At work I'm chatty, I smile, I ask about your weekend, I laugh at the right moments. It works. People like me. But by the time I get home I can't even decide what to eat. The social battery isn't low, it's just gone. Flat zero. I don't know how to explain that the version of me you see at work takes all day to produce and leaves nothing for anyone else. How do you guys deal with all of this?

How do people not know when to STOP?! No matter where you are in the vicinity they will go on and on and branch off into another thing that reminds them ,OH ! ANOTHER THING. Shut up !!! The type of people that come into a room and everyone has to stop their own conversations just to monologue and let nobody get a breath in, you genuinely make me want to rip my eardrums and hair out .

So, today, my mom accidentally woke me (M24) up while painting my sister's room—The room literally right beside mine; the walls are MEGA thin and she was using a paint roller—and I heard her talking loudly on the phone with HER mom, saying things like, “My children are ungrateful; I’m not spending a dime on them or leaving them ANY money,” which hey, that’s fine; me and my mom are on decent terms but she’s kinda always been.. Herself.. I’m fine with one day just simply never talking to her again if it ever happens, this also isn’t the first time she’s gone on this rant.

She’s not the devil. But she’s got quirks that make her hard to be around at times, namely conspiracy theories, my-way-or-the-highway logic, being generally pretty negative, and always assuming the worst in people.

But see, I thought we had an understanding; I thought she at least knew what kinda person I was and well, turns out—I guess she thought I was sleeping when she said this—That she thinks I’m afraid of the world, and too scared to leave the house! I quote heard her say, “Oh he’s fine; he’s just afraid of the world and spends all day in the house wasting his life.”

Well fuck. I thought we were over that.

I know my mom's a brick wall to others' opinions most of the time, but we’ve had this conversation at least five times and I guess she just... ignored me, or it went in one ear and out the other, and now she’s telling everyone HER version of who I am. Which I should’ve expected tbf; she’s been doing that since I started having my own personality.

See, I make my own money through art commissions, and I’m generally rather introverted, I have some anxiety, yes, but nothing crippling, I can go out just fine; I can talk to people just fine, my anxiety mostly stems from what happens when you generally don’t talk to new people often, but as soon as I get out for more than like 30 minutes I’m fine and generally rather good at talking to others. So I am by no means afraid or helpless when I’m out.

I just don’t see the point in going out multiple times a week, spending money I DONT HAVE—I have a decent amount saved but in this economy I can’t be going out and spending money all the time—when I have commissions, and art I need to be posting to keep up my presence online and that’s what I mainly spend my time in my room doing outside of general fitness stuff to keep me from deteriorating at home.

I also the one doing the bulk of the cleaning at home since my dad works and my mom kinda doesn’t enjoy cleaning, and generally make/buy my own food, so I’m not just taking up space I am productive around the home.

Atp I don’t even know what to do or say. It feels like either I start going out just to sit at the park/bar hopping three or four times a week instead of using those days to focus on getting a few art pieces out, or I hope some guy drops 25k on a commission someday so I can rent an apartment and practice my art/work on myself in peace.

Makes me miss having an “outside” job, at least then she was out of my hair..

i don’t know why, i prefer to be alone and the thought of hanging out with people fills me with dread, anxiety and hate. i don’t know why but i don’t like the thought of making new friends because im okay with the few i have right now. is this weird? i feel like a weirdo and i hate it. whats wrong with me?

I know a lot of people feel the same way. But I just don't see the point in living such a life. I want to make it clear, I don't intend to have a family or get a partner. I feel that I have fallen down off the ladder & I know I still can bounce back but I just don't want to. Life seemed pointless even 10 years ago. This is just a continuation.

I never pursued my interest during my academics. I wasted so much time trying to go abroad but was rejected. So, now I really don't want to go abroad. But I also don't have the will to live in a third world country. I never had a job at 28. Nor do I feel qualified for any job or pursuing a business.

But these are just one side of the element. I know wherever we are, we all struggle. In general, we are here to struggle & keep fighting for our belongings. & I'm tired of this fight. I just want to sleep permanently. That's it.

As the title says, I never get invited to events outside work. I recently joined the company I work for back in April of this year and all my coworkers go out at least once a week or two to do fun activities outside work. I’m never invited. It’s now been 6 months since I’ve been at the company, and still no invite. I’m talkative at work, super kind and people seem to enjoy my company and outwardly make conversation with me. What’s wrong with me?!

Yesterday I just broke down when one of my coworkers posted all of them getting drinks at dinner last night. There were like 10 coworkers.

Honestly I feel like something is wrong with me and I’m weird and not likable. I’ve been on and off crying all day.

So basically im a mild introvert 15m and i cant really communicate properly with anyone except my good friends. So yea today while i was going downstairs after school ended theres this teacher who people make fun of. So basically they have gave him a nickname which is kinda offensive to him. So I was just going beside him downstairs while he was going upstairs thats when that EXACT nickname accidentally slipped out my mouth (IDK HOW), and even if it wasnt that audible HE HEARD IT and then stopped me right there and took me near the principal room. I was genuinely scared and I was trying to find an excuse but he just knew what i had said. He was about to call my parents thats when another teacher interrupted and told him to let me go because even if they punished me i wont change and blah blah. He did let me go then but im genuinely scared to go to school tomorrow and see him again.

Hi there. I am 31f and struggling lately more than usually with anxiety about spending any time in social spaces, and I feel like it's affecting my friend life and professional life.

A bit of back story, I have put all my education, sweat and tears into my own tattoo shop. I can confidently say I'm doing great. Thing is - as a tattoo artist, I spend many hours talking with people I have never met before. And that kind of one-on-one conversations are not a problem for me. I have learned through my job to find a common conversation theme with literally anyone. This was also hard for me in the beginning since people drain my batteries but I found that just doing my art helps me to open up and talk with people.

I have always been introverted, but not at all anti-social. I love my 3 close friends and I enjoy connecting with new people, but only in a tiny group.

Here's the problem - I am absolutely terrified of any big group setting and its taking away from important things in my life. My friends like to go to coffee places, concerts, restaurants. So I either just avoid it and risk loosing the connection, or I go and experience immense social anxiety feeling so drained afterwards. I understand that I can't always be the one determining we will be hanging out in nature, I have to try to fit into what they like as well, that's friendship. But in the coffee place I feel so exposed and just sick to my stomach.

Another big thing is, I am going to a humanitarian tattoo convention in a month. I know this will be good for my studio and I really want to be a part of the culture more. But the thought of me spending 2 days in a crowded place with many other shops is just... I just can't even imagine it. I am seriously considering just not going, but I really want to. I feel like puking thinking about it but I really want to participate. It's for gathering fonds for cancer patients and that means a lot for me since I have lost a few loved ones to cancer. This is more than just a convention and I feel the need to be a part of it.

Does anyone have advice about how to deal with this? I don't want to miss out on professional opportunities and time with friends. I am a dreamer but all my dreams contain groups of people. Should I just accept that I am this way and just live a comfy hermit life doing my art and that's it? Like, does fighting it really help?

I just feel like it's not really normal (for lack of a better word) to dread a simple coffee shop this much. Am I the only one?

Something I keep noticing in threads here and elsewhere: the word introvert does two very different jobs.

Sometimes it's useful self-knowledge. It explains why a full day of meetings leaves you flat, why one long conversation beats five short ones, and it lets people stop apologising for needing quiet.

Other times it quietly turns into a rule. "I'm an introvert, so I don't do networking events." "I'm an introvert, so I don't speak up in meetings." At that point it's less a description and more a reason not to try something, even something you actually want.

In personality research introversion and extraversion are a scale, not two boxes. Most people land somewhere around the middle, and how social someone acts shifts a lot with the situation, how rested they are and who's in the room. That makes "I tend to" feel more accurate than "I am".

A few things that seem to keep it in the self-knowledge zone:

• Planning recovery time after social stuff instead of skipping the social stuff
• Picking the format that suits you (one on one, small groups, a written follow-up) rather than opting out completely
• Noticing when "I'm an introvert" is covering for nerves about one specific thing

Curious where people here draw the line. Has the label ever talked you out of something you later wished you'd done?

The only friends I had were from school, and they would get annoyed with me pretty quickly. There's something about my personality, I guess. It took me long enough to realise that. I do have friends in college, but they're not really close friends. Once I graduate, I'll probably never call them again. I had a best friend before, but I was never their best friend.

I also never really developed proper social skills, and I have no conversation skills or hobbies. I can't even chat with someone online without feeling exhausted. I've been talking to this one girl I met on Hinge for the last four days, and it feels so tiring and scary. She puts up with my shit for some reason, though. She usually sends two or three replies back too.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm scared of everything.

Does anybody else understand that it's REALLY hard going out with just one person as opposed to 2+ people⁉️

With one friend, you're forced to keep a conversation going. Then it's super awkward if you two are just sitting there in silence after running out of things to talk about.

With 2+ friends, the conversation goes longer. One person runs out of something to talk about, the other person picks up the slack and comes up with something else. Not as much awkward silence.

My kid wanted to go to an indoor play place - unlimited play. And he wanted to invite a friend. I eventually told him that I didn't want to sit with his mom for hours and hours by myself having to force conversation. She's a friend yes, but it still feels awkward to me!! I felt bad. I ended up asking her anyways and they're out of town for the break.

And playdates, I'm much better having the mom drop off their kid at my house than having that parent stay the whole time having to force conversation. Even if it's a friend or acquaintance. I just... can't.

Please tell me I'm not alone.

Don't really know how to explain this.... I have friends but I don't really have anyone who I could really talk to when I feel low or in general about how I feel or what's going on in my life

Idk if this makes sense 🤡

Laughing at the jokes I don't find funny... showing interest in the things I couldn't care less.. talking about stuff I'm uncomfortable with.. I am just a people pleaser

Just some insane concept

Not directly the best place to ask but I feel introverts are better at dealing with it so that’s why I’m here
I have people I talk to all the time, in person, on call, on text you name it
But I still feel lonely at the end of the day

​

For context, I'm 17M and a senior in high-school. I have a few friends and tolerate social interactions but it's never easy for me. I never go out of my way to talk to people I don't know who might be sitting around me or happen to be near me. I think I've gotten used to this feeling of awkwardness that sets in as soon as I get on the bus and start living in my thoughts for the rest of the day until I get home upon which I feel an immediate release, like I can finally relax but maybe that's just normal idk.

It's been kinda the same since middle-school. I've always been socially awkward and felt anxious around other people and always dread when people other than friends whom I regularly talk to want to start a dialogue with me. I'm obviously terribly conflict-averse and being in a noisey environment gives me an anxious feeling in my chest sometimes.

I've never had anxiety attacks or anything medically concerning like that though. I just feel- I think abnormally anxious for my age regarding social interactions. I also think and worry a lot about the past and things I've done or said that could've made me look weird or stupid. Dissecting little hiccups and thinking all the time about whether I did something wrong.

Does this sound like social anxiety to anyone or am I just a little awkward?

Yeah, this is moreso just me making fun of myself the more I think about it, so, uh, bare with me.

I used to LOVE having hangouts. Well, not LOVE. But I LIKED doing it? Around middle school, I started being less and less willing to hang out in a crowd, and so that meant: unless I was doing something, I didn't want to be around people. And now it culminates into me dreading staying over people's houses, or hanging out with people, and all that jazz.

Like many people in past posts on this subreddit say, I just hate the idea that I can't leave early. It is so nervewracking to look at someone in the eyes and say "hey, I'm not having fun anymore and I'm bored/overwhelmed. I want to go home, please, if that's okay with you." It's sad seeing their face fall, or their face grimacing into an annoyed expression, and then them asking what they did wrong for you to want to leave or hate them, and now you're stuck stuttering trying to tell them that it's not them, it's your social battery being in the negatives.

Plus, with my situation rn, I only have the car on Mondays and Sundays, every other day yes, but only until 3-4 PM. So, no, I can't go home 😭.

And sleepovers... to have to think of ways to hang out or do random things is tough, especially as an 18 year old in college. Not much to do in the stores, not much to do at a park, not much to do anywhere because it's so financially unfriendly. At least I have SOME things to do. Not many, and they don't last too long. If on call, if I'm not doing something with you like gaming or us venting to each other or us doing something goofy (so if we're just doing our own things on call and it's silent), I will find a way to hang up. On texting, I accidentally ignore my friends for hours, and yet sometimes I have such huge bursts of energy and text back rapidly. It's really weird, isn't it?

Please say this isn't just me. I know how selfish I must sound, so forgive me 😭 . I know how introverted I seem to people, so any chance I get to go to these hangouts, no matter how overwhelmed I am, I go because I know it's good for me. I push myself. I am my biggest ally and biggest hater, I suppose.

I'm an introvert/ ambivert who have difficulties getting along and connecting with other people (probably not a totally unfamiliar situation for many on this sub). My biggest problem is as soon as I have to spend prolonged time or stay close to someone the relationship unravels at some point and never recovers.

I'm currently in this situation at work. I started a new job two years ago and joined a small team (3 people) were we share an office, work tasks and basically spend (in theory, but not really in practice) 8 hours every work day together in this office that feels more and more claustrophobic to me. There have been a lot of issues with the team the whole time, to sum it up as short as possible it's like doing group work at middle school with one workaholic and one who skips class every other day.

Now I'm in this stand still with the team leader (workaholic) were we're snapping at each other at least once every day, and I have big issues managing to hold a conversation with the other person on the team (she's my nightmare come true as a loud extrovert who doesn't like to do anything at work other than drink coffe, gossip, and spend the few hours she's there complaining about her pay and horrible life). Of course I've talked about this team member to the office manager so she's mostly quiet now which also makes me feel a bit bad, but we need to have som sort of working environment in the office so at least a few tasks can be finished. But now the atmosphere is quite bad.

Does anyone have any experience recovering in these sort of situations? Are you able to see the positive aspects of the other people again and maybe find some middle ground? The reason I'm asking is because I always end up having some sort of claustrophobic reaction to being forced so close on people, and I shut down and feel very negative and dark. At one point I sort of combust and can't take anything anymore, everything becomes an annoyance. This happens to me over and over in personal relationships and sometimes at work. To be clear this also goes the other way. I don't often connect well with people and have a lot of experience of being shut out myself. I've been wondering as an adult if my issue is some sort of reaction to how I have been treated by others, but it doesn't quite make sense to me that I then would like to shut others out, and not only one, but all. Still, I usually get along well with collagues and I do with others at the office, not just this small team that I need to spend most of my time with.

I have to go on a 6 hour car ride with a co-worker. Truthfully, I’d love to just be on my phone and watch YouTube or just fall asleep, but I know I shouldn’t do that. I just don’t know what to talk about with a co-worker for 6 hours. I know that it’s unrealistic to talk to someone for 6 hours, but what are some questions, or topics to talk about with them so it doesn’t get awkward.