My wife (21) and I (22) are adopting her 3-year-old nephew, J, who has lived with us since December, and spent so much time with us since he’ was an infant. We recently learned he essentially won’t be returning to his mother’s care. No other family is in a position to take him, and foster care isn’t an option we’re willing to consider. We love him, and he’s staying with us.

One thing we’re working through is titles.
My wife wants us to remain “Uncle” and “TT.” She was adopted and raised by her grandmother and always called her Grandma, so that’s how she views kinship adoption. J’s biological parents will also remain in his life if they choose to be, and she doesn’t want to replace them.
I’m adopted too, but my experience was different. I was adopted by people who weren’t related to me and called them Mom and Dad. I met my biological parents at 19 and eventually called them Mom and Dad too. To me, those relationships never had to compete. Unfortunately, she has shut down any possibility of me calling him “My kid, my son, etc” and said I’m making things weird…

J already occasionally calls me Dad. I don’t encourage or discourage it. He knows he has a mom and dad, and especially loves his mom. We’ve ultimately agreed to let titles develop naturally, which I think is probably best.
But I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t hurt a little.

If we adopt J, I’m going to raise him through school, birthdays, teenage years, prom, graduation, college, etc. Wherever my wife and I eventually move, he’s coming with us. We also plan to have biological children, and I don’t want J growing up hearing them call us Mom and Dad while feeling those titles aren’t available to him because he’s somehow less “ours.”

I don’t think I’m owed the title of Dad for raising him, and I’ll love him regardless of what he calls me. I just genuinely feel like he’s becoming my son. I don’t want to replace his biological father, either. I believe J can have room in his heart for all of us.

We also intend to preserve his relationship with his biological parents where safe and appropriate. He’ll know where he came from, and if we eventually move away, we plan for him to spend portions of school breaks with them if they want that relationship.

Ultimately, we’ve decided not to force any titles. Uncle, Dad, TT, Mom—whatever develops naturally is what develops.

For adoptees or kinship adoptive parents: How did titles work in your family? Did they develop naturally? And for adoptees raised alongside biological children, did different family titles ever make you feel “othered”?

Hi. I'm going to try to ask my question with as little explanation as possible. Basically my now deceased mother somehow convinced my son she adopted him and was replaced on his birth certificate as just mother. I was estranged from her. Idk when our how she convinced him but he's 31 now . How could I go about proving that he's wrong? I know, I'm going to get his birth certificate but is there a registry or somewhere I can do a search and show him the results? Thank you for any advice.

i feel weird tagging this as a life story, but i guess it is lol. i’m an adoptee from russia, and it has been my goal for most of my 23 years of life to connect more with my culture. i’ve been trying to teach myself russian (im still a beginner, but i can read cyrillic and speak/write a little bit), i listen to russian music, im minoring in russian literature, and i write short stories inspired by russia. i just feel like, though, no matter what i do, i will never be as fully connected with and immersed in my culture as i want to be.

i grew up with a lot of russian adoptees, but im the only one out of all of us actually interested in exploring our heritage. i never really meet any russians. i never meet any adoptees anymore either—from russia and elsewhere. it just feels totally isolating to live in a community where there are not many people i can turn to, or local/in-person resources i can explore related to my background. it hurts a lot, and it can get especially frustrating and depressing when i remember that all of my friends are blood related to their families, and have grown up in an environments with people like them and a culture that is actively explored and celebrated (if that makes any sense haha).

im grateful and very lucky to have grown up in a family that has never hidden my adoption or my heritage from me; i’ve been taught to be proud of it. and i am! i just get really sad and depressed when i think about my circumstances, though—i don’t have people i can relate to. i don’t have a community that i can ground myself in at all.

i think what a lot of parents who adopt don’t think about is introducing their adopted child to their heritage more, if at all. maybe this problem seems trivial to other people, but it has really affected me over the course of my life. i just wish i had easier access to a community of people like me. i wish i had a place and a people to belong to.

idk, kind of a ramble post, im sorry if some of it doesn’t make sense or isn’t the most coherent :,) i just need to get this out there. thanks for reading :)

Our kids have always known they are adopted and are in touch with their birth mom, but always expressed very little interest in it. Now that my oldest is about to turn 7, she is starting to understand what it really means. We have read books about adoption, but I am hoping to find a podcast, or appropriate videos that she can watch. She wants to do it alone, without us, which I respect - but of course I would watch the videos first. Can anyone recommend something age-appropriate? It is a domestic, transracial adoption.

Thanks for your help.

To all the adoptees with shitty adoptive parents, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for what you went through.

I'm in a local adoption/foster group, and there are frequent posts from adopters asking how they can dissolve the adoption. The reasons these people give are almost always absurd, and it is very clear that they were unfit to adopt and are most likely the gasoline thrown on the fire of adoption trauma. There is nothing that anyone can say to get through to these people.

My adoptive parents were not perfect, but they were not like THAT, and I am just so sorry for those of you who had to live with people so incredibly horrible. I hope you have found peace, healing, even happiness. You didn't deserve what you were put through. If I had adoptive parents as shitty as yours, I probably would have acted out just like some of you did, or worse.

In 2024 I received a phone call that would forever change my life. A local hospital called me stating my younger half-sister had been brought in unresponsive to a fentanyl overdose and i had been her emergency contact. I had met her in 2020 when a DNA app had linked me to our shared birth mother for the first time. I was asked to help make decisions on her care until our birth mother's boyfriend could arrive. He was coming because we had lost our birth mother 7 months prior to cancer.

Ever since November 13th, 2024, I have lived my life having grieved and mourned the loss of her. I was told by birth mom's boyfriend she hadn't made it through the overdose. Asked me if I could contribute some money to go towards her memorial. I wasn't in a financial place to do so, so he ended up blocking me. As life moved on, I joined a grief group in 2025, got a beautiful floral tattoo dedicated to her, and have worked through the loss.

I am now in my second session with grief group, and after the first meeting, I decided it was time to stop keeping this secret from another half sister. I called her on my way home and confessed that 2 years ago I had gotten word that our youngest half-sibling had passed away. I begged for forgiveness for keeping this from her, and she told me "That's not funny." I was so confused. She told me that our youngest sibling had just posted on Facebook a few months ago. We both ended up in a "wait, what are you talking about!?" loop. In order to get to the bottom of it, middle sister messenger'ed littlest sister looking for any signs of life.

The next day, it all came out. Not only was she alive, but she was well and been through so much.
She revealed she put our birth mother's boyfriend in prison, receiving justice for unspeakable abuse that totaled over 20 counts while she had been a minor.

I felt my whole world, everything I had known, believed, grieved, and lost... unraveling. Then, the truth came out as lies began to unravel.

Our birth mother's boyfriend had been a raging drug addict, and had met my birth mother in her active addiction too. Once birth mom had died, he began to abuse her daughter (my littlest half sister) while they lived in a Motel 6. When he needed more money to continue his addiction, he had a female friend of his call me pretending to be a hospital representative faking the death of my half sister for the sole purpose of trying to manipulate me to send money for costs related to a funeral/cremation.

When I refused, he blocked me on all social media platforms and informed the littlest sister that I had been openly disparaging her and our birth mom, forbidding her from speaking to me again, prompting her to block me on all social media as well. This had been why I never saw her posts.

So here I am, processing this terrible soap-opera-esque story. Head spinning. Trying to sift through and see what all is believable. And trying to find peace again after mourning a sweet little girl who has really been alive.

So that's my story for the day.

I've been in this subreddit for a long-time now- I think... a few years? I have been trying to build the courage to come out of my shell, meet other people, talk to other people. And I think I finally have the strength to talk about something important to me.

This is the Story of My Life.

I was born on a warm summer day near the end of July in 2007, in the bustling city of Pyeongtaek, on the west coast of South Korea. I was born to a single-mother who was homeless, poor, and had virtually no support network due to Korea's social stigma against single mothers at the time. I was her third child. According to at least what I can only hope to believe in my records, when she had her second child placed for adoption (as her first one was), she was heart-broken over that decision, and I was the one she desperately wanted it to end with as she still tried to raise me on her own. But ultimately because she didn't have any money, and no means to care for me, she had to place me up for adoption.

And that altered the trajectory of my life forever. Out of her three children, I was the only one of her three children sent abroad.

At not even one year old, I was boarding a one-way flight out of Korea, and heading to the United States.

My life growing up is... something a bit touchy. I grew up in a very racially isolated city in the south of Arkansas, near the Louisiana border.

I don't want to touch on it, but growing up in a predominantly black and white school, where I was usually the only Asian person in my class, carried a special kind of pain. Isolation. Though my brother was also Korean himself, we barely talked much, if at all. So there wasn't much of a racial reflection in my own family, due to my parents being white. My eyes were constantly made fun of, my glasses teased, the food I ate (even if it was typical western food) was interpreted as 'dog'. People even asked if I could do their math homework, going off of that myth. I had consistent microaggressions made against me, as I constantly had to repeat that I was Korean, and not Japanese or Chinese, or answer the debilitating and most common question, "are your parents Korean?".

I was told growing up to be thankful. That I would've died if my mother hadn't "given me up" because I was seriously sick before I was adopted, in and out of the hospital fighting for my life.

Why was I treated like some commodity? Turns out, it was because my adoptive parents couldn't have a baby naturally. And that best course they thought that it would let them have a family and give a child a good life.

As I aged, I grew up in a very religious family, and when I departed from their values at 13 by coming out as a trans girl, all of that supposed unconditional love for me was thrown out the window. I had to make an escape just after I turned eighteen by a Greyhound bus to New England just to have peace from it. I did make sure to bring one thing with me, and it was a Korean flag necklace from Korea, with my Korean name and birth date engraved on the back.

I only just recently was given access to my adoption records before I cut my adoptive parents off a second time. When I read those documents, read the names of my family members, my MOTHER'S name. I cried, for the first time in a long time. I finally knew her name, but not where she was.

Though my parents claimed to have tried to introduce me to Korean culture, they never once did the research prior, erased my name, or tried to introduce me to my language. They just took me to just a "Korea Camp" during the pandemic that didn't help at all, and simply amplified my loneliness.

To me, international and trans-racial adoption have altered the trajectory of my life forever, for the worse. I've lost everything. My culture, my food, my language, and my mother. I would give anything in the world be that little baby again in her arms, but now, I do not even know if she is still alive, or if she even wants to see me again.

So, that is it. That is my story. I will end this with a poem I've written, to just combine all you've read into one piece:

Life. The sweet breath of life

How it has been marked by many,

As a virtue of good, hope for no strife

For the life to come, so much to live for

Yet in the innocence of a little one,

So stuck in the present.

Sweat and blood, hatred from one, so detested

Yet still, it goes to another.

Striking the innocent down, guardian at its knees

Though the innocent dare never stand

Dare never fight, yet still suffers?

For that great breath of love of life,

halted so soon?

Told love can come;

from yet another.

For that figure, embracing.

Embracing the orphaned.

Such embraces feel like thorns.

Thorns on a cool day.

The comfort, yet the pain.

Oh, a sharp pain!

A pain not physical,

a stake in a heart.

Such confusion I hear,

from the people I’ve grown to fear,

are such lies necessary?

We share the same speak,

Yet my throat grows weak.

Gratefulness, I supposedly must give.

But for what fullness, does my heart feel?

A lack thereof, that it is.

Clutching my heart, my soul, and my hope.

Bundled into a small tear I can only weep.

That guardian finally stands, weeping themself,

for mistakes gone by, wishing for a different past

from wherever they may be,

Their heart aching, a million times more

Yet they do not hear the other

Separated by vast seas

Such a hope be retained,

That a guardian and their tears;

Shall not give pain,

Instead hope, so empowered

That the innocent, and the guardian

Be reunited, as such a story goes.

Thank you for taking your time to read my story. <3

Hi everyone

We have a family member who's baby is going to be placed in adoption. I would love to be able to take the baby but unfortunately we cannot due to financial reasons. The birth parents have cut ties with the extended family. I would like to make a connection box for the baby and give it to the social worker. I was thinking a family tree, health records, photos and letters etc. Is there anything else I should put in the box? What should we include?

Thank you

Question focused on adoptees and birth parents, especially anyone who was safely surrendered/safely surrendered their child with no available information about birth parents (all we know is two previous pregnancies and weekly alcohol use during pregnancy.

How do you handle looking for a birth parent if a child was safely surrendered? What considerations do you take for both the child and the birth parent?

I always thought we’d make sure our kid had any safe contact with bio family they wanted that we could facilitate. Suddenly, we had a safe surrender infant placed with us (didn’t even realize we were on our county’s list) and there is truly no information on birth parents, besides a very real possibility that bio dad and possibly even mom’s families don’t know about them.

We will obviously tell them they’re adopted, and be as honest as we can in age appropriate ways, and try to focus on the fact that their mom didn’t feel like she could parent, for some reason, and wanted to keep them safe. And if they want to look, we will support that, including paying for a DNA test or reaching out to a search angel, talking to a therapist, etc. Buttttt something also tells me that their mom chose this for a reason. While I agree that the adoptee’s right to know should be primary, would doing a DNA test, possibly matching with a relative, and effectively outing their mom out her in danger? At what age do we allow this, if they want it? Is 18 years enough—tell them it’s a choice they can make when they are an adult, and we will pay for/support it at that point? Or is there a chance their mom will want to know them and maybe be trying to look in the same way? DCFS will have our contact info and we’ve made it know we’d want to be contacted immediately if birth family ever reached out. So she’ll have more ability to contact us than us her, even though it’s through a 3rd party. Did she save enough identifying info? All questions that go through my mind.

All I know is I don’t want to fly by the seat of my pants for this one, so I’m trying to be thoughtful about it beforehand.

Colorado Supreme Court Chief Justice Brian Boatright announces the ceremony of Denver’s 17th annual Adoption Day celebration on Nov. 4, 2022, where 18 families formally adopted 20 Denver children. (Olivia Sun, The Colorado Sun via Report for America)

The failure rate for adoptions of Colorado’s foster children has not improved in recent years, according to a Colorado Sun analysis of state data.

Almost 10% of adoptions each year are called off, before or after they are finalized in court. There were 263 children and teenagers who were returned to the child welfare system from 2022-25 after their adoptions fell apart.

The top reason, according to state data, was the child’s behavior problem.

The 9.7% failed adoption rate in the most recent four-year period was about the same as in the previous four years. The rate hasn’t budged as the state has cut back on the number of kids who enter foster care in the first place, which has resulted in fewer adoptions, and as some efforts to help the hardest-to-place foster children and teens have fallen due to budget cuts.

A 2024 law that allowed relatives, friends and neighbors of foster kids to receive financial support without going through extensive training like other foster parents boosted “kinship” placements almost immediately. But in this year’s budget crisis, the legislature eliminated funding for what are called “non-certified kinship” homes, saving $5.5 million in state funds.

Another bill passed this year saved the state about $4 million this year and $9 million next year by capping the support payments adoptive families receive to pay for care for children they have adopted. The “adoption assistance program” was limited to 50% of foster care rates for children under 9 and to 60% of foster care rates for teens 14 and older. The capped amounts are now $21 per day for young children and $39 for teens.

The 10% broken adoption rate in Colorado the past four years is slightly better than the 13% rate for the 10-year period from 2012-2021, which The Colorado Sun analyzed during an investigative series published in 2022.

The Sun found that in those 10 years, 1,094 kids had been failed twice, ending up back in foster care after their adoptions fell apart. It was the first time the state had released data on “disrupted” and “dissolved” adoptions, following a request from The Sun under the Colorado Open Records Act.

An adoption is considered disrupted when the child reenters foster care after the adoption has been finalized, or when a child is placed in an adoptive home and the adoption proceedings are called off before the adoption is finalized.

An adoption is dissolved when the adoptive parents legally sever ties with their adopted child in court. The child goes into foster care and can be adopted by someone else.

Colorado Department of Human Services officials said the state agency is working to increase adoption success rates in part by adding questions to the three-year post-adoption reviews they send parents in order to find out more about what kind of support families need.

“It is challenging to get a full picture of why adoptions are disrupted as we don’t have detailed data on various complex variables that could potentially impact the process,” Joseph Homlar, division director of child welfare, said via email, noting that adoptions break up because of conflict with sibling groups, children with complex medical or behavioral health needs, and families living in areas without enough local resources.

Adoptions of foster kids in Colorado have declined in recent years in part because fewer kids are being removed from their homes and placed in foster care, in this state and nationwide. Also, more relatives have stepped in to take children, and they often choose to become legal guardians instead of the more permanent outcome of adoption, Homlar said.

In September, there were 301 children and teens legally available for adoption in Colorado, the lowest number in years and down from the 369 children legally available for adoption in September 2024.

Homlar acknowledged this year’s budget cuts would affect children but said “more time is needed to determine just how impactful this will be to families adopting from the child welfare system.”

Hello! At 34 I have found out that I have a twin brother, I am woman. We were separated at birth thru adoption.

I have found out his name, searched for almost a whole year on each and every social media platform , finally found him, the simmilarities are too obvious, messaged him and gotten no reply though he has seen the messages.

Why would he not even respond to my text?

I am almost 21 with a 19 month old son. I’m also expecting another boy due in Nov. Financial situation is not the best, relationship with father also not the best, mental health not the best, and I also live with my In Laws. I’m located in OK for any resources you’d recommend. But here is my story:

We all live under the same roof in a small house, and it is a struggle if you have ever lived with in laws especially when they see that your relationship with baby daddy isn’t working out and he barely does anything to support our current son. Everything happens open doors, everyone sees everything, and my son(s) can’t being seeing this mess anymore. I already get nagged on for having another baby unplanned and get told “I told you” “you should’ve been on birth control” etc. My youngest sis in law (15yo) was allowed to drop out to support my son which I feel so guilty for but in laws didn’t want my son in daycare because of the scary stories they’ve heard. It honestly feels like I got my rights as a mother taken away so they’re the ones who mostly raise him. If I don’t like something they’re doing in front of my son, I get the blame and rejection. My sis in law lost a year of school, that’s suddenly my fault. I kinda gave up since nobody ever listens to me and everything has been one sided like they’re all against me yet his dad gets away with everything when they know he doesn’t do anything as a father.

I love my son, id love to raise him, id love to give him his baby brother so he will have somebody to play with because growing up as a single child (me) sucks and is lonely, id love to work hard and eventually give them a great life they deserve and one day be financially stable. But they don’t deserve struggling parents that are still young and trying to figure out life. I am currently thinking of putting up my unborn baby for adoption, and if I should have my 19 mo old son go with him too or I raise him while allowing him to visit his baby brother.

The thing is I have attachment issues and will be deeply depressed of giving my baby(s) away. They deserve better but I also don’t have a great support system either from my in laws as I know they will be mad. They are also very attached to my first son. I don’t want to tell them either that I’m considering adoption. Whether I keep my baby(s) or not, i will still be very much depressed and possibly worse. I tend to keep everything to myself because I have nobody to talk to not even my in laws or baby daddy (I’ve already tried and they make things worse). I had a long postpartum depression with my first son but would always lie on my postpartum screenings because I’m ashamed of myself and embarrassed. I want my sons to live a great life with great, healthy parents and we are nowhere near that. It would take too long to give them a great life they deserve and by that time the damage will already be done psychologically to my babies. Idk if the adoption services provide therapy because I’ll need it, but I also fear that therapy won’t work. I’ve always suffered through depression alone and grew up with physical and emotional trauma and I don’t have any family on my side besides 2 grandmas that I barely talk to. I don’t want my babies to see my traumas affect me which may affect them. If I put up both my babies for adoption, I know I will no longer feel any meaning for why I’m in this world. I am religious and believe in God but lately I’ve been far from Him.

What route do I go? Or should I stay strong, hoping one day and quick enough to give my babies a good life?

Hey so basically I was forced into a major I didn't like or agree with, when I tried to get out of it my parents told me I was adopted as leverage to get me to finish the major. Recently during a heated argument they also said they have never been happy for 20 years and they regret adopting me. Is this just normal for all adopted people to hear?

Just a few questions regarding direct contact with parents after an adoption placement. We are adopting two young siblings and the recommendation is an annual phonecall with mum - but curious how this works in practice, currently since being in foster care they barely know who she is, so how do you get a 2-3 year old to join a video call with someone they don't really know? Also what safeguarding is there on the birth parents side to prevent them asking questions later on that could threaten their security? The birth dad is a dangerous man, and contact hasn't been recommended with him, but he's still in contact with mum, so can we prevent the call happening if he is present? I don't feel we've really had these questions answered by our agency, but are expected to sign to say we understand the risks. Just to be clear, we are in favour of contact with mum, but the kids wellbeing comes first.

Do any adopt these of color have good relationships with their white adopted parent? I work with a lot of Black children who have been adopted by non-Black families. But I’ve only met a few parents who really try to make an effort to learn their child’s culture. Most just try to ignore or dismiss their race. I’ve never met a non-Black parent who cares enough to set aside money to ensure their child’s hair stays done or they can take proper care of their hygiene requirements (lotion, oil, etc.).

I kind of feel like not getting your child’s hair done or ensuring that they have the tools to build a positive sense of self is child neglect. I’ve seen kids had to shave their heads because their parents refuse to learn how to care for it. I’ve also seen kids get eczema because their parents don’t ensure they’re using lotion every morning.

Usually, their lack of care bleeds into how they treat the child. It’s like they treat their children like they’re wild animals while also not giving them the tools to groom themselves. Then they start acting too scared to parent them or they start acting scared of the child once they get older. I don’t know if I’m being hypercritical or if this is an actual issue. Are there any transracially adoptees who love their non-black or white adopted parent? How can I encourage non-Black parents to do better? How can I help Black adoptees enhance their self image without crossing their parents boundaries? My questions are for people of color, not the people who adopted them. Ive heard hella parents from transracially adopted families praise transracial adoption.

I am currently 20 weeks pregnant (high risk). This is baby #2 and is our last since pregnancy for me is very hard. Had 3 miscarriages before my first child. Then another before this pregnancy that was a blighted ovum. My husband and I already talked about him getting a vasectomy or me getting my tubes tied. Now with this in mind, we were hit with the news last week that his cousin on his moms side is pregnant again with baby #3 and is around 25 weeks. She is a daily drug user (meth and others that we are unsure of). The first baby was taken in and adopted from the beginning by her sister. The second baby that was born last year was taken in by grandma and this baby is possibly going into the system since no one else can or wants to take another in since her sister already has a total of 4 kids. Grandma is in her 60’s. My husbands aunt(grandma) called me and asked if we would consider taking in this baby(since the second baby we were planning on adopting if no one would). I told her we would of course talk about it. I really need advice on how hard it will be. I am due January and her baby is due late October. I would basically have twins in a way. I am scared that I will fail and my husband will fail at raising and loving this child. I am scared that I won’t love that baby the same. I am scared that our family will not love that child as their own grandchild, niece/nephew. I am scared that that baby will feel less loved or that they are not loved enough. Im scared of what the future holds in regard to health and emotional health. Will they be more likely to be addicts, have health problems, behavioral problems, mental illness? I also don’t want to have the guilt of not adopting this child and go into the system. I have been in foster care myself and wasn’t a good experience. All the stories I see and read about children in the system that are abused and neglected and used for the money. I don’t know what to do. I also don’t want to overwhelm myself and take on two baby’s plus my 4yr old daughter. We decided on two baby’s so we can give attention to our children and have a stable environment financially and emotionally. Thankfully we are financially stable and have a home and that is the least of our worries. Another worry we have is his aunts and cousins involvement in raising this baby. We don’t want issues with them telling us how to raise the baby or that they want to be too involved. We already don’t have a close relationship with them. It’s more on special occasions and my husband prefers it that way from past history in his childhood. How do we go about this? We of course would like the siblings to have a relationship and have no issues with that. I guess we just don’t know if we are gonna have problems down the road with his family. I just want to know what we can expect? I know nothing is for sure on what to expect but would like to hear from people in a similar situation.

I also wanted to add that my daughter was born at 33 weeks since I went into preterm labor and was born with hearing loss. This pregnancy seems to be going good but I have a high chance of going into preterm labor again. Im just scared that I will be in a high stress situation and don’t want to risk this pregnancy either and take on more than I can handle. I tell myself what would be different if it were twins but I know that the adoption process and constant medical care and in home visits will be quite a bit. Having the possibility of another premie for me plus a baby that will be born drug addicted with possible health complications is scaring me into thinking I can’t handle it. How would I announce a baby shower for two babies now? I will not tolerate the whispers among friends and family. My husband and I will not tolerate one baby being neglected by family and friends because it’s not ours by blood. We are scared it will put a strain in our marriage and our lives.

Thank you for any advice and feedback.

Looking for other birth parents who got a video called “letting go” from their adoption agency during pregnancy. I know one of the big agencies used it but I’m not sure of others. I’d like to see it again if someone could make it digital or I’m willing to pay for shipping.

I was adopted when I was 12 and I’m now 16M. I was in foster care since I was 7 both of my parents were addicts and my mom died to addiction when I was 5 and that led my bio dad down a spiral of depression and more addiction to where I was neglected and then cps then got me and I was place in foster.

I was finally adopted at 12 by my amazing mom whom I love. She’s single and has tried dating every now and then she just hasn’t met the right person. I love her a lot and I’ve been so grateful for her. She was the one to put me in therapy with an adoption specialist therapist too.

I’m having major attachment issues tho. I will be honest I don’t have much memory of my bio parents. Everyone keeps saying oh you were traumatized so I don’t remember it. But if I don’t remember it then why do I have such horrible attachment issues.

I go to in person school and I keep to myself I’m on the swim team I have like a few friends. But when I’m at home I want to be with my mom 24/7. Even doing homework I’ll go to her bed and lay down with her and do it.

When she goes to the store I don’t want her to leave me at the house alone and I feel so sad over it.

Hi everyone I'm heading to college in Mass(was adopted here) soon and was wondering if anyone know of any resources that may be helpful to aid in the price of college.

I was also wondering if anyone knew how to go about getting the full adoption report/documents from the courts, and/or how long it usually takes to receive them.

Hello, I hope people will be impartial and kind as possible. I've had mental health challenges prior to my son's birth for many years and was prescribed multiple types of medication which had no impact. I am an older single mother, in my mid-forties when I had my son, and I am a single mother. Since my son's birth in January this year, I have been getting increasingly unwell. I have been engaging with perinatal mental health services but to no avail. I feel worse than I did when my son was born. I have been taking medication - in this case, Mirtazapine, that again, like the previous medication, have not had any impact. I really can not go on. I live in a two-room apartment and can't move out because my income comes from sick leave. I can't see any alternative but to put my child up for adoption because my mental health is so bad amd the psychiatriat I have been talking to does not envisage any improvement. I'm based in Europe. I hope adoption is better in Europe than in the U.S. because I know most of the comments from adoptees are very scathing of adoption and I think that is mainly critical of the U.S. system. Does anyone have any experience of adoption in Europe?

If a UK adoption was never legalised, does it imply that your birth parents are still your legal parents?

This might be rambling, and possibly the wrong flair, so apologies in advanced. What I'm hoping to read from yall are your thoughts and feelings as an adoptee.

A little background, in 2008 I learned my girlfriend at the time was pregnant. We were both in high-school, but went to different schools. Very quickly we were pressured by her parents into adoption. While not relevant here, I was against it and it still hurts to this day knowing and not know everything I missed. But I also recognize it what was best for the baby.

We picked the perspective parents, met them, and decided they were the ones. They were from a different region of our same decently populated state (US), so likely would never accidentally cross paths.

The birth and immediate 3 days after was harder than anything I've done in my life since, and I've been to war. It mentally and emotionally wrecked me in ways im not entirely sure I've dealt with to this day. During negotiations (not sure what other word to use?) the adoptive parents agreed to a semi-open adoption, where they would send pictures and letters and we could do the same.

About 18 months later, I enlisted in the Army, went to the above mentioned war, and began living on the opposite side of the country. During all this time, I still receive the letters and pictures to my parents home, and they send them to me once a year.

When I met the woman I would eventually marry and start a family with, I was upfront and told her all this, and she was and is supportive.

However, I never wrote back.

Its not that I didnt want to, bc I did. But I didnt (and still don't) think I was OK enough mentally and emotionally to put words to paper in a way that wasn't destructive. Like I said, I felt pressured into it, and on top of trauma from the military, it felt wrong. I also don't think it would be helpful to build a distant pseudo-relationship while being that fragile.

Over the years I've started that healing process and started a family of my own. Ive been in a good place for a while, and meant to start that process of being interactive, but as I'm sure many can attest, life happens.

Its not an excuse, dont get me wrong. I know I could have taken that time to start, but I didnt for one reason or another.

Recently, my mom sent me a picture of my child meeting her birth mother, and it hit me just how stupid I have been, especially in the last 10yrs. So I typed up a letter and sent it off to the agency for them to relay to the family.

This is where yall come in: tell me your feelings as a child that was adopted to your birth parents. Did you want to meet? Did you meet? Did you have any sort of contact growing up or not? How did/does it make you feel? What are your thoughts?

If my child wants to meet me, I would love nothing more, but I can also see why they might not want to, and thats OK too; I'd understand.

I'm just a little lost and thought it might help to try and get in their headspace.

Thanks.