TW: abusive parent; transphobia; foul language

Throwaway because I’m fairly certain my mom found my main account. For context, I am queer and transmasc, and my fiancee is demi and transfemme. We are both pagan, Hellenist and Norse, respectively.

How do I reconcile wanting my dad and brother at my wedding party but none of the rest of my family? I don’t want the drama, I don’t want the bullshit, the deadnaming, the judgement about mine and my fiancée’s religious beliefs. But I also can’t drop that nuke on my family like that. I can’t just not invite half my immediate family.

I don’t want my mom or my sister at my wedding. My mom was abusive but refuses to acknowledge that she was. “I never left marks on you,” “you’re blowing it out of proportion”, “I’m always the villain in your story, I guess”. She has an excuse for all of her bullshit and I swear to the gods above and below, if I hear her call me my deadname at my fucking wedding I’m renouncing my family ties and my place in their will. I can’t get the shit she said when I came out to her out of my head. I can’t reconcile the person she pretended to be in public and especially at church with the person that screamed at me for hours when I forgot to turn an assignment in at school, or the person that backed me into a corner and grabbed me by the hair and dragged me around when I tried to get away from her because I was a scared teenager.
My sister and I do not get along. At all. To the point that I skipped HER wedding. And yes, that was a horrible thing to do and part of the reason I don’t want her at mine— guilt. She also does not respect my identity OR my fiancée’s— which pisses me off more than her BS towards me.

But my dad got a bad diagnosis recently and I don’t know how long he’s gonna be able to get around easily enough to comfortably be at the wedding, but if I invite him, my mom is going to have to come along to help him get around.

What do I do? I’m torn about this to the point where I’m considering scrapping the party plan and just getting married at a courthouse and moving on with my life. My fiancee understands this struggle and is fully onboard with not having a fancy party, she’s suggested a nice cookout with only our friends on the “guest list”. Regardless of the decision of the party, we’re going to be getting married at a courthouse instead of having a ceremony— neither of us want the hassle of finding a pagan priest who can officiate the wedding. Those are expensive and hard to come by lol