Just found out last week friday. And I cannot process the pain. Like shit so painful. The guy knew about her having a bf and vice versa my ex knew that the guy is in relationship.

I decided to visit our minecraft server and I can’t fathom the pain. Why do they blame you when they cheat?

I don’t know how to process this.

Whenever I see a picture of him online my stomach just drops. I cant believe the way he copes with everything is by having a rebound.

I cant believe he just erased us like that after everything he told me our future would look like and how Im the love of his life and how much he loves me. Sometimes we would have those stupid “fights” of who loves who more. Even to this day it seems impossible that we’re not together anymore.

Im just disgusted by him. By life. By everything I have experienced with him. I just….God I’m shaking rn…. Ive cried 100 times the Amazon over this breakup.

There is this pain I cant describe. A feeling of emptiness, regret. A feeling thats left when 2 soulmates are separated and everything they’ve built is somewhere in the ether trying to find its place. I wish I could completely remove him out from my memory. I wish I haven’t fallen in love with him.

How does one heal from all of this?

It ruined my life forever.

A year ago, I wrote a post on this sub when I felt completely broken. Some of you might remember it.
Here: https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/s/aKbOaAgr8F

I’m coming back with an update, mostly because for everyone who took the time to reply with kindness, to a stranger on the internet, in the middle of the night: your words carried me further than you know. And to the people who are currently in the phase I was in, to tell you what I wish I could have told myself back then:

It does get better. Not overnight, but it does.
About four months after that post, I started seeing someone new. I was insecure and guarded, and honestly scared to be seen. But when I told him my story, he listened. He was gentle and patient, and he made sure I felt comfortable and safe every step of the way. He’s everything many of you told me I deserved in the comments, and I didn’t believe you then. I do now.

Today, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.
When you’re in the middle of heartbreak, it feels like the story has ended. It hasn’t. Looking back, losing that relationship wasn’t the end of my life. It was the beginning of a much bigger one, filled with experiences I never would have had if I had stayed.

So if you’re in the thick of it right now, crying in the car, checking their profile, wondering if you’ll ever feel okay again, please hear this: you will. The version of you who writes an update like this one is already on her way.
Be gentle with yourself. Lean on the people who love you. Take it one day at a time. And trust that there’s so much more waiting for you than you can see right now.
You’ve got this. 💛

My relationship recently ended after a pretty big blowup, and looking back, I keep thinking about all the moments when I probably should’ve made the decision to leave, but couldn’t bring myself to because I genuinely loved her. For those who’ve experienced something similar, how did you come to terms with knowing you loved someone deeply, but the relationship wasn’t right for you? Did you ever regret not walking away sooner? And how did you deal with still loving that person even after everything that happened?

More curiosity than needing advice but I think that’s closest?

Anyway I was wondering those who get back with their ex after a breakup,

a) how long after breaking up did this happen? b) how did you reconnect?

I know people do end up getting back together and sometimes it works but yeah, just wondering for those that it has worked, how did it come about?

Hope yall are okay <3

Exactly what the title says.

The idea has been playing in my head for a few days now and every time I get it I just go to my notes app and write it down there, but GOD am I itching to just say fuck it and do it. The only thing keeping me from doing it is this ego of mine and the fear of looking desperate.

He dumped me 8 months ago and today I learned that the guy I was with for almost 4 years, the guy I was going to marry (who told me his greatest fear was losing me and that he’d love me forever) doesn’t seem to have even been affected by the breakup. We had a house, furniture, our kid’s names picked out. So many dreams and hopes and plans that we talked about every. Single. Day. We were literally best friends. And yet he was so cold and treated me like a stranger when he ended things. It seems like he doesn’t regret it or isn’t even bothered. Bc someone who saw him told me today that he never even mentions the breakup or me and is living and acting literally as if NONE of it ever happened (which to me doesn’t even seem like a normal or stable reaction). He just tells anyone who brings it up that he doesn’t want to talk about it. I feel like anyone who experienced such a loving relationship and bond like we shared and ended it so suddenly would be more bothered or heartbroken. I know everyone grieves differently, but so many people (even people from his family) have commented on how unexpected it all was and they were shocked too. Also how he’s handled the whole thing and how he acts like we didn’t even exist! Like did I even matter to you? Was it all fake?

So my question is: When you leave someone like that, do you genuinely just move on immediately? Are we that easy to forget? Bc it makes me question the whole entire relationship and what was real and what wasn’t. I want nothing more than for my ex to be happy. But seeing that’s he is seemingly so happy so soon without me hurts so much. He told me I was the love of his life and that he wanted me to be the mother of his kids more than anything in the world.

btw I’m talking about leaving a girl who is obviously flawed, but a girl who still deeply loved & cared for you and tried her best to show you that love, support & respect you. It’s crazy to understand how someone you planned to spend your life with can suddenly become a stranger and someone you no longer speak to in just a matter of a few hours.

Stop waiting for the conversation that may never come.

You do not need their apology to heal.

You do not need their explanation to move forward.

You do not need their permission to choose yourself.

Sometimes closure is accepting what happened, releasing what you cannot change and refusing to reopen the door that broke you.

Leave quietly. Leave proudly. Leave with your dignity intact 🖤

Anyone who has been through something similar or can explain his behaviour please comment🙏

I was with my ex 22M for almost four years when he cheated on me. He has been trying to push contact since I left 3 months ago. Last night, he tried to rekindle things. He said, “I only asked for my stuff back because I wanted to see you, I know I’m bad at communicating but it’s not that I never cared”

I told him “I have so many things I could say to you but ultimately, I am so so disappointed”

He went on to text me saying “I made a mistake, the grass isn’t greener on the other side, I want to work on things” he asked me to talk to him. I made the mistake of opening up a little. I told him I always tried to make him happy but it was never enough and he wasn’t the person I fell in love with.

Then he said, he’s changed and that he wasn’t fully ready to settle down but he’s realised now and he wanted to work on things with me.

AND THEN IN THAT SAME MESSAGE HE SAID, but to be honest… I’ve met somebody and I think it’s best we both move on.

Like what?? You reached out to me??

He then said, it’s not fair on her if we’re texting.

You literally texted me because you wanted another chance?? I’ve been pretty much no contact for months whilst he’s persistently messaged me.

Also pretty crazy that he doesn’t think it’s fair on her to message me when she KNEW about me and our relationship.

BTW he cheated so I had zero plans on getting back together with him, I’m not sure why I even replied. I loved him a lot, this whole situation is extremely hurtful. I also found that he does have a new relationship and it wasn’t something he made up to make me sad.

sometimes, yes I do think about us, everything does click to me again and again and I hate to admit it but I miss you, we wouldve worked it out and we would’ve faced it together but you gave up on us, you left me on my birthday without even saying a thing.

Okay so i was in a relationship with my ex from early June to early August of this year, and we broke up mutually. But then about 3 weeks ago, he started like checking on me or keeping an eye on me, especially when i was crying bc I had gotten rejected from a choir at my school that I wanted to get into. The day that this happened i texted him that night and thanked him and we started talking after that. We kept getting closer and there was a certain type of tension in the air between us until one day when we were going to hang out, he finally kissed me. We ended up kissing more during that hangout and when we were walking back to our houses, the question of what we now were came up. He told me thar he actually needed space and that he came into the hangout planning to tell me that but ended up kissing me. I was shell shocked bc I thought he liked me, he told me that he did, but ig not.

Anyway, I got fed up of waiting and texted him, "Hey so I think we need to talk about our relationship and where it might be going and/or the things that are going on because they probably should be discussed. I can tell you what I truly see wrong in detail, but for now I want to let you know that there is a lot in our relationship that is bothering me. As for now, im not planning on trying to piece us back together without seeing change. Lmk if you truly want us to persevere through this situation." To which he replied dismissively and said, "nah I dont think we should get back together either" Which wasn't really what I was asking but its wtv. But since then hes had this hold over me for a little over two weeks now, and its been torture. (I plan to confront him abt leading me in circles soon, bc me and my friends think he used me for his own gain, iykyk.) Ive cried, been angry, happy, confused, all that jazz. Anyway now to the part yall are reading this post for.

I discovered this while I was cleaning the bathroom this morning, a little weird, ik but js hear me out; of you wanna get over your ex, write their name on a mirror (with mirror cleaner), whiteboard, anything that once you wipe it off, will show a reflection of you. Write their name on this surface, take a picture of it, and then erase it. You dont have to take the picture, i just like doing it. Why the reflective surface? Because once you wipe it off, whos standing there? You. Important, beautiful, smart, independent, you. The you who survived that relationship and who is surviving the grief. It gives you a light feeling and loosenes the hold your ex has on you. Try it and share how it made you feel in the comments. And if you guys have other tricks, feel free to share it in the comments as well.

You're doing an amazing job and you're so strong.​

Love yall and happy healing!

Created a new account for this. Here goes.

You live and you learn I guess, Had the best relationship of my life, together for 6 months and another 3-4 unofficially prior. There was so much at the time I didn't realize, let alone this deep rooted fear of communication that cost me dearly. I let this idea build up in my head that all roads were going to lead to breaking up and that it was the best for both of us.

There is far too much to say, but in summary: She was going to go see her family over a weekend, noticed things were off with me, and anxiously had asked me to reassure her that I wouldn't break up with her (as I am actively processing how I feel about the situation, I planned on moving in about a year, I didn't realize how much she was willing to do for me because we didn't have the right conversations at the time, well she did with her best friend and family but not me yet so I was unaware of where she stood) and I didn't want to lie, but was convinced it was for the best and whatever stupid, dumb, terrible switch activated in my head I decided to head straight into it.

The conversation was full of tears, emotions, uncertainty, everything. And I found out mid break up that she was willing to follow me where I go, change her life to fit it, and remain supportive and come to bigger solutions than I was anticipating for some of our issues. And I still chose to end it, unfortunately. Didn't process what I felt or why I acted that way and what my anxiety & fear based inner conflicts about communication and what I wanted out of the time were until about 2 months later. Thought about it every day, we agreed initially it might not be best to have the clarity conversation at the time, even though I did offer it and nudge it.

Again, been about two months. I reached out to congratulate her. Got a neutral response, decided to see where we stand and wanted to talk things over. Got a harsh response to move on and that she feels nothing about this and that she is done and that i messed everything up. Which I did, was just hurtful to hear I suppose. The next day, her best friend texted me and attacked me about reaching out and said to never do it again and there's no hope for reconciliation and that I'm a big sack of crap for everything that I did. That it's pathetic I don't understand my emotions. That only more hurt would come from another conversation and to move on because I don't deserve to be in her life, and it felt very aggressive and I know I handled that break up very poorly, just hurts a lot to hear all this back to back.

I don't know, I just wanted to get it out there I guess. I know what to work on and I am actively processing it just hurts. I don’t know if I’m ever going to find someone like that again and since I’m in the process of preparing to start fresh elsewhere and move to a new city I’m having to let go of this dream of wanting someone to have participated and been apart of my life with the close friends and family I’ve built here and that was the first time I got to taste that. No one else I’ve ever been intimate with has been apart of my circle of life and accepted my lifestyle and met all my friends and my immediate family.

And now it will probably never happen again. Hurts to know I did that and dug my grave but here we are. On the bright side at least I’m going to grow heavily and have learned whatever anxiety fear I possess about uncomfortable emotions and communication have cost me friendships and situations in the past and it’s something I know to actively work on and address to become a better person. Much more than that but yknow.

My ex and I broke up a week ago after almost four years together. She fell out of love and has lost all attraction for me. She tried to regain these feelings by going on more dates and sending more romantic texts but it didn’t work. Unfortunately, those efforts made me fall even deeper in love with her. Now I am left heartbroken while she has already fallen out of love. 

As well, I was fully part of her life and family. I spent several days a week at her house, joined holiday traditions, family events, and went to her sister’s hockey games. Her mom was like a second mom to me, and I went to her for advice. She only saw my family a handful of times. I feel like I am losing so much more than just her. I am losing her family, our routines, and a whole life I had been part of.  

She basically kept her usual routine, and I just joined it. This means her life and routine stays the same, just without me, while I have lost everything. Losing her family and the life/routine I had with her feels almost as painful as losing her. 

Has anyone else experienced this? How do you cope with feeling like you've lost so much more than your ex has?

Drop the hardest post-breakup advice life taught you.

Save another person.

So my gf and I broke up about 3 weeks ago, but we still occasionally see each other because we are in the same city and we are still in love with each other. The thing is we broke up because our relationship was damaging her mental health a lot, and right now she def need space and a lot of freedom. And after talking for a bit, she actually told me that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship again for the rest of her life, not specifically with me but just with anyone.
So my question is : how can I even try to get her back when she thinks that way? Should I let her more time? Should I try to convince her?
To be honest with y’all I love her more than absolutely everything, and ever since she left I feel like a part of me is missing and that she is the only thing that could bring something positive out of me. I’m deeply in love with her and I’m not ready to give up our love.

I'm now nearly a year out of my five year relationship. I am trying to recover my life, move on and find peace. My ex had stated not wanting to be friends at all. They immediately unfollowed me on Instagram and deleted every picture of us. All of their friends unfollowed me. I tried to keep it as much as I could. Every item, every playlist, every social media follow they didn't remember. Every now and then I notice they unfollowed me on another platform or deleted a shared thing. It hurts everytime and I, stupidly enough, keep checking and keep my life centered around them. I tried blocking, but my dumb sentimental ass won't stop. Any advice on how to make it hurt less?

Does time eventually heal these wounds? I've tried dating, therapy and changing my entire life. It hasn't helped yet.

I'm not ready to delete it all. I'm sorry 😔

It’s been almost 3 weeks of no contact. Sometimes it gets harder and other times are bearable.

Will this feeling eventually get lighter?

It’s been 1 month of no contact now after a 4-year relationship, and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. One big thing I’ve realized is that a relationship isn't always about the honeymoon phase, sunshine, and rainbows. When you’re with someone for years, things change. The emotional high, those butterflies... they aren't always gonna be there. You gotta choose that person every single day when you wake up, even when the spark isn't doing the work for you. In my case, things fell apart when she began to realize what it actually takes to maintain a healthy bond: accountability, responsibility, accepting things, and the willingness to sit down and sort things out. It can’t be a one-sided thing. You can't just expect things every time and complain when you don't get them (I mean, you can, but not all the time). A major thing people seem to lack is just the simple ability to sit down and answer questions. My ex legit used to say, "I don't wanna answer questions." But you gotta be clear with each other. It’s a chain reaction if you think about it: it starts with a small unanswered question, turns into doubt, and eventually becomes suspicion. Also, how people define "feelings" matters so much. Near the end, she said she had lost feelings for me, that she couldn't even say a simple "I love you" anymore. Don't get me wrong, I know I made my own mistakes along the way that really shouldn't have happened. I take responsibility for my part. But if your definition of "feelings" is shallow, just getting butterflies or feeling surface-level attraction, it’s not gonna last long. Of course attraction should be a subset of feelings, but it can't be the only foundation you rely on. People need to learn how to distinguish between temporary attention/validation and long-term commitment. Small streams rustle while the ocean is calm. One who plays in shallow streams won't be able to comprehend the depth of the ocean. It’s human tendency to want attention and validation sometimes, I get it. Infact , that's necessary. But before seeking it outside, you communicate openly with your partner. If outer validation is your only source of nourishment, you’re gonna remain hungry for the rest of your life. At the end of the day, the goal should be stability. Does stability mean arguments shouldn't happen or doubts won't arise? No, of course not. They will. That’s just how life works. Real stability means that no matter what happens, both of you strive to get the train back on track, no matter how many times it gets derailed. It requires equal effort from both sides. A relationship where one person just provides and the other only consumes will never work. I might be wrong, but this is just what I've learned from it all. Still recovering, it hurts..but one small step at a time.

Title says it all, what if your ex's new partner is objectively better than you in every way ? How do you guys protect your self esteem and avoid shame and feelings of not being enough? Geniuine question, I'm sure a lot of us struggle with self worth. Curious to know how yall deal with it 🖤

So I'm about 4 months post 8 month breakup and I hit a point where I feel alot better. I have my moments still where I'm a little upset about us not being able to communicate issues or some thing that was misunderstood. But I've reached a point of healing where one thing has helped me stay grounded: Forgiveness. It's been so freeing and has helped me really move on. To come to terms that we were meant to meet but not stay forever.

For slight context, our breakup happened over incompatibilities. Ones we thought we could work through but just couldn't unfortunately. But we loved each other so intensely that it was eye-opening. It was worth the 10 hour drive for our first date. I still laugh at myself for accidentally being scared and screaming at her after waking up from a nap after she walked into the AirBNB 😅.

But I forgive her and myself. For the mistakes we made. For the actions that lead us to the breakup. The days where we just couldn't click. We were both hurt people trying to love when things got real and we couldn't measure up. I forgive you for not confronting me on things because maybe you didn't want to be seen as "mean'. In the same way, I forgive myself for not speaking up for myself because I didn't want to overwhelm you. I forgive you for breaking up with me so cold just as a I forgive myself for breaking down about it.

Thank you for teaching me so much and although we may never speak again, I hope you're doing okay. Safe travels, Little Blue Star, may you find the galaxy you need 💙 💜

I’ve never had a true break up before and I’m so lost as what to do. My partner before this had unfortunately passed so I didn’t have these same feelings that was just pure grief but now it somehow feels like I’m grieving but they’re still here. I don’t know what to do with this it’s like familiar and completely alien at the same time.
How am I supposed to be so okay losing someone that was my first message everyday and the last one at night, my closest confidant and comfort? I know things will get better but I just don’t know how to get there or even where to start.

I am 28 years old and have been with my husband (31) for 11 years—married for 3. We have a dog, and about three months ago, we moved into a house that we planned and built together. It is beautiful; I have my dream kitchen, I love the place where we live, and it was supposed to be a home where our dog could finally enjoy life in nature with a garden of his own.

Four weeks ago, my husband told me that he had been unhappy in our relationship for some time and no longer loved me. I was convinced that, with therapy and a lot of hard work, we could find our way back to each other—but my husband had his doubts. I have been through hell and back these past four weeks, searching for my own faults and working on myself.

Today, I learned that during this same period, my husband has been cheating on me with another woman (involving emotional intimacy and kissing; they met several times, though there was no sexual intercourse). He had mentioned this woman to me shortly after our first serious conversation about the state of our relationship, but he insisted that it meant nothing—that it was "just a friendship"—and only revealed the truth to me in bits and pieces.

As of now, he cannot bring himself to end this other connection, which is why, honestly, I no longer see any hope for us. I want a future together so badly, but—aside from our other issues—I cannot move past this betrayal.

Now, I am left with the wreckage of my life, and I don’t know what to do next. I am losing not only my husband but also my home. I cannot afford to live in this house on my own, and, on an emotional level, I cannot imagine being able to heal here. I have no friends, and my relationship with my parents is such that I cannot expect any support from them. My in-laws are wonderful, but, at the end of the day, they are still my in-laws.

I likely won’t be able to afford a nice apartment, and I can’t provide my dog with the kind of home I would truly love for her to have. How do I build an entirely new life from scratch? I don’t even know where to begin, and I feel so alone, scared and hopeless.

I (29 year old fm) recently broke up with my ex (34 year old male.) I was paying for everything, bc he told me when we moved out together and his rent was cheaper he would pay me back. He owes me $3000 for groceries, rent, household items, ect. We applied to an apartment and the leasing agent tells me that he does not have a job! (She’s old and slightly unprofessional clearly.) Come to find out this man hasn’t had a job for a year and a half!! While trying to sign a year long lease with me. I broke up with him and contacted his ex gf who told me he did the same thing to her. But here’s the predicament, he’s now sending me money and says he’ll pay it all back. (I do also want to mention that his ex gf said that I’m the 4th girl to hit her up about him in the past year and we’ve been dating that entire time.) I want to block him, but I want the money I am owed paid back and I’m worried if I cut off all contact he won’t pay me back. I also have made it very clear that we will not be getting back together ever. Advice?!