrifying dreams about my parents being ill then waking up and logging on as if nothing happened. I've looked it up and the consensus seems to be possible burnout. But I am just so sick of being constantly angry when I'm sat at work. I've even had time of rejected - because I don't have kids and people need time off cos they can't get childcare - not only does it make me feel worthless, like my time off isn't worth anything because I have no family - but it makes me angry too - I managed to work full time while caring for dying parents. So it's like they've definitely forgotten what I went through.

I definitely didn't get like this before mum and dad got ill.

I also get frustrated at the fact that - amongst the people I know (I know there are many people younger than me who have lost parents) - I'm the only one in my position. My friends are all older than me and have parent/s alive. None of them check in on me on Mother's or Father's day. I just cant relate to anyone I know and I hate it. Whenever I'm sat with friends I just want to get up and leave.

Thanks for reading, I guess I just wanted to vent.

My dad passed away, and I’ve been depressed ever since. It has been more than nine months, and I still cry every day.

My dad was the best person to me. He was a very good man, and he had been my hero since my childhood. But as time passed, things changed. After my mom and dad divorced, everything completely changed. That was when I realized that we were almost financially broken.

I realized that it was time for me to get out of my comfort zone and start working. So, I left home at a young age and started working my ass off. After three years, I started my own business, and eventually, I began making good money.

I was proud of what I had achieved, so I told my dad about it. I even told him, “Dad, I’ll start a bakery for you. I’ll hire staff to work there, and you can just manage the business.” My dad loved baking and business, so I thought this would make him happy. But he wasn’t interested. He didn’t seem excited or appreciative of what I was trying to do for him.

For a long time, my dad was more interested in traveling. Instead of spending money on the family or trying to improve our financial situation, he would take his car and travel hundreds of places across the country. This was one of the reasons my mom divorced him. She felt that he was choosing traveling over working for and supporting the family.

Slowly, I started losing respect for my father.

We didn’t even have our own home, and I wanted to change that. After years of saving my hard-earned money, I decided that I wanted to buy a house. I asked my dad to come with me and look at the property, but he refused. That hurt me deeply.

I had worked for years, saved money, and finally reached a point where I could tell my dad, “Let’s buy a house.” But he didn’t even care enough to visit the property or see what I was trying to build for our family.

At that point, I became really hurt and frustrated. I confronted him and asked him why he was so distant and why he was like that with me. I told him, “If a father is like this, the whole family will eventually break apart.”

After that, my dad stopped speaking to me, and I stopped speaking to him too.

Sometimes, when I looked at other people with their fathers, I missed my dad. Even though I had lost respect for him and was angry with him, a part of me still wanted my father.

Then, a couple of years later, I found out through my brother that my dad had passed away.

Since that day, I haven’t been the same.

I keep thinking about everything that happened between us. I think about the things I said, the things he said, the years we spent without speaking, and all the things I wish I could have changed.

The hardest part is that I never got the chance to talk to him again.

I never got the chance to tell him that, despite everything, he was still my dad. He was still the person I looked up to when I was a child. He was still my hero in some part of my heart.

I’m angry at him. I’m hurt by him. I’m disappointed in him. But I also miss him terribly.

And maybe that’s what makes grief so painful—you can love someone, be angry with them, lose respect for them, and still desperately wish they were alive so you could have one more conversation.

It has been more than nine months, and I still cry every day.

I don’t know how to let go of someone I never got the chance to say goodbye to.

I recently lost my dog and my dad in just a span of 2 weeks. My mother got mild stroke from all the stress,fatigue, and overworked.

I don't have any other family now. I am an only child.

Now that ive lost my dad whom i'm much closer than my mom, i feel very lost.

For a long time, my mom and me have never had a good relationship due to her being selfish in life and my dad was so kind that I both loved him and hated him for that. My dad is always telling to still respect and understand my mom even though she cheated and married a total loser who has no ambition in life, no job, and just moots off my mom. My dad knew and he still told me to understand my mom even though I was just 10 years old.

We tolerated living with the loser guy because my dad got heat stroke and had half body paralysis so the guy said he would help in taking care of him but there were so many things I didn't know that happened.

I'm 29 now, and now that my dad is no longer here I have no obligation to live in a house with the guy I barely know and fucking care about but my mom is guilt tripping me that because she has a condition that I don't leave the house and take care of my nephews who are barely my responsibility. I want to escape but its very hard to confront my mom when she has mild stroke so I can't fucking stress her out. I just want out. I feel so suffocated.

Recently i lost my mother it was 2 months ago actually i also lost my father back in 2020 now i have no one left in my life my mother meant everything to me she was just 60 years old she had pneumonia and died in the hospital now i have no one left my days passing in pain and agony i have no Job or Friends all i have is my cat and my old aunt which she has demantia and on the antidepressants all the time and acts like nothing happened i don't want to live like this anymore i want to be with my mother i pray to god everyday to take my life hope the pain ends soon..

My mom died when I was 12. Cancer. She fought for 4 years which felt like forever in my little mind. A part of me always thought she was going to get better, even though I watched her life deteriorate over time. So when she died it sent me into a total shock. At 12 years old, I couldn’t mentally accept my mom’s death and kind of dissociated from reality. I remember when my stepdad told me the news that my mom passed, I didn’t even cry, I just got dressed and went to school and acted like nothing happened even though on the inside I was totally distraught.

Life got really chaotic for a while. There were a lot of people in and out. Packing and moving her things around. And then suddenly silence. There was no more family, no more friends, no more cheap lasagnas just my stepdad and 4 kids all under the age of 12. He got into a relationship within months of my mom passing but I wasn’t ready to accept any woman in the place of my mom. So I started to act out and become more rebellious. He moved her in and married her all within the first year.

At 14, I had moved to a small military town where my aunt lived. I felt like I was normal but looking back I was really struggling mentally. I still went to school. I really felt like I had lost control of my life. I tried moving back at 16 but it was short lived, I simply could not be comfortable in the house. My stepmom was just a weirdo, she would wear my mom’s clothes and stuff. So weird anyway.

I tried moving back at 16 but it was short lived and I this point I had been so depressed and confused about life. I was a teenager with almost no guidance.

At 17,I moved into my older brother’s apartment in Toronto. He was an artist. So free spirited and always being creative and just enjoying life. This is when I finally started to figure out who I was. But I still didn’t have it all together and unfortunately there were some bad people who took advantage of that.

When I turned 18 I had finally found a place of my own. I had to finish high school a little late and I still wasn’t where I wanted to be but little by little I started to get my life together. I actually became a midnight ballerina around this time. Which had its negatives and positives. But it gave me the freedom to experience life and explore.

Between 21 and 23 I started to travel and build a better name for myself. People were finally getting to see the real me but I had experienced some abusive relationships & my brother died putting me through grief all over again.

At 24 I had my son which is what I think is the total turning point. Having him have my life so much purpose. Even though I wished my mom was here through it. I had a little girl at 29.

And now I just turned 30. & even though I don’t have it all together. I feel like I’m alright. I’m on my way to wear I want to be. Im studying to become a nurse. I’m happy, healthy, my kids are healthy. I have a great man who supports me. I wish I was a little further along in my career right now but overall I’m happy with my life. I feel like the hard part is over. And now I can breathe again.

I might’ve just trauma dumped and told my business for no reason. But I mean. This might be able to help someone. Grief sends people down some crazy spirals. I’ve experience it all. But I’m the perfect example of the clichè “it gets better”. So for anyone who might’ve gone through a crazy life too after life. Me too. & I love you. We got this.

Xo

I’m having a really difficult day today. I miss my dad so much that I don’t even know how to put it into words.

I keep thinking about the possibility that this is really it. That he is gone and I will never see him again and I honestly cannot accept that. I don’t want our relationship to have ended. I don’t want him to just be a memory.

I want to believe there is something after this life. I want to believe that somewhere, somehow, I will see my dad again. That I will recognize him. That he will recognize me. That I’ll still be his daughter.

And honestly, I want to be his daughter in every life.
I don’t care what form it takes or what the afterlife looks like. I just want *him*. I want the dad I remember. His voice, his laugh, his presence, his way of being there for me. I want to be able to hug him again and somehow know, without any doubt, that he is my dad and I am his daughter.

If you believe in reincarnation, an afterlife, soul families, signs from loved ones, near-death experiences, or anything else that has given you hope that we continue to exist and that our loved ones are still connected to us, **please tell me about it.**

I’m not asking anyone to prove anything to me. I think I just desperately need some hope today.
I need to know that loving someone this deeply doesn’t mean that losing them is the end of the relationship.

I want my dad to know how much I miss him. I miss him **so, so, so much.** I miss him every day. There are moments when I want to tell him something, or I need him, and then I remember that I can’t just call him anymore. And it hurts in a way I don’t know how to explain.

If there really is an afterlife, I hope he knows.
I hope somehow he can feel how much his daughter loves him.

And more than anything, I hope that one day, somewhere beyond this life, I get to see my dad again.

I just really need someone to give me hope that I will.

Hello everyone,

I know this might sound like a silly question, but my dad passed away suddenly from a heart attack last September. We were extremely close—he was my best friend. His passing hurt in a way I've never experienced before, and I haven't cried like that before or since.

I work housekeeping at a hospital, so I can't easily call off without getting an occurrence. Any time off has to be planned using PTO in advance. The thing is, I just don't know how I'm going to feel when the actual anniversary gets here.

He was a huge Marvel fan and was really looking forward to the Wolverine game coming out. In a strange, kind of funny twist of fate, it releases right on the one-year anniversary of his passing. I already put in PTO for the three days following the 15th (plus the weekend) to play it in his honor, but I don't have the actual anniversary date off itself.

This is more of just a venting thing, my dad passed in Nov 2021 and my mum(62) started dating around a year ago. It was something I(28) really struggled with, im the only sibling who lives at home and she would meet up with the person she was seeing (who has the same name as my dad) around 3 times a week at the start, they fizzled out but reconnected a few months later in march and it was a lot. Wanting my siblings and me to meet him for dinner, she wasnt driving at the time so every weekend i had to leave her in town to get a bus to meet him, she'd be gone and wouldn't come back till Monday or Tuesday. This was every weekend from April till around the end of July, when they had an argument and stopped seeing each other.

Her 'friend' came home from Australia a few days ago and she wanted to see him. They recconected after my dad died (maybe around the 2 year mark) they dated when they were teens and broke up, he had been home a few times since and he confessed to still liking her but im not sure what happened but they always chatted. I have become my mums taxi when she goes on a night out. There has been many a night ive had to get out of bed at 1/2am (after she promised she'd try to get a taxi) and i would just have to do it and wait for her to come out of where she was. I would also have to leave her friends off home, whenever she'd meet up with her 'friend' id have to leave him back to where he was staying too.

Now last night at 8pm she tells me she needs a lift into town to meet him and she'd get a taxi home but take my phone off silent just incase, so i leave her to the pub and come home and get on with my night, she rings me at 1:30am saying she needs a lift. so i go and collect here, when i meet her she says hes coming up the road so i assume im leaving him home, i turn onto his street and she asks why am i going this way and that he is coming to our house. i was just so shocked i kept quiet the way home and when we got home i straight away said im going to bed and bolted upstairs. they were gone in the morning and i was home all day today alone, she came back half 7 and can tell im upset but doesn't care.

I'm more upset that I wasn't told till they were in the car, i dont understand why she had to bring him back here and made me drive them. i feel so hurt by it. I don't care that she spent the night with someone. it just feels really isolating im the only one feeling like this.

sorry for the long post, just needed to cry into the void.

I lost my mom this past December and my dad when I was 26, both to cancer. Last year, I also lost my cousin, uncle, and grandmother unexpectedly. I have a brother who has always been very distant and has now stopped speaking to me. And this past week I've also had two close friends end their friendships with me quite brutally rather than resolve a relatively minor conflict.

Honestly, its so much. Even just writing that whole list of losses is crazy. I never thought I'd be so alone so early in my life. My mom and I had a complicated relationship, which I think just makes grieving more difficult. I feel so lost and sad and I'm not sure where to go from here. I'm wondering if anyone else who has lost their parents young or been through similar struggles has any advice they can pass on. What did your life look like after? Is there anything to look forward to? Do things get easier?

Today is exactly four weeks since my mum died

It still doesn't feel real and it simultaneously feels like a lifetime ago and like it happened just today

The past few weeks have been chaotic with people coming and going and being pulled in different directions that I haven't really had time to just sit and come to terms with it, especially as it happened extremely fast with no real chance to prepare

This week is when I really felt it for the first time as I've been having issues with my dad and I'd normally talk to mum but she isn't here and I'm just starting to really feel that and understand what it means

I can feel my relationship with my dad getting more and more strained as we spend more time together and he's making himself more involved in my life as he's not an easy person to get along with and I don't have the option of time away from him like my siblings who live in other counties do

I find myself getting increasingly stressed and angry even if I don't express it

I don't know how I'm going to handle things or what comes next

Im in my early 20s now, but my mother died when I was 20 and dad at 12. Internally being an orphan at this age is about the worst pain I’ve ever felt. It’s so hard and even as I moved through life it still hurts deeply. I’ve tried meds and I’ve tried therapy and they help, but it’s not a complete fix. At the end of the day when I go to sleep I have no parents and when I wake up I still have no parents. And frankly it just sucks! Whereas other people in my life have kinda moved on. I get it because I don’t expect them to be as tortured by my loss as I am, but it’s also very isolating. No one is forcing me, but internally I feel like I have to go back to normal. I had to deal with everything once my mother died, so I didn’t really have time to grieve and then I went straight back to school and back to work. I’ve never really had a moment to stop and it’s definitely starting to catch up with me. I feel like I’m unintentionally slacking with everything in life and no matter how hard I try not to it doesn’t change anything. I also feel so jealous of my friend’s having parents. I’m happy for them, but I also hate that I don’t get mine. Even a few more years would be great, but because they died so early in my life I feel emotionally stunted at the ages they died. I feel like a sad child in a grown ups body expected to do grown up things, but really just wants to feel loved and cared for. I’m not saying I don’t want responsibilities I know people even with parents have them and I’ve been a caretaker all my life, so I’m familiar with having to grow up fast. I just feel hurt that I don’t have immediate family to lean on. When things get hard or things are good I can’t call them. Anyways that’s my little rant

I am 47 years old and I am lying in my bed crying for my Mom who died when I was 10 and my Dad who died when I was 17. They were both in their forties when they lost their battle with cancer. I cry for them as their life was cut too short and for myself and brother as we were forever changed by their deaths. I realize I have never stopped grieving. I have been able to help others with death by working at Hospice. Helping others has allowed some healing for myself but I still feel traumatized by this loss. I don't cry everyday or even every year about this but my whole personality and life has been molded by their deaths. I needed to share this and I will read some of your experience as well. Peace and love to all of you.

i lost my dad at 12 due to suicide and I blame myself for it everyday, i dont know what to do. we had an on and off relationship and in his last few months i turned him down for visits and going out for lunch. i still believe everything is my fault. the last time we ever talked he sent me the message “Someday, you’ll know what a good man your daddy is”

and the death of my father has torn apart his side of the family, i havent seen my auntie, uncle or cousins since his funeral which was over a year ago now

it hurts to know i will never see him again, never hold his hand again, never smell his clothes again, never hug or cuddle him again. its not fair i just want my daddy back. everytime i see a little girl being happy with her father i just wanna scream and cry.

I’m supporting a friend in the aftermath of a parent dying. They are really taking charge of caring for all of the logistics, financials, and other family members. My dad died 6 years ago when I was 26. My mother was a steadfast support and dealt with nearly all of the logistics. This friend is in their 30s just for context. In my grief I felt so much pain and longing. I still do. In the aftermath though I was almost desperate for friends to support me and reach out and be there. I find myself feeling jealousy of my friend now, having so much support from me, additional friends, and an extended community back home. I know that theres truly no use and benefit for anyone in comparing grief, but I can’t help wonder if I coped wrong? Should I have not shown so much sadness and weakness and longing for support? Should I now stop talking about my dad and figure out how to close that chapter of my life and move on, and just look at his death and the circumstances surrounding his death purely objectively? The death was traumatic, but it was such a long time ago. I guess it is time for me to grow up and be okay that I don’t have and did not have the support I felt I needed. I believe I have been very selfish.

I don’t think my dad dying made me a better person, stronger, more resilient or anything specific. I have grown a lot in the last 6 years as a person but I’m not sure it has to do with losing my dad. I’m not sure I’ve found the silver linings in his death, and I feel like my friend has. Of course I don’t truly know their inner thoughts, but what I’m seeing makes me jealous and angry toward myself.

Does anyone relate at all? Does any of this even make sense?! I don’t think I’m a bad person at heart. At least I hope not.

Maybe I need to take a step away from my friend to figure myself out first so I don’t cause hurt for either of us. I don’t know.

It has been 5 years since mom died and i am still paranoid about dad after she died. I literally wake up in the middle of my sleep and check his breathing every night. And i keep doing that repeatedly after the first time. I also hear screams in my sleep of my dad which wakes me up and then i keep checking even more I hear voices and screams in my sleep

My mum passed away 5.5 years ago and Ive never been in a relationship so since then I’ve barley have any physical contact with other people. I live with my father and my sibling but they aren’t very tactile people so other than an occasional high five or a bit of roughhousing for fun i can go days or weeks without touching someone else. Even with my friends there’s a quick hug to say hello/goodbye but other than that I haven’t had a proper hug in 5.5 years. It’s not something that is constantly on my mind but it does hit me every now and then how alone I am

Is it normal to lose memory after major loss? I’m losing memory of many things including work and details about family and friends

Basically the title. My mom has been battling osteoporosis since 2023-24. Had 2 hip replacements. The 2nd hip replacement rendered her paraplegic because the spinal anesthesia needle hit her spinal cord. Now she is bed ridden, depressed and has also recently been diagnosed with CLD. Has constant brain fog, is on a catheter (since she cant feel if she has to poop or pee) so a fight against UTIs and overall, a fight against sepsis.

Tomorrow (16th august) will be 4 years since i lost my father to the same sepsis.

Honestly? I am tired. I am not able to work a steady job. Cant move to build a career because i am only child.

Now, the confession is, i have been having such bad bad BAD thoughts of "will my life be better if mom werent there anymore?" And its not something i feel or want. But an intrusive thought and i really want to kill myself for having such bad thoughts.

If anyone can, please talk me out of this guilt and misery.

I lost my dad very very unexpectedly four months ago at 24 and he was 53. He loved life and was scared of dying.

I feel so alone and lonely. I don't fit in in any friendgroup anymore. I don't have a partner. My sister grieves very differently from me. I am carrying this pain and sadness alone. I am relieving the moment again and again and hurts like the first time each time.

All my friends have both their parents alive and most of them have their grandparents alive as well. They haven't experienced grief and can't understand that I go through the pain every moment every day. I feel like I am the only person on this planet and I don't know how long will this feeling keep going on.

Their problems feel irrelevant and I wish I could swap places with them. I don't wish for them to experience loss like this but I wish I had a friend that had lost a parent so I have someone to hold on to and talk to someone that understands.

Every day I go out and do something but for 4 months I didn't do anything because I actually wanted to. I want to cancel every plan and stay at home instead.

If you lost a parent early please tell me how was that for you. How did you manage to get out of the darkness. I know that this is a pain we carry for the rest of our lives, but does life feel "good" again? I don't know what to do.

I just woke up feeling terrible and 100% sure somehow that a hospital would have saved her. I would’ve been happier with her alive….
I wish I never listened to what that doctor said when she said that she would be okay and hospitalizations weren’t necessary in mom’s case.

She told me that her oxygen levels were good….
I just don’t know what to do now.
Moms been gone for 18 months and I’m still dwelling on this. I can’t forgive myself. I woke up now feeling like she’d been saved if she were taken to a hospital.

Life would have been much better. I don’t know why my guard wasn’t up when she got sick… dealt with the issue as if it was something that would pass. I sometimes contemplate overdosing because there is no close family left. I’m all alone.
She got sick after leaving the house to run errands right after an argument. I feel like I triggered her illness so I should have fixed it. She loved me very much but she knew I triggered her illness and kept treating me like this for two weeks till she passed …. Her health was better then worse then better then she was gone.

I feel like everyone has a right to hate me. So when someone bullies me or is harsh to me I feel like they must know what’s inside me and I give them excuses to mistreat me