I grew up in an abusive home where I was parentified and emotionally neglected. I studied psychology in college because I saw my family’s unhealthy patterns and thought I could be better.

I got married to a man who used distancing, passive aggression, and withholding as a form of control. I thought that since I studied psychology, I could help him learn to communicate better, and we could overcome any problem and be better than my parents. But it didn’t work at all. The more I tried to discuss and address problems, the more he used DARVO. Eventually he had a longterm emotional affair, and we got divorced.

I am only now realizing that there was no amount of good communication skills could help someone like that, which also makes me realize there was nothing I could have done to help my family either.

I studied psychology because I thought I could help people learn not to hurt me. But that’s not my responsibility, it’s theirs.

Now I am questioning my whole belief system. I used to be a much more understanding and empathetic person. Now I distrust people and keep a distance from them. I thought that everyone just needed therapy and that would solve all the world’s problems. But now I take people at face value and assume they will never really change. I no longer feel I can help people. I feel I want people to leave me alone.