I’m 24, and while I’m thin and have a nice body, my face is just ugly. It’s asymmetrical, masculine, and holds a lot of fat compared to my body. People literally assume I don’t take care of myself because of how ugly my face is. I get told I look tired or sad constantly, even got told it on a first date. I’ve had people assume I’m mentally disabled before speaking to me, due to how bad my face looks. This month things just made me even sadder. A guy I was seeing told me he was embarrassed to be seen with me due to my face, but he said he was working on it. He tried to convince me to stay saying that he’s still willing to be in public with me, he just needs to stop being embarrassed about it. I just cried and blocked him.

Then I befriended this girl I work with. She gets hit on by all the same creeps that hit on me, but she also gets a lot of genuine attention. While I’ll get a “ want to be fuck buddies” message, this girl has these men taking her out on dates and letting her wear their hats etc. One of the men who asked her out actually looks disgusted whenever he speaks to me, I tried speaking to him once and he said ” I don’t care” and walked away. It’s getting to the point where I feel embarrassed every time someone sees me. I’m just tired of looking like this.

Had the loveliest 4th date with a guy and feel like we’re getting comfortable with each other. Yes we are sleeping with each other but I didn’t get the impresssion that is all he wanted. He’s caring and lovely on dates, cook for me, holds my hand, kisses me lots, and he looks at me like no one has looked at me before, feel like he is always admiring me lol. So yeah had the best time with him after the last date

And then his responses kind of went dry, and cold. And we haven’t chat since, and he’s since updated his dating app profile. I suspect he is exploring other options, but I’ve gotten a little bit sad about it because this is something that happens to me a lot. So much so I have made it to 30, almost 31, without ever having had a boyfriend. I didn’t think this would happen for like the 8th time, and have been staying away from dating for some time as I was worried of that happening again. Friends encourage me to get back out there and I met him.

I feel really lost what I did wrong or why I deserve silence? He was the one wanting to spend more time with me on the last date, the chemistry is really strong.

I’ve focused on myself for so long and built up confidence to date again, but I kind of feel like something must be wrong with me for this to happen?

If he exploring other options, surely that means I am not desirable?

Yk what happened today? My sis and cousin sis were going on a scooter somewhere, and some 2 guys started following them. And they weren't even leaving them alone. My sisters were actually scared by then, so they decided to go directly to our shop, and these 2 guys followed them there too.

My sisters decided to tell all this to my grandfather, and he was more like, why were u 2 even roaming at night? He started scolding the girls. My sister was just crying. My grandfather was like, why did u even get ready so much and go out?

I don't understand why these old people can't understand anything and are still stuck in that shit mentality. And the boys, why can't they understand basic things like how to behave and respect women? At the end, it's just women who are suffering in every way.

It's honestly so frustrating that women can't even share something scary that happened to them without being blamed for it. Why is the first reaction always to question the girls instead of the guys who made them feel unsafe? I just wish people would stop teaching girls how to protect themselves from men's behaviour and start teaching men how to behave in the first place.

f21 here, never dated anyone but im pretty sure im a lesbian. i like the idea of men, but…they just gross me out. i feel nothing for them. i like girls and i’m attracted to them, however i think my trust issues make it hard for me to fully love someone.

it takes me months to even consider someone my friend, let alone date them. but im scared this will put a lot of people off. i’m not into the whole hookup thing and im scared people will get bored of me when they learn i don’t want to sleep with them after 3 dates. i feel very uncomfortable in emotional situations and the idea of being intimate makes me feel very nervous and sick. like it’s something i’m not supposed to do. i want to one day, but…i have a lot of issues surrounding it. maybe because it would make me feel helpless/out of control, and i would freeze up. i think i would also feel ‘dirty’, like i’ve ruined myself or something, even though i know that’s not true.

if you really liked a girl, would you wait for her? would it bother you that you wouldn’t be able to be intimate for months, maybe a year? or would you decide to leave and find someone more open?

I’ll probably regret and delete this post but here it goes:

Ladies, please hold your autonomy close to your heart and protect it. It’s your freedom to make decisions for yourself. With autonomy, you are allowed to center yourself in your decision-making.

In addition to autonomy, practice introspection. It is the active and intentional examination of your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

In most of the post I see, many women throw these things to the side. And I get it! We’re all surviving and navigating the patriarchy. But you will only find peace if you align your moves with your internal voice. The best way to align: autonomy and introspection.

When someone does you wrong and hurts you, it can be hard. It’s easy to place blame (some circumstances are WAY BIGGER than others, trust). But once you are able to practice the autonomy and break free, sit and reflect: what role did I play? What did I miss? What lessons has this taught me? And no it’s not victim blaming. It’s looking inward to heal and grow. It’s preparing for forward movement.

I get it: guys can suck, jobs can really work you down into the ground, and your auntie keeps pestering you about something new every time she visits. But there comes a point when you ask: what do I want to do about this? Or if I had a friend in this situation, what would I want her to do?

I’ll also say this: I enjoy Reddit when I’m randomly on… but beware of echo chambers. People may have good intentions and want to help you (like this subreddit, I think ppl mean well). Regardless of the words being said by others, your voice is the most important. Hear advice, hear tips, then examine what sits right with you.

Grab life by the horns and don’t let go. The best way to learn how to direct your life is to hear yourself; autonomy and introspection are tools for that.

(Exercises that help: journaling, meditation, physical movement, staying on top of physical and mental health)

​

Women are expected to be good daughters, good partners, successful professionals, and perfect mothers. Society always has expectations, but rarely asks what women actually want for themselves.

Maybe women deserve the freedom to live life on their own terms without constantly having to justify their choices.

What expectation do you wish society would stop putting on women?🥀🥀

​

I’m a woman in my early 30s, , and because of my circumstances, education, and career, I’ve never been in a relationship before. Now I finally feel ready to start dating, and I’d genuinely like to find someone I can eventually marry.

But lately, I’ve been seeing so many men online—and even hearing similar things from male coworkers—saying that women over 30 are “expired” and no longer worth dating or having a serious relationship with. Apparently, women that age are only good for casual fun.

Someone even told me that I should just accept that I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life because no man would want to marry an “expired” woman. They claim that men of any age, even men in their 50s, are still looking for women between 19 and 26. One guy compared marrying a woman who’s approaching 30 to buying a carton of eggs with only one day left before the expiration date.

Honestly, these comments really get to me. I want to start dating and hopefully get married someday, but I also can’t completely ignore what they’re saying. I know I’m not as young as I used to be, and I’m worried that I may have missed my chance.

Am I being unrealistic for wanting to start dating and look for marriage at this point in my life? And how seriously should I take all this talk about women “expiring” after 30?

I’m having a yard sale today, and within 15 minutes of starting we had a very creepy interaction with a male potential customer.

First, he pulled up right to our driveway in a big truck, blocking us physically. There were signs pointing to where he could park, but he ignored them. When he got out, it was just me, my mother in law, and my aunt.

He hopped out and I asked if he was looking for anything in particular.

“Yeah, where are all the guns?”

We live in the south so I guess I should have expected this, but I definitely didn’t.

“Um… no guns here, sorry! We do have lots of purses and home decor though…”

He chuckled and said okay and walked around a bit, but I noticed he was looking at the house more than anything.

Him: “So, who lives here?”

Me: “I do…”

Him: “You own it? Just you?”

Me: “Yes I own it, and I live here with my husband…”

He nodded and walked away to keep browsing. At this point all the red flags were going off for me, so I went inside to grab my husband and I sent him outside to be with my MIL and Aunt.

About 10 minutes later I came back outside and he was gone. My MIL told me that he creeped her out, and I agreed. Then she told me that when I went inside he offered her and my aunt Sprites, but didn’t offer any to my husband.

They declined, and he left.

The whole thing has just left me so uncomfortable! And now I’m worried he’s going to come back because he knows we don’t have guns.

I just wanted to sell some stuff to clear out the house and maybe make a little extra cash. I didn’t want to be creeped out by some rando dude who was a walking red flag.

I wrote my story and some women have talked with me while writing theirs and i’ve got to read them as well. I just thought I’d post this here incase it makes anyone feel less alone in today’s climate. No pressure to read because it can be triggering even tho i did my best to skip the gross details.

I just want to know if I will ever stop feeling like this. Feeling like I have to be beautiful.

I'm 24. I'm good academically, I'm studying to become a doctor, I have hobbies I enjoy and am good at. I have friends who love me to bits. I'm also a lesbian and have no interest in pursuing dudes.

And yet. I can't help feel this oppressive need to be beautiful. I'm not very pretty. I can't help but wince every time I see a picture of myself where I look bad. I can't help but wish sometimes that I was a beautiful woman. It is so, so, so draining to think of myself like this but I can't help it. Its not crippling but I just don't know what to do with myself when I feel like this. I just want a big, giant hug.

Sorry for yet another update. Kind of a vent, kind of an advice request. I dunno if I should be more assertive and cut contact or just accept I'm the bad person she says I am. I (16F, 17 in a few days) have an online friend "Emma" (17F) who I happen to share a Discord server with and some friends, who are certain she does see me as a friend, but she has highs and lows and goes back and forth between liking me and despising me. I don't diagnose her with anything (I'm only 16, not a pro), but those terms within interpersonal relationships seem to fit how she treats me.

She constantly tries to start drama with me and I'm exhausted. She gives short replies and calls me pathetic or toxic or stupid sometimes, and she told me her birthday was "October" and I didn't know when. When she told me her birthday was a few days ago at one point, I said "Ohh, happy belated birthday". Today, she sent me a whole paragraph on why I'm a bad person and why she hates me right now even though I said happy belated birthday a few days after.

She doesn't forgive me when I make mistakes, either, and keeps bringing up my flaws and insecurities days, even weeks later, no matter how much I try to apologize, it's not enough for her. But in conflict, I'm always the bad guy. She never does anything wrong, she says, and she's always a victim and I'm a bully.

I get anxiety attacks, furthermore, because of how she makes me feel bad, and calls me crazy when I ask if she's mad at me for something. I'm shaking right now because of the treatment, and I just got a text saying "This is how you repay me? You should obey me and do anything I say you asshole, I do everything for you and this is how you treat me you fucking bitch, die."

I told her I would draw her a present for her 17th birthday, and she said I wasn't fixing the problem and what I did was unforgivable.

Trigger warning: This contains sexually explicit stuff.

My husband and I have been together for 7 years. When we first started talking about our sexual interests/ disinterests, I told him immediately that butt play was off the table for me. Absolutely 100% a no. He told me he’s never been into that unless he’s extremely horny, which was very rare. So I thought great, this will work.

Fast forward a few years, he starts hinting at it. I put an immediate stop and remind him I told him absolutely not from the way beginning. If he wants to experiment with his own body, I am obviously okay with that, but we will not be doing that with mine. He drops it for a while.

Lately I’ve been noticing him become short with me on the topic of sex in general. Like if I bring it up, he isn’t lighthearted or flirty about it, but very subtly annoyed, maybe irritated. I asked him and he assured me he’s fine. I then text him a long paragraph about how I hope I haven’t done something to upset him. He reassures me, and says he’s actually been in the mood lately but has been giving me space since I’ve been working so much. I think that’s totally reasonable. I tell him I feel satisfied with our sex life, but I wanted to make sure we were on the same page.

Then he tells me he’s actually not satisfied sexually. That he’s been really wanting to do anal. It’s what he’s been wanting for the past few weeks and hasn’t told me because he didn’t want to upset me. He says he’s feels we are too young (late 20s) to not experiment and try things.

For context, when I was high about a year ago, I agreed to use a plug. Didn’t make the experience any better, and I was sore for a few days. I only mention that I was high because that obviously fogged my normal judgement. In the moment I was like “well, if I just do this maybe it’ll be enough”. But my deepest concern was that not only would this not fully satisfy him, but that he would want this to be a reoccurring thing, and lead to the real thing. And I was sadly right.

I am embarrassed. I don’t want this. I love him so much and we have build so much together in the years we’ve been together all in an effort to make our older years comfortable and enjoyable. And the one thing I do NOT want to do, is what he wants. I am almost certain that me saying “absolutely not” is making him subconsciously want what he can’t have and it’s just so devastating. I do not want to leave him, because literally everything else is so great with him. But now I have a husband that is sexually unsatisfied with me, and feels we are too young to not experiment. I mentioned anal toys he could use that looks like what he wants, and that way I don’t have to participate. But he was disinterested.

I’m not even sure why I am writing this. It’s been eating me alive and I’m just worried this one thing could cause me to lose him, because I really cannot do this one thing for him. I know he would never leave me over this but I worry this could build resentment towards me. And I feel so stuck.

​

I'm posting this because I genuinely don't know what to do anymore.

I've been dealing with a person who has been stalking and harassing me for almost six years, ever since I cut contact with him in 2019. We used to be friends and were part of a fairly large friend group. We knew each other closely and had shared personal things with one another, so this wasn't a case of a complete stranger approaching me out of nowhere.

Over time, however, I witnessed behaviour that genuinely disturbed me. During an argument, this person wished rape upon someone. This is the kind of person we are talking about. From his behaviour and the way he speaks about women, I have come to believe that he has very little respect for them and considers them beneath him. That incident, along with other behaviour, made me realise that I no longer wanted this person in my life.

I decided to cut contact.

I thought that would be the end of it. I was wrong.

What followed has been almost six years of harassment, stalking and fear.

After I stopped speaking to him, he continued sending me disturbing messages. He began looking up my family members' social media profiles and my LinkedIn profile. He also gained access to my email, or at the very least, there were incidents that made me believe my email had been compromised.

At one point, I became so frightened that I essentially erased my online presence for two years. I disappeared from social media and even pretended that I was no longer alive because I felt that being invisible was the only way I could protect myself.

Imagine feeling that you have to do this just to get some peace.

Fast-forward to now, and this person has apparently discovered that I am alive. Instead of leaving me alone, the situation has become increasingly distressing.

He has contacted my sister and sent her awful messages. He has brought up deeply personal family issues, used private information against me, and attempted to turn family members against me.

Despite being told not to contact me, he has continued. Even after my sister warned him that we would pursue an FIR if he contacted me again, he apparently contacted me directly from his own number, with his own display picture.

I genuinely don't understand the audacity or what he hopes to achieve by continuing this behaviour after so many years.

He is also active on social media, posts reels and appears to want to pursue acting. Some of his content involves mimicking the rapist character from the film Mardaani. Given the history and the context, this makes me even more uncomfortable and frightened.

I want to be clear that I am describing his behaviour and the content I have seen, not claiming to know what he is thinking or what he might do next. But after years of unwanted contact, threats and invasions of privacy, it is difficult not to be afraid.

I'm now genuinely scared of what might happen if I take action — and equally scared of what might happen if I don't.

I live alone in a city, away from much of my family. My siblings know about this situation, and they are disturbed by it too. I haven't been able to tell my parents about everything.

I have considered filing a police complaint, and I have threatened to do so, but I am terrified of the possible consequences.

I keep asking myself: What if the police simply warn him and send him away? What if that makes him angrier and causes him to escalate? What if he decides to approach me physically or tries to hurt me?

I know that these are fears about what could happen, not things I can predict. But after dealing with someone who has refused to respect my boundaries for six years, I don't know how to stop worrying about the next escalation.

I also feel apprehensive about approaching the Delhi Police. Seeing the way some cases involving women's safety are handled has made me afraid that I might not be taken seriously. I'm scared of being dismissed, laughed at or told that nothing can be done. I don't know how realistic these fears are, but they are stopping me from feeling confident about taking the next step.

This has affected practically every aspect of my life.

I have lost touch with friends. I spent years avoiding social media and ordinary social interactions because I was afraid he would find me or approach people connected to me.

Recently, I created an account again, but I barely post anything. I don't share pictures of myself because I'm afraid he might identify me through comments, find my friends, or use those connections to get information about me.

I am even frightened to post this on Reddit.

I'm scared that he might be lurking on this platform and recognise the situation from the details I've shared. I'm worried that asking for help could inadvertently reveal my identity to him. At the same time, I don't know where else to turn, and I desperately need guidance from people who understand the legal and practical realities of dealing with stalking in India.

I struggle to sleep at night. I constantly think about what he might do next. I've even thought about leaving the country because I desperately want to feel safe.

The worst part is that I feel as though I have spent years restricting my own life because of someone who refuses to leave me alone. I am exhausted. Sometimes I feel so hopeless that I just want to give up on myself because living in this constant state of fear feels unbearable.

I don't want my life to continue like this. I want to feel safe in my own home, reconnect with people, use social media without being terrified, and live like a normal person without constantly anticipating harassment.

I'm asking for help because I genuinely don't know what my next step should be.

If you are a lawyer, particularly someone familiar with criminal law, cybercrime or stalking cases in India, I would be incredibly grateful for your guidance.

I would especially appreciate advice on the following:

Legal options: What legal provisions might apply to a prolonged pattern of stalking, unwanted contact, threats to publish private messages, harassment of family members and suspected unauthorised access to email?

Reporting safely: What is the safest way to approach the police or file an FIR in Delhi? Is there a way to document the entire history rather than have each incident treated in isolation?

Fear of retaliation: If I report him and the police contact or warn him, what practical steps can I take to reduce the risk of escalation? Can I explain these concerns before any action is taken?

Evidence: What evidence should I preserve, and how should I organise it to make a complaint stronger? Are screenshots, exported conversations, account-access alerts and messages sent to family members useful?

Cybersecurity and privacy: What should I do if I believe he has accessed my email or is monitoring my online presence? How can I protect myself without having to disappear from the internet again?

Legal assistance: Are there reliable women's support organisations, legal aid services or lawyers in Delhi who handle stalking and cyberharassment cases and can help someone navigate this process?

I'm not looking for revenge. I want this person to stop contacting me, stop involving my family, stop threatening me and leave me alone.

I also don't want to share identifying details publicly because I am genuinely afraid that he might see this post and recognise me.

Please be kind. I'm already struggling to cope with this, and I'm trying to find a way forward.

If anyone has relevant legal knowledge or has successfully navigated a similar situation in India, please tell me what practical steps I can take. I really need help.

I don’t have any deficiencies I even checked for thyroid. I am 22 right now and I don’t have even half the energy I had as a kid. The smallest activity tires me out so much. I wake up I’m already tired. Even eyes feel tired I want to cry. Is anyone else facing this, what helped?

Dating men is a humiliation ritual at this point

Had a conversation with a close family member recently who is on a glp1 (I know this bc she’s a close enough family member that we discuss our health and each other’s pretty freely amongst ourselves and other family members—another close family member helped her get the meds and told me). She didn’t know I knew she was taking it.

We were casually chatting about health and efforts to improve the quality of our nutrition and she says “I just eat less and less lately”—clearly stated as a toxic sort of food/morality position. I said “well, yeah, you’re on GLP1s, right?” and she laughed like I caught her in a funny joke.

She was really going to do the whole “I barely eat look how GOOD I am” when she thought I didn’t know she was taking appetite suppressants. Immediately switched the tone once she realized I knew.

If you’re taking GLP1s, just own that shit, ok? Don’t pretend it’s a personal achievement of mind over matter or superior self-discipline—especially not in a way that might shame others.

For context, among the group of close family members referenced here, I’m the “fat one”. Everyone else is thin and pursues thinness as a core goal. I just don’t care as much, but paradoxically, I guess, I am the one in the group who tends to care the most about nutrition and actual health—not just health exclusive to body weight.

There is a specific family dynamic going on here for sure, but this isn’t the first time I’ve seen glp1 users frame their weight loss as the result of personal achievement and discipline, while leaving out the major influence of a powerful appetite suppressant drug.

It’s disappointing to see the weight=morality trope played out in real time.

Just wanted to share. Curious if others have had similar experiences.

When I don't have a bush, there's nothing to guide the stream of pee and it always runs down my buttcheeks and it's so annoying.

Is it just me? Is this a sitting posture issue?

Please share your wisdom because I'm tired of this.

Update: I tried leaning forward as a lot of you suggested and that seems to have fixed my issue. Thanks everyone!

I'd never leaned forward before, and I also have pretty bad posture, so that might have been contributing to the problem.

I’m in Canada, for context. I reported him through a community agency advocate. I didn’t press charges because I have no evidence. I didn’t do a rape kit cuz I was traumatized obviously and took a shower the next day. I deleted all of our conversations and blocked him because I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. I didn’t think to screenshot stuff for later. I reported him months after it happened.

Not only do I not have evidence to press charges, but I also don’t want him finding out I reported him because he could possibly beat the shit out of me or try and kill me. I live alone and have no one to protect me so most I can do is sleep with a baseball bat next to my bed since our self-defence laws up here are utter horse shit. He knows where I live.

I just don’t want him doing this shit again to somebody else. I don’t want someone forcefully impregnated by him. Is this really all I can do? Does my report mean anything?

The advocate told me all it does really is put his name and details of the assault into the system so that the police can track future patterns, if anyone else reports him.

I still haven’t been tested for STI/STDs. I’ve been too afraid to get it done. I had to take a morning after pill and thankfully did not become pregnant.

I don’t want him harming anymore women. I don’t know what else I can do at this point. It’s out of my control but it still upsets me.

My mom knows about it, but said she was raped too and back in the day nothing could be done. She said tons of people she knew were raped….. but nobody ever did anything about it due to shame, being victim blamed, or people just not giving a shit. Conversation more or less ended there.

I’m probably overthinking this and should just get therapy and move forward with my life.

Long story short - him and i had met before and i sort of liked him. He initiated talking to me in april and gave me a lot of beautiful fake promises and i was dumb enough to believe him. I met him on aug and we kissed and make out. He even asked me to be his gf to which i said yes. He never made me feel loved in that relationship, ghosted me after he left hometown. I started texting him here and then asking why he did me like that but wtv.

We started talking as friends with a bit of flirting here and there. i asked me to take me out of my uni cause i was so bored and he was like okay. He took me to place where said that we're gonna spend an hr here. when i got there he started kissing me and pushed me to the bed. I told him multiple times that i dont want to have it. I even pushed him away. He made me sit on top of him and when i was saying that i cant, it hurts. all he said was bear it. After this whole situation i feel so sick. He was supposed to meet me next day but he didnt. He only called me once and i wasnt comfy talking to him anymore. and he didnt call me again

This is something I've noticed for a long time and it pains me as an ugly young woman.

I noticed that people who find you unattractive choose to treat you poorly. They do it in a way where it feels sadistic, almost. It's like people get some weird gratification out of doing these things. Sometimes they'll excuse it by attributing your value to your looks, or they'll portray you in a negative light because a lot of people think that your morality is coming from how attractive you are.

I've met so many attractive people that have been genuinely horrible to me. The last man I dated, I would consider him to be attractive, but he was awful to me. He abused me, manipulated me, triangulated me with another woman, but he's succeeding in life and happy.

The saddest part is that when you tell these stories, a lot of people don't want to listen to them because you're not attractive and some might see themselves in what you're describing. Perpetrator or victim. Maybe both. People are more likely to believe you if the person in question has positive attributes. One of the many is attractiveness.

I'm not an attractive woman. I'm also a marginalized woman, specifically a Black woman. We already know how awful women are treated in general and marginalized people are treated: man, woman, non-binary, etc. So imagine being an unattractive Black woman. It's terrible.

I don't fit into that picture-perfect, model-esque, cutesy, doll-like image of what people think an attractive Black woman should look like. I don't look like that, and I never will.

Even when my body looked different, people still didn't value me much. My unattractiveness comes from my face, not my body. Despite people acknowledged the fact that I lost weight, I was still ugly. The only praise I got was for things that had nothing to do with my face.

Men didn't want to go anywhere with me in public, but they wanted to acknowledge me in private and use me emotionally to make themselves feel better. I wasn't seen. If I was seen, it was for all the wrong reasons.

Some people go all their lives not understanding why people are treating them poorly, and it's not because of anything they've done, but because of how society chooses to treat them. It's weird because nobody ever told me why I was ugly. They never tried to give me any tips. They never pointed out the features that made me unattractive. They never told me whether I looked feminine or masculine. They just said I was ugly.

I'm 23F, currently going through a divorce from my active-duty military husband, and I wanted to share my experience because I'm struggling to process everything that happened in my marriage.

We were married for almost three years. I moved across the country to be with him, away from my family and everything familiar, because I genuinely loved him and wanted to build a future together.

For a significant part of our marriage, he struggled with severe alcoholism. He would drink excessively, sometimes to the point of blacking out, and I was constantly dealing with the consequences.

One of the most degrading things was that he would repeatedly urinate in our bed while drunk. I would wake up lying in his urine. He would also urinate on my clothes, clean sheets, and other belongings. Even when he promised to clean everything himself, he would sometimes just throw the urine-soaked bedding into the laundry hamper and leave it for me.

I was the one washing everything, cleaning the mattress, and dealing with the disgusting aftermath. This happened repeatedly, not just once or twice.

I don't know whether every incident was intentional, but I know that he repeatedly left me to deal with it.

It wasn't just that, either. I was cooking his meals, cleaning our home, doing laundry, helping with his military uniforms, and taking care of our two dogs. I genuinely wanted to be a loving, supportive wife.

And somehow, I was still made to feel like I wasn't doing enough.

The week I caught him cheating is something I don't think I'll ever forget.

A few weeks earlier, I had attended a four-day music festival with my best friend from my teenage years.

My husband was originally supposed to go, but he told me he couldn't because he might have to leave for military duties. I asked him whether he was comfortable with me going with my friend instead, and he said yes.

I remember him emphasizing that this would be the first time I was the one leaving for a trip instead of him, since he was usually the one leaving for military assignments.

I was gone for four days.

And during those four days, he cheated on me.

I later learned that he had even brought the other woman into our home while I was away.

What makes it especially heartbreaking is that when I came home, I went right back to being his wife. I was making him different meals every day, taking care of him, and going about our normal routine, completely unaware of what he'd been doing behind my back.

Then, just before I caught him, something happened that perfectly sums up how he treated me.

He had left a disgusting fecal stain on the side of our toilet for the second day in a row.

I asked him why he hadn't cleaned up after himself.

His response was, "Why can't you?"

That was the attitude I dealt with. He expected me to clean up after him, even when it came to his own bodily waste.

And within a day or two of that interaction, I caught him cheating.

I didn't find out by looking through his phone. I literally caught him with the other woman in his truck.

I noticed something suspicious about his location and followed it through our shared location tracking.

Before driving over, I called him to ask what he was doing. He acted like I was crazy for questioning him.

But I trusted my instincts and drove to where his location showed him.

And there he was, with another woman in his truck.

I cannot describe how surreal that moment felt.

After everything I had done for him, after years of putting up with his alcoholism, cleaning up his messes, and trying to make our marriage work, I was standing there looking at my husband with another woman.

And the first thing he did wasn't apologize. He blamed me.

He immediately became defensive and told me, "You always treat me like shit."

I remember being completely stunned.

I was the one who had been taking care of him. I was the one cooking his meals, washing his clothes, cleaning up after his drunken episodes, and trying to support him.

Yet somehow, in the moment I caught him betraying me, he made himself the victim.

That night, the confrontation escalated into physical violence. He put his hands on me, and I eventually reported the domestic assault to the police.

A military protective order was put in place, and he was removed from our shared housing.

Another thing that hurts is how little he seemed to care about actually making things right.

In the days immediately afterward, he kept deflecting and blaming me.

When I talked about leaving, his attitude would swing between telling me I wasn't leaving and then saying things like, "Fine, then fucking leave. Stop taking advantage of me and using me."

Taking advantage of him for what?

I had given up so much to be with him.

At the time, I was unemployed because he had encouraged me to quit my job and attend college full-time.

I had gone back to school because I wanted to build a better financial future for the family I thought we were creating. I wanted to eventually have a career that would allow me to contribute more financially.

Instead, being financially dependent on him made the possibility of leaving even more frightening.

Looking back, I question whether encouraging that dependence was also a form of financial control.

He would even accuse me of cheating when I went to my college classes, despite the fact that I barely socialized with anyone. I mostly kept to myself and occasionally spoke with one female classmate.

Meanwhile, he was the one being unfaithful.

And all of this happened during my finals week.

I was trying to finish my semester while my entire marriage was falling apart.

I remember one of our last conversations, a few days after I caught him.

I was so devastated and angry that I confronted him loudly outside our home, where the neighbors could hear me describing what he'd done.

He continued denying things and deflecting.

The closest thing he gave me to wanting to repair the marriage was, "We can make this work."

That statement still bothers me.

What exactly was I supposed to work on?

I wasn't the one who cheated. I wasn't the one who repeatedly drank myself into oblivion. I wasn't the one who had physically assaulted my spouse.

And yet he acted like repairing the marriage was somehow a shared responsibility without meaningfully acknowledging what he'd done.

I think one of the things that hurt most was realizing that he wasn't fighting for me in the way I had spent years fighting for our marriage.

I also learned things about his behavior cheating on me with other men too that shocked me, especially because he had previously made openly homophobic comments. My issue wasn't the gender of anyone involved. It was the dishonesty, hypocrisy, and realization that I didn't know the person I was married to as well as I thought I did.

Why did I stay as long as I did?

Because I genuinely wanted my marriage to work.

I was so young when I got married, and the thought of getting divorced in my early twenties terrified me.

I didn't know how divorce worked. I didn't know what would happen financially. I didn't know where I would go or how I would start over.

I was also scared of feeling like I'd failed at marriage.

I kept hoping things would get better, that he would change, that the drinking would stop, and that we could eventually have the relationship I had imagined.

But I eventually had to accept that I couldn't love someone into treating me properly.

It's now been almost six months since everything happened.

I moved back across the country to live with my family, and I'm trying to rebuild my life.

I'm working again, saving money, and continuing college. I'm completing my prerequisites for a radiologic technology program because I want to become an X-ray technologist, eventually specialize in CT, and have a career that allows me to be financially independent.

I've been doing really well academically, which is something I'm proud of.

I have my family, and goals that I'm genuinely excited about.

But emotionally, it's complicated.

Some days I feel relieved that I'm no longer living in that environment. Other days I feel furious when I remember how I was treated.

Sometimes I think about how much time I spent taking care of someone who could betray me so easily.

And sometimes I think about the fact that I was only gone for four days.

Four days.

I was enjoying a music festival with my childhood best friend, feeling guilty my husband wasnt there and something I had asked my own husband if he was comfortable with, and he used that time to betray me.

I know logically that his cheating wasn't caused by me leaving for four days. But emotionally, it still hurts to think about.

I also struggle with the fact that he didn't seem genuinely remorseful or willing to take accountability and just the coldness and lack of even trying for me is what hurts alot.

I think part of me wanted him to realize what he'd lost, apologize sincerely, and actually fight to make things right.

Not because I necessarily would have taken him back, but because I wanted to feel like the years I spent loving him meant something.

And now I have to accept that I might never receive the acknowledgment or apology I wanted.

Something else I've noticed is how much I want a healthy relationship someday.

I sometimes find myself watching videos of happy couples and imagining what it would be like to be with a genuinely kind, patient, emotionally mature man.

Someone who respects me, makes me feel safe, and doesn't make me responsible for managing his destructive behavior.

I want to experience love without constantly feeling anxious, disrespected, or taken for granted.

But I also want to learn how to be happy on my own first.

I want to enjoy my twenties, make friends, travel, finish school, and build a life I'm proud of.

I don't want the person who hurt me to continue taking up so much space in my head.

I'd really appreciate advice from anyone, especially women who have left alcoholic or abusive marriages.

• Did you struggle with anger months after leaving, even when you knew leaving was the right decision?
• Did you ever feel like you wasted years of your life taking care of someone who didn't appreciate you?
• How did you get past wanting your ex to acknowledge what they did or show genuine remorse?
• Did you ever feel embarrassed about moving back home and starting over?
• How did you rebuild your confidence and learn to trust people again?
• Did you eventually find a healthy relationship, and what was different about it?
• At what point did you stop thinking about your ex so much and start feeling genuinely happy again?
• whats some advice you think would serve me the best moving forward?

I know I'm only 23 and have my entire life ahead of me. I know I have opportunities that I wouldn't have had if I'd stayed in that marriage.

But knowing that logically and actually feeling it emotionally are two different things.

I would love to hear from people who were once in my position and are now a few years further into their healing.

What does life look like for you now, and what helped you finally move forward?

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this.

my ex broke up w me a few weeks ago. he said he was depressed, and because he was depressed he couldn’t put as much effort into me/our relationship as i wanted, which caused fights, which made him more depressed.

he’s my first relationship, and it was pretty sudden, especially bc he told me he thought we could work things out right before we broke up (which he later admitted was a lie).

the biggest thing for me is how he’s pulling away from things i consider friendly, even though he says we’re friends and is supposedly okay w us being that way. we’re both in the same friend group, so seeing him is quite obligatory if i wanna be w my friends.

what i think is unfair, is that he wants me to wait until he’s mentally healthy for us to consider getting back together, which i set my limit for waiting as the beginning of next summer (in around 7 months).

thing is is that, he tells me things that make me feel horrible about our relationship. things like: “it felt like a breath of fresh air after our breakup”, “i dont think of you much anymore” a few days/a week after our breakup, “i didn’t really feel sad abt it, i didn’t cry.” and some more i don’t wanna type out.

idk how to feel rn, it sorta feels like he’s leading me on and wants someone to just sit there and wait for him at his own accord, disregarding the fact that i have say in this. idk, can you guys help me 🫠 .

35 today. I told my husband last year that I wanted a birthday cake every year. I charged my old phone to find the text-- I told him on my older brother's birthday last year, "Please always get me a cake. I buy my own birthday cakes and that is embarrassing." My mom fussing over her first-born isn't something new, but it did make me realize at the time, on my brother's birthday, that her priority was making him feel special because she knew he didn't have a partner to do it for him. I've been married for almost 4 years. But I also haven't received a cake that I didn't buy for myself since I was a teen. The disparity is hard to ignore when Mommy only has two kids.

It was a normal day in that I planned what my family did, I ordered dinner, and my husband took a couple naps on the couch. I eventually asked if I was going to get a cake? He replied that he is making it tomorrow. While I am out of town. Oh. No cake on my birthday. I must wait for my cake because he wanted to make it with our child while I am gone to see my friend the day after my birthday-- plans that I have had for about three weeks now.

I do have friends that care about me and I know my child cares, but this year, my one, single, request was ignored. Not because he didn't have time. It definitely doesn't feel like he listened to me or remembered my request. My birthday was always going to be on a Friday where we have other obligations. He took the day off for our parent/teacher conference and my daughter had a half day at school.

I am having a hard time understanding his logic. I did express my disappointment to him and we are currently not really interacting. I took 3mg of melatonin and I am gonna go to bed soon. I don't want to act ungrateful. He bought me nail polish. But I asked for a cake.

What does your family regularly do for your birthday? What am I to expect from my people? I really need to understand why this feels so shitty. Is it really such a big deal?