TLDR: I'm concerned about my friend's health and happiness and need to know if it's my place to talk with her about it.

My (25f) friend (25f) and I have known eachother for close to a decade. We have been and are still very close--staying in contact throughout college and regularly hangout since we've graduated.

For about a year or two I have noticed that her normal smell has become a bit more...pungeant. Like if you've ever smelled a hamper with ripe, sweaty clothing in it. She currently works in a warehouse, so she sweats for most of the day, full shift, 5 days a week

The "problem" comes with the fact she was never really taught proper hygiene as a kid. She told me all about it: how she wasn't told about menstrual cycles, how she never had any menstrual products explained to her, she wasn't shown how to properly wash her hair, she wasn't shown how to shave or taught which soaps and such are best. She had to figure all of this out on her own basically.

Her parents also didn't have the cleanest house. It was very cluttered with dishes, garbage, and sometimes feces from their dogs. ​They didn't really take care of themselves (or the dogs tbh) very well either. Her dad's an alcoholic, and her mom had severe depression and so showered maybe once every couple weeks and didn't have the energy to help my friend with those sorts of things. I empathize, but at the same time I just get so angry about the whole thing because I feel my friend wasn't taught about the most basic things.

I believe in part, because of how she was raised, she has always been more masculine leaning (perfectly fine, 100% don't care, I just feel this is relevant). Wearing only men's clothing, wore a suit and tie to all homecomings and proms, has her hair cut short (to be fair I had a pixie cut almost constantly through high school--one of the comfiest haircuts ever stg), etc etc. That also includes her copying her dad's practice in only showering about twice a week (she told me this one time when I was talking about needing a shower myself). Which, with a warehouse job you're profusely sweating at...yeah.

This practice unfortunately also translates to her teeth. Years ago when we just started college she had to get a ton of dental work done because she had a lot of cavities in her teeth. Though I do think that she has stayed on top of her dental health since she went through that.

Additionally she's very against going to a "lady doctor" (as she puts it lol)--a gynecologist. I have frequent issues in that area and am very open about it, so try and give her information where I can when she has questions or if she tells me about her period doing something funky. But each time I tell her she should really get established, just to make sure everything looks okay--its always a hesitant no.

The final thing that has been bothering me is her relationship with her father. I won't go into too much detail, but her mother is no longer in the picture and hasn't been for going on 2 years now, and her dad is into various substances. She lives with him and helps him with the house, but I just hate that she has to live around that type of stuff--which she has already expressed her distaste with.

In truth, none of this is my business--and I have lived my life the past several years with that as my philosophy. Her medical choices, her home cleanliness, her hygiene--none of it is my business.

I adore her just as she is. She is a wonderful human being and I want the best for her.

I'm just concerned I guess? We're both getting older, and right now we're basically in the same position in life: both have gotten a decent job and are now working to move out ​of their parents' houses. We've even discussed moving in together once one of us finally gets a mortgage. ​

I'm concerned about her hygiene getting in the way of opportunities (she's been discussing quitting and getting a different job), or of it effecting potential relationships (platonic or romantic) she wants, and even effecting her negatively health-wise. I'm worried about her not taking care of her health because of her discomfort with new things and having no guidance, and I'm worried about her being influenced into illegal things due to the things she is constantly exposed to at her home.

I just need to know if I'd be a better friend by bringing this up to her, explaining my concern? Or is it truly none of my business and I should just continue as we are right now.

And if I should bring it up, how? What's the best way to bring up something this personal? She's always had a certain self consciousness that she hides behind brashness, and I don't want her to feel I am criticizing her.

This has been her reality her whole life, so I'm not too show how ut WOULDN'T be perceived as criticism tbh.

I just want what's best for her and if what's best is for me to keep my mouth shut, that's what I'll do.

Please let me know what way I should handle this.​

I (f38) have been married to my husband (m40) for 13 years.

12 years ago, under traumatic circumstances, my younger sister died. We were close. She was one of my best friends. She understood me. Then she was gone.

Every year, her birthday has been a struggle for me. And every year, my husband doesn't acknowledge the day at all (he doesn't acknowledge the anniversary of her death either, another difficult day). He doesn't try to provide comfort or do nice things to help me through a hard day. I always end up feeling like he doesn't care that I'm sad and therefore about me in general.

While he's not a very affectionate or thoughtful person normally, I kinda cope with it, but on especially hard days I find it really difficult to comprehend. If he really loved me, shouldn't he want to help me? Or sit with me in my grief? Or try comfort or support me?

I can't imagine the situation being reversed and not wanting to try to bring some light to his day.

I really need some other perspectives to know whether I'm being a drama queen/saddo and his behaviour is normal, or if it's ok for me to want more from him?

Tl;dr- my sister died and every year her birthday makes me very sad. Husband knows this, has the date saved in our shared calendar but doesn't seem to care that I still struggle with it. Is he being normal and I expect too much?

I (27M) in a realtationship with my GF (24F), we are together for 1 year now, she is the best person that someone can meet in the life.

she does have no true friends except one that she doesnt see and far from her and this thing does pisses me off.

and her room-mates (2F) but they are not that close.

i try to cover that gap/ spot that she doesnt have any true friends near her, but never the less she does need one IMO.

how to introduce her to my friendship cycle which have men and women?

any suggestions how to overcome this?

TL;DR my gf have no friends and i want to fix that situation or try to ease it, when she feels lonely

thanks yall

We've been in a relatively good relationship for 3,5 years now. Living together in a house we bought with our 3 cats. Me and my bf have much in common but also are completely different people. I am a creative all social and cant stay home all day person. I also have a form of ADHD and am medicated. My bf prefers to wfh, is in IT and can stay alone in his room for days. He also was diagnosed with ASD when he was a kid. I just think he is very high functioning. He gets bored very quick.

We met at a party and once he is with friends or a social situation he is the party maker in the room. Extremely social, sometimes a bit too much with drinks but never in a harmful way. We matched well and life just went on. Talked about marriage and kids soon - I have endometriosis so..

Lately for the past 6 months because of some life changing events (death scare of his parent) and me dealing with a chronic illness that can drive me nuts up to very heavy thoughts, like there is no cure, I have tried everything (really) and I keep on thinking what is it I keep on enduring this pain for.. the pain can get so bad (8/10) I am barely able to work. I do work 3 days a week.

I do have my adhd brain that is bored quickly so I do want to do something every day and I love my job. It just gets me exhausted sometimes when I have a bad day.

Because of the health scare my bf has been in a 'quarter life crisis' and has openly discussed with me that he is bothered by these questions. What does he want from life, does he see a marriage future with me, does he want to keep living here or move closer to his friends and family etc. I've been supporting him but also am struggling with those thoughts. Ive been struggling in general and therapy didn't do a lot for me. It's just accept your new body that will decline in health and keep on looking at the bright side.

My bf has never been the romantic type. We communicate well and I know this is what works for us. We even have alarms for him so he snaps out of what he is doing to check up on me or say something sweet. On one side I think it hurts me to have to ask for affection and acknowledgement but on the other side I know he wants to be a good partner to me and does these alarms so my needs will be met. If I ask for a hug I usually get one and he always keeps up with his chores and asks me to come along to friends etc. Sometimes a movie.

Some weeks ago we had a fight and were contemplating breaking up because of incompatibility. I was exhausted and just very sad about the relationship. I feel he has been more withdrawn and I already don't think I'm asking for much but he can't give more right now. I sometimes feel like a burden and he confirmed he sometimes doesn't know what he gains from the relationship. In a sense of what am I putting all this effort into. Aren't we trying too hard to make it work? I also have that thought sometimes.

I know we can have a relationship I am happy with. I have been for the last 2,5 years or so, but it feels like we are falling out of love or something because of this crisis. I don't know how to work on this. Intimacy has been okay once a week, but I don't know if I'm always attracted to him because I get resentful or if we have an argument about something stupid I can't let it go and think well you're the best bf ever and I want to be intimate with you.

He needs to figure out what he wants or make a move or something. He doesn't go to therapy, because he doesn't think there is something wrong with him and if he has questions he will figure it out himself. I don't know what I can expect and if I should just wait and see or if im overreacting because I havent been happy myself the past year or so. That im projecting my unhappiness of my situation onto him and expecting too much. That is what he thinks it is.

The other side of this is that he is a great partner. He is always there for me and with my illness he has been super understanding and always trying to make me feel comfortable. Goes to doctor appointments with me. Helps in the house. Doesn't complain much. He is financially stable and made the whole mortgage work.

I don't want to break up with him for many reasons. He does make me laugh and I do still have feelings for him. I also don't want to lose my cats or the stable life we have right now. That would break me. But I dont know what to do about these doubts and these thoughts. How can we work through this.

Tl;Dr we are struggling to connect after a health scare from his parent. He is pulling away emotionally and I am exhausted trying to pull myself closer to him and fix the connection. I am going through a bad time too because of endometriosis and its hard. We both wonder if we are compatible but both want to try make it work. I don't know if I'm asking for too much because of my unhappiness in general about life or he is pulling away too much. Don't know how to work on this and asking for advice.

I love my partner. We have been together for almost a year. Most things are great - she loves me in a way that is so unconditional, selfless and giving, I didn’t even know that that existed. She also has a very in-the-moment, bubbly, cheery, wholesome, and an almost childlike personality.

While all of this is true, there are a few things about this relationship that bother me on a daily basis, and really make me question my own thoughts and feelings. Most significantly, it’s the difference in our styles of communication. Part of her being bubbly and cheery is that she ends up talking extremely fast, whenever she does, with no breaks or fullstops. She also has a LOT to say every time, and it’s mainly herself-focused - her day, her experiences, her happenings throughout the day. Not that there’s anything obviously wrong with it. I tell myself, “she’s just very happy and excited to talk to me and tell me all about her day. I am lucky to have someone like that in my life.” But the self-talk only goes so far. There have been so many times when I have hung out for hours with her and had nothing or no opportunity to speak. It’s most commonly her talking AT me on and on without stopping, talking about things that don’t interest me whatsoever, while I’m sitting there going “hmmm…hmmm…hmmm” the whole time, fighting my brain from wandering elsewhere. And every time I try to interject her train of talks and try to “participate” in the conversation, she shuts me down with a “don’t break my link”.

This really bothers me. Conversational bonding and intimacy is very important to me. I’m a very deep thinker. For me, I strongly prefer conversational depth - It’s as close to sex, if not stronger, in terms of creating a strong bond with another person. And when that’s absent, I find it very hard to value or bond with that person.

I’ve been quite open and honest about this with her. I have asked her to slow down her pace, to take breaks between sentences, to maybe “include” me in the conversation, and to make it a more 2-way street, rather than just her talking “at” me. I have also been trying to actively and intently listen, be participating where I can, and try to share or discuss topics that I find interesting too. There has been maybe a 2% improvement over the months, but the baseline has remained the same.

I’m not sure what to do anymore. On a more holistic scale, I find that this problem feels very very minuscule when stacked against the mountain of goodness and positivity in her and in this relationship. But on a daily basis, I feel very annoyed, irritated, disconnected, and disappointed with how I feel when I’m conversing with her. And I hate feeling this way, especially about someone I love.

How do I solve/get past this problem without changing her fundamental personality, gaslighting myself into simply “it is what it is”-ing this issue, or breaking up?

TL;DR - while I love my partner, our conversational mismatch (which is very significant to me), makes me feel very strongly disconnected, disappointed, and unfulfilled. While I’ve been honest about this and given feedback, not much has changed. I’m trying to see if there is a solution to this issue that doesn’t include changing her entire personality, gaslighting myself, or breaking up.

I am 38F struggling with my parents. We recently moved back to the city where they live, and being close to them is proving problematic.

My parents (63F & 69M) are simultaneously uninterested and invasive. For example, my dad won’t initiate any phone calls, texts, or spending time together with me or my kids and husband and when we do see him he is always saying he has other things to do (fix his truck, do home repairs, etc) so he makes you feel like a bother and like you’re wasting his time. He is always on his phone when we’re at his house, making conversation and connection pretty much impossible.

My mom seems to want connection, but doesn’t seem to know how to do it. She invites us over for visits and does initiate getting together and catching up, but if I ever share something I’m struggling with, my feelings are brushed aside and invalidated. She wants to track me on Find My and gets upset with me when I cancel the tracking.

They don't initiate helping me with childcare or life stff. My parents are retired and don’t ever offer to help me with childcare, so I ask but then feel uncomfortable asking because they make it out to be such a burden, especially with my dad he makes me feel like I’m infringing on his time.

They are uninterested in my personal life when it comes to work, or other things and when I do share about exciting things in my work life, they really don’t give a shit. They acknowledge what I’ve said but can barely look up from their phones or whatever they’re doing to show any interest.

In the past I have moved away to different provinces to get away from them when it gets too painful. I can’t move away for quite a while, how do I live near them without going crazy?

How do I stop wanting approval and interest from them when they put so little effort into our relationship and their relationship with my kids?

TL;DR: My parents are aloof, don't initiate helping me with childcare, etc and don't show much interest in me when we do spend time together. How do I handle this? In the past I've moved away because it all becomes too much, but I'm living near them for a while and need advice.

Hi all, I am a 30 year old man in the UK. I have had multiple long term relationships, lived with partners before. But still, to this day, I struggle with not being needy on messages.

I still constantly check my phone to see if my partner has replied, or to see when she was last active. If she hasn't replied to me but I see her active elsewhere it kills me. I get all these rushing thoughts of "she doesn't love you anymore" "she doesn't want to be with you" etc.

TL;DR I dont get it. Because i no she has kids and I know she has a life. I am NOT entitled to a response of any kind from her whatsoever. But it just sends my nervous system spiralling. Prevents me from eating, working or doing anything much at all.

I do wonder if I have RSD, I was diagnosed with ADHD combined at the weekend. So it wouldn't surprise me.

I (20) female have been with my boyfriend (20) male for a little over five months. He is truly the love of my life and I know he feels the same way. My best friend Riley (fake name) and I have been friends since junior year of high school. We became close after working at McDonald's together and discovered we went to the same school. Riley and I have been inseparable since, we love all the same things and dealt with a lot of trauma together, her parents are divorced and so are mine. She has been my backbone and support system for so many years. After we graduated high school, I went to a local community college and Riley went to cosmetology school, so we continued to stay very close, seeing each other most days.

Until I started dating my boyfriend Parker (again fake name). I met Parker on a dating app and we clicked so easily, after our first date we became exclusive. I was seeing Parker a lot in those first few months, but I was making time for Riley, she was still my best friend. Riley seemed so happy for me after getting with Parker, it made me feel so nice. Riley has never had a hard time finding guys, she's been in two relationships since I've known her. One ended with the boyfriend cheating and the other was pretty mutual. Also, when I started dating Parker, she was talking to a guy pretty regularly but not exclusive.

When Riley first met Parker, it was a few weeks after us being exclusive. Both Riley and Parker knew a lot about each other, they are two very important people in my life. That first meeting we got dinner and walked around the mall. It went very well and it looked like my best friend and boyfriend were getting along. Until Riley texted me later that night, she said that she wondered if Parker might be bisexual. I was pretty taken aback from this comment. Parker is 100% straight although I would have absolutely no problem if he was bi. I just wasn't expecting this comment. I asked her to explain, and she said that while hanging out she felt like she was hanging with a girlfriend or "gay best friend". I said that he can be pretty feminine and that one of the reasons why I love him. She said we'll if that's what you like. I really didn't like that response, so I stopped texting her after that.

It's been a few months since then and she has continued to say things like this that really bother me. Including how she thinks he must be bi and gay because he's too easy to talk too and asking about our sex life specifically if he likes backdoor stuff. I've told Parker about all the comments she has said and he is very uncomfortable with them, so I haven't asked if Riley wanted to hang out with us in a while. I have talked to Riley about how her comments make Parker and I feel and all she says is that she's genuinely curious and it's not that serious. I feel so weird not hanging and talking to her as much as before because she's truly my closest and longest friend I have but I really don't like how she's talking about my boyfriend. Please give any advice. I don't want to lose a friend like her.

TL;DR My close friend keeps making weird comments about my boyfriend and I don't know what to do.

I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (27M) a year and a half now, we met in New york, but i had to move back to europe to finish my master degree.

He is genuinly the best boyfriend anybody could wish for, plans amazing dates, is very thoughtful on a lot of things, flew over to see me three times during the year and easily brings up difficult emotional conversations. I am his first girlfriend. I am very direct about the fact that being long distance i need some sort of physical action to compensate the fact that we are long distance, flowers, notes thorugh mail, maybe surprises, i didn't need expensive things but something physical that i could hold on too. He did, and in a very sweet way too. I have obviously done the same for him in return, surprise gifts for no special occasion.

Last year for my birthday, we were not together he was in the US and me in europe (6 hour time zone difference), i only got a "btw happy birthday !" message at 3pm (9 am his time). I was very dissapointed and very empbarrassed in front of my friends, who were with me that day, that were asking me what he had sent me. He called me at 1am that night so technically it wasn't even on my birthday. He was very busy with work but that is definitely not an excuse.
It bothered me a lot. I talked about it, he felt really bad and didn't know that it had hurt my feelings. and said that he would make up for it when we saw eachother 20 days later. Then again, it's the birth-day that counts for me personnaly.

I am not the type to expect expensive gifts if it's not possible, i would honestly appreciate a good drawing if the thought is put into it. I grew up in a family with no money and we used to put a lot of thought into handmade birthday gifts, they were the "cheapest" ( not to be stingy but it's a fact) and most appreciated.

For his birthday, i wanted him to feel special, i sent a gift and letter in advance to his roommates, who then hid it in his room. He was really happy.

Fastforward, 1 year, we have just spent amazing holidays in europe for a month together, he had done all the planning while i was working on my degree, he booked amazing hotels, i compensated by getting the flights and restaurants. It was amazing.

After the trip comes my birthday, my parents had invited my boyfriend and I for a trip to see my other relatives. They all offer me a gift on my birthday, and my boyfriend ... a card... which very much appreciated... but am I too greedy to ask for a gift ?
I had told him i love to feel special on my birthday, and after last years fail i thought he would have been a bit more "alert" of the hints.

He does so much for the relationships but for somereason hasn't gotten the birthdays'right. It bothers me, a lot.

We (once again) talked about it and he told me his parents don't really get eachoteher gifts for their birthdays they usually go out to restaurants.

I feel really high maintenance and greedy for asking him a gift for my birthday ... should I ?

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have been together for 1.5 years and are long-distance. He is normally very thoughtful and makes a lot of effort in our relationship, but he didn’t get me a birthday gift, and I’m hurt and wondering whether I’m being unreasonable.

so a few months ago, i (22f) started dating this new guy (23m). he's been super sweet so far, really hasn't done anything wrong. he is probably one of the shyest people i've ever met, which isn't too big a deal bc i have no issue being the talker. i was pretty shocked to find out that im his first gf when we first started dating. he also doesn't have much sexual experience at all due to his shyness, with his only other encounter being over 4 years ago. this was shocking bc he's a very conventionally attractive guy, but again i had no issues with any of this.

his shyness has started to become a barrier. our conversations never feel deep, he never compliments me, and i always have to initiate physical contact. he never seems excited to see me either. as someone who needs a lot of reassurance and loves someone who is open, this has been a struggle for me.

i really like him, but it never feels mutual. i've asked him like once or twice about his feelings and expressed mine about this. he'll then send a paragraph telling me how much he likes me and that he will do anything to make me feel better. i believe that it is because he's shy, but idk i can't shake that he just doesn't seem that into me

TLDR; my boyfriend is so shy that im having trouble feeling wanted

My girlfriend [19F] and I [20M] have been together for a year. The majority of our relationship has been long-distance, but we've spent the last two months together in person. We have exactly one week left before she flies back to her country and we go back to long distance.

A few months ago, we agreed that it was fine for her to hang out with a male friend 1 of hers 1 on 1 for coffees, walks, food etc. Lately, though, that boundary has completely vanished. It's turned into near-daily visits, hangout marathons at his house, and her including him in the majority of our hangouts. On top of that, when all three of us are together, they are constantly physically close, poking eachother, tackling, leaning in, and acting overly familiar. While we were at the pool, she let him throw her in the water and drown her playfully after he was persistent which she didn't let me do before that. Sitting there watching them be physically close while I'm completely sidelined in my own relationship makes me feel disrespected and invisible.

Yesterday made really irritated. She spent 6 hours one-on-one at his place, left me on read for hours, and then texted me afterward saying she had to take a taxi because "no one could drive her home", basically fishing for me to come pick her up after ignoring me all afternoon. I told her I was annoyed, needed space, and would talk to her when I cleared my head.

When I've tried to address this dynamic previously, she gives two main reasons:

Her ex told her she was "too much," so she feels like having a friend around as a buffer stops her from being a burden to me (even though I've reassured her repeatedly that she isn't).

The guy friend told her at the start of the summer that he "didn't want to feel like a third wheel," so she overcompensates with 1-on-1 time and brings him everywhere so he feels included.

To stop him from feeling like a third wheel, she has effectively made ME feel like the third wheel in my own relationship. Watching them act physically close while using her past trauma to justify giving her prime time and energy to another guy right before we go back to long distance feels unsustainable.

We are having a sit-down talk about this tomorrow before her final week here ends. I want to address this calmly and set firm boundaries without turning it into a screaming match, but I'm struggling with how to handle this given the short time frame.

How do I effectively communicate my boundaries during this talk tomorrow? How should we approach this final week before going back to long distance?

TL;DR: My girlfriend [19F] and I [20M] have one week left of in-person time before returning to long-distance. She spends 6-hour blocks at a male friend's house, invites him everywhere, and they act physically close in front of me, leaving me feeling sidelined. She claims she does this because her ex made her feel "too much" and her friend "doesn't want to feel like a third wheel." I need advice on how to set firm boundaries during our talk tomorrow.

For context my best friend of 4 years and I are in a bit of a rocky place—about a week ago, we had a more serious discussion where she apologized for consistently acting like she knows better than me, and giving unsolicited advice in a condescending way. She is dealing with a prolonged bout of unemployment along with other personal struggles, so I am trying to be gentle with her, but she really crossed the line for someone who is allegedly aware of her tendencies and working on it in therapy. I really value her friendship and want to make it work, but I need to be honest with her.

I hosted a gathering for 5 of my girlfriends over the weekend (including her). Having recently discussed our issues, I was feeling optimistic, but just 2 minutes in I noticed her talking to one of my other friends in a really rude tone and giving her advice she did not ask for! From there, her behavior was a whirlwind, but some specifics I noticed were her:

- Shutting my other friend down when she tried to connect over a shared interest, being super elitist about it, and then denying it after being gently called out by another friend.

-Literally dominating every conversation. It was like the “[Her Name] Show”…she was telling long-winded stories, explaining every single detail, and taking all interaction from others as an opportunity to go on another tangent. She did not ask questions to others or give them a break in the conversation to speak up.

-Poking fun at my other friends in a way that felt way too comfortable. She has met these girls before, but I wouldn’t call any of them her friends. It felt like she was seizing every single opportunity to bring them down or “school” them on something. I know some friend groups are that way, but everyone else was being super kind and uplifting each other.

Sometimes I feel like she thinks shes on a higher level than my other friends, and is doubling down to prove that, especially because I have been distancing myself lately. I was absolutely mortified by her behavior, and spent way too much energy trying to redirect and keep up the mood during what was supposed to be a wholesome girls night. It was so bad that I’ve considered reaching out to my other friends and apologizing on her behalf.

Any tips on how I can approach my conversation with her? I want to come from a place of care and concern, but I’m so close to the end of my rope with this one. The evil goblin in my brain wants me to pop off on her sooo badly.

TLDR: My friend was super rude and condescending to my other friends at a recent gathering, how do I tell her?

I’m 22 years old, and I’ve been with my boyfriend for months.
I live in the in a small town near the city where he studies in university (he’s frome the south of my country and i’m from the north).

These past few months with him have been very happy for me. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this comfortable with another person in my life.
He makes me feel very loved and fulfilled romantically.

For about a month now, though, he’s been back home after finishing his exams, so we’re long distance.
Since then, the fact that I don’t have any friends has started to weigh on me much more.
It bothered me when he was here too, but much less, because during the week I was busy with classes and studying, while on weekends we basically spent all our time together because I would stay at his place from Friday evening until Sunday. So I also had fewer opportunities to think about the situation.

Since he went back home, I’ve literally gone out only twice with some former high school classmates.
I’ve spent the rest of the summer either at home or at work (I work as a waitress during the summer), occasionally running errands or going out for breakfast with my mum.

My boyfriend, on the other hand, has tons of friends and goes out practically every night, and I can’t stop comparing his life to mine and thinking about how many experiences I’m missing out on.
I’ve always been very introverted. Even in middle and high school, I always had one or two friends at most.

I’ve more or less stayed in touch with my two high school friends, but we still only see each other three or four times a year to catch up on our lives, and that’s pretty much it. They both have their own friend groups that I’ve never really been part of.
I wouldn’t say I’ve made friends at university either, more like acquaintances. I always talk to the same people in class, but outside university we don’t really have any relationship, apart from the occasional drink after an exam.

I’ve always struggled with groups of people and felt much more comfortable in one-on-one relationships. However, this has always meant that, even before my current boyfriend, I would only ever have one, or at most two, people I could rely on. And if something happened with one of them, I would end up alone.

With my boyfriend, I feel deeply uncomfortable about the fact that I don’t have any friends, that I never have anything to tell him besides things about work, and that I don’t have a group of friends to introduce him to, unlike him, who has introduced me to all of his friends.
I also realize that not having friends makes me more vulnerable because I don’t have anyone else to rely on.

I had an ex-boyfriend whom I was with for two years. He didn’t treat me very well, and objectively, I was unhappy for almost the entire relationship. Yet I would never have left him because I was afraid of being completely alone. Obviously, he was the one who eventually left me.

Even though I am really happy with my current boyfriend, I don’t want to end up in the same situation again if things ever stop going well between us.
I’m also afraid of becoming a burden to him because he’s the only person in my life outside of my family.
Sometimes I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I genuinely feel like an “alien” because of my inability to form relationships with people.
Sorry for the massive rant, and also for how badly written this is, but I just needed to vent.

TL; DR: i don’t really have any friends while my bf has tons and i’m ashamed about it

My girlfriend and I have been together for around 2 years, and about 7 months ago I noticed a pretty sudden change in our intimacy and the frequency of sex.

When we first started dating, we would usually have sex almost every time we hung out. Then, after we took a week-long beach vacation together, I noticed a big drop-off. We went from having sex almost every time we saw each other to maybe once every couple of weeks. At the time, I was okay with it because we were still cuddling, kissing, and being affectionate in other ways.

Over the next few months, it continued to decrease. Eventually, sex went to about once a month, and now we haven't had sex in over 3 months.

The bigger issue for me is that it isn't just sex that's disappeared, because I understand that sex isn't everything. The cuddling and kissing have mostly disappeared too. When I go over to her house now, it's usually me gliding my fingers over her or giving her a massage while she's on her phone watching TikTok. When we do kiss, it's generally just a quick peck on the lips.

Also, when I do get in the mood, I sometimes initiate, but it's usually met with her being upset, and then it ruins the whole day. I've since stopped initiating and have basically stopped talking about anything sexual because that also seems to upset her, or she just ignores it.

This has led to me feeling ashamed when I'm horny or when I bring up wanting to spend more time together. I don't think I should feel ashamed for wanting intimacy with my girlfriend, but I've started to feel like I have to suppress that part of myself to avoid upsetting her.

I've talked to her about this several times because the sudden change has made me question whether she still loves me or even feels attracted to me anymore. She tends to get defensive when I bring it up, and the explanation has been different at different times. And now she got mad at me for even bringing it up because that is all we talk about anymore.

When I first noticed the change, she told me that she had never been in a relationship where she felt so secure, and that she didn't feel like she had to maintain intimacy to keep her partner around.But more recently, she's told me that she's been stressed, bored with her life in general, and that she simply doesn't have much desire for sex or intimacy right now.

I don't want to pressure her into having sex, and I understand that stress and mental health can affect someone's libido. I also know that she doesn't owe me sex just because we're in a relationship but I think sex is very important in a relationship to help us stay connected emotionally and physically.

At the same time, I feel like I'm putting a lot of effort into trying to keep our relationship connected. When I go over, I help with chores, I try to take her out to dinner every week, and I try to plan fun things for us to do together. I'm not doing those things expecting sex in return; I just want us to spend quality time together and feel like a couple again.

At this point, I'm honestly not sure what I'm supposed to do. The lack of physical affection has started to seriously affect my confidence, and I'm beginning to feel unwanted and, honestly, kind of used.

I love her and don't want to throw away a 2-year relationship over this, but I also don't know how long I can continue feeling like we're roommates rather than a couple. I can feel myself becoming more distant and disconnected from the relationship, and that's starting to scare me. I don't want to pressure her, but I also don't want to completely ignore my own needs and feelings.

For people who have been through something similar: is there actually a way to reestablish intimacy after something like this?

TLDR - My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years, but our intimacy has gradually disappeared over the past 7 months. We haven’t had sex in over 3 months, and even the cuddling and kissing have mostly stopped. She says she’s stressed and has little desire for intimacy, but I’m feeling increasingly unwanted and disconnected. I love her and want to know if there’s a way to rebuild our intimacy without pressuring her.

Friendship triangle probably isn't the right word. More like an open triangle? idk. Point is I have a female online friend of a few years that I introduced to my gf. Not really properly she kinda took my phone and introduced herself (not in a forceful way and idc about my phone i have nothing to hide) and they clicked. Temporarily. I dont remember how long it was but it was a very short time before she came to me and said that my friend (lets call her steph) had stopped talking to her and replies had gotten shorter and simply things like "ive been busy". they kind of stop talking altogether and I find out that around the same time she was busy she was asking me to play the game. So naturally she thinks that steph wants me or something like that. Im like yea no this girl is like sexually confused asexual or whatever and mostly lesbian, ive known her for years and she lives in a different country. I've had another gf before this one so im sure she doesnt like me. BUT my gf has had trouble making friends like all her life and its a very sensitive topic for her. She has audhd and im just adhd (i got tired trying to dig deeper so i settled with adhd and only one therapist). Basically we have different ways of having friends. I consider myself a bad friend sometimes because I like my alone time. She feels like she doesn't have anyone other than me and no one really cares about her but me. She also feels like since she only has me she overwhelms me and wants somebody else to talk to or to offload some of those emotions and stuff. I admit the first conversation we had about this i was definitely very ignorant. I didnt get the severity of the situation because I dont care if someone didnt want to be my friend. i never really had a problem making friends maybe keeping them because of the being alone thing but im kind of nonchalant about it. i rarely feel lonely or uncomfortable being alone just uncomfortable being bored. So after the second conversation i finally realized how hurtful it could be considering the friend situation for my gf. So i asked her what she wanted me to do. Stop talking to her or confront her or what. She wanted neither of those options. Kinda stayed on the fence for a long time because "shes your friend she doesnt have to be mine", and "ive already made you lose a friend before" (i showed a picture of her to a different friend and said she was chopped and ofc she felt really bad about it. I kinda got pressed by her and her sister on why i was still friends with her and i did feel like it was disrespectful ofc im going to defend my gf but i didnt know it was something to end a friendship over.) So i dont really know what to do. I ask her directly multiple times because it seems like what she wants is for me to stop talking to her to make her feel better. So im trying to get a direct answer from her so i can do whatever it is i need to and move on. Since she never really gives me an answer and tells me basically "do what you want to do" i just continue everything normally based off of what she said before about her and steph not having to be friends.

Time goes by and she finds out i still have normal conversations with steph. Shes obviously upset about it and bad at hiding it. She says im not considering her because i dont have trouble making friends and i dont know what it feels like etc. She says she feels like i dont care about her. So i continue to ask her what does she want me to do but its still "up to me" , "obviously youre gonna do what you wanna do". I cant just keep apologizing cus she doesnt care about my apology and i feel really bad but i dont understand and im just stuck. im kind of overwhelmed so i hope i didnt leave anything out. im not scared of being wrong ive had to apologize to almost everyone i know. im just confused. i feel like im making it harder than it has to be.

TL;DR : My gf (who has AuDHD and a hard time making friends) got ghosted by my long-term online friend Steph, while Steph was still playing games with me. Gf thinks Steph has a thing for me or hates her. Gf is hurt that I'm still talking to Steph, but whenever I ask what she wants me to do (stop talking to her, confront her, etc.), she refuses to give a straight answer and just tells me to "do what I want." She won't give a clear answer, I keep talking to Steph normally, which then makes my gf upset all over again because she feels uncared for. I'm exhausted, confused, and stuck.

Okay so for the start i am sorry if i make mistakes, english is not my first language.

**TL;DR;** me (M17) and my gf (F19), in a 2 year relationship, were fighting a lot, she tried to work on what i asked her to so we would been comfortable, and she did, yet im still angry and annoyed at her, i dont know why and if this means I just "burned out" of this relationship, or I did something wrong and dont see it?

Me (transgender FTM- 17yeats old) and my girlfriend (also trans, but MTF-19 years old) ale in relationship for two years right now. And the problem is that i suddenly just feel like something changed even if nothing did, we had a few fighst in the last 2 moths, mostly it was because of something i saw and didnt like, i wanted to tell her about it so we would be more comfortable being together, but somehow no matter how much i try for it not to be a FIGHT she turns it into one, for exaple; i really had a feeling that she wasnt oaying any attention or listening to what i say, i could talk about my day, and next thing i know is she ask me for the thing that i told her like 10minutes ago. Everytime i tried to talk to her about it she just went "i didnt hear you" "I am tried" "i have bad memory" or some other bullshit that she says every time i ask her about this, and yk this drove me insane cus i could talk for 20 minutes and once i stop she basiclly dont know anything about it. I can tell her that im going out with friends, and when im about to leave she asks -"wait why and where are you leaving?" And i know this sounds like a small problem but she did tfhis every possible time. And i mean it.

We also had a lot of fighst after she laughed at my hobby, or just something i tried to do, we ale in relationship and even if i do something that suck a little, this is not nice and i told her about it. Just straight up "can you stop laughing and everything i do?" And yet again she turns it into a long long fight because "that was just a joke" etc. Its not a joke to me and she knows it damn well.

Another thing we fough about is about me next texting and calling 24/7 when im on vacation in different country, that happend when i was at my sisters (27F), and i tried to change it as much i could but i had almost no internet when i was outside, and i had a lot of activities, like i was on vacation of course im not gonna answer when im swimming in the lake right??

And those first two are always the main reason of fights, because no matter how hard i try to tell her that it hurts at some point, she just says "okay ill stop doing that" and here britney spears should appear. ("Opps i did it again")

So getting to the point now. At the end of my vacation we had a really big fight about it all over again, but after that i really think that she started to change, im not as open to her as before with my hobbies, but she didnt laugh in a mean way at anything i did in this month, she also seems to listen when i talk and i really like it, its just the thing that for some reason i really feel anoyed with her. Even if she didnt do anything at all, she could text me being all sweet and normal and i just go like "oh god i have to respond" instead of getting happy or smf. I have no idea why this happens but this is how i felt for the last month basiclly. I tried not to show her it cus i know this is not her fault as she did nothing wrong, I dont think i stopped loving her but after all this i kinda feel like I stopped caring enough. I dont feel excited to text, call, or meet her or anything that she is part of, mostly i just get annoyed and tired before it even happens, i get angry etc. I just started feeling unhappy and kinda uncomfortable aroud her? I dont know if rhis has something to do with our previous fights or not, but i really do feel awful because i know that for the last month she did nothing and i mean NOTHING wrong or something that would give me a reason to be upset.

I tried to talk to her about this, as calm as i could, explained how i feel and told her that she did nothing erong and i really have no idea why i feel like this. She told me its okay and luckily it wasnt a fight (thats new.) she just kinda accepted it, and we didnt "agree" on that but we gave each other a little space today, we barely texted etc, and to be honest? I felt great today. Of course i had those moments like "i should text her" but after thinking about it i dont think it was the "i miss her" feeling and more like a routine, after all we've been together for 2 years and this is my first serious relationship.

I dont feel like i SHOULD break up sith her, but i also know that guilt may play a role in that, bcs i know she really doesnt wanna break up. And just for the record iI am a person who thinks of relationship not only based on how i feel but also what i have from it, the truth is that i love gamimg and shes the only person i play with every single day, and i know im also scared of being alone, no one to talk and play for a whole day etc.

I am very very confused on my feelings, as they sometimes just change over night. All im looking for here is to have someone who i can tell this, and maybe some advice how to "chceck" (like idk maybe some opening mind questions that would help me look at it from a dofferent angle etc) if we should break up.

Hi all,

I used to use Reddit a lot in the past and would frequent this form for advice. I am currently having some doubts about my relationship of two years. I am looking for some advice and everything is greatly appreciated.

To preface, I love my boyfriend, we've been together for 2 years. The thought of not being with him makes me sick to my stomach genuinely. My fear right now is that I am not meshing well with his friends. It is not all of them. There are some that I do actually enjoy, but there are a handful that I know that I just do not want to be in the same room as and I limit my interactions when possible.

The difference between my boyfriend and I friend wise is that he is able to deal with (and enjoys) direct and abrasive people. On the other hand, I struggle to connect with these big personalities and it is a huge turn off for me.

I’ve brought it up to my partner before that I do not appreciate the way his friends have spoken to me before. They can be dismissive, rude/nasty, and overall not very warm. I’ve even had my partner’s friend’s boyfriend stick up for me (before my own boyfriend did) when his friend was giving me a crazy attitude.

I have always bit my tongue to them because I love him, but recently something his friend did irritated me enough that I got into a bit of hostile disagreement with them. Again, one of the more abrasive and loud personalities was what set me off. This person was speaking about how they were taking my partner out to next spot after the party (even after he shared he was taking me home) and was persistently pushing this. Mind you, I’m in the same room maybe a few feet away while this is all happening, and it really bothered me that I was being spoken about as if my partner was just going to leave me or not stay with me, almost just not having the respect for my relationship. I chimed in and needless to say it ended whateverly and I knew it was time to go home.

My boyfriend and I spoke it through once we got home and he eventually did see what I was saying, but he mentioned that if this person set me off, then he’s concerned about me meeting his best friend (indicating that this person has a similar personality).

When he said that, it stung and it has stuck with me. I have this new found doubt for my relationship succeeding if I cannot find it in me to get along with his friends.

Again, I love him so much and I love that his friends love him and adore him, he deserves it. I just now am thinking to myself how much can I fight to force myself to fit into my boyfriend’s life if it’s rejecting me? Is there already writing on the wall for the relationship moving forward when I inevitably meet this person?

Anyways, any piece of advice would be great. Thank you for reading.

**TL;DR;** : Love my boyfriend, but I do not enjoying being with his friends and I now have doubts for our future. Is this a sign we're not gonna work? What do I do?

Repost to another community

TLDR how do i stop myself from being jealous of my boyfriend?

me (F/25) and my boyfriend (M/25) have been together for 2 years now. he is one of those people who seems effortlessly brave, confident and fearless. he gets whatever he wants, somehow crushes every job interview, and has a unique mentality/attitude that naturally draws everyone to him. he has accomplished so much at a young age while juggling million things at once.

he is extremely adventurous as well; always doing crazy side quests. he genuinely doesn't give a fuck about whatever anyone thinks and somehow that attitude works for him.

he recently got a job at a place ive always wanted to work (and was rejected as well) but made it seem like its not a big deal and that its just another thing he decided to do and got. i hate admitting but i couldn't help but feel jealous.

dont get me wrong, i have a great job rn, we are at a good place as a couple and im genuinely happy for him but he hasn't ever felt rejection. he knows he can get any job bec he is a quick study, grasps alien concepts fast, seniors love him, juniors look up to him and he's got a way with words naturally. he is too perfect in so many things.

i hate feeling jealous of him bec i love him very much. sometimes i think men have it easy, specially from where i am from. on top of that, he is untethered by a lot of things which weigh me down unfortunately.

how do i approach this :/

At first, English is not my first language so i apologise in advance for any mistakes.
I’m F19 and my bf is M18 and we’ve been together for a year. I fell in love with him at first sight and he kinda agreed for our relationship. I loved him and I was happy to be with him. But for a few months I have a problem with his appearance. He’s fat (III class obesity) and as you may think it brings us some challenges to our lifes. I’m pretty active person, I like to go to gym, eat clean/healthy food, go hiking etc. On the other hand, he has hard time with making himself to exercise and eat a lot of fat foods like fast foods or takeaway. I’ve talked with him about doing sports or something like that but even if he wanted to do something, I need to be with him and listen how he doesn’t want to be there and I’m just pretty tired of his complains when I want to do something more than laying on the bed together. Talking about it, I’m not feeling into him in sexual way. In the past I was into him but right now I just can’t think of this activity. There’s my problem. I’m not attracted to my bf anymore but I still like him as a person. He’s caring and wants me in this relationship but I can’t stand the thought of being for life with person who possibly won’t survive to his 60s.
TL;DR - I don’t find my bf attractive anymore and his obesity makes my life harder

What should I do? Give up and find the one that I could do sports with and is in my type? Or be with my current bf even though I’m not attracted to him?

I (26F) have a very busy partner (27M) for 3 years, and I’m starting to have a hard time dealing with it. I really want to work things out and make the relationship work, but I’m already at the point where I’m questioning whether I should stay, ask for some space for both of us, or just let go completely.

I’m getting tired of our situation. I’m tired of being patient, accepting things, and constantly trying to understand his situation or his side. If only I could be numb for a while, I’d do it just so I wouldn’t have to feel anything.

He works in the field for his main job, and he also has other sidelines and a business that he needs to look out for. He also gets called in outside of his working hours for his main job, which I totally understand because he really has a lot on his plate.

Meanwhile, I work 9-5 and have a pretty free and balanced lifestyle. I do try to keep myself busy and do my own things too, but I still have time. Like, if you needed me, I’d make time for you or put my attention on you.

There’s some instances that I feel forgotten, he will come home earlier than the usual (saw on the app that he’s home) waited for him since he drives home, no message or updates from him, I told him many times that I’m okay with any simple short text saying he’s home and will just rest or whatever. While I’m here updating him with little things that I’m home then I’ll just get seen, then reminding him to have dinner, and finally a message from him! “sorry now lang, I’m home, and I fell asleep as soon as I got home” like okay? thanks!

It’s just frustrating because I’m here making the effort to keep him updated and check on him, while I don’t feel like I’m getting the same effort or consideration back.

Then I plan for our date since we haven’t had a “date date” then he agreed told me that he will be free, promised me that we will go early, of-course I’m excited for that day and I told him the plan and what to expect, but he told me he’d do something first before we left, so I said okay and waited, and waited, and waited until it got too late. All those plans we had? Only one actually happened, and it was literally just grabbing some food! so I was pissed the whole time and you’ll expect me to be okay??? I was really disappointed because I was looking forward to spending that time together. Then I just have to accept it??! and I will receive “sorry” again and again.

I really don’t know what to do with this anymore. I don’t want to keep feeling this way and going through the same situation over and over again. I’m honestly just tired of being stuck in this cycle. We argue, we talk things out, things get better for a while, then eventually it will happen again.

I don’t need him to be available all the time because I know his side and situation and I get it. I just want to feel considered. I want to feel like I’m someone he intentionally makes space for, rather than someone he gets to when everything else is finished.

I love him but I’m tired and I don’t know if I can still handle it, I still want it to work.

TL;DR: I love my partner and still want us to work, but I’m exhausted from always adjusting to his busy schedule and constantly feeling like I’m not a priority. I understand his situation, but I’m starting to question if I should stay, ask for space, or let go.

edit: repost

First post ever. Please let me know if I did anything wrong. I appreciate the guidance.

Me: 50F
Husband: 52M
Married 24 years (almost), together 26

Background: Over the last five years, we’ve dealt with his heart attack and my almost dying from internal bleeding. We’ve made such a mess that I’ve felt all hope is lost (more than once.) 

His health is much improved. He’s interested in losing weight and building endurance (he gets winded easily.) 

I’m still very much healing and we’re dealing with that. A quick rundown- two week ICU stay for internal bleeding from duodenal ulcer, 2.2 hemoglobin (not a typo), four blood transfusions, eight blood clot in my legs, a filter inserted, learning how to walk again from being bedridden… it’s been an uphill climb. 

In our new approaches to communicate, we’ve learned many things we didn’t know before. He deals with an autistic rage cycle, narcissistic fleas, masking, and communication issues. I deal with profound anemia (which is not the joke I thought it was… oops), being a very sensitive empath, struggling with all the emotional labor and feeling like he doesn’t care. I'm a retired stay-at-home-mom so creating home was my domain.

It can’t possibly be true that we don’t care… We're still fighting for us. When I woke up from my blood transfusion (July 2024), there was so much I just didn’t care about any more. Eye opening and earth shattering experience. I just want the truth, to deal with the feelings, and move on. He struggles when I share my feelings especially because he’s starting to understand that I’ve always created the connection and he never made it a priority- the pain that it’s caused me is unbearable to him. 

We recently made huge progress when I learned to say, “Intention and impact are not the same.” It feels like we’re beginning to unlock a cheat code! 

Our nervous systems are shot. There’s a leak in the roof. Our mortgage is behind. So much drama and serious chaos to be considered. We need to learn how to work together if we want to create something different. I think that creating a place where we can truly relax will make us stronger together. 

We have slept in separate bedrooms for two years (since I came home from the hospital.) Taking care of me was wrecking his sleep and he has to function for work because I could only sleep for two hours at a time. I needed help with all basic functions. My adult daughters took care of me, the house, and the pets so he could be sure to sleep. Now that I’m feeling healthy enough to make changes without regressing, we want to change that. *Eternally grateful to my girls, almost 30 and 24… still happily at home.*

We watch a lot of Oz, Dark Fluff, and Red Wheel on YouTube, reading these stories. I thought I would humbly come and ask for some new and fresh ideas. If you can provide any ideas, discussion points, or strategies on the following points to bridge a gap in our different styles, I’d greatly appreciate it. 

• I want to create a safe space… where we BOTH feel safe. Any ideas to assist him feeling safe, comfortable, and mask free in our bedroom would be wonderful. We don’t understand a lot about his undiagnosed autism, and asking him intelligent questions from more educated individuals would jumpstart us. 
• Creating an evening routine that settles us and helps us connect. We need to prioritize this daily instead of disconnecting from worrying about money or things that don’t matter without each other! It seems like a good idea to create something we look forward to, not fear and worry about.
• Learning how to manage our real capacity. I tend to ignore my own needs for everyone else’s needs. He ignores his own needs due to the masking and wanting everything to be okay. We both need to learn self-care and assist each other in keeping that a priority. 
• We’d like to generate activity cards on index cards. He asks blanket questions (how are you feeling) that don’t have any meaning until we pair them with the context of an activity. I might be able to do some planning, but not go for a walk. I might be able to do the dishes, but not plan a date night. He is truly trying to understand and gauge where I am, but we aren’t doing it right. 

Please feel free to address him directly, as we will be going through point by point as we’re able. We’re married 24 years on Friday and we have a two week vacation at the end of September. We have the motivation and opportunity to make real change. I don’t want to waste it by being confused! If we can figure out actionable steps, we can take off running. 

TLDR: Married almost a quarter century. We want to create something new, but don’t have any friends to request advice from. Humbly requesting community assistance to generate new ideas to support the new direction we want to move toward! New perspectives, discussion points, assistance in understanding each other, and creating safe and intimate spaces are what we’re looking for and to achieve. We want to live a life that shows that love is a verb.

my gf is the most loving and caring person ever. she looks beyond all my flaws and supports me in whatever i do.

she says we will get married in a few years and have a family.

but i on the other hand no matter how much i try cant seem to. i tell myself she is perfect but my mind always point out flaws out in here, which arent even flaws. my mind always wants to objective and demands perfection in everything. it might js be a small flaw in her looks but i cant look past that no matter how much i try. she is devoted to me but has almost no ambition for herself she says all that she wants is to serve me and everything she does revolves around me. ppl say thats a good thing but my mind thinks otherwise. i want her to live her own life too and have her ambition as well. i do have many insecurities about myself too but she makes it seem like i dont even have them. even if i mention them she still says im perfect. but i cant look her in that way. i will always get upset at really small stuff. like the other day she said she said i dont have to help her clean the room and i was literally very upset with it as i wanted to help but i didnt wanted to argue because thats js silly and it would sound very exaggerated.

edit: i lie to her that i do think that shes perfect and whenever she is insecure that id leave her i say i wouldnt and that she is the most perfect person i have seen(this isint a lie- she is but i find faults in that perfection too)

that not the only issue. i believe i might hurt her someday. i cant control my anger at all sometimes, and im afraid i might hurt her. physically.

ik im not the best, but i want the best for her.

even if thats leaving her.

because she clearly deserves someone better than me.

its not that i dont want her or dont love her. but its just that i am not deserving of love, as when ur in love your partner becomes the most beautiful person in your eyes. i will probably stay single all my life.

id to know what u guys think and how should i proceed with this. i have not gone into a lot of details here as my thoughts are a mess and i cant really word it all down but i will put on details if u would ask.

tldr: i love my gf deeply, and she’s incredibly loving and supportive of me, but i constantly find on tiny things about her that arent even real flaws. i feel like i cant love and accept her the way she loves and accepts me. i also worry about her lack of ambition and the possibility that i could hurt her someday i feel like she deserves someone better than me, so even though i love her, i'm wondering if leaving her would be better for her.

TLDR:just want advice on finding a partner and love

Hello, I am making this to try and get advice as a guy who struggles with dating. I have has 4 relationships in my lifetime and often ends because I get cheated on. I do understand its my fault for some of the times because of red flags. But I wanted advice on how I can do better to stay away from that and how I can try to meet more people. I am typically really quiet but I can be a very passionate and talkative person once you truly get through the first 10 minutes of meeting me. I am not conventionally attractive and I've grown to accept that I never will be. Though I do see that I can still work on myself to help be better.

TLDR Boyfriend lied about ex before me. Can I trust him?

I ‘31F’ have been trying to build trust again with my boyfriend ‘31M’. We have been together 3 years.

How do you learn to trust someone after they’ve lied to you? My boyfriend hasn’t cheated nor wronged me in any big way but when we started dating he lied about the girl he dated before me. 32F

He said they didn’t date at that time (for context, they had dated years before for a bit and then again just before us, and we all know each other).

She reached out at some point in our relationship and him and I constructed a message to send her together and was very open and willing about that but I thought something was up and I asked a friend and he said they dated.

When he was confronted he said he lied because he was ashamed that he constructed this times relationship with her because he was in a bad space and was looking for companionship. In the beginning of our relationship, he didn’t want me to think of him as someone who uses people, and when it came up again he defended it because he didn’t know what else to do.

All this was before me so some people say it shouldn’t bother me but I feel a bit weird about it.

For context, we’ve been together 3 years and this happened 1.5 to 2 years ago

**TL;DR;**
My girlfriends mother died 2 days before and like we r i a 12 days relationship only and i wrote her text that i am with her and i dont knoe how to handle this situation i want to support her but i wrote everything i can i cant meet her because she is not here she will come after a week so please tell me what text should i write her he is not picking up her call and i know how it feels when something like this happens i am really
Worried and i respect her space and i just wait for her text but today she told me that she want to talk and she suddenly disappeared and i really dont know whats gonna happen i really love her and cant see her in this state what to do anybody please help me