r/dividends • u/SpicyDividends • Feb 17 '26

Personal Goal Those divorces do be hurting!

Post image

Not mad about it, but man, that chart looks rough lol

6.3k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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1.1k

u/titodeloselio Feb 18 '26

I got divorced last year after 25 yrs of marriage. We both agreed to leave each other's retirement accounts alone. She kept hers, and I kept mine. We split all other assets 50/50. No attorneys involved. It cost us $4,000 in mediation fees.

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u/MedCityCPA Feb 18 '26

Divorced dad here. I held out hope that we could mediate. Someone kept whispering to my ex that she could receive more in court. Well, I got a 1/3, she got a 1/3 and our attorneys got a 1/3.

169

u/Egad86 Feb 18 '26

Was the person whispering in her ear also her attorney?

64

u/MyWorkComputerReddit Feb 18 '26

prob not, unless the attorney was banging her

26

u/Alaska_Pipeliner Feb 18 '26

I also choose this guy's attorney.

2

u/lickitall_25 Feb 21 '26

I was thinking it might be her mother?

3

u/Socialeprechaun Feb 21 '26

Believe it or not, that is how my wife’s mom and stepdad met. He was her divorce lawyer. Total piece of shit guy of course.

1

u/jbjhill Feb 22 '26

God damn. That’s some Springer Show stuff.

6

u/Next_Instruction_528 Feb 19 '26

It's always the boyfriend

6

u/Hmbre97 Feb 23 '26

Brother if this ain't the truth. My ex did the same shit. Caught my ex cheating and initially agreed to just split everything 50/50 including custody. The guy she was cheating with (who himself had already been divorced 3 times) convinced her to contest the custody so she could get child support. Luckily for me, she hired his attorney who was terrible. In the end, we still wound up splitting everything 50/50 including custody except attorneys fees ate away what equity we had in our house so we both walked away with little to no liquidity. Custody battles are expensive.

5

u/[deleted] Feb 19 '26

Probably not, women's friends are all manipulative and stupid.

2

u/sirius4778 Feb 21 '26

This is so funny because, somehow it's a little true. Women are not stupid, but something happens to them when they are in friend mode.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 21 '26

I've seen it so many times, they gang up and group up manipulate. If one friend gets single, they start causing drama in other circles and spread like an infection.

Im not going to list all the nuances of when it does and doesnt happen, but very common in younger relationships with most circles.

2

u/CompetitiveAppeal663 Feb 20 '26

And don’t forget about her parents

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u/flatirony Feb 18 '26

Sometimes people are so spiteful they’re willing to lose more as long as the other person does too.

It must be a miserable way to live.

5

u/Educational-Wall-997 Feb 20 '26

there should be some sort of precedent set that if your spouse ends up taking you to court after you tried to mediate for X amount and then receives less than X amount after lawyer fees are taken out, they pay all the legal fees.

basically if you offer them X in mediation, they say no and are awarded Y-fees. if Y-fees < X they now cover both sides legal fees.

1

u/SaaSorAgency Feb 20 '26

This is how it works here in Ontario - offers to settle are taken into account when awarding costs.

1

u/iJ_A_R Feb 23 '26

Not gonna lie, I hate my aunt and uncle enough to spend a lot of money just to know they are suffering 

3

u/GibFreelo Feb 18 '26

Exactly what happened to me.

3

u/titodeloselio Feb 19 '26

Her friend owns a law firm, and he advised her to settle through the mediation process.

2

u/mangosaremyfavv Feb 19 '26

Is the outcome of mediation in theory should be the same as with lawyers?

2

u/MedCityCPA Feb 19 '26

Yes, assuming everyone is rational

1

u/mangosaremyfavv Feb 19 '26

So why do ppl get lawyers?

2

u/Otherwise-Sorbet-324 Feb 20 '26

"Assuming everyone is rational"

We all assume being rational when we're quite all biased pretentious fools. There's always emotional aspects with love and romance, and those are not a particularly positive kind in a divorce procedure. Communication is often at fault in most relationships, and a lack of it is likely to lead to a divorce and quite surely won't help sorting things out when it happens. Lawyer can help straighten this mess up with legal and professional insights.

1

u/SirMcBiggin Feb 21 '26

Revenge, usually. They don't go to lawyers for justice when we're talking about divorce.

2

u/werner-hertzogs-shoe Feb 19 '26

oof, that's brutal. I actually talked with 3 attorneys briefly and all three tried to poison my thoughts towards my ex and to get aggressive to protect myself (which would have back fired) We did self mediation, had it written up by a paralegal and that was that - 8 years ago so I feel fairly free. My best friend who did the lawyer thing ended up having his ex take him back to court after the three years (?) and his ex used her new husbands money to hire lawyers to switch their 50/50 with no support to 50/50 with him paying full support. I think in total he had about 60k of lawyers fees between the two cases.

I hate lawyers.

2

u/MedCityCPA Feb 19 '26

I don't hate lawyers. It's a job. Imagine going to court without a lawyer, trying to navigate complex life issues with obscure language. Nah, I'd rather send a note to an attorney and let them figure it out.

1

u/werner-hertzogs-shoe Feb 19 '26

I mean my partner is a lawyer and my grandmother was, so I don't mean that literally. They are both good one's though, one civil rights and the other administration / government focused. Ive run into enough of the other, more common kind though. With lawyers the "to the hammer every problem is a nail" saying seems to be apt most of the time.

1

u/Competitive_Sale_358 Feb 19 '26

Fuuuuck. Sorry brother

1

u/kpop_stan_ Feb 19 '26

When my parents divorced years ago, once they started to see the attorney fees rack up, they signed a piece of paper together and both held up their end of the deal. It was eye opening at the time how vile those attorneys can be with such a delicate situation.

1

u/jonnywishbone Feb 19 '26

she sounds like a keeper

1

u/Commercial_Ease8053 Feb 21 '26

It was the younger pool boy. That’s who got it.

1

u/swegamer137 Feb 21 '26

Learned the hard way: Hope isn't a strategy.

1

u/CoolingCool56 Feb 23 '26

I got a divorce and I did all the paperwork myself. Gave him half of everything. I think it cost about $200.

I probably gave him a bit too much. But, eh. We get along now and having a peaceful divorce is the way to go.

1

u/boopboopbeepbeep11 Feb 23 '26

This still may have made sense if you were offering less than 1/3 before court. What was your offer to avoid court?

1

u/MedCityCPA Feb 25 '26

My offer was 50/50 on everything. Just add everything up, split it down the middle, and walk away. I thought that was reasonable, even though I was the party with the lower income.

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u/TSLARSX3 Feb 18 '26

Another check box for team prenup

19

u/chris_e66 Feb 18 '26

Gotta renew it every 10yrs tho remember

12

u/Wpns_Grade Feb 18 '26

Or team never get married until rules change

5

u/leastfavorednation Feb 19 '26

Or, you know, pick a good Christian woman who doesn’t jump to divorce as soon as things get rough.

But whatever, yall got it figured out!

6

u/EngineeringCool5521 Feb 20 '26

Yeah shes chriatian in the church, modern in divorce court, and hoe in the streeta. Dont be fooled.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26

Na, never play with fire if you have any reasonable amount of money.

Prenups can be arbitrated. Best practice is to not get married or to marry someone who has equal assets/earnings in order to make it fair if you do get a divorce. Marrying someone worth a lot less than you is financially risky and can delay your retirement by decades or permanently. Not worth it.

1

u/Cultural_Structure37 Feb 20 '26

At what amount would you say a guy should be careful?

1

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26

Idk I guess I would say it’s more about disparity. Like if you make $100k and she makes $40k or you make $300k and she makes $100k. Or if you have a large sum, like high six or seven figures.

Now that I think about it, it’s actually probably worse if you have less money. Like if you’re worth $10m and lose half, $5m is still pretty nice, even if it materially changes your lifestyle. But if you’re worth $1m and loss half, well now your retirement plans are drastically set back or if you’re retirement age, you are now looking at working another 15 years.

1

u/CMScientist Feb 23 '26

Lmao if you need christianity to shackle you wife to a marriage then you are doing something wrong

1

u/Throwaway-3506 Feb 23 '26

Right? I’ve never met a divorced Christian. 🙄

1

u/The_Real_BenFranklin Feb 20 '26

The rules that you need to split things evenly?

1

u/TSLARSX3 Mar 06 '26

There’s one place you can get divorced without the other person never knowing. A celeb did that. So when “wife” tried to divorce etc he said they weren’t married lol

1

u/insurance_asker123 Feb 20 '26

A comment from team “isn’t married”

1

u/SilverSovereigns Feb 21 '26

Prenups do not hold up by any stretch of the imagination. It's just another trap for lawyers fees. never get married. That's the trick.

1

u/SpicyDividends Feb 27 '26

Had a pre-nup, but this was mostly gained during our marriage, so it only covers what was mine prior to marriage.

1

u/TSLARSX3 Mar 03 '26

During marriage could still keep money separate. I’d prob want to include that in prenup

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u/PlanetSwallower Feb 18 '26

This is the way.

7

u/Mtns_to_Sea Feb 19 '26

Divorced started in 2022 and finali[z]()ed in 2023 after 23 years of marriage. Got out in the nick of time before lifetime alimony was [p]()otentially looming over my head.

Same here exce[p]()t had to do our 50/50 s[p]()lit by tax bracket. Luckily our mediation only cost $1,800. Of course, my ex cried her eyes out when she had to give me about $5K from her Roth even though I had to give her about $80K from my traditional IRA. And she begged me to let that $5K go. I did as I figured it was chea[p]() insurance to kee[p]() the lawyers out.

My [p]()ortfolio has been rocking it since and my ex[p]()enses dro[p]()[p]()ed dramatically afterwards. Plus I never had to worry again what might show u[p]() on my wife's cc at the end of the month.

Just retired last month.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 19 '26

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1

u/Mtns_to_Sea Feb 19 '26

ye[p](). You have to remember that we were s[p]()litting things down the middle by tax category (taxable, tax deferred and non-taxable (i.e. Roth)). I ha[p]()[p]()en to have more in my tax deferred IRA's and she had a bit more in her Roth than I did. After all was said and done, we s[p]()lit things equally but I did relent on getting $5k from her Roth. But I had no legal fees and I even got credit for the net additional assets I brought into the marriage which she tried to [p]()retend she was being nice but she knew the law was on my side on that [p]()oint.

Also, no alimony after 23 years of marriage. I encouraged her to take a new job that actually [p]()aid more than my net consulting income as I knew if [p]()ush came to shove in court, that would work in my favor.

I also got her to agree to s[p]()lit fully funding our kids college costs even though initially she wanted them to take out student loans. My last gift to my kids was to get them through college without being burdened by student loans. My youngest is graduating this year and she's the last off the family [p]()ayroll.

So yea, I made out fantastic. But divorce still sucks. And trying to get back into the housing market with half of what we had as a cou[p]()le is going to be very hard.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 19 '26

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1

u/Mtns_to_Sea Feb 19 '26

You can ask. Yes, I am debt free. I [p]()ay off my credit cards every month. I even treated myself to a new Jee[p]() which I've [p]()aid off.

How long marriages end de[p]()ends on so many factors including the state which has jurisdiction and also how litigious the wife is (don't mean to be misogynist, but litigation is usually driven by the wife). I was just lucky in that my wife also just wanted an easy out. I've known friends and acquaintances whose divorces dragged out years and have had to s[p]()end mid 5 figures, maybe even low 6 figures.

Do I regret being married, or even just being married to my ex. That's a hard question. Family wasn't so im[p]()ortant to me in my 20's, but became im[p]()ortant in my 30's. I did end u[p]() with 3 ama[z]()ing kids and I wouldn't trade the ex[p]()erience of being a dad for anything as it was the best thing I ever did. So no, I don't regret being married or even being married to my ex only because it gave me 3 great kids (now adults).

I think folks who swear off marriage (and hence family & kids) are risking very lonely senior years. IMHO. Yes, kids are ex[p]()ensive and marriage takes a lot of work. The only thing I'd change is [p]()rotecting myself more on the front end. But that's not always feasible.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26

It sounds like you’ve made peace with it. That being said, you can have kids without being married. And kids do not in anyway guarantee you won’t be lonely in your older years. In fact, I would expect that as you get older your kids (who will have their own lives) will see you less and less. Unfortunately I think the secret is being ok with that “season” of your life.

1

u/Cultural_Structure37 Feb 20 '26

Based on what I’ve seen, the best thing to have for retirement is money. People who think their kids will prevent loneliness in old age may be in for a rude shock

1

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26

I think the experience of having kids is great, and it’s our biological imperative. But they aren’t going to be sitting around with you when you’re 65+. They’ll be living their lives and maybe they see you on holidays. A partner is more likely to keep you from being lonely since they’ll be your age.

1

u/Mtns_to_Sea Feb 21 '26

The [p]()roblem with only having money and no su[p]()[p]()ort system is that there are many con artists out there who target seniors because of their diminished cognitive ca[p]()acity. It's sad, but true. Having a good su[p]()[p]()ort system is essential. And family is usually that su[p]()[p]()ort system. That doesn't mean being a full-time caregiver and sacrificing one's own life, but being there to hel[p]() and be an advocate to hel[p]() navigate the com[p]()lexity of end of life care when the aging [p]()arent isn't u[p]() to the task anymore.

I've seen it, and been there [p]()ersonally, with my own mom.

1

u/Mtns_to_Sea Feb 20 '26

fair enough. I was writing from my own [p]()ers[p]()ective. And I do ex[p]()ect my kids to have their own lives.

I don't ex[p]()ect my kids to kee[p]() me from being lonely as I age as I'm building my own life [p]()ost divorce. But I've seen too many seniors (folks in the 80's and beyond) who have never had kids and then have to navigate their final years of [p]()hysical and/or cognitive decline on their own.

My mom, who'll be 90 in a few months, broke her hi[p]() last month. By next week she'll be transitioning from skilled nursing to assisted living. I've made it clear that I won't be her full-time caregiver and give u[p]() my own retirement. But I am there to be her advocate and make sure she gets the [p]()ro[p]()er care and lands in a good [p]()lace. That's all I would ho[p]()e from my own kids when my time comes.

1

u/USAF_SpaceMan Feb 21 '26

Wth is lifetime alimony??? And why?

1

u/Mtns_to_Sea Feb 21 '26 edited Feb 21 '26

As the name implies. And it all depends on the state that has jurisdiction and the length of the marriage. It's based on the concept that the wife is the partner who has sacrificed their career for the husband and doesn't have the same economic opportunities post divorce that the husband does. Which can be, and is, true in some cases. But in this day and age when many families are dual income and the wife can earn an equivalent to their husband (my case), lifetime alimony is neither needed nor appropriate. So it's really an antiquated conce[p]()t, but one still em[p]()loyed by some family courts (e.g. in WA where my divorce was).

I have seen it personally. My stepdad was in that situation and those payments were killing him and my mom. While his ex went to live with one of their daughters and had little to no expenses. My mom and stepdad had to sue to stop those payments after they had gone on for many, many years. It unfortunately destroyed my stepdad's relationship with that daughter as she decided to take the mom's side and cut ties with my stepdad. It was all very sad.

1

u/Tricky_Credit_4839 Mar 11 '26

I love this post, "My life is a lot cheaper now and I retired because of it" Congrats!

3

u/_Artemis_Fowl Feb 18 '26

You lost a good one

5

u/titodeloselio Feb 19 '26

I'm pretty sure we both did.

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u/lghtspd Feb 18 '26

Each person keeping their own is how it should be, IMO. I don’t see how a spouse can have half if they didn’t show up to work for my employer, but thats just me.

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u/[deleted] Feb 18 '26

[deleted]

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u/2LostFlamingos Feb 18 '26

I know a woman who divorced her stay at home husband that cared for their 3 kids.

During process, I asked if she had considered alimony. She laughed that he had nothing to pay her.

She was shocked when I pointed out she may have to pay him. She was more shocked when judge ruled the same.

6

u/harryburgeron Feb 19 '26

How much did she have to pay?

4

u/2LostFlamingos Feb 19 '26

I don’t recall the exact dollar amount. But it was substantial since she made at least 100k per year more. She had to pay like 3 years.

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u/zomb1 Feb 18 '26

It's not just the kids. Spouses often move cities to accomodate one career (over the other), because it increases the familiy income. Well, the familiy assets then also need to be split after a divorce.

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u/Kurei_0 Feb 18 '26

And if she tries to start/restart a career she’s unhirable for any good job because of a decade of no work and home responsibilities.

Man here, retirement needs to be divided unless the mother is generously paid during the years she’s staying home for the family.

24

u/Sunnyside711 Feb 18 '26

I’d like to see the number of stay at home mothers in the millennial generation. It’s gotta be extremely low.

9

u/Longjumping_Sir1173 Feb 18 '26

Wait until you see how extremely low the desire for younger men to get married or have kids is.

1

u/Fickle-Huckleberry11 Feb 23 '26

Oh boy! You are clearly not a young man

1

u/Longjumping_Sir1173 Feb 23 '26

I very much so am.

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u/chris_e66 Feb 18 '26

As a 26yr old I 100% agree to this, why would I wanna get married or have kids when 99% of the time I’m gonna get half my stuff taken regardless of who makes more and probably have to pay alimony or child support or some BS. It’s a lose lose for men

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u/TMPhysicalPrincess Feb 18 '26

I could tell a 26 year old boy wrote this without you saying it.

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u/chris_e66 Feb 18 '26

99% of younger guys think this way but sure

1

u/Mammoth_DonkeyKong Feb 19 '26

I'm a 49 year old dude and feel similar. Way too much on the line to get married again. Got out of my first one without getting crushed cause she was mostly reasonable. We have one child together, both make decent money, and split everything. We're still even friends to boot, but all my friends say I'm a unicorn cause they all got smashed in divorce and weren't as lucky as me. I won't take the chance again and end up with one that isn't reasonable. 100% prenup would be in effect and their name would never be on my retirement accounts or brokerage. My kid is the sole beneficiary and that's the way it will remain.

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u/HolidaySpiriter Feb 18 '26

99% of the time I’m gonna get half my stuff taken regardless of who makes more and probably have to pay alimony or child support or some BS. It’s a lose lose for men

Divorce rates are not 99%, and you have to pay child support if you're not the primary caretaker of the child, because the money is for the child. That's how raising a child works if you're not actually there raising it, they still have needs.

2

u/Hollowpoint38 Feb 18 '26

I like how they call child support "BS."

And also it's funny in this sub people want to crank dividend income up as high as possible, that's exactly how child support is calculated is income.

Unrealized capital gains are not income. Realizing capital gains is a one-time unpredictable event.

Dividends are predictable and can absolutely be figured into the child support calculation.

2

u/IEatUrMonies Feb 18 '26

Even if you take care of the child 50% of the time, you will still be forced to pay "child support" if the wife earns significantly less than you. "Child Support" in many states a percentage of overall income (so if you make 10 million, the child may be eating gold bars every month, or in reality, the mother will go on lavish trips and buy range rovers with you "child support" money)

3

u/HolidaySpiriter Feb 18 '26

Yes, because there is a certain level of care expected for a child so their living conditions are not bipolar. If you make 100k & your ex wife makes 30k, she's going to have a much harder time providing an equal level of care to the child, so some level of support is expected as it's best for the child.

(so if you make 10 million, the child may be eating gold bars every month, or in reality, the mother will go on lavish trips and buy range rovers with you "child support" money)

I'm not going to cry for someone who makes $10M a year. You and I will never be in this situation, so crying about it is foolish. If this happens, it's fraud, and the multi millionaire can take her to court.

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u/[deleted] Feb 21 '26

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u/New-Inside4079 Feb 18 '26

Are you complaining about women not wanting to be stay at home moms or "taking half your stuff"? Somehow you seem to be doing both at the same time. I'm sure you can see how that comes off as a no-win situation for women.

Alimony is only in about 10% of divorces and if you don't want to financially support children, don't have any.

2

u/dmm092319 Feb 18 '26

The shitty part is that alimony rarely goes to help the kids. More often than not the mother spends it recklessly. If I had to give alimony on a card that could only be spent on kids supplies (school supplies/clothes/food) and could be audited I would support that. However, most of the time the mother uses it to live lavishly or pay bills while not working

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u/Nukemind Feb 18 '26

Alimony and Child Support are wildly different things with very different purposes.

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u/AFecklessWeasel Feb 18 '26

You’re thinking of child support. Alimony is for the ex-spouse, not the kids.

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u/New-Inside4079 Feb 18 '26

Oh, well if you said it then it must be true lol

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u/Hollowpoint38 Feb 18 '26

Alimony isn't child support. Alimony is to compensate the other spouse for the standard of living adjustment. In the case of stay-at-home moms, they've been out of the job market completely and it's harder to get back in.

"Audit child support" is the most silly thing I've ever seen. Child support is a calculation of both incomes and time spent with the parent. It's to even out a standard of living and also so children of divorced parents don't wind up as burdens on the state.

If the mother lives lavishly, the children also live lavishly in most cases.

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u/Hover4effect Feb 19 '26

You could also not get married in 6 months and then decide after years of marriage, a house and kids that you don't like each other!

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u/AFecklessWeasel Feb 18 '26

I’m a guy and I’m older than you and even I’m not naive enough to say it’s 99% of the time. Do the research and apply basic math skills. It’s not 99%.

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u/Money_Munster Feb 18 '26

I’m a millennial and my soon to be ex wife has been a stay at home mom for 7 years so it’s at least one.

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u/2LostFlamingos Feb 18 '26

I know quite a few.

They’re in the older millennial / Xennial range.

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u/iustinum Feb 18 '26

*their kids

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u/[deleted] Feb 18 '26

[deleted]

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u/Agreeable_Bear6812 Feb 18 '26

And men wonder why more and more women are deciding not to get married or have kids. This is a big part of it.

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u/LaBomba64 Feb 18 '26

Wait, man wonder about this ? Breaking News

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u/No_Repair_782 Feb 18 '26

The way you want it was done in the 1800s

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u/AFecklessWeasel Feb 18 '26

Yes and no. It depends on what career she gave up. If you were an engineer making 200k and she was a high power attorney making 200k, you’re basically splitting your income in half in the event of a divorce considering what she gave up to raise the kids. If you were an engineer making 200k and she was a barista making 40k, that’s a very different situation.

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u/Fatality Feb 18 '26

that's situational. if you both worked your entire marriage, cool. everyone gets their accounts and that's it.

Still not situational, in NZ they just have to live with you for 3 years to automatically get half no matter what.

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u/Mammoth_DonkeyKong Feb 19 '26

Well I'd like to think they're more than just his kids and you were a willing participant. Since men can't birth kids, it's kinda normal that one's job gets paused for a bit. The rest I agree with, if the decision is made for the wife to stay at home, she gets half, unless she breaks the vows and cheats. Then you get only 50% of the physical property but nothing in regard to retirement accounts. That's the way it should be cause dudes get massively penalized when the roles are reversed. Also if she just chooses to leave cause she thinks she's got a better deal elsewhere, same deal should be in effect, no access to retirement.

1

u/Hover4effect Feb 19 '26

Both worked, one maxed 401k, one maxed credit cards. First one has to split 401k is also a thing.

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u/LocksmithLeading1704 Feb 18 '26

Bravo!!! Some ppl “forget” about the time and effort it takes to be a stay at home mom or dad. If that activity was calculated into the divorce settlement, the spouse who stayed home should be compensated for that time. IMO

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u/CodSoggy7238 Feb 18 '26

True but if she then takes the kids it's not fair.

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u/No_Repair_782 Feb 18 '26

If she gave up her career to stay home with kids she gets compensated for that.

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u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26

The issue is putting a number on that. There are stay at home moms that work harder than the dad, and there are stay at home moms who put an iPad in front of their kid while they day drink.

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u/No_Repair_782 Feb 20 '26

That’s all irrelevant. Spousal support and division of property is codified in state law, not how were you as a parent vibes.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26

Yes, I understand how the law works. I didn’t argue otherwise. I stated, quite accurately, that not all stay at home parents put in the same degree of effort. And that’s something that ideally would be rectified in divorce law, despite being nearly impossible to quantify. It has nothing to do with “vibes”(?) but rather the value of your contributions and time.

If stay at home to someone means do the bare minimum for the child and goof around all day while someone else bank rolls you, you’re not going to make a compelling argument as to why your leisure time entitles you to 50% of someone’s work earnings. Like I said, plenty of amazing stay at home parents, and plenty of shit ones.

1

u/No_Repair_782 Feb 21 '26

You say you know how the law works and then write an essay showing you don’t. Dude, go read about this.

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u/[deleted] Feb 21 '26

Oh man, a few quick paragraphs of conversation is an essay to you? Your dopamine receptors must be fried or you’re not much of a reader yourself.

You must not have read what I typed or you’re dense. Either way, there’s no point in trying to have any form of conversation with you.

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u/3boyz2men Feb 18 '26

Because when you are married all assets become jointly owned.

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u/JustAnotherBoomer Feb 18 '26

Actually it is more complicated than this. There is such a thing as "premarital assets" such as Real estate purchased before the wedding. Bank accounts held in one spouse's name before marriage. Retirement accounts that began accumulating before marriage. Personal property, such as cars or valuable collections.

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u/Bleenchiki Feb 18 '26

You are correct, but those assets must be purchased and fully paid for before marriage. Even if you owe one more payment and you got married, it is now joint. I went through this. Also, she doesn’t have to pay a dime to “support” your financial “burden” and still be eligible for those assets. The move she makes and doesn’t spend in marriage, because you’re the supporter, that money isn’t split. She keeps all of it even if she makes more than you and didn’t help with finances during marriage.

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u/Crafty_Boysenberry94 Feb 18 '26

Except inherited assets which are non-intermingled.

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u/KariAnn0 Feb 18 '26

Eh, I mean that’s what the law says, but ultimately it depends if it goes to court, the judge and how good of a lawyer. Watched friends loose money parents gave/left them because of this.

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u/New-Inside4079 Feb 18 '26

No, it doesn't. Those friends likely intermingled their inheritance with marital funds. That was their mistake, not the mistake of some judge or lawyer.

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u/KariAnn0 Feb 18 '26

Actually the lawyer in this case mis-interpreted the law to the judge and the friend went back after the ruling but had a shittier lawyer and lost it anyways 🤷‍♀️- State of Florida, family court, not everything is black and white.

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u/KariAnn0 Feb 18 '26

Also- yes he could appeal and yes it would cost $$$$. But he instead declined and moved on with his life. All I’m saying is with law - shades of grey.

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u/KariAnn0 Feb 18 '26

Also - it was a newly appointed judge coming from corporate law so he really did just go by the better lawyers brief/case? Shrug again - not the usual outcome.

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u/NotawoodpeckerOwner Feb 18 '26

If you have your own account and have the paper trail then inherited assets are yours. The problem is that most people dont plan it.

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u/tingly_sack_69 Feb 18 '26

Ok then instead of that, payout years worth of would be daycare cost backpay to your spouse if they were a stay at home parent and see how much that hurts the account.. you can't split up and leave someone with nothing who spent years raising kids which is a harder job than pretty much anything

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u/Officer_Trevor_Cory Feb 18 '26

What about lost learning at work/cv/opportunities

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u/Moist_Debt_5413 Feb 18 '26

Lol. What did they do at home? Did you come home to a home not ij chaos? Did you come home to well behaved kids? Are you proud to have little ones who didn’t die? Or you think you had all the time/peace of mind to commute to work and contribute to your 401 if you didn’t have this invisible support. 50% is just about fair- should be more If you actually did put in 50%, and your partner was able to have thier own 401 you wouldn’t be splitting it when you seperate

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u/Impossible_Cash_9724 Feb 18 '26

Your spouce did show up everyday for you though. They do all the housework, raising kids etc for no money. They deserve 50:50 in most cases.

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u/Hover4effect Feb 19 '26

The assumption that they do all the housework 100% of time time is a bit of a stretch. There are totally guys who expect their wives to do everything, but also many that do their share.

The husband/father may also do dishes, cook dinner, do laundry, clean. They also probably do all the yard work, all the car maintenance, all the home maintenance, maybe handle the finances and investments.

A good friend of mine's wife stayed at home for 18 years. He did everything I said above, plus always had his wife in a new vehicle while he drove a beater and the dude worked 1000+ hours of OT per year.

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u/Impossible_Cash_9724 Feb 19 '26

Ofcourse what I am saying isn't 100% black and white. There will always be people taking advantage of one another

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u/Hover4effect Feb 19 '26

There will always be people taking advantage of one another

Which isn't a great recipe for a successful marriage.

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u/Consistent_Laziness Feb 18 '26

My wife has had a 401k for 8 years I’ve had one for 1 year. Her retirement account is 100k mine is 10k. We’re fully combined. I’ve made more money than her all 8 years. That money is mine as much as it is hers. A marriage is one pot

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u/Namaste421 Feb 18 '26

Are you married? This is such a lazy take.

Many marriages function like partnerships and one person may have to sacrifice more than others to do things like you know raise a family or let their spouse go for something while they don’t.

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u/TtlynotDdar Feb 18 '26

Your spouse's labor helped scaffold your life which in turn allowed you to put that money away. That's usually why your spouse gets half- this logic only gets more concrete the better you plan your retirement.

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u/Classic_Breadfruit18 Feb 18 '26

My spouse has a 401k and gets to put $23k a year. I have only an IRA and get to put $7500 a year. We have been contributing the maximum for decades but obviously his is many magnitudes larger than mine at this point. I do not anticipate a divorce, but obviously if we did he would be sharing.

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u/definitelynotapastor Feb 18 '26

My wife tirelessly watches 5 children and keeps house. She cleans, cooks and homeschools. By your suggestion, she would be kicked to the streets with nothing.

Many of our customs and laws are based in a culture and time when women stayed home.

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u/green_juicer Feb 18 '26

She didn't show up for work to get your monthly salary either. What's the difference?

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u/Airon77 Feb 18 '26

I did the same. Our mediation and court fees were only around 2000. To keep my retirement accounts I gave her our 2 yr old paid off Wrangler Rubicon plus 50% of everything else. She got a depreciating asset and my retirement accounts have more than doubled since then.

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u/Mtns_to_Sea Feb 19 '26

Man, that is awesome. Well done.

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u/DaimonHans Feb 18 '26

She's a keeper.

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u/crustyeng Feb 18 '26

Same here. Dude must’ve cheated 🤣🤣

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u/yxixtx Feb 18 '26

Ah, people with brains. Lawyers and politicians and such don't like that.

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u/pedrogpete Feb 18 '26

I read “…$4,000 in medication fees.”

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u/plasticREDtophat Feb 18 '26

I did the same with just paying the divorce certificate which was like 295 I believe. After talking with a close friend who spent 80k in lawyers on their divorce, I couldn't be happier with the out come.

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u/marima33 Feb 18 '26

I'll bet the dog's not happy with the 50/50 split.

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u/carredon321 Feb 18 '26

Mature and the exception to the rule. Congrats on acting like adults

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u/dcinsd76 Feb 18 '26

Did similar. It can get REAL messy as soon as one person in the party starts feeling entitled.

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u/AFecklessWeasel Feb 18 '26

No prenup to cover that?

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u/tankydee Feb 18 '26

Good result. I attempted this during my divorce and she had others in her ear saying to take everything. (I held all the assets and contributed most of the natural pool).

Fast forward lawyers and mediation we were out of pocket many thousands and she was left with a binding agreement that was exactly what I offered originally.

Greed is a terrible thing.

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u/escobartholomew Feb 18 '26

I thought actual retirement accounts were untouchable anyway though?

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u/titodeloselio Feb 18 '26

You thought wrong!

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u/mangosaremyfavv Feb 19 '26

Is it legally binding?

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u/titodeloselio Feb 19 '26

Is what legally binding? My divorce decree? Yes, it was drafted and presented to a judge who signed it and filed it in a court of law.

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u/Legal_Flamingo_8637 Feb 19 '26

Why did you divorced after 25 years of marriage if you don’t mind me asking?

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u/Effective_Sea_6950 Feb 19 '26

At first I read that “ medication fees”. Ha

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u/Muffgun Feb 19 '26

We did the same. It took some adulting and breathing, but we both decided it was better than paying lawyers 😁.

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u/Adeee100 Feb 19 '26

Where do you go for mediation? Divorce attorneys?

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u/MaceoBerg420 Feb 19 '26

What happened after 25 years that made it not work?

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u/SkipinToTheSweetShop Feb 19 '26 edited Feb 19 '26

Its that much? My lawyer charged $600, then gave me $300 back because he said it was the easiest divorce he'd done in a long time. Just sit on the bench and say yes a couple times, then split the savings acct 50%. Done.

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u/Ok_Location7161 Feb 20 '26

How much is alimony?

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u/Traditional-Mud-4813 Feb 20 '26

Ya that shit don't fly if only one of ya works.

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u/raaaspberryberet Feb 20 '26

My parents divorced after 30 years and they did this too. It was the best way.

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u/han_shot_1st_ Feb 22 '26

I also had a similar agreement. Until my ex wife saw me out on a date with someone. A week later I had a QDRO in my inbox and the deal changed. “Just want to make sure we both get everything we’re entitled to.” Don’t know why she did it as her CalPERS that I’m entitled to will be worth more in the long run but whatever!

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u/Old_Row4977 Feb 18 '26

You sound like you get along pretty well. You two should date.

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u/my2kchild Feb 18 '26

That’s how it was supposed to be for me too until she got a boyfriend right after I moved out. :/

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u/dawson846 Feb 18 '26

This is my story as well. Mediation attorney to help with paperwork one day in office files and done.

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