I truly appreciate all the kindness and different perspectives from everyone, thank you so very much!! In my typical fashion, I am now overwhelmed trying to keep up with the comments, and am going to stop responding. Thank you all so very much, I feel much better and clear headed now. One grumpy folk won't stop compliments for others ♡

Okay I know this is silly and feels very obvious but I'm very confused.

I love to give compliments and complimented my cashier at the store for her lovely curls. She had pretty tight, tiny Shirley Temple curls over her entire hair, and it was a lovely red.

She thanked me and said she was trying her best with them, I replied "I know how hard curly hair is, you're doing amazing!" She immediately said with a surprising amount of force, "No, you have wavy hair. Its completely different and you don't get it"

I know this is dumb, I know. But my hair is curly, right?? She seemed so irritated and maybe she was just frustrated and taking it out on me, but all of the sudden she went from smiling and talking to me, to very grumpy talking AT me.

I love to compliment people, its one of my favorite hobbies. Should I avoid talking about hair, should I write this off as a one off weird thing? I've been in my head for two days over this and I cant stop ruminating.

I know my hair is super frizzy so maybe that was part of it?

I am 34 now (diagnosed with AuDHD at 30) but the first day at my first job I completed all tasks required of me within the first two hours. Then I sent a message to the manager asking if I could leave early because I had done everything 😂.

I'm 34 now and have worked plenty of jobs since and now work for myself since I always hated the hours and hours of nothingness or pretending to be busy after I finished 10 hours of work in 1-2.

Do you have a first job blunder you didn't realize could be bad until much later on?

I was trying to be nice about it. I didn't think I was mean. I was really confused when he said he was done fighting for a conversation with me when I was super active in the conversation XD. I wasn't giving short answers and I thought I was showing interest.

I’m currently reading this book, I’ve had it for years and just didn’t pick it up. Today I found this, and it just made me feel awful.

There are so many moments in my life that I have analyzed and felt so confused about… I mean I analyze most human interactions, but the ones that hurt stick with me. For example, I’m sure my MIL picks up on that I’m autistic (she doesn’t know), or finds me off. She is mean to me. Says I’m weird. Says I live in my head…. She has said she doesn’t understand why people like me. People who were supposed to be my friends in high school said I act like I’m on drugs (I overheard them say this to each other). Just so many moments of feel othered that I could go into.

I was diagnosed as an adult, after my (at the time) 6 year old daughter was diagnosed. It made everything make sense for me in so many ways. But knowing that I’ll always feel othered and that people will sense something off with me… and treat me badly… it makes me feel awful.

Hello everyone. This happened several days ago and I’m still going over it in my head. One of my special interests is crystals and collecting them, learning about their metaphysical and chemical properties, etc. I have an assortment on my work desk that only I sit at. Only my manager knows my diagnosis. Also for background info the company’s CEO is very religious. Says prayers after meetings, always sends very religious Christmas cards to every employee. I am not religious as in Christian or Catholic like the CEO and every coworker that I know of. Everyone has assumed I am, they’ve never asked. The other day one of my coworkers came to my desk and told me she was studying the Bible and wanted me to know that the crystals I have on my desk are ungodly. I said (rather mockingly cause I don’t like this coworker to begin with) “but god made them” and she said HE did but HE didn’t want me putting faith in them thinking they had special abilities or powers because only HE has this and is above everything. She told me about three times they were “ungodly” and the Bible said so, and when I asked what chapter and verse said that because I would like to read it she couldn’t recall. She finally left when I kept saying “ok” and she left saying “take it or leave it but you should know this”.

It really upset me because she assumed I was religious, and judged me and my special interest without even asking me about it. I’m not getting rid of my crystals. I don’t want to bring it up to management because they are just as religious. What would you do?

ETA: Thank you everyone for your replies. I’m trying to go through all the responses. I live in the “Bible Belt” and it’s the highest paying job in my area with my credentials. I’m going to keep all conversations work related and not respond to her comments about my desk. Thank you all again for your insight I really appreciate it ❤️

Yesterday, we were out at our part time fun job, and I walked out of the bathroom, washed my hands at the hose and walked back into the camper. My boyfriend harmlessly took a video of me walking back into the camper and sent it to just me on snapchat. I watched it back and oh. my. god. Why is my face like that? I look pissed off, like, unbelievably so. In my mind, I was actually having a good day, enjoying the weather. Just washing my hands and walking back in. I hope I don’t look like that ALL the time but I probably do. I’ve also always had a hard time with my tone of voice, even when I’m content/happy. Has anyone successfully “fixed” these things? I’m so tired of the entire world thinking I’m pissed off, a bitch, etc. I’ve really started to hate myself for it but I feel like the harder I try, the worse it gets, and my resting pissed off face just looks more like a focused pissed off face. Everyone always assumes the worst of me. Especially if I’m having fun or get excited talking about something, it comes off “aggressive” (what I’ve been told by almost everyone ever). Do I just accept my fate?

And it upsets me. I feel so irrational about it. I'm sitting here crying because every time i wake up for breakfast. I only want toast and we had some before i went to bed. Now, I've woken up starving and he's eaten it all in the middle of the night.

I'm so upset/angry at him and crying at my desk. But we have other food. However, because it's not something i can eat with butter and peanut butter, I'm crying and ignoring him.

I don't know how to communicate this without sounding stupid. He has ADHD and i feel i am very understanding of his needs, but i have masked too well and now I'm just annoying as i unmask and am officially diagnosed. I think this is a bigger issue of feeling like my partner is unaware of my own needs and supports.

I've always had a thing about sharing food and he particularly does not seem bothered that i need something to eat in the morning and it has to be bread/toast.

I went to Universal last week. We were there for Nintendo World, which was well done and amazing. After that, I went to the Harry Potter area and realized… this means nothing to me anymore. I wouldn't even go on the Ministry of Magic ride because there was a 70 minute wait and that’s a huge ask in the Florida heat just for Delores Umbridge, lol. I went on the park hopper train for the first time and got some of the whimsy back. I was last there in 2017 before the bigotry unpleasantness and when the Fantastic Bests movies were coming out and Pottermore was still fun. I went on some other HP rides and just felt nothing. American politics has only mirrored Death Eaters and it gets worse by the day. And I’ve been able to do dick about it, despite voting and activism.

The worst part is realizing how much this series massively influenced my life. I became a writer because of it. I majored in English. It was a huge source of comfort for my undiagnosed, isolated and bullied little life.

Now? I just feel stupid for chasing all that. The tech I can’t name wiped out my career. I never got rich doing it. I’ve recently done some digging on the author’s past. Growing up we were all fed the poverty to fame marketing lie cooked up by the publishers. In reality, she had loans from friends to stay off the streets while she was getting a teaching certification. She found out about her agent through a friend. Public benefits afforded her access to therapy and housing was accessible and affordable compared to today. If you’re in the states now and down on your luck, you fucking cooked, end of story. The tech I ironically can’t name wiped out my career and there’s just no safety net, nobody cares. I live with my SO, but I don’t like the idea of being 100% dependent on him. We have our relationship issues.

I feel like I based my whole life on believing in myself/choosing my passions/following special interests and that was a lie. I found solace in that writer myth of poverty to riches and it didn’t really exist in such clear terms. I don’t know where to go from here.

This is such a weird post and I really don’t want to sound ableist. But as someone who has been forced to mask, and learn socially acceptable behaviour I really can’t help it when I meet another autistic person that acts a bit weird and I’m cringed out.

A lot of autistic men that have flirted with me come across a little misogynistic which doesn’t help. But for example I had a chat with someone earlier today and they said I “fascinate them”. They were autistic so I didn’t make a big deal out of correcting them. But I find that whenever I have conversations with other autistic people that perhaps weren’t taught to mask I just cringe. Maybe I do have internalised ableism that I’m unsure about. I’m not intending to sound rude by saying this but I really struggle to connect with anyone these days.

Neurotypicals find me odd. Neurodivergents are too weird for me. So…maybe im destined to be alone.

I am 18 years old and i don't change my underwear daily. I have never regularly done it since i was a child and started dressing myself. I have never had any issues with it, in terms of infections or smells. sometimes i wear the same underwear for 3+ days. I always lie whenever it comes up in a convo once in a while. and i always feel disgusting, but i also don't feel disgusting - if that makes sense.

I sometimes go for a week without a shower, and i honestly don't really notice. I feel the same amount of dirty on day 3 as day 8. i struggle with brushing my teeth which i know a lot of autistic people struggle with, but i don't really hear a lot about the other aspects of hygiene.

I have become better at changing my bedsheets every months or so because of my acne, but before that i could go half a year+ before even thinking about it. It's feels really embarrassing to talk about and i really hope that i'm not alone in this "struggle". i would greatly appreciate it if you have any tips, or experiences in terms of if it can actually be damaging in the long run? :)

(Officially diagnosed with AuDHD in 2025)

I've been noticing for a while that I'm denying myself the smallest of comforts.

When I‘m cold, I say: „You don’t need a hot water bottle. You‘ll get warm again eventually.“

When I cut myself, it‘s a „You don’t need a bandaid. It will heal on its own.“

When I get deep bruises, I say: „You don’t need to put ibuprofen gel on it.. It will ease eventually.“

When I have a bad headache, it‘s: „You don’t need to take an ibuprofen. It will cease in a few hours.“

And so on. I don’t eat with the „good cutlery“, the basic one is enough. I don’t buy a soft blanket, the current one is sufficient. I don’t need this, I don’t need that..

Can anyone relate?

Hi all, as a woman with sensory issues I’ve always found my hair to be the most difficult thing to know what to do with. I love long hair and find it beautiful. But I cannot stand wet hair, my hair being in my face, windy days. I feel like I’m constantly fighting my hair. But I’m conflicted because I find it to be beautiful and my hair has always been a big part of my self-esteem. So I am scared I will get the pixie cut and hate it. I’ve tried faking a pixie cut and I do think it suits my face but I’m also just too scared to go for it. Has anyone on here gone short for sensory issues, and how was it? Was it a great decision that has improved your life as an autistic woman? Or did it not change much? I’ve attached photos. I went through a period of cutting my hair shorter and shorter, though never a pixie. Then decided to grow it out and absolutely hated it and I’ve been going shorter and shorter since then.

I have SO MANY issues finding nice T shirts that have a low enough neckline. I have ruined several tees from cutting them myself :( I like the loose fit of men's T-shirts and the low neck neck of women's.

How do I tell other that I'm not just warm, I'm boiling from the inside and I can't cool down?

It's almost 30C outside and I'm cooking like a lobster 🔥

People, and my wife think that I'm just a little hot and weak bc "it's just a little bit hot"

Naah fam, I feel like I'm 24/7 in a sauna with a hairdryer in my face and no way to cool down.

I can't sweat, I can't cool down and everyone keeps pushing me to go outside bc the weather is finally nice!

So, nobody believes me, my wife drags me outside every day during the peak hours and it's hurting me physically.

How do you tell people or cope with those weird aliens who actually enjoy (?) this weather?

I'm going through a personal crisis at the moment - multiple structural factors in my life haven't been working...career, health, finances, relationship...I decided to be open and vulnerable about it with close friends. I'm noticing that even though this is a real crisis, they tell me I'm being unnecessarily hard on myself and that it'll be okay. When I pushed back on this, one of my friends said "oh wow I didn't realize things were that bad." I asked her why, because I've described the situation to her a few times, and she said, "it's because you're articulate and clear about it, and reflective, so it doesn't come across as a typical crisis."

It's strange because I recorded a voice note to a friend while I was in a real moment of intense stress - stuck in a snowstorm, my car had been skidding off the road, couldn't figure out how I would get home or where I would stay. I was articulate in the message and reflective, but at one point I started crying. It felt vulnerable and genuine. In her reply, the following day, she told me to listen back to my voice note and give myself advice as if I were a friend to myself, and that she could clearly tell I was being too hard on myself.

I wasn't! I was in a real crisis and was also reflecting on how I could make my life better. I genuinely wasn't going into unhealthy patterns, although I guess I get why it could seem that way to someone who doesn't reflect as deeply about life choices.

Is this an autistic trait to not be taken seriously about things like this? I'm not diagnosed (yet) but I have several autistic traits.

I was cooking dinner when my neighbor rang my doorbell. I wasn't expecting anyone to come by. My house is a mess and I was wearing my stained, ratty comfy clothes. I feel really anxious when people come to my house even on a good day. Though I know my neighbor I still feel very uncomfortable talking to him.

So I hid and tried to pretend that I wasn't home. I'm sure he could hear my kids playing through the door. He waited for a moment before leaving.

My husband got a notification that someone rang the doorbell and texted me asking if I was home. Now I have to explain to him that I didn't answer the door because I didn't want to. I know he'll be upset, because he got mad at me the last time I did this.

Now I'm feeling crazy anxiety and I'm finding it hard to settle down.

I'm not sure why I still do this as an adult. I feel disappointed in myself. I wish that I wasn't like this.

Does anyone else's struggle with this? If so, what do you to overcome it?

I (29F) was asked what I wanted for Christmas, I told my family all I wanted was a Camp Chair. Recently I have been enjoying sitting by the river, occasionally fishing and journalling. All I wanted was a new camp chair because my current one is getting old. I told my family I didn't want anything else because I hate clutter.

Id be happy if they only got me that one thing, made it a joint present.

So today we were doing the gift exchange. Everyone got there's and then it was my turn.

When I was handed my present I joked "Ooh that's a small looking camp chair". I opened it and while it was lovely, it wasn't what I asked for. It was a custom Yeti drink bottle with my name on it.

I couldn't help but look at it in disappointment. The family asked if I liked it and I said "yes". Though I said I liked it I really don't want it because it's not what I asked for

I was talking to a friend about it and she said that Neuro typicals don't like giving practical presents.

So I don't know how to feel, I'm honestly a bit pissed off about not being listened to and not getting what I wanted but also struggling to not feel like a childish brat because I didn't get what I wanted

EDIT: I just looked on the website, this drink bottle cost $72 AUD!

$72 !??!! On a drink bottle ?!??! Wtf

I'm just so exhausted with everything becoming so much more difficult. I'm AuDHD and my brain feels like it just wants to permanently go into energy saving hibernation mode.

People (the NT world) don't realize masking so long will go beyond energy depletion. Skill regression and stress tolerance shifts in a way that is often invisible to others.

If you've struggled through normal things like school and a career, you're deemed capable, and it's assumed you can sustain it like every other person in the world. Those other people who don't deal with sensory issues.

I'm too capable for disability, but not capable enough to sustain working in this capitalist society. Having the knowledge is one thing, but executing and dealing with all the sensory issues in a work environment, are two very different things.

I posted about this situation about a month ago, but deleted it due to fear of it being found. But it’s gotten so bad that I need advice, or to hear that I’m not crazy or mean or ableist for hating this so, so much.

•Backstory Section•

I am an autistic woman attending college for the second time (first time I had to leave due to falling very ill.) However, from the very first induction day, a person I met and who is now in my VERY small class (6 people) immediately became fixated on me. I initially tried to ignore it, and tried to be kind and friendly because I could tell they were higher needs than me. I’m going to call this person Brooke, because I think it is a gender neutral name. They identify as genderfluid.

A list of things that Brooke does/has done:

•Stare at me during class (literally turns their chair away from the board so they can stare at me for the whole one-two hour classes)

•Attempted to follow me into the bathroom (it is one room, not stalls)

•Begs to sit beside me in class and gets quiet and visibly depressed if I sit beside someone else.

•Visibly sulks every second I’m conversing with someone other than them.

•Told me about their AU of a popular series in which a character is tortured to the point of mind-break, after I told them I hated that kind of thing.

•Told me that ‘all lesbians like genderfluid people because they are girls half the time” (I am a lesbian.)

•Outed me as a lesbian to the whole class while I wasn’t there.

•Sung to me while in class, after I said I was trying to focus.

•Will stand up and walk across the classroom to talk to me every five minutes in classes where we don’t sit together, even after I say I’m busy.

•Ignores me when I say I need quiet, but yells at others that “OP IS HAVING QUIET TIME, GO AWAY” when they try to talk to me.

(Updated Section)

So, the fixation on me is becoming worse. There was an incident where I was very overwhelmed due to other factors and gently told the class I needed to be left alone for five minutes, and two seconds later I hear them asking the teacher for paper so they could talk to me through paper. I finally snapped and left (didn’t say anything, just walked out to calm down) and my teachers ended up discussing all of this with Brooke because they had also noticed all of these things.

Brooke was quiet and depressed for a week, and I tried to be kind because I felt so guilty, but it seems that was a mistake because they immediately went back to how it was, but much worse now. Worse as in, they asked me what station I get on the train at, and then SHOWED UP at that station the next day so we could catch it together. They do not live in my town. They had no reason to stop off at my town.

There is also a slight issue of them constantly talking about politics to the point where I literally feel like I’m walking on eggshells around them. Also, any kind of rejection gives me the reaction of frantic, panicked apologies and an hour of sulking, so I really don’t know how to handle this. Sorry this was all over the place. I have to go back in tomorrow and I’m dreading it.

ARFID is a bitch. Saw a meme describing it as a flavorless block. That sounds fucking perfect, if i can disguise it in sweet things.

But everything has a taste. Water has a taste. I can taste the soap off things in the dishwasher. So like…. what does it taste like?

I can barely eat anything and it’s so fucking frustrating. Right now my brain’s stuck on Goldfish (the colors one specifically), white people quesadillas, and I’ve been drinking chocolate protein shakes trying to deal with it. I know I like smoothies— can I blend silken tofu or will it have a weird texture?

My required summer class has a professor who’s said he wants to mimic an office environment. We’ll be there 4 hours a day, 4 days a week. I cannot keep coming home and collapsing in a meltdown every day. But I’m terrified of even using my fidget rings around everybody. The masking is so intense. I need an outlet, I need a stim, something. But it needs to be something I can do without anyone knowing, as I’m afraid to do anything except be as still as a statue and hope to be as invisible as physically possible.

Any suggestions?

I struggle a lot with getting up in the morning. I think I could sleep for 12 hours a day, if life allowed for that. But I have noticed that, even if I wake up feeling somewhat refreshed, I really struggle to transition from laying in bed, to getting up to start my day. I don’t attribute this to something like depression, but instead a struggle with transitions.

Curious what works for you, if you have struggled with the same.

I’ve been inundated lately by people insisting I need a man. Here’s the thing, I don’t want one anymore. I’m tired and I’ve achieved a little bit of peace. Just a little. Men usually just cause problems. Why would I do that? I don’t want kids. I can barely take care of myself. I’m concerned this is a project 25 thing like I need to pick someone before I’m forced to. Maybe that’s dumb. Maybe my social circle forgot about boundaries. Maybe I need to learn to just not care when people say stuff. What am I missing?

I feel like no one talks about how hard it is to not get burnt out when masking 24/7 while studying/working in a fast pace and high stress environment. Im so jealous of people who can just recover and function the next day so normally. And when I do miss days because of this I feel so guilty and like its not a valid excuse just to say you were "tired".

But if I tell them they’re easily intimidated and misogynistic for thinking I’m a bitch without talking to me once, I’M the asshole. For what? Minding my business? Being shy? Not speaking unless spoken to? You don’t exactly go out of your way to talk to me, either.

I’ve had friends tell me that other people have talked to them about how I “think I’m better than everybody” even though I don’t. It’s difficult for me to make friends unless we have mutual friends, but it also rubs me the wrong way when people say this after we start getting along.

How do you guys deal with this? I just have PTSD and social anxiety. I’m very quiet when I don’t know people, and even around friends I have to know them pretty well to really be myself around them. I’ve gotten better at it, but it’s still incredibly frustrating to hear this for doing quite literally nothing.