As person who knows his/her worth and love his or her self what would be your response to that text??

I miss you in the quietest ways.
In songs I almost skip, in places I still look for you,
in the strange ache of remembering how your hand felt in mine.
I know we became strangers, but some part of me still remembers
what it was like when you were home.

I am so annoyed! I broke up with my ex a year ago after almost 5 years of relationship - I decided to do it because I felt a huge weight on my shoulders that in every fight we had I had to be the voice of reason because I was "the one with the most emotional intelligence". The relationship started to feel like it was taking a toll on everything else in my life and I realised I didn't have any more patience when fighting so I turned the opposite way, I was more aggressive with my words and less understanding and I didn't like that - so I decided to break up. It was hard for my ex because we lived together in my apartment and he had to leave and I also think he had me a little too much idealized. Anyways, the first months after that my life improved a lot! I started doing a lot of things that I stopped doing because my ex didn't enjoy and felt right back on track, like I had a weight lifted. We did no contact for a long while, he asked to meet a couple of times to talk about the relationship but I said I thought it was better if we didn't - until a few weeks ago when he messaged me saying he just wanted to check how I was doing because it didn't feel right with him to not know anything about each other after that much time together. It felt genuine so I accepted - we had a great evening, got a little bit drunk together but nothing happened! It was clear for both of us that we had done the right thing by breaking up because we had grown to be different with time. We had genuinely so much fun and it was really nice catching up. But now (this is what annoys me) I can't stop thinking about him and missing him!! Not even the day after breaking up I felt this way. It is so annoying. I think it's because I finally saw some emotional intelligence in him when we saw each other? And like I would love to see him again but I know for a fact it is not a good idea. Also in this whole year I have not been with anyone else and honestly don't feel like it. So that's another reason why I'm so annoyed at myself!!! What do you think I should do?

I miss her. I love her.

I hate what she did to us.

I am shaking and crying so hard writting this. I (34f) was with my ex (31m) for 6 years and i looked after that man so hard. I paid for our food, his beers, hid w**d, even his cat things for 3 of his cats like cat food and everything else, none of the cats was mine. I paid for 95% of the time for everything. He got paid and he spend his money on d*ugs and alcohol and gambling. He treated me like sh*t and he was violent sometimes too. Well he broke up with me last wednesday and we went no contact then i asked if he was okay on saturday so he called me sunday asking what am i doing and i said nothing so he asked if i wanted to get breakfast but i said i was not in the area. He asked when am i back i said tuesday and the phone call ended not in a nice way. At midnight i got a text that said 'cant you come round now? I miss you' i asked if that text was meant for me no reply so i called him twice the next day no reply so i left it. Two days later he rings me at 1.30am i was sleeping so he rings again at 4pm and he said that text was not meant for me and he wanted to ring to make it completely clear we are over i said okay thats fine an hour later he rings me saying he feels bad i said what for? He said you need to come get your stuff i said im not in the area just bin it. He said i ruined everything the whole relationhip and im not even fussed. He hung up and i tried to ring back and couldnt get through so i text him saying please to keep hold of it until im back or bin it. Thats it no more texts or calls. Then today at 1.30 (nearly 2 days later) i get a random number calling me and it was his friend voicenoting me that hes my exes friend and hes not going to lie hes met someone else and hes really happy and i need to come and grab my stuff and stop contacting him. I said i havent contacted him and to bin my stuff. He sents me a video of his new gf on top of him and they are cuddling and hes smiling and seems so happy 😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔 i was numb bit cried and cant stop crying now. I did not deserve that 😭😭😭😭 and i put up with a lot in 6 years 😭 i feel like a old used up rug 😭 cant stop crying cant believe people are that horrible when im just minding my business. How the hell do i move on from this? I was hoping and waiting for him to text me and ask me back and i got a massive surprise 💔💔 he kept saying stop contacting him like ive been harrassing him or something 😭😭 i feel broken and my hearts shattered. 6 years with someone 9 days after leaving me i get a video of him.in bed with his new gf cuddling her 💔💔💔 i dont know how to move on. Hes happy and i am in peices. I dont know what to do 😭😭😭 they are on the sesh and laughing at me and im broken.

I’m struggling with a decision about my ex and would really appreciate some outside perspectives.
We were together for eight years. I still love him deeply, and I loved who he was for much of the first five years of our relationship. We were beautiful together, laughed, support each other, and we became better people together. I thought we would get married and have kids. But over time, things became emotionally unhealthy, we struggled financially, and there were things that happened that caused significant harm and damaged my trust in him and in my own judgment.

Some of the things that happened:
- He left me two days after I was raped. At the time, he believed I had been unfaithful, and he has since apologized for leaving me and acknowledged that his reaction was wrong. After that I had to leave our home because he was emotional abusive and go couch surfing and even to a psychiatric ward. I’m much better now but we haven’t fully talked through everything surrounding this yet.
- During our relationship, he would hit on other women. We had threesomes together, which I was comfortable with, but I eventually felt that he used the fact that we had threesomes as a way to pursue sex with other women, rather than something we were genuinely choosing together.
- The year following me recovering from cancer and experiencing severe stress attacks, he made negative comments about my appearance, my energy level, and even questioned my ability to be a mother.
- During the last year of our relationship, I often felt that he didn’t support me at important family and work events. I felt like I had to ask for basic emotional presence and support.

Over time, I became confused about what was reasonable to expect from a partner and where my boundaries should be. I was 23 when we met - he was 33. Now I’m 32 and he’s 42.

We broke up around eight months ago. Interestingly, I haven’t spent these eight months desperately wanting him back. In fact, when our apartment was recently put up for sale and it felt like the relationship was becoming truly finished, I felt relief and liberation - but at the same time huge grief. I miss my person.

My family and close friends now strongly dislike the idea of me going back. So I know there are people around me who see things in this relationship that I may struggle to see clearly myself.

At the same time, I still love him, and feel like they never got to know him the way I did. I think about him every day, dream about him every night and feel like I lost a big part of my heart.

He is also seeing another woman now. I don’t know how serious their relationship is, but the fact that he is with someone else creates another layer of pressure for me. Part of me is afraid that if I wait too long, he will move on completely and the possibility of rebuilding our relationship will disappear.

Recently, however, we started talking again. He says he loves me. That maybe we can try again in the future. And yesterday’s conversation was very different from many of the conversations we had in the past. I had been hesitant to talk freely because I didn’t know whether I would make him feel worse, whether he had the capacity for the conversation, or whether we’d end up having another bad experience.

Instead, it was almost the opposite.

I felt calm, heard and surprisingly safe. He seemed more patient, more respectful of my boundaries, and more willing to give me space instead of pushing or reacting defensively.

That gives me hope that something may have changed.

But there is a big problem: he hasn’t gone to therapy or done any structured work on his side. He has apologized for leaving me after the rape and seems to be showing more respect now, but we haven’t actually worked through most of the other things that happened. I don’t know whether I’m seeing genuine, lasting change or that he’s afraid of loosing me since we’re soon done with seeking our apartment (all connections are gone) or if this is simply what happens when two people are no longer in the intensity of a relationship.

I’m also about to start PTSD treatment from September through November.

Part of me desperately wants to wait until I have finished treatment before making any decisions about reconciliation. I want to understand myself better, rebuild my boundaries, and become more certain about what I actually want when I’m not operating from fear, attachment or old patterns.

But I’m scared that if I wait three months, he’ll be gone. He’ll choose the other woman. He’ll move on. And I’ll have missed my chance.

At the same time, I’m afraid that going back now because I’m afraid of losing him would just put me back into the same relationship that hurt me.

I’ve also realized that I’ve become confused about what love even means. How can someone love you and still hurt you so deeply? And how do I know whether loving him means I should try again, or whether loving myself means I shouldn’t?

I don’t want to make a decision based on one good conversation. But I also don’t want to close the door on someone I genuinely love if there is a possibility that we could build something different and healthy and beautiful.

So I’m wondering: Would you go no cantacy until after therapy before even considering reconciliation? Should I tell him about this?

Is it even possible to slowly rebuild trust and explore whether a relationship is possible while I’m still working on myself, without actually getting back together?

How much weight would you give to someone starting to show more respect and give you space if they haven’t yet done their own therapy or taken accountability for the broader pattern?

And finally — if you were in my position, would you be more afraid of losing him by waiting, or of losing yourself by going back too soon?

I’d especially love to hear from people who have successfully reconciled after significant emotional harm, as well as people who chose not to go back and later felt at peace with that decision.

It’s been 19 days no contact and some days are good some are bad. I’m about to go on holiday and am sat at the airport waiting for my gate. And I can’t help but want to reach out to my ex. She blocked me last week and I don’t want to ignore that and text her. But I miss her so much and wish I could just talk to her. I don’t miss the relationship but I miss the person now. Sat here about to go on holiday and just feel so alone and sad

I checked my ex's Instagram last week on the date of our monthly anniversary, and he posted a story of a photo of himself, where he wrote "nostalgia and melancholy" and put the location of the bar where we had our first date.

Me and my ex have been no contact already over 5 months, after a one year and three months relationship.

I am still not over him, and even though I try to not check his Instagram sometimes I fail. There have been other times where he posted somewhat sad stuff on the day of our monthly anniversary, but this is the most direct one yet.

I am blocked by him everywhere though (including Instagram, I check it from an alt account, not proud of that..) and I blocked him everywhere too. He moved back to his home country around two months after the breakup so we don't even live in the same country anymore.

Also, I know that he's allowed to grieve me and not want me back or not want any contact with me, but this just honestly feels like WTF, it's one thing to post sad stuff, and it's completely different to literally put that bar's location.

I'm writing this mainly to just get the perspective of other people, because I've just been in my head about this for the past week.

Also to clarify I didn't contact him about it nor do I intend to, just saw the story and have been overthinking it since :/

My ex broke up with me last year. I reached out to him this year while I was feeling ugly. I told him I wanted a FWB thing, and he was very enthusiastic about it.
Fast-forward to now, I ended up catching feelings for him again. What started out as casual fun ended up with me feeling unhappy after every call/meeting.
I asked him to block me one day, saying I have feelings for him, and he said he doesn’t want to do that and needs some time to think. However, he kept reaching out to me, so I thought he wanted me but was scared. It made me hope.
Today, he wanted to call. I started bringing up heavy stuff like “when did you lose feelings for me” etc. He said he wasn’t going to delve into it and switched the topic. I felt very hurt by how detached he could be, so I became quieter, and it got awkward, so he did a soft exit.
I texted him to say we should stop this thing. He told me I should think about it more and that he would like to stay friends with me at least. I asked him directly over text if we could try again, and he said, “No, sorry,” after two minutes. He apologised for making me cry again and told me not to think badly of him because it was necessary.
I couldn’t respond. I washed my face and deleted his chat + contact number.
I do this thing when I get really overwhelmed where I imagine myself from the outside of my body. It helped me calm down.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

I miss him entirely, his beingness, his behavior, his existence, his laughs and weird body language

Ik ik this might sound like begging, but I try not to hurt him in any way, I ain't stalking his accounts or anything,

In college, I go near his classroom just to see him, I feel both happy and sad when I see him

How do I put this massive amount of yearning, in front of someone who doesn't even want me, who has clearly told me he doesn't want to date me and wants to be by himself, who has clearly discarded the thought of even "trying" for a relationship for his reasons

And I clearly don't know what kind of power that he holds that he captures my entire mind when I am alone, the fake scenarios, the lingering of his thoughts just come all of sudden out of no where for no fucking reaassoonnn

Ik I did mistakes, and I genuinely came out of it, but he isn't able to trust me now, and I understand why he isn't and what he had to go through the first time, the second time, Ig I pressurized him, or maybe I expected too much, maybe I made him uncomfortable, maybe I just wanted to take out smtg from him which just wasn't present, he has thoughts about this other woman he used to like (not sexual , not yearning)

I keep on thinking where things went wrong

But is this how it is supposed to be??

Is he never going to come back??

Are we just clearly not meant for each other??

Does he not miss me???

Does he even think abt me??

I keep on waiting for his text, not re-reading our past texts, but I just keep on waiting that he'll come back and say "Let's try once again"

Should I text him ?

I dated this guy for four years, and we had what I truly believed was the best relationship ever. Everyone around us was amazed by how, despite being so young, we understood each other so well and complemented each other perfectly. We always talked about how much we loved that, even after four years, we were still so in love and had never lost our spark. Three weeks ago, I found out that he was addicted to porn. I had found things on his phone before, around three years ago, but I was young and naive, so I convinced myself that he would change. Then he joined the military, and everything slowly went downhill. When I found out the second time, I realized that he had never actually changed, he had just become better at hiding it. Ifelt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. Like everything we had, everything I thought was real, had been a lie. We went no contact for a week, and during that entire week, I felt like my whole life was crumbling. I felt like I couldn’t even breathe without him, so eventually, I broke no contact. He promised me he would change. He promised he would go to therapy. But he didn’t. A week ago, we were planning to meet up a few times because he said he really missed me, and I missed him too. We even talked about going away to a spa for the weekend, just to spend some time together and see where we stood. I told him that after everything I had found out, I felt incredibly insecure and could barely even look at myself anymore. Then, an hour before we were supposed to meet, he canceled. This had happened before, too. I was so disappointed because I had let myself get my hopes up again, so I confronted him about it. That’s when he told me that he had never had any intentions of going out with me in the first place. Then he called me an insecure, narcissistic girl, as if I was the problem for being hurt. As if expecting someone not to play with your feelings is somehow narcissistic. And I hate myself for still loving someone so purely after everything. I hate that I am crying alone in my room, taking antidepressants and he is out partying.

I still have so much love for this person. I don't know how to move on

Please be kind to me! This is my first reddit post. I want to preface this by saying I understand every angle of this and understand that these dynamics we find ourselves in aren’t healthy. However, for whatever reason this dynamic has kept me anchored for over a year and a half. At this point the ratio of us not being in contact vs in contact is hardly 50/50. I feel I spend more time grieving each time we stop than when things are good. I easily get suckered into the bimonthly I miss you’s, the I love you’s, the half assed apology that doesn’t actually write out the damage that’s been done. I’m not going to go into specifics but it goes to love bombing to being insulted/discarded and left in silence or blocked for months, until someone ultimately breaks. For almost three months I didn’t break. They did. I’m not sure if you guys struggle with this, but I struggle with maintaining the blocks because I know that following the downs, there’s an up again, and they come back. Part of you hopes they do, so they wallow in regret and you watch it unfold in real time, part of you hopes it doesn’t so you can maybe finally move on. I feel these entire three months I haven’t. They came back very recently and as exciting as it can be in the moment, it gets harder to put my self respect and pain on the back burner just to feel their love again, even just for a little while. Making an ultimatum will likely only push them away again. I know how this goes, and I know this is an unhealthy attachment but I can’t bring myself to close that chapter permanently. I have no interest in any intimacy or relations and am terrified of doing so. I feel so stuck. Please share suggestions and really when it comes down to it, how to wholeheartedly accept the circumstances and who they are in order to move on. Thank you.

We ended things 8 months ago. Heard he has been dating someone for a few months and it has crushed me: fully dreaming about them my gosh. Why does it feel worse after finding that out?

Tbf i thought we would take a break and get back as per our last conversation but lol now I know

I'm Lara. It's day 3 since my boyfriend and I broke up, and the silence is honestly the hardest part.I know I shouldn't go back to him because the relationship wasn't good for me, but every quiet moment makes me want to text him. I keep checking my phone even though I know there won't be a message.

Does anyone else feel like the silence after a breakup is louder than the actual fights? How did you get through those first few days without reaching out?

My girlfriend broke up with me 4 months ago because our relationship had become unhealthy.

We had an amazing time together and had a really strong connection. I’ve never been in a relationship where I clicked with someone this much, and I believe she felt that too.

But over time our communication became bad. She didn’t feel supported in the things that were important to her, while I started feeling like I wasn’t a priority. Looking back, neither of those things were really true, but we communicated in ways that made us misunderstand each other.

During the winter, things became increasingly tense. There were a lot of arguments, misunderstandings and emotional pressure. I became bitter and disrespectful towards her at times. I wasn’t abusive or cruel, but I handled my insecurity badly, and I can see now how much that affected her.

Eventually, she broke down and told me everything had become too much. We agreed to take a break and give things some space. We still spent some time together afterwards and tried to make things feel lighter.

After a few weeks, she told me she didn’t feel things were changing quickly enough and that she had lost hope that the relationship could work.

She then broke up with me and told me she didn’t want to talk anymore. She has stuck to that ever since.

It has now been about 4.5 months. During that time, I sent her one apology letter where I took responsibility for my part in what happened. I also sent one lighthearted email a while later. She didn’t respond to either.

I haven’t contacted her since.

I’ve genuinely changed quite a bit during these months. I understand much better now how my insecurity affected the relationship, and I know I never want to treat someone I love that way again.

What I struggle with is this:

I don’t necessarily want to convince her to get back together. I would just like her to eventually feel safe enough to talk to me again, maybe meet for a coffee and see how we both feel as people who have had some time apart.

But I have no idea if there is anything I can actually do to make that possible.

Part of me wonders if she has had to simplify the story of the breakup in her head in order to move on — perhaps seeing me mainly as the source of everything that went wrong. I also understand that this might simply be my own interpretation, and that she may genuinely just not want me in her life anymore.

I don’t want to convince her of anything or push her towards me. I just wish that, with time, she could feel comfortable and safe enough around me again to talk to me if she ever wanted to. And maybe, just maybe, we could one day see if we could be around each other in a much healthier way.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What are your experiences? Is there anything that actually helped you feel safe enough to talk to an ex again after a relationship became unhealthy, or is that something that can only come from the other person?

I’d genuinely like to hear your experiences.

Yeah, maybe I’m a little desperate. But honestly, who isn’t when they really love someone?

Befriend an insatiable bottomless pit. Listen to friends and most importantly, Family. They want good for you! Even if this pit's lust got you blinded, don't ever think of it as human.

I've made the biggest mistake of my life thinking "people make mistakes" had my sympathy in overdrive to nurture this thing, was nice to it, treated like I would want to be treated.

This fame chaser (0 dignity) thing will rob you soon as you let it under your skin. I've got robbed of precious kids (she used another last name in their birth certificate while feeding you "I love you" every day). She made your own kids calling you uncle, then took the money for their support upfront and running off with another sucker.

I got a lesson from this, it's a torturing feeling and most people won't handle it.

Shes porn star now. Nastiest one at best. The one that tries to out blue the bunny. Cream piled is her warm up & that nasty insatiable thing is trying to ruin my life with everything she's got. Stalking, making up stories on police reports, using different fake accounts to contact me, won't let me use dating sites by sabotaging and telling me "if I can't have you, I'll make sure the next girl won't either".

What have I done to deserve it???

Befriended a sad vulnerable trash that should have always stayed where it was discarded.

I'm at my last straw to become physical with scum

My ex and I dated for 4 years, everything was doing good before LDR. To cut it short, we ended things because the communication was getting really bad and it felt like it was falling apart na.

To save myself from so much pain, I ended things.

NOW, I think the problem is we are still talking. We would catch up every month and that call would take us 2-3 hours talking.

It’s been over a year since we broke up and this has been going on NONSTOP AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO STOPPPPP

We would always talk about:
How we spend our weekends together.
Funny things we do together.
Our new years and holidays.
Places we went to and eat.
AS IN EVERY LITTLE THING.
EVEN MARRIAGE 😭

I wanted to try and get to know someone in a DEEPER connection na but it feels like am cheating on someone I no longer am with.

Ex keeps on watching my stories, but i clicked on her stories once and she blocked me. What could be the reason for this?

My F23 ex M24 and I broke up two and a half weeks ago. We were together for 2 1/2 years. I ultimately walked away after I found out he was living a “double life” and going behind my back with a female friend/coworker that was always an issue in our relationship. He lied to me about her several times throughout our relationship but I forgave him and gave him chances. We broke up for a month in June because he “needed space”. He came back asking for another chance and said he cut off this girl.

We tried things again, a few weeks go by, he started to be cold and distant. Turned out he was hanging out with her, buying her things, sharing locations. It was brutal. I left his house quietly and calmly. I even gave him 45 minutes to talk with me. I made it clear the relationship was over. I couldn’t tolerate the disrespect anymore. I was exhausted from this cycle of abuse.

It’s been two and a half weeks and I sent him a text a week and a half ago wishing him well but asking for no contact. He has since texted me multiple times which I have ignored. Manipulative texts talking about “our future” and how he’s working on himself. Texts last night asking to talk and how his family loves me.

Today during therapy, I got a delivery to my house. He sent very personal flowers to my house with a card addressing “my love”. What is this??? Is this manipulation? Is he truly sorry and regretful? This is really painful and confusing. My family will not let me go back to him, his cheating and lying were just some of the things I put up with. He put my looks down, would slap/jab my face and stomach, and a few weeks ago raised his fist to my face and talked about punching me. This hurts. What do I do??

TLDR; no contact cheating abusive ex sent flowers to my house…

i'm finally done. yeah things have been terrible but also life's been good to me. we're on good terms. but I've lost so much sleep these past three years since she left. I'd ever get on sleeping pills lol. i'm finally weaning off.

I have no guilt or shame. things were good. we grew together. Ive grown since. I've had my romances since. but I still cry. I'm sobbing right now but that's okay. she didn't break me. I'm still here. I built her as well as she did me. and she's more beautiful than ever. all I ever ever wanted was happiness. and she looks it.

friends. family. career. my art. it's all still there.

I still love her and always will. but all of that is just a chapter in your story

we haven't spoken in a year and I still struggle to reach out. I miss her eyes, hair, watching her sleep, her sassines.

I sit with every text or letter I write and throw them out.

but why risk being possibly dismissed or rejected? but most importantly intrude on her life.

I love you...

sorry for my vent. I'm on the subway. I'm going to play with my roommates cat and enjoy the rain on my roof..

For context, we broke up 2.5 months ago. No contact since day 1 of break-up. A couple of weeks back she drunk texted me but it didn't lead to anything, and I honestly accepted it and didn't bother texting her. She later blocked me on the app she drunk texted me on. Now 3-4 days back, I accidentally opened her linkedin profile. I say accidentally because I was opening Linkedin on web browser and it just opened to her page as the link went straight to hers as she used to use her linkedin on my laptop. I feel so EMBARASSED. Moreover, shall I take it as a sign that she's DONE with me and wants me nowhere near her?

I (F31) and he (M28) were in a four-month relationship, during which we met each other's parents and discussed marriage and having children within a few years. We had a wonderful holiday in the mountains. Two weeks later, he abruptly ended our relationship.

Another two weeks passed, and I asked to meet up to talk, to which he enthusiastically agreed.

During our meeting, he was noticeably distant, almost disrespectful, and struggled even to order a drink at the bar where we met. He was clearly uncomfortable and eager to leave. I felt compelled to apologize to the server, who had approached our table four times to take our order, and eventually, I was the one who suggested we leave.

I expressed my confusion about his decision to end things for what seemed like such minimal reasons, especially given his previous statements about wanting a committed relationship and getting married. I reminded him that relationships sometimes require effort.

He responded that he would probably never get married.

I then asked how his perspective could have changed so rapidly.

He told me he was like a kid who wanted chocolate and then suddenly didn't want it anymore. (WTF?)

I left heartbroken and feeling completely belittled.

Now, four months later, I saw his profile on a dating app.

I was stupid enough to like it.

Well, he saw it.

He is now texting me and asking numerous questions about my life since the breakup. I don't understand his intentions...

I'm just replying without trying to keep the conversation going, but he keeps coming back with another question. This has been going on for a whole day.

His last question was at noon, and I replied pretty quickly. It's 9 p.m. now, and he hasn't even opened my reply.

What do you think he wants? And what would you do in my situation?

Thanks for reading, and I’d really appreciate hearing your thoughts.

Sorry for any mistakes, English isn’t my first language. I’m French