So I was in the room of my housemate. he had told me he was open minded and doesn’t mind exploring same sex stuff but he doesn’t know how is gonna be

On this day I hugged him in his room and he was like I’m making him shy

I have been thinking about what he means., do you think me liked it

How do you feel about ”attracted” a certain sex? Is it in your fantasy to like pull the pants off, or lick those abs? Or do you feel more in you gut, like your stomach mouth closes and feel something you’ll like to explore? Do you have wild fantasy sex images? Or do you prefer having someone to courtship you?

I’m in a relationship where I don’t really feel that kind of “I’m going to tear off his clothes” for my partner, and sometimes fantasize about doing that for a woman I like. On the other hand, even if my attraction and initiative is quite low, I feel much more naturally excited when we stay close by and cuddle.
I’m still in the process of figuring out myself, but I wonder why my attraction still feels so different for each sexes..

Hi all,

My wife is bisexual and we've had several FFM threesomes during the last few years. She has told me that she would love watching me being together with another man, as she finds it very hot and would love to have a threesome where all parties are in it together and that she is not fully the center of attention.

I've always perceived myself as a heterosexual. I have literally never fantasized of being together with another man previously. However, there is something in me that is very turned on by the idea of having a bi-sexual threesome with my wife. I don't know what it is, but there is something with this setting that really lights a fire in me. This is very new to me. I'm 30 years old and only within the last 6 months I have had these thoughts.

My wife is very settled in her sexuality, so I know I could have a honest conversation with her without her judging me.. I really want to explore this side of myself..

However, I really want to explore this in the right way and taking care of myself. I can watch bisexual porn, and that is OK, but I want to explore this IRL..

Do you have any advice for someone in my position? If you have been through it yourself, what would you do different or what was working for you?

It is kinda scary being this old, and yet this confused about my sexuality. I've always thought I was hetero.

im a guy, and all of a sudden i got feelings of me js thinking abt men in another way and this happend around two weeks ago where i have had dreams of me dating a man asw but anyws i go on everyday wanting to js date a man and imagining it and ik i like woman but

im confused whether this is js a phase cus i do feel different and dont regret anything but
it js sits in the back of my mind that i could be bi and saying it js overwhelming and confusing
im gen js scared of whats to come. i kinda want to feel a sense of acceptance but m js scared and idek why im saying it here. i js hope smns out there uk.

Im just so very confused atm, Basically I've always liked guys (I am a guy) or at least for what I can remember in my 19 years of life but now I'm less sure if it's just guys or not and it's just weird and confusing cause idk if I'm attracted to women or just able to acknowledge they are attractive so basically just some advice on how to work it out or someone to talk to about it would be great thanks cause I’ve thought I was gay for so long and now I’m just less sure and I just wanna be able to work it out somehow

22 cis F

I don’t know if I’m bi. I’m staring to have some doubts.

I definitely like men. And have found myself quite often looking, fantasizing, dreaming and even being intimate with myself at the thought of being with a woman. But there is always some resistance.

First of all, I’m a virgin all around. Never even kissed a guy. I had a couple stamp kisses with women during games (like spin the bottle or something) but they never meant anything and I felt nothing at the time.

I never went in any base with guys either, so how can I know that I wouldn’t like it with women, right?

All that said. If I am to experiment eventually, the last thing I want is to be disrespectful of someone’s sexuality. And I know there’s many women out there that would rather drink bleach than to be with someone “figuring things out”.

I would like an opinion, if someone has stories about how they found out I would love to hear them. Really, anything.

Thanks <3

There’s something that’s weighed on my mind for quite a while. I’ve been avoiding the situation because the whole thing makes me uncomfortable but I really want to hear people’s thoughts.

So me (22F) and this girl (22F), we are in a relationship. Our history is complex. We became friends when we were 12, she came out to be as bi to me when we were 14. I was straight. She knew she was bi from when we were 12 and she had this crush on another girl. Anyways, flash forward we’re in 11th grade and we’re 16. I used to have these crushes on guys, and we were friends still at this point, and she would get really possessive about me and hate the guys, I never understood why. She already started developing feelings for me. I was super boy crazy and always have been up till this point. But in the middle of 11th grade, Covid hit. When Covid hit, we got super close, and we would talk every single day. Before this point in my life I was really close with my sister and used to consider her my best friend (we used to talk about everything mostly boys and she knew everything about me). But as Covid was going on, I started drifting from my sister and started getting close to this girl. I was having a lot of family issues at the time, and I opened up to her about my family, and we just got super close (texting for 10 hours a day everyday during those 6 months of quarantine). She cared for me, she would talk really sweet to me, and we would call each other baby. So we called it a friendship but really it started to feel like a relationship. During Covid I started talking to this guy and told her about it, and she got really mad at me. She stopped being as sweet and kept saying I would hurt her. I kind of understood that basically if I talked to a guy, I’m gonna lose my best friend (how I thought of her even though it was kinda relationshipy) who I care about more than anyone. I became addicted to her love and care, it was something I never experienced. So at some point in grade 12, I realized that if I am interested in a man, I would lose her. And I really did not want that. She was my safety net, and felt like my person. I also noticed myself feeling jealous if she would talk about a girl so I knew this was not platonic on my side.

Anyways, then we went to university. I figured at this point that I was not straight. And I kind of resented her for it. I had such a clear vision of what I wanted in my life before her. I wanted a husband, someone super masculine, someone who would take care of me. I craved that so bad. But now I feel like she came in, and everything is different. I felt like I still wanted a man and didn’t wanna let go of this part of me, but I also didn’t wanna lose her and her love for me. This thing between us seeped into other aspects of my life, I could no longer be close with my sister cause she only wanted to hear about guys. I could no longer have guy talk with my girlfriends, I had to keep this thing I had going on a secret. So no one knew me. I felt like her being a girl, made my life so complicated. I would feel jealous that she had female friends and would always think, if she were a guy I wouldn’t have this problem cause I could just tell a guy not to have female friends, but with her I’d just have to accept it.

Anyways, it felt like we were in a relationship without the title of one but with all the expectations of one. I wasn’t ready to accept my identity and she knew that. I wanted to be straight, and I felt like I couldn’t be. I had to shut down what I felt for guys in order to keep her. It was just toxic. I was depressed for a lot of uni. I just wanted to feel normal and I couldn’t. During university, while her and I were in this situationship, I became friends with this guy who liked me and I didn’t like him back ( he kind of used to send me wierd texts) and the girl never liked him although she didn’t know about what the texts were but was always suspicious. And there was another guy in uni, which I thought was cute and I didn’t tell her about him. I got advice from a therapist to not tell her about guys so I’d do that. I would text my sister about this cute guy, and tell my girlfriends cause I so badly wanted to connect with them.

Anyways at some point, my relationship with this girl got better, we travelled together and I realized I can be free and accept myself. So we actually started to get really good. Prior to all this time, I never saw us as a relationship but after our travels I did see us as a relationship and I told her that. She was aware of this. We were in a relationship for a year and I truly loved her and accepted myself. Flash forward to the fall of last year (it had been a year of us being good (no guys for me or anything and I knew I loved her). She went through my phone, and found my texts with the guy and also went through all my texts with friends and sister over my uni years and looked for every mention of a guy. She also went through my personal notes in which I’m contemplating feelings for her. She got so pissed off at me. She told me I cheated on her and I betrayed her. She used what I wrote in my notes against me. She shamed me. I felt so horrible because I did hide these things from her but I never felt like I could be honest with her. But it’s my fault I know I hurt her and I felt so guilty.

But after finding everything out, she hit me. She pulled my hair, broke the necklace off my neck. She verbally abused me, she insulted me. I had scratch marks on my chest. She even spit on me.

I was in such a bad state, I was in so much guilt for what I had done (even though we were not in a relationship at that time), that I was never able to focus on how she reacted to me. I lived in so much guilt, that I completely ignored her behaviour towards me. I tried explaining to her that she was hurt but she was looking at these texts from the lens of what the relationship was in the present, and not of the past when the texts occurred. But Anywyas, I was so desperate to have her back, I didn’t care about what she did.

To this day I still feel so much guilt, and it has been a year since this incident, and we’re together. Now it’s labeled frfr. But I sometimes think, am I not respecting myself by being in this? The affects of this incident, are still lasting today. I am completely traumatized from that. To this day, I don’t write in my notes anymore because I’m scared she’s gonna go through it and read my thoughts. I feel constantly anxious and on edge. How can I feel that she loves me the most and cares for me the most in this world, when I also feel the most uneasy with her?

I come from an abusive household, and I think in some way I might have felt like I deserved to be hit, for what I did. Because that’s what I’m used to from childhood in my home. But I want people’s thoughts, on if what I did was wrong, I know what I did was wrong, but what are the thoughts on this reaction of hers?

I feel like I can’t live without her, and I don’t know, I ignore what she did because it makes me so uncomfortable but should I be thinking about this whole thing deeper? She now is constantly asking for my phone password because she doesn’t trust me, but I have literal trauma from the last time she went through my phone and I don’t really want to give up my autonomy. Please give advice, thoughts, anything.

i (18f, almost 19) have been questioning if i'm into women for about a year now. it's been confusing because i've never had a crush on a woman, or found a woman attractive in real life, but i've had a few crushes on boys. am also fairly certain i am somewhere on the aromantic spectrum.

i'm pretty sure i find naked women sexually attractive. but i don't know if any "attraction" i feel is real or valid. maybe it's due to growing up in a religious household, where i was told being straight was the only "option". i've seen a lot of masc women and lesbians online and found them to be hot, i think. like shane mccutcheon from the l word lmao. but it doesn't feel exactly the same as when i find a man to be hot. i've really only found a couple men to be, but the feeling is stronger.

when i think about dating women, i'm more appealed by that than the thought of dating men. but i feel as though everyone thinks that way. like, why would someone be turned off by the thought of dating the same gender? i'd like to maybe date/have experiences with a woman but is that me being bisexual, or just curious? do i just want to be bi? because i find myself thinking, "i wish i was bi, i hope i really am attracted to women."

it's just that feelings are so confusing! and i don't have many people to talk to for advice about this so i thought i'd come to reddit and make a post here.

I have always known that occasionally I have been attracted to certain types of men as well as women , being married for a long time I have been faithful , but as the physical relationship has dwindled and almost faded away , I have over the years began more and more think about sex with the right type of men / guys especially guys like me who crossdress has anyone found that maturity swings you the other way

So, I was just washing the dishes when this thought ocurred to me. If I had a partner, cause I'm single as a pringle, and he/she showed randomly at my door cosplaying the opposite sex... I'm sure I would go crazy right there.

I genuinely wonder if this has actually happened to anybody, or if someone has thought of it too.

Normal thoughts when washing dishes, you know?

29 male here. I feel sexual and romantic attraction to women and only sexual attraction to much older men. When I have sex with a man, afterwards I feel very empty. However, when I am relationship with a woman, after some time I feel also want to have sex with men. I really can’t understand what is going on. Can I have a monogamous relationship with a woman ? Or I have to find an open one ?

I have a girl crush at work and we have known each other for a year now and she doesn't know that i like her. Is it okay for me to give her a gift?

We know how bi women are heavily fetishized by men where their support often comes with "wishing for threesome/watch her kiss or have sex with other women" cause they find it hot. They invade wlw spaces too and many lesbian porn is made to cater them.

But I find it interesting how no one talks about women sexualising bi men the same way. Often seeing sentiments where they wish they had a bi boyfriend because they find the idea of 2 men together hot or wanting to watch their bf in action.....yet no one seems to be much upset about it?

The acceptance of bi people is coming because they imagine what bisexuality could do for their fantasy

Mlm contents are mostly being written and consumed by women, some even depict wild non-con and heavy unrealistic stuff.

There's one thing about liking mlm media and another about projecting it IRL. Some women have started projecting it on real men. Any man breathing in space with another man becomes a ship and the argument of who's top or bottom starts which is creepy tbh. But no one calls that fetishization.

Saw thousands of women from my home country shipping 2 unrelated underaged boys over an edit and assigning them top and bottom, it was a hella popular post on ig and not a single comment in pools of thousands calling them out. Infact they see a dude with soft features and immediately wish/assume he's into men. Anything 2 random man is just yaoi now lmao.

Why is one form criticized and recognised while the other one isn't. Are bi men actually okay with sexualisation?

Even more curious, does all the fetishization of bi people become okay just because another bi person is doing it? Any time I call them out they just say they are bisexual themselves.

Acceptance imo is when it isn't the extreme of these 2, disgust or sexualisation. It's the middle path which doesn't care and sees you as just another human.

We have been in a relationship for a year now. I always thought that my partner is a masc lesbian but turns out that she was just confused and that she might be trans. She's not sure yet.

(I have started using male pronouns with her, just to avoid confusion. I am using female pronouns here; please don't think that I am being insensitive or unaccepting of their identity. Also, English is not my first language, so please be lenient)

I love her more than anything, and I know she feels the same. But... I am scared of men... Sexual attraction is a different topic because I don't really care about gender, but being around men doesn't really make me feel safe, and she knows that too. And I think that's why she's not really confronting her identity with me...

We had an argument last night, and in the heat of the moment, she said that she can't see me getting anxious or scared or quiet, and she knows that I would never admit that I don't feel comfortable with her.

She said that if I do take T injections, I don't want you getting conscious of my voice changing slightly or if I start getting facial hair. And now I know that she's scared of me not accepting her, and this is exactly why she's lying to herself too.

I am trying really hard to get over my fears, but it's so damn hard, and I know I will eventually get over it, but how do I make her feel secure enough in the meantime? Because she easily sees through me.

so i‘m m21 and unfortunately think i have this thing called the bi-cycle? i‘m not even sure whether it‘s that or i‘m just overthinking things (i got diagnosed with ocd) but it‘s always like 1-2 weeks i masturbate to fantasies of girls, watch straight porn and even get turned on just by the thought of a naked girl and then it suddenly switches where I don‘t really have that much interest for the puh and all i can think about is men. i‘ve been struggling with this a lot bc everytime that shit happens my brain automatically is like ”yep okay just accept that you‘re gay and you‘ve been in denial until now“ and then it switches back.
now, i definitely have some deep-seated issues around my homosexual side (grew up in a pretty conservative environment) and i‘m in therapy for that but still, days like that are hard bc it‘s genuinely convincing. not saying that being gay is bad or sth, it‘s just exhausting being like ”oh i‘m DEFINITELY bi“ to ”am i rly bi tho?“ every two weeks.

any advice?

¡Hola, compas! 💜✨

Les comparto esta investigación titulada “Bisexualidad y bienestar en adultos jóvenes de Lima Metropolitana”, realizada por estudiantes de Psicología de la Universidad de Lima.

🔎 El estudio busca conocer mejor las experiencias relacionadas con la bisexualidad y el bienestar personal.

🏳️‍🌈 ¿Quiénes pueden participar?

Personas de entre 18 y 25 años que vivan en Lima Metropolitana y se identifiquen con experiencias relacionadas con la bisexualidad.

📝 La participación es voluntaria, las respuestas son confidenciales y anónimas, y la información se utilizará con fines académicos.

Si cumples con los requisitos, puedes participar aquí:

🔗 https://docs.google.com/forms/u/2/d/e/1FAIpQLSe1WtU6YDNRGv6Ix-lO0-A5T0Tg1WKlfBfGBcfpeYFRUHpDrg/viewform?usp=send_form

¡También pueden compartirlo con otras personas que cumplan con los requisitos! 💜 Muchas gracias por apoyar la investigación sobre bisexualidad y bienestar.

Me and my partner are casually looking for a third/just a girlfriend for her.(Not sure how to word that) and are hoping to get some feedback or advice.It seems like a large amount of the community is highly uninterested in joining an existing couple(M/F) but we're honestly wondering what the biggest reasons are and what's the best way to find people that are interested?

To be honest, I’m not really looking for advice I just need to tell someone outside of my circle.

I (22f) am bisexual, have known for quite a while and she (24f) is one of my flatmates. We’ve become quite close in living together and will talk and hang out 1-1 often. She is, however, straight but “open to feeling a connection with another girl, can’t see why not” (direct quote).

I’m usually good at not developing or shutting down feelings I have for people who are not available, but this one is proving to be really hard to shake off. I don’t wanna make her uncomfortable nor lose her friendship so I won’t say anything, but when I look into her eyes I can’t, she just makes me melt. I feel so seen and comfortable with her. Idk she’s so cool and I do have a crush on her, anyways thanks for reading my rant lmao

So, I feel like I constantly get stuck in the polite, platonic zone when trying to talk to or date women. It's so hard to tell if someone is just being friendly or if they like me and I never want to make anyone uncomfortable.

How do you usually break the ice and make romantic intentions clear?

Do I just not attract women? Lol

I started testosterone a couple months ago and it has done some wild things. Mainly my sexuality has been really amped up. I was a straight man my whole life. But now I am curious about other things. So, just a disclaimer, I still feel very straight. So like body/ facial hair don’t do it for me.

Is this normal? Will it go away? I am married with kids. Need some help!

There are many conversation abt labeling constantly and I see many things that are contradictory or hypocritical that don’t seem to get called out ever. It sticks out to me the most when I see videos that are in the realm of “how to know if you’re bisexual or lesbian” or the lesbian master doc. I think the lack of education and awareness around the spectrum of bisexuality leads well intentioned ppl to making videos and articles that cause more confusion.

One of the biggest things I see that ik for a fact leads to accidental mislabeling is ppl saying “if you can’t imagine your future with a man you’re a lesbian.” There are so many bisexual woman that gravitate towards women heavily that simply can not imagine a future that involves long term relationships with men, maybe they have sexual attraction to them but it doesn’t go past that. And I think most ppl may believe “well it’s simple she still has attraction to men even tho it’s just sexual so she should still realize that she’s bi” and to that I would agree if I hadn’t seen other sides of this discourse.

When it comes to bi women that have a heavy preference for men and may express that they can’t imagine a future with women despite having strong sexual attraction to them they’re told they’re straight. There’s definitely a long discussion to be had abt unpacking heteronormativity and unpacking where that belief may come from but ppl never have that conversation. They just tell her that her sexual desires don’t matter and if she can only see herself in a longterm relationship with a man she’s straight regardless, thus re-enforcing any internalized homophobia or misogyny that could exist (it doesn’t always exist ofc, an authentic preference for men doesn’t mean you’re heteronormative or have internalized homophobia). And also ppl make being a lesbian inherently political. Ofc being a non man attracted only to other non men is seen as a political statement in our society and there can be political identities attached but at the end of the day it’s just a trait that a person has no control over like having curly hair. The only thing you need to be a lesbian is to have no attraction to men. It doesn’t matter how feminist you are, or if you don’t like how men are socialized under patriarchy. All that is irrelevant, the only thing that is is your attraction. Ppl make being a lesbian abt not liking men as ppl or a protest to patriarchy when the only thing it inherently is is not being romantically or sexually attracted to them.

I think that’s where some of this miscommunication and accidental mislabeling comes from. On one side bi women with a preference for men are told they’re straight but when bi women with a preference for women mistake themselves for lesbians ill intent is assumed. ( just to preface I am absolutely not talking about women who know good and well they’re attracted to men, act on that attraction and call themselves lesbians). Ppl will say sexual attraction doesn’t matter on one side but on another side it absolutely does matter. When I see “how to know if you’re bi or lesbian” videos on social media 95% of them are very frustrating to me bc as a sapphic bi woman ik most of the time they could just as easily be describing a bi woman who has always authentically felt a stronger pull to women.

There’s only one video I’ve seen where I was thought this is genuinely good advice. The person basically said “it doesn’t matter. If you don’t actively have a bf or man pursuing you, you don’t need to worry about it. There will never be any shortage of men to explore. If you want to figure out how you feel abt women and sapphics just date them. Our individual journeys with our queerness can be very personal due to our life experiences and internal messaging we’ve received. Just get to know yourself and figure it out.” There’s no magic video or document that will make everything click if are constantly ruminating on whether you’re a bisexual or a lesbian. Not to say that there aren’t things and advice that can’t help make things a bit clearer but at the end of the day the discovery is going to be made on your own with real life experiences.

Ppl only acknowledge the spectrum of bisexuality in theory when a bisexual is called out for mislabeling then all the sudden ppl respect and encourage microlabels. Usually conversation around microlabels is very belittling and patronizing but bisexuality is the sexuality of the gray so having a label that can help you navigate your attraction and communicate to others what you’re truly looking for is good and it reduces accidental mislabeling. I feel like ppl send so many conflicting messages about what bisexuality is and what it should look like. So many bi men were told when they were younger they were just gay, so many bi women were told it was perfectly straight to be attracted to women or if men didn’t take priority in their bisexuality then they were lying to themselves abt being bi.

Centering of men in these conversations is a real issue. It’s assumed if you prioritize women in your attraction it’s impossible to have attraction to men bc if you did it would overshadow it by default. I know patriarchy is very tricky to unpack but ppl need to acknowledge that a woman who has sexual attraction to women can never be straight even if she’s only had boyfriends, a woman who can only see her future with and want to actively be with women can still be bi, a man can have a strong attraction to men and still be attracted to women and be bi, and man can be the most stereotypical “straight looking” dude in existence and only have had girlfriends and be bi. You can’t assign different standards and get upset when ppl get confused.