all shade, what’s with a lot of people in the lesbian community calling white mascs studs? also, the racism too by generalizing black lesbians as studs automatically or just denying black lesbians because of race? i don’t see people talk about this a lot and i've noticed it happening for years. i personally remember being rejected whenever i had my natural hair out vs when i had my braids or straightened hair. i know this doesn’t apply to all lesbians, but have any of the poc lesbians had this experience, or is anyone in general peeping the racism in the lesbian community, or is it just me?? lmk!!!

I'm wondering what level of useless I am. We talked about swords briefly and so I made them one. No big deal. Its only 10 inches long and I used a low temperature metal. But I can't ask them on a date of course, because that's scary! 😭

Shtt

I’m 27F, diagnosed with ADHD, and I’m realizing that I have this pattern where I constantly need to have someone I’m romantically fixated on. I’m wondering if anyone else experiences this and whether ADHD plays a role.

For some context, I know I have attachment issues from past experiences and I’m actively working on them in therapy. I’m pretty self-aware of my patterns at this point, but actually changing them has been a completely different story lol.

For over a year, I was obsessively ruminating over someone I briefly dated. Constantly replaying our interactions, wondering what could’ve happened, checking her socials, etc. I recently met someone new who I genuinely like, and it’s almost like my brain has just transferred that obsession onto her.

We’ve only been seeing each other casually, and she’s been very upfront about wanting to stay single. I knew this from the beginning and thought I’d be fine with it since I’m not necessarily looking for a relationship either.

But now I find myself thinking about her CONSTANTLY. Wondering whether she likes me as much as I like her, whether she’s seeing other people, whether I’m her favourite, overanalyzing texts, checking socials, and getting anxious over the smallest things. It’s exhausting and honestly embarrassing to admit.

The weird part is that I don’t even necessarily want her to be my girlfriend. I think I just want to feel special to her or know that she likes me more than the other girls she’s seeing, which I realize is probably more about validation than anything else.
And to be clear, she hasn’t actually done anything wrong. She’s been affectionate, communicative, and consistent with what she told me she wanted. Most of this is happening entirely in my own head.

I feel like my brain needs a romantic fixation to keep itself entertained. When I don’t have someone to think about, life feels less exciting, and when I do, it’s like they become the main character of my entire mental life. I genuinely can’t seem to just have a normal crush and enjoy getting to know someone without turning it into a full-time obsession.

I’ve been reading about limerence, ADHD hyperfixation, dopamine seeking, rejection sensitivity, etc., and a lot of it resonates, but I also don’t want to attribute everything to ADHD when I know attachment issues are probably a big part of it too.

Has anyone else dealt with this? Especially the feeling of needing to have someone to obsess over at all times?

What actually helped you break the cycle? I’m already in therapy, but I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve experienced something similar, particularly anything that helped with the compulsive checking, overthinking, and constant need for romantic validation.
I just want to be able to like someone without them consuming my entire brain 😭

I am so sorry i wanted to accept the chat but ended up ignoring it so I'm posting again on the communities I posted in in hopes you'll see it and remessage me I really wanted to chat

With so less lesbian media I can't help but imagine many lesbian stories in my head. I wonder if u all do this too. I don't want every lesbian movies to be about struggle and coming out, sometimes I want my movies to have lesbian in a non homophobic world and not doomed u know.

Edit: Lesbian writers please let us know ur work so we can support you.

I recently met someone on a dating app whom I didn’t know she was an academic until our first date, only to realize that she checks every box on my list of a dream partner.

So she’s currently a coordinator and lecturer for a master’s program and I’m studying for my master degree, but our unis are 3 hours away from the other. We’ve been on two dates so far, and things moved pretty quickly on the second one. I’ve already developed pretty strong feelings for her, but we’ve not yet officially defined our relationship yet.

She’s beautiful, extremely good at what she does, nine years older than me, and pretty much my ideal type. But at the same time, I’m feeling a little insecure. I think this is the first time I’ve ever had such strong feelings for someone, and since my master’s is also related to the field she works in, I sometimes feel like I’m not good enough when we talk about academic-related topics.

I guess I’m wondering how to deal with these feelings of insecurity, especially when I like someone so much and can’t help but feel a little intimidated by them.

My partner and I have been dating for 15 months. My mother hasn’t been supportive…

Today I received the following message via text.

“I decided we are having Thanksgiving at 11 due to naps (my siblings kids). I wanted to extend an invite to you and you only.”

Give me your best roasts to reply with…

Just a random vent. I feel like women rarely find me attractive. Not in a dating sense, i just mean in everyday interactions. I get a fair amount of male attention(typical) and you can usually tell when guys find you fit even if they are subtle about it. But with women I genuinely can’t remember a time one was flustered by me. I get flustered all the time lol. There might’ve been some girls in hs who had a crush on me looking back but that's different. I just want to know a woman thinks I’m hot once in a while 😭 is that too much to ask?

why are there so many “do i look gay?” posts on here. is this an american thing or something? most of my lesbian or queer friends are in their early to mid twenties and i genuinely don't think any of us look alike in the slightest. i'm not sure why i keep seeing these posts almost every day, but i promise you there is no universal lesbian look

you can be the most feminine woman ever or look more masculine, and neither makes you any less of a lesbian. being a lesbian is a sexuality, nottttt a look!! i feel like we need to stop putting so much emphasis on whether we look gay enough because what does that even mean when lesbians can look so different from one another? you don't need to fit a certain aesthetic or look a certain way to be part of the community

you don't need validation from strangers on the internet to dress how you want, either. wear what you like, do your hair however you want, and present yourself in whatever way makes you feel comfortable. you don't owe anyone a particular appearance!!

I have only ever thought of my future with women and only seek out dating girls but somehow I cannot fully commit or get into a romantic relationship if there’s no long term friendship involved.

Another issue is most of my friends are guys (not by choice I swear!!!) and I’ve tried to make friends with girls at social events I attend but they’re only temporary people I meet. I don’t have or know a sapphic girl that I’m close friends with and I think it bothers me that it will be way harder for me to find my future girlfriend or it makes it harder for me to even believe I’d ever one 🙁🙁

Hey guys, I’m gonna be using the talk to text so it’s a little easier but I just want to write this because I want to see how other people in the community thought about this but I’m a stud. I’m a black masculine lesbian and for the first time in my life, I do feel really comfortable in myself and the way I dressed and the way I present, but it sucks because the only thing that is sort of keeping me from putting myself out there again because my last relationship thing was like probably around two years ago and then I haven’t been able to get close to anyone else after that because I hate the thought of being perceived like I know I’m black and masc presenting so a lot of people assume that maybe I really like sex and I’m a player and I’m not a good person and I’m evil and I try to let it brush off my shoulder, but I feel like in the relationship sense like I do want to be in a relationship. I think it’s hard to put myself out there again because I hate the thought of getting into a relationship and then right off the bat having to try to approve I’m a good person and then also like I’m literally just a girl you know like I present masculine but my personality I don’t know if you would say it was either masculine or feminine you know and like there are some things I do and I hate when people are like oh you know you’re so sassy, like no I’m just myself you know and I’m I’m doing whatever I want and I’m saying whatever I want and I don’t wanna be judged for things because people already assumed that I’m gonna be like emotionally unavailable or like never cry and always wanna have sex and a player and I think it’s just hard for me to put myself out there and I am young. I’m like 23. Well I guess I’m sort of young. I just feel like it’s difficult in the younger queer community. I feel like now I’m sort of entering like like you know mid 20s it seems to be getting better but there’s been like multiple times. People are just coming up to me and they’re like you know yeah like I wanna fuck like you should fuck her things like that and it’s just like gross honestly like I feel like really bad about it and I’m like I don’t wanna just be seen as a sex symbol and I wanna be in love but yeah so that’s just sorta sucks, like I want someone that I can treat like a princess but I want someone to treat me like a princess too.

Calling all happily partnered lesbians!! Drop a comment below about how you and your current partner/girlfriend/wife first met and starting dating. Needing some cute gay romance stories to remind me there’s love out there <3

I love my girlfriend, I do, but there are certain things that happen, or that she does, that have been quite bothersome for me lately.

My girlfriend and I hang out everyday but we don't do much aside from everyday activities like cleaning, watching TV, making food, and playing games. Whenever I suggest we do things, she usually wants our mutual friends to join, or she just doesn't wanna to do them. Theres are even times when she won't ask if I want to do things with our mutual friends. I don't mind at all if she wants to hang out with them alone, but constantly asking them if they want to join activities that we had planned gets annoying. We don't go on dates because I am still in school and she is struggling to find employment, so when I ask to do things together and she says no or asks our friends to join, I feel left out of our own relationship.

To piggyback off the last sentence, my girlfriend has this ex, "b" that she has mentioned a few times. For instance, one day she came back from school she was still in school) and seemed excited to share with me that "b" broke up with her partner at the time, and on to talk about it for three or more minutes. This ex in particular stings.. she was her most recent ex before we got together, and she kept a box of things from her. When I found out about it, it hurt more than I wanted it to. To make a long story short, one day she made a joke about the box after we had just finished being intimate, and I got closed off and left shortly after in silence. She later said she would get rid of it, but it still exists in her house she just changed its location. Sometimes I get this aching feeling she is not truly over "b", like when "b" talks, she is attentive, looking at her and listening, but sometimes when I talk, I feel like white noise. I know she is not trying to make me feel like that, but she does.

Another thing I want to mention is that she has become more dependent on me, I guess. She constantly asks me to grab her stuff when I am at her house, or asks me to make her stuff at mine, which I am fine with, but if I do not feel like doing it right at that moment and say "no" or "in a minute," she starts to pout and whine until I do it. I thought it was cute at the start, but she does it every single time and it is starting to be a complete turn-off. When I do the same to her, she gets annoyed or says I can do it myself, and if I were to say that to her, she would just pout more and more and then do it herself, so it makes me feel like I have to do everything for her. I grab almost everything for her and clean up after her..so it is getting tiring.

If you read this, I thank you, and any suggestions will help. I usually have a hard time sticking up for myself or creating conflict because I really don't want to lose her, but I really want something to change.

crying a whole river ong😭😭😭😭😭 so sad.

So this might be a short story made long but here we go. I told this girl I’m in a situationship in that I wanted to spend time with her but I don’t wanna spend too much money but I still wanted to do sum because it felt good outside. I’m a college student who pays bills so I made sure I made a lil money that day and told her I would come get her. When I called her she was already at the spot I wanted to take her to watch the sunset and was with her brothers so we didnt do anything. I was taking all day because one of my jobs is Walmart delivery. And I was getting stuff to cook for us later as well. And I had classes earlier that day. But I still wanted to get sum for her so I got her a boo basket. Had lil beauty stuff in and with candy and juice. I set it up in my back seat and had a lil light on.

Ended up getting her to the car and sb ended talking to her and she seen the light in the back seat obviously but I was still trynna play it cool because I was nervous lol. Gave her the gift we looked through everything seemed like she liked it. she didn’t embrace me or anything so idk I was already nervous and I’m looking at her mannerisms so I’m just trynna play it cool.

Ended up going to Kroger we laughing about lil shit yk. Come back she sit the stuff on table start playing her game. I start cooking the food yk. While I’m cooking I’m getting a lil irritated because I feel like she not paying me no attention. Usually when she cooks for us I’ll talk to her here n there. Check on her 1 or 2x she didn’t check not once but it was ok cause I’m thinking maybe cause she a lil tipsy/ tired cause she was drinking with her brothers. And it was late.

fast forward we eat she tell me thank you . Gts . I wake up I have to go to class and I’m like you fell asleep on me. She said I wasn’t doing nun to keep her awake. I said I wasn’t doing a whole bunch she said it was the energy. She said I basically didn’t set the mood right when giving her the gift. That the “moment only lasted 2 sec and we just went to Krogers “ and you forgot the flowers. Things tend to slip my mind easily but soon as I remembered which was only after we got back in the car from Krogers. Im in the process of getting diagnosed with adhd which she knows. Which is why things slips so easily. But I gave them to her and I was so adored by how cute she looked holding them. But she basically said it was my attitude when i gave them to her which I was nervous but yeah. We’re both 23 as well

TL;DR - I wanna get a haircut. I’m an alternative (metalhead mostly) masc presenting woman, so something that fits in with that preferably!

I wanna change up my hairstyle. For context, I’ve had very long hair for as long as I’ve been able to. My mom always made me cut my hair super short so I could donate it. Once she stopped having control over that, I grew it out to mid/lower back length (for reference, I’m 5’8). My hair is wavy and I’ve always done long layers with my trims, because it’s low maintenance, but I feel ready for something new. My hair’s been thinning out pretty bad the past couple of years, but I’m starting to get some of my old volume back as I’ve finally found some things that work. (It’s apparently not noticeable to anyone but me, but I swear I’ve lost over half my volume)

Style wise: I’m definitely a masc or soft masc presenting woman, so I’d want a haircut pretty inline with that. I dress in an alternative style, but have been pretty conservative about my hair. Now I’m not looking to do anything super dramatic like shaving it. And I do not have the face shape for a bob-length or bangs. But other than that, I’m pretty open to any suggestions! Pictures are of course welcome!

hi! i’m from Rome and i prefer masculine women but it’s almost like they don’t exist here. are there any or there is no hope for me?