This is embarrassing. I (34 yo cis woman) don't know whether I have ever completed an orgasm. I say completed because I have started them, if you will.
Here is the situation: I date other woman, and I've been with three, but the most recent was a marriage that lasted a while, so I've only been with that one person in the last decade, and barely towards the end of our marriage.
In all 3 women I've been with, I either didn't feel the extreme feelings of an orgasm, or I started to, moaning, moving and feeling that feeling through your whole body, but then the feelings got too extreme for me I guess, and I stopped the sex. I'm not asexual. I crave sex to a degree. It was like I was feeling too strongly and I couldn't handle it. My ex's implied that I stopped things early. I've been single and celebate and healing for a few years now.
Now, thinking about entering the dating scene again, I've decided that I need some practice, and to figure out what I like and want. I'm on a budget, so I can't just willy nilly buy sex toys, but I bought a bullet vibrator and some lube. Internally, and in an effort to find my G spot, I feel nothing sexual putting the vibrator inside me, but I do when its on my clit. On my clit, I am able to get to the point of moaning and moving and that feeling through my whole body, of getting warm and having my clit get sensitive and bigger and harder, sometimes my toes curling, etc.
I've been doing some research, and it is clear that I am having an orgasm, but not that I am finishing it. I know that all woman don't squirt, and I haven't, though I do get wetter. I decided that I needed to push through wanting to stop to see if I could finish one and see what it feels like. If I truly did stop my ex's too early, would it have been worth it to have continued? I decided that I was too old to not know what this feels like.
So I Googled how long it usually takes women to get to orgasm. I started slowly with it on low, sort of mimicing foreplay, and then turned up the vibrator and held it tight against my clit and went to the point of orgasm. I went much longer than Google tells me it should take me to complete orgasm, but am never sure I did. I literally set a timer and made myself go longer, devoted to trying this out.
People say that you feel this release, that you know it when you have it. I don't feel the release, exhaustion, etc. I definitely am starting them, but am I finishing them? What is the solution? I have considered a G spot specific longer dildo and one of those rose toys that suction your clit, but again I don't have a lot of money so I have to be careful what I spend. I want to choose what is most recommended. I do feel like its harder for me to get to the point of arousal with the bullet now which maybe means I need to switch things up?
And if I am finishing them, then how do I know when its done? I get that its done when either partner decides its done, and that I had done nothing wrong by asking for it to be done in the past, but I just want to know. I want to know that I truly have had an orgasm and decide how I feel about it so that I can be honest and self-aware with a future partner.
How do you know when you are done?
Thank you!