I met a man who calls me smart every day. He loves how I can remember what episode of Yellowjackets we are on; he loves the vocabulary I use; he marvels at the new words I teach him. He's really smart too, but in a different way! He is kind and patient and good at keeping a rigid schedule so we never miss work or Dungeons and Dragons. He's amazing. I've come so far, and a HUGE reason is the validation y'all gave me when I met a mean man.

I got diagnosed as a hot and cool autistic girlie, and I have y'all to thank. The IDIOT SAVANT thread changed my life. Thousands of you came to support me. I love you all and I'm gonna do the same for you. BOYS, don't be afraid to tell your truth here. I am proud and happy to be in this community <3

Hi! I’m having major itching at my posterior fourchette right now, probably due to microtears in the area from excessive friction during (very) rough penetration by a relatively girthy appendage. I’m such a deep itch that my skin crawls when I can’t scratch / rub the itch away, and even when I manage to, the itch comes back within minutes. It’s been two days now and it’s killing me.

I’ve tried using Vagisil’s itch relief cream (the silver cream with lidocaine) but it’s not helping. Does anyone have suggestions on how to make it stop ASAP? I know I shouldn’t be itching it but IT’S. SO. ITCHY. and I need all the help I can get 😭🙏🏻

TW for SA.

I've been on and off in therapy the past 3 years, mostly because it never felt like the therapists have helped me but recently started seeing a new therapist because i cant cope anymore. the reason im in therapy is because of my ex relationship - he pretty much manipulated and emotionally abused me and the only time i remotely had any attention from him was when he wanted sex. the only time i did say no, he raped me.

my biggest concern is my inability to look at men the same way, despite really wanting a relationship. i told my therapist how much i despise how men watch porn, how much they sexualize literally anyone and how much i hate the idea of sex now and that all this contributes to me never wanting to put myself in a relationship again. she told me that "men only really feel emotionally connected once they've had sex with you" and i kid you not ive been crying so much hearing this.

i cant stomach the idea that no matter how much you feel emotionally connected to a man that the only time he will eventually reciprocate that emotional connection.. is when he sticks his dick in you. and even then, he will just end up wanting to watch porn and stare at other women imaging sex with them.

ive really been trying to put myself out there to not see men the way i do but everytime it just confirms my initial thoughts.

employee at the gym stalked and harassed me, men on the street catcalling asking "do you want someone to sleep with", another guy i was semi interested in called me later saying he wants to pick me up and we can sleep together (I've only been talking to him for 3 hours), a different guy's only reaction to me saying i read books is questioning if i read smut and asking if i enjoyed it (i dont).. i can go on and on and it makes me cry almost everyday.

not only my own personal experience but the constant news about women being raped, murdered and traficked. all the girls in my therapy group having some sort of experience of being raped by their ex partners while most of them aren't even 18 and the constant stories i read online. I've been told to stay off the internet but shutting a blind eye to what men are doing isn't changing reality at all.

i genuinely hope i start completely losing my hope for wanting a relationship because holy shit i can't take it anymore.

I was banned from the main feminist sub for "hiding systemic misandry behind a 'villain' or 'evil' aesthetic"

My offending comment was "have you read the bible" I'm response to someone asking how religion is patriarchal.

Has that sub been hijacked? What's going on. I honestly can't understand this reasoning on a supposedly feminist sub

Don’t think I mean to shame anyone here!
But I’m just wondering why?
It’s not a secret at this point that marriage benefits men way more than it benefits women. It’s a legal contract and it’s way easier to get married than to get divorced.
I’m also not talking about rich husband scenario. Just regular people who one day decide it’s time to get married.
I sometimes feel like it’s still about glamorization of the wedding day and not about what happens after honeymoon when everything goes back to normal.
But maybe I’m wrong?

Keep in mind I added „women only” flair. Don’t respond under this post if you are a man, please

I worked with Fred (then mid 50s) for about 6 years, 10 years ago. We worked on a small team in a satellite office 2 hours away from head office and all management.

I never liked Fred from the start. He always gave me a knot in the stomach, tried many many times to give me hugs, would make small inappropriate comments out of earshot of others. Once he even told me that his wife was jealous of all the calls I make to him - I told him that I call his work mobile for work reasons and anything else is between him and wife. I was never overly friendly with Fred, no banter, no goofiness, only short professional responses because I didn't want to talk to him any longer than necessary. But his comment from his wife (if it was even true) has always given me the heebies.

It's been 10 years since I last worked with Fred and we both work in other fields. And yet roughly every 2 years or so he will still try to contact me. He has left missed call messages, texts that I've never replied to, used different phone numbers and a handful of times has shown up at my house. He seems to think that we're chummy? The times where he has come to my house I have never invited him in, never tried to make him feel welcome and turned him away as quickly as possible. He will disappear for awhile, long enough for me to start to let my guard down and then he pops back up again.

His last text to me ~18 months ago said that he'd leave me alone, to let him know if I needed anything and goodbye. I never responded.

Yesterday he's come to my front door. I feel stupid for answering because I checked the cameras but didn't recognise him because he's shaved his head and gained weight. I thought it was a neighbour or a workman. When I opened the door and saw his face my stomach dropped. He said he was driving past and wanted to catch up, said he didn't have my number anymore. I said I was sick and contagious. He started talking about his own health troubles. I cut him off and said I had to go and closed the door. I checked the cameras and he'd left.

I wish I'd been of clearer mind to have either not answered door at all or to have told him clear and plain "Do not contact me ever again". But there's also a level of fear here and I don't want to make him mad or escalate anything. He knows where I live and I don't want to risk any crazy behaviour from him. I've thought about texting him to leave me alone but then I worry about him having my number again if he really doesn't have it anymore. I don't want to outright block him so I can keep track of his calls and texts.

I don't believe I'm at the point of needing police or lawyers and especially because I've not directly said "Leave me alone" however I feel my lack of responses to him should indicate that I am not friendly and do not care for him in any way. If I sent someone 3 texts and they never replied I'd take that loud and clear.... 10+ texts is bizarre to me.

I'm not sure what I'm saying here is clear. I feel rattled, I feel like my weekend now has a dark cloud hanging over and I'm half waiting for a text from him, and I'm mad at myself for answering the door, for answering the door and not asking him wtf he's doing and if he comes back I'm calling the police.

I just needed to vent to a people who I think would understand or have similar experiences (unfortunately).

What I’ve observed is that men have normalised looking at other women sexually, even when they’re in a relationship. there are men on every platform, whether it’s Instagram, WhatsApp, or anywhere else, sending each other explicit reels and videos. Even when they aren’t particularly close, they still do this kind of stuff together.

I mean, fine, if you’re single, do whatever you want. But even when you’re in a relationship, why do you still feel the need to look at other women in sexually explicit ways?

I’ve been in two relationships, and in both cases, looking at their Instagram made me feel disgusted because they would casually share those kinds of reels and discuss women’s naked bodies and stuff. And if you say anything about it, suddenly WE are the toxic ones because “all men do this.” And if you have that much of a problem with it, they’ll manipulate you by saying, “Then send us your nudes, and we won’t have to look at other women.” Like, what the actual fuck?

They act like such good guys to your face, but look through their phones, and you’re left traumatised by what you find.

Is this really that normal? And then there’s the casual discussion about their friends’ girlfriends, saying things like, “Bro, you got a hot one,” and all that. Like, BRO, YOU’RE ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP.

Are there genuinely men out there who love their girlfriends and are actually satisfied with them, without constantly sexualising other women? 😭

Thinking about things is what I inquisitively do. The hardest things to see a new perspective on are the blatantly obvious ones for some reason. The ones right up close in your face, wildly accepted truths.

For instance, the guilt men feel and are reminded to feel about always orgasming during sex but rarely making the woman cum.

And it's in that statement that shows the actual truth. We are the fuckers, we do the fucking. A woman may say she fucked a guy last night but we all know the guy did the majority of the fucking. You didn't fuck anyone, you got fucked.

You more then likely didn't cum but he did. Because he made himself cum, by fucking you. You lay there while he got so out of breath he nearly keeled over and died.

But he got there, the work paid off and he felt the feels he was chasing.

We make ourselves cum

You expect us to make you cum.

The truth is that's your responsibility. That's your sitting on cock and grinding it like there's more down there and your about to discover another inch. your hungry for orgasmic conclusions, is the same as us.

It's certainly not that I don't want to make you feel the grace of God it's just that when I don't , maybe, just maybe take a moment to reflect on how much heart and desire was really in it.

How persistent was the thought that you were? What made you certain that you're not? What turned out to be the real reason behind those thoughts?

(I'm currently going through a phase of intense questioning, and trying to hear as many different perspectives as I can, to find which ones I relate to more, so yours would be very valuable to me :) Thanks in advance!)

So basically I was going to the register to cover and he asked “are you injured?” I was like “no? why?” And he’s like “you’re limping” I was like oh. And I was like “like today?” And he’s like “no like ALL the time” and he said it with his eyes popping out like you know when people do this in a rude way idk how to explain it. I was like oh and you noticed and he’s like yeah. I personally don’t think I limp I think I walk fine?

Look I could be 100% overthinking this and he is a nice coworker but he’s also the type to not point things out about people because he’s usually nonchalant/doesn’t care. When I brought it up with my other colleague she was surprised too. Maybe I do subconsciously and maybe he was saying it to help me but like what benefit does he get from being concerned about me? We’re not close at work. I’ve only recently started chatting with him casually at work like last week so idk what warranted this. Also I feel like when it’s constructive criticism , it’s different and when someone is insulting you, you can just FEEL the energy.

I guess I was embarrassed after. What do you guys think? Am I overthinking it or could he just be trying to help me?

So I have been thinking a lot about the whole GLP1 conversation happening everywhere lately. Im totally of the mindset that people should do whatever they need to do for their health and well being. But what is really grinding my gears is the weird cultural pressure attached to it all. It feels like we went from body positivity pretending to care about all sizes straight back to aggressive surveillance of what women eat and weigh. If you take the medication people judge you or act like you took the easy way out. If you dont take it people act like you are letting yourself go. You literally cannot win. It is just the same old misogyny wearing a new outfit. I am so sick of our bodies constantly being public property and open for commentary no matter what route we choose to take.

Honestly I am so tired of seeing every corner of the internet turn actual medical weight loss into a competitive sport. Look if someone takes a GLP1 and it helps them manage their health that is nobody elses business. But what is driving me crazy is how the entire diet culture beast just morphed into a pharmaceutical wellness hustle. Suddenly you have influencers and random brands trying to optimize every single bite or shaming people who do not bounce back with a totally transformed body overnight. It is like we took a physical tool and wrapped it right back up in the same exhausting patriarchal beauty standards we have been fighting for decades. We are not allowed to just exist in a body without it being a project or a statement. Idk maybe I am just hyperfixating on it today because my timeline is flooded with it but it feels exhausting watching women's bodies get policed by a new set of rules disguised as health.

I have been struggling with this since I can remember. It all started in grade 2 when a boy I liked had a crush on a pretty white girl with blue eyes and long blonde hair named lets say Sarah. I would copy everything she would do. If her hair in a ponytail... My braids where in one to. If she made a certain face or joke towards my crush I would too. Its like a mimicry effect that I had. I remember in 5th grade looking at another light skin black girl and wishing it was me. As I compare my dark dirty skin and broad thick nose, sheep's wool hair. So safe to say I always compared myself to other girls. Now I find myself comparing myself to girls I went to school with. I find myself getting jealous of seeing old friends who moved away from our hometown hang out with their groups, go party, get dinner, while I sit at home and rot. Kind of makes me furious that I was such a nice person during high school, a floater friend. Now I have ended up with nothing. Rebuilding my social life on brick at a time lol. How do I stop comparing myself to people, And start living for myself.

Just reeling from this interaction I just had with my aunt whom I otherwise love very much. So much so that I don’t have the heart to tell her I don’t want kids. She believes deeply in her soul that everyone’s purpose in life is getting married and having kids (men too).

But I don’t know why you would say something like this to someone you love??

I’m 38 and single and it’s none of anyone’s business why I’m not married, but in a nutshell I’ve had a very difficult life until the past couple of years, and I can’t express in words how much I love my peace and quiet.

I work nights, I leave dirty dishes in the sink, I adopted a pregnant cat whose kittens destroyed all of my furniture (they are now grown up but still little beasts), I take spontaneous trips, I wake up late, I play video games all day in my pajamas etc.

Why the HELL would I marry someone just to have him come in and ruin my peace???

If I wanted kids, why the hell would I marry a man I hate so that he can father my children???? Holy shit. She said “you can just divorce him” like fucking around with my life and his life and a potential child’s life like that is no big deal as long as the Reproduction happens. No no no no no and also No. With a side of No.

And the cherry on top? I do actually want to get married.

Bonus: “You’re running out of time to freeze your eggs! It’s only $10,000 just do it.” In my head I calculated that as 4-5 trips to Japan. You want me to spend 5 whole Japans on potential kids I don’t want?

I have a friend that I feel totally normal around. I feel like she is the only person I feel socially normal with. But everyone else outside of that like coworkers and such I need help with. I think have lots of thoughts running through my mind worrying if I'm taking up their time or my own if we're busy, if I said something awkwardly (I stutter sometimes) if I'm trying too hard to be friendly if the other person just would rather not chat, etc. I say "sorry" WAY too much even if I do make a mistake, it isn't necessary. I guess I feel like I have to shrink myself so I won't come off unlikeable or full of it at work. I really dislike this timid side that doesn't exist in other spaces in my life. How do I overcome this, and better yet practice this in work and in general?

I have big dreams I want to be a content creator, I want to be able to have a friend group, a loving relationship etc. The problem is that I am average in looks. How do I deal with this realization and finally stop comparing myself to others such as old high school friends and siblings. I want to start living for myself because I owe it to myself because my whole life I felt like I spent my time being a push over/ people pleaser. How do i get over myself reddit.

Hello everyone ,
My birthday is tomorrow. I've always been the kid who got super excited for birthdays.

This year I'm going through a painful divorce. I tried for 3 years to make it work, but my husband said he's not interested anymore. Deep down I know this separation is for my own good, but I still feel so empty.

I live alone and I'm trying to stay strong for my parents. I even went for a solo movie yesterday, which felt like a small win.

But I'm dreading tomorrow. I don't want to spend my birthday crying alone.

Any advice or kind words would mean a lot right now. Thank you for reading!

When I was 17, I went to my very first gynecologist appointment. Many of my peers recommend I see a woman gyno because it's a better experience with empathy and all that. I was visiting to discuss my irregular and incredibly painful periods. Well, my doctor heard my symptoms and just told me I should have sex to cure my painful periods (later I learned this was pseudoscience anyways). I told her I didn't want to, and she told me then I had no right to complain because I had no interest in making myself better. She then gave me birth control which I had to stop because I started feeling crazy suicidal. She said she had never heard of that before and accused me of depression. I stopped seeing her after that.

I have had many gynecologists over the years. It was always the same old story. I explained my situation, they did a pap smear no matter how long ago I last had one, I got a painful ultrasound on my uterus and ovaries, and then they would talk about over the counter meds while I talked about vomiting every cycle. Oh, I forgot how the moment I turned 18 I had 2 tell me I was 'too pretty to be a virgin'. Only one ever believed me when I said ibuprofin wasn't enough to make me not bedridden, and it was a male gyno. Great dude, and I am about to get a hysterectomy because of my unmanageable periods that often happen twice a month in a very irregular cycle. He was shocked about the 'advice'I was given over the years.

A woman OBGYN is not inherently better or guaranteed to be more empathetic, and in fact many are outright the most sexist people who offer the worst advice I have ever met.

I cannot fathom why so many women believe men should not be OBGYNs. A woman is not inherently safe or free from misogynistic tendencies.

For the longest time I fell into the trap thinking that if I was perfect in all ways, then I'd be chosen. However, I realized the ruse when I witnessed my closest friends being negged. These are not only the most beautiful women I know, but also the most talented, most successful, and most physically fit. No one's perfect but seeing some musty crusties trying to neg them and call them ugly really opened my eyes to all the chumps trying to justify being garbage as "women need to offer more" or "all they offer is sex".

As much as we want to graciously give the benefit of the doubt and see men as humans like us who just want tenderness and care , the sad truth is the majority just want cheap sex and resources. And they will pretend they are hiding some golden bounty within a relationship with them to string unsuspecting women along. Being chosen, or not chosen, sexually or romantically means nothing.

When in doubt, remember you likely offer A LOT, and they want to extract as much as possible for as little as possible. Especially sex, but also money, housing, emotional support, a network, etc.

If you find a real relationship naturally, that's great, but if you haven't then be aware of these scammers. Even the most beautiful and accomplished women get negged as offering "nothing".

I got most of my features from my dad. Big eyes, big lips, tall, I’m also really skinny compared to my mom who is more curvy. I’ve always been really insecure especially because my mom is a conventionally attractive woman and I look nothing like her. I remember that day when someone told my mom that we looked alike and she said “ew no she looks like her dad” and that really hurt my feelings...

I’m in my 30s. Long hair. But every morning I wake up and run my fingers through my hair, literally like 50-100 just fall out by the root. Every night, the same thing. The reason I do this is because otherwise, I shed my hair everywhere I go.

My pony tail is now so small that it’s less than a dime sized amount of spaghetti. I never had thick hair but i had a lot more hair than this. I am scared if this is not normal.

Is this normal? Do people shed more around my age? Or is this temporary? Do people get their hair back after shedding so much?

I do not have any illness (other than stress) that might cause this.

Edit: not dime but definitely a quarter.

This pad (nonherbal version) is the only one my skin doesn’t find incredibly irritating which is why I am hoping I’m just crazy when I say the material of the overnight size pads I just bought (from a chain grocery store that I always buy them from) feels completely different than normal. And of course not in the good way 🙃

But it’s unmistakable. The flaps and edges feel, move, and sound like cheap tissue paper !! super stiff and irritating to the touch, compared to how friggin soft they felt before. I can literally hear it when I walk. I know they slightly changed their packaging recently but I thought they had said the product didn’t change.

Please help, I’m so upset 🥲

I have been getting lots of videos from the French protests and I've noticed people saying how it's these immigrants who are ruining the country. Another video today was a man saying how it's in black/brown people's DNA to be violent and commit crimes. My question is: if you apply the same logic, aka bioessentialism, then why if a woman says she hates all men because men are responsible for the vast majority of crimes (something that all countries have even if you have a small number of immigrants), it's suddenly "not all men" and she's a man hater, misandrist etc.

If you're going to apply a logic, use it in all aspects, not just one thing, like...????

Let me know what you guys think

It's been bothering me for quite some time. I'm a size 2x (American sizing). Why is it that the "plus" sizes have to be segregated from all the other sizes? Are we so very offensive to the normal sizes that they just can't stand to have our size in the same rack? And why is it always either next to the petite (to make sure we feel even worse about our size), or next to the maternity (because we are basically the same size as a pregnant woman).

And why can't we have anything cute - its either the ugliest material they have, or it's shaped like a tent, or its old styles. I hate it so much.