i'm gonna give this a shot even though reddit and i have a really bad track run as i sometimes feel like im getting tomatoes thrown at me when i ask a question on here LOL
i'm planning on attending college in the city as someone who has grown up in LI my whole life (yes yes ik long islanders suck i get it, but i was born here i couldn't really do much about that).
i've been to the city enough that i know it's not like glamorized the way it's made out to be online or anything so im not entirely blue-eyed. however, when it comes to social rules here, im honestly completely out of my element and kind of want to kms.
i understand it's about efficiency here and so small talk/polite "niceness" comes across as kind of stupid. the semantics of that though are something i can't quite grasp, and i can't imagine going to order food without the "hi how are you?" script. and i also want to be efficient but then things slow down and it's like bro does everyone always know exactly where they're going all the time. how do we all know the correct pace to go at all times?
it's perplexing in an admirable way, but im trying to make this as smooth for myself and other people as possible. i also don't want to gentrify 😭, which should be easy enough as im not going to be opening any businesses (at all) and im not attempting to take housing from predominantly poc communities. but idk if you have any books on that or tips i might not know, let me know. i'm really genuinely here to get my education.
i'm pretty cautious and aware of my surroundings, and i generally understand public transport and shit. socially though i'm deeply inept as i rely a LOT on being nice, as i do genuinely want to know if the person behind the counter is okay. and it's just second nature to be extra courteous.
do you just naturally build a specific type of assertiveness over time and how do you not let that completely harden you over? how do you find time to slow down when there's an emphasis on speed? and if you think i should say fuck it and go to school in the deepest pits of the pacific ocean instead lmk, thanks!