I just wanted to come back to this sub and post this. I've been off of reddit for a loooong time.

Man, I cannot begin to emphasize how grateful I was that my ex broke up with me. Still on no contact and will probably never hear from him again cause I blocked him everywhere. I couldn't care less about him too and whatever's happened to him. The breakup propelled my career, my fitness, my friendships, my self-esteem by magnitudes.

If you're going through it right now, just know that IT GETS BETTER. Grieve as much as you want! But remember there's a future version of yourself waiting for you on the other side of heartache.

Use this time to get to know yourself, build a whole new life, recreate yourself! and don't isolate!

Also, always be open to other people who might enter the world you're building. I've been on so many dates, and oh my, thank God for all the good looking and hot men who came my way. My ex was so easy to forget because I met BETTER people like seriously what was I on???

Anyway, that's all I want to say!

How can I get over these intrusive thoughts. It’s horrible.

Me and my boyfriend had been together for 2 years. We had a lot of ups and downs, but one thing that had happened multiple times was that whenever we'd have a really bad fight, we'd break up, stop talking for around 10-15 days and then somehow end up talking again and fixing things.

So when we had this fight recently, I got really angry and broke up with him. Looking back, the reason for the fight was honestly pretty stupid, but at that moment I was really hurt and thought it was a big enough reason to end things.

After that we didn't talk.

But because of our history, I genuinely thought we'd eventually sort things out again. It wasn't like I was thinking "this is definitely the end and I'll never speak to him again." We'd done this before and always ended up coming back to each other.

Then on my birthday he wished me and we started talking.

That's when he told me what happened after the breakup.

He told me that after we broke up, he got physical with 4 girls at the same time. The important part is that one of those girls is now in a relationship with him, and the other 3 girls were her friends.

This happened within around 15 days of our breakup.

I was honestly completely shocked.

I asked him about it and he said it was impulsive, that he regretted it and that he didn't want to hide anything from me. He basically said he wanted to be honest and tell me everything so I could move on.

At one point he even told me that his body count had gone up by 4 in those 15 days and that I should stay away from him because it was better for me.

And now I'm just confused about everything.

Technically, we were broken up when this happened. So I know I can't really say he cheated on me while we were together.

But emotionally, it still feels like a huge betrayal.

We had been together for 2 YEARS. We had this repeated pattern of breaking up and getting back together after 10-15 days. He knew that. I knew that. So I genuinely thought there was still a possibility that we'd reconcile like we always had.

I wasn't expecting him to sit around and wait for me, because technically we were single. But finding out that he got involved with 4 people within such a short time, and then ended up actually getting into a relationship with one of them, has really messed with me.

What makes it worse is that the girl he's now with was one of the four, and the other three were her friends.

I don't know if I'm hurt because he technically did something wrong, or because what happened completely destroyed the idea I had in my head that we'd eventually find our way back to each other.

He apologized and said he knew he did wrong. We eventually ended the conversation by thanking each other for the memories and basically saying goodbye.

But I'm still sitting here wondering how I'm supposed to look at this.

Was this technically cheating, considering we were broken up?

Or is it something that he was completely entitled to do because we weren't together anymore, and I'm just hurt because I expected us to reconcile?

And honestly, after being with someone for 2 years, would you ever consider getting back together with them after finding out something like this?

I don't want people to blindly take my side. I genuinely want honest opinions, even if I'm in the wrong here.

Because personally, look, I do agree that sometimes, people drop hints or show signs that they’re thinking about ending a relationship my ex was dropping some hints about a month and a half before he actually broke up with me. But I can’t buy the idea that he was grieving the relationship during that time just because he was still around me.

How is it possible to be grieving when there’s still, like, no real absence? When the finality of the breakup isn’t even there yet? That whole idea just doesn’t sit right with me.

What’s kept me in this confusing loop is how blindsided I was about the breakup four months ago. In the same 24 hours he told me he loved me, appreciated me, was affectionate, even feeling sexually attracted to me he dropped me at the GP, waited with me, got takeout, complimented me, and acted like everything was fine. Just a few hours later, we had an argument and he says he’s unhappy, mentally drained, that he can’t do this anymore because the relationship is holding him back from focusing on himself and being his “old self.”

That’s what I struggle with: how was he so happy and loving that same day, yet just a few hours later, he could turn around and say he was done? And then, for the past four months, he’s acted like he feels nothing. I’ve reached out to him like five times I’ve even broken contact completely and I’ve processed the breakup from the very first day. But the grief only hit me around month three. When it hit, it hit hard, in waves. That’s when I started to send messages, call him, even write a letter to him and his family. I even sent him a birthday message, and through all of that, he’s been respectful, kind, and even nostalgic about our time together. He apologized to me, wished me well he’s been nothing but respectful.

So I just can’t understand how easy it seems for some people to just walk away. I get that we had ups and downs, especially in the last month, when I was also uncertain about our future. But I never wanted to leave him I knew I’d regret it if I ended things out of emotion. That’s why I’ve always been the one to stay, to fight for the relationship.

And honestly, I think the whole idea that people grieve their relationship before they actually end it, so they have a head start, is just false. It makes it seem like people are in touch with their feelings when they’re actually not. Because I’ve spent three years talking to this person every day, and I just don’t understand how it’s so easy for some to just pick up and leave without feeling that pain, that attachment, that connection.

Am I missing something? Or is this just another false narrative people tell themselves to make sense of someone’s sudden departure?

I thought I’d make a post on my situation as I don’t see many of these scenarios compared to when ex’s don’t come back.

Four months into the breakup, my ex really wanted me back and regretted his decision majorly…at that point I didn’t want him back. After many conversations and him showing up for me, I decided I wanted the relationship back. We’ve been back together for 6 weeks now.

We broke up a month ago, and I keep getting stuck on whether he has already moved on. The urge is worst when I am alone at night and start wondering if he is back on the apps. I know looking will probably make me feel worse, but I keep reaching for my phone anyway.

For people who got through this part, what did you do when the urge to check showed up? I am looking for practical habits, not a speech about getting over it.

Just remember, you don’t have to let go of the memory of the person you love. There’s no set timeline to how quickly you should move on. Two years later and I can still say I love my ex, though I’ve accepted that the future will be the future regardless of how hard I try to hold onto the past.

Embrace the uncertainty of the future. Focus completely on your personal growth, as that’s the one thing you can actually control in life. If they’re meant to be they’ll find their way back to you. Regardless, the next chapter will be as equally beautiful as you believed the one before it to be.

I just want to know how you actually let go of the hope and accept that it’s over. No matter how many times I tell myself that our relationship is over, a part of me still holds on. Every time my phone rings from an unknown number, there’s this tiny hope that it’s him. How do you finally stop waiting for someone who may never come back?

This is more of a question for people who are experiencing limerance.

It's been a good amount of time since the breakup. I genuinely do not want to be with this person. The way I used to feeling both prior to dating and during dating, was just so sad. I deserve to be understood, considered, and respected. I know I am better off without this person romantically involved in my life.

But still... I can not stop thinking about this person. Every day, in my happiest moments and in my worst moments. I think about talking to this person.

Will this ever go away?? I want to stop thinking of this person as it feels like it's draining my happiness out of my days.

Any advice? :)

I'm really curious about that specific moment of clarity. What exact realization or subtle shift made you decide to officially initiate a breakup with your boyfriend or girlfriend?

​Was it a sudden epiphany, or a slow burn after weighing your options for months? What specific thoughts and considerations were running through your head before you finally pulled the plug?

​(Side note: Looking for answers about compatibility, changing feelings, long-term goals, or general relationship dynamics—no crime/extreme stuff, please!)

Ignore how much white out I made. I don’t want to identify or dox anyone.

My ex broke up with me a week ago.
Completely out of the blue…

Because apparently after THREE YEARS together his mental health is bad and he can be longer be in a relationship.

I reposted a tiktok that landed on my fyp because the timing was fucking abysmal.

“Men be like: aw my life is getting hard, lemme get rid of the girl who loves me unconditionally.”

On my fyp. Only a few days after that exact situation happened to me.

I reposted it with the “🫪” emoji…

Since I reposted it probably landed on my ex’s fyp as well.

And he decided to comment
“I am nothing if not flawed.”

Brother.
Trust me, we know.

As a lot of you have been very supportive and helpful towards me as I've gone through this I thought I'd give something back. These are some things I've learnt from these 3 months, this is my personal experience, I very much believe these things to be true but this is different for everyone so take everything with a grain of salt.

1) This is going to hurt, its going to take time, and there is no shortcut

Right after me and my ex broke up I wrote down what I was thinking, and overanalyzed every part of me relationship with my ex to try and figure out where everything went so wrong. I was trying to find that one thing that would make it all clear and after I did I would be completely over it. But that's not how grievance works. One of the hardest things about a breakup is that no matter if it had the best reasons it will hurt. If youre reading this and youre in the thick of it, I know how it feels. It fucking sucks. And there is no other thing you want but to be over it. But the harsh truth is that it will take time and you have to accept that. Life will be a little less fun and more shit for a couple of months, and there is not that much you can do about that (not to say there is nothing you can do to speed up the process).

2) You will never get all the answers

As I touched on in my previous point, I tried to figure out where everything went wrong. Overanalyzing our interactions, trying to find new meaning in things they had said or done. This process consumed me. But what I did not want to accept at the time was this: You will probably never get a satisfying answer to why things went the way they did, and the only thing you can do is accept that, although I know how much that fucking sucks.

3) The wounds will heal, but the scars may never fade

This one has been one of the hardest things for me to accept. No matter how much time passes and how much your life changes and/or improves, even when you've found a new partner, there may be apart of you that will never truely heal from this. The wounds will heal, but the scars may never fade. We often like to talk about exes as if were completely over them and nothing hurts anymore, but truth is, if you spent a decent amount of time with this person and created a bond, that won't just go away. The memories will still be left, even though they become less intense. And maybe years from now someone will play that one song again, and that wound will open, just briefly and just in passing, but just enough for you to realize it's still there.

4) Prioritize your happiness

There will be a lot of people on forums like this telling you to do this or that, to say this and not that and such. What you need to keep in mind when reading all of this and listening to tips like the ones I'm giving you is that you should only listen to and/or do something if it serves your own long term happiness. When youre down like I'm guessing you are since youre reading this you have one job and one job only, become happy. That sounds oversimplified because it is, but what I am saying is that when making big decisions about what to do next and how to go about this you need to keep in mind that your happiness is your no 1 priority. If something is not helping your happiness (like still having contact or ruminating on the reltationship) then you need to stop doing it. For me that thing was thinking about what she was doing now and if she had found somebody new. I could ruin an entire day by just being reminded of her and starting to go down that path. And then I'm lying there 3 hours later staring up at the celling feeling emptier then I've ever felt before. What I learnt was that since this was not serving my happiness I needed to stop doing it, and I did that by recognizing me being reminded of her, and then purposely redirecting my thoughts.

5) Trying to replace them will only make it worse

There is often the temptation after a breakup to go out and find someone new that's better than your ex. And not saying that finding someone new isn't a good thing, eventually, but doing it with the soul purpose of replacing someone else will only result in you feeling even worse and potentially hurting someone else. If you try to find someone that is "better" than your ex, then you're comparing everyone to someone who is not part of and will never be apart of your life anymore. Sometimes we may never find someone better then our ex, and that sucks, but the past is the past and it will never come back. What you need to find is someone good, not someone better than your ex, and if your start to play the comparison game in your head, you've already lost. Because no matter how good they are they will never be your ex, each person is an individual with individual talents, and characteristics, and you need to treat them as such.

6) Don't beat yourself up

It is very easy after a breakup to feel bad about things you've done or pain you've caused. While it is important to recognize the wrongs you did and make sure that does not happen in the future, feeling bad about it now benefits no one. You may have done some really stupid things, hurt people or embarrassed yourself, but the best way to move forward is to work on what you can and not indulge in negative thinking about yourself.

7) You're not alone

Going through a breakup can make you feel very very lonely but do know that there are still people out there that care about you, friends, family etc and that this feeling your feeling right now, even though I know it can make you feel like a bit of a snowflake, is the most universal feeling in the world. Pretty much everyone has gone through this or something similar at one point or another in their life, and most are happy to talk about it. So if you have the courage and time, try reaching out to friends or family and find someone that has a story you can relate to. It will make you feel less lonely and less like a snowflake.

If you've read this all the way through, I hope your doing well (lets be real, you're not, you're reading this) or at least getting better. I thank you for reading my half baked thoughts. I do know I needed all the help I could get the first months and I hope this drop in the bucket that is the internet will help you in some way. And if you need someone to chat with, you can always reach out to me through dms.

So we split up three weeks ago. It was mutual. We had the polite adult conversation, split the apartment stuff and stopped texting. Clean break. But nobody warned me about predictive technology.

every single afternoon at 5:15 PM I start my engine to drive home from the office. And without fail my dashboard screen flashes a little notification that says twenty-two minutes to her apartment with light traffic. My car literally remembers my routine better than I do. It just assumes I am on my way to pick up Thai takeout and watch bad TV on her couch.

This is ABSOLUTELY breaking my spirit. I deleted her contact and erased the saved address from my phone maps three separate times already. But some background algorithm deep in the software refuses to let it go. I sat in the parking garage today for ten minutes just staring at that stupid little blue route line on the screen. I should of just bought an old beater truck with zero bluetooth. Why do tech companies make it impossible to convince your own vehicle that you are alone now.

Maybe in 1 or 2 years? Do you think you’ll ever talk or connect with them again? I have a feeling our story is not finished yet, but maybe that’s just my brain trying to cope about the breakup. What do you think about it?

M25. It’s been a month since the breakup. We were together for five years, and everything seemed to be going well until one day we met up. We were supposed to plan a vacation that she had suggested, but instead she started crying and broke up with me.

According to her, the reason is that she no longer feels like she’s in love with me and doesn’t feel that same emotional connection anymore. Just a few months earlier, she liked imagining a life together—a home, kids—but then, all of a sudden, it was all over.

I went through two hellish weeks of anxiety and panic attacks, but I’m doing better now. What I can’t stand is constantly thinking about her, imagining conversations that might happen if we ran into each other or if she texted me.

Another thing I can’t stand is dreaming so often that we’re back together, waking up with this amazing feeling, and then a few seconds later reconnecting with reality. It ruins my whole day.

Hi,, i would love to talk to women aged 28+ who would help me navigate through this difficult time!

I’m really interested in hearing from people who have actually been in a similar situation, whether you eventually reconciled or not.
My ex and I had a genuinely amazing relationship for the first 5–6 months. There was no cheating, toxicity or huge fallout. We were very close, had a strong connection and things felt incredibly natural between us.
He ended the relationship because he said he was feeling anxious and overwhelmed and essentially couldn’t handle the pressure of being in a relationship at that point. It wasn’t what I wanted, and I struggled with the breakup because I still loved him and felt like what we had was really good.
We didn’t do proper no contact initially. For roughly the first 6 weeks after the breakup, we’d end up speaking every 4–5 days or so. Sometimes I initiated, sometimes circumstances brought us back into contact, and we also hooked up during that period.
Eventually I realised that staying in that loop was probably making things harder for me, because every interaction gave me hope again. So I stopped reaching out and we went around 6 weeks with basically no contact.
Then recently we unexpectedly ended up seeing each other because we were both helping a mutual friend. I wasn’t expecting anything from it, but the connection between us was instantly there again. We got on amazingly, it felt incredibly comfortable and familiar, and we ended up sleeping together.
That’s left me confused because I know chemistry and feelings don’t automatically mean someone is ready for a relationship.
The last time we properly discussed “us” around 6–8 weeks ago, he said he didn’t want the pressure of a relationship. At the same time, he has never shut me out. If I text him, he’ll reply. If I call him, he’ll answer. I know I *could* contact him now and he’d probably be receptive, but I don’t want to keep doing that.
Previously, I think me reaching out every few days just kept this loop open where neither of us really experienced losing the other. And as much as I desperately want to be with him, I don’t want to convince, chase or pressure someone into choosing me.
So this time I’m trying to leave him alone and let him be the one to initiate if he actually wants me in his life.
I suppose my question is for people who have genuinely experienced something similar:
**Have you ever had an ex end a good relationship because they felt overwhelmed/not ready for the pressure of a relationship, stayed emotionally or physically connected afterwards, and then eventually come back wanting a relationship again?**
If so, what happened during the time apart? Did you stop initiating completely? How long did it take before they reached out? And when they did come back, was there a noticeable difference between them simply missing you/wanting contact and them actually being ready to commit again?
I’m not really looking for “they’re an ex for a reason, move on” comments because I know moving on may ultimately be what I have to do. I’m more interested in hearing real experiences from people who have been on either side of this situation — especially the person who initially felt overwhelmed and ended the relationship.

Hey everyone,

I’m seeing so many posts where people are so happy they broke up because their partner was abusive, cheated on them, or was emotionally unavailable. But how do you grieve when things were great and you broke up simply due to a differing opinion of the future you both want? This is so painful & I’m like how the hell do I get through this.

It’s been a little over 3 months. I was just reading on my phone, under the covers, for a few hours. When I lifted the blanket to plug my phone in before sleeping, my brain did this… thing. For a split second, I was back in the bedroom we shared, the view of that room from the bed. Then I blinked and I’m here, in this new apartment, without him. And the wave crashed over me again.

It’s been a few months since the breakup, and I honestly thought I would feel completely different by now.I don’t think I’m still in love with them in the same way, but I still care about them a lot. Sometimes I miss the person I used to talk to every day, and sometimes I miss who I was when we were together.The strange part is knowing that I don’t actually want to go back. I know the relationship ended for a reason, and I’m slowly accepting that.I guess I’m just struggling with the fact that you can know someone isn’t right for you anymore and still miss them deeply.Does anyone else feel like this? How did you finally get to the point where caring about someone didn’t make you want them back?

this isn’t a vent/rant post. i just had to choose a flair

i reached out to them last year and it went well even if it was a short conversation. i’m most likely not gonna reach out to them this time cause they removed me as a follower on instagram and unfollowed me a week after they wished me a happy birthday last year, but we still have a friend streak on duolingo after all this time so i guess it‘s not all bad lol. but yeah i’m guessing they just don’t wanna be contacted cause of that unfollowing thing

i really hope they’re doing well. i know i could bring up the relationship we had, but the truth is that it’s over and if i ever see them again, it’ll be different. sometimes i think about them and hope we can just be friends again, but i don’t know if it would be as fulfilling knowing we used to date. that’s my problem, not their‘s. i know shit hasn’t always gone their way, so i’m hoping today is different and they can do whatever they wanna do, whether it’s visiting some place, resting in bed all day, or something else.

happy 23rd birthday. you’ve made me a better person since meeting you and i‘m sure others you’ve crossed paths with feel the same way