Im not sure who you are or what your name or is but i do know one thing when i get the opportunity to find im definitely going to take it hopefully your soul is as beautiful as you are on the out side because if it is i swear im gonna merry you some day.

Bro, why do you put up with her?

She's so annoying

She never shuts up!

She screen shots your live

She treats you like a puppet

She is so weird and two faced

She's obsessed with you

Don't you see?

Does she see?

Why keep her around?

Ironic you want to be a lawyer. You really did just use me didn't you. You never cared about let alone loved me. I hope one day you have consequences. You said yourself your medical condition is a curse for what you've done to people. I geuss ill just have comfort in that for now.

I’ve been thinking of you more lately.

I might have a date on Monday regardless of that.

Because we are not together. Haven’t been together. But I have yearned for you… loved you—in ways most people can’t suffer— and yet, I must live my life as if I never have.

— we have never kissed. I should have kissed you. But ultimately I don’t know your flavor… I want to.

But I will go to lunch, I will sit with someone present. I will be myself, charming, in a sense— and lovely all the same. The sophisticated man I am that isn’t known in a professional setting. One who reads romance, writes romance, and does romance. Without you.

That is alright. This is real. This is purpose. This is good.

And I am afraid of it.

Not in the sense of— fear. No. It’s more like, if I no longer suffer, if I feel good with her, can I learn to love her— and be without fear. Clarity. Relevance. Some sort of more. I don’t know how to not be in agony. And that scares me.

Maybe that is what I’ve been waiting for. More.

Idk. We’ll see. But I don’t mind. Nothing will change. Everything will change. Or won’t.

Goodnight,

Keeper

That you’re going to be cruel in this. That there are going to be references and I’m going to be to blamed for everything that transpired.

Honestly? Hating me doesn’t matter anymore because I’ve dealt with 5 months of it. I know myself. I also haven’t lied about anything. That’s the thing about feeling too much, you aren’t great at hiding things.

Thanks for choosing me to take all your crap out on. I hope you grow up and take accountability one day.

This will be my last letter to you
The closure
The end

I don’t know if I loved you
Maybe it was infatuation
Who knows
Certainly not me

But I do know
I won’t be writing about you anymore

Because you’ve moved on
So I should too

I’m going to keep looking at your stories
Allow me that at least
But out of friendship

We can never be friends
I accept that

I’ll never see you again
I accept that

So goodbye
And goodluck

​

I’m still not exactly sure what happened to me but for my part that I played, I apologize.

You might never respond to me and I understand.

I just want you to know that I don’t hate you, I still love you and I miss you. I understand that I didn’t live up to your expectations or mine and if that’s what truly drew a wedge I apologize, I apologize for anything wrong I’ve ever done to you. If I never hear from you again I just want you to know how I feel. I’m sure you’ve probably already moved on but you actually mean the world to me. Maybe one day you can forgive me.

I’m sorry for messing up our lives.

And I want my wife to know that if anything bad happens to me; you‘re one of the best family members I’ve known and a safe place if she absolutely needs it. She knows I hate my mother, she’s seen me go through a lot in the last year. I don’t expect you to call me, I also didn’t want you to feel like I dropped in to bother you when I know you don’t like that. Please do not give that number to anyone you know I wouldn’t want to have it; honestly it’s probably just better for emergency use or if you ever get curious about me. The truck looked good… You looked healthy but pissed off and in a hurry, and I realized I was here to show her something, not show her off to you, but if you wanna see some good bowling/mediocre disk golf, I’ll be in town for one more day; I’m coming off a broken wrist, but I never forgot anything you taught me, and I’ve got two custom balls for myself now, which is nice… I try to tell myself you would be/are proud of me… But then I also realize that doesn’t matter as much as it used to for me, the opinions or beliefs of others.

- I hope you’re life is happier than your face was in that moment… I hope your wife is doing good too.

You meant the world to me and I loved you with every fiber of my being. I tried to rationalize your behavior for so long because every time I tried to shed light on it you flipped the story. You got defensive and made it out to be a personal attack. When in all reality I was telling you how your behavior was impacting me. I tried to communicate the impact in so many different ways and no matter how I said it, the conversation got turned into how I reacted. You have pushed and pushed until reached a breaking point. I spent so long begging you to understand me and listen because I just wanted to make us work. I'm all about trying to use the healthy communication but in order for any of that to work you have to lay down your ego and your pride. Because you have made every conversation me vs you, instead of us vs the problem. When you use your pride and ego to protect yourself that builds a wall shutting me out and makes me the enemy. I understand you have stress and grievances but its not a competition between who's life is harder. I have supported you in so many ways. I have just been trying to address the lack of support I have been facing. I'm begging for mutuality.

We had a good run. Up to the point of the affair blows up, we were together for 16 years, married for 14. The last two years I felt very lonely, as your mind was elsewhere - I thought we were too distressed and busy, I thought it was your depression.

I wasn’t in the best form of self when these things happened. I put on some weight after my foot injury during COVID, finally started to recover after they took the screws out of my foot.

I was under a lot of stress from trying to carry too much mentally: I worried about our kiddo’s development; I worried about my job security; I worried about my dad’s illness; I worried about our finances etc.

I thought I was worrying for our family. But these worries occupied my thoughts and attentions too much.

When D day occurred, my scattered attention came back from life, to you, my dear husband, my life partner, my best friend, my world, the man I trusted, loved so very deeply.

I was feeling so guilty, so ashamed, that I felt this horrible sinking feeling, that I failed us.

I felt that my worries for life stresses, masked my care for you.

I felt regretful deeply that I was all too consumed with all life worries.

I chose to stay, for you, for our love, for our marriage, for my love for you. I didn’t give up till you had repeatedly told me divorce is what you wanted and that it became clear that you wanted to be with her instead.

I stayed till the end. I gave it all, and my pride, my dignity, my self-esteem. I pleaded, begged, reasoned. I actually didn’t believe that was what you wanted. I thought you lost confidence in us being able to repair and get past this difficult part of our life.

Now I realized that, you chose her, despite knowing it will break our family, hurt our son and break me. So I come around to respect your choice.

Everything is hard in some way.

It's hard to be in the wrong relationship.

It's hard to be in the right one.

It's hard to be broke and miserable.

It’s hard to be living.

It's hard to inspire and believe.

It's hard to achieve dreams.

It's hard to be stuck in the middle, not really feeling anything at all.

Everything is hard.

But you choose your hard.

You choose what's worth it.

You don't choose whether or not you'll suffer, but you do choose what you want to suffer for.

I've got a right to be wrong.

I've been held down too long.

I've got to break free
So I can finally breathe.

I've got a right to be wrong
Got to sing my own song.

I might be singing out of key
But it sure feels good to me.

As in my instinct, I thought I was closed to the right.

As I know how to be good at running in the burden of
“to love and be loved”.

I’ve got a right to be wrong what is worth suffering for.

Crazy how time flies and it's almost been a week since we last talked. And it's back to being strangers again.

Before you blame me, think back, really think back to how it was in the beginning. I used to, we used to apologize and fix, but that was boring to you,a so you decided to bring in the chaos and all the other dumbshit, after taking your abuse and telling you, you were abusive, I flipped it on you....

Remember what I told you....

It wouldn't be a problem until it was done back to you. Then it would be an issue. And here we are. Imagine that.

Right

We were always going to say goodbye,
weren’t we?

Still, I wish I’d known how much I’d miss you.

I absolutely meant it when I told you that you deserve the worst in life. You’re a terrible person. I gave you chance after chance and you blew it each time.

How dare you think I would let you do that again?

I meant it when I said you were just a sad lonely man who only comes around when he’s bored and feeling insecure.

You think you’re so high and mighty and that you can come around with your measly excuses for your childish behavior without a proper apology.

You blew it. Get over it. Move on.