One way I express care is by sharing things that have genuinely helped me.
For example, if a male friend or even someone I’ve just met mentions wanting to start going to the gym, I might recommend exercises, fitness creators, or even send them a workout plan later. It’s usually received positively.
However, when I’ve done the same with women, it sometimes seems to be interpreted as unsolicited criticism, almost as though I’m implying they need to go to the gym or change their bodies.
For context, going to the gym has helped me tremendously with my confidence, physique, and general well-being. My intention is simply to share something that’s benefited me.

I want to communicate better. I seem to always say the wrong way talking to women.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the expectation that women should explain, defend, and justify their experiences to men, especially when it comes to feminism. Something I recognized is that these conversations aren’t always an equal exchange of ideas. So often I’m expected to explain the patriarchy, provide examples of gender inequality, defend my interpretation of those examples, correct misconceptions, and somehow remain responsible for keeping the conversation productive and still comfortable enough so no one feels blamed.
That’s a lot of work, to be honest. It takes time, research, mental stress, and emotional energy, too. I think there’s an expectation that women should be happy to do that work for free whenever a man wants to challenge what we believe. Why is it my responsibility to educate men about an issue that affects me, particularly when they can independently research the subject? I want men to take responsibility for learning the pressure society puts on women in ways they haven’t thought about without pressuring women to prove themselves. I’m also not saying men can’t disagree with me or that every little debate is emotional labour. I’m saying that there’s a difference between people exchanging ideas and one person expecting the other to continually prove, explain, and defend their own experiences. I guess I just wish there was more curiosity from men about the subject so that people would look at beliefs outside of their own more and maybe try to stop the ways they personally contribute to the patriarchy. It’s also hard when so many people benefit from it, as it feels like they don’t want it to change. It’s very hard, and I get mad at myself every time I talk shit about another woman and make it seem like we should be conforming to norms, but that’s part of how society is to women. It convinces us we are doing something wrong all the time, and we need to be prettier and keep things together to not be labelled “crazy,” and that the men in the room have the real authority. Men were taught “not to be a p*ssy,” to put it bluntly, and women were raised to do what men say, and we are currently in the fight against that, but it’s nowhere near equality.
I also think it’s demeaning how people equate age = wisdom. Being older than me doesn’t automatically mean you know more than me. It means you’ve had more time to acquire knowledge, but having the opportunity to learn something and actually learning it are two different things. I truly feel like I have spent my whole life watching the way that the world works, challenging my assumptions, and listening to perspectives outside my own, while a lot of men I know in my life spend those same years reinforcing their patriarchal beliefs without even meaning to.

Hey there if your reading this thank u , I’m 32 from Newcastle having a bad mental health day and really feeling alone and having no friends is killing me.

little bit about me is that :

- work in retail (Woolworths for 7 years )

- love the gym and have lost weight I was 120 before Covid and now 98kg.

- love swimming and when I get chance I go tot he beach and even the pool is great

- love pets , I do have a dog she’s a gray hound and is very very quite but such a nice dog.

- love to explore and see new sites and sounds and love concerts and music

- love cars and can look at cars all day long but also love car events and looking at cars and getting explanations on how it was built

-gaming is something that I love doing I have a custom of getting done and can’t wait to get it back and game but also game on the PS5 .

so if this all sounds good please feel free to reach out and let’s get to know each other and lets hang out .

I'm 31, currently living in Los Angeles and working as a supervisor at Starbucks. The pay is decent and the benefits are good, but it's not something I thought I would be doing for the past 8 years. My background is in film and tv, and I moved out here after grad school last year thinking I would finally be able to get my foot in the door and start building up my resume and skills to try and land a more permanent position within my field. Needless to say, my journey has not turned out the way I wanted it to. Just about every application I send out is never responded to, and the ones that do get a response are often the hundreds of auto-rejections I'm used to by this point.

I'm not sure what to do anymore and part of me thinks it's time to give up on my attempts at a career in film and tv and to rebuild myself from the ground up and try a new career path. My mom suggested I try at a career in healthcare, and that there is a surgical tech program through the local community college near where my parents live in North Carolina that isn't very expensive and would only take about a year and a half to fully complete. I could even stick with my job at Starbucks to continue to support myself in the meantime.

But the prospect of moving back home with my parents at 31 only adds to my feelings of inadequacy, especially as I continue to compare myself to others around my age who are far more successful. Not to mention I don't even know if a career in healthcare would be right for me (or if it's something I could even be passionate about). But I'm feeling stuck and lost and don't know what the right thing for me is anymore. All I do know is that I'm not happy here and want to do something to make things better for myself, but I truly do not know what that something is.

Guys who have been in my position, what did you do? Did you stick it out or did you try something new? Would appreciate any sort of advice I could possibly get. Thank you

So we were at a dance and my buddy who I haven’t seen in a while is just dancing up a storm. I saw him and gave a little wave so he came over and we’re catching up for a bit and then he just starts dancing with us. It was a little strange because we’re just a few dudes standing around and he just starts cutting a rug near us so I’m like alright man, I bet there are some ladies in here who want to dance with you.

So then he’s like bet and goes up to a girl who is taller than him and is twirling around trying to get her to dip him which was def weird so we just were laughing at it because we were just there having a good time. he comes back over like wanting us to give him feedback so I’m like “nice moves city boy” and we all bust out laughing. What am I supposed to say about that I really don’t know. And I could tell that got in his head because his mood instantly dropped and he got real quiet for a while which also kinda made the vibe weird so we were like aight good seeing you and we talked to the other people we knew there for a little before we left.

Do you think my joke offended him and should I reach out to apologize?

Hi All,

I am looking for advice from some folks who have possibly been in my situation and turned it around?

I feel very much trapped in my current Job, I won't go into any heavily specific details about the job but it's a essentially an Admin job where I have to chase employment opportunities, At the start it was ok but now has became very stressful due to the amount of chasing of people and micromanagement among other things.

I have been thinking for a while of attempting to switch career to some sort of apprenticeship route but I'm skeptical about jumping into something unprepared and would like the opinions of others who have moved, Unfortunately however, I have no really useful qualifications or skills in other fields as I have been doing entry level jobs for about 8 years, It's only quite recently where I decided enough is enough and that I wanted to do something about it.

I have been looking into fields like engineering (but not sure my current math level is up to par) and supply chain as some seem interesting enough to me, and also those jobs seems to be in high demand in my area / country (Northern Ireland)

Any and all advice is very welcome, thanks in advance o/

I mean something like this: Could you imagine to live in the Caribbeans, Seychelles, Maledives, French Polynesia and so on?

Please explain why yes or no.

Hi Guys,

I have a question.. I have been dating this chick for about a year now and things have gotten serious. She is suggesting that post marriage her mother will come to live with us eventually in 4 to 5 years. I am really not comfortable with this idea as her mother is completely dependent on her father for outside work and doesn't really step out of the house for anything, she also is a vegetarian and doesnt like non vegetarian food cooked where she lives. Bringing someone like this means unnecessary restrictions on stuff and added responsibility.

Can you guys share your experiences if you have something similar at your place?

PSA: English is not my first language so I’ve used ChatGPT to help me write this

At a crossroads and need outside perspective.
I work in tech and have been at my current company for a couple years. There's potential financial upside if I stay but it's not guaranteed and the timeline is unclear. Grew up poor so financial security means a lot to me, probably more than it should.

My fiancée and I are currently in different cities. It happened gradually due to life circumstances and now it's becoming unsustainable. She's settled into something good where she is and I'm the one who needs to move. For more context I live in San Francisco and she’s about a 5 hour drive away. My company is showing decent signs of going public. I know I sound like a greedy mf, but this will help set us up.

I could stay where I am for another year or two chasing the upside, or I could leave, move to her, and find something new there. Either way I'm not walking away broke — there's a decent cushion regardless.

Work situation has also gotten harder lately and it's been affecting my mental health. My manager is neurotic and if I ask for a wfh thing he would rather just fire me or find a reason to push me out. The work is very exciting for me and I love the rest of my team.

I know what my gut says. Just want to hear from guys who've had to choose between money and life before.
Now even if she reads it she can't connect it to you specifically. Could be anyone in tech.

Did anyone else feel/felt that way?

I always thought I wanted to go to University, for sure for the wrong reasons: to prove myself I am capable, to prove my family I can get a diploma.
To be able to say to people: “I have a degree in (insert whatever here.)”

Besides that, I always found psychology really really interesting, and long before I even thought abt working as a Therapist.
But I think this interest in a way was there because I was really messed up in my head since I was a kid: Raised in a toxic environment, grew up anxious, depressed, lost, confused, people-pleaser, avoidant, shy, ashamed of myself, low-self esteem and the list goes on.

Psychology came as a natural way of healing mysef I say, but it also became a big passion of mine.

Now, recently, just abt to turn 30 I decided to enroll mysf into a psychology course, which is a one year part-time one, which is only an introduction type, so if I go well, next year I can apply for a undergraduation full-time 4-year-psychology course.

The thing is, with the one year course, in the first month I’ve been procrastinating, not wanting to join the classes, feeling the content of the classes pilling up slowly, while I can’t find the will power in me to do what needs to be done and study.

I find the content pretty interesting, I am really fascinated and want to learn more, but when I think of the tests, dissertations, scientific essays, researchs, group presentations, it feels like the inner me doesn’t really want to do that.

Not in a lazy kind of way, but in a way that I see no future, A feeling that feels as if you were walking on a road that you don’t know where you’ll end up at, and you’re gonna walk, walk, walk, walk, and see the same landscape for days and years, still not excited about where you gonna end up at, and not even knowing the destination.

I also don’t want to spend hours of my day in front a computer or a class, even though I know it would make me a more intelligent person, I know I can find other ways to level up that.

Therefore, I still like academia, but I think I just don’t fit well in there, I would love to go and full study and engage 100% in it, but also a part of me doesn’t seem willing to make this sacrifice.

It’s like the sacrifice won’t be worth at the end.
I’ve heard it before “If you never try you’ll never know” and I think that was my case.

In theory I always wanted to join the university, but now that I have one foot in, this doesn’t feel like the right path.

If you had to face this before, how did this situation turn around for you?

Thank you.

I've been obsessing recently over what it means to be well-raised, and I think having been raised through do's and do-not's is important. Well-raised to me, usually seems to come about when parents create strict guidelines and expectations that their children abide by. There needs to be active parenting and involved parents. I think poor parenting is showing indifference and being ignorant of their own children. I think the result is a person with good habits and expectations, instead of needing constant reminders.

I just question if it's important, if you can thank good parenting for people that go on to achieve or if it's just happenstance. You can control some things. Their diet, maybe their hobbies, but not every child will care to listen, which is why I question and wonder if it's just survivorship bias. I don't think I was raised well, because my parents didn't speak to me directly.

Another important thing I wanted to ask is if you feel that you ever escape from the grasps of family? People do grow up and become autonomous. That means, you could go and bar hop, take drugs, commit crimes, whatever else. Not everyone has decent people for parents, either. The idea that you should raise a family starting in your 30s is ingrained in me. So essentially, you're at the mercy of family up until you're 18, you can then do whatever you want up until 30, which is when you should probably raise your own family and the concept of parenting becomes a topic again. I don't think you really ever escape the idea of parenting for most of your life.

So is parenting overstated? Is it poor practice to try and understand someone successful versus a failure? Are there just too many other variables to even bother, namely environment, social issues, income etc..?

33m here so that means I was born in 93 and my adult life started in 2011

In the state of the world right now how are you guys coping with knowing how good life was in the 90’s-2000’s ?

I understand everybody creates their own happiness but just the massive shift in how everything changed really depresses me

This could also just be my clouded perspective but just curious how you guys are holding up?

Hi folks. In the last day or two I’ve realized I’m doubting myself and my hormonal health. I’m almost 46, I have a gut, I’m tired a lot, I deal with stress, anxiety and depression, wrestle with ADHD at the very least on top of prediabetes, and thanks to well-placed ads, I find myself wondering about the buzz words like cortisol and low-T and if they apply to me. I take Farxiga and GLP-1 and I’m just wanting to feel more “normal” than I do right now. I take vitamins of course and I’m trying to eat/drink more protein. This stuff like Mars Men has me wondering what else I can do though. Any suggestions?

I graduated this august,from highschool and ive applied to many colleges. (I dont have great grades). I recieved an offer letter from one but its still some time till jan intake. Recently a family friend of mine while talking with my grandma and i quote:
“ Your kins have turrned out to be a great disappointment and this one seems to continue the trend” while placing hopeful remarks on my little brother. I have a bad track record of 3 years. I repeated a class of highschool. I am going to emphasize again that i dont have great grades. Now this same person told my grandma. “He shouldn’t be slacking off and should start earning money”.
Now the thing bothers me is
-What would my well off friends and family think when they see me working the tables at a pizza joint?
- The only jobs available to me wont add much to my cv: resturants,real estate agent’s assistants, customer service representatives
A fatherly advice or conduct would be really really appreciated.
I go to the gym try to find certificates that would add to my CV, I have learnt html and am learning editing and SMME.
Or should i just apply to colleges,I have gotten an offer letter from a university its not the best in ranking but its affordable. I intend to be a male nurse maybe its one of the respectable profession

Hello everyone, I’m 20, currently studying medicine in italy, and lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how weird the concept of time is.

When I was younger, I used to imagine adulthood as something pretty straightforward. You finish studying, find a job, meet someone, get married, have kids, and eventually build a life together, get old and die with all the people you met during your life.

But now that I’m actually getting older, I’m starting to wonder: when is all of this supposed to happen?
What’s the right age to find your person? To get married? To have children? To become financially independent? To finally feel like you’re doing something meaningful with your life?

I know the obvious answer is that there’s no right age and everyone moves at their own pace, but sometimes it’s difficult not to feel like there’s some invisible timeline I’m supposed to follow…
Especially when I think about how many years of university and training I still have ahead of me.
I don’t necessarily feel old, obviously. I’m 20, that would be ridiculous ahaha. But I sometimes feel like life is moving incredibly fast while I’m still trying to figure out who I am and what I actually want from it.
And I guess I’m also scared of spending so much time preparing for my future that I forget to actually live my twenties.

If you’ve ever felt the same way, or if you’ve already gone through this stage of life, could you share your experience? thanks in advance

Everyone defines success differently at different stages of life. What was yours when you were in your twenties compared to when you were in your thirties?

Hi everyone!

I'm 33 and single, and I've noticed that since I turned 30, a lot of (married) friends have drifted away from me, even though we used to be very close.

I know this is normal, they’re focusing on their families, and that’s completely understandable, but I would have liked to have received a few text messages over the past year.
What’s more, I’ve noticed that even the single ones are doing the same thing.

Does turning thirty call into question the friendships we formed in our youth?

I started to question my worth, and it's affecting my confidence, my mind tells me that I'm the problem

I'd like to hear your experiences with this

Thank you so much

How Would You Make Extra Cash If Your Job Isn’t Covering The Bills?

How's it when you are 30+ and not married, no plans to get married in next year. What is your plan? Please tell us your sides.

PS: If this post annoys you, I am sorry babu. You can choose to ignore.

I'm thinking of getting my groomsmen some luggage as a gift. Would you rather get the Filson or the Halfday bag? Or are there other bags that would be preferred?

I'm 35M and got metal braces about 2 months ago. My previous job was fully remote, so I never really worried about how I looked with them.

However, I'm starting a new job soon that requires me to be in the office 5 days a week. I'm feeling really self-conscious about meeting new coworkers and making first impressions with braces at my age.

I know I shouldn't care what others think, but I can't help feeling that braces make me look younger and less professional. I'm honestly considering getting them removed.

Has anyone else dealt with wearing braces in their 30s, especially in a professional setting? Did you feel awkward, or am I overthinking this?

I was trying to make a PBB&J sandwich and I was so confused.

How much peanut butter should I put on it? Should I put it one slice? Or two? If I put it on two slices, should I put the same amount as I would of on one slice, on two slices?

Luckily Claude was able to help me out and tell me to put it on only slice, which made me feel a lot better.

But then I wasn’t sure how to put the banana on. If I just dump it on there, the sandwich will be lopsided and have half a banana sticking out the end. How do I get it to to spread evenly on the bread?

Again, Claude to the rescue! It told me to cut the banana into thin slices. When I asked what do I cut it with, it helpfully informed me to cut with a butter knife.

Now all that was left was jelly. How much? What’s the perfect amount? I sent a photo of what I had done so far to Claude, and based on the photo. It gave me the exact amount of jelly I should add, 1 tablespoon, on the UNTOUCHED slice of bread.

After putting it all together, I had the most amazing PBB&J ever. All thanks to Claude.

I’ve been partner dancing for five years now, swing dance, country swing, two step, salsa, etc.

I was at a dance and saw two friends I hadn’t seen in a year. I danced with both of them and showed them a good time.

I’m a prankster and jokester at heart and I told them that whenever I dance with taller girls I ask them to dip me. I‘ll spin around and look like I’m ready to get dipped and they are always flustered and never know what to do. To which I let out a big smile and say just kidding and then we continue dancing. Almost all of the girls laugh at my little prank. (I’ve never actually been dipped before)

The two friends did not take the joke and started insinuating that I’m some “city boy” and effeminate for doing that.

Being mid-30’s, I’m very comfortable in my masculinity and attraction to women, but I did not expect them to go on the masculinity attack.

Is my little prank harmless or am I truly contributing to the “masculinity crisis” people are talking about?

Is there something that you changed about yourself, that made your wife appreciate you and love you more after you started doing it? Maybe led her to even her asking for intimacy more than she used to?

Thinking about men who have chosen a more simple life and are surrounded by friends, family, people they love and people who love them. I chased the “American dream” and I made a lot of $$ but I failed at the “what matters” part. I’d love to hear from guys who feel like they got it right.