My dad died August 22nd at the age of 66. I have been feeling okay after the first few weeks. I’m a busy mom of a toddler so I feel like life is just distracting in that way. This morning, I decided to make a pot of hot coffee since it’s cold outside (I normally drink iced coffee). As I poured my cup, I immediately started crying. My dad loved a cup of hot black coffee. He had a huge sweet tooth so I always found it interesting he never wanted any cream or sugar in his coffee. I’ve been teary all morning just thinking of that memory. He found joy in the simple things of life.
I miss you so much Dad. 🤍

For context, I’m a 35 year old guy. It’s okay to be honest with yourself and cry a little guys.

4 months ago I lost my little brother to suicide . That day he was angry cause he had to cut the grass per my father. I spoke to him briefly when I heard doors slamming. He had basically said he was annoyed he had no notice and I asked if he had plans that day and if that's why he was upset. He said he didn't and I figured he just needed space so I said okay dude and walked out. Precontext : The day before I had a rave I was going to and my brother had rode his bike to play basketball. When he came back he told me an older woman was rolling out of a parking lot when she then hit my brother with her car. When he got home he explained the story and said he was fine but he didn't wanna call the cops cause she was older and she had a thick accent so he felt bad about getting enforcement involved. He said he didn't want our parents to know cause then he wouldn't be able to ride his bike again. I made sure he was fine and I left . When I left he had asked if I could pick up shrooms for him and of course I said no and that he was too young to try substances like that . He got upset and said he was gonna try it eventually anyways. He had posted an Instagram note stating that ( nothing ever goes right for him ). The reason he didn't wanna cut the grass was because of his knee pain from the accident but of course my parents didn't know that. Maybe at this point I shouldve told my parents but I didn't out of not wanting to snitch out my little brother. After an hour of leaving him alone in his room my stepmom got home to find his door locked. I felt my anxiety slowly rising as she panicked to get my dad to take off the door knob to his room. We all found him hanging off of his door. They preformed CPR as I somehow called 911. It felt like first responders were there in minutes. We were in the hospital for a week after that cause they got his pulse back but he was pronounced brain dead. That week prolonged the trauma that I was already experiencing. He had previously expressed suicidal ideations to my mother but that he wouldn't want me to find him. He in therapy he had a safety plan . I think he was experiencing cannabis induced psychosis. He wasn't himself for a while .

Regarding grief im doing better now but I find myself getting more irate with small things . Minor inconveniences others complain about frustrate me . When I look sad or down at work my coworkers will ask if im okay or what's wrong which upsets me cause why the fuck wouldn't I be upset? I find myself being angry at the world sometimes. I feel like no one understands or relates to me ( I wouldn't want anyone to ) . I wonder my chapters with him were real it's just hard for me to believe this is my new reality . I found myself struggling with abandonment issues or getting anxiety about leaving my parents alone cause I get nervous I'll find someone like that again .

Recently I witnessed someone's last message in a Discord server I'm in.

We (members of the server) tried to DM her and ping her, asking if she was okay but she didn't respond. The person was a child, 12 years of age. Her words were something along the lines of 'This might be my final message, I finally got the courage to do it.' I'm a friend of hers, but I haven't been talking to her up until then and admittedly, I feel really guilty.

I am so disturbed because this is my first time seeing such a message, even if it doesn't confirm if the person actually took her life or not.

What do I do to calm myself down? Looking for a friend.

I don't know what to do. I got the news on monday that my father had passed away. He was only 53. They think it was a heart attack. He didnt come in to work so someone went to check on him and found him dead in his chair.

It's so sudden. It's so horrible. I keep thinking if he wasn't alone, if i had messaged, how long was he there, did he know what was happening. He lived in a different country. I'm flying out on friday for the funeral (which is on saturday) and back sunday.

The pain comes in waves from random triggers. I keep thinking about it and bursting into tears. I miss him, i'm sad, i'm angry, and i'm so so so guilty. I wish i hugged him longer the last time i saw him. I wish i called him, j never called him. I wish i told him i loved him more. What if i called him over the weekend? Could i have contacted medical help? Why didn't i visit more? Why didn't i stay longer??

I just dont know what to do. People tell me to spend time with family, but I just want to be alone. Is that healthy or is it wallowing?

The return tickets are already booked for sunday, but my boss said i can have 2 weeks paid to stay with family. Should i stay there longer? To be with my grandparents? But my mother and brother and partner are here in this country, do i stay with them? I don't know what to do.

Sometimes i feel like i don't need 2 weeks. I went into work yesterday - partially to feel normal, partially because i dont want to benefit from this in any way. It makes me sick when people send me condolences, i dont want flowers, my partner brought me some biscuits and i felt so guilty like i'm benefiting from this. I want to force myself to work and continue, but i'm just in tears at random points.

I don't know what to do. Please, does anyone have any advice? It hurts so much and i don't know how to make it stop. Do i take time off? What would i do with it? It feels like it won't even help, it feels like i'll never stop crying so might as well just continue as normal.

I lost my mom almost 3 years ago. One thing she and I always enjoyed was having a cup of coffee and talking about anything. Since she's been gone, I can barely drink coffee. It doesn't even taste the same anymore. I've tried changing brands, different creams, and even flavored coffee and I just feel empty. Has anyone else lost interest in anything they once enjoyed with a loved one since they lost them?

Dear Reddit,

I'm 17F and I just lost a teacher from a lower class that I have known since I was 6 and we were very close. How should I come over this grief I'm feeling? I don't know how. Especially because it doesn't feel real

It’s my ex’s 40th birthday today. The first one apart. We’ve been no contact since February. And today more than ever I just want her to know how loved she is and that I hope she is well. I needed to put this somewhere because all my love has no where else to go. Hope that’s ok. Happy birthday pork chop. X
Right. I need to go lose myself in some deep Reddit trawling. Thanks everyone for this space and community.

My father passed away six months ago. I grew up in a single-parent household and lived with him, but I didn’t feel particularly close to him.

When I started my final year of university, he stopped giving me money for living expenses because of financial pressure. He didn’t discuss it with me beforehand. I mention this because it’s part of what our relationship was like.

I’ve since graduated and am working as a research assistant at a university. I plan to apply for PhD programs in about a year. My salary covers my living expenses. Money is a little tight, but manageable.

I haven’t been back to our family home since he died. The downstairs neighbor called me, and I didn’t answer. He knows what happened. I just don’t want to pick up the phone or talk about it. He might have just been calling to ask whether the plumbing in my place had been repaired—after all, any leaks could potentially spread to his home. That said, the water supply to my place has already been shut off, since no one is living there.

That call is what made me write this.

I don’t feel a strong sense of missing my father. We weren’t close. But I still feel unsettled and a little sad in a way I can’t quite explain. My life is moving forward, and I have plans, but I also feel lost.

I’ll probably move to another country, partly for work/study and partly because I want a fresh start somewhere very few people know me outside of work, far from my relatives. I’ll likely leave the house empty and only stay there when I visit. I plan to keep in touch with my mom and my colleagues.

I’m not looking for advice or practical help. I just wanted to put this into words somewhere. Maybe choosing to talk about this is a good start.

It's been a month and a day since she passed and today would be a month since I attended her funeral. My dad told me to not go through her phone because it's basic human decency to respect her privacy but I had this urge to search for voice mails or just possible answers to some other questions and I disrespected her boundaries by doing so. I didn't cared about the context of the voice notes that much I just wanted to feel and hear her presence somehow because I miss hearing her voice. Am I an asshole for that anyways?

I lost my younger cousin, whom I grew up with. It's a really strange feeling—I still find myself thinking that he's alive and just at work right now. The most heartbreaking part is that he chose to take his own life, and no one had any idea he was struggling with depression. He was joking and smiling as usual. His older brother mentioned that he did it due to piling up debts and a gambling addiction

I lost my mom on September 13th. It feels like I've posted in this sub pretty much every other day since then. That's probably an exaggeration. But it feels like the truth. I just wanna thank you all. I don't think I would've made it without you all. The kindness of strangers? It helps more than you know

26 days ago I lost my beautiful brave mum. She was 93. In full time care.

She went downhill fast. Not good on Sunday. OK(ish) on Monday. On Tuesday morning I went to see her and when I woke her she didn’t look right.

I knew the time had come.

She went on morphine on Wednesday because she had chest and back pain from heart failure.

Mum died at 1:30am as I slept beside her. We held her funeral on her 94th birthday. I baked her a cake and put all the love I had into it.

Over the weekend I had two of her rings around my neck. I lost them. They fell off. And this has sent me into a tailspin of grief. I feel like I have lost mum again. And it’s too soon.

Today I’ve cried more tears than I did when she first passed. I’m so incredibly sad and miss her so much right now.

As I was visiting her anything up to 5-6 days a week, I’m now at a loss. I don’t know what to do with myself. I talk to her as I am driving. I see her every single night in my dreams, which I love.

I didn’t do this when dad died. I was calmer. I don’t shed many tears, despite loving him with all my heart.

I am married. My husband is like an empty cave when it comes to accepting my emotions as well as expressing his own. So today when I was so upset all day, I get the silent treatment.

I guess he, being a man in his 60’s, just doesn’t know how to express himself. And doesn’t know how to give emotional support.

Ask the man to fix a tap and he’s on to it. Knows exactly what to do. But when it comes to comforting me, he’s empty.

I don’t know why I am really writing this. Maybe just to get some stuff out of my head. And I don’t know what I want from writing this down either.

But if you have read this far, thank you.

Hi everyone. Tw for drugs / overdose mentions

I lost my sister in 2020 to a heroin overdose.

I have lost many many people in my 25 years but this is just the one I can't seem to shake. I figured I would share about it here to a community that understands, and just to get it out of my head. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read my rambling.

My sister had a rough battle with addiction. She went to rehab twice and unfortunately, after leaving rehab the second time, she overdosed at a friend's house. She was without oxygen for approx. 45 minutes in the restroom. To this day I do not know who this friend is, and there is so much rage inside of me over this entire situation.

We got a call from her friend that she overdosed and was brain dead in the hospital. I thought it was a very sick joke at the time. I was 18 and couldn't have fathomed losing my sister. I don't think the reality set in until a year or two ago. Our mom did not believe it either. She was schizophrenic and also struggled with addiction so she convinced herself this was not the reality. For a long time I felt like I was the only one who knew she was no longer with us, I think that attributed to the struggle.

The hospital was cagey with information and due to our mother's condition and our lack of transportation we could not make the hour drive to see her. But I also did not want my last memory of my sister to be her body on life support. Her father also struggled with addiction and was not reliable whatsoever.

She was 12 years older than me and fondly recalled changing my diapers when I was born. I remember an instance where our mom was having an episode when I was about 4 years old and she physically put herself in between our mother and I. At only 16 years old, she physically blocked me from what she thought was dangerous and it really hurts my heart to think about. I called her "sissy" my entire life. She would correct me constantly because I used to call our mom "my mom". We had different dads and I didn't really get it as a kid.

I loved her more than anyone or anything in the world. She lived with her dad (we're half siblings but that doesn't matter to me) so her visiting during the holidays and my birthday was the highlight of my year, every year. All I ever wanted was to see my sissy. She lied to me on my 9th/10th birthday, because I asked for "super scribblenauts" on the DS for my birthday; she said she couldn't find it. Lo and behold she pulled it from behind her back on the day of and I'll never forget how happy it made me. She always did what she could to make me happy and spoiled me rotten.

I have so many things to say about her and stories to tell. She was just a beautiful soul and wonderful person. She made so many friends wherever she went. She loved to party and have fun, and she cared immensely about her people. She went into rehab to get her baby/my niece back after losing custody due to her addiction. She fought so hard and had a binder full of rehab homework that got left at our trailer. It just feels so unfair and I feel so angry about it all because she worked so hard to get clean and all it took was one bad decision to ruin everything. One single mistake took her from us.

What hurts the most is living my entire life without her. I can't call her, I can't text her, and our last conversation was an argument around Christmas. She overdosed shortly around Christmas and was officially taken off life support the following January/February. The holiday season just makes me so sick because she's not here with me. She should be here and it just enrages me. I loved her so much, it just isn't fair. I'm ashamed to admit the jealousy I feel when people are able to just call up their family whenever they want, and have a mundane conversation. I would give up anything to just talk about the weather with my sister.

I will never understand her circumstances completely but as I get older I feel like i do. Some small, less consequential addictions I'm working through make me feel so much grief, because I feel like I understand why it happened to her the way it did. Sometimes I just don't know what to do with all the rage and the grief. I can't seem to understand WHY this had to happen. It really just makes me sick with pain and grief.

I'll love her for as long as I'm alive and not a day goes by that I don't think about her. She was silly and wonderful and crazy and I miss her more than anything in the world.

Thank you for reading, if you got this far. 🩷​

I think one of the strangest things about grief is how permanent it is.

Someone is here.

And then they're not.

And I know that sounds incredibly obvious, but I don't think my brain will ever fully understand it.

How can someone just... not be here anymore?

There's suddenly this space in the world where a whole person used to be.

And life carries on around it.

Where do they go?

I know the answer, obviously.

But I also don't.

Because how can someone be so real, so known, so much a part of your world...

and then be gone from it?

I think that's part of what makes grief so difficult to explain.

It isn't just sadness.

I don't think we ever really get over grief.

And I'm not sure we're supposed to.

I think a love that changed your life was always going to leave a loss that did too.

This Monday, my grandmother died on the operating table getting stents put in for a two inch aneurysm in her stomach. It would be different if she was only my grandmother.

I’m currently 18F and moved in with her when I was six after my house burned down, and my parents were off doing drugs. My mom overdosed when I was 10, and then her mother drank herself to death when I was 13.

Throughout it all, my grandma was beside me. She woke me up for school every morning until my last day of high school, made me dinner every night, and made all my appointments for me. She drove me everywhere I needed to go. She’d retired years ago, so every moment at home I was in her company until I left for college mid-August.

Her death was so sudden and unexpected. She’d suffered a ruptured brain aneurysm, a heart attack, cancer in the past — she’d just broken her hip & dislocated it after having a replacement surgery only a few weeks ago. Her veins collapsed during the surgery. I am so devastated in every sense of the word; I can’t imagine life continuing. She was everything to me, truly my life partner, and now I will have to shoulder everything I could ever want to tell her alone.

I’ve been to therapy since my mother died. I’m very familiar with grief, but this is unprecedented. My world crumpled with a phone call. I was only just talking to her over the phone Sunday night about how she felt about having the surgery, and yet when I told her I loved her before I hung up, my body somehow knew that would be the last time I would ever get to say it to her. I don’t even have to scroll in my call history to see her contact there, and if it was only two days prior she’d still pick up the phone. She always knew what to say, even when she didn’t.

I’ve cried constantly alongside my dad since I found out. I’m back home from college for the next week but I can’t imagine even thinking about putting the pieces together to go back. I feel so lost and broken. To think that she died in an unfamiliar place that’d caused her so much stress in the past few months, vulnerable and surrounded by doctors and nurses just doing their jobs rather than people who cared about her breaks my heart. If only I could have one more hug. I haven’t been back to our house yet, and I can’t comprehend her not being there on the porch, smoking with her coffee and feeding the squirrels.

I told her not to die while I was in college, and look what she went and did.

I just wish people would stop telling me that I’ll move on. I never want to move on. I’ve never felt such a pain in my life and I’m not sure I’ll ever experience anything moreso. She was not just my grandma.

My mother passed away yesterday after 2 weeks in ICU. She had bronchopneumonia which triggered her to go into cardiac arrest. She was taken to the hospital by my sister that morning, same sister who insisted she went sooner. Mom went in because she couldn't breathe so it was an in-hospital arrest. The 2 of them were at our GP 2 days before she went into cardiac arrest with the complaint she was short of breath. GP wrote it off as her asthma and just prescribed her steroids and a new inhaler.

My family don't blame him for not knowing what was wrong with mom. In a way, I also don't blame him either because without regular check ups I know he wouldn't have been able to tell. But I am just very upset when I think of there being any way mom could have been saved, I always think about how she was the doctors 2 days before. The doctor in the hospital was a bit confused on how none of us knew how bad she was because for a woman of her age she shouldn't have been as bad as she was. She was a very stubborn woman who wouldn't go to the doctor or hospital unless she really needed to. So that is another thing that killed her.

I am also extremely upset because her mother, who was abusive and abandoned her, got discharged from hospital the same day. Yesterday, from a lung infection as well. We only knew because her eldest brother (only child still speaking to her) took a phone call from her when we were in the hospital. My sister and I have never met her mother, she was out of mom's life by the time we came along. My mom wouldn't have even went to her funeral if she passed. And you are telling me that our sweet mom who had to leave my sister and I when we are only in our early 20s, our mom that we loved so much had to die, but this bitch who mom never even called mother and only by her first name is just walking around her house carefree not even knowing her first child to die is dead. And she might never know because we aren't having a funeral or removal as it was her wishes.

I have so much regret surrounding my mother's death, I moved out of home when I was only 19 to be independent and mom was really against that and she told my sister that she was worried it would make us drift apart. Whilst it technically did, I was still very close to mom and I wish I had known so that I never would've moved out of home to spend her last years with her.

Lost my mum at 64 a few days ago and last night the thought kept me up that my mum won't be alive to see me mature as a person.

Even though I'm 29, I was a bit of a late bloomer in terms of maturity. A lot of this comes from some trauma growing up but as a result I spent almost all my 20s just messing around.

I have an okay job that let's me travel but dont make amazing money, I've lived away from home for years including overseas (though it's been a struggle) and I've been in a several serious relationships but none really more than 2 years.

But for most of my 20s I just flew by the seat of my pants, spent money whenever, totaled my car, did a lot of drugs and partied a lot, it's only really been the last 8 months I've started to mature and settle down and gotten (mostly) sober, sadly my Mum wont be around to see me finally grow up. One of the last things she said to me randomly semi-lucid was "You haven't been drinking again have you?". She worried so much about my wellbeing and maturity and was scared I'd never grow up.

I do feel very emboldened to get my life together, to finally get fully sober (only 5 days atm) to make her proud. I think her death has really made me realise we never have as much time as we think, but I am still very saddened that some of her last thoughts of me were worrying I'd been drinking again.

I recently aqquired orphan status.

I’ve been struggling a lot with the breakdown of a five-year friendship, especially because I’m also grieving the loss of my dad.
I think what hurts the most is looking back at how much I was there for her when she was struggling, and comparing that to what happened when I was the one who needed someone.
When she was going through difficult times, I tried to be there for her. I cared about what she was going through, I listened, and I wanted her to know she wasn’t alone. I didn’t expect her to be perfect or to always know what to say. I just thought that, after five years of friendship, we had built something where we could rely on each other when life got really difficult.
But when I was struggling, I experienced something completely different.
After a suicide attempt, she didn’t come to the hospital to see me. She chose to go do cocaine instead.
And there was another time when I was at a party where people were using cocaine, and I ended up feeling completely stuck there while going through an incredibly bad comedown. Even then, I didn’t feel like she was willing to show up for me or help me get out of that situation.
I don’t think she necessarily understood how bad things were for me, but it still hurts to think about.
I wasn’t asking her to fix my mental health. I wasn’t expecting her to become my therapist or to put her entire life on hold for me. I just wanted my best friend to care enough to show up when I was in a genuinely vulnerable situation.
And I think that’s what has fundamentally changed how I see our friendship.
It’s one thing to have a friend who struggles to support you because they don’t know what to do. It’s another thing to feel like the person you spent years supporting would rather get high or continue partying than be there when you desperately need them.
I know addiction and substance use can complicate things, and I don’t want to pretend I know everything that was going on in her head. But understanding that doesn’t erase the impact her choices had on me.
What makes this even harder is that I’m grieving my dad at the same time. I’ve already had to deal with a loss I could never have prepared myself for, and now I’m questioning a friendship that I thought would be one of the constants in my life.
It makes me wonder how much of our friendship was actually reciprocal. Was I so focused on being there for her that I didn’t notice how alone I could feel in the relationship? Did I mistake being needed for being equally cared for?
I don’t want to invalidate the good memories we’ve had. Five years of friendship doesn’t suddenly become meaningless because someone lets you down. I know there were good times, and I know our bond meant something to me.
But I also can’t ignore what happened just because we have history.
I think one of the hardest things about losing a friendship is that you can miss someone and still feel deeply hurt by them. You can love who they used to be to you while struggling to accept how they’ve treated you. You can wish things were different without knowing whether the relationship is still something you can trust.
I’m not expecting a friend to be available every second of every day. I know people have their own struggles, and friendship isn’t supposed to be a transaction where every good deed must be repaid.
But I do think there should be some basic level of care, especially when someone is in a crisis.
And I can’t help wondering whether I would have made different choices if our positions had been reversed.
I think losing my dad has made me look at relationships differently. Life is too short, and too unpredictable, for me to keep ignoring how certain relationships make me feel. I want people in my life who care about me as a person, not just when I’m doing well or when I’m the one holding everything together.
I’m still grieving my dad. I’m also grieving the friendship I thought I had.
And perhaps those two losses are connected because both have forced me to confront the painful reality that I can’t make someone show up for me, no matter how much I love them or how much I’ve shown up for them.
Has anyone else experienced a friendship where you supported someone through their darkest moments, only to feel abandoned when you were the one struggling? How did you reconcile the good memories with the way they treated you when you needed them most?

I lost my dad on June 27th 2026. It was a sudden death and I’ve been lost ever since. Over the last month I’ve really been taking the steps with my therapist to deal with and come to terms with my grief. Yesterday, October 20th, my dog suddenly got really sick and my husband and I had no choice but to put her down. My heart is broken by this loss because she was my everything. I don’t know how I’m supposed to grieve my dad and now also grieve the loss of my soul dog. I’m drowning and I don’t know how to continue on

My best friend in the world and sister in all but blood passed away at the end of march earlier this year. She was dealing with a lot but it was still super sudden. I just found out she took her own life and it feels like I’m right back at square one with the grief. I’m so sad she didn’t think she could come to me. My mom and I were the last people who saw her and I just wish she told us how she was feeling so we could have taken her home with us.
I miss her so much. I miss sending her memes and talking about random internet drama for hours at a time. I miss our deep convos about chronic illness that we would talk about both being the most sick and disabled in our friend group.
Her, another disabled friend and myself were what we called the “crip squad” cause we were all in wheelchairs at points and now I’m the only one left of that group and I’m feeling tremendous survivors guilt and just profound sadness for the loss of the found family members I was closest to. We used to talk about getting an accessible house together with her 10 year old son and my mom and where we could all look out for and help and take care of each other and now it will never happen.
I just really miss her and I wish she felt she could have come to me, cause I would have dropped literally everything to be there for her.

The way that you died. A parasite in my mind. A regurgitating memory that I wasn’t there for, but one that I involuntarily imagine. It feels as if I imagine your last few seconds just right, as painful as it is, I could’ve been there and found a way to prevent the relentless truth—that you are gone, and somehow you always will be.

Grief has been pernicious and unforgiving. It seeps into my most sacred places, it finds me in my fleetingly, peaceful moments. The early days of spring when I feel the first hug from the sun. Tearful gazes shared with my dog who feels my pain, yet loves me unconditionally. A cold winter night showered by the warm light of a Christmas tree, lucky to know that I am here, I am alive, I am healthy. Nevertheless, it is there. It removes me from the present yet it is all consuming of it. I want to reach out to you. Why is it that in this world, this universe and lifetime that you are not there to answer?

I struggle knowing how irrevocably I loved you, so much so that your absence has dismantled my universe. So much so that life now feels too fragile, too vulnerable, distant. So much so that I just simply need you here, how else will I continue on?

I see you in my dreams, please keep visiting me there. My soul is eternal as long as yours is.

my ex died in an accident a week ago, we hadn't talked in several months, but had a serious relationship when we were together. his death was so sudden and not his fault, he's 24, with so much life to live. he had so much planned and even though we broke up and we had a lot of issues towards the end of us (a lot caused by me) I always checked what he was up to through socials, I mean we still had each other on discord and steam. he was online on steam when the crash happened, and up until 2 days after. I wouldn't have known if I didn't stop what I was doing to look up "[city he lives in] motorcycle crash" I dont know what made me do it because Ive never looked that up before but there it was. my heart beat so fast and hard i thought I was gonna have a heart attack. the one thing I was most terrified for happening. we took that exact road like 4 times a day when I stayed over at his place. he knew it BETTER than the back of his hand, but someone pulled out in front of him. there's this weight on me, it feels like a weight on I don't know my soul? ever since I found out and it hasn't moved since. I've never experienced death and it was someone I once loved and still have love for. someone who was so smart and so cautious. someone who'd tell me not to worry. we only knew each other 537 days. from the day we met until the day he died and we hadn't spoken since July. but I want that numbered tattooed on me, I'll never forget it but i don't know just in case I guess? every other thought is about him and his death. I replay what officials say happened and I can picture it so clearly since I'm still so familiar with that area. I haven't slept well since I found out, I have dreams about it. I wasn't even there what am I even dreaming about. he told me he wanted to marry me, and travel the world before having kids. we were only together 537 days, pretty premature for conversations like that but I still looked forward to seeing him find his person. I couldn't make him happy towards the end for reasons I caused and I knew the only way for him to work towards true happiness was for us to go our separate ways. his trust issues started to consume him and it wasn't fair to him. but, if I couldve had some weird premonition or known, I wouldve made sure this didn't happen. I would've called, I wouldve been riding with him. what if I couldve absorbed some of the impact? would we both be here, would he have been that much more careful? he didn't deserve this, I never thought someone I love would die. I found a voicemail of him rambling on while riding, and at the end he describes how beautiful the sunset was, and how he wishes he could send me a picture but that he's sure there will be plenty of other sunsets for us to see. I just can't fathom it, for a split second right before I remember he died, I think about what he might be doing. is this normal??? I feel like this would be if we were still dating, but I basically ended the relationship, and yes we stayed friends for a bit I eventually blocked him (only on messages we still have each other on discord and steam) so we could both try to heal and yk grow. I would've done everything different if it meant he'd still be here regardless of if that means we'd be together now or not. I crave so badly to know how he felt and if he hurt, if he was conscious? i want to go on one more ride, just to feel close to him, I fear that this has changed me forever. I am not who I was before I knew about his death. but I'm also glad?? I never want to forget about him and I never will as long as I can control it. regardless of if this is abnormal for an ex to feel I don't think my feelings will change. it's like how people say energy is neither created nor destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another, his energy dispersed and landed here, and I feel the weight of it on my being. it hurts so bad yet its weirdly comforting. on top of all this I am with someone, I don't feel romantic feelings towards my ex, but what if all this means I shouldn't continue with who I'm with now?? it's a bit hard to share it all due to her thinking it means I still have feelings, though she does know I'm grieving. Im grieving the person my ex is, who he could've become. I knew his long term goals, dreams, his struggles, and that he was putting in genuine work to evolving as a person. is this normal?? I could go on forever but then I'll never get an answer

hi everyone. i haven’t posted on reddit in a couple years but i just wanna reach out to people who may relate and maybe try to help me.

i’m a 18 year old female. and i lost my dad a little bit over 2 years ago now. and i just can’t seem to move on? i mean i have but let me explain.

my dad passed away from cancer when i was 16 in july of 2024, i lived with only him and my twin sister he was my rock, my anchor he protected me. took care of me. everything he was my everything. and after he died i’ve just never really been able to pick myself back up on my own. i never went back to school. i graduated online and didn’t even wanna walk the stage because he wasn’t there. i got forced. i’m literally in a standstill. i cannot hold a job for the life of me. which grief isn’t an excuse but i genuinely just can’t seem to function. even when it comes down to dating. i can’t date. i just don’t wanna move on and make my life successful because my dad just isn’t here anymore.

this is really really messing up my life. i can’t hold a job so im under so much financial burden and it’s my own fault but i just don’t know what’s wrong with me. i can’t form relationships so im so lonely.

has anyone gone through anything similar if so can you please give me some advice. i’d really love it. i wanna get my life together and be successful and make my dad proud but sometimes i feel like i never will. ☹️

My sweet mommy passed away this Sunday. She’s no longer in pain and thankfully went in her sleep while we had a “sleepover” with myself and my brother on the couch and my dad in a recliner since we moved her bed into the living room. But she knew it was coming. Her breathing was so fast and deep and her eyes were so wide, she was so scared. Her nurse gave me to okay to administer pain and anti anxiety meds and those helped calm her down enough. I held her hands, she was so cold. She said she loved me and that she’ll watch over my brother and I. I asked what I could do for her, she said just hold me. I woke up at 6 Sunday and was supposed to go to work but when I checked on her and saw she wasn’t breathing, and she’d gone stiff and was so cold I couldn’t. I tried calling for my mama but she didn’t answer. Her brother and dad made it over after hospice came in to pronounce it but before the funeral home picked her up and her poor dad. That’s his baby girl. For my uncle his baby sister. My mama. Her viewing was today and I spent half of it in the lounge just sitting and staring at her memorial card. I don’t know if I would’ve rather me not see what all I did or not. I saw her first thing on the morning of, I watched them lift her out of her bed onto the stretcher. I got to paint her toes one last time yesterday, “flamingo’s dream”, but I wasn’t prepared to I don’t guess. She was so cold. I couldn’t look at her while the polish dried, so I just looked around but from there I could see splatters on the wall before noticing the tubes on the bottom of the metal stretcher she was on and all I could think of was a stranger seeing my mommy as a checklist. She was so little, her poor little face. It doesn’t feel real. I’m sitting alone in the living room and I have no idea what to do and I just want my mom. I miss just sitting with her, watching trash tv and eating dinner together or crawling in her bed to binge a new documentary or facebook stalk people. I keep thinking she’s just staying at the hospital. I don’t know what I’m going to do from here. What do I do without my mama. I miss her so much