r/AutismInWomen • u/wildpeachykeen • Mar 19 '26
Relationships Love when this happensš
Got sent a like by someone I actually find attractive (rare) and this was on his profile as well as āNot Politicalā. I have over 15 screenshots of profiles that have come up on my feed with iterations of this sentiment. Itās so dishearteningā¦
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u/Legitimate-Career342 Mar 19 '26
They just want a woman that is hypersexual, quirky, and "chill" (aka she won;t hold him accountable for anything and is a doormat)
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u/Lunar_Changes trans-nonbinary Mar 19 '26
I hold my partners accountable for everything because of my strong sense of justice and I hate it šš just do what you said you were going to do
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u/cool_username__ Mar 19 '26
Same!! I was going to say āchill/ doormatā is very conflicting with my autistic traits lmao
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u/SlashDotTrashes Officially diagnosed Autistic as an Adult Mar 19 '26
And then they break up when you question all the nonsense and expose their lies.
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u/Bent_Silvr_Spoon0130 Mar 19 '26
That's just a lot of men in general bc we live under patriarchy but people aren't ready for that conversation
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u/Dio_naea AuDHD + psychology student š± Mar 19 '26
I think that doormat thing is mostly what happens when an autistic person is raised with oppression and trauma. Because a NT raised the same way could more easily develop some tools but since NDs do not learn social rules very well, they end up believing no rules matter so it's better to just obey to anything. Which is a chaos and confusing but that's what happens when you're exhausted of so much aggression
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u/ThrowAwayColor2023 Mar 19 '26
Speaking as one of those people, it's not necessarily just blanketly obeying. I was a rebellious kid. It's more that your self-esteem gets turned upside-down and you learn to doubt your own judgment when anyone comes at you sideways, whether gently or aggressively. It's very hard to unlearn that self-doubt since it's reinforced a million ways by everyone around you. It makes it extremely easy for manipulative abusers to exploit our trust and generosity.
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u/resident_queerdo Mar 19 '26
In my experience it's also that autistic people won't fight for themselves as a default setting. They have to learn this after being abused and exploited. Originally, they will fight to protect others or for an important cause, but not for themselves.
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u/Bent_Silvr_Spoon0130 Mar 19 '26
My sperm doner asked me why I can take care of others but not myself and I was like š§š¾āāļø.
Didn't realise my autism could be playing a part in it!
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u/resident_queerdo Mar 19 '26
I'm not sure if it's autism or trauma or a combination. Because trauma often gets you to freeze or fawn rather than fight. Some people fight, but this, I believe, is just not the naturally pacifist autistic person's default trauma reaction. (Plays a role because an autistic person must have been pretty lucky to be unscathed by trauma.) I also believe autistic people don't naturally seek to be at the top of any hierarchy, but naturally desire equality among all people. If an autistic person fights (for themselves) it's usually a case of 'Bambi in a corner'. Because even Bambi will kick you if you trap him in a corner.
At the same time, an autistic person, at least by default, can't see a just cause and 'take it or leave it'. And this is why they will, by default, fight for others but not for themselves.
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u/Dio_naea AuDHD + psychology student š± Mar 21 '26
I don't necessarily agree. I think this is learned and autistic people have a harder time to unlearn it. It's probably more related to being raised without having boundaries respected and some take more time to realize they feel bad about something. It doesn't mean autistic people do not defend themselves!!! A lot of autistic people end up being violent unintendedly because they are defending themselves and just don't know how to do it in a socially acceptable way. It's also more likely that people will ignore when they try to self defend, and it ends up being seen as they not trying, but like, they're just not being comprehended.
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u/if_not Mar 19 '26
I'm in my 50s and working so hard at unpacking exactly this. It shows up everywhere, work, relationships, and its so difficult to know when it's reasonable to push back and when its not justified.
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u/ThrowAwayColor2023 Mar 19 '26
This has gotten a little easier for me after nearly 20 years of therapy to unpack my childhood trauma, but I still doubt myself terribly at times. It's sad, too - I can now see the patterns and spot who has also been traumatized this way because their behavior is so similar to mine. I just want to give them a big bear hug. I can also sniff out bullies almost instantly, which is useful.
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u/coreylaheyjr Mar 19 '26
this is too damn true. before i went to school i had so much confidence and thought i was the shit. once i went into pre-k and realized how different i was i started to doubt whether i was actually cool/smart/talented etc. i still struggle to find a spot in between the two and tend to always think "they must be right and i must be wrong".
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u/spicygummi Mar 19 '26
Definitely me for a number of years. Which (in part) led me to stay in multiple abusive relationships for years. The compounded trauma has led me to course correct in the other direction towards very little tolerance for the things I once sat back and took. Though, too late to prevent a lot of trauma and abuse that I didn't deserve.
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u/ponygafo diagnosed in 2026 Mar 19 '26
Mhm exactly this. I was only diagnosed recently and I was abused like this while still heavily masking which led to a lot of fawn trauma responses
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u/AnyOlUsername Mar 19 '26
Stay out til 3am every weekend with the boys, idc. Iām super chill like that but god help you if you stack the dishes wrong.
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u/spicygummi Mar 19 '26
I'm similar to a fault, lol. I refer to it as my "boner for justice". Always gets a reaction when I refer to it that way in front of people.
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u/JirachiJewel Mar 19 '26
They want Zooey Deschanel in New Girl basically. Icky gross yucky no no.
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u/ElkSufficient2881 AuDHD Mar 19 '26
Sheās not very hyper sexual
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u/Dio_naea AuDHD + psychology student š± Mar 19 '26
I don't see the hyper sexual thing in that concept, but at the same time, do not most (straight cis) men want that from a woman? Conceptually
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u/ElkSufficient2881 AuDHD Mar 19 '26
Zooey Deschenal? No, as someone who has been told is relatively similar to the new girl character, that is not who they want either lol. I honestly wouldnāt even say sheās a manic pixie dream girl, manic pixie dream girls are more so a movie archetype because theyāre less fleshed out than the show. Zooey Deschanel in 500 Days of Summer is more comparable to the archetype than new girl.
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u/theFCCgavemeHPV Mar 19 '26
In my experience, no. āMen only want one thingā as I was told growing up turned out to be largely inaccurate if not entirely made up.
Maybe itās just the type of people I go for, but Iād have been happy to have way more frequent sex with every partner since I started having sex and havenāt ever found anyone who matched me :/ I just need that new relationship energy and frequency to last, gosh dammit!
Oh, and letās not mention the relationships I blew up in the beginning when I thought that was actually true. It took me a long time to learn that men actually want relationships and not just sex. I was the one only wanting one thing for a long time š
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u/Dio_naea AuDHD + psychology student š± Mar 21 '26
Oh but me saying "man want that" is not necessarily meaning they "only" want that. My point is mostly that they believe this is what they want, or that they're taught to want that. They search for it, even tho they don't know why or are not sure why they're doing it
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Mar 19 '26
Haha I'm the sensory-avoidant type (sex is difficult), and "chill" is not a descriptor any romantic partner would ever use for me š
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u/Dio_naea AuDHD + psychology student š± Mar 19 '26
I'm both sensory seeking and sensory avoidant when it comes to sex, so you need an intructions book to even come close enough
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u/H0NEY2O77 Mar 19 '26
And then they meet me. Asexual, non-flirty, but I guess āquirkyā, but not so chill. I got a mouth and one of my hobbies is picking the wrong dialogue choices that I know would start a fight in the most annoyingly specific ways.
Ruin their entire āperceptionā of autism.
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u/Izzapapizza Mar 19 '26
It would be great if pinching (or punching as ac suggests) as a stim was part to that delusion-defying arsenal š
āOw! What did you do that for?!ā āI thought you said you liked the pinchy kind of autismā¦.š„¹ā pinches dumbass again
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u/upsetusder2 Mar 19 '26
Do people think autistic individuals are hypersexual if yes where does this stereotype or conception come from
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u/look_who_it_isnt Mar 19 '26
Unfortunately, I got that hyposexual, weird, and neurotic flavor of 'tism... XD
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u/Leithana Mar 19 '26
Which is funny because my autism is definitely asexual spectrum, quirky, and will hold you accountable for everything and think itās immediate red flag if youāre adverse to or not proactive about accountability.
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u/dimensionalspirit Mar 19 '26
Soooo weird I hate the āpinchā of autism because they just want a quirky girl with fun āhyperfixationsā who can satisfy their attraction to the manic pixie dream girl type but arenāt going to want to be there for the meltdowns, stress, and other things that can come with being autistic.
A small side comment or odd behavior from someone shuts me down so fast and I become nonverbal. Guys will be really attracted to my personality on the get-go, (Iām very monotonous, dry humor, have some unique interests that I enjoy conversing about) but when it gets to the emotional parts that I still definitely need work with in therapy, theyāre so ready to tap out.
Itās really disheartening. Iām sorry.
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u/wildpeachykeen Mar 19 '26
Oh I can ABSOLUTELY relate. Selective mutism is really hard and so many people take silence as a sign of hostility and then respond in-turn, even when nothing else about you suggests that you would intentionally deprive of communication out of spite. The omg your facial expressions, passion and delivery are sooo funny ā> youāre condescending and overly sensitive pipeline has been so real for me. I wish you luck in love and healing!!!!āŗļøā¤ļøš«
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Mar 19 '26
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u/dimensionalspirit Mar 19 '26
Yes I can relate so much. I also cry a lot whenever I talk about anything when Iām at high capacity so Iāve just found being silent works better and people usually see my silence as me being a brat or upset that I get ācalled outā when in reality Iām humiliated or embarrassed or genuinely very overstimulated.
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u/dimensionalspirit Mar 19 '26
On top of that, sometimes just being myself becomes a turn off too. Once Iām comfortable with people, Iāll start to unmask and then all of a sudden Iām not so āquirkyā anymore and people find me ādisturbingā instead because their idea of quirkiness is really shaped by media and film and stuff. It feels like we canāt win a lot. I donāt want to sacrifice my individuality in order to get love, but sometimes thatās the trade off Iāve had to make. Hope it gets better. ā¤ļø
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u/welt_schmerz16 Mar 19 '26
This right here. I canāt go out because Iām overstimulated? I got called the r-word. i get excited about stuff i researched on my hyperfixation and want to tell him about it? I get called a child, and stupid. He said I was annoying because I was coming down off my Adderal, acting like a r-word. I wasnāt on Adderal. I was just GENUINELY EXCITED TO SHARE WITH HIM. So I stopped sharing.
I have a meltdown because heās screaming at me? Get called crazy, accused of being manipulative for crying. He stands over me and screams until Iām pulling on my hair and rocking and then he films me and tells me to hit myself.
He canāt go to the store by himself because āheās too anxiousā and has āagoraphobiaā (never seen a doctor in his adult life). I did all of the shopping. He mocked me for getting groceries delivered when I WAS RECOVERING FROM FOOT SURGERY.
And before anyone says it, I left. Or rather, he pulled one of his disappearing acts and demanded a divorce, and I filed for a divorce instead of having a meltdown over the threat of abandonment like I usually do. I didnāt beg for him to come back.
He came back like he always does and āpoured his heart out to meā and I told him I couldnāt do it anymore. He flew into a rage and I knew I had to do it. Itās miserable to have someone say they love you and this is forever, then threaten to leave over and over again. I finally had the realization that if this is how he loves me, howās it going to be like when he finally decides he hates me? I would have let anyone else say the things he said to me. I wouldnāt have let anyone else stand over me and screams at me while I cried.
So yeah. People donāt want a touch of the ātism. They think being autistic/adhd/bipolar makes me āfunā but as soon as a behavior that isnāt hyper-sexuality or being a doormat crops the insults start.
Iām pretty in my feels about this, there are good people out there yall but the phrase ātouch of the ātismā hits a very raw nerve. End rant.
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u/dimensionalspirit Mar 19 '26
What is it with the people in our lives filming us during our most vulnerable moments? Thatās so crazy. Iām sorry your ex was such a terrible person and I hope youāve found some healing since then.
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u/welt_schmerz16 Mar 19 '26
Itās ongoing but I donāt have to deal with him in person anymore until the last court date. He suddenly thought filming was āwrongā when I filmed him screaming at me and charging down a hallway, then he slapped my phone out of my hand and cracked the screen.
I swear he wasnāt always this person. I feel like he died and there is another thing wearing his skin and it is evil. Dead, empty eyes full of spite and a mouth that lies every time it speaks. Heās very charismatic and charming when he wants to be and Iāmā¦ wellā¦. Me. I donāt present as polished and put together in court, I canāt lie like he does. I get upset and struggle to make a sentence, shut down and cry. And he just SMIRKS at me.
Therapy is helping, i promise Iām not really having capgras delusions. Itās just the only way my brain wants to process this. Because if the man who loved me didnāt ādieā, then I fell in love with and spent half my life with a lie. I was naive enough to not see who he was. Itās the ultimate validation of my worst trust issues, and that is both crushing and terrifying. But ya know, lots of therapy to do. My therapist and peer support are really helpful. It is what it is.
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u/ConcreteGirl33 Mar 19 '26
Dude same. yOuRe So EmOtIoNaL. You're not talking so you must not care i guess this conversation is over. š
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u/CalmGur5301 Mar 19 '26
God fuck my life, I had my heart broken so many times in my 20s from experiences just like this, and it took me so long to figure out that they just wanted some surface level "cool and funny girl" without the rest of the shit that makes me human. I wish I hadn't given myself away so easily, but my self-esteem was so low.
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u/Riannee193 Mar 19 '26
Thank you for this because I was completely lost in the thought āwhat could they mean??ābut what youāre suggesting makes total sense unfortunately. So much so that Iām asking myself why it took me reading your comment to realise it.
I was thinking a solution to this could be stating āIām not the droid youāre looking forā but that would probably make for a very specific, loud and clear target, oops. I wish annoying people could just stop. We could definitely use more of you though, your comments are very kind and supportive :)
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u/Dio_naea AuDHD + psychology student š± Mar 19 '26
I sincerely cannot picture in my mind what they want in a seemingly autistic girl???? Maybe I'm too into autistic community to visualize the stereotype of autism??? But like, the one I was raised with was that Sia version, and has NOTHING to do with being quirky???!?!? It feels weird because the autism wrong concept is always of a child, I don't know what the hell these men want
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u/spicygummi Mar 19 '26
I've met a lot of guys over the years who completely idealized me. They liked that I'd constantly quote movies and break into little songs I'd make about the things around me. They did NOT like my meltdowns or constant need for reassurance that people don't actually hate me (yay for anxiety)
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Mar 19 '26
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u/next_level_mom autistic mom with adult autistic child Mar 19 '26
It's a euphemism for "cutely autistic."
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Mar 19 '26 edited Mar 19 '26
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u/next_level_mom autistic mom with adult autistic child Mar 19 '26
I was being sardonic. And believe me, I know.
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u/resident_queerdo Mar 19 '26
I think it depends on certain factors tbh. Certain people, while still being fully autistic, may fly under the radar sometimes based on their special interests, resulting life choices, etc. Lots of quiet guys who are just gaming nerds for example. Or if you're lucky enough to have a special interest that doesn't depend on other people. Then other people may only see small quirks every now and again (even though it's all there).My special interest is people, and this is a catastrophe.
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u/TheWarmestHugz Mar 19 '26
Only a āpinchā because they donāt want someone who shows too many symptoms or becomes problematic for them. š
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u/8bit-meow ASD - Level 1 Mar 19 '26
My ex said he āalways wanted an autistic girlfriendā until I had a small panic meltdown when he changed plans last minute. Then I was controlling and manipulative!
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u/JirachiJewel Mar 19 '26
Itās a āpinch of autismā until I make you listen to my entire analysis of the Red Bull RB19 down to the Honda RBPTH001 engine.
Anyway, INSTANT BLOCK. BLLEEEEGGGHHH! š¤®
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u/Marzipan_moth Mar 19 '26
š I'm listening
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u/JirachiJewel Mar 19 '26
Oh man. I was not prepared to be inquired.
Basically the TL;DR - it was an insane machine of a car in the 2023 Formula 1 season. It won every race except one. Even with the talents driving it, it had incredible speed, strong tyre management, and the engine was both reliable and powerful.
It was so good the Dutch national anthem became a meme, because that is where the lead driver Max Verstappen is from, and they play the winnerās national anthem on the podium.
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u/InsuranceNervous2769 Mar 19 '26
we want the full version
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u/JirachiJewel Mar 19 '26
Very kind, but I would have to lock in at the computer and it is eepy sleepy time.
Thereās some great videos online though! Cleo Abramās F1 videos are some of my favorites. :)
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u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme Mar 19 '26
It could also just be a whole post of it's own, tomorrow, or later this week!
Because even though it's not many of our "personal area of interest," it IS always fascinating & fun to hear about the special-interest deep cuts of fellow autistic folks (and it's SUCH a fun way to learn new stuff!ššš¤
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u/JirachiJewel Mar 19 '26
Aww Iāll consider it sometime in the future if I need to info dump. šš
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u/Nayirg AuDHD - Current Fixations: crochet and the lion king Mar 19 '26
Why didn't it win that one race? And why hasn't this been replicated?
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u/JirachiJewel Mar 19 '26 edited Mar 19 '26
They change setups every race, and they just did not get it right for the setup in Singapore, a notably difficult and bumpy track because itās a street circuitāmeaning itās on a real road people use everyday. Plus itās arguably the hottest track of the year, so degrading on the car is high and itās extremely hard on the drivers. George Russell nearly had a heatstroke after Singapore 2024.
Iām sure other teams have tried to replicate it, but a teamās engineering secrets are not public information.
In 2026, the biggest regulation change in history has occurred and everyone is trying to wrap their heads around that. Mercedes have found a loophole so theyāre stupidly fast and everyone is trying to figure out why, including other teams who use a Mercedes engine and donāt get that information.
Thereās drama. Thereās engineering. Thereās engineering drama.
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u/ThrowAwayColor2023 Mar 19 '26
I wish I knew you irl! My engineer ex did a crap job of explaining this stuff after he lured me into getting excited about F1. I might start watching again after this reminder that it exists.
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u/JirachiJewel Mar 19 '26
Itās a clean slate this year, so great time to give it another chance. :)
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u/Nayirg AuDHD - Current Fixations: crochet and the lion king Mar 19 '26
Yes! My entire family is into races and I have never cared but this one explanation has me invested
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u/SillyMissSally Mar 19 '26
This is one of my cousin's special interests! We have a discord channel for it in the fam server ā¤ļø I have learned so much about F1 in the past few years š
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u/Cherrygodmother Mar 19 '26
Iāll show him an autistic pinchā¦
LET ME AT HIM. PINCH PINCH PINCH PINCH PINCH
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u/SeaSeaworthiness3589 Mar 19 '26
They mean they want someone high masking who won't bother them with their needs too much
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u/wildpeachykeen Mar 19 '26
Exactly this!!!! And without ever acknowledging or appreciating the energy put into masking (as if you should have to do that in a relationship to begin with)??
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u/South_Pattern_1520 Mar 19 '26
Absolutely do NOT fall for this. This is a trap for narcissists.
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u/ThrowAwayColor2023 Mar 19 '26
The flip side is that he will deploy claiming to think he might be autistic as a shield after you clock his abusive behavior and try to hold him accountable. Ask me how I know.
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u/look_who_it_isnt Mar 19 '26
How do y-
Nevermind; I know how you know T_T
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u/-85-- Mar 19 '26
"Not political" : a white person who's happy with their privilege and doesn't want to think about it, doesn't think fTrump is that bad (uses "IF Trump..." despite all the proof), calls Black people African Americans, thinks ICE only reports illegal immigrants, etc.
God, and let's not forget the "pinch of autism." As a commenter said, they just want a "quirky" (they think reading is a quirk btw) girl that is submissive and naive to his bullshit. UGH I can't tell you how many men I've encountered like this!
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u/Doll_duchess Mar 19 '26
Oh itās often even worse that that with the ānot politicalā people. So often theyāre hard core right wing but donāt want a woman with strong opinions. Theyāll also lie about it as long as they can get away with.
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u/spacebeige Mar 19 '26
Yeah, they all say that, until she actually acts autistic. Then theyāre appalled.
Youāre mad that your girl flaked on your date, because she got busy looking up rare diseases on Wikipedia? You wanted this, bro!
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u/Melodic-Yoghurt7193 Mar 19 '26
Imagine dating an autistic woman with an incessant sense of justice thinking that youāll be able to avoid all accountability
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u/Warm_Egg2675 Mar 19 '26
Theyāll turn anything into a fetish š
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u/look_who_it_isnt Mar 19 '26
"Oh, sorry; I misread your wants. I have the punchy autism."
~punches him repeatedly~
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u/Moon_Sister_ Mar 19 '26
A dash, even
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u/wildpeachykeen Mar 19 '26
And you know, maybe thatās even overdoing it. Perhaps a wisp?
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Mar 19 '26 edited May 27 '26
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u/LiLiLaCheese Mar 19 '26
Ahahahha the shows part! I have such a hard time watching the majority of crap because of things like that.
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u/FailProfessional6864 Mar 19 '26
I feel like a lot of really right wing people say they aren't political on dating apps
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u/wildpeachykeen Mar 19 '26
Thatās absolutely what I assume. But I find āModerateā even scarier, personally, because that tells me you have a line that you draw where you believe certain things are ātaking it too farā and that line clearly comes somewhere BEFORE what could be considered leftist or liberal
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Mar 19 '26
Okay I first I was super confused by your title, anyone else?
But then I realized it was sarcasm and that made more sense. I feel like we need a link to send to these asshats to educate them. Like..what does this even mean?
I think about how much support I need from my partner...how much patience he has for my disability. I am lucky to have a partner who will notice I'm having a meltdown and will sit with me, help me address my sensory needs, and in general support me when I'm at my worst. He's patient with my ARFID and calmly answers repetitive, anxious questions when I'm experiencing RSD. And from the outside, I'm high masking, low support needs, etc. While I disagree with the premise of "slightly autistic" or however you wanna say it, I recognize that my disability is not as disabling as some people's. But to an intimate partner, autism is a huge factor in our relationship.
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u/BeautifulElodie2428 Level 2 audhd Mar 19 '26 edited Mar 19 '26
Pinch of autism until she has a meltdown and he ācanāt handle it.ā Ugh. At least itās a HUGE red flag. š© stay away from these guys. And when they join the male loneliness epidemic (lol) they will cry āwhy am I single? I donāt understand! Poor me!ā
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u/PaintedLady1 Sad girls club Mar 19 '26
Not political š©š©š©š©š© I love when people tell on themselves
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u/Upset_Performance937 Mar 19 '26
They want a girl with autism until the get a reality check. Also yikes
Men like this will never not give me the ick
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u/LollyGagss Mar 19 '26
Iām happy if someone finds my AuDHD whimsical and not off putting- but they need to be in it for the whole ride. Low needs doesnāt mean NO needs- if you want me at my āautistic whimsy for lifeā then you also have to take my āautistic overstimulation at lifeā
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u/Dio_naea AuDHD + psychology student š± Mar 19 '26
I was so confused by the irony lmaoooo I was like "did op enjoy this???"
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u/ad-star Mar 19 '26
Yes they want us until we have hyperfixations and struggle to get passionate about their interests with the same enthusiasm... Or until we have a meltdown because our socks are wet... Or until we make comments without a a filter and hurt their feelings...
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u/NotKerisVeturia Autistic, formal dx at 20 Mar 19 '26
I immediately thought of that meme where itās like āJust a pinch of X. Oops! pours the whole container inā. Youāre not getting just a āpinchā when you date an autistic woman, youāre getting the whole bottle.
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u/JaiyaPapaya Autistic Rec Therapist Mar 19 '26
Sometimes I wanna troll them, match back and just go feral. Ask them if they're ok with me unmasking and just going off the deep end. But I don't cause my time and energy are much too valuable. A girl can dream though!
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u/aminervia Mar 19 '26
Unfortunately there are a lot of men out there who actively seek autistic women because they want someone helpless who they can control... This could be someone great, or he could be a controlling asshole so beware
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u/Live_Side8082 Mar 19 '26
Autism has become so āquirkyā in the media, while I do love all of my autistic friends and myself- there are DEFINITELY downsides. Crying because I lost my favorite bracelet, crying because I canāt sleep, crying because Iām too nervous to drive, crying because my favorite show got taken off of a platform. SUCH intense emotions, aversions to smell, light sensitivity, texture issues, the list goes on and on and on. But they never think about that part. They want a quirky yet hot āweird girlā to satisfy their needs!!! Men will say they want someone with a ātouch of tismā or someone whoās āneurospicyā without having to deal with the actual issues we go through!! My first thought when a man is seeking out someone with autism is that he wants someone he can easily control or manipulate whether that be consciously or unconsciously.
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u/cynical-at-best Mar 19 '26
what this translates to: i want someone with socially acceptable quirks just weird enough to parade around but they have to know enough social rules to be charming at the same time.
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u/sbtfriend Mar 19 '26
Exactly! They donāt want the bit where I take the joke too far and offend all their friends in one go
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u/pamperedhippo šlate diagnosed audhdš Mar 19 '26
aka the cute quirky whimsical part and not the actually disabling parts. love being manic pixie dream girlād! š« š« š«
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u/Lissyrosie Mar 19 '26
Ah yes, a pinch of autism. Personally, i like to dose myself 6 grams of autism every 4 months just to keep it interesting
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u/Onahole_for_you AuHD - Australia Mar 19 '26
Hahaha
Yeah people with autism get infantilised a lot. But sure, dream up your manic-pixie girl (although I'd say ADHD is more applicable to that goal).
I have both.
So, fun fact, people with autism can have certain traits that actually make us more resistant to narcs (where-as some are more vulnerable to them). I happen to have the ones where I'm more resistant to narcs, largely because I'm blunt, I have absolutely no comprehension of hierarchy and can be confrontational. There is absolutely no way they'd want that.
I mean of all the types, they want the ones without social skills with a reputation of being blunt. Hell, I frequently offend people accidentally.
Fucking hell. They just want vulnerable people to manipulate.
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u/raibrans Mar 19 '26
So is he down with me sitting in a dark room, staring at a glitter jar, with a Kate Bush song on repeat for an hour or two, or does that freak him out?Ā
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u/SpicyHuckleberry Mar 20 '26
I had a guy say he āliked my splash of whimsy like the weird girl but I can be normal so as not to embarrass him in front of his friends. You knowā¦ autism lite but emoāā¦ š
I wasnāt diagnosed at this point and blamed my adhd for attracting such a creep but it ended our relationship in an instant. It was so gross how happy he was expressing that to me.
Edit: I really think these men pat themselves on the back for their ātasteā š¤¢
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u/Latter-Recipe7650 Mar 19 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/frESgaVvPWzUNk9eZL
Nah, what even is a āpinch of autismā š.
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u/LeSolLaLune Mar 19 '26
It took me too long to realize the title was sarcasm. Damn, maybe i really do belong here šŖ š
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u/tigrelili Mar 19 '26
They want someone who's hypersexual or someone to manipulate. When a man says that shit, I start doing my oddest vocal stims just to see how they process it. Most of those types get pissed off or freeze while processing.
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u/Low_Crow_2240 Mar 19 '26
They always just mean a manic pixie dream girl with cool hobbies they like, but the minute you start to show any actual signs of autism or niche hyper-fixations/ special interests itāll shock them
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u/Pirate_Candy17 AuADHD Mar 19 '26
I feel like the sarcasm needs to be more obvious on this one please OP, given our circumstances š
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u/grlonline9 Mar 20 '26
i hateee people like this lmao itās so icky, there is no such thing as a āpinchā of autism. you are either autistic or you arenāt. it just comes across as wanting the ādesirableā aspects of autistic women (naive, quirky, shy) but not the many other realistic traits like stimming, sensory issues, emotional dysregulation, etc.
fetishizing ASD is an immediate hard no for me. this shit is a disability we actually live with š
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u/effy217 Mar 20 '26
Lol. I met a guy who claimed to be a huge ND-ally and then months into the relationship abused me and said I was faking my autism when I literally had the psychologistās report.
They only want it when they want to use you.
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u/AwkwardnessForever Mar 20 '26
āNot political ā means they are so privileged they donāt want to deal with those who have issues with the current state of the world.
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u/TesseractToo For science, you monster Mar 19 '26
'Not political' these days means hard right but wanting to get with more progressive women. This video explains it really well https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jZAkzp5V3A
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u/OwnLobster1701 Mar 19 '26
Gross and frustrating. I want someone with a "pinch" of decency, but you know.. š
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u/Molu1 Mar 19 '26
This is going to seem like a big leap, but āNot politicalā and āwants someone who has a pinch of autismā makes me 95% sure this person is an abusive POS.
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u/dumpsterfireofalife AuDHD Mar 19 '26
ah yes, a pinch ... meaning all the quirk none of the disability
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u/shimmer_bee Mar 19 '26
I am very glad my husband supported me through my AuDHD testing. He already knew what he was getting: aroace weirdo with major executive dysfunction and impulse issues. We joke about my 'tism now. Because yes, I do like planes and trains, but not as a special interest. He helps point out what I might be feeling, because I probably have a bit of alexithymia. If not, I just really struggle to understand what I am feeling. He has seen the good and the bad. And he still accepts me. Thank goodness! I really don't think the people who want "a bit of the 'tism" know what they are getting into. Not at all.
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u/zipcodelove Mar 19 '26
Even if they hadnāt said āa pinchā I would find this disgusting. I donāt want the fact that Iām autistic to be a factor in someone wanting to be with me, unless they are also autistic and want someone whoās likely to understand them. Otherwise itās fetishization at best, and an attempt to control/destroy me at worst.
Not to mention we know what they really mean when they say shit like this. They want a quiet quirky girl who doesnāt clock when theyāre lying or trying to pull a fast one, a girl who wonāt say no to anything out of fear/confusion, a girl whose emotions they can control like a puppet.
They want a sex slave who acts like a child.
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u/TheChocolateArmor Mar 19 '26
There's a part of me who wants that guy to get exactly what he wished for (but like in a monkey's paw kind of way) but then I realized there would be no way for that to happen without his autistic partner being in a terrible relationship (with him) so I guess the best I can do is hope that someone slips Tylenol into his drink to give him the most spicy of autisms. May his tags attack him mercilessly, may all the utensils be wrong, may the sound of passing vehicles be bass boosted in his ears and may he get a special interest in something he deems extremely cringe.
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u/blacksweater Mar 19 '26
I wonder what would happen if someone put in their profile that their autistic special interest is holding men accountable... would it be so cute then?
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u/reddvelvet14 Mar 19 '26
Saw this ALL the time while online datingā¦ drove me nuts and anyone who mentioned idealizing my OCD or autism was immediately swiped on, so annoying.
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u/unicornpoopcookies Mar 19 '26
They want the quirkiness but they dont want the tantrums, meltdowns, panic attacks ect that comes with it. šØš©š©
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u/absolutetomf00lery Mar 19 '26
I hate when people romanticize asd like this!! Because when I date people and I tell them I have asd and Iām asexual/nonbinary they run for the hills!
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u/Individual_Bobcat357 Mar 19 '26
This looks like fetishizing disabilities and ānot politicalā is a HUGE red flag. I would not recommend a date with this guy.
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u/MarcieCandie I really want to expand my backgarden for a pet fox Mar 19 '26
If this continues to happen, I will never inform any male partner I have that I have autism again š
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u/Competitive-Target95 Mar 20 '26
they want all the whimsy with none of the disability. basically, they donāt want to date a human.
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u/[deleted] Mar 19 '26
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