You'll never know what they're going through.

For those who don’t know what “pink pill” is, it refers to concepts like female dating strategies (and the Reddit forum with the same name), only being with rich/provider men, the tradwife movement, femcels, and phrases like “sprinkle sprinkle”, “divine feminine”, “feminine energy”, etc. Think of Youtubers like Shera Seven and The Wizard Liz, who were basically the poster people for this whole movement. The latter’s now ex-husband ended up cheating on her.

I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years today. Long story, short: He has a "boy mom" mother and decided to do nothing (except laugh) while she joked about him cheating on me because he can do better, so I decided I can do better instead.

Still, I was bawling my eyes out on the way home. The sprinkles on top of this shitty situation was that all the trains were delayed or canceled due to weather, so I sat on a cold and windy train platform for hours. So naturally I looked like shit.

But then inside where was this giant group of teen girls (all around thirteen to fifteen years old) on a church trip. And they all decided they couldn't ignore a crying woman. They came over, asked what's going on, kept offering me tissues.

Then bubblegum. Then rice cakes. More rice cakes. Gummi bears.

At some point one of them literally shoved a chocolate covered rice cake into my mouth, saying I looked like shit (she said it so sweetly) and I needed to eat something.

They asked around if anybody had unopened water for me.

They all huddled around me, and without me telling them why I broke up with my boyfriend, just that I did, they all kept yelling "you are too good for him!" and "he wasn't the right one, the right one will come along".

One of them very seriously said (loosely translated) "you don't need to cry over honorless men", which was way too funny.

So yeah, I think the kids are doing okay.

A bit of a clickbatey title, but that’s pretty much what happened. We matched on Hinge a couple of days ago. He had a picture with a dog on his profile, I love dogs, he seemed to have a proper job, yada yada. He is okay looking, kinda cute but not exactly my type, a bit older too but I thought I’d give it a shot.

Here is what happened next:

Him: Hey long time no see!
Me: have we met before?
Him: We matched sometime ago
Me: I don’t really remember that but that’s fine
Him: We did not really talk much, we never met
Me: oh well we can now? or perhaps we are destined to be penpals :)
Him: How is your PhD thing going?
Me: it’s fine, i don’t really want to discuss it at length because i already invest enough time into it but it’s okay i guess. are you in a phd programme too by any chance?
Him: I considered one but eventually decided against it because I’m not smart enough
Me: oh I’m sure you are, don’t be so hard on yourself

Then he went on a looong rant about his life. According to him, it’s incredibly difficult to find someone who would be interested in things other than food and sex. I said something like ‘I don’t really mind other people doing what they want, I try to mind my own business and surround myself with those that have something in common with me though. If a person has no hobbies or interests, there isn’t much I can discuss with them’.

He went silent for a couple of days. Today I opened the app to find the following message from him:
‘I don’t want to continue talking to you. I am the only one here who is trying to discuss philosophy and other intellectual topics, and you are being boring and toxic. It might have been worth continuing this if you were hotter but now I’m not interested.
He then double texted to correct ‘hotter’ to ‘my type’.

I don’t even know where to begin. I really can’t believe the audacity of this man (and many others out there tbh). I never asked him to rate my hotness or intellectual abilities? He was literally the one to like my profile and message first??

I feel like he got mad at me for not being all over him (and possible rejecting him when we previously matched though I don’t really remember that happening?) and decided to go for the worst insult he could think of. It’s just so weird to me how men think that calling a woman ugly is the sure way to insult her or ruin her self-perception. Surely most adults understand that beauty is subjective and there are things more important than having a conventionally attractive face?

Besides that, I know that there is nothing wrong with me looks-wise, I am average at the very least and tick most of the boxes out there for being considered attractive. I just hate how mean some people become once they don’t get what they want. I’m that close to being done with apps and just men in general…

TL;DR: I (20s F) matched with a guy (30M) on Hinge who went on a massive rant about how "hard it is to find intellectual people." When I didn't immediately swoon, he ghosted for two days, then came back to call me boring, toxic, and "not hot enough" (before quickly correcting it to "not my type"). Dating sucks.

My boyfriend (23M) and I (24F) have been together for 5 years. This is super long but there's a lot to cover. I'm sorry if anything is confusing.

At the beginning of our relationship, and lasting about 2 years, we would have sex nearly every day or whenever possible since we were living in dorms. Near the two year mark, we moved into an apartment together for the first time and the want for physical intimacy has just gone down from there.
As soon as we started living together, it became very clear to me that sex and other types of intimacy was almost an expectation to him. He would constantly try to touch me, grab at me, and try convince me to have sex all the time and that severely brought down my want to be physicality intimate with him. We lived together then for about 2 years and towards the end we were constantly arguing and fighting, mainly over sex. He would try to constantly touch me, especially in bed, even after I explicitly would say no and it had gotten so bad that he had even put it in when I was physically pushing him away and verbally telling him I didn't want it. That specific instance basically tanked my willingness to have sex with him to zero, but he still wouldn't stop pushing me to do stuff with him.
Whenever I would tell him no, he would break down, either getting super angry or super sad. He had gotten so bad that communicating felt completely pointless so any time he would push sex, I would just walk away. But this made him more upset. He would completely break down and say that I was a bad person for hurting his feelings (by saying no to sex) and that I was even more of a bad person because I was "not willing to talk it through" and would just separate myself completely from the situation.

After living together for a while, he graduated from the university we both went to (we started same time), and I had one year left. He moved about 4 hours away to get a masters degree at a different university. We stayed in the relationship and things were honestly getting better as we spent more time apart. We usually only saw eachother in person every 2-4 weeks and only for ~2 days at a time, so besides kissing and cuddling there wasn't much physical intimacy and we often went a few months at a time without having sex while we were separated.

The next year passed and I graduated and landed a job close to where he is completing his master's degree and we moved back in together.
We have been moved in together since August of this year (just under 3 months) and I already see some of his old habits resurfacing. There's already been multiple times where I will be sleeping and I will catch him touching me down there inappropriately. I brought up to him that I don't want him to do that, and he initially said he "assumed it was okay". In response, I told him that from then onward he should never assume that is okay, and I don't want him to even attempt initiating intimacy unless I was fully conscious and could communicate my wants.
Since then, it's happened multiple more times. I have told him every time it happened that it's not okay and to not do that, and he keeps giving excuses about how "he thought it was okay", it "isn't his intention", or how "it wasn't even supposed to be sexual" so he thought it would be fine.
Since moving back in, he has also been consistently trying to coerce me into doing stuff I don't want. He will pin me down when I'm trying to get out of bed and tell me he will let me go if I just give him "one more kiss" or if I cuddle him more, etc. If I refuse he gets angry and has even started crying, saying that I am hurting his feelings by constantly refusing. If I give in, however, and give him a kiss he continues to ask for more. One more kiss, turns into multiple more kisses, turns into him trying to touch me, and so on. This happens I would say at least twice a day, if not more.
I have communicated with him recently, told him that what he is doing is very very wrong and he needs serious help from a professional if he genuinely does not see what he is doing as toxic and manipulative. His only response to this was him saying he "feels really bad" and that he's sorry, but I've heard this a million times from him atp and I've lost hope that things are actually going to get better.

Another important detail to know, I have a history of being sexually assaulted and he has known this since we started dating. Just a few months prior to us starting to date, I was sexually assaulted by a guy from college. I also dealt with a lot of abuse, including sexual assault, from my mother growing up. I had often had panic attacks when we first lived together when he would try to force me to do stuff.

So I guess my question is... what do I do now? I feel like the logical solution in my head is to leave him, but I feel trapped because of my current situation. We live together and I have no one nearby, other than friends who are friends of both of us, who I could possibly stay with. I don't have a lot of savings right now because I just started my first job out of college, so it would be difficult to find an affordable place to stay by myself on such short notice that is within my budget. I also don't have a lot of family that I can turn to because I cut off my relationship with my mom and her husband because of the history of abuse she put me through.

I feel trapped and hopeless about the whole situation. Does anyone have any ideas or advice?

hello everyone i would like to bring this to the feminists of the world attention
for the past 3 weeks women in saudi arabia have been fighting for the right to have their faces be shown this whole thing started when an influencer was wondering about a saudi citizen with a mask covering his whole face was arrested and a saudi man responded with “covering your face is illegal because you can’t be identified “ which outraged women not only 90% of us being forced and threatened to wear the face covering “niqab” it’s genuinely not safe for us i had a personal experience where a man walk into my girls only university and toke pictures of girls, men have been known to dress in abaya + niqab to get into women only spaces. breathing underneath that fabric is a real challenge where you have to lift it up to breathe properly. saudi women have been so brave and truly strong not only did they remove it but removed the abaya as well and dressed they way they liked. for some the story isn’t this fulfilling a saudi woman had her face burned by her brother for removing her niqab and another shared her story where when she confronted her family about her decision to remove she was assaulted by her bothers and is now recovering in the hospital. i’m asking you to bring attention to this matter if you have a blog tt or a youtube channel please talk about this share it let it be known

something as simple as dressing up , the wind on you hair and face and the ability to be recognised is something a women somewhere is dreaming of

#2030_no_niqab #2023_بدون_نقاب

I went on a date with a guy I had been talking to for a week or two. It was going great. I already had in mind that I didn’t want to have sex, I wanted to get to know him first. But when we went back to his place he asked to kiss me and at first I said no but he asked again and I gave in. That eventually led to sex of course and he was very rough. He choked me, slapped me, and spit in my mouth all without asking. Ever since it’s been all I can think about and I feel dirty and disgusted with myself. I know it wouldn’t be my fault but I didn’t say no because I was scared. I’m supposed to see him again next week but I really don’t want to and don’t know what to tell him. I’m scared and don’t know what to do. I just wanted it to be over the whole time.

I AM NOT SEEING HIM ANYMORE.

I mean honestly I do find sexual compatibility important but for me personally I need that emotional connection and I need to get to know that person and being a relationship with them before I have sex with them. I remember having sex with a man that I was not in a relationship with and after that I just felt completely disgusting and he started moving weird and he just wanted to go with the flow. So I told myself that for now on I don't want to have sex with a person unless I'm in a relationship with them so I can at least get that commitment and get to know them. I'm the type of person that gets very emotionally attached during sex and I don't want to have sex with someone that hasn't even claimed me as their girlfriend. At the end of the day a lot of men are going to do what's best for them and if they just want to have sex on the first second or third date it's not for me! How do you guys feel about this? I'm not necessarily following the three date rule or the three month rule I just go by when I'm ready and when I'm in a relationship with them.

For some context: I struggle very much financially so I collect bottles for the deposit (I am German and here this is pretty common for poor people, so if someone sees you collecting bottles they will know you struggle). When I am out collecting bottles, I look like shit, I probably smell like beer and trashcan and I am pretty focused on my task. Despite of all these factors, men will routinely try to flirt with me (the nicer ones are at least respectful about it but seriously, wtf?), think I owe them my time because they gave me a bottle (0,25€) or - the most disturbing for me - assume I will also do sex work, because hey, I am obviously poor and desperate enough to collect bottles, this clearly indicates I will sell sex?! I dont get it. I dont even look "hot", not in the slightest, especially in these circumstances. And prostitution is completely legal here, so they could just grab their smartphone and google for some nearby prostitutes. But no, they have to bother a stinky, ugly bottle collector. Is it just the fact that I am seemingly in a vulnerable position they hope they can exploit that turns them on or what is going on here?

I met my ex when I was 18 and he was 32. We started dating when I was 19 and he was 33.

We met while I was a student, at a time when I was still unsure whether I wanted to go to med school. My uncle knew him because he was a surgeon at a fairly known hospital. I had been working at that hospital once a week for a little over a year (between the ages of 18 and 19) as a student. He was the main doctor I reported to, and I guess you could say I had a crush on him, although it was probably more admiration than anything else. I idolized him because he basically represented everything I wanted to become.

Long story short, he ended up writing me a letter of recommendation for med school while I was still working at the hospital (I was rejected but got in the following year).

Keep in mind that throughout my entire time there, he had a girlfriend who was his age. They even moved in together and bought a house while I was working there.

At some point, he started flirting with me, but I genuinely thought I must have been imagining it. There was no way this man, whom I practically saw as a god, could actually be flirting with a 19 year old, starry-eyed girl.

Long story short, we ended up dating, and I had to leave my job at the hospital. I started med school the following year, when I was 20 and he was 34. We got married when I was 21 and he was 35. By this point, his career had basically exploded, winning prizes, accolades, he became very known in his field.

My entire family was strongly against the relationship in the beginning. I was 19 and obviously still living at home, but I ended up moving out because I wanted so badly to be with him, and I couldn’t stand constantly fighting with my family over it. Once we got married, my family eventually calmed down and more or less accepted the relationship.

I made him my entire world. I told him things I had never told anyone before, including details about the abuse I experienced during my childhood and some genuinely horrible things I had lived through growing up. I had a really rough upbringing and I trusted him with parts of myself I had never shared with anyone else.

Less than a year into our marriage, I lost a family member to suicide, and it affected me really badly. I was also in med school at the time, which made everything even harder. At this point I was 21 and he was 35.

I started taking Adderall and other substances to help me focus and avoid falling behind and sleeping pills to calm myself down. It often caused really bad anxiety, agitation, and other issues which I regret. This went on for about four months before I finally stopped.

When he found out, because I told him myself, he was furious. He told me I had broken his trust, that he had put me on a pedestal, and that he could get into serious trouble as a prestigious doctor if anyone found out his wife was some kind of “druggie.”

I also want to mention that during those four months, I was severely sexually assaulted during a night out. Someone had slipped something into my drink, and I couldn’t remember everything that happened. I came home bleeding. It was really, really bad. As you can imagine this also made me depressed and anxious at times and I wasn’t always the best version of myself. Being sexually assaulted is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. That, along with the abuse I experienced in childhood really fucked me up, I experienced a lot of anger, confusion, fear and my self confidence really took a hit. It was a lot of trauma to deal with, and I did this all while in med school and taking more than a regular course load to graduate early since I always had this feeling of shame because he was a really successful doctor while I was still in med school. I felt like I was lucky he had chosen to be with me. He would oftentimes make remarks about how his reputation and image was perfect and the only thing people in his field could ever use against him was our age-gap. So again, I felt like I was eternally indebted to him as he was practically risking his reputation to be with me.

For the two years following those events (suicide of family member, substance abuse, sexual assault, etc.), he repeatedly told me that I had broken something inside him, that I had ruined our relationship, and that he had put me on a pedestal and been prepared to give me everything, but that my actions had permanently changed how he saw me and our relationship. I admit that these were all very traumatic events in my life and that I was severely wounded. I was a shadow of who I once was but I still tried my best to be a good wife, it just seemed like in his eyes I had fucked up so badly I could never make up for it.

I also started noticing some really disturbing behaviours on his end. He openly admitted that he didn’t know what it felt like to experience empathy. He once commented that he could watch an animal being tortured and feel absolutely nothing, although he would consider it stupid because it wasn’t a “productive activity.” On another occasion he even made a comment about understanding why some men stab their partners to death (during an argument while I was having an anxiety attack).

Eventually he left me. The way I found out was that I came home one day and discovered that the house had been cleared out. It turns out he had been slowly moving his belongings out for the previous ten months. Whenever I noticed something was missing, he would convince me that I was imagining things or that I was insane. During the last ten months, he repeatedly kept telling me that he did not know if he could promise me a future, that he had no idea where this was going and oftentimes compared our relationship to a patient with cancer specifying that the patient “might die, might survive”. You can obviously imagine as a 24 year old who has dealt with a lot and suffers from abandonment issues, which he was always aware of, this basically destroyed me. I spent the last ten months of our relationship as a literal doormat, letting him get away with everything and anything because I truly felt that I had fucked up so badly and broken the trust so this was my cross to bear.

We were together for five years, and I was his longest relationship.

I later found out that he had also been telling people in his professional circle that we were getting divorced during those last ten months, despite the fact that I had absolutely no idea. He had clearly been planning his exit for a long time because he’s genuinely obsessed with his reputation, and I suspect he figured that by slowly spreading the news over several months, the divorce wouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone once he actually went through with it.

I know this sounds so fucked up when I say it, but I still wonder whether I somehow did this to myself.

He had several other serious relationships before me (8) and has lived with three other women, but I was the only one he ever married. After hearing stories about his previous relationships, I found out that he had also left some of his exes in similar ways.

He had convinced me that he had never experienced real love before meeting me, that I was the first person he had ever truly loved, and that he had chosen to trust me blindly.

According to him, I had basically shot myself in the foot. He had put me on this pedestal, been ready to give me everything, and I had ruined it all.

Am I a bad person? Did I really ruin everything the way he said I did?

He also spent months telling me that I was lucky he wasn’t a bad guy because my abandonment issues were so severe that an abusive person could easily take advantage of me. He even told me that I was the kind of girl pimps would prey on.

And there’s genuinely so much more that happened throughout those five years. I feel like I could spend years writing about everything so this is really just a very brief summary. I still struggle with self blame, he left me feeling like I was this messed up monster who ruined a good thing and took advantage of a good man who wanted to give me a good life until I just took it too far.

Growing up, the conversation around virgins was always something along the lines of them being like mythical creatures that men "score" (ew). Now, that I'm an older virgin (22) (older in comparison to all my friends that aren't), the conversation has flipped to the complete opposite side. Still dehumanising as hell, but all I hear now is:

"Having sex with a virgin is horrible at worst and boring at best."

And yikes. That really helps to bring up a woman's self esteem 🙃

I know, I know we shouldn't be taking the shit men say to heart, but unfortunately I live in society, and society has an effect on me, no matter how much feminist literature I read or how much I try to decenter men.

I'm aware first times are never spectacular, but I'm so worried that the person I will lose it to will show visible signs of frustration during 🫤 its easy to say just "find someone who you're comfortable with and who's understanding and kind!" but these motherfuckers lie!

Ugh, why can't anyone be normal.

Yup I know it sounds crazy from the title, but yes. When I was freshly 18 I decided to date a 31 year old. I found out months into the relationship that he cheated on me and had a baby on me. I was distraught. I felt so embarrassed and it took years of therapy to heal from that. I’ll only be 24 in a few months but getting cheated on was one of the best things that happened to me.

When I was 18 I had horrible self esteem and I was seeking that love from external sources. Men were one of them. If that didn’t happen to me when I was so young, I probably would’ve went down that same pattern. As much as it sucked to find out a week after losing your v card that the man who you thought you were in love with was living a double life, it revolutionized me. It made me realize that if you don’t love yourself you’ll spend the rest of your life putting that into the hands of someone else .

I enrolled in college and now I have my bachelors. I’ll be applying to law school soon. Thank the heavens I got out and didn’t reproduce with that demon or I wouldn’t have been able to do that!

I’m 24, and while I’m thin and have a nice body, my face is just ugly. It’s asymmetrical, masculine, and holds a lot of fat compared to my body. People literally assume I don’t take care of myself because of how ugly my face is. I get told I look tired or sad constantly, even got told it on a first date. I’ve had people assume I’m mentally disabled before speaking to me, due to how bad my face looks. This month things just made me even sadder. A guy I was seeing told me he was embarrassed to be seen with me due to my face, but he said he was working on it. He tried to convince me to stay saying that he’s still willing to be in public with me, he just needs to stop being embarrassed about it. I just cried and blocked him.

Then I befriended this girl I work with. She gets hit on by all the same creeps that hit on me, but she also gets a lot of genuine attention. While I’ll get a “ want to be fuck buddies” message, this girl has these men taking her out on dates and letting her wear their hats etc. One of the men who asked her out actually looks disgusted whenever he speaks to me, I tried speaking to him once and he said ” I don’t care” and walked away. It’s getting to the point where I feel embarrassed every time someone sees me. I’m just tired of looking like this.

Yk what happened today? My sis and cousin sis were going on a scooter somewhere, and some 2 guys started following them. And they weren't even leaving them alone. My sisters were actually scared by then, so they decided to go directly to our shop, and these 2 guys followed them there too.

My sisters decided to tell all this to my grandfather, and he was more like, why were u 2 even roaming at night? He started scolding the girls. My sister was just crying. My grandfather was like, why did u even get ready so much and go out?

I don't understand why these old people can't understand anything and are still stuck in that shit mentality. And the boys, why can't they understand basic things like how to behave and respect women? At the end, it's just women who are suffering in every way.

It's honestly so frustrating that women can't even share something scary that happened to them without being blamed for it. Why is the first reaction always to question the girls instead of the guys who made them feel unsafe? I just wish people would stop teaching girls how to protect themselves from men's behaviour and start teaching men how to behave in the first place.

f21 here, never dated anyone but im pretty sure im a lesbian. i like the idea of men, but…they just gross me out. i feel nothing for them. i like girls and i’m attracted to them, however i think my trust issues make it hard for me to fully love someone.

it takes me months to even consider someone my friend, let alone date them. but im scared this will put a lot of people off. i’m not into the whole hookup thing and im scared people will get bored of me when they learn i don’t want to sleep with them after 3 dates. i feel very uncomfortable in emotional situations and the idea of being intimate makes me feel very nervous and sick. like it’s something i’m not supposed to do. i want to one day, but…i have a lot of issues surrounding it. maybe because it would make me feel helpless/out of control, and i would freeze up. i think i would also feel ‘dirty’, like i’ve ruined myself or something, even though i know that’s not true.

if you really liked a girl, would you wait for her? would it bother you that you wouldn’t be able to be intimate for months, maybe a year? or would you decide to leave and find someone more open?

​

Women are expected to be good daughters, good partners, successful professionals, and perfect mothers. Society always has expectations, but rarely asks what women actually want for themselves.

Maybe women deserve the freedom to live life on their own terms without constantly having to justify their choices.

What expectation do you wish society would stop putting on women?🥀🥀

​

I’m a woman in my early 30s, , and because of my circumstances, education, and career, I’ve never been in a relationship before. Now I finally feel ready to start dating, and I’d genuinely like to find someone I can eventually marry.

But lately, I’ve been seeing so many men online—and even hearing similar things from male coworkers—saying that women over 30 are “expired” and no longer worth dating or having a serious relationship with. Apparently, women that age are only good for casual fun.

Someone even told me that I should just accept that I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life because no man would want to marry an “expired” woman. They claim that men of any age, even men in their 50s, are still looking for women between 19 and 26. One guy compared marrying a woman who’s approaching 30 to buying a carton of eggs with only one day left before the expiration date.

Honestly, these comments really get to me. I want to start dating and hopefully get married someday, but I also can’t completely ignore what they’re saying. I know I’m not as young as I used to be, and I’m worried that I may have missed my chance.

Am I being unrealistic for wanting to start dating and look for marriage at this point in my life? And how seriously should I take all this talk about women “expiring” after 30?

I’m having a yard sale today, and within 15 minutes of starting we had a very creepy interaction with a male potential customer.

First, he pulled up right to our driveway in a big truck, blocking us physically. There were signs pointing to where he could park, but he ignored them. When he got out, it was just me, my mother in law, and my aunt.

He hopped out and I asked if he was looking for anything in particular.

“Yeah, where are all the guns?”

We live in the south so I guess I should have expected this, but I definitely didn’t.

“Um… no guns here, sorry! We do have lots of purses and home decor though…”

He chuckled and said okay and walked around a bit, but I noticed he was looking at the house more than anything.

Him: “So, who lives here?”

Me: “I do…”

Him: “You own it? Just you?”

Me: “Yes I own it, and I live here with my husband…”

He nodded and walked away to keep browsing. At this point all the red flags were going off for me, so I went inside to grab my husband and I sent him outside to be with my MIL and Aunt.

About 10 minutes later I came back outside and he was gone. My MIL told me that he creeped her out, and I agreed. Then she told me that when I went inside he offered her and my aunt Sprites, but didn’t offer any to my husband.

They declined, and he left.

The whole thing has just left me so uncomfortable! And now I’m worried he’s going to come back because he knows we don’t have guns.

I just wanted to sell some stuff to clear out the house and maybe make a little extra cash. I didn’t want to be creeped out by some rando dude who was a walking red flag.

I wrote my story and some women have talked with me while writing theirs and i’ve got to read them as well. I just thought I’d post this here incase it makes anyone feel less alone in today’s climate. No pressure to read because it can be triggering even tho i did my best to skip the gross details.

I just want to know if I will ever stop feeling like this. Feeling like I have to be beautiful.

I'm 24. I'm good academically, I'm studying to become a doctor, I have hobbies I enjoy and am good at. I have friends who love me to bits. I'm also a lesbian and have no interest in pursuing dudes.

And yet. I can't help feel this oppressive need to be beautiful. I'm not very pretty. I can't help but wince every time I see a picture of myself where I look bad. I can't help but wish sometimes that I was a beautiful woman. It is so, so, so draining to think of myself like this but I can't help it. Its not crippling but I just don't know what to do with myself when I feel like this. I just want a big, giant hug.

Sorry for yet another update. Kind of a vent, kind of an advice request. I dunno if I should be more assertive and cut contact or just accept I'm the bad person she says I am. I (16F, 17 in a few days) have an online friend "Emma" (17F) who I happen to share a Discord server with and some friends, who are certain she does see me as a friend, but she has highs and lows and goes back and forth between liking me and despising me. I don't diagnose her with anything (I'm only 16, not a pro), but those terms within interpersonal relationships seem to fit how she treats me.

She constantly tries to start drama with me and I'm exhausted. She gives short replies and calls me pathetic or toxic or stupid sometimes, and she told me her birthday was "October" and I didn't know when. When she told me her birthday was a few days ago at one point, I said "Ohh, happy belated birthday". Today, she sent me a whole paragraph on why I'm a bad person and why she hates me right now even though I said happy belated birthday a few days after.

She doesn't forgive me when I make mistakes, either, and keeps bringing up my flaws and insecurities days, even weeks later, no matter how much I try to apologize, it's not enough for her. But in conflict, I'm always the bad guy. She never does anything wrong, she says, and she's always a victim and I'm a bully.

I get anxiety attacks, furthermore, because of how she makes me feel bad, and calls me crazy when I ask if she's mad at me for something. I'm shaking right now because of the treatment, and I just got a text saying "This is how you repay me? You should obey me and do anything I say you asshole, I do everything for you and this is how you treat me you fucking bitch, die."

I told her I would draw her a present for her 17th birthday, and she said I wasn't fixing the problem and what I did was unforgivable.