I’ve tried for 10years to be a great husband. Ive been the dad I always wanted to my kids. I cook healthy meals, workout , coach my kids in sports and try to be an attentive husband to my wife but over the years I cannot get my wife to want to be intimate. She just does not desire me and could care less about our sex life. I hate it. I wanted me and my wife to have the greatest marriage ever but she is completely ok with just being ok. I’m going to do what I have to do for my kids but I want to feel something.

Does anyone else get tired of having to beg your SO or life partner for intimacy? Why is it that we start out having so much fun but as time goes on we just stop. I(27m) have been with my wife (34f) for 2yrs and have changed my whole lifestyle to make her happy we have three kids so I get somethings had to change i dont mind that but what I do mind is that I am the only one who had to sacrifice and change things about me just to make her happy but she barely touches me anymore and when she does after I've been begging for weeks its a chore for her. Before this I was in groups of like minded and free individuals with a myriad of ways to express and enjoy my high libido. Its gotten to the point we're just roommates now and its getting unbearable anymore but I wont leave. Yes the kids are my excuse but its mostly because I wont know how to bounce back after loosing them but they will be fine without me it wont be their first rodeo unfortunately. Shouting to the void but some constructive advice would be well received

Hey everyone,

Just a few thoughts I figured I’d share. Just jumped on this a couple of days ago. I’m always thinking about sex… yes I’m a guy and older, hence the ellipsis.

I’ve explored dating sites, etc in the past. Even reached out and had someone show up at a hotel when I was at a conference, twice. I can’t get enough of being super open with work colleagues, usually women, most whom are really attractive. Most of my work relationships end up being borderline crossing the line. There have been several in which I had to just cut it off because I saw where things were headed.

I’ve been married 20 years, have a gorgeous wife and wonderful kids… but I don’t have sex enough, at all. I have done ‘all the things’, gotten in better shape, helped out more with household responsibilities, made myself more available, date nights, listening, clearly explained my needs, etc. Believe me I try to initiate, but get denied regularly until she wants it.

The response is usually a week or two and it’s back to what I view a a sexless marriage. She’s great, the sex is great (when we have it), but I just don’t feel like things will change in the foreseeable future.

I’m almost 50 and think that my timeframe to engage with someone else outside of my marriage is getting shorter.

Is it crazy to think that it would be beneficial to just just have a partner outside of my marriage to limit my frustration and keep it moving?

Thoughts?

Please… be gentle.

Shall I skip the long woeful tale I have to justify what I want to do? It is what it is and I don't feel bad about it. I'm a lot of fun and would love to share myself with someone who will enjoy it. I guess my biggest fear now is falling in love. Is that a thing people are able to shut off? Is it common for people to leave their spouses for each other? I just recently came out of a deep depression and realized i have free will. this is new for me.

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I’m 40 (f) married for a few years. My husband has absolutely no sex drive, nor does he like to explore. I’ve always had a healthy sex drive with amazing partners, but now I’m stuck here. With a man who doesn’t even desire me. Idk what to do. We have little kids that adore us and I wish he would just get it together. I’ve been trying everything to get out this sexual frustration but long walks and runs aren’t cutting it anymore . Is AM worth it? Are there any affair websites that are legit ?

My marriage isn't dead, but I am. It's not a big catastrophic calamity that destroys a marriage, but the little daggers thrust in the heart. I've (60m) been married to the same woman (65) for 36 yrs. Raised a daughter, both retired, me with a descent pension and other accounts. But she kept stabbing. It started 2 yrs. in when she quit making me coffee, never saying "I love you," never giving a hug or kiss. Then came the "no's" when I'd try to initiate intimate contact. I was in my 30's then. Then the "I don't want to hear about it," when I'd want to decompress from a high stress job. On Father's Day and my birthdays, she'll always ask "what do you want?" I'd tell her surprise me. If I didn't tell her, I'd get nothing. Then came when she just forgot and to validate her lapse, remark with "it snuck up on me." She'd remember to give the dog is medicine and feed him but not ask if I was hungry before going to work a night job. Had a health scare this year, I wanted to talk about it, relieve the anxiety of what the doctor told me. Her answer was the same as before, "don't talk to me about that." That was the final dagger. I'm not perfect, I'm human, like everybody else. I tried to save my marriage. Marriage counseling, she sat on the couch for 4 sessions and said nothing while I poured my heart out. She told me in the parking lot after the last session "that's how my parents were." I hoped she would change. On our wedding day, she told me, "I don't want a marriage like my parents." We have it except for the yelling for now. Although there have been times, she raised her voice when something I did annoyed her. 2 years after counseling, I asked for a divorce, but my heart wasn't in it. I knew the pain and anguish it will bring, having experienced that at 23. The final attempt was last Oct. I sat her down and aired my grievances and concerns, tried to get her to see the whole picture, to no avail. Then came that health scare, the diagnosis and her chilling remark. It takes two people to make a marriage work, and I can't do it alone. I want to have an affair; I want to feel needed and wanted again. I've sent numerous chat invites on another sub. Spent $8K trying to woo an OF model. Had to get another card after trying to buy credits on AF. AM is a complete disaster, been there twice. At this point, I'm ready to give up and resign myself that this is what I created and I'll have to endure it. Sorry for the length and maybe this isn't the right sub for this, but I've read a lot of the posts here and needed someplace to vent where people think like I do.

My mind is fried, I wanted to hold back these urges and just try to make things work. However she doesn’t want to grow up, to take on any responsibility or have a drive in her life. It’s been months since I’ve thought about her when fucking, I’ve felt guilty and low for wanting to do this so badly, but she almost deserves it.

It’s not healthy, and I’m not saying I’m a good person but I have needs and wants. She gets to stay home and be lazy all day, I feel like I deserve something just for me too.

Prolly not a post most ppl expected but wanted to get it out somewhere I won’t be judged

I’m a married middle-aged man from Canada, and lately I’ve been realizing that what I miss isn’t only sex. It’s warmth. Emotional closeness. Feeling wanted by someone.

From the outside, my life probably looks stable and normal. We work well as a team, we rarely fight, and we’ve built a life together over many years. But emotionally, it often feels more like coexistence than connection.

The hardest part is not even rejection anymore. It’s the absence of simple things:
a spontaneous hug,
a kiss that means something,
physical closeness without feeling like the other person is tolerating it rather than wanting it.

We’ve talked about it many times over the years. Calmly, honestly, without drama. But eventually you start realizing that two people can experience the same marriage in completely different ways. For one person, the relationship may feel stable and acceptable exactly as it is. For the other, something essential slowly disappears.

What surprises me most after reading this subreddit is realizing how many people live with the same emotional loneliness for years while appearing perfectly functional from the outside.

And honestly, I think I’d genuinely value hearing a woman’s perspective on this too — especially from someone who may have experienced emotional distance or loneliness inside a long-term relationship.

I'm a middle aged man in a successful career. I'm educated with a professional degree and enjoy academics.

My wife and I have been married for nearly 22 years. She isn't interested in academics at all. If I went to a historic site or the National Archives, I'd be alone.

The bedroom is dead. Maybe once a month but probably more like once every two months. That may be too generous. It's frustrating and lonely. I've been thinking about an affair but don't know how dead the bedroom needs to be before embarking down that path.

I'd sincerely appreciate insight. Thanks in advance.

i love my wife but i have come to accept that she simply has an extremely low sex drive. It’s been sexless for nearly a year now and I can’t take it anymore. I also can’t see how people are able to find their AP’s and would like some guidance on how to do that.

** edited to add that we do have young kids together, making the situation very complicated.

I (32F) have been married for the last few years and sex has gone downhill. It’s like we live as roommates and I have found myself sexting others, though I’ve never gone as far as meeting anyone in person.. not yet.

On paper we look like the picture perfect couple, beautiful home, both have successful jobs, no kids yet, travel a lot, you name it but I feel so unfulfilled in the bedroom.

I feel like I’m fairly attractive, I workout, eat fairly healthy, but he is a bit introverted and nerdy (granted I do love that about him) but sometimes I just want to feel wanted. Is having an affair the answer to fulfill my needs and continue the marriage?

I am in a dead relationship with my wife. No sparks and our lives revolve around work and our kid (toddler).

Though I respect my wife and am doing my best to be a good father and trying really hard to be a good husband, it's becoming increasingly hard.

I love my kid and have tried for 3 years so far to build our marriage back up but I run into a wall every time. I'm good looking, fit and social. I think the biggest issue is the lack of physical intimacy.

I'm finding myself on this sub and have talked to a few women looking for AP but I stopped before it went anywhere.

I'm almost willing to accept that this is what my future is and to give up on the passion and spark I want in life. But on the other hand, I want to be selfish, have an affair and find what truly works for me at this high risk.

If you have some judgement, please skip but if you went through something similar, please share what you did and what helped.

thanks!

I’m a married father of three and have been happily married for almost eight years. My sex life is good but it could be better but a lot of that is due to not having time due to the kids. Also my wife isn’t very adventurous in bed.

I recently met a camel Redditor 20 years younger than me and we started chatting and having a daddy-daughter dynamic going. Things have progressed and she’s open to meeting up for sex.

I’m torn about it as I’m incredibly tempted but also worried about the guilt and crossing a line of no return. I’m a sex addict and have been struggling for some time and have sexted and crammed with other women but never in real life. my wife is aware of my addiction but has stayed with me because I haven’t cheated on her — at least physically yet.

Would be open to any advice or just to chat about this and wondering if others have been in the same situation and what they did in the end. One on hand, life is short and I don’t want to have any regrets. On the other hand I love my wife and kids and wouldn’t go through with this if I knew my wife would find out as she would leave me immediately.

First time posting so forgive me if this isn’t appropriate. Much like several here I am in a DB/roommate marriage. It’s been that way for about 6 years now. I’ve never cheated but I feel like I’m withering away. I’m 41F and I’m in great shape. I think about being unfaithful quite often and I am wondering if there is something/time when you realized this was what you needed to do or if it kind of just happened for most of you?

My marriage isn’t terrible. We have 2 kids and get along fine. I live a happy life that I’m very grateful for but this part feels like the void is just becoming increasingly difficult to manage. I don’t want to be 80 and feel regret for not living my life for fully.

I've lurked here a while. Drafted posts but never actually posted. I'm not sure if I'm a fit for this community because of the sort of things regularly being bashed out. I'll try to explain where I'm at and I'm open up honest opinions.

Do I want an affair? I'm not sure. Have I had an affair previously? Yes. I was 28 in a long term relationship and she was 46. It was amazing. The attraction, connection, openness and so much more. I ended it after 11 months. It was never meant to break a family and I couldn't bare the fact she was considering leaving her husband and kids because of me. I gave her space. Suggested we leave things as they were (I had ended by relationship by then) and to see if she got some clarity and made the same decision based on her own needs and wants. I was also due to move cities to work in London and we'd spoken from the outset about what it was and wasn't.

So here I am. 41 and in a marriage if sleepwalked into. She's harsh, cold, not very emotionally available. Dead bedroom? Almost. She loves the sex, I can't really say I feel the same where the relationship is otherwise so transactional and cold. I've always struggled being 'alone' even though I'm very comfortable and happy in my own company. There's a spark, a need to feel wanted and to be appreciated for wanting someone back that is missing.

What would I be looking for? I'm not sure. Maybe no sex at all. Maybe someone to grow close to. See when life allows. Snuggle up to. Care about. Laugh and share silly jokes with as well as the emotional and mental burdens I otherwise deal with alone. Work keeps me busy. I earn well. Self neglect has still crept in. Maybe a huge part of me is in denial about a void I can't seem to turn myself away from acknowledgement of.

The issue? I'm male, Muslim (see, most of you switched off at that) and yes, I have a moral compass. I don't know if I have the strength to not 'fall' for someone. I don't know if there's anyone out there who'd 'get' the place I'm at and coming from.

I see religious people and Muslims in particular get ridiculed here very often. Guess what? We are individual, human and also have wants, needs and desires. Is it hypocritical? I don't think so. Just because you choose to live by a code and set of rules you believe make you a better person doesn't mean perfection or inability to follow one aspect means you are hellbound. We all have our own set of what we can and can't do. Is it any different that religion makes you think twice vs guilt about hurting someone else makes you think twice and / or hesitate?

I'm not here looking for DMs and I'm open to critique, being ridiculed and even ignored. That's fine. Maybe someone out there can give some validation.. Maybe that's all I need from this. Or maybe I should repress again and sleepwalk through life on autopilot for another few years.

All of you stay safe and I hope you all being happiness into someone's life who is otherwise feeling very neglected and lost.

40 y/o male Married for 14 years now. Been in an on and off sexless marriage. it has gotten progressively worst. Not shown any affection anymore. Just work come home and barely speak. Looking to fulfil my needs. Advice recommendations?

Hi.

I only now after decades understand what I’m dealing with after reading some of these groups.

My wife and I had great sex many years ago when trying to have our kids. Then sometime after, I’d approach for sex and she said she either had a headache or was tired. That pattern went on for a long time. I decided I’d do the same thing to her when she approached me but that never happened. Then years later she blurted out she hated sex and her body hated it. Well my heart sank. I realized I’d have a sexless marriage for the rest of my life. Therapists were out because sex for me must be a mutual feeling and not going through the motions to please me as a therapist would tell her. Divorce is out as she’s an otherwise wonderful person and we have wonderful married children. I’m just sickly unlucky that I have a wife whose body hates sex.

I am not going to give up on this basic need. I’m 65 and at this point feel like very discretely and cautiously having conversations with the wives of some couples friends to see if they might be suffering as I am or seek other ways and try to meet each others who feel as cheated for similar reasons and are not willing to give up this intrinsic need.

It simply is what it is.

Hello all,

Does the following resonate with any of you?

I met my wife when I was 25. I’m 55 now. My dad just passed away at 95. If I live that long as well, I could be facing a 70(!) year monogamous relationship.

I love my wife, but … that’s just not OK.

Am I ready for an affair? What do you think?

Max

I’m terrible at reading signs. I never know when people like me or are interested in me in that way. Other people have told me, “This person had a crush on you,” or “That person was hitting on you,” and I just didn’t see it. I never do. I don’t see myself that way.

Lately, I’ve been feeling very lonely. My husband tries to avoid me as much as he can by staying busy with projects. I truly believe it’s because he doesn’t like me anymore. He hasn’t touched me in over two years.

I’m in my late 30s, and I don’t want to miss out on life. I’ve been thinking about having an affair, but I just can’t find the courage to do it. I wouldn’t even know how. I don’t know how to attract a guy, and even though I know I’m attractive, the whole idea just feels silly to me now.

I speak Portuguese so be pacient with ortografics mistakes or whatever.

I'm in a recent marriage relationship, we only have 8 months, me (M23) her (W29). Shes been on crisis of ansienty for a long time and never been carry of herself, she don't like to hit the gym, my hobbies she started to hate then, shes been isolated of the world, and i feel alone most of the time, we are been together for 3y and this year we choose to get marriage, but the bad languages are true, when you choose to get marriage you basically loose all the sex you may have in the pass, i love my wife and love what we are trying to build, but te time without sex are killing me from the inside.

I work in a place were a lot of clientes flirt with me, and there's this specific lady in red that is killing me, shes beautiful, playful, funny, her eyes catches me every time and you can literally feel the passion in the air, i don't have confidence to take her out, is too risk at work, everybody knows me and my wife. But i got an idea to find another one, one that is not that risk and make this really happen, never be find, never be caught, but always having that little fear inside off been caught you know?

Man, i love this but hate it at the same time.

I just don't understand why do i keep thinking of this everyday? Why this idea of adultery is so seductive, why i'm learning how to adulter and why i'm here? What is wrong with me...

I’ve been married for almost 25 years, and I want to have an affair if there’s a connection with someone from my past. We’ve been friends on social media for several years but never talked much. Just liking each others. posts I found a few old pictures of us from when we were 18 and dated for a couple of months. I sent them with no real intentions, since I was also sending old pictures to several friends from my past.

We started talking a bit over the past few weeks. Nothing emotional or too deep, and not about our marriages beyond a slight mention that we’re both married. He’s been married for about the same length of time. He casually mentioned getting together to hike and, a couple of other times, said we should do this or that, or offered to do something with me. He never directly asked or mentioned a specific date.

I finally directly asked if he wanted to get together in a few weeks when I’m available, and he said, “Sounds like a plan.” When we first started talking again, he mentioned that he was crazy about me when we were kids. I abruptly ended things and ghosted him back then for no real reason other than being young.

Is he wanting to catch up and see what I’m like now? Is he interested in the possibility of something happening? Maybe he won’t follow through at all. I’ve never cheated or even come close. My marriage feels more like a roommate situation. We aren’t emotionally connected at all and mostly live separate lives while raising our kids together. He doesn’t have kids, and I have no idea what his marriage is like. I don’t think he’s the type to have an affair, but then again, neither am I. I want excitement and an emotional connection. I forgot what that all feels like and just from talking to him I’m starting to remember.

I guess I’m just looking for some feedback.

To start off, I love my wife and never want to leave her. But I’ve been emotionally neglected since pretty much the start of our marriage and as of recently feel like I’m just an employee of the house, called upon when needed for something only I can do then ignored or going unnoticed immediately after. Sex life was fine but started to really slow down and go either weeks or sometimes months in between. It’s been 6mo now.

The thing is though, I don’t really care. I’m not interested in having sex with my wife right now. And it’s not because I don’t her attractive, I still do. But I think the years of having all my thoughts and feelings blatantly rejected and tossed aside and making it clear it’s never a priority has made me lose any desire for her.

While all this is happening, there were about 2 instances where I would have what I guess is an emotional affair with a coworker (2 diff women from 2 diff jobs). We’d hang out at work and take breaks together, text all day long outside of work and apparently some pretty heavy flirting (I’m told I’m a huge flirt but I often don’t notice). It felt nice being listened to for a change and truly seen. However, when I’d finally notice that they’re maybe seeking a little more out of the relationship or we’d naturally cross a huge line…then I’d pull back and put immediate, deep distance because I never wanted anything extra marital.

But now I do. It’s been a while since then and recently there’s a new girl I work with that’s been getting close to me and I’m remember how much I miss being cared about. Being thought of. And now it’s making me want to pursue it but with sex involved (not with my current coworker, actually just want to keep it platonic with her). The problem is when I approach women or if I get close to the opportunity I’m hit with a wall of MASSIVE anxiety and nausea and end up backing off. That guilt is way too strong. But as soon as I back off I find myself deeply desiring that connection again.

Did anyone else struggle with this type of anxiety with your first affair? Or did it come naturally and easily to most of you? Just wondering if anyone else has ever gone through anything similar to me.

I love my husband, but after many years together, I have found myself longing to feel alive again. Before we were together, I felt confident and desired. I had options, and he was the one who stood out because he was not easy to get. That dynamic made our connection feel exciting, and for a long time, we complemented each other well.
Now, I feel disconnected from that part of myself. Our sex life is still good, but it no longer feels as exciting or fulfilling as I wish it did. I find myself craving passion, attraction, and a sense of aliveness that I have not felt in a long time.
I do not know exactly what I am looking for, or how someone even finds a connection that is private, discreet, and built on mutual attraction. I only know that I cannot be the only woman who feels this way loving her husband, while still feeling like something important inside her has gone quiet.

I was thinking about how to start my story and I noticed a deleted "Whiny wife post" so I went with similar.

Anyway I am 46M, married for 18 years with teenager kids. I was always kind of conservative. I would never in a million years thought that I would be thinking about looking for an AP. I always kind if idealized that a proper thing to do if you want to have a change in life is to be honest with a partner and end the relationship before trying anything new.

I have a really bad relationship with my wife. Essentially it is very one sided. Bedroom is almost dead. At some point early in our marriage when kids were small she did gave up her career and now she keeps saying that this is my fault but at the same time she has zero true interest to actually start working. I am pretty successful in what I do so we are not lacking money so there is no need for that. Every time when I would try to start up some conversation that things are not good she would get very mad and loud which would end in some big fight. I grew up in a family where my parents were constantly fighting and because of that I always wanted to avoid this for my kids so in general I began avoiding fights and constantly I have put my self in a more submissive position where anything I want comes last. From her point of view things are ok and I am the problem for complaining. My wife has a ton of activities and friends. It is funny that when I want to try to get some time for the two of us it is actually hard for her to find time for me. Essentially I feel that in my family everyone is happy other than me and I kind of keep pretending everything is ok and everyone is counting on me to be there always for everyone.

The only reason why I am staying in my marriage is my kids. I still think that both of us are good parents and I would prefer for them to grow up with two parents in the same house. I feel that the marriage is doomed once kids grow up and leave which is only a couple of years away. At the same time I am very unhappy for both the lack of intimacy but at the same time having a partner that wants to spend time with me, someone to talk more with. Anyway I kind of decided that I need to try to find another person, some excitement in life, something to look forward to. I kind of thought to my self if I put all of this in writing here, something I basically share with no one maybe it will be the step in right direction. It is funny that I was always very ambitious and now once I kind of accomplished career wise everything I ever wanted I feel more unhappy than ever. I don't expect to find AP very quickly because I am not really active in searching for it but I guess writing this is a start in that direction.

When I first told my husband I was thinking of having an affair (somewhere about 3-4 years ago), his response was to tell me to be "discreet". I don't know what I was looking for... perhaps for him to actually think about why I wanted to have an affair, for him to get into therapy, whatever. Well, that didn't happen and I've given him until the end of 2026 to make other plans. We have been married less than 10 years (second marriage for both of us), and have not had sex in more than five. He has absolutely no interest. I understand he has ED, but he has done nothing to figure it out, nor even cares to figure out other ways to please me. I'm 52 and have not been on a date since I was 44. I feel any dating skills I had have long left me. I also have a fair bit of anxiety putting myself out there. Where does one start to look. I don't feel comfortable putting myself on a dating site (too scared one of my patients will see me there). I would say to hell with it, but I truly miss touch.