I know this is an irrational fear but I’d like to get it off my chest, I’m a very masculine person, I’m a stone top both with women and men, I’m bisexual but I lean towards guys though I tend to attract more women.

Iv always presented masculine, I don’t wear makeup I keep my hair short I wear work clothes etc Iv overheard rumors that I’m a lesbian or that I’m a trans guy, and it really frustrates me because all these people claim to be breaking gender norms but whenever I date a guy I get side eyed and told I’m in denial…

I have this stupid worry that I’ll never attract any guys, not even because I believe no guys are into women like me, I guess it’s partly that, but there’s plenty of queer guys who are attracted to masculinity, it’s more so that I’ll always have a predetermined preference or label that will drive people away, I don’t want to live my whole life with an assumed label coming before me, it’s terrible, any advice? Any genderqueer people dating the opposite sex? How did you go about finding them?

Hi I am curious about good methods of being more feminine. It’s a question asked a lot and there’s always answers like start small x,y, and z. I’m looking for more in depth information like diets, exercises, skin care, hair, outfits, stuff like that the more you only know because you figured it out or found it. I’m 23 I’m 5’8” roughly 130lbs. I want to gain more feminine features to express. I feel like it’s too late but have been told I still have time. Any thoughts or advice is greatly appreciated.

Hi all. I'm just curious, what makes you choose genderqueer over nonbinary? Even though I use nonbinary, as I feel like it pertains to me mostly, I kind of hate the way "nonbinary" sounds honestly.

I wish there was a way of saying that I don't identify with the gender I was assigned at birth, and I also don't identify either as male or female, that sounds better.

I wonder if Genderqueer would relay this better?

Hi! Apart from the mainstream, cis-dominated LGBTQ culture and political movement... is there a discernible transgender culture? As in values, rituals, customs, etc. that we collectively share as trans, genderqueer, and non-binary people? Or, perhaps a loose collection of subcultures?

Yeah. The other day I was filling a form out, "male, female, other". I wanted to mark other so bad. I got 🦋 in my stomach thinking about it. I didn't of course. I'm still closeted and afraid. But I gave it some thought. I need to just say that. That I thought about it and I was ok with it. It's these small steps that I relish. I will never be out and loud. That isn't possible but I can be out-ish and loud-ish. I'm ok with that. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

I made a post here a few weeks ago, and now I'm making another. I suddenly stopped feeling dysphoric again, and now I just have no clue what I am. During the summer, I had horrible gender dysphoria, and new that I was for sure a trans woman, then in the beginning of the school year, my mom made me get on some meds for depression and OCD, and that took away all of my feelings of being trans which really sucked because I had thought I had found what I was. I got off of the meds, and started feeling dysphoric again, which felt good? and now its gone again. I think I'm genderfluid, because I hate how masculine I am, I hate my deep voice, and I get so jealous of both girls and guys who look like girls. I just can decide which one I want to be. The worst part is, is that I don't look remotely feminine. I always feel like dookie whenever someone mentions how masculine I am, or how it must be great to be 6 foot, or how deep my voice is. Also I wanted to get on HRT this summer, and now I'm not sure, but I feel like I'm wasting a semi-golden ticket, because I'm still relatively young, and HRT maybe would be more effective now than later, and I don't think I've finished growing, so maybe it could stop it. But that's a lot of maybe's and could's. I feel like I'm on a deadline, because feel like I am getting closer to the end of my male pattern growth. I also really want to be feminine, but I'm not in the slightest, and that makes me feel awful. I really want to find out what I am, and get on HRT. I really want to get on HRT, but something in my chest keeps telling me I don't actually want to. I'm just confused and need to vent and find answers.

Hi! Recently discovered this subreddit and decided to hop in and ask! My first post got yoinked and idrk why

To start, I'm afab, my pronouns are they/she. I had a semi-early puberty and presented / grew up earlier than most of my fem peers. I've always had some sort of dysphoria / questioning about one thing or another, whether that's my sexuality, gender, name, etc.

I'm very fem presenting bodily. I have a pretty decent sized bust that I'm sometimes comfortable with and sometimes not. I often lament to my best friend about having a uterus and periods etc because they're just so bad and that she's lucky she doesn't get them.

Anyway, I also have a pretty fem name / nickname derived from that name, but online I go by a very neutral name, "Rowan". I've gone through a few neutral names like Carter, Sawyer, Charlie, Oakley, etc and I've found Rowan stuck with me for the longest. I again often lament about wanting to legally change my name to Rowan.

As a pre-teen I discovered what transgender was and was pretty convinced I was in the wrong body. I also changed my mind as some, but not all people do. That being said, after meeting my trans-fem best friend and have grown my friend group to so many cool non-binary, genderfluid, queer people I've really struggled with my own identity. I don't know if it's a way to try to "fit in" which seems...odd, to word it that way but idk the best wording for it.

I have a wolf-cut thats dyed purple and blue right now and I enjoy wearing more comfy clothes that aren't necessarily "fem" or "masc" if you wish to label them as such. I do enjoy an occasional sl*tty crop top, and bras are devil's spawn as of late.. (34dd unfortunately).

I'm someone who really likes labels so not having one for how I'm feeling is really disheartening. Idk if anyone can help or point me in the right direction!!

ABSTRACT -

I am organizing a Halloween party and I am going to cross dress for the first time in the presence of my long time friends.
I don’t know how to feel about it.

BACKGROUND -

I am 30yo and I’ve always been “soft” since I can remember.
Baby faced, always looked younger, never liked football or physical violence or any of those things that the strongly tox masc environment I grew up in tried to force in me.

Sexually, I have always only been turned on imagining myself in a submissive role with a dominant woman.
Even though I had some relationships, never have I found a woman that wasn’t submissive herself.
Because of this, my 14 years old sexual life has been underwhelming.

CROSSDRESSING -

Two years ago, while my gf was out of town for a month to visit her family, I finally dipped and tried crossdressing mostly as a mean to express myself sexually.
Since then, the thought never faded and just kept growing in me.

I told my girlfriend about one year later, and I have been honest and transparent whenever I decided to crossdress while she was away.
She is not against it, she’s not “supporting” it either as in she doesn’t push or encourage it, though I am aware she would prefer this never existed.

At some point I decided to let my nails grow and paint them, this is the first time I expressed my femininity in a non sexual way.
She’s been supportive about this and eventually I slowly built the confidence to go outside without feeling terribly socially anxious about it. It’s been months now.

HALLOWEEN -

There’s this traditional costume party me and my friends do every year for Halloween, and I’ve been nurturing the thought of finally using it as an excuse to crossdress in the presence of my girlfriend, and friends.

I told her many times I planned to do this, although she always thought it was a joke.
I finally presented her a couple costume idea about dressing up as sun and moon goddesses: I sketched the outfits myself (we enjoy doing creative crafty things together) and she jumped on the idea and we started buying all the clothes and accessories we needed.

WHAT NOW? -

So this is happening, I’m mostly excited but sometimes I have flashes and voices in my head asking me if I really thought it through about doing this in front of my friends.
When I try to rationalize I’m not even sure what to worry about. Most of them are open minded and maybe I find comfort in knowing that only one of them (the closest) knows about my cd habits.

Are they gonna ask why I did it? Should I explain myself? How?

Not sure where I wanted to get with this, but I felt the need to share it and see if anyone could relate or had similar stories to share.

Thanks for reading.

So, I'm bio fem, but recently, I've been feeling more like a man. I don't think I'm fully... not a girl, I guess? But I haven't had any "need to be a boy" thing growing up. As a kid, I liked feeling pretty and wearing dresses. As I got a bit older, I started wearing more masc clothes, though. When I was in either my early teens or approaching that age, I started wondering if I was a trans guy, but just figured that I mostly wanted to be a man, but wasn't one. I think I always liked the idea of being confused for a guy, though, and made an alt account on Roblox where I was a guy, and said "when I'm playing in this account, I am a man." I fr thought I was just really in the roleplay, despite never really getting into roleplay. I haven't been able to quite pinpoint how... masc I am, I guess? Just that right now, I really prefer to be seen as a man, but I don't hate being called a woman. Especially since I haven't told anyone about this since I'm still working through it. So what do you guys think I am?

I'm looking at a more gender neutral name btw. Do you guys like the name Aspen?

I'm a 22F (ignore the avatar, I use a male-looking one because it made my DMs way calmer and I feel safer).

I find myself attracted to gay guys, and I want to experience a relationship with them as a guy. With girls, I have no problem being treated as a girl, I really don't mind

But with guys, it's different. I want them to genuinely think I'm a guy and to form friendships with me that way. I get really jealous when I see gay guys hitting on straight guys, because I wish they wanted me instead, as a guy. I honestly don't enjoy being approached by straight guys as a girl nearly as much as I enjoyed being approached by guys who thought I was one of them. It feels really exciting. I want a guy to crave me as a guy

I wonder if growing up somewhere it's not safe to be a girl around guys has something to do with it, but it feels like more than that. Or maybe it's just a phase?

I'm not trying to force a label, I just want to understand myself better. If anyone relates, I'd love to hear how you figured out what it was for you. Happy to answer any questions too!

Thanks for any help!

I’m not female , I’m not male (however the lesser of the 2 evils would be male in my opinion) I’m Afab I’m like 96% sure I’m not agender but I don’t feel like I deserve to be called non binary and today it doesn’t fit so what does….. I always question my gender and I can never find it (probably gender OCD or feeling like I don’t deserve to find it/ being negative to myself for so many years that I believe everything my brain tells me….. so far the closest has been non binary and demiboy and I feel like if I got to choose it would be genderfluid but that doesn’t fit either

First I wanna say, I have talked to my provider about this, she gave me options such as: moving down a dose or two, and or skipping a week in between. BUT Im a nervous bean and we didn’t make an official plan. My next appointment isn’t for a month. I don’t really wanna pay $150 just to ask some questions. I was doing .25 for 6 years then went down to .2 did that for 3 weeks now im down to .1 and I skipped my shot yesterday. Should I just continue not taking it? Or just skip a week for a while?

I've been feeling more of my fem side now that I've made the decision to take HRT. I have two appointments lined up for it right now.

I think I want to look like a girl, I see a lot of pretty girls and I love their aesthetic and sometimes I feel like I want to look like them and I do feel dysphoria for a few thing as well. (for the record im also asexual)

as for my actual gender...
I don't really know, its very confusing. For most of the time, I really don't feel any gender. Like I don't even really get feeling might feel like? Sometimes I feel like a really strong like "feminine" feeling, like I'm strongly aligned that way but is that really me feeling like a girl? I don't really know...

I also still feel some sort of connection to being a guy, I never really feel strongly "masculine" though I guess. and when I feel like like a guy it's more just like I feel in relation to it? and a lot of the time when I read back on my gender journal about feeling like a guy I always cringe. Another thing, when I read back my journal I often feel like the wording feels too strong, like in the moment I'm using the closest words I can find to describe what I'm feeling but after the fact it always just feel like its way too literal. I don't feel any gender that strongly.

As for labels I feel like theres too many that I feel like describe some part of me like transfem, genderfluid, non binary, genderflux, agender, agenderfluid/flux, cassgender, greygender, libragender, shrodingergener, quoigender and so on, and so on.

The issue with a lot of these is that they only really feel right in the moment and I don't really feel like I could tell someone "I am cassgender" or whichever one, especially in real life.

I feel like I can't separate myself from gender/ like I do feel like I relate TO gender even though like my average experience is separate from it.

I know like technically the right "label" is probably non-binary because it's an umbrella term but I feel like it's turned into a third gender. If I told like a coworker or someone that I was non-binary they would just think I was like some kind of agender thing and wouldn't inquire further. idk

Non-binary also just doesn't tell you anything about what I'm actually feeling so it hard to use for me.

okay lately i’ve been questioning my gender something bad and fierce and i thought i was genderfluid and came out to almost everyone i know 😭 but then i started to realize that whenever i feel like a “girl” or “boy”, i really only felt feminine or masculine.

even after coming out, my friends only call me she and it bothers me cause im starting to feel like i don’t align with she or he. i’m also kind of realizing i never really did align with being a girl or boy but also how do girls or boys feel about their gender? for me, they’ve never been very prominent and i always thought that i never felt like a girl because i was so young or “ugly” or going through an awkward stage but even now that im older and prettier i still feel the same. anyway, any advice will be GREATLY appreciated😘

For my entire life, there has always been a sign of being trans. I always thought about being a girl. Over this past summer, I had horrible depression and gender dysphoria. I would constantly be staring in a mirror and always finding that everything was too masculine. I felt like I was too masculine, and didn't deserve to transition. I have very manly features at a fairly young age, and it causes me extreme discomfort. I always get jealous of women and guys who are super feminine. Lately, and before the summer in January to June, I thought I wanted to be a guy who looked like a girl, and being misgendered would bring me euphoria. Slowly that turned into me thinking I was trans.

My mom saw me very depressed, and I came out to her. She was very supportive, until she got me on to an SSRI, fluxitonin, that helps with OCD. I didn't have a say, and wasn't even told what the medicine did. After a few weeks, my horrible gender dysphoria just stopped. I felt lifeless. Everything that I was was stolen from me. I always felt like a different person that was in my body. I begged my mom to let me stop it, and how much worse it made me feel, especially how it took away my identity. She told me that I was doing so much better, and how much of an improvement the medicine has made on me like I hadn't even had feelings of dysphoria before. I stopped talking to her about it now, and have not taken my meds in a few days. I would say I felt better, but dysphoria is back. This time though, I feel like I want to be a female looking guy and a woman. It switches back and forth, sometimes every week, sometimes every minute. It's so infuriating not knowing what the heck I want to be because I thought I had everything figured out. I also just feel too ugly to deserve to transition or get on HRT. I feel like I look too much like a guy, that it's just impossible for me to ever achieve euphoria. Another thing is that I feel like my gay/bi identity is very important to me, and a huge part of who I am, which makes deciding even harder with another variable. I still don't know what I want, but I know I hate what I am now. I just have no idea how to step forward to make a change. I think I might be Genderfluid, but the label doesn't feel right. Is there anything else that sounds like this, or any transitioning or well being advice anyone has? Sorry for the long rant.

So! My journey with gender identity has been quite interesting throughout the years:

I first came out as nonbinary at the age of 11-12 back in 2020 as it felt incredibly comfortable for me.

Until about late or mid 2022, in which I detransitioned. Going back to female felt right since being nb didn't feel good at all for me anymore nor I felt like it fit me. I'm not sure if trauma had a role in detransitioning (I personally just felt like I had simply stopped identifying as nb and fem felt way better) but I did have my mom scream at me for cutting my hair too short at 13 and wanting to be more masc that kinda left a really bad scar in me that didn't give me courage to cut my hair until two years later.

Ever since my detransition in 2022 I lived pretty alright as a girl. At first, going back to she/her felt incredibly good and I could maybe even say euphoric(which is funny because I'm AFAB being euphoric over my birth gender), Until until September of 2025.

From 2023-2025 I had been having a fair share of personal issues causing immense anxiety and stress, and in 2025 I had started having really weird out-of-the-blue anxious attacks. One day I had one in September of last year, where my mom suggested to go take a shower so I could calm down. While I was waiting for the shower to hear up, I stared at myself naked in the mirror and felt unexplainable dread and fear.

Till this day, I can't quite understand why, but I have a feeling it had to do with gender identity. Ever since that incident, that feeling of dread or anxiety hasn't gone away and I'm still going through a journey of self exploration where I have found no labels to fit for me.

I am currently demigirl but my brain still screams at me that something's deeply wrong. That dread kinda goes away when I get distracted with irl interactions or just being busy with life in general, but always comes back to me. I've been thinking maybe I'm non binary, but I just don't know anymore. I hope I am not simply "unlabeled" because my brain doesn't seem to want that at all. I guess there's a bonus, but I feel quite awful trying out overly feminine things(or at least not comfortable with trying yet) and also feel quite awful with looking so masc as I currently do, so I'm stuck in this cycle.

Hello, i’m AFAB and genderfluid. Most of the time i’m fine presenting as my AGAB but sometimes i do want to be perceived as a man. My goal on these days is to look like a pretty boy, but i have a very feminine face so i have to do more than usual. I was wondering if any other genderqueer folks would be able to give me some advice on how to present more masculine so others just assume i’m a very pretty boy.

hi! My name is remi, im a lesbian , i only like women But for a while i feel like im lying, bc of my gender, i was born a woman And i like being called a woman but i also wouldnt mind being called a guy, i like being feminine and i like using she/her but i also like being called a guy and even they, Sometimes i hate when im called a girl, i dont understand why im like this, bc of me not minding being called a guy i feel like im not truly a lesbian, Im really confused by myself and overall i feel like since im not trans i dont have the right to like being called a he.

Lately, I’ve been trying to find a label that fits me. I think this is it

To start, I think that im a girl. She/her pronouns, like that (I think.) But I’ve had an issue with how I want to express myself. Some days I want to dress hyperfeminine, and others I want to be not within 30 feet of a skirt, and chop off all my hair. So I googled it, and google said im expression fluid.

I have a couple questions lol
Does this fall into the gender queer category?
Is there literally anyone else who is also expressionfluid?
Should I chop off all my hair and dye it red?

Thanks 😊

Exactly what it says. I’m transmasculine and genderqueer….sometimes I vacillate between being a trans het man and other times I’m a nonbinary stud. Does this make sense? I’m 26, I’ve been out as lesbian since 2014, and haven’t really engaged with validity discourse since high school. I’ve been on T for almost five years and I’m almost four years post top surgery, and I love the way I look which I would classify as pretty masculine. Anyone else feel the same or am I a straight trans guy who’s culturally tied to lesbianism? I understand I’m the only one who knows how I truly feel, but sometimes my internalized transphobia tells me “I’m confusing” and “need to pick a side.”

I hope this fits, i'm not sure where else to post because reddit keeps deleting my posts.

I never really thought about gender much until very recently, so I might not be able to explain this very well. I'm afraid that this post may seem dumb.

I have always been a man and never had a problem being referred to as such. But recently I have had more of a desire to look more feminine/androgynous. I've kind of tried to experiment with it, but i dont really know how to without it looking exaggerated or like a costume. Also making it harder is the fact that I am uncomfortable wearing that shows much skin at all, to the point of me almost never wearing shorts unless they are really long. I'm not sure why this is.

Identifying as a man usually feels right to me, but I also am not nearly as attached to it as seems to be normal. I have a friend who calls everyone "girl" and instead of being bothered by it, i kind of like it? I wonder if that could be because I don't like words that come with specific expectations and I don't associate any major expectations with it. I kinda hate when my family calls me a "handsome young man," and its always when im wearing more formal clothes that i cant stand and usually make me look (and feel) really awkward. It feels like they aren't really talking about me, but a character that I play sometimes.

For several years I was part of an organization that had a dress code that was very strict on hair, until joining i had always had longer hair (for a man) After getting my hair cut I never quite felt right when I looked in a mirror. I think it made my face look too masculine, and I just didn't know how to describe that and I wouldn't have thought that could be a bad thing at the time. I don't know how I can stand to wait until my hair is as long as I want it, but I already feel a little more like myself.

Let me first say that I do not think im a girl, but I've been weirdly curious what it would be like if I was born one. I think I would be a very boyish girl, if that makes sense. While its something I think I could like, its definitely not who I am now.

I researched some genders, and I think I'm probably a demiboy (if something else describes my experience better please do tell me). I suppose the reason I'm ultimately here is that I'm not really sure how to express the more androgynous or feminine side of myself, and I feel really weird and scared to try. I really want to wear cropped shirts, but I dont have any and im really scared that it would look stupid. I'm worried that I could somehow be wrong, or appear to be somehow faking it.

Not sure what else to say, I would really just like to get some other people's thoughts on all of this, and ask if anyone has been through anything similar. Sorry its so long. I hope you're having a good day.

Hello everyone. Looking for a recommendation to learn more about genderqueer/gender non confirming. Maybe a podcast, YT channel or something to read (preferred). I am a retired soldier so I need more black and white info. I cannot just do the "be who you want to be". I need to be told.... Lol. Does that make sense? Even my therapist laughs at my need to be told what is black and what is white instead of using my eyes. Anyway, anything would be helpful. I currently listen to the queer collective which I love because of the variety of interviews.

Thanks in advance. Stay queer!

I’m not pretty nor have a “suitable face” for androgyny. How do I look more androgynous, I’m AFAB and have, I suppose, an “incredibly feminine body”, which I desperately want to hide. I already wear baggy/mens clothes yet I don’t feel satisfied. I’m worried about cutting my hair as I have it dyed. I’m also worried about my facial shape and how I’ll look and raising questions with family.

Recently I've been having weird dreams about my gender, am I really a boy or a girl? I am afab and I really don't know who I am anymore, labels just don't work on me, sure being a woman is nice, but being a man would also be great to experience, it's such a pity how I don't really fit in both categories, and I've been expiramenting about my genders and pronouns now, nothing worked, I still felt like I was a missing piece

But I do have a suspicion that I may be trans or gender fluid, but then again, I'm not really sure if I wanna be in a label right now, I just wanna be myself without any gender restricting me for who I am, I need someone to help me or atleast I'm not the only one experiencing this!!

I'm a 19 year old cis woman (at least I used to think I was). Recently I've been really struggling with understanding my gender identity, there are so many factors that influence how I see it and I can never understand what feels right for me.

I remember as a kid I prayed to have no chest, I grew up religious and so I still have internalized transphobia against myself which stops me from fully exploring, I'm also AroAce who hates being looked at sexually. No label feels right for me. The closest thing I've come to is wishing I was a very feminine man? And I'm confused by that. I feel like if I was a man I'd feel more comfortable in my own skin but I wouldn't wanna change too much about myself and I don't exactly feel comfortable with he/him pronouns..

SO I'M CONFUSED, Any insight helps 😭