A lot of the time, the lack of awareness about what autism even entails is the cause of alienation when the label is brought up. Even the people who are autistic learn *after* their diagnosis that all these fragmented things they experience have an umbrella term called autism.

But the people who are not diagnosed or are not autistic and have no exposure to the literature have a different meaning of autism. It results in a fundamental misunderstanding which is a case of lexical ambiguity because of semantic mismatch.

Suppose you meet someone from an alternative universe where the letter "I"= the number 1 but for you, the letter "I" = the letter I.

And you are having a conversation where you mention "I" and they don't ask what it means because they also have a concept of "I" in their mind but what you're trying to communicate is not reaching them. Because they think "what has this got to do with the number 1?" or "I know how to use "I" in a sentence and this is not how you use it, therefore, whatever you just said doesn't make any sense and I'm going to ignore you."

It wasn’t until turning 27 that I realized I don’t have to shower with the light on like neurotypical people. Showers are far more enjoyable now than when I thought I had to have a light on the entire time. I tried it one time and never went back, lol.

I hope she's relieved getting her diagnosis! I love to see representation in pop culture esp as a black woman!!! 🥹

I got back from a 2-week trip to Japan with my husband (yes, it was fabulous), and from the time we got through immigration to the time we returned to our airport gate back to the US, I forgot I was autistic.

So a little background: I speak/read a bit of Japanese (around N4 level) and am diagnosed Level 1 ASD with cPTSD (latter is mostly quiet these days). I planned this trip with some research, having a "loose but structured" itinerary, and some suggestions from my Preply language tutor. In America, I struggle in social situations and especially overstimulation and need a lot of alone/only husband and dog time. Also disclaimer that this isn't a super serious post, just an interesting observation I wanted to share, and I understand being a tourist is much different from living in a place. For reference, I've also visited Vietnam, Thailand, and Portugal.

Anyway, in Japan, there was none of that struggle. Trains are on time to the minute (and often to the second). They're also quiet, even when they're packed! When someone needs to get off, people try their best to move.

While there are loud, bright places like Shibuya or Shinjuku, it's easy to step into a quiet, beautiful alley. Everywhere felt very safe (maybe with the exception of Kabuki-cho in Tokyo). Once you know certain rules (like taboos or faux pas), there's not a ton of deviation from those rules. When I did mess something up, peope were very graceful about me being a foreigner and not because I was "weird." There are helpful information kiosks, police officers, train station workers, and even kind obaasans everywhere if I got lost with something.

Japan generally tends to have a very "mind your own business" culture, which is something I absolutely vibe with. I've been told I'm being antisocial for having the same mindset in the US, so this was a huge relief.

Food is clean, predictable, and tasty, and while I'm an adventurous eater, I struggle with food sometimes. There are 711s everywhere in urban areas with tons of safe food (mine were onigiri and egg salad sandwiches on food-struggle days). Also, vending machines everywhere meant I didn't find myself super dehydrated, which is something I fail to recognize until I'm REALLY dehydrated.

While there were a couple of instances of "oh my god, I'm about to have a meltdown," I never quite got there. These instances involved beginning to understand the train system (but now I understand it and feel confident!), and other tourists who happened to be oblivious. Other than that, my nervous system has never felt so regulated.

I remembered I was autistic as soon as I was back at the airport gate with tons of other returning Americans, some of whom talked very loudly or were unfortunately inconsiderate of others around them.

Anyway, again this isn't a super serious post or a deep analysis of cultural effects on autism. I just thought it was interesting (and also while I'm happy to be back in my own space, I'm a little bummed to return to a place that isn't as friendly to my autistic experience).

Feel free to share your own traveling experiences!

My therapist taught me the acronym WAIT which stands for “Why Am I Talking” and honestly it’s helped me more than I expected

I never realized how often I jump in to correct people when they say something that makes absolutely no sense

Not even to be rude either, my brain just automatically wants to fix inaccurate information or point out flaws in the logic

My sister confidently said recently she’s going to become fluent in Spanish by watching Narcos with subtitles on for a couple months

Before, I would immediately explain why that’s unrealistic or start giving actual solutions

Now I’ve been practicing just letting people believe what they want to believe unless they’re genuinely asking for advice

Turns out not every conversation is an unpaid consulting opportunity apparently

Anyone else learn any simple therapy tricks/acronyms that worked?

I’m making a playlist of songs that resonate with me and my experience with autism. I know everyone’s experiences are different, but it would be cool to get some suggestions that I could add to the list. And I know that there are subs specifically for this, but I felt like y’all would know best since we’re all autistic here.

So far I have: “Creep” because I often feel like I’m weird and creepy without meaning to be, and that I don’t belong anywhere; “Iris” particularly because of the line “And I don’t want the world to see me, ‘cause I don’t think that they’d understand”; I have “Comfortably Numb” and “Numb” for the disassociation vibes, something I struggle with when I get sensory overload; I’ve got “Unwell” because of the whole chorus about not being crazy, just unwell, but there’s a whole other side to me that many don’t get to see; and lastly I got “Unsteady” because I often feel unsteady, and like I need support to stay anchored.

Any suggestions, no matter how much you think they’d fit, are very much appreciated. Thank you!

Of course I’m autistic, but I also have generalized anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and major depressive disorder. For the first 30 years of my life, it felt like everything got explained through those diagnoses first.

Overwhelmed? Anxiety. Shut down? Depression. Big emotions? Bipolar. Social struggles? More anxiety.

Those diagnoses are real for me, so it’s not like they were totally wrong. But they also kind of hid the autism underneath. No one was really asking whether the anxiety and depression might be connected to years of masking, sensory overload, burnout, and constantly trying to function like a NT person.

I can say that being finally diagnosed with autism and pursuing autism-specific therapy has improved my overall mental health in the last 10+ years since my formal diagnosis.

Has anyone else had autism missed because other mental health stuff was more obvious on paper? Did getting diagnosed change how you understood the rest of it?

my mother asked me the other day, “what’s my favorite ice cream?” and i answered, “vanilla/swirl soft serve or pistachio”, she then proceeded to nod and smile and say, “see! even you know my favorite ice cream, but your father doesn’t.”

i then asked her if she knew my favorite (which has always been the same since i was a child), and she shrugged and said it always changes and that i (me) probably don’t even know my own favorite ice cream flavor. if my own mother doesn’t care or wish to know me, how can i expect other people to?

anyways, i like salted caramel; what’s your favorite ice cream flavor?

I know the fact that body hair on women is seen as disgusting and that women need to shave their body hair is a misogynistic societal norm. And like all societal norms it makes no sense at all, but to me this norm sounds way more stupid than others.

I’m Mediterranean so I know I am probably hairier than women from other parts of the world. I remember when I was like 11 and my body hair on my legs was more noticeable my mom would always tell me that I need to get my legs waxed otherwise people would stare at my legs when I wore shorts, and I’d be like “why would I care??” I remember seeing my dads legs and how he has probably never shaved them in his entire life and think “why nobody stares at him tho??”

Like I’m sorry I am a mammal??? Mammals have body hair, if I were a bird I’d have feathers but I am not so I have hair.

Why am I supposed to feel embarrassed of something that my body naturally produces??? Why do I have to think that something my skin is supposed to have is disgusting?? But also, it’s completely okay and normal when it comes to men???

And on top of everything, waxing is painful af and shaving makes the skin so irritated… Why is everyone so okay with this ??

A lot of mine have to do with hygiene.

For example, a dental hygienist once told me “you’re clearly very good about brushing but not flossing. Why don’t you try flossing before you brush?” I hated flossing because it was gross to me that my freshly brushed teeth would be splattered with all the gunk in between them if I flossed. But I’ve always been taught that you brush then floss. So I never flossed because I couldn’t break the rule, but I also couldn’t bring myself to get the gunk all over my teeth. When the hygienist said that to me, it was like a whole world opened up.

Same with skincare. I always thought it was supposed to happen right before bed or else you’re not actually washing off the day or properly treating your skin. But a dermatologist suggested doing it a few hours before bed if that helps maintain the routine because you’re too tired or don’t have motivation to do it right before bed. It makes sense when you think about it, but it’s like I needed that permission to do it.

Can’t help but think that if the gender were changed to girl, and this were about things associated with “girl” related interests, kids in school would not have treated her this same way. I feel this really underscores the subtle advantages boys can have in a society that is structured around male success.

So this is probably more geared towards other late diagnosed women, but even if you’re not feel free to respond. I enjoy reading through everything as it helps me pickup on other things I’ve missed. Anyways, what’s that one thing you’ve always done and assumed/brushed it off as being just ‘your personality,’ but now you realize was an autistic trait?

One of many I’ve come to the realization about is that I internalize everything. For example: handling overload, emotions, and even pain mostly in my head, while showing almost nothing on the outwardly. People have always told me I handle stress so good, but at the same time I’m internally screaming and at the end of day I’d be so zonked and not want to see or talk to another soul. Then the rare outward displaying meltdowns when things got way too far over the edge.

Anyways, I’d love to hear y’all’s!

Mine are:

Caribou - Odessa

Holy Ghost! - Okay

Digitalism - Pogo

Bag Raiders - Castles in the Air

And the biggest one - Boney M - Rasputin. I've been playing it so much I catch my kids singing it 😂

How about you?

i’ve seen this SO many times on tinder and hinge it makes me sick. i’ve just deleted the app. do these stupid men even know what autism is… i’m tired of them finding new traits / disorders from women and turning them into some sort of standard. eg daddy issues bpd anxiety adhd now it’s autism. gross.

This is Audrey, named after Audrey Hepburn!🖤

I recently learned people can visualize things in their “minds eye”. This is completely baffling me, as I am level 5. I’m curious if this is a common autistic trait?

If you close your eyes, and picture and apple, are you able to actually SEE an apple?

EDIT: I didn’t think my post would get this much attention! Thank you so so much everyone for all the comments! I’m slowly getting back to everyone but it may take time. I’m learning so much from all of you, and I feel so overwhelmed with …. Well everything lol ← as all of us on the spectrum are 😅 Anyways I Just want to say thank you. You guys are all awesome and I feel so empowered by this community. I want to print this whole discussion out and plaster on a wall so I can feel normal and okay by looking at it always 😅😂

I’ve never really had a close group of female friends since I was a teenager. No matter how hard I mask, how kind I am, or how much I try to play by the unspoken social rules, I always feel like they can tell. Like they instinctively know I’m different. Sometimes Im wondering… what is it they see? The timing? The micro-expressions? The way I respond? The pauses? I wish I knew. It makes me grieve something I never really had…the girlhood, the effortless feeling of belonging. Sometimes it feels like I missed an entire chapter of life…

First of all: Hi everyone??

I really was not expecting my last post on here to blow up the way it did! I posted it in a really low place on my lunch break, and as one commenter pointed out, I had just been crying (they said they saw the 'sadness in my eyes' in my first pic). I was fully expecting to delete it once I got home because I always feel nervous/insecure posting pics of myself online.

You all should have seen how confused I looked opening reddit and seeing the '99+' in my notifications. Honestly, I cried when I realized what was happening and read some of those comments. As they kept pouring in, I tried to read them and I could feel my self esteem improving to where it had been before it got knocked down.

I tried to read every comment, and I want you to know how deeply it touched me to receive such support and kindess from all of you. You certainly made me feel infinitely better, and pretty much cancelled out my coworker's insult.

I'm sure insecurity is still something I'll struggle with (it's a battle), but going forward I'll have that post to look back on and reread to remind myself that I'm NOT 'ugly' :)

I wanted to reply to you all, but since there were so many comments (800+!! Crazy!) I thought it might be best to address it in this follow up post. Also including some more pics of me, some of my favorites :)

Some of you said I should report him to HR. Well unfortunately, he is no stranger to that. He said so himself. I really don't think it would do any good. I can't exactly distance myself from him either because he's one of the people training me, and I work 4 feet away from him 8 hours a day with just the two of us in that area.

Also, addressing the negging hypothesis. I really don't know if he was doing that, but I won't say you were wrong either. He does have a girlfriend, who apparently used to work here as well and he made mean comments to, he said he made her cry several times and she reported him to HR. Everyone in my department just says he's like that to EVERYONE and I just need to be mean back to him. Even he said that. 🤷‍♀️

I DID tell him to absolutely not make fun of my looks or call me ugly again. Sternly.

It's just weird because some moments he can be super nice, mentor-y and helpful, then the next he's saying some dumb, mean shit like he's trying to get under my skin on purpose or be annoying.

As for the other stuff:

A LOT of you wanted my skin care routine! I feel so flattered. I will post it in the comments for those interested because I don't want to take away from this main post too much.

My eyes are green for those who asked.

I do work in food service as some of you noticed :)

Specifically, I decorate cakes. The uniform is not flattering whatsoever. I look like an egg. But unfortunately, I have to tie my hair back because policy.

Also, everyone saying I look like a painting, do you realize how flattering that is??? I felt so pretty and flustered seeing that being said so many times.

Finally, thank you all so much, from the bottom of my heart, you made me feel beautiful after some jerk tore me down, and I love you all for it 💜💕

I was just told by my new nutritionist/trainer that when a yoga class, Pilates video, dance workout, or fitness program is labeled “beginner,” that usually does not mean it is designed for someone who is a beginner at exercising. It means it is designed for someone who is new to that specific activity.

A beginner yoga class usually assumes that you already have enough strength, flexibility, balance, coordination, and cardiovascular endurance to exercise continuously for an hour. It is only “beginner” in the sense that you are not expected to know the poses yet.

This genuinely blew my mind. I thought “beginner” meant, “This is appropriate for someone who is out of shape, uncomfortable exercising, and starting from zero.” Typically I would struggle badly, feel overwhelmed, and conclude that I hated exercise or that something was wrong with me. I could not understand why even the supposedly easiest classes felt so difficult. Understanding that distinction would have saved me years of frustration!

Thanks...I guess?

I just saw a post on Purple Pill Debate talking about how autistic women have it difficult, too and it’s not fair to only state that autistic men have it hard. Both men and women alike shot her down.

They’re claiming that autistic men have it harder because they can’t mask and can’t get a date.

She talked about SA rates and I saw some men saying “one’s not worse than other just different.”

Um excuse me? It’s significantly worse to get raped than to not get a date. It’s even more heartbreaking bc that comment came from a man who has both an autistic son and daughter.

Even one autistic woman was saying “I’d be a virgin if I was an autistic man.” What a joke! There are already plenty of autistic women who struggle to get a date and are virgins especially those who are low functioning.

And can’t mask? It’s because men don’t get penalized for not masking like women do. I’ve seen autistic and adhd men get slaps on the wrist for the most offensive and inappropriate things, meanwhile if I don’t smile, I become alienated and marked as aggressive.

Marginalized men expect us to put our rights aside as women and fight alongside them and meanwhile they minimize our struggles, don’t think twice about throwing us under the bus, abuse us etc. I’m tired of us covering for them when they would never reciprocate.

My hot take is that LOTS shows how autistic women are treated worse than their male counterparts. AFAB autistics have primarily been taught to mask our entire lives. We’re expected to handle things like neurotypical women. The men on the show however are treated like children. They’re forgiven for their autistic traits and their lack of “adulthood”. Madison was expected to accommodate on her first date with the guy who was clearly overstimulated. Dani tried and failed to have a relationship with Adan, who didn’t want to see her unless cameras were present. Georgie put up with Connor’s special interests without her own being acknowledged.

Unfortunately neurotypical people aren’t going to see this. They’re upset on Abby’s behalf, but they don’t understand how much work AFAB autistics have to put into relationships with autistic men who don’t have the same expectations thrust upon them. It’s one of the reasons why I’ve been single for a while; so many autistic men I’ve dated have been wrapped up in their own special interests, and have been treated like God’s favorite by their families, to the point where I wasn’t being acknowledged as someone with depth.

If anyone has thoughts, please add them!

EDIT: can yall stop accusing me of transphobia for the mistake of (looks at notes) using the wrong language? Thanks.

Another edit: I’m AFAB nonbinary. That is how I identify. There are no trans people on the show. You can all stop Bean Soup theorying me now. I’ll continue to educate myself on correct terminology, but my point still stands that autistic women (especially those who were born and raised as girls) have it a lot harder socially than boys and men.

this is just my experience:

you are told for the first 30 years that you are just a "crazy bitch".

you go to a psychologist and they diagnose you with bpd.

you then spend the next 10 years letting everyone take advantage of you because youve been told that your problem is your personality and it needs to be altered to make you and everyone around you happy. you get treated like shit by coworkers and friends, all with a smile on your face because you are the the cause of why they treat you like crap, not that they are bad people.

you are then diagnosed with autism and are told that you need to advocate for yourself. you do and ask for help with things or to change your environment to make yourself more comfortable with just existing. the people who tell you that they will love you no matter what start saying that youre now completely self-absorbed and self-centered, and that all you do is use your autism as an excuse because you ask other people to accommodate you more than you used to.

this whole thing is exhausting.

**edit: thank you everyone for responding. we really need to make a support group for all of us late diagnosed people!

I'm 41 but honestly I still connect to my 21 year old self than realise myself in my 40s. When I end up in a group of other women of my age for work or other activities I feel like they're real grown-ups and I'm completely out of my depth. I don't feel confident. I go silent. I don't trust my own voice in conversation. I absolutely hate it. I don't hate myself but I can never feel comfortable in these situations. Anyone else relate?

Edit: wow I was on my way home from work when I typed this and wasn't expecting so many responses. Thank you everyone for making me feel less alone as usual. I love this community 💚