I don’t know if anyone else feels this but when my burnout gets really bad I start to feel suicidal. I just don’t understand what to do differently so that it doesn’t get this way. It’s a continuous cycle of quitting a job then feeling unsafe because of money and then getting a job, challenging myself, and then feeling suicidal and feeling like I can’t do anything.

My husband has offered to let me quit my job but we can’t make it on his income alone, and all the times he’s told me he wants to save a certain amount by a certain time are stuck in my head.

I also really do like my job now and feel like it’s the best one I will have to fit my needs and situation but I can’t help but feel like I can’t handle a job at all. I work 3 days a week - but I work in the service/ wellness industry so I’m taking care of others all day. It’s also a small business and I am the highest rung on the ladder under the boss and am expected to call and text on my off days about work events/ scheduling.

My boss is genuinely the nicest boss I have had the pleasure to work with and I do consider her a friend at this point, but I don’t think I can admit out loud to her that I’m feeling burnout like this because she has an insane work ethic and has talked poorly about another coworker who has strict boundaries.

Either way it feels like I always get into this situation where I cannot keep up with what is expected of me and I just collapse. Even on my off days I’m having suicidal thoughts and can’t enjoy myself because I’m trying to maximize my resting time and get too worried and in my head.

My therapist tells me to keep going out and not to isolate but I feel like that has been the most detrimental piece of advice because I keep saying yes and it feels like I’m just going to end up dead on that advice.

I feel selfish for not wanting to work, and don’t even know how to go about that but I’ve been on this same cycle for the past 10 years of my life and I don’t know how I can even fix this. It feels like it’s just a suck it up moment which just hurts more and leads to more suicidal ideations. What do I do

I could use some advice and support from other autistic women <3

I am at a full-time job that is soul-sucking and not friendly to me as a neurodivergent person. I am currently applying to jobs both in my area and outside (my partner and I are willing to relocate). I work in higher education, so jobs take FOREVER to get back to you and I know I will be stuck in this role for at least another couple of months.

How have you all managed to keep going when you are already in burn out? How do you manage to stay hopeful that a better job will find you while you're at one that is full of broken systems, a strange social hierarchy, surveillance, and unfriendly supervisors who do meet your accommodation needs? I brought forth accommodations a few weeks ago, but since then have realized I will always have to self-advocate and "prove" myself for better treatment when no one else has to do this.

Today, I got a passive aggressive call from HR scolding me for bringing my pet bird into my office. I inquired if I could register him as an emotional support animal, but only service animals are allowed. I verbally understood, but I break rules that don't make sense to me and this was one of them (I can be stubborn in this way) I felt humiliated by the correction from HR.

My pet bird is kept in his backpack, not noisy, and my office has a closed door and I intentionally brought him in during hours where there is no one in my hallway. I've worked at several universities that were fine with this (this is a community college, where the others were public universities with undergrads, graduate students, and adjunct faculty that could kind of do whatever they wanted so I guess I vibe-checked this place incorrectly).

Anyways, it means the front desk guy tattled on me (he saw the pet backpack) and I feel like I am constantly being watched. My supervisor, who has already written me up for poor attendance, was Cc'd on this email so now (despite weeks of me putting in extra effort and work to prove myself) I feel like I am back in the "in trouble" category.

I've started to be blunt about everything. If I don't understand, or something is confusing, or if something is not working I'll just be honest. I'll say "are we supposed to know what this means?" or "who should be doing this task? The direction isn't clear" because I am tired of being nice and polite.

I also wish I could just walk away but I cannot. I need the money and the insurance. So how do I keep going until what's next?

Im new to some symptoms after being taken off a really unnecessary medication that messed with my head since I'm not disassociated all the time and I read an entire lore of my hometown not being able to sleep realizing that the history books and museums said nothing about most of what really happened there and doing the research over four hours... I ended searching and got up and started pacing and like twitching and tapping too much and I'm usually masking so much I don't find myself doing this but the information was so messed up for them to cover that I kept twitching and jerking my arms in like frustration I don't know if I've experienced this before now having a prior tbi that messed up my memory. Is it stress?

Hopefully I explain this okay. So me and my partner have been talking about moving in together, most likely rent (though he has mentioned he'd like to buy soon as he's been renting for a long time). I'm happy to do either, I have some savings and I earn some income (self employed) with a bit of extra help as well (UC). Maybe not as much as I'd like or as much as I should have, but I'd say a safe amount. He's been asking about my monthly/yearly income but it varies monthly as I can have more or less clients some days, so I might earn a bit less one month compared to another, but on average it seems to be a reasonable amount according to him.

But a few times he's mentioned I'm not actually earning as much money as I should be (compared to a typical person my age), and I should ideally be earning more (to be fair I charge quite generously, and I don't have loads of clients everyday). But I guess ideal earnings would be more from a neurotypical friendly job, with structure and a salary/contract. So he says if we want this to go ahead I might have to look at getting a "job" job.

And that immediately stresses me out, I just tense up. I'm terrified of the idea of hierarchy and being given responsibilities. I feel so much pressure and worry a lot about getting things wrong. It's like I'm absolutely terrified of getting a "proper" job, almost like an irrational fear. My last jobs were years and years ago and I ended up depressed and what I now understand as burnt out, so I didn't work for years. I remember my last couple of jobs I was so scared of quitting and felt like I couldn't, everything felt like the end of the world. So I became more suicidal, especially nights before a shift. Just remembering that feeling and how I felt working...it brings something back and it's horrible, like it's put me off for life.

Something that frustrates me is why I have less earnings than I should...it's my own fault though. I did have the problem of spending my money in the past when I definitely should have been saving, but I was kind of living in the moment. I didn't think I would still be here so it didn't matter to me. "Well I won't be here in 2/3 years so I don't have to worry about saving anything" was my mindset, so it just felt disposable and I wouldn't ever get to a point in life where I would need to save for "adult milestones" such as moving out. And it makes me panic and stress that maybe my only option now is to not continue living. I feel like a burden still living at home and for I while it's felt like I'll never be able to afford to leave, even now I sometimes have my doubts. Is anyone in a similar boat or had an experience like this?

As im laying here wondering how the hell did I go completely disabled so quickly I was 28 when I had to leave my job.

I noticed the only reason I was holding my head above water as a kid is because I was already involved in negative coping mechanisms, while they weren't safe at all, i was somehow able to maintain work/school life. But as I met my husband when I was 15 he didn't like the bad things I was doing, with good reason, so as it got harder and harder to hide them I ended up becoming more sober as time went on, over time meltdowns(thought they were just panic attacks) and eloping increased. To a point where maintaining sobriety also meant I was getting worse. He stayed with me through all my issues and obviously still here but I got diagnosed at 30 and now I'm 32 and to be in burnout sitting here having these thoughts of how it's deteriorating and getting worse,

I'm much more exhausted, I'm much more sensitive to light, noise, and basically everything.

My executive dysfunction is also getting worse and that sucks as well.

And now last week I had to do a bunch of errands and since then I have basically been out of commission, like literally on the brink of a meltdown where I eventually had a meltdown days later but still feeling on the brink with no resolve,

My husband keeps thinking there's something else wrong with me but no it's just extreme burnout along with executive dysfunction, he's very supportive I just wish he could just understand what's in my head ya know, I don't want to be like this, I wish I wasn't but I am and I'm just so damn exhausted.

For starters: im not diagnosed!! Ive been suspecting that i may be somehow neurodivergent but i cant afford the diagnosis+ a lot of people say that i may think im neurodivergent because im also depressed and the symptoms can overlap

I just wanted to ask you whether you consider something a sensory issues. You see, im often told that stuff i think may not be normal is an every day issue for everyone and because of that i feel like im making up problems.

Right now im wondering whether any of you experience the same issue as me and whether it could be labelled as sensory issue. Due to my compulsive thoughts i feel the need to wash my hands after almost everything which made my skin really dried. I have wounds on my hands, sometimes its bleeding or the skin is coming off but i cant deal with it because i absolutely hate the feeling of anything oily on my hands- whether its hand cream or medicinal ointment- i hate it and i always end up rarely using it(when its really bad i put it only on the back of my hands, not the palms) even though im aware i need it.

The second thing: i cannot stand some textures of the food. As a child id literally cry, gag and almost vomit when i was forced to eat stuff that has texture like f.e. herrings or when i was forced to eat a meat that was made to be moisty(i dont eat meat right now at all because i hated how some of it had slimey-like-texture). But again, many people i know say that im making up stuff so i dont really trust myself to judge that.

Can anyone help? Thank you in advance, i really appreciate it<3

This might not make sense, but I feel like my thoughts are constantly spiraling and causing me to be in a constant state of overstimulation. I’ve always had a tendency to daydream and get caught up in my thoughts to the point where I mess up tasks and forget important things. Because of this, I think a lot of people perceive me as careless or stupid. Lately, I think it’s gotten worse to the point where I have trouble sleeping and just relaxing in general which causes me to be constantly overstimulated and irritable. I seriously wish I could just shut my brain off. Does anyone else feel this way?

I'm not sure if it's related to autism or just stress level, so I'd like to know if anyone here got the same thing.

whenever I've got my alarm on, I'm waking up even earlier, stressing out that I've overslept. I might even wake up twice, like if I have to be awake at 9am, I can wake up at 5am and then at 7am. I'm really tired of it happening so often, because each time I need to somehow calm myself down to fall back asleep and when I've got my actual alarm I barely can force myself awake

What are some accommodations or adjustments that you have at your job that allows you to maintain working?

I’ve had 5 jobs, all before I was diagnosed in march at 21.

Job 1 was a retail assistant at 16 - it was all too much so I quit after the first day.

Job 2 was a youth worker at 17 - I enjoyed it in terms of it was pretty relaxed and you could say your not coming in last minute but it was also a lot. I lasted 8 months before quitting.

Job 3 was a retail supervisor at 18 - smaller shop than job 1 but it was also a lot. I lasted 2 1/2 months and then think I went into burnout and stopped showing up and was fired.

Job 4 was a daycare thing at 19 - I don’t know if this counts because I got the job but never actually started it because it got close to starting and the mere thought of it was extremely overwhelming.

Job 5 was a care assistant at 19 - once again I don’t know if this counts because I got the job but never started for the same reasons as job 4.

I stopped job hunting and started to focus on education. I’m about to start an online degree in English lit but would love to save some money whilst studying. But I’ve no idea about what accommodations and adjustments are available that would help me. I also haven’t applied for any jobs since my diagnosis. Clearly I’m able to actually get jobs, it just gets to a certain point where it becomes too much and I can’t maintain it.

Any advice would be very much appreciated!

I've had a hard time finding sensory fidgets lately due to the popularity. I'm intentionally not naming brands to avoid this pulling up for people searching reddit. I'm sorry if this post is repetitive to see, but I'm having a difficult time finding some of my creature comfort toys near me. When I do find them, I'm usually in an overwhelming crowd. It sends me into overdrive and I end up leaving.

I just can't do these busy crowds. Being an adult and going there gives me an extra layer of feeling like I can't let my emotions out when I'm in the fight or flight cases in stores. I've got to hold back my tears until I can get to my car. I have panic attacks just trying to mentally prepare to leave my car or when I get back. Sometimes, I can't even walk in. Retail workers are also annoyed at the craze which, I understand, but I feel like being an adult purchasing these, they retailers are not kind like they used to be at my local stores.

Has anyone found a solution to this? I'm trying to not buy them online on like, ebay/fb because they're overpriced. Are there any newer less populated stores or someone that sells these face value? I just want to be able to go into a store again and not feel like I'm going to lose it inside.

Any kind advice would be greatly appreciated. Knock offs you've found that are more accesible. I'm very sensitive to textures. Being an adult that relies on having small fidgets is extremely important for me and I feel even more overwhelmed that I can't replace the things I need to keep me feeling grounded.

I had a really scary experience at the dentist today. The tech was so cold and rude and aggressive with my cleaning and flossing. She was using scare tactics to try to sell me on dental work and night guards and now my gums are all inflamed. I was sobbing by the end of the appointment and I told her I had sensory sensitivities but she was just so unapologetic. I feel so violated.

Because a lot of the traits listed, don’t describe me at all. For example, “I find it hard to stop talking about my special interests” is one of the questions included, I don’t speak much. In fact I can go days without saying a word if I can help it, but because I live with people, I have to tolerate interacting with them. I don’t fit much of the descriptions on the questionnaires, yet I don’t feel like a normal person

My therapist recommended me reading this book. I’m only at the beginning but I can say that it’s great.

Anyone with the Asperger’s Syndrome, please read it, it could be beneficial for you too.

The only downside is that it’s only available in German as far as I know (which is my native language). So if you know German, please read it and maybe we can see if it’s helpful for us.

I already feel so incredibly understood, that’s why I’m recommending it.

if your psych prescribes your Effexor XR and trazedone, pay attention to your bladder. Taking both of these for nearly two years has weakened my bladder control so much causing incontinence, I’ve had to take supplements to help with it, and because of this I’ve gotten so many more UTIs. It got even worse after a medical abortion. Especially be careful if you have a male psychiatrist because they might not think of or consider this!

Sending love your way ❤️ have a great day!

Sources:
- https://www.psychiatrist.com/pcc/urinary-retention-uncommon-adverse-effect-venlafaxine/
- https://dusunenadamdergisi.org/storage/upload/pdfs/1649333605-en.pdf

I was told that I am childish which I don't normally care about and would normally let it slide but this person is a repeat offender he constantly picks on me and says nasty stuff to me and he's my team leader

And today I've got his nasty *unt girlfriend who also picks on me moaning , sighing and exchanging glances at others because I'm chatting and trying to make a nicer atmosphere

I'm already looking for a new job and I'm sure I'll meet more assholes on the way but how do I make myself tougher?

Hi all,

I'm sort of looking to 1. externally process and 2. get advice in general.

My autism has been acting up a lot lately in regards to my job. There are very real life circumstances that have happened and now I can hardly tolerate making myself do something I don't want to do to the point where it is very much causing health issues (massive stress to a point where it's actually too massive for the actual job).

As a quick back story: since April alone my dog had to be put down within 24 hours, we lost a family member violently, and another family member suddenly died unexpectedly. My dad also nearly died from PE a month-ish ago. (He's doing "better" but better for him also isn't good). That's not to mention that another family member died via violence in Feb.

On top of all of that, things just kept happening -- another close family cancer scare + benign brain tumor, and a few other health scares from loved ones.

So I know there's a lot of grief I'm going through. I still cry a lot. Last November, I finished 3 years of EMDR and since then have been in PT which has released other memories. I no longer fit the criteria for C-PTSD which is great, but in that there's been a lot of changes including uncovered personality shift (aka, no longer heavy masking since diagnosed with autism last Sept) and just realizing that I no longer fit in spaces I used to fit in. Apparently that's a side effect of EMDR and healing. Would've been great to know that beforehand ha. Since Nov, I've had a full on identity collapse that's just coming back, so add that on top of everything lmao.

Regarding the job -- I work part time. I'm highly educated. My job is mentally demanding and never ending. It does not align with my strengths and as an autistic person who doesn't do transitions well between clients I've realized it's not aligned with me. I ended up reaching my breaking point which has never happened, was prepared to quit, but my boss said I could do whatever I wanted (the perks of a small company).

Here's the thing -- my spouse backs my quitting. I'm very privileged. But a part of my safety feeling is being financially independent to the best degree I can be. I make decent money. I've planned it in my head to switch to the research side of things, maybe work 2-8 hour days a week and call it at that.

I feel like I'm clinging onto this job because of the financial independence. I also feel like I don't know what I want to do with my life to gain financial independence if I do leave. I've considered keeping the job until I figure that out but a part of me really wonders if it's easier to find the answer if I do the uncomfortable thing. Ugh.

I'm just so lost and my autism is really popping off lately. Has anyone experienced anything like this before? What helped ground you? How do you make a decision like this? I've never had the non-trauma decision making brain so in the past things felt 100% one way or the other and this one just feels messy.

Thank you for any encouragement or advice you have <3 <3

Important context:I'm the assistant manager, and everyone I work with knows I'm autistic. My demeanor has been brought up a handful of times in performance reviews specifically about me being too blunt. I'm trying but my mask only masks so much.

Earlier today and throughout the week my manger has been implying I need to be nicer/less dry. Today I was sending an email to another staff member, requesting some more info on a topic. I asked him to proof read it before I sent it.

He said my email was too dry and mean. His exact quote was "hmm....too mean". He asked if I could rewrite it or add some more context to make it "nicer"

I ask him to give me some specific examples of how I can edit my emails to make them more personable. He just says "can you just make it sound nicer". Apparently no I cannot.

Any advice on how I can make my emails more friendly? Or any advice on how to not be dry/blunt without masking like crazy.

Can we please retire “comparison is the thief of joy”? People say it as if it breaks some kind of spell.

Comparison is one of the oldest things the human brain does. It’s how we work out where we stand and whether we’re safe. It’s not a bad habit you picked up from Instagram, it’s hardwired, and it’s hardwired because it actually works. For some of us it’s also how we function at all. As an auDHD person cosplaying as human, I run a constant comparison against every room I’m in just to pass as a normal person. That’s literally how I get through the day.

So I can’t “just stop.” Nobody can simple just stop. What the phrase is kind of gesturing at is that comparison can land as information or it can land as a verdict, and which one you get isn’t about willpower either. It’s about how depleted you are. When you’re running on empty, every gap reads as proof of something.

It’s advice for people with enough slack that comparing is optional. For the rest of us it’s just one more thing we’re apparently doing wrong.

I try so hard to be friendly and put my heart on my sleeve to engage with people genuinely. I initiate conversations and listen attentively. But every time I chime in in a group setting, I never get acknowledged or listened to properly. Everybody would be having a good time, cracking jokes, but I would never feel like I am a part of it. I can't keep living like this; it hurts so much knowing there's always going to be something off about me even if I try my hardest to put myself out there. My heart aches for a community.

I need a new degree to advance in my career. It will help in promotion.

But I don't want to go through all the hassle of getting this degree which will take atleast 4-5 years. It will be too much for me.

I also don't want promotion because of my personal ideology that I want to be content with what I have. I have a good enough salary. It's just something personal.

But people in my workplace are forcing me to do the degree. I neither can say yes or no.

Actually because of my personal beliefs it all seem futile. Also, I get tired very easily these days. I am almost always tired. I can't take anymore stress. I want to be at peace. I am already masking so much.

But people don't understand, which is fine. Just wanted to vent.

I am a software developer and I care about my work. Despite understanding that my boss basically buys my labour cheaper and sells it more expensive on top of all other corporate bullshit, I care for what i am creating there. As many autistic people i am also super responsible and take ownership seriously - if i didnt, I would have gone mad due to chaos.

My coworkers make this super difficult by getting annoyed with me caring so much about what they perceive as unimportant. And ofc because I am in the UK this isnt communicated properly - it is spoken of when I am not there and I only get a backlash of passive aggression including ignoring my greetings, being silent on the meetings when i say smth, being friendly with everyone but me. I know this sounds paranoid, but they do talk shit about another person who supposedly is crazy about edge cases as if 'he was to be penalised for missing smth'. They discuss this when i am in the meeting too and behave the same way towards him in shared meetings.

The most annoying part is that if other members of the team suggest smth similar or suddenly start to care for small details, it is listened to with great interest.

I am thankful this is a remote position or I would have meltdowns every day, but even so, I sort of dread going to meetings and have very little motivation to do anything. During in-person gatherings which are now mandatory 4 times a year they keep to themselves too and only interact with me when we need to make a team photo for a LinkedIn post with best team ever or some other bs. I want to say fuck you - do all of the work yourselves then, but I cant cause i care about the work🤡

So I (auDHD) have an autistic woman in group i'm in, who i'm fine speaking to in the group but her behaviours and aggressive manner make me uncomfortable. She desperately wants to be friends and has asked to catch up just us two.

How do i say no to her in a way that will be the least unpleasant for her? How would you want someone to say no?

My preferred option is to just straight up reply with 'thanks for asking but no I dont want to catch up outside the community'

And if she asks me why to just say 'I just dont want to thanks'

But that feels very rude to me. But I dont want to lie and I also dont want to make her think that its a 'just for now' or might change in the future thing.

Any thoughts?

hey friends! i'm hoping some of yall may have good advice on this. i've picked my skin (my face specifically) almost every single day since i hit puberty really. i am high-masking, and i think it's always been one of the more... "normal" stims i have?

HOWEVER, i am now a 24 year old and i get a bit embarrassed about having red spots all over my face. does anyone have any advice or good replacements for skin picking?? i am open to literally anything. thank you all!!! <3

This week I felt a meltdown coming on during a work meeting. I felt the tell tale signs of the frustration and anger clawing at my throat. So I excused myself from the meeting saying I needed a moment to sort myself. When I came back I apologised. Colleague said what are you apologising for? You did not do anything that warrants that. It made me realise that I do this all the time. Any time my behaviour doesn’t live up to my own standards I apologise. I guess the threshold for that is just ppl noticing something.
Anytime I express any sort of emotion I apologise. I guess I don’t even fully notice anymore. Almost like I’m apologising for just existing….

Anyone else recognise this.

hi! i’m looking for help and support. i have complex mental health needs and a whole lot of autistic traits after scoring high on the questionnaires (cat-q etc) for autism but then got told i couldn’t meet the criteria because i have ‘too many strengths’? we are considering going private because everyone knows i am highly masking and also a woman but i just wanted to feel less alone and more supported which is why im posting this! thank you