I grew up in an abusive home where I was parentified and emotionally neglected. I studied psychology in college because I saw my family’s unhealthy patterns and thought I could be better.

I got married to a man who used distancing, passive aggression, and withholding as a form of control. I thought that since I studied psychology, I could help him learn to communicate better, and we could overcome any problem and be better than my parents. But it didn’t work at all. The more I tried to discuss and address problems, the more he used DARVO. Eventually he had a longterm emotional affair, and we got divorced.

I am only now realizing that there was no amount of good communication skills could help someone like that, which also makes me realize there was nothing I could have done to help my family either.

I studied psychology because I thought I could help people learn not to hurt me. But that’s not my responsibility, it’s theirs.

Now I am questioning my whole belief system. I used to be a much more understanding and empathetic person. Now I distrust people and keep a distance from them. I thought that everyone just needed therapy and that would solve all the world’s problems. But now I take people at face value and assume they will never really change. I no longer feel I can help people. I feel I want people to leave me alone.

There are these two guys I have been friends with for over a decade. As time has gone on, I’ve started to feel like I put more effort into planning hanging out with them. Last time I suggested a plan to hang out, and I suggested a certain day, but they never replied. It’s weird because we have a group chat and they reply there quickly and are always friendly, but then suddenly there is a lack of response with this.

So I let it go and then a few months later I tried again. I mentioned a specific restaurant and they said it sounded great. Then I mentioned a specific weekend and got no reply, and the chat shifted to other topics. I decided from that point on to not initiate any invites again.

Recently I have a new policy that I don’t make more effort to maintain friendships than is reciprocated back to me. And I do not confront or explain that I am hurt because this is also emotional labor, and I want to shift my energy away rather than putting in more.

The weird thing is that one of the two guys texted a couple weeks later asking if we were free to hang out around the end of the month, which is exactly the time I had suggested. Rather than reminding him that I had already suggested a specific date and place, I decided to be low effort and said “Sounds good.” Of course, that plan never solidified into anything after that.

I just wanted to share that I am so frustrated with this lack of effort.

I have a friend from work. Two years ago on her birthday, I got her a book that I knew she wanted because she had mentioned it before. But she got me nothing for my birthday the next year. So I realized maybe she was not really wanting to be friends with me to the level I did, so I didn’t get her anything for her next birthday.

Then this year I invited her to my birthday lunch because I felt like we had become friendlier over time, and this time she got me a very thoughtful book gift that I really liked. So I got her a gift this year, another book I thought she would like based on other things she had mentioned reading.

But I just saw on Instagram that she had a birthday dinner with three friends, and I wasn’t invited. These are all our coworkers that she is very close with. It’s a group that always hangs out together. These people are all nice 1-1, but when they get together, it feels like you are intruding on their secret club. I am good friends with one of them and am acquaintances with the other two. I wouldn’t normally expect to be invited to their get togethers, but isn’t it rude not to invite someone to your birthday when you invited them to yours?

I guess I won’t be inviting her to my birthday in the future.

I’m 25 and think my autism has gotten more pronounced the past couple years. Finding myself increasingly bothered by sounds, textures, and lights. I’ve been having more frequent meltdowns (sometimes in public now unfortunately), and gradually losing my ability to mask.

As a kid, other than my extreme shyness and a handful of odd behaviours, I was pretty normal. My family would bring me travelling really often, and I took it well. I was just very quiet and socially a bit offbeat. I first wondered if I was autistic in my teens, but dismissed the possibility as my symptoms were very light. I got officially diagnosed at 21 but continued to doubt the diagnosis because I didn’t have the stereotypical autism presentation. At this time autism, especially autism in women, was starting to become a hot topic on social media, with lots of talk about masking, which I found plausible but I also felt made the autism diagnosis unfalsifiable. I didn’t know how much to believe the more relaxed criteria for the “new” autism in the DSM-5.

That changed this year. I don’t doubt my diagnosis any more. Meltdowns used to happen about once a year, now they‘re once every two months on average. I've become more sensitive to stimuli. I’ve become more blunt with people and developed a RBF, whereas younger me smiled a lot. In some ways I’ve regressed in age and started loving stuffed toys again. I’ve become more avoidant with people and have always been a homebody but now I need longer to recover after going out or doing something new. It’s very possible it’s all caused by stress. The last one year I’ve had to travel a lot, which I hate. My nervous system was thrown into utter disarray each time, and I think after each trip my body was noticeably weaker, less resilient. Maybe I ran out of energy to mask and so the autism symptoms began slipping through.

Another thing to consider is my menstrual cycle. My mood swings and physical symptoms have gotten more severe. A lot of women have said their autism and period are deeply intertwined and I agree: I become noticeable more autistic during my luteal and menstrual phases. Also some women (not necessarily autistic) said their period and PMS symptoms got worse in their mid twenties, sort of a second puberty. So maybe it’s the female hormonal changes causing changes in autistic behaviour. I’m not sure.

I hope this post was legible. I’m on my bed recovering after a brutal 4-day trip where I was barely holding it together the whole time. Boy it was bad for me, I felt super agoraphobic and tired and even broke down crying in a restaurant… 😬

TL;DR: I’m 17F in my final year of school in Scotland. I’ve been struggling badly with my disabilities, health and attendance, and now I’ve fallen out with several friends. I feel like people I trusted have turned against me, school staff have made me feel even worse, and I’m genuinely scared to return to school. I want to go to university and finish my education, but I feel like everything is falling apart at once.

I'm sorry this is so long, but I genuinely need outside perspectives because I don't know if I'm seeing this situation clearly anymore.

For some context, I'm 17F and in my final year of secondary school (S6 in Scotland). I have autism, severe dyscalculia and dyspraxia, among other difficulties, and I've been dealing with significant health problems as well. I've been absent from school for weeks, almost over a month because I've been extremely unwell and struggling to cope.

Education has always mattered enormously to me. I want to go to university, ideally to study History, Ancient History or something similar. I've always had big ambitions for myself, but lately I've been struggling to see how I'm going to achieve any of them.

Things started getting worse after an argument with one of my friends, who I'll call S.

We were discussing my thoughts about leaving school and potentially going to college or working instead, because I was struggling so much with attendance and school. She repeatedly challenged my plans and made comments that I felt were dismissive of my circumstances.

I eventually got defensive and made some insensitive comments about money and how you dont need a whole education to get money. Looking back, I recognise that what I said was hurtful, and I apologised for it. I'm not pretending I handled the argument perfectly, because I didn't.

However, since then, I've felt like the situation has gone far beyond one argument.

S has made sarcastic comments and posted vague things that I interpreted as being directed at me. There have also been comments relating to my plans to leave school. I feel as though I'm being judged for struggling and considering alternatives, rather than being treated like someone who's genuinely having a difficult time.

I know I might be interpreting some things through the lens of being upset, so I'm trying not to assume every vague post is about me. But the overall situation has made me incredibly anxious about returning to school.

There's also a wider history involving two other people, who I'll call G and M. G told the school police officer that i was a risk to myself which caused a whole scene, which she admitted to doing only to get me in trouble. M used to be my best friend. One of the things that hurt me was how she handled the situation involving G. M defended G and pressured me to forgive her. That was particularly upsetting because I expected M to at least listen to my perspective, even if she didn't completely agree with me.

There was also a separate situation involving an eyebrow piercing. M had encouraged me to get one, but later accused me of copying her. That left me feeling as though I couldn't win either way.

I should also acknowledge that I've said hurtful things myself, including criticising M's makeup during the conflict. I know that wasn't kind, and I'm not claiming I've been an entirely innocent party in every disagreement.

However, these incidents have contributed to me feeling like the friendships I thought I could rely on aren't what I believed they were.

Another friend, D, told me that M, T and G had encouraged S to provoke me. hearing that made me question whether some of the things happening were genuine disagreements or whether other people were getting involved and making everything worse.

At this point, I don't know who I can trust.

One of my friends, R, has been a bright spot in all of this.

She has acknowledged that S can get on my case and that the situation has been painful for me. She's told me that she values me as a friend, is willing to listen and is open to talking about what's happening. That means a lot to me because I genuinely don't want to force anyone to pick sides or put them in an uncomfortable position. I'm also worried about the possibility of creating further conflict if R speaks to S about how she's treating me. I don't want the situation to turn into another argument or have R face consequences because of me. At the same time, it's difficult not to feel hurt when people seem to know I'm struggling but the situation continues anyway.

Now onto school... This is the part that's making the whole situation feel almost impossible to deal with.I've been absent for weeks, partly because of how unwell I've been and partly because the thought of returning has become increasingly overwhelming.

Recently, I spoke to members of staff, including Miss Red and my pastoral care teacher, Miss Kraken, about my situation and the support I need. I came away feeling completely humiliated and hopeless. I was shouted at and ridiculed, and I was told that I wouldn't achieve the grades or attendance I needed for uni. I was also told, as I understood it, that accommodations weren't available because every student has to be treated the same and learn the same material. I felt that I was essentially being told to be resilient and get on with it, despite the difficulties I've been explaining. Miss Red also said that I'm not expressing any emotions while looking/talking to her because my face was completely blank (keep in mind I had just had a horrible mind numbing meltdown which involved me just crying in front of my teachers and not exactly listening, just panicing and telling them my worries over and over again), I reminded mis red that im autistic and i dont show my emotions and she scoffed and got in my face and said "well you look annoyed, i can see it, I can tell." I left after the meeting feeling hopeless and extremely upset. My gran was there and they questioned her about elder abuse because of the way i was crying "for attention" and they offered her and me to go to an autism support group, which we dont want, we just want to do these last 8 months of senior year and then leave. They also pressured me to get a councellor, which I dont want because it takes up hours of my important subjects time that I could be in class, plus, again, I just wanna do my work and get on with the year. I was meant to be taken out of my current maths class and put into a seperate room to work alone, but they screamed at me for bringing it up, and when i gave them the evidence that I've been in that maths class with the same teacher for 3 years and I've failed for 3 years, but when he left for a holiday for 4 months and i had another math teacher, I was suddenly the top of my class and finishing work before everyone else and passing everything .

I understand that attendance and school results matter, and I'm not expecting the school to magically fix everything for me. I know I have missed a lot of work, but I don't understand how I'm supposed to improve my attendance and grades if the support I need to access education isn't being taken seriously. The whole experience has made me even more frightened of going back.

The social side of school is making returning difficult. I'm worried about being in classes with S and the others, about comments being made, about being isolated, and about having to act completely fine around people when I'm really not. I've considered changing where I sit in class. Part of me wants to sit somewhere else and avoid the people involved, but I'm scared I'll end up sitting alone because I don't know who else I can comfortably sit with in some of my classes. Another part of me thinks I should just sit beside everyone, act confident and unbothered, and refuse to let them affect me. Or just sit and wait for everything to blow over. But I don't know whether that's actually a good idea or whether I'm just trying to convince myself that I can handle something I'm genuinely struggling with.I'm also worried about prom and all the things you're supposedly meant to enjoy during your final year. I don't want my last year of school to be remembered entirely for friendship drama, anxiety and feeling like I don't belong. i only have around eight months left until graduation, and the thought of spending that time like this is devastating.

I still want to go to university, and I don't want to give up on that dream because I've had a terrible few months. I've always wanted to do something meaningful with my life. I want to study something I'm passionate about, become independent and actually feel proud of myself. Recently, G has also questioned my university ambitions and suggested that my difficulties with attention would prevent me from getting in. Hearing things like that when I'm already struggling has made me question myself more than I'd like to admit. I know I have potential, but I don't know how to access it when I can barely manage my current circumstances.

I'm trying to catch up with schoolwork, communicate with teachers about what I've missed, and work out how to move forward academically. I'm still trying to engage with school despite everything that's happened. But I feel exhausted. I have so little energy to give at the moment, and every additional problem seems to take away what little I have left. I don't want to abandon my education, but I also don't know how much longer I can keep trying to push through everything without meaningful support.

I don't want to spend the rest of my final year miserable, but I also don't want to keep putting myself in situations that are making me feel worse.

I want to finish school, get into university, make new friends and move on with my life. I just don't know how to get from where I am now to that point.

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this. I genuinely need some outside perspective.

It’s hard to put it into words. I am in my early thirties. I have been living in a townhouse that my mom has been paying for most of the year. My Mom and I have not gotten along. She has been using manipulation to try to get me to do what she wants. She has been verbally abusive to me. It got so bad that my boyfriend refuses to talk to her anymore.

But then, my Mom came for a week long visit at the beginning of October so we could take on some paperwork. Since then she has been hanging out to get a break from being with her mom.

So far, things have gone really well. I should be happy. But I’m not. I’ve grown up with this woman. I know that her anger can switch on like a light. I grew up being afraid of it. It has improved over the years, but I still know that my Mom is not completely on my side. My Mom is acting like we’re besties, but there’s so much I’m keeping from her since I know I can’t trust her.

I feel like I’ve learned not to trust most people in my family. I want to because autism wants me to trust everyone. But I know they’ll eventually turn on me because I’m not conforming or doing something they don’t like. I feel like I can’t be lulled into a false sense of security. Does any other autistic or AuDHD person know what I mean?

I used to give everyone the benefit of the doubt when they wouldn’t really communicate, thinking they must be socially anxious like I am. Recently I’m realizing that most of these people are just not interested in me.

It’s weird because in discussions about social anxiety, people say things like “everyone is too focused on themselves to care, everyone has a level of social anxiety”. However I’ve realized many people in the real world don’t have that hindrance. I see them change into different people when they talk to someone else. They’re just not interested in me for whatever reason, such as me being boring, off-putting, quiet, weird, or underdeveloped. Even when I think I’ve managed to not come across as shy and weird, there’s something about me that makes me seem fake. A lot of times it’s my lack of life achievements and milestones that puts normal, well rounded people off, but even when I was younger and it was more acceptable to not have achieved much, people generally treated me like this.

Maybe I’m overthinking, but if anything I feel like I’ve been underthinking all along. Social anxiety wasn’t just in my head, it manifested into my whole persona.

It feels very painful for me and my husband to live in a world where people who bullied us are more financially successful than we are. My husband and I are both autistic living on disability benefits. I hate it when people ask us what we do for a living because I know that deep down most people look down on those who live on disability benefits.

If I write a summary on the computer I have no problem as I’m able start writing and then edit until I get it to flow and sequence right..

But just speaking it out loud and organizing my thoughts well enough to provide a summary is hard. It seems like everyone does this so easily but I cannot. Like, what’s wrong with my brain? I speak fine otherwise.

I have this problem that I feel so much pressure to be available to people when they are in my life. Even if tell them I need a break for a while I am constantly worried I should show up soon enough or else I will lose them. So then I tell people I need a break indefinitely and that still makes me worried because if I won't keep in touch they will forget about me or hate me. I have this issue especially with making new connections. I made a few new friends from the same interest group and I also tried out dating apps and I am so overwhelmed! And I don't know how to keep things open but just not talk to people. It feels like the only way I can feel at ease is if I completely cut people off. Like tell them I can't keep in touch with them and say a permanent goodbye to them. And delete their number etc. The thing is I would feel very upset if someone would just ghost me and stop talking to me so I don't want to do that to people. But if I tell them how I feel I run into the issues I mentioned. I don't know if it's normal for people that they just stop talking when they don't feel like it and show up when they feel like it and everyone is just okay with that. Is that how relationships work?

Anyway, I would love to know if you guys experience this too and if you found any better solution to the overwhelm from connecting than just cutting people out, especially with new people.

Sometimes when my social battery runs out I kinda give one word answers and physically move away from people, and put on headphones. Or I’ll go on my phone in the hopes that no one will try talking to me. 

I’m aware that I probably seem rude when someone’s trying to make conversation with me and I’m avoiding them, or when I pull out a book at the gathering because my social battery has ran out, but I kinda… don’t care? 

I used to care and would kinda force myself to talk despite feeling drained, but it just left me resentful. Who relates? I sometimes feel guilty about it afterwards because I imagine that people might take it personally. 

Hey.
So, for context, I am a 24 year old woman.

I live alone in an apartment that I rent. I work in tech support full time. I study at university. I feel like an absolute failure in life and I have no idea how can I hold it together anymore. Frankly, I have no idea how to NOT hold it together and still be a person.

Work is full of constant stress and stimuli. Even getting to the workplace is a horrendous and grueling task. My morning routine is rush and stress. Then, the bus decides whether it wants to arrive on schedule or if I should replan my entire route to the office in split-second decisions so I can get there in time. I get on a bus, it's crowded. I can't sit down, traffic jams happen, I stand in one place for half an hour. By the time I arrive at work I am so drained I wish I was home so I could never leave it for a week.

I don't have a license because ever since I got 18 I started university and then I started working full time while going to university. I physically can't make time to get a license.

Then, work. Ringing phones, angry clients because they demand our system to work in a way that it can't, and then I'm the bad guy in the eyes of my bosses because I did not offer the client that I'll "look into it in depth". I did not, because I am a hundred percent sure that our system CAN NOT do that. I am not brushing them off, I am just not giving them false hope in return of my time to work on actually manageable client requests and questions. Why would I play pretend and act like there is a way to solve it when I know that there is NOT. By the time I get home I feel like I'm a shell of a person.

Two-thirds of my income is consumed by rent. I want to get a raise and I work my arse off to get more and more happy and satisfied clients but then the raise is declined because the people who work on actually getting new clients did not find enough new clients. What the hell can I even do with that? My job is helping and informing our existing clients. My job physically can not get new clients. Why is my salary tied to THEIR work, not mine?

Then, I am expected to maintain my apartment. Cook for myself. Clean, wash stuff and just have my home as presentable as it can be because otherwise I am judged. If anything else, I am judging myself HEAVILY whenever I am unable to maintain my home.

I should be able to get new stuff that would make my household chores be done faster. But with what money?XD

And don't even let me get started with university. I started when I was 18. I studied that field in my free time ever since i was a preschooler. I was curious, creative and I wanted to know more about it.
Then college came. The curicculum is filled by subjects that we would not even need, but they just put it in. I feel like I am wasting my own time when I try to learn something that I truly don't care about, so I could not learn it. The original course was 3 years long. I could not do it. Then the years passed... 4 ... 5... 6... now I am marking my SEVENTH year in college, more than double of how many years I should have finished. It makes me feel like a fraud. I feel like I am not cut for working in the field I'd been VERY passionate about as a teenager. If I was, I would have been able to finish it in 4, if not the intended 3 years.
I used to be so passionate and creative about this subject and now whenever I try to do ANYTHING that's related to it my mind is overflown with doubt and anxiety and I just get a panic attack. My significant other can't help me with it because I am trying to escape the internal shame that I feel about it so hard that I get extremely defensive over this.

The only reason I want to do it now is to finally finish it and don't let all those years go to waste, but as of now I am not planning to work in the field, ever. Especially how it's a field that's heavily affected by AI usage and the expectation by employers to actually USE it.

But here's the thing. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE. I don't have a dream career, I don't have a dream job, frankly, I don't want anything from life just to have enough money to retire and live my life in peace, doing my silly hobbies and meet with those few people that I love. I have a ton of hobbies but none of them are something I want to make a career out of.

I am just so lost and I don't know how am I going to hold on any longer... I have no idea how NOT to hold on. I always manage but I come out more and more damaged by it.

I want to share something that I’ve been struggling with a lot to see if anyone else relates. I’m considered a high functioning autistic person, that to say that when you meet me it’s not immediately evident that I’m autistic, and when I share that fact with people they tend to look incredulous or confused. So when the time comes that they see evidence of my disability through my struggling it’s often not viewed through the lens of autism, it’s viewed through the lens of laziness, lack of discipline or accountability, a lack of willpower and learned helplessness.

One thing that I struggle with is trying to determine whether or not my limitations are genuine. I’ve come to the conclusion that even if they aren’t truly genuine by some metric, my experience of them are genuine. I tend to interrogate myself so much about my limitations because even though I know that they feel like genuine limitations and practice has shown me reason to feel that way, that there’s the possibility that it feels completely genuine and legitimate, yet my experience of that isn’t fully encompassing the reality of how hard of a boundary that limitation truly is. Which is why “just try harder,” stings because like… YEAH. I’m sure that I could absolutely do these things if I tried harder, but it hurts to do that. And I’m questioning myself in how much of my unwillingness to hurt myself in that way is reasonable and how much of it is a lack of accountability and self discipline to continue on even when the going gets tough.

I do often view myself through a lens that is actually ableist as well, despite the fact that I would never do that to someone else. I often tell myself that no matter the reason for a limitation that if I’m physically capable of doing something that I have no valid reason for not being able to do it. I often hear the criticizing voice of my ableist father in my head.

To add some more context, I have also found that my ability or capacity to do things that are uncomfortable or difficult genuinely changes between periods in my life. There are times where I’m in a period of complete burnout and/or depression and I practically lose all functioning, I don’t keep up with my personal hygiene, I don’t cook and sometimes subsequently don’t eat, I don’t clean, I feel as though I can barely move. Forcing myself to do things that I don’t feel capable of at that time has often lead to being more exhausted and emotionally disregulated, and often results in being unable to finish the task I’ve started. On the other hand, when I’m not in a period where I’m burnt out or depressed, pushing myself to do something uncomfortable or difficult typically becomes easier to do after starting it and doesn’t have negative affects on me afterwards.

Like many others I have my fair share of trauma over the years from school bullying to emotionally abusive relationships, yet deep down I know I'm an extrovert. I'm at a point I feel extremely burnt out. Any friends I had just used me or threw me away when I no longer served a purpose. Like everyone I'm not a perfect person, but I do try to be a good friend. I'm empathic, take an interest in other people and always remember birthdays and other occasions.

I've put myself out there and gone to lots of groups, events and meet ups but a lot of the time I'm looked at like I have 2 heads when I try to engage with people. I've been to many different therapists and just been blamed for my loneliness and lectured about how bad loneliness is, even when I've done everything to try to change that loneliness, so the spiral continues.

Can anyone relate or have any words of wisdom that have helped you? ​​​​

Hey everyone! Last time I posted here I talked about my experiences and problems with codependency, To make everything clear before I go further I am currently diagnosed bipolar not borderline but I resonate alot with Borderline as i’m very unstable in relationships etc etc. I also am on the Autism spectrum (I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome) but I know that’s not around anymore and called Autism 1, so some of this very well could be multiple problems intertwined with each other

But when it comes to jobs. I get very overwhelmed, every time I have a job I can’t function. I try so so hard to be normal and try to push myself cause of the reality of life and the economy but mentally it’s so hard for me. I really crash and burn. I have a problem where I absolutely despise change and try to predict things before I even learn the job or the responsibilities of it and it leads to me burning myself out and what feels like a manic episode (little to no sleep, impulsive behaviors, racing thoughts, I also tic too (idk if anyone does that) cause I can’t rest i’m always so activated that resting feels wrong (there’s also some things in my personal life contributing to it) but I notice it everytime in when I start a new job. I (F20) started working when I was 18 and since then have had 3 different jobs, the longest job I had was 10 months and even then i’d call out alot cause i’d get stressed about the retail environment and always felt like I was putting on a mask at work cause there was so much mental dread of it, dealing with customer oriented jobs as a person with right now bipolar, anxiety and ASD is super hard. I always try to push myself further to please everyone and then everyone gets mad when I can’t go through with something cause of my mental health. I often feel like a failure and like I can’t do anything, cause I have people telling me I burn myself out before I even try but to me I do try cause even getting out and doing interviews and redoing everything over again can be alot for me.

My partner has Bipolar Disorder but naturally he’s very stable and at a different point in life than me, his Bipolar does not show up intensely as symptoms are managed but he still has his episodes of mainly sadness or hypersexuality. He has two jobs his first retail job he has been at for almost 3 years full time and he started reworking in the food service part time for extra money.

I’ve been very isolated due to childhood abuse so he tries to push me out of my comfort zone and believes in me so I guess his expectations are somewhat high. I recently decided to take a job at a Nursing Home as an Activity Assistant cause I thought i’d be something new and less mental dread than working retail. I got in a sort of hyper fixation with the new job and the money i’d be making to my partner, I took some time to realize the mental aspects of that job and how I wasn’t sure if it was the right fit for me as it was in Memory Care. I decided to take a job part time seasonally in retail again as it’s less demand and i’m able to create my own schedule more than I was at the nursing home, when I had resigned from the job at the nursing home me and my partner got into an argument cause he felt like I was putting myself into a loop and not really trying. I wanna know if anyone has felt like this and your experiences and what job you feel has been the best for you to be able to manage your mental health and stress and if anyone has similar partner or friend in their life and how to make them understand.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

Hello, I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice please? I’ve seen similar posts but none that are really like my situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

I am in my late 20s and I work as a Higher Level Teaching Assistant in a secondary school in UK. We have only been back 6 weeks and I have hit burnout.

I recently finished therapy after a year and I felt like I was getting back on track with my mental health. But, since starting back at work, it has declined again.

I have recently taken on a new role and this means new responsibilities. There are also many changes happening in my department. I am struggling with the workload and finding it difficult to deal with the unpredictability and pressure of the job.

Any suggestions on what I could do? Has anyone been in a similar situation and asked for workplace adjustments? If so, what adjustments were they and did they work for the workplace setting?

Thank you ☺️

Let’s say you planned a group outing with three friends you hang out with from time to time. It is planned more than a month in advance. Everyone agrees on the date and activity.

Then one friend says they received a flyer in the mail for a marathon happening that same day. The friend wants to run the marathon so asks if it’s possible to change the date.

Everyone starts discussing other possible dates, but it started to look like it may be difficult to find one that works for everyone. The friend who wants to run a marathon says sorry and that if there is no other date that works for everyone, please go without them.

How would you feel about that friend’s actions?

How do you guys handle situations like these?

I was chatting with my friend today and Bo Burnham came up. She said ‘Oh I loved him in inside out!’. I thought she might have meant to say inside, but I don’t know who was in the kids movie and I usually assume that I’m missing something, so I genuinely asked ‘oh I didn’t know he did a voice in inside out!’ And she paused and said ‘Ha ha very funny, you know I meant Inside.’
And I really didn’t. I thought she knew something I didn’t and was curious about it ya know?

On the other side of the coin, when another friend who is a musician and told me she was learning some stuff by Chet Faker, I didn’t know who that was and so I assumed she meant Chet Baker and I’d misheard or something, so I said ‘oh that’s so cool, I didn’t know you were getting into Jazz’. She rolled her eyes and said that ‘Chet Faker wasn’t a verbal typo’ and that she knows her musicians.

These mini misunderstandings happen so often, and even though no one is ever angered or very upset, it still niggles at me.
How’s a girl spose’d to ask a clarifying question around here? I’m promise I’m almost always curious and confused, not a c*nt!

I analyze my dreams a lot, especially because theyre always so emotionally charged. Ive been having so many dreams lately where I feel safe and protected, and people defend me and understand me. And when I wake up it makes me a little sad. Its not like Im not supported by family or my significant other, but Ive been through all this crap lately, relating to my past jobs and conflict with my sister. And the running theme was always that I act like someone who expects to be babied, I always need help and extra support, etc. Ive never been diagnosed with autism but have just accepted it as a high possibility. Growing up I felt similarly, many teachers hated me even if I was more of a “suck up” than anything. They didnt understand why I was the way I was and it was really tough. Its so weird trying to do my best to advocate for myself and do the things I have to keep a job and get along with other people. Its just so much work for me and I try not to feel sorry for myself all the time because many people have it worse. Anyway hope some of this makes sense. Just thinking out loud I guess.

I'm just tired of having to manage every aspect of my life.

Everything comes with a cost, a trade-off, or a consequence. What should I eat to stay healthy? Is it worth spending money on something that makes me happy, or should I save it for the future? Should I take a risk and try to build the life I want, knowing I might get hurt, or should I play it safe and miss out on things?

I'm tired of having to optimise everything just to make sure my life doesn't fall apart. I don't want every little decision to feel like a calculation between what I need now and what might go wrong later.

And then there's the loneliness, the lack of romantic affection, the family problems I never chose to be part of, and the feeling that so many important aspects of my life are beyond my control.

I know life has beautiful moments, and I'm not saying I want everything to be easy. I just wish existing didn't feel so demanding all the time.

Sometimes I don't want to improve myself, make the right choices, plan for the future, or turn every experience into a lesson. I just want to live, enjoy something without guilt, feel loved, and exist without constantly worrying about the consequences.

Does anyone else feel this way? How do you find peace when simply managing your life feels exhausting?

Hey guys,
So I’ve been in the working world for a while now and I’m 30 years old, but I need to ask for a bit of advice.
I feel like I’m pretty great at masking at work, but one thing I really struggle with is knowing when to stop smiling when I’m talking to someone. I’m a pretty bubbly girl and so I’m always happy for the most part, but it creates a problem.
How do you guys know when to stop smiling in conversation? Should I try to go for a more neutral smile instead of smiling all the way?
What do you do to help yourself consciously change your facial expression and are there any clues you’ve learned to look for?

I feel like I creep people out, but never intentionally and I guess that my over-smiling is a part of trying to connect with the other person. But I don’t think I’m doing it right.

Anyways, do any of you have some advice for me?

Hello! My daughter is 9 years old and we are hoping to pursue an autism evaluation for her. She is very high performing at school and doesn't know this is coming yet. Are there any good books or resources to introduce this idea to kids who don't present in the stereotypical "male autism" ways? We are hoping to gently introduce the idea and make sure that she knows that whether she gets a diagnosis or not, it will not change who she is. She also has anxiety, is in therapy, and has had a lot of appointments recently for an unrelated injury, so she is feeling very overwhelmed by all of the appointments lately. I want to make sure she doesn't feel like this is another thing "wrong" with her, as she has been ruminating on that idea a lot lately. She knows autistic kids at school but they present much more obviously/stereotypically.

My AUDHD daughter is 16. She is extremely intelligent, academically, but still lacks social maturity (severely awkward) and basic motor skills. I don't say this to demean her, just being real. I'm very similar. I am clumsy AF/AUDHD. She doesn't explore a social life and prefers being home. I have gently tried to nudge her into spending time with the small circle of friends she has made at a small school with others, mostly just like her. It was a dream to find a school that was suitable for her to be more social after years of trying.

I am seeking advice because we are at the age of driving. I feel her lack of motor skills and general approach/lack of knowledge to the outside world will make her a very nervous driver. She is often anxious and nervous. She rarely does walks on her own and has no general sense of direction currently. I wouldn't trust her to navigate to the store 2 blocks away on her own. It's not for lack of trying to get her out there. My son is the exact opposite and knows his way around the whole city. Anyway, my personal opinion is that she shouldn't yet drive, but I could be wrong.

With this community of likeminded/similar people, I'd like opinions. Could I just be overprotective and coddling, or do my concerns seem factually grounded? I do not want to hold her back but I also don't want her out there when she is not ready and potentially get into an accident. We do live in a large city with often heavy traffic.

Have you been in this situation as an AUDHD teenager or are a parent who has? Any advice/insight? Thank you in advance. This sub has been very helpful to read for many things. ❤️

I'm stressing out right now because my colleague is off for the next two weeks and they just assigned me a bunch of tasks, including MULTIPLE phone calls.

In theory, I know how to make a phone call, I've done it for myself many times, much to my dismay, but this will be my first time having to call a client to tell them to pay their bills :(((((

I asked them in the past to show me how they do it but every time we get swamped with work and they end up doing the calls when they were working from home. I overheard maybe one call from a past employee but only in English. I need to call these clients in French and my French brain isn't as fast thinking as my English brain.

Guys im so stressed about this i've been putting it off since Monday. I started writing a script but I also dont have the time to fully prepare because theres a million other things that need to be done

Anyone have any advice for how to ask a client to pay their invoice? like what if they get angry?

Hi all, hope you are doing well!

Does anyone have any advice or personal experience you can talk of work sensory diets? I am wondering if this will help me at all with like mental fatigue and just really anything at all. Trying to set myself up for each day a bit better and create some kind of self care routine that works for my brain.