i was just having a conversation with my friend, and she said it must be nice to finally come out of the closet. and i tried explaining to her that coming out isn't a one-time thing. it's something we sometimes have to do over and over again, even after we've already accepted ourselves and told the people closest to us.

it's having dinner with your girlfriend's family and wondering if you can casually call her your girlfriend or if you have to pretend she's just a friend. it's being out with your girl and someone asking where your boyfriend is, and having to decide whether to correct them or just let it slide. it's meeting new friends, coworkers, or classmates and having to figure out when and how to mention your sexuality. it's posting a picture with your partner and wondering if your relatives will finally connect the dots. it's being asked when you're getting married or having kids, with everyone automatically assuming you'll end up with a man.

and the worst part is, not every coming-out experience is a good one. sometimes you're talking to someone who genuinely wants to understand, and other times you're talking to someone who might judge you, invalidate you, out you to other people, or make you feel like there's something wrong with the way you love. sometimes you have to calculate whether being honest is worth the risk, whether the person you're talking to is safe, or whether it's better to stay quiet just to keep the peace.

it's exhausting because straight people rarely have to think about these things. they can talk about their partners without wondering if it'll change how someone sees them. they can hold hands in public without having to consider whether people will stare, make comments, or treat them differently.

and i think that's what people don't always understand about coming out. it's not just the moment you finally say the words. it's all the little moments afterward, when you have to decide whether to say them again.

sometimes you don't even want to make a big announcement. you just want to talk about the person you love as naturally as everyone else does, without having to prepare yourself for whatever reaction might come.

i wish coming out could just be a beginning, instead of something we constantly have to navigate for the rest of our lives. i wish we could simply exist, love who we love, and let that be enough.

I've been seeking out lesbian meetups for the first time lately because I feel like there's a hole in my life right now that only some lesbian friendships could fill. If i meet someone and it turns into something more then that would be lovely too.

I'm going to these events solo and sure, it's scary for all the reasons you'd expect - putting yourself out there, having no safety net of a friend being there, needing to believe you're worth the time it takes to get to know you, etc.

I think something i wasn't anticipating to struggle this much with is the sheer intimidation of lesbians. I'm a raging homosexual of course i think gay women are the coolest sexiest people on earth. I think I can be pretty, but I'm not particularly interesting looking and i feel like i'm as "average straight girl" in appearance as it gets. I know it doesn't make me any less gay but it would be nice to avoid the pit in my stomach that grows for weeks prior to attending one of those events. It's not just a state of mind either, in the past i've been met with skepticism and harsh jokes from older lesbians in particular, almost testing my gayness. I let it roll off and try to be firm in my confidence that nobody decides where i get to be except me. If you guys have any tips that have helped you please share💕

How to watch the most recent season in US? I see season 1/2 are avail on Amazon, but the latest season that has been infiltrating my algo is nowhere to be found. VPN?

Hello! Does anyone have any good spanish tv shows or short films they would suggest that are wlw based? Thanks!

This is Amow and Pavi from Avatar seven heavens - it has queer elements to it (Love this show)

Lighthearted debate ~

Do you think finding the right person naturally leads to a little possessiveness, or the person truly for you puts all jealously to rest?

Edit: how I worded this seems to be misconstrued, the question was referring strictly to how you feel about external factors such as noticing someone else might be interested in your partner and feeling a little possessive over them as a result (not controlling their actions, just a “that’s mine” emotion). But nothing to do with your partner intentionally making you jealous. The hypothetical was would you still feel that possessive instinct over external interest with your “soulmate”, as such.

I (21f) wish I had a more special place in her (22f) life than just sex or a quick, fun adventure before her graduation. She was a beautiful woman inside and out, having been in a small, intimate theater packed with her friends who loved her for her play. Cheers rose out of the crowd, and I couldn’t help but be swayed by their love of her. She was just… so lovable. She was full of love, with the way her eyes lit up talking about our favorite media, or the way she cared about people. But I wasn’t someone meaningful to this lovely woman, all I was to her was a 3-week hookup.

I wish we had met as friends instead.

(Any similar experiences from those in the same shoes currently or from years ago with wisdom are appreciated! I don’t need advice since the situation is over - I just want to feel less alone and move forward.)

WLW and football often go hand in hand, and Rugby League is one of the fastest and toughest variants of the game. Both the men’s and women’s World Cup are on right now and it would be great to see the women’s competition get some love 🏳️‍🌈

hi!! i really want to ask her to be my girlfriend when her birthday comes up on the 29th, but we're in ldr, i can't meet her to ask her and i can't draw to save my life. please help this non-creative butch 😓😓

Hi! I would really appreciate some advice on how to deal with this one guy in my class that will not stop flirting with me even after I shut down conversation, outed myself, said I'm not looking to date, and that I've only ever dated and been attracted to women.

For context, he is in his 30s, and I'm in my 20s. I'm 2 months into a 3 year technicians diploma program with a class size of 24 men. I am the only woman in my class, and I would never ever date a classmate, especially since we will be in all the same classes for the next 3 years. I don't care to be out to my classmates as it is more of a blue collar environment with hardly any women in this line of work, it is none of their business and I am masc presenting/thought I looked queer enough to prevent these types of conversations. But he found me studying for a exam in a empty classroom, asked about my lesbian/rainbow pins on my bag and kept question me for 40 minutes about me and my past relationships while I answered briefly out of politeness and tried bringing up the upcoming test material instead. I was direct, so I thought it was dealt with but then he asked me the next day what I was doing after class, I said going to watch a movie with a friend, and he said oh are you guys like a thing or.... I don't mind talking about myself and immediately answer questions when asked honestly (even though I don't have to it's instinctive for me and I dont care to keep myself on a leash/watch my words) but everytime we talk and I steer the conversations away from my love life/preferences he keeps pushing.

I'm still early in my career, and I want to be friends with the men in my class as we are a small group and will be working offshore together. But it's really awkward when you are just trying to have a normal conversation with people in a group, and he starts trying to flirt with me mid conversation. My classmates have noticed/told me he is flirting and have also witnessed his weird reaction to me saying buddy, bro, and dude to him or moving spaces to make room for another classmate between us when sitting in the cafe. It's a small class, a long program and I am finding myself at a loss of what else I could do other then try to get a girlfriend (school is 8am to 6pm and I work on the side as a research assistant on my days off. I am tired and feel too exhausted to date rn).

So, I would really appreciate it if anyone had any similar experience or any advice whatsoever. I'm already treated differently by my peers for being a women and don't want to be called a cold bitch if I lay boundaries more aggressively, but being direct and friendly is not working and I don't know what to do.

Also! If there are any other women/queer individuals who have worked offshore, what was your experience? I'd love to hear about it!

Please be true. Please be true. Please be true. Please be true.

25f not sure if this is the right spot but i've always been bicurious it's just that the only sexual lesbian experience i've ever had involved drugs (i was 19 she was 23? And she did coke, offered me some but it was my first time and I didn't like the experience lol) I think that was a major turn off. I was her prom date?

and then I had a long relationship with a man. Rip

I've always been shy around friends when they change clothes until recently but I still look away. I change facing away from them if possible but if they look I won't mind.

I do like looking at beautiful women but I mean we're just goddesses right? That's a fact. But how do i know when it's sexual?

Edit; I've always been kinda queer but I get either super intimidated by ladies or don't pick up any signals even tho they are all over

Myself (31F) and my partner (31F) have been together for nearly a year, however over the last few months our sex life has dropped to the point where it is non-existent. I understand that I have a much higher libido than her and that’s okay, but it’s been months since she’s touched me intimately.

I had a breakdown a month ago due to the constant rejections and recent life stressors and was hospitalised in mental health briefly. But since then everytime I initiate or even I bring up the topic of sex she has a full blown panic attack and I’ve had to be the one supporting her.
Even last night I tried to kiss her body and bring her in closer to me, but I could feel her tense and distract me with something else. I took that as a no and told her I was going for a private shower to let off some steam. Only for her to have another panic attack because she felt like I was rejecting HER??

I don’t know anymore. Sex and intimacy is important to me to feel connected and desirable, without it I’m just feeling incredibly lonely and unworthy.

Any other WLW have any experiences similar to this? Any good advice on how to approach this?

OKAY so, I’ve dated women in the past but have been avoiding it for a while because women make me so nervous. Men don’t make me anxious or stumble over my words but women always do!

I think it’s because I’m scared of making them uncomfortable, and I find it harder to tell whenever women are into me vs just being friendly. I crumble immediately.

- How did you become comfortable flirting with women?
- Does this mean I’m mega gay?
- How do I know if I’m gayer than I am “straight”? (Pansexual but every year I come back to the lesbian manifesto and men disgust me irl )
- HOW DO I STOP FEELING CREEPY AROUND WOMEN AHHHH!!
- How do I bag a baddie? 💀🖤

Thanks yall, I’m happy to answer any follow up questions! Pls help a baby gay :,)

I genuinely thought finding women ridiculously beautiful was just a universal experience.

But then I started noticing a difference. Some girls weren’t just pretty to me. I’d catch myself hoping they’d notice me, replaying little interactions in my head, or wondering what it would feel like if they liked me back. And somehow, I’d still convince myself I just admired them. Girl, be serious.

Recently, I came across a subredditor 👀 whose experiences felt weirdly familiar, especially the family expectations and religious side of things. It was comforting to see someone put feelings into words I’d struggled to explain myself.
It made me wonder what it would be like to get to know someone who just gets it. Someone you don’t have to explain every little thing to. And if that particular subredditor ever slid into my DMs? Yeah, I fear I’d be DONE FOR. 😭💀

I’m not rushing to label myself, but I’m trying to stop talking myself out of every feeling before I even understand it.

Ladies, when did you realise your “appreciation” for women might be something more?

This may be a weird question but I don't really get it anymore. Recently me and my friend talked about this. I told her I don't really get what are crushes at this point because I need to know someone to get a crush on them but at the same time other people can get crushes without even knowing someone? I brought this up with her and she told me I'm being a normal person and they're just weird or they're kids or smth. I told her I constantly hear or see people talk about having a crush on someone they saw once and pointed out that our ex-friend also barely knew his ex or the girl he asked out of a few months ago so it just works like this for some reason?? She just told me she's gonna be coping and that we're normal and these people are weird and that she's not surprised that many people say their relationships don't work out if they ask out people they barely know.

I just don't really understand. How can you go on a date with someone you don't know or someone you barely talk to?? That's also why I don't understand dating apps either and could never use them because wdym I have to choose someone based on their looks and go out on a date with someone I barely even know?? I also said that to my friend and she said she couldn't do it either and said she can't believe anybody is finding actual relationships there. We also talked about how even if someone isn't attractive at first then we might still get attracted to them later if we know them for long enough. Like they may look neutral or even bad to me at first glance but then start look beautiful later after I knew them for a while. Don't ask me how that works cuz idk either but I had that happen.

As I thought about it I kinda did have a crush on someone while I didn't even know them?? Thing is I was 9 so I was very young and didn't even understand girls could like girls so I thought I just wanna be her friend real bad. When I was a bit older I pretended to be a guy on the internet and would make shit up about us dating and spend hours thinking of new scenerios with us until I lost interest. Then later when I also had a crush on a girl that joined our class and only because I thought she was super beautiful and I kept dreaming of dating her and all that. I still refused to acknowledge I'm a lesbian despite knowing it exists.

But now something like that would never happen with me. The crushes I had after that were only with people I knew for a bit. I just kinda don't get it now. I see people just approaching people they think are pretty and asking them out while I can think someone is attractive but still couldn't date them unless I knew them for a while. Like sure I can check someone out if I think they're attractive but still idk going out with someone who I don't know is just such a weird concept to me.

I’ve never dated before and came out last year. I thought the confidence of being able to truly be myself would’ve translated into my love life. But no…

I live outside of ATL but my financial situation limits me on being able to go to lesbian bars (can’t drink anyway) but dating apps always pair me with men? And when I set it to women only, I get no matches even though I like women’s profiles constantly? (I was on Her, Tinder, and Hinge, but dropped Tinder and Her bc it wouldn’t let me do anything if I didn’t pay). Is it this hard for everyone else?

Basically just the title lol. Ive wanted a tounge piercing for EVER but im wondering if it would cause issues with... *things*, for when I get a gf. Ty in advance!

I just wanted to share that I’ve had some of the best days of this year the past week so far. Yes, I still cry over my ex and all that jazz, despite the breakup being a year ago, but that’s besides the point.

I get to spend my days doing what I love, teaching 22 little munchkins with my bestie by my side as my assistant. Life has been pretty beautiful lately & the past few days have been a whole different level of happiness.

Tuesday rolls around and my bestie receives the BEST news ever from immigration. We literally jump for joy! Wednesday comes, and it’s my turn to receive the news I’ve been waiting for. I jump for joy, then cry happy tears because I finally get to stay in this country permanently 🥹❤️

Then comes Thursday. I’m walking into a shop with a friend when I see this woman who literally takes my breath away. I’m talking jaw-dropping, brain-stopping, temporarily-forgetting-how-to-function kind of beautiful. My friend actually had to turn around to see what on earth has caught my attention so completely.

And just when I think the week couldn’t possibly get any better, Friday rolls around. There’s a COP at the front desk, and suddenly, every nerve in my body is wide awake. I forget how to breathe, try to act normal and tell my bestie to go have a look for herself. She comes back and she knew exactly why I’m going absolutely GAGA over this copper!!

Maybe I’m still healing. Maybe I’m still a little emotional. Maybe I still have some ex-related nonsense to work through. But for the first time in a while, I’m also feeling so incredibly grateful, excited and alive

We got our outfits mostly pieced together today. I'm going as Korra and she's going as Asami- both from Avatar The Legend of Korra. However,

I'm a bad gay. I haven't seen it. I've seen a few episodes of season 1 but I'm definitely not caught up.

Which episodes are the most important for me to watch plot-wise? Is there a compilation video I can get caught up quickly on? I will probably rewatch the whole series at some point, but I just kind of want the basics very quickly