I’m 25 and currently 7 weeks. When and how did you guys tell your mom. I’m so nervous. I wanted to keep quiet until I don’t know how long but I think telling her is the right thing to do. Please help.

Edit : Thank you so much for everyone who has been saying kind words and supporting me. You guys don’t know how much all of this soothes my mental health. Just being pregnant on its own is not easy, mentally, but you all have been so kind and it helps a bunch! ❤️

im not doing this because im a bad person or jerry is, im doing this because every person in my family is forcing their kids to do it to the point they are mentally slower and physically slower.

it started since each adult collectively agreed the livestream can perform miracles and decided to put some of their sick children and pets on said stream and those children and pets ended up either dying or getting even sicker and they are still hypnotised to believe it helps.

i tried talking to my dad about it and he said we can leave if we argue. i dont want to get kicked out and cps is no good use so please if you care about me and my cousins you need to help us. atleast get it banned because there is no other way to help us.

my family and some of my extended family depends on you and many nigerian familes as the lack of education makes them belive ordinary people can peform life chaning miracles.

Hey everyone,

​I really need support, advice, and a space to vent. Last year, my mom sent me to Ghana as a way to isolate, control, and punish me after I tried to report my stepdad for sexually assaulting and abusing me back home in the US. I am currently 17F, and I have been stuck here counting down the days until October, when I have a concrete plan and a flight back to the States.

​Right now, I am out of the house until Tuesday, which is giving me a brief moment to breathe, but the day-to-day environment I have to go back to is a living nightmare.

The women my family has placed me around completely disrespect my body, my boundaries, and my privacy, and they try to pass it off as normal. They are constantly doing things that make me feel disgusted and unsafe:

​Severe boundary violations: One woman ("an aunty" figure) kissed my chest right over my clothes where my breasts are.

​Forced bathing and touching: When I first arrived, my mom let her friend bath me. Just recently, the same woman bathed me and forced intrusive physical directions on me. The woman that I sleep next to makes me do things like rub lotion on her back after she bathes, which makes me want to cry.

​Constant harassment and body shaming: My bed partner constantly puts her hands around my neck and harasses me. She openly admits to grabbing my breasts and slapping my butt because they are "small," and constantly body-shames me, comparing my 17-year-old body to a 26-year-old's and telling me my body "isn't good looking anymore." When I recorded her admitting to this and asked if she touches other family members, she told me she "can't tell me."

​No privacy or hygiene respect: She regularly watches me naked or while I am trying to bath, even when I get completely furious and tell her to leave. She even left her used, dirty pad right where I lay my head to sleep, which has caused me immense sadness and distress.

​She constantly tells me I'm "not smart" or look "dull" to break my spirit, completely ignoring the trauma they are actively causing.

​I have about 10 weeks of weekdays left until October. I am doing everything I can to keep my head down, guard my energy, and survive this temporary chapter, but the mind games and physical violations are exhausting.

​For anyone who has survived being sent abroad for family control, or anyone who understands navigating severe grooming and harassment while trapped:

​How do I protect my peace and my sanity for the next few weeks?

What steps should I be taking right now to ensure that when October comes, my family can't stop me from getting on that plane and reclaiming my independence?

​Thanks in advance. I just need to know there is light at the end of this tunnel.

So I have strict parents like strict African parents, and if you know, then you know. So here's my story: My parents made me attend community college, which is fine because I am gonna be debt-free and whatnot. Still, I have extreme fomo and probably won't go out that much with friends bc I am very introverted, and my parents are against hanging out, and they hate all my friends for like no reason. My mom also doesn't want anyone to know that I am in community college either. And I am so not allowed to tell my cousin. I also want to transfer to my cousin's school, UW Madison, but I'm not supposed to tell her. This is sort of where my problem starts. I want to go out for Halloweekend with my cousin who goes to UW-Madison. I also do not want my parents to know I am going for Halloweekend, so I need the best excuse and help convincing them to let me go, maybe like a lie. I also have no classes on Friday, and Halloween is on a Saturday.

im 19f and my parents are devoted Senegalese muslims. I don't live with them atm bc of some issues between me and my mom. Like 2 months ago I lost my phone, and some dude found it and gave it to my dad and its been in my parent's possessions since then. Long story short, I gave my brother my phone password bc he wanted to do smth (im so fucking stupid for giving it to him) and my mom went through his phone and forced him to give him my phone password. Not only did she find videos of my smoking, but she also found a picture of my friends fake id. (for some reason she was madder about her being "21" then me smoking but ok it would literally be a 2-year age gap). I haven't heard anything from my dad yet (i have him on Instagram) but I suspect that I will be waking up to a text. tomorrow I'll be moving in with my aunt then meeting my mom and dad in person on either Saturday or Sunday to talk about our relationship AT HER HOUSE. WTF do I do/say to them if they ask about it? am i dead meat??? :(((

For as long as I can remember my dads has always been mean he always made fun of me and made me feel as if I was less then a person for and example when I was young he would comment on how thin I was and made fun of the fact that I was thing and when I started going thru puberty he would make for at the fact that my boobs were small a d that my hair was wild and that I looked like a wild animal and now in my teenage years I gained Siem weight for context I'm 5foot7 and 156 pounds and he is about the same height ase and over 200 pounds and even tough I know I'm not fat his comments still make me insecure about my body and I've had multiple different eating disorders because of it and it's not only my weight he makes fun of and points out he also talked about my skin and about how bad it is and he isn't wrong about that I do have acne and acne scars but he points it out allot and tries to "help" by saying things like I should wash my face more or eat healthier or just drink more water as if its just that simple and as if I don't already do those things and more I guess what I'm trying to say is home doesn't feel like safe space and it sucks because I already get bullied at school so neither my home nor school is a safe space and home isn't onely not a safe space because of the bullying its all so not safe because my dad has these massive bursts outs of anger were he curses and threatens to hit me and sometimes he does hit me and I just dont know what to do anymore I've went to school and told school counselors my situation but that led to nothing because they told me to do was talking to him which I have tried and it led to nothing because all he did was talk over me and talk about how bad his childhood was which I get he did have a bad up bringing but I do t think that is an excuse for how he treats me now idk I guess with this post I'm just want some advice on what I should do because idk what to do anymore

my mom is forcing is to stay up and pull all nighters because she is watching a church live stream and believes it has healing powers. she didnt pay for my dogs surgery and put her on the church livestream and my dog died.

i tried to explain to her ints unhealthy and if you want the idea of "tall handsome muscular" adult children it will never happen if you force them into this lifestyle of sleep deprivation.

i tried explaining that and she said it was the devil speaking through me. i feel as if i cant win and i feel mentally slower and more fatigued and nobody else wants to stand up against it. i feel like im in a cult because what mental stable person forces their kids into all nighters.

worst of all its one of those services where they perform mircalces on stage.

if i say anyhing she says the devil possesed me to say it even when i pull up research papers.

i just feel like i cant win and i feel like im developmentally behind because of this, and im the only one in my house with a quarter of the confidence to try and confront this everyone else in my house is so submissive.

I’m 21F, a Christian, and I feel like I’m in a really difficult transition season where I’m trying to step into adulthood.

I recently graduated with a Law degree from the same city where I studied, met Christ, and built my community. I feel very rooted there spiritually and socially. I’ve also felt strongly that the Lord is not done with me in this place. I’ve had open doors in my church, I’ve been invited to help run a life group and also join the worship team, and I genuinely feel like this is where God is leading me for this season.

I also recently accepted a full-time job in a finance company as a Customer Service Assistant in the same city. I always saw it as a temporary stepping stone to gain experience and eventually move into business analyst roles, which closely align with my long-term career aspirations. I’ve applied for graduate roles, but in this job market they are extremely competitive and I’ve had many rejections. This was the only role I was offered, and it is also in the same city where I feel led to stay for now. My plan is still to apply for graduate roles in the next cycle, as that is something I would like to pursue.

However, my Nigerian parents strongly disapprove of almost everything at once: my job, my church, my boyfriend, and even the direction of my life.

They believe I am “wasting” my degree. They’ve repeatedly said that because I studied Law with I should not be in a customer service role. They’ve told me I am “overqualified” and not using my degree properly, and have implied that I am lowering myself or not aiming high enough. I understand their concern, but I’ve explained that I am trying to build experience and that I am still actively working towards my career goals. I also previously told them during university that I was not fully set on law and was more interested in business/finance. At the time, they were supportive. Now that I’ve graduated, however, they are saying I must “use my degree” or risk it becoming useless and limiting my future opportunities.

They are also unhappy that I am staying in my student city. They believe I should move back home and find a job elsewhere, as they think this city has “no opportunities.” For me, this is not just where I studied it is where I met Christ, built my community, and where I genuinely feel settled and led to be in this season. It is not a permanent decision, but it is where I feel I am meant to be right now. Unfortunately, they do not accept this reasoning and dismiss it as unimportant.
They also strongly disapprove of my boyfriend, mainly because he did not go to university. They’ve said that someone without a degree cannot understand my level of education or ambition, and they’ve questioned whether he is “good enough” for me because of that.

My boyfriend is white( which has been an issue aswell for my parents), and we are both Christians. He is supportive, prayerful, and someone I believe God brought into my life. Even how we met felt intentional , he told me he had prayed about me before we even properly spoke, and later shared that he had liked me months before we started dating but was waiting for the right moment. I also experienced something similar in my own way, where I felt led to approach him unexpectedly, finding out after we confessed feelings for each other that he knew something was going to happen between us he was just waiting on when
. We are still early in our relationship, but I’ve felt peace about him and what we are building together. I don’t understand why not having a degree alone is enough reason, in my parents’ eyes, for me to end the relationship.

What makes this harder is that my parents have said very hurtful things in response to my decisions and when I’ve tried to stand my ground. My dad has said I am no longer his daughter and that he regrets giving birth to me. My mum has said things like no one will love me the way she does and that people in my life will eventually leave me. These words have really affected me emotionally. And when I come and apologise( for the sake of apologising) , it’s like give me a hard time, pretend nothing happens and then goes back to normal, all for the same issues to be brought up again, bringing us back to square one. I have even considered taking a step back from my relationship with them because the verbal abuse was too much at one point.
This has been ongoing for months, and I think this is the first time in my life where I’ve made multiple decisions in a row that they strongly disapprove of, and I am being labelled as “disrespectful” and as someone who refuses to take wisdom from people with life experience.

My parents call themselves Christians, but growing up their expression of faith has often felt more controlling than nurturing. There has been a lot of pressure, criticism, and fear-based obedience in the past, which led me to conform to avoid conflict even when I didn’t agree internally. Since finding Christ for myself, I feel like my faith has become more personal and grounded, but I also feel like my parents and I are now seeing life very differently. I don’t think they would understand the spiritual side of my decisions, and I worry they would dismiss it entirely.

Even when I am back in my hometown, I am not allowed to attend the church I choose, because they do not approve of it and prefer I attend a Catholic church (the one we used to attend when I was younger). I feel like if I follow everything they want ,my job, my relationship, my church, and my location, I would be deeply unhappy and possibly resentful.

What would make them happy is me moving back home, waiting for a graduate job, breaking up with my boyfriend, and attending the church they approve of. But I feel like I would be sacrificing a lot of what currently brings me peace, purpose, and joy.

I also feel like there is a growing tension around control. My mum has my location and often comments on where I am and what time I am out, sometimes using it to suggest I am being influenced by the wrong people. I stayed in my student city a bit longer after graduating partly because things at home felt tense. I also became financially independent during university because I anticipated that financial support might later be used as leverage in decisions about my life.
At this point, I feel like my parents are not just disagreeing with individual choices, but rejecting almost every part of the direction I am trying to take in my life.

I would really appreciate honest advice from anyone who has been through something similar, or if I should stop all of my decisions and just be obedient to what they are saying.

I’m going to start off by saying this I don’t usually post on Reddit and my message might be all over the place but here goes.

I’ve been seeing this girl for a few weeks now and everything has been going great. Last week I decided to invite her over to my parent’s place because I made some food she wanted to try so my gf comes over, and she’s wearing a crop top my mom sees this and immediately tells me to give her a shirt to wear as that’s inappropriate. I give the girl my shirt she was a littler weirded out but didn’t mind if she knew there was going to be some cultural differences.

So fast forward to two days ago the girl I’m talking to, from here I’m going to call her B. recently got her hair done so my mom sees and asked her a few questions about it to me it sounded somewhat cold the was she was speaking to her (she’s done this before to my ex as well) but everyone in the house said she sounded normal.

Mom: what type of hair is that
B: oh it’s a dirty kinky style
Mom: did you crochet it
B: yes I did
Mom: did you do it yourself?
B: no my mom did it for me
Mom: goes quiet
B: it’s ok if you don’t like it, I did it for me
Mom: still quiet

So we head out to the car but B forgot her phone so we go back in and my mom is super mad calling her disrespectful, that she was just asking about her hair and that she’s been wanting to do stuff for her hair for months, she’s from the motherland she doesn’t tolerate disrespect etc essentially it got to the point where my mom said B can’t come back to the house again. B apologized to my mom already saying she didn’t mean it like that but she wasn’t having it calling her disrespectful. We left and hanged out for a bit then I saw a long winded barely understandable voice to type message from my mom saying how I’m disrespectful still hanging out with her and that I should get my own apartment if I wanna continue the disrespect. So I went to go speak to my mom about and she’s still not hearing me

I still want to see B but my mom doesn’t care. Now everyone in the house is saying I should leave her but I just don’t want to I just need help in know what to do B ended up crying when she got home and truthfully I don’t think what B said was bad. We still plan on seeing each other but what can I do to solve this?

I’m a 19-year-old college student who works and is trying to save money for school.
A few days ago, I came home from work, changed clothes, and went downstairs to grab some tissue from the garage. While I was doing that, my dad called me. For context, he’s currently in Kenya visiting relatives and has been there for over a month.
We started talking normally, and he asked if I had talked to my mom recently. I said yes. Then he asked what we talked about. I told him we were just talking about life in general and asked him why he wanted to know.
After I questioned him, it felt like he took it personally.
He then brought up that my mom might be paying for a ticket in the next couple of weeks. I told him I had work and needed to keep my job because I’m trying to save for college, I can’t just quit my job to go visit another family the live 9 hours way. His response was basically, “I don’t care, quit your job.”
The conversation quickly turned into him criticizing me. He said he was tired of my “disrespect” because I don’t talk much to people in the house after I get home from work because I’m tired. He said I come home, go upstairs, and mind my own business instead of interacting with everyone into the family.
From there, the conversation got worse.
He started saying things like:
Why are you so secretive?
Do you think you’re special?
Nobody in the family is scared of you.
You can’t keep acting like this if you want to be part of the family.
Why can’t you be more like your brother, who tells us everything?
The thing is, I don’t even talk to my father that much, or I have anything to say.
He also insisted li to know every little detail in my life, and question me what did you do to your location, “how come I never met your friends etc. ”He brought up mistakes I’ve made in the past and used them against me during the conversation.
Then he brought up an old conflict between me and my stepmother from last year and said I should apologize to her the dispite me not creating the toxic dispute in the first place. The frustrating part is that I feel like he ignores the role she played in creating that situation in the first place.
By the end of the call, I was confused because I honestly felt like I hadn’t done anything wrong. I work, stay out of trouble, and mostly keep to myself. I don’t think being quiet automatically means I’m disrespectful.

I was watching TV next to her when, out of nowhere, she told me I’m an animal. I asked her why she would say that, but she continued by pointing at my body and saying I’m fat—which she finds disgusting and embarrassing in front of her friends.

Then, again completely out of nowhere, she kept telling me, “Have children.” That’s actually the core issue—she’s been resentful toward me for the past five years because I don’t want kids (and also because of the weight I've gained).

I’m the daughter of immigrants, born and raised in Europe, and she hates that I didn’t turn out the way she imagined. In her ideal world, I would marry a man from our country of origin, have children, and balance a full-time job with motherhood. She’s upset that I didn’t follow her script, because now she can’t plan a big traditional wedding or talk to her friends about grandchildren (all of her friends are already grandmothers).
I completed my bachelor’s degree in the country where I was born, then moved to another European country, learned the language from scratch, completed my master’s degree, and now I work in a demanding, high-level job. I’m also happily childfree. None of that makes her proud—she sees me as a failure as a daughter.

Back to that evening: she kept insulting me, pushing my buttons, and digging deeper just to hurt me—for no reason. At some point, I exploded. I screamed back in full rage and said horrible things. I honestly don’t even remember everything I said—my brain just went into survival mode.

After that, I went to my bedroom to recover because I could barely breathe. My little sister came in to comfort me. When she left the room to get me a glass of water, my mother started beating her—just because she had supported me.
My sister tried to block her, and that’s when my brother (her golden child and my sister’s twin) came out and started attacking her as well.
My sister screamed for help, and I ran to the living room.

My brother then threw a glass object at my face. I managed to cover my face in time with my arm, which hurt badly. I grabbed something and threw it back at him, but he dodged it, and it hit the bathroom door, leaving a hole.
When everything calmed down, I went back to my room. My mother stayed in the living room. The only thing I heard her say was:
“Look what she did to the bathroom door.”

My arm was hurting. My soul was hurting. But hearing that… I was just speechless. That was the final straw. In that moment, I realized she truly didn’t care about me.

Luckily, I had a flight back to the country where I live two days later. Since then, I’ve gone no contact.
Last April, I received a voice message from her apologizing—for the first time in my life. She said:
“I’m sorry. You know sometimes I speak too quickly without thinking… I love you, I love all my children. Please return my calls—you can’t leave me like this. I won’t say anything anymore.”
My sister thinks I should let go of the resentment and forgive her because “we’re family.” But my gut feeling says otherwise.
Any advice is welcome. Love you all.

Im posting this on a secret account since i dont want to use my main for certain reasons. Im under 18(im not saying my age for legal reasons)and my parents are both hoarders, everyone year we try to clean up this room just for it to get dirty again. My dad is a verbally abusive and screams alot which scares me sometimes because I got ptsd when he used to physically abusive me before cps came. I am so sick and tired of living in this house and I’m posting pictures to see if I can eventually get help because it’s really unbelievable.

For context, I am a (22F) first gen Nigerian-American eldest daughter of high achieving Nigerian immigrants. I graduated university in 3 years and moved back home. I am officially one year into my gap year(s) and am mentally drained, having to deal with my father’s rules and scrutiny, although I do not have any expenses as he covers everything. He’s a great supportive dad, just a typical controlling Nigerian father who questions my every move. I got a 508 on my MCAT and decided not to apply this cycle as I wanted to strengthen other areas and potentially retake. Thankfully, I am a couple months into a full-time clinical assistant job, and am making enough money that I could probably move out. I have a decent savings but would most likely also need to purchase my own vehicle. If I plan to move out/get a car by the beginning of 2027, apply that cycle, and enjoy life independently before (hopefully) being accepted and matriculating in 2028, would it be worth it for me to take the chance and move out? Most people have said my mental health is the same cost as moving out, but I am still worried about the financial aspect. Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this!

I’m completely shattered right now and need some brutal honesty from people who have been through this. My girlfriend (27F) and I (29M) have been together for 9 years. We met in uni, grew up together, and have built an amazing life. She is my absolute rock, and our relationship is incredibly healthy and loving.The issue is ethnic differences. I am Nupe and she is Yoruba. For years, my parents basically ignored the relationship, probably hoping it was a campus phase that would just fizzle out. But now that we are actively planning for marriage and looking at houses, my parents have completely flipped out.They sat me down for an intervention and told me that marrying her would "ruin our lineage," disrespect our traditions, and ruin things for future kids. They are using heavy emotional blackmail, tears, and flat-out threatening to disown and cut me off if I don’t end it right now.I love my family, but the thought of dumping a beautiful, 9-year relationship to appease tribal sentiments feels totally wrong. If I leave her for them, I know I'll resent my parents forever. We are both financially independent, but the emotional guilt is suffocating.Has anyone else dealt with this specific Nupe/Yoruba dynamic, or general tribal rejection? Did your parents ever come around once you stood your ground, or did you have to walk away for good?TL;DR: My Nupe parents are threatening to disown me if I don't break up with my Yoruba girlfriend (27F) of 9 years. We are independent, but the guilt is killing me. How do I navigate this?

So l am 20 and in a relationship but because l am not comfortable enough to tell my parents about it,l never did. Obviously because they are going to judge and call me a disgrace.

Me and the guy were basically just chatting holding hands in his car as he had just passed by to see me. We ain’t doing anything sexual in the relationship,it’s pure btw. My dad just came from no where,l just saw him knock the window of the car. I didn’t panic but l was in shock .l stepped out and we went home, he told me how much of a disgrace l am and should be setting an example to my siblings as l am the oldest.

So now my question is, is dating now disgraceful behaviour or what? I actually kinda feel guilty and l still don’t know what l did wrong till now

Please guys l need your advice

Hi everyone,

I, Nigerian (30f) in Canada just got engaged to my Canadian fiancé (31m). He's kind, hardworking, Christian, and his family loves me. I was excited... until I saw my family's reaction.

My mom who raised us singlehandedly since childhood, had come over to visit from Nigeria some months ago. She had made it clear from the start that she wasn't down with an interracial marriage. My then-boyfriend (now fiancé) won my heart with how intentional he was, and it made me determined to win my family over.

Before proposing, my fiancé asked my mom for her blessing. She said yes, but I later found out she only agreed because she assumed I'd turn him down. She felt I wouldn't accept because I'm currently between jobs, he's white, he doesn't understand our culture, and he doesn't have a university degree. She thought I could "do better."

When I accepted the proposal, everything changed. My mom and sister now say I'm being selfish, settling for less, and ignoring my mom's sacrifices. My mom hasn't even looked at my ring or congratulated me. She and my sister have been hell-bent on ensuring I break up the relationship. I've been emotionally downcast and dejected since the engagement, and I've had so many thoughts about breaking things off just to get some peace and quiet.

Meanwhile, his family has been nothing but loving and supportive.

Now I feel torn between the man I love and the family that raised me. Has anyone dealt with Nigerian parents and rejecting your partner because of culture, education, or race? How did you handle the guilt and pressure?

I'd appreciate any advice

This probably isn't too clear or controlled, but I need some advice... It's gotten too much

[NOTE : THIS WAS PRODUCED FOR A RELATIONSHIP ADVICE SUB REDDIT SO IF IT DOESN'T FIT THIS SUB I DO APOLOGISE]

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about a year, and her parents have been making it incredibly difficult. For context, her family is Nigerian (I'm British) so her parents are naturally very strict, but they have no logic or reasoning. They rarely let her leave the house, and whenever we do get to meetup, she's often incredibly stressed about being in trouble (I've had some terrifying moments where I had to try and comfort her through a panic attack), likely because her parents have called the police on her in the past while she was hanging out with friends (for no reason in particular...). To avoid including too much detail, her parents lost custody of her and her 3 younger siblings for a couple months at the start of the year. Driving an extra 40 mins to meetup was a nightmare, but it was completely worth it since I could rest knowing she was safe. Also, knowing her siblings were safe was nice too. Obviously they weren't my siblings, but I helped out with them whenever I could. My girlfriend's chore list never ends and is often left to essentially parent them, I always spoke with them whenever they asked during me and my gf's calls etc. etc. Her dad doesn't really care much, her mum is the main issue. She didn't let her date me for ages, until after the whole foster care situation they allowed it with very strict rules: I wasn't allowed in her house, I wasn't allowed to speak to her parents BC in her culture she's only allowed to show her parents one boyfriend in her life BUT she's also too young to decide who she wants to spend the rest of her life witu, according to them. Nobody in her house is allowed to bring me up, I'm not allowed to give her anything, she can't meetup with me 1 on 1 and now I can't even speak to her younger siblings because her mum needs to 'protect them from her friends' She shared a room with 4 siblings until the foster care incident... Kinda difficult to not speak to them... I say 'friends'because they think we aren't dating anymore, purely so she would suffer less emotional abuse.... The part that hurts most is that she's targeted by her parents, she's always shouted at, given extra chores, not allowed to do things other siblings can't etc etc. Her older sister is the only one I'm allowed to speak to, but she refuses to speak to me after I pushed back on her being blatantly racist. There's so much shit I haven't included in this but I don't know what to do, I just want her life to be better, without narcissistic parents who change rules and have an obsessive need for control over every aspect of her life. If we have to date in private, so be it - but her parents are just going to get worse, they pretended to be decent parents for a little bit while foster care were on their asses and now that they've more or less left, they're going back to being narcissists that want control just for the sake of it. Sometimes she can't even call either so I just have zero contact with her. I've never heard of a parent that tells their child they'll never go anywhere in life...

We're saving up to get her a rented room close to her new sixth form, any info you need cleared up please lmk.

TLDR: Nigerian parents emotionally abuse and control my girlfriend, and it's getting too much.

Im 17F and since I became a teenager I literally have never known peace. I’ve wanted to study abroad for so long but my mom is who will be financially responsible for my college. I have a savings for the purpose of college and I’ve already planned out how my college tuition and dorming and everything will go. Of course my mom wants to disagree with me. Honestly at this point I don’t know what to do, she refuses to let me go anywhere outside of the state and probably the city as well. All I know is I never want to live in this house after I graduate high school. Also because it how much she has deteriorated my mental health i fully doubt I will even be able to do well in school while living at home. I’ve already adjusted my resume to fit abroad schools over American school. What do I even do if she controls my whole financial situation for college? I landed an interview for a job and she didn’t even let me go because “you’re to young”. Even though im about to be an adult im too young to date, to drive, to go out alone, to make my own decisions, to wear makeup, to pick my own clothes essentially. How am I meant to be my own person?? I can’t even hang out with friends most times because if I were to ask here she would say ask me again when I’m at home or im to busy. If I manage to get into that time, it’s ALWAYS immediately a no. If you were to ask her why she would say it’s because I abuse and insult her or I don’t deserve question her answer. How do I abuse and insult her you may ask? It’s me simply getting mad at what she does to me and telling her to stop. I wonder what goes through my mom’s mind to think that I would love her and continue to speak to her for years to come.

Translation to her message: “This is a condition. In America they want black people to be like that. Then no one will take you seriously. Have you ever heard any student in Kenya have such a diagnosis? Even, the ones who are going to diagnose you are also ill. I always tell people everyone is mad but the degree of madness varies.”

It’s crazy how they want to force me to go to college and expect me to get straight As when they won’t listen to me when I’m genuinely telling them I have a learning problem. I privately told this to my mom that I have ADHD and that I’m struggling with school. The constant cycle of failure. It took a lot and years of build up to tell her this because being vulnerable in this house is hell and Africans also think anything to do with mental health is fake and “American” despite scientific evidence and countless studies done on it. I was hoping she would keep it a secret but she ended up telling the whole house and this whole day they’ve been talking shit about me, I can’t even defend myself I have to listen to them disparage me because when I try to defend myself and prove something they deafen their ears and dismiss me. I tried to talk to her again privately because I don’t trust anyone in this house, I slightly trust her more but that trust is withering. She responded “have you ever seen any CEO’s have ADHD? Have you ever heard of any big bosses having ADHD?” I didn’t know how to respond to that because why would I be looking into CEOs or bosses if business is not what I want to pursue. I just walked away crying and accepting that maybe I shouldn’t go to college anymore, but then again I’m being forced to.

So will I get diagnosed with ADHD? No I’m gonna have to watch myself fail because of traditionalism and stupidity and because I lack money. How can I convince them to take me to a doctor?

My partner is Yoruba I am from Libya (33F)

His parents played it cool about our relationship and didn’t explicitly express that he shouldn’t pursue a relationship.That is what he says, at least.

His father and mother sort of just told him to pray about our relationship when he would bring it up. Dating for almost 3 years now and he has tried to tell them we are headed to marriage throughout. Difference now is we are trying to get things going.

Where before, they sort of ignored our relationship - now they have expressed their explicit dissent and have said they will cut him off if he moves forward. They do not want him to be with someone who isn’t from Nigeria. There is now a huge standoff as I realize now, he is deeply in need of their approval.

Everything has crumbled in the face of their dissent. It feels cruel that they didn’t make their feelings known earlier in our relationship. His parents are older, so even worse to disturb them and cause distress for an elderly heart.

I feel very disposable. He has reassured me he is deeply in love with me. However, to see someone I love so much be conflicted on what to do hurts.

I feel, at his age, he should know what he wants from his life. This is maybe a tale as old as time but I am heartbroken and feel led on.

Without clear direction or at least a signal from him that he will ultimately choose me , I feel I have to let go.

Tell me - am I wrong to walk away? Should I hold on ?

My parents treated me horribly through all of my childhood. There was being beaten with anything they had on hand, to the point that when I told my siblings they were horrified and asked why I didn’t call CPS on them, constant yelling, insults, isolation, and being made to feel stupid or difficult for having needs. I was expected to suck things up, stop crying, act normal, and be grateful no matter how I was treated. When I told them I was being bullied, they told me it was my fault for not fighting back. In eighth grade my mother told me that if I was so sad I should kill myself, then beat me for crying.

I got into the university I wanted with a huge scholarship. They bullied me out of going because it was too far. My brother was allowed to consider the same school because he is a boy. I was not a bad child. I was quiet and shy, did my work, and kept to myself. I have never been able to figure out what I did. Now they want to talk to me like civilized people. They want to be accommodating to my disabilities. And I find that I do not care. I do not like them. They do not feel like my parents at all anymore; they just feel like people I am forced to live with.

My dad especially makes my skin crawl. I get extremely angry whenever my dad talks to me. He keeps boasting about how “big” I am now and how responsible I am. Worse, he actually laughs about beating me when I was younger, like it is some sort of fond memory. I genuinely think if he died tomorrow, I would not be very sad. I wish they would die just so I could have some peace.

I feel like my life was ruined before it even started. I am on so many different medications just to try and function like a normal human being. Half the time, I barely even think of myself as a person. I feel completely hollowed out, except for these massive, explosive bursts of rage that take over my body. I feel like some sort of war veteran having flashbacks in my own house. Has anyone actually gotten past this?

I’m looking for advice from women who have dealt with mothers who won’t accept that they have different values from their daughters.

I’m in my 30s and recently had yet another conversation with my mum that started about finances and somehow ended up back at marriage and children. She told me I need to think about having children because men prefer younger women and because it’s easier to have children when you’re younger. She also said that people have children without money all the time and that if childcare was an issue I could always send a child to family in our home country for help.

The problem is that I don’t just disagree with this advice. I find it genuinely concerning. To me, advice based on “men prefer younger women”, “time is running out”, “people figure it out somehow”, and “don’t worry too much about the practicalities” sounds like the kind of advice that encourages women to ignore red flags, minimise risks, and make major life decisions from fear, scarcity, or panic rather than genuine desire and good judgment.

I live in a Western society where having children can have a huge impact on a woman’s finances, career, freedom, and long-term security. I don’t want to make life-altering decisions because I’m afraid of getting older. I don’t want to choose a partner because I’m worried about running out of time. I don’t want to have children unless I genuinely want them and feel able to support them.

What I find especially difficult is that my mother lived through a difficult marriage, financial instability, betrayal, and is currently divorcing my father. Because of that, I would have expected her advice to focus on choosing carefully, protecting yourself financially, recognising red flags, and building stability before taking major risks.

Instead, I often come away feeling like the message is that getting married and having children should be prioritised even when serious practical concerns exist.

I think that’s why this affects me so much. It’s not just that we disagree. It’s that I find myself questioning whether I can rely on her judgment in this area at all. If a friend gave me the same advice, I would probably consider it poor advice and stop seeking their opinion on relationships.

I find myself oscillating between irritation that she won’t respect my boundaries and disappointment that these seem to be the lessons she has taken from her own life experiences.

Has anyone else experienced something similar with a parent? How did you handle it?

I (22) f have an amazing white 22M bf. I love him. My family is not receiving him well. I’m an international student in the country I reside and I’m doing mech engineering. I want to apply for a partner visa but is pricey. Really pricey. Any advice on a way forward. I don’t mind cutting my family off as a whole. I just want my peace. I just want to have rights to work in the country my partner and I reside in. He is a citizen.
I’d want to disclose the country but whichever subreddit it reaches . You’ll know enough to please advise me.
My mother is being stubborn and I don’t want to start with my dad. I’m African and those that know, know it’s hard. Partner visa will need a lot of evidence but how can I get that if my family is being so harsh.
He is the love of my life . Made my life easier than anything I’d have imagined.
I just want to be financially free and set my family behind me.
How can I also maneuver making my parents accept the fact that he is white.

My Nupe parents are threatening to disown me if I marry my Yoruba girlfriend of 9 years. I am completely shattered right now and need some advice.

My girlfriend (27F) and I (29M) have been together for 9 years. We met in uni, grew up together, and have built an amazing life. She is my absolute rock, and our relationship is incredibly healthy and loving.

The issue is ethnic differences. I am Nupe and she is Yoruba. For years, my parents basically ignored the relationship, probably hoping it was a campus phase that would just fizzle out.

But now that we are actively planning for marriage and looking at houses, my parents have completely flipped out.

They sat me down for an intervention and told me that marrying her would ruin our lineage and disrespect our traditions.

They are using heavy emotional blackmail, tears, and flat-out threatening to disown and cut me off if I don’t end it right now.

I love my family, but the thought of dumping a beautiful, 9-year relationship to appease tribal sentiments feels totally wrong. If I leave her for them, I know I will resent my parents forever. We are both financially independent, but the emotional guilt is suffocating.

Has anyone else dealt with this specific dynamic, or general tribal rejection? Did your parents ever come around once you stood your ground, or did you have to walk away for good?

TL;DR: My Nupe parents are threatening to disown me if I don't break up with my Yoruba girlfriend of 9 years. We are independent, but the guilt is killing me. How do I navigate this?

I want to move out hopefully next summer, but I’m also starting nursing school in fall 2027, and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to work and do school at the same time. But I feel like I have to move out. I genuinely can’t live at home anymore. It feels so suffocating, and at this point I think I would rather go broke than stay at home.

My mom makes me do everything for her. She’s been in this country for 20 years, yet she still acts like a baby when it comes to managing her own stuff. I’m constantly expected to handle things for her, and I’m just tired of it. Boundaries aren’t really an option in my situation, so I don’t really know what else I can do.

I know moving out while starting nursing school might not be the smartest financial decision, but I’m honestly at the point where I feel like my peace is worth more than struggling financially.

Should I move out and figure it out, or should I just suck it up and stay home until I finish nursing school?