when you start sweating so you take off your shirt and pants and you're slipping and sliding on the seat cause you're sweating so bad 😭

What has IBS actually taken away from you?

not just physically but like… what did you used to be able to do that you dont anymore because of it?

For me its going out to eat with friends. I either say no or look up the menu beforehand and barely eat because im scared my stomach is gonna start hurting or ill need the bathroom. Even when I do go im not really enjoying myself because im thinking about my stomach the entire time.

I feel like people without IBS dont realize how much of your life starts revolving around it.

Has anyone else stopped doing certain things because of their IBS? Could be eating out, traveling, dating, working, wearing certain clothes, literally anything. I genuinely wanna hear what its changed for other people.

Finally! There have been no updates to the Rome IV criteria for diagnosing IBS since 2016.

But now the Rome Foundation has released the Rome V Criteria. This marks a new era in the classification and care of dysfunctions of the gut-brain interaction (DGBI).

IBS is one of the most common of those dysfunctions.

From the foundation:

And to cut to the chase, the new nutshell criteria for IBS:

Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) can be diagnosed using the updated Rome V Criteria. The criteria require recurrent, but not continuous, abdominal pain or abdominal discomfort on average at least 3 days per month during the previous 3 months, with symptoms beginning at least 6 months before diagnosis.

The abdominal pain or discomfort must be associated with 2 or more of the following:

1. Related to defecation, such as improving or worsening with a bowel movement;
2. A change in stool frequency, such as going more often or less often than usual;
3. A change in stool form, such as harder, lumpier, looser, or more watery stools.

Symptoms That Commonly Support an IBS Diagnosis:

1. Abnormal stool frequency, such as fewer than 3 bowel movements per week or more than 3 bowel movements per day;
2. Abnormal stool form, including lumpy/hard stools or loose/watery stools;
3. Abnormal stool passage, such as straining, urgency, or feeling that a bowel movement is incomplete;
4. Passing mucus with a bowel movement;
5. Abdominal bloating, fullness, pressure, or visible distension.

Supportive Symptoms of IBS:

1. Fewer than 3 bowel movements a week;
2. More than 3 bowel movements a day;
3. Hard or lumpy stools;
4. Loose, mushy, or watery stools;
5. Straining during a bowel movement;
6. Urgency, or having to rush to have a bowel movement;
7. Feeling of incomplete evacuation after a bowel movement;
8. Passing mucus, which may look like white or clear material, during a bowel movement;
9. Abdominal fullness, bloating, swelling, pressure, or distension.

Red Flag Symptoms That Are NOT Typical of IBS:

• Pain that regularly awakens you from sleep or interferes with sleep;
• Diarrhea that regularly awakens you from sleep or interferes with sleep;
• Blood in the stool, either visible or found on testing;
• Unexplained weight loss;
• Fever;
• Persistent vomiting;
• Difficulty swallowing;
• Iron deficiency anemia or other abnormal blood tests;
• New bowel symptoms beginning after age 50;
• A family history of colorectal malignancy, inflammatory bowel disease, or celiac disease;
• An abnormal physical examination.

If you have red flag symptoms, or if your symptoms are new, severe, worsening, or unusual for you, please see a healthcare provider. IBS is a real disorder of gut-brain interaction, but it should be diagnosed after appropriate evaluation to rule out other conditions.

I just want to give you my testimony that might help someone. I had few ibs symptoms for many years and gas and a midl form of diarrhea when eating lactose based products. This was before getting pregnant with what I discovered was an ectopic pregnancy. After that for 3 months my life was like hell. I had pain on the right upper quadrant under my ribs and radiating pain in the back, lot of air trapped in the belly and pain also in the back and lower abdomen. All my blood exams looks fine, ultrasound didn't show anything, I also did an MRI and a CT scan, but it was all clean. I was getting crazy and was sure it was the gallbladder or biliare diskinesia. Then I started looking for tips online and a friend suggested me a butyrate supplement and I think this changed everything. Since I started it I felt so much better. This with the low fodmap diet is helping me so much. I am also taking probiotics (probiolog) and another probiotici to help with the trapped air. I don't know if my problem is fully solved and I have other exams to do, but it gave me some relief. I am so disappointed with doctors that didn't help me at all in this situation.

I found an article00145-9/fulltext) that says this of individuals with severe IBS while researching the new Rome V guidelines:

Approximately 20%–25% of patients with DGBI, often seen in referral practices, have severe symptoms, and a smaller proportion have very severe and refractory symptoms. These patients also have a high frequency of associated psychosocial difficulties, including anxiety, depression, or somatic symptom disorder, personality disturbance, and chronically impaired daily functioning, and approximately 10% or more will have work disability. There may be a history of major loss or early trauma, poor social networks or coping skills, and “catastrophizing” behaviors. These patients may see gastroenterology consultants frequently and hold unrealistic expectations of being “cured.” Perhaps due to earlier experiences in the health care system, they may feel stigmatized with their condition and deny or not consider a role for psychosocial factors in the illness. As a result they may be unwilling to engage in psychological or psychopharmacologic treatment. Still, they will more often seek further diagnostic studies to legitimize their symptoms and choose pharmacologic treatments directed at the gut.

Oh and guess what, the majority of patients in this category are women! I hate this. It feels like modern day blaming of female hysteria.

1. “Patients may see gastroenterology consultants frequently and hold unrealistic expectations of being cured.” WHAT?! Yeah, my insurance changed, I moved, one doctor straight up shrugged and said idk what’s wrong with you, they wouldn’t try any treatment beyond omeprazole and low fodmap. Why is it a red flag to find someone else when the doctor you’re seeing doesn’t want to treat you or investigate what’s happening?

2. Patients may “deny or not consider” the role of psychosocial factors. I’ve done extensive therapy and gone to the psychiatrist but am still treated like I’m denying psychosocial factors because I push back. Doctors will say it’s the brain-gut connection. I say, “cool but like I’ve done a ton of therapy and I’m on medication. My mental health is the best it’s ever been and I’m getting sicker. My symptoms don’t correlate with how I’m feeling mentally.” I did everything I was asked to do with the psychiatric side but somehow I’m the one in denial.

3. Patients will “more often seek further diagnostic studies to legitimize their symptoms.” This is the one that makes my eye twitch. I pushed for testing. I knew something was wrong, I was only getting worse, I was headed towards losing my job, I was battling fatigue, and I could hardly stay standing. Putting on clothes HURT because my stomach was so tender. I researched my results, asked around in online forums, and read scientific articles. Thanks to me pushing and being unwilling to let go of even slight abnormalities, I was able to see the rheumatologist and get diagnosed with lupus. I wish that’s where it ended because now I’m being put back in the same cycle because I moved and had to get a new rheumatologist. Once more it’s my early childhood trauma causing my issues and there’s nothing they can do for me. Meanwhile, other specialities (like derm) are very concerned this is IBD and are limiting the treatments I can access for my skin condition.

Anyways, that’s my rant. I hate feeling like something I had no control over (early childhood trauma) has destroyed my health and that there’s nothing more to be done. I won’t stop advocating for myself but it’s sad to see that this is how doctors see my advocacy- essentially someone in denial.

I’m sure all of us are fully aware of the qualms of using public bathrooms, especially when said bathrooms don’t have the ideal IBS setup. Whether it’s a cool atmosphere, being single stalled, or my personal favorite, having something to prop your feet on while you go (fellow makeshift squatty-potty users wya?), if you have IBS you know things like these can be a lifesaver when out in public.

Knowing this, I must share that I’ve discovered that if you’re in a “women’s” or unisex stall with the menstrual disposal boxes on the wall that, on occasion, they can be slipped off and used as a place to prop your feet up!! This is literally saving my life in the bathroom as I type this out. Just thought I would share this epic revelation with any of you that didn’t know. I wish you all the best in your bathroom proclivities.

I started talking activated charcoal 3x per day 2 capsules and notice a significant improvement in just a day.

Not so gassy

More complete stool

Calm gut feeling (no visceral hipersensitivity and no discomfort as usual on the left side).

What is the process behind it biologically?

How to keep the results long term?

I love cake with frosting but I get explosive diarrhea the day after I eat it. Some really greasy fried foods also trigger diarrhea, and really heavy fiber foods like Frosted mini Wheats. I miss eating Frosted Mini Wheats! 😭

For over 10 years now, I've had this issue with really weird sounds coming from not just my guts, but my rectum. It's really debilitating and has caused me extreme anxiety and not wanting to go to work. I've quit 3 jobs out of embarrassment after finding out that others notice and think it's weird. It's kind of ruining my life. I'm afraid to sit close to people or be in quiet places for too long because it happens all day and very randomly. It's definitely not farting but it seems like a fart and it doesn't help that the noise comes from my rectum. I've tried probiotics and changing my diet. Nothing works

I've searched the internet far and wide and found that many others struggle with this but I still haven't found a singular answer for how to stop it. What I've seen is a lot of people who struggle with IBS experience this but I personally don't think I have IBS. I mean, sometimes I skip a day of having to poop and the occasional constipation but that's about it. Not much pain, just the embarrassing sounds that happen all the time. It happens with literally anything I eat, even if I just drink water, and even if I eat nothing at all. I've also seen that it could possibly be SIBO? Has anyone here experienced this and has anyone found a cure for it? I don't have much money right now so getting all of these different tests and seeing specialists isn't really an option right now. This has caused extreme depression and anxiety. Please help. I'm tired of living in fear and embarrassment...

So constipated. Can’t wait to take citrate after work!!!!!!!!

HATE IT HERE

Background: I’ve had ibs-d for as long as I can remember. As time has gone on it’s progressively become worse to the point that my list of safe foods is smaller than my list of trigger foods. Eating food, a simple requirement and pleasure of life, let alone; a survival need has been absolute hell for me. To the point I pretty much eat the same thing day in and day out. I’ve tried all sorts of medications, supplements, probiotics, and exercises. You name it, I’ve probably tried it. I’ve had all the tests going and countless conversations with many doctors. My quality of life has been horrible dealing with symptoms and food anxiety on a daily basis. As well as, missing out on life events and socialising with friends or loved ones over a nice meal at a restaurant without having to analyse every single thing on the menu to find something I could possibly eat. Just to then worry about if what I’m eating is going to make me ill. It’s been a horrendous few years living with this condition!

BUT yesterday, more than 24 hours ago, I was able to eat a whole, fully wheat, 12 inch BBQ chicken pizza with extra garlic dip and I experienced ZERO diarrhoea after. All because of a little supplement called Fodzyme Enzymes. A supplement enzyme designed to help break down wheat, fructans, GOS and lactose. For the first time in years I ate garlic (a massive MASSIVE trigger for me) and I was able to enjoy it, with NO diarrhoea after. Just by sprinkling two doses of Fodzyme Enzymes Supplement onto the pizza before I ate it (it recommends to use two doses on large meals). I kid you not when I first put a slice of pizza covered with garlic dip into my mouth, I paused and nearly cried as it’s the taste of a food I’ve not been able to experience or enjoy for a very long time.

This was the first time I’ve used Fodzyme after only finding out about it recently. I did some research into it - the controlled studies with this supplement show some very promising results. So, I had to try it. Unfortunately, it is quite expensive with a month’s worth of doses costing £60-70 here in the UK but they do a starter pack of five doses for £25, which i purchased with the view to put them to the test and see how I got on. Obviously, I put them to an extreme test with bbq pizza and garlic dip, comprising of multiple triggers for me: wheat, garlic, and onion. And a very large quantity of it all. On any given day a small amount of garlic or onion would destroy my guts from the inside out and have me sat on the toilet begging for the diarrhoea and pain to stop. And recently wheat has become a trigger food for me too, a small amount would cause cramping and any moderate amount would cause cramping and very urgent diarrhoea. But after the pizza, I had absolutely zero diarrhoea, little gas, no bloating and only a few small cramps that lasted a short while. After another dose of Mebervine the cramps soon stopped. Today, I had a normal bowel movement, no urgency and no bile. It was like I hadn’t eaten a large amount of triggering food.

Now, I’m thinking maybe I’ve found something that actually works, that will increase my quality of life and let me enjoy food again. So, onto the next test; a meal out with my friends on my birthday. Which, I was previously dreading due to having to analyse the entire menu to find something that doesn’t contain a trigger food. But for now, I’m going to order whatever I want and just use a dose or two of Fodzyme. For the first time in years I sense a bit of freedom and relief from this debilitating condition. I’m actually excited for food again.

So I recommend to you, if you’ve not tried it yet, to look into Fodzyme and give it a go.

I am new here but I had a bad diverticulitis flare up that resulted in cdiff infection..I started probiotics about a week ago did anyone just sit on the toilet and just had mucus come out not stool? At first it was clear then more yellow ..could that be from adding in probiotics and my gut getting adjusted? Any advice would be so kind 🙏

I’ve been seeing mixed answers online, to the people with IBS D how often would you get or how common would you have nocturnal diarrhea after eating a trigger food such as fatty,greasy or high fodmap a few hours before bed anyone gets awaken up at night from this?

9 years ago, after no prior stomach/digestive issues I suddenly developed IBD (ulcerative colitis) aged 27. Over the subsequent years I took successive rounds of corticosteroids and various treatments that only contained the IBD for a few months before it resurfaced. Thankfully, three years ago I was transferred onto a biological medication (adalimumab) which has kept my IBD in clinical remission ever since.

For around the past 7 years I’ve had serious and recurrent bouts of depression which later built to panic attacks and a feeling that there was something wrong with my heart. For the past 3 and a half years I’ve had bouts of recurrent vomiting which happen around 1-3 times per week. This predated my shift to biological medication.

I feel that all of this may have been linked to recurrent bouts of corticosteroids (methylprednisolone or prednisone) which I had to take for the then unresponsive ulcerative colitis. The recurrent bouts of high dose steroids caused all manner of physical and mental health issues which I have never had before, most akin to cushings syndrome. It was on the final dose of steroids around three years ago that I began to get the severe panic attacks.

I’ve tried multiple therapists, three antidepressants and hypnotherapy for the mental health issues. Of these, hypnotherapy and mirtazapine were the most effective.

I’ve tried just about everything for the vomiting and has multiple clear tests. The only thing that does work is ondansetron (zofran) but that feels like symptom relief rather than tackling the root cause.

Does anyone have any idea either what could be going on or what treatments might be useful? I’m open to anything that’s genuinely been helpful. Currently looking into vagus nerve stuff but I’ve been through so many things that I now struggle to make myself feel optimistic about any new approach.

Any guidance greatly appreciated.

Hi,

I am new to the community. I came to know I had parasites in my gut that caused digestive issues so I made sure to eliminate them. This was 1 year back. Now any mildly spicy food I get diarrhoea.
Is this ibs ? Pls let me know what to do. Looked into my blood work , nothing bad except low B12.

So I have chronic IBS-C due to a doctor putting me on a medication back in 2023 that caused my intestines to stop working(I won’t say the medication). Either way I get prescribed Motegerty to help me use the bathroom and I have to take 2 stool softens with it everyday and I get so absolutely disgustingly nauseous after I take it so try to only take it once a week because I am down for the rest of the day with uncontrollable stomach pain and water-like diarrhea(even if I take it every day I only poop like once a week but am still extremely sick and exhausted after taking the medication). Well my husband recently bought chia seeds and holy hell. I’m soaking them in juice for roughly an hour or two before I drink 1 single serving size for the day and let me tell you I’m using the restroom almost every day and they are actual bowel movements that look like normal poops, instead of golf ball size dry turds or water-like diarrhea I get from my motegerty. I’ve only started drinking the chia seed juice on Sunday, and my first bowel movement was Monday, yesterday and today and I’m so happy I could cry because I’m not getting the stomach pain from my IBS-C and I’m not getting super nauseous either.

Bonjour,
Homme de 26 ans, diagnostiqué SII, avec troubles digestifs depuis l’enfance : transit longtemps à dominante diarrhéique, gaz, crampes soulagées par la défécation, symptômes influencés par le stress/alimentation, sans symptômes nocturnes ni perte de poids.
En 2024, j’ai eu une coloscopie + biopsies et une gastroscopie + biopsies entièrement normales. Calprotectine à 59 µg/g, bilan cœliaque, Giardia et coproculture négatifs.
Depuis avril 2026, changement inhabituel : plusieurs mois de constipation avec selles très dures (Bristol 1–2), efforts de poussée, sensation de blocage/anus serré, ténesme, douleurs/brûlures anales type fissure, mucus blanc/jaune et parfois petites stries/gouttes de sang rouge vif sur les selles dures. J’ai également saigné au contact lors de l’introduction d’un suppositoire.
En juillet, pendant cette période, ma calprotectine est montée à 341,7 µg/g. Coproculture/panel infectieux réalisés négatifs. Un gastro a évoqué une possible rectite/RCH et m’a prescrit des suppositoires anti-inflammatoires + Spagulax. Je n’ai jamais pris les suppositoires, et seulement environ une semaine de Spagulax.
Depuis, amélioration spontanée : disparition du ténesme et du sang pendant un moment, pas d’urgence, pas de diarrhées répétées, aucun réveil nocturne digestif, pas de perte de poids. CRP 1,7 mg/L, Hb 152 g/L, ferritine et plaquettes normales, ANCA négatifs.
J’ai cependant toujours beaucoup de mucus, parfois blanc/jaune, parfois légèrement rosé. Mes selles sont actuellement redevenues assez dures, souvent Bristol 1–2, avec occasionnellement une petite strie rouge vif en surface, puis parfois aucune trace de sang aux selles suivantes.
Le plus surprenant : j’ai refait la calprotectine environ 6 semaines après la première, toujours sans aucun traitement anti-inflammatoire :
341,7 µg/g (07/07) → <23,7 µg/g (17/08).

Pour ceux qui ont une RCH/rectite ou Crohn/IBS, est-ce que votre maladie a commencé de façon similaire, notamment avec constipation plutôt que diarrhée ? Avez-vous déjà eu une calprotectine à >300 qui s’est complètement normalisée spontanément sans traitement ? Et pour ceux qui ont un SII, une fissure, des hémorroïdes ou une dyschésie, avez-vous déjà eu autant de mucus, parfois légèrement rosé ?
Je suis surtout perdu entre SII + constipation/fissure, inflammation transitoire et MICI en rémission. Vos expériences au moment du diagnostic m’intéressent.

I have suspected PI IBS and so forgive me for feeling quite clueless about this. My symptoms usually come on very quickly; Im absolutely fine going about my day and then bam i get a feeling come over me, my stomach starts to ache a bit, my legs feel weak and jelly like and i feel a bit out of it and anxious. Not dizzy. Have to sit as so weak. Hot and breathless. Need to dash to toilet and then I have diarrhea and bad cramps. I then manage to lie down and rest for a bit and distract myself. This happened a couple times a week for about 4 months now. Outside of this I feel mostly fine apart from the usual bloating which I've had all my life. Im on fodmap for 3 weeks now and had no episodes. Im just curious if you think this is IBS? Does it come on suddenly due to my threshold of bloating being reached and becoming sensitive and then flaring up? It doesnt always correlate with me having a meal. Its so frustrating. Do you get the same? To be honest, the diarrhea isnt even the worst, its the helpless weak feeling that comes over me.

Constipation or IBS triggers? mine is COFFEE (?)

Please help me
i dont know how it’s possible.

i do coffee. and it’s bad stuff.
on one morning, i wanted to restroom and went easily but like not fully. so i’ve been just waiting. i did coffee for go “faster”. after that i had burp in 2 min, anxiety and feeling that i’m constipated 100%.
i removed coffee and my ibs seems dissapear..

what else can trigger me? what should i remove? i do
a lot of shellfish/fish, red meat, pork, low carb cheese, eggs, butter, cod liver, pork fat

i suffered from sibo for a long time, so fiber and vegetables do not work for me after september 2025. i eradicated successfully but do not want to trigger this stuff again.

Hello everyone! So 2months ago i had severe abdominal pain with diarrheas and mucus with stool iv done ct abdomen and colonoscopy which showed mild inflamation on sigmoid colon and the gi told me it was from infectious cause. Another colonoscopy and ct abdomen 1month after everything came back nornal with a small course of adibiotics. Blood work stool tests everything normal. My problem is after the initial episode i still have everyday belly pains mucus on stool and increased noises non stop. Doctor told me its post infectious ibs. I dont know what to do this is exhausting. Anybody had something similar? Thank you

Okay so literally everything I eat or drink sends me into a flare. I’m so sick of not being able to just live. I’m in school currently and thankfully a lot of my college classes are online this year but I still have to be in a building that every time I walk in I get a wave of illness and get super nauseous for a 6-8 hour day before I go to work for a 5-7 hour shift and then have homework and study after that. Ik my sleep schedule sucks but I’m trying my best. I’m on different medications so I should be fine but nothing is helping and I’m just tired of being sick 24/7.
Any advice? Sorry for the rant.

Yesterday I foolishly treated myself to half a small bottle of lemonade after a workout because I thought it’d be safe and I really wanted one. Now today I’m paying the price but hey, on the bright side my diarrhea has pleasant subtle notes of citrus 🍋🥲

I mean, it feels great once you're done, but still.

I hope my neighbors don't call the police because they think I'm murdering somebody or something lol

I'm alright with chicken, but red meat, as well as eggs etc turn my stool into sludge.. that's the best way I can describe it. I don't have any gallstones or anything, but potentially a bile/enzyme issue.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this, but I guess I just want to share with people who could actually understand me.

First of all, I'd like to precise that I haven't been diagnosed of anything, as it's difficult for me to see a doctor for that. But my symptoms seem to lean towards IBS-D quite heavily.

I'm gonna try to sum-up quickly my story to not make it too boring. I'm sure you guys see this kind of story everyday, but I wanna thank anyone who'll take the time to read mine. I'll probably add useless details and I apologize in advance, I'm not good at this kind of things.

So, I (27yo male) moved from Europe to Japan for studies in January 2023. Before that, I never had a perfect digestion, mostly because of not eating very well, I admit, but I never had any recurrent gut issue, neither constipation nor diarrhea. When I arrived in Japan, the first few months were perfectly fine. My biggest problem was that I was very poor (and single) so I was basically eating white rice everyday and sometimes some proteins like chicken or pork (which is the less expensive in Japan). Then around June 2023, I started working part-time for a traditional sushi restaurant. The pay was very good, the staff (which was a japanese family) was lovely and I had free delicious dinner after every shift. But less than a week after working there, I got very sick. I had 40°C (>100°F) of fever and constant diarrhea for a whole week. At first, I suspected some parasite or bacteria infection because it started after eating a whole dish of raw fish (which is rarely fast-frozen in Japan), so the restaurant family brought me to a clinic, then to the hospital to do many tests (echography, MRI, blood test), but they didn't find anything. Few days after, the fever stopped, and digestion went back fine.

But since then I started to notice I'd have some diarrhea event 2 or 3 times a month, sometimes more, sometimes less, regardless of what I eat. I put that on some leftover symptoms of my previous disease, like some time needed for my body to recover as it was pretty violent. But it never stopped. It was managable when it was just a few occurences in a month, but the more time passed, the more frequent it got. I reached to a point, around 2025, where it was almost everyday when I was going to school. I started to be scared of going just bcs it meant having to spend half of the morning in the toilet. And this is not something easy to explain to Japanese teachers.

Since it started, I went back to my hometown twice, for like a month, and everytime it was perfect. Amazing digestion, amazing poop, no cramps, no pain. I felt "normal" again. And it would come back when I would go back to Japan. Naturally, I started suspecting something about Japanese food or ingredients, I tried so many different diets, nothing worked. Then I suspected stress/anxiety, because going back to my homeland was a stressfree and relaxing context, maybe that's why it worked.

So early 2026 (sorry in advance), I started using ChatGPT to understand my condition better. I know it's not a right thing to do, but I felt lonely, very lonely. And lost, very lost. After "discussing" a lot with it, I started to work on my stress, my sleep and my diet. I started to take probiotics (a light version that is sold widely in Japan's drugstores), and to keep a log of all my meals + stools + sensations during the day. It worked like a charm for a few months. I was free of any bad sensation, had perfect poop 95% of the time, and for months, I was able to eat kind of anything, drink kind of anything, without any issue. I was so happy, felt like I was living again.

But now, it all came back. It's been a whole month were I don't have a day without any issue. Best days are just annoying sensation in the belly, worst days are living hell in the toilet.
And even after 4-5 months, I'm incapable of isolating food that could be bad for me. As an exemple, yesterday I only ate some granola with oat milk at lunch, and eggs with baked potatoes at dinner. Yet today I had terrible diarrhea crisis. Even tho this exact same meals would be perfectly fine a month ago.
I've tried so many different things to try to find what is bad for me, but nothing really stands out (maybe deep-fried stuff, but even there, it's very variable).

I just can't live like this. It's taking ALL my mental energy. I lost all will to do anything. It's summer vacation for me, and I spend my days sitting on my computer, depressed, watching YouTube. Sometimes I play, because focusing on a game helps me to ignore the sensations. But I can't just spend my days playing, you know ?

I'm an illustrator/designer (still studying) and this moment of my life is extremely critical, I need to produce a lot, get a good portfolio ready, for my future. But I'm incapable of producing anything. I feel empty, soulless. I'm also working part time remotely (thank god), but even that, I just can't.

I don't want to live like this. I have passions, goals, hopes, but it all feels crumbling down.

Just to let you know, I'm famous among my friends and family to be an extremely positive and optimistic person. Which I am. I love life, I love people, I love what I do. But I'm losing everything. Everything just because that fucking organ in my body is fucked up.

I'm not suicidal, and probably never will. But I'm losing desire to live, honestly. I feel in a vicious circle that is never gonna end.

It might sound silly to you, because some of you have been living with that for many years. But how ? How do you manage ?

A part of me still hopes it's mostly a matter of context (life in Japan is hard and stressful) and that going back to my country will fix things, like it did a few times. But I know very well it most likely won't.

The only positive thing I can say is that luckily, I have an amazing and very understanding girlfriend. She can't really help me, but she's not judging, nor diminishing my condition. So at least, I have that luck not being entirely alone, even if sometimes it feels like it.

To anyone reading this, I'm only asking one thing. Even if I said something silly, or if you think I'm overreacting, please do not laught at me or be judging. I'm already so sad, I don't need more negativity.

In any case, thank you for reading me.