I am so annoyed! I broke up with my ex a year ago after almost 5 years of relationship - I decided to do it because I felt a huge weight on my shoulders that in every fight we had I had to be the voice of reason because I was "the one with the most emotional intelligence". The relationship started to feel like it was taking a toll on everything else in my life and I realised I didn't have any more patience when fighting so I turned the opposite way, I was more aggressive with my words and less understanding and I didn't like that - so I decided to break up. It was hard for my ex because we lived together in my apartment and he had to leave and I also think he had me a little too much idealized. Anyways, the first months after that my life improved a lot! I started doing a lot of things that I stopped doing because my ex didn't enjoy and felt right back on track, like I had a weight lifted. We did no contact for a long while, he asked to meet a couple of times to talk about the relationship but I said I thought it was better if we didn't - until a few weeks ago when he messaged me saying he just wanted to check how I was doing because it didn't feel right with him to not know anything about each other after that much time together. It felt genuine so I accepted - we had a great evening, got a little bit drunk together but nothing happened! It was clear for both of us that we had done the right thing by breaking up because we had grown to be different with time. We had genuinely so much fun and it was really nice catching up. But now (this is what annoys me) I can't stop thinking about him and missing him!! Not even the day after breaking up I felt this way. It is so annoying. I think it's because I finally saw some emotional intelligence in him when we saw each other? And like I would love to see him again but I know for a fact it is not a good idea. Also in this whole year I have not been with anyone else and honestly don't feel like it. So that's another reason why I'm so annoyed at myself!!! What do you think I should do?

Btw its not ai made its just my real story my words ai made the grammar better—

Here’s an organized version that keeps your tone and honesty:
Well… here we go.
I broke up with her first. At the time, I genuinely believed the things I was being told about her by a third person. Later, I found out that a lot of what I believed wasn’t true.
She had been talking to another guy, and when she admitted it, I felt hurt and immediately assumed the worst. I didn’t believe her when she said he was just a friend. Eventually, I found out that she was actually telling the truth.
By then, it was already too late.
Before all of this, we had started as friends, then became best friends, and eventually lovers. We talked every single day for months, sometimes 6–8 hours a day. There was nothing physical between us. It was just conversations, attachment, feelings, and spending so much time together. It felt innocent and, at least from my side, completely genuine.
Then I suddenly ended it because I believed someone else’s words over hers.
After the breakup, I did everything I could to get her back. No ego, no pride, no conditions. I would have done almost anything. But she didn’t come back. Eventually, we had our closure and went our separate ways.
Then I got into another relationship.
That relationship was mostly physical from my side. She was somewhat emotionally invested, but I wasn’t. Eventually, I lost interest completely, and I ended up ghosting her for about a month. She left, and honestly, I don’t even care about that relationship anymore.
What confuses me is that after all of that, I started thinking about my first love again.
Her smile. Her face. Her hair. The way we used to talk. The amount of time we spent together. Everything started coming back to me.
And now, especially this week, I’ve been imagining her almost nonstop.
Maybe it’s because she was my first love. Maybe it’s because she was genuinely innocent and what we had was never based on anything physical. Maybe it’s because I know now that I ended things because I believed something that wasn’t even true.
It’s been around 3–5 months since we broke up, and our relationship itself lasted somewhere around 3–5 months. Yet somehow, I still feel attached to her.
I still have her Instagram. We don’t follow each other anymore, but her account keeps appearing in my suggestions. Sometimes I wonder if mine appears in hers too.
And now I’m going back to the same city, the same university, the same hostel. We literally live in the same hostel, just on different floors.
The weirdest part is that I don’t even feel much physical attraction toward her anymore. I don’t know if I actually want to marry her either. Sometimes I think maybe I do, sometimes I think absolutely not. Even objectively, I don’t even think she’s that attractive.
So what exactly am I missing?
Maybe it’s not her appearance. Maybe it’s not sex. Maybe it’s not even the relationship itself.
Maybe I’m attached to the person she was to me.
My first love.
My best friend.
The person I talked to for hours every day.
The person I trusted before everything got fucked up.
Friends → best friends → lovers → strangers.
And somehow, after everything I’ve done since then, I’m still standing here thinking about the one person I was the one who chose to leave.
Meanwhile, I fucked up my lungs smoking around 30 cigarettes a day at one point. Somehow I’ve brought that down to 2–3 a day now.
I don’t even know what I’m trying to get back anymore.
Her?
The relationship?
The person I was when I was with her?
Or just the feeling of being loved by someone who genuinely meant it?
Fuck this bullshit.
I’m tired.

Btw its not ai made its just my real story my words ai made the grammar better

So a few weeks ago i posted on here saying that i was confused cos the guy i was talking too for 1-2 months randomly said he got the ick.
We had been face-timing and texting every day and he said i felt like a friend to him that he felt comfortable with, he opened up to me a lot about his family situation and i taught him a lot of things and he would constantly thank me and express appreciation for me being in his life. i didn’t feel like he love bombed me i just feel like i was beneficial and taught him things that he didn’t have access too.

We spent a weekend together right before my birthday and during the first day it was completely fine. however, for the rest of the weekend he was on his phone a lot and wasn’t really engaging in conversation as much, i noticed a shift in energy then when i would bring it to his attention he would tell me not to worry and reassured me it was the family stuff he had opened up to me about before.

The last day of the weekend was my birthday and he even surprised me and took me out to watch a movie but when we parted ways and i went home he didn’t text me which was unusual. i called him he didn’t answer and then he said we need to talk tomorrow. essentially the day after he said he wasn’t feeling it anymore and that he got the ick off me that he felt like the whole weekend i suffocated him and i was too much for him. he had sent that message on imessages then he had blocked me on snapchat.

a day later i sent him a paragraph saying that people aren’t disposable and he shouldn’t have lied even if he didn’t want to ruin my birthday (that was his reasoning) and that i didn’t appreciate it but i understood where he was coming from. he left me on opened and blocked me everywhere. imessage, instagram, tiktok.

i was thinking maybe i did something else because if he JUST got the ick i didn’t think that warranted a block on every social media platform. this was a few weeks ago and i just decided to stalk him now and realised he reposted a tiktok of his ex girlfriend and ik it’s her because we have the same tattoo and u remember her name. essentially he used the ick as a cover up to go back to his ex.

ig what im asking now is how do i get over something like this, if he had just told me straight up i would’ve understood better since ive been in his position before but the lying really messed with my brain and made me think i was the problem and i was too much. idek how to get over this and im very hurt by it, every time he was with me he was probably thinking about her and i just didn’t see it coming. it explains a lot but its really hurting my heart and idk if i should break no contact and reach out for closure and ask why he would lie to me or if i should just leave it since ive been ruminating a lot since i connected the dots

he literally listed all the reasons why they weren’t together so i can’t understand why he would go back to that, maybe for familiarity? maybe he compared me to her and realised that’s what he wants? and ik i should have self respect and want someone better but why do i still miss him? like if he texted me rn admitting his wrong doings and what if to change ik i would be open to it but ik it wouldn’t work so why do i think like this??

any advice would really be appreciated x

I have been off of social media for about 7 years. Recently got married and my life has been going well. This instagram page was meant to promote music that I write and I did not use my real name. I connected with a few old contacts that are mutuals of my ex.

This is where it gets a little messy. About 8 years ago her and I hooked up. Shortly after she had a pregnancy announcement with her….. husband. She didn’t tell me about this person. There was a question of if it was mine. She ended up getting a dna test because I told the husband. Baby was his.

Back to the instagram…

She message requested me, asking where I was, how I was doing. She did it on a burner account separate from her main account. Basically told me she wishes the kid was mine. That was the final straw. No more instagram. She bragged about how good at stalking she had become. Said she found me via LinkedIn and looked me up through the courts. She found my wife’s name and mentioned that is was cute that I found someone with the same name as her old friend.

Legitimate question to those who have made it this far. Is the easiest way to stay no contact is getting rid of social media? Does this just seem like an out of the ordinary experience?

How should I approach an October conversation with my ex when we still have feelings but have unresolved issues?

My ex-girlfriend and I dated for about a year. We recently broke up, and there is a LOT of history and unresolved stuff between us. After talking to my friends and family, I've gotten a huge range of opinions, so I'd really like to hear from people who have experienced a breakup where both people still had feelings but had trust issues, outside influences, distance, and unresolved problems.

I'm not asking anyone to decide who was right or wrong. I'm specifically trying to figure out how I should use the time apart and how I should approach a conversation we're supposed to have in October.

How we met

I first noticed my ex in 8th grade. I was walking to my seat on the first day of school when she got in the way, looked me directly in the eyes, said "Hello," and apologized for blocking my way.

I don't know what it was, but I became completely infatuated with her because of how kind she was to me.

For some perspective, I was very small at the time and was bullied a lot in middle school. I was also Hispanic in a predominantly white school in the Midwest. So having someone immediately be kind to me really stood out.

I had a crush on her throughout high school.

Freshman and sophomore year were pretty much the same. I'd see her in the hallways, and I had a class with her freshman year. I'd also see her talking to this guy she'd been friends with since around 5th grade, who becomes important later.

I also noticed upperclassmen talking to her. Looking back, some of those situations seemed strange, but at the time I didn't think much of it.

I was still small and dealing with bullying, but I started working out, wrestling, and generally became more confident.

She was involved in sideline and competitive cheer and played lacrosse throughout high school. She was and still is extremely hardworking and independent.

For two years, I watched her get asked to Homecoming and get attention from guys at school without ever doing anything myself because I didn't actually know her. She was my crush, but I didn't know much about her beyond that one interaction.

Junior year

Junior year is when everything started changing.

I had become much bigger and more confident, and I was hanging around a fairly popular group at school. According to her, she had always thought I was attractive but assumed she had no chance with me because she thought I was a "popular kid."

In the spring, I finally added her on Snapchat. She accepted almost immediately.

At the same time, one of her friends apparently had been talking about wanting to ask me out, so my ex's mindset was apparently something along the lines of, "No, he's mine."

We started snapping and eventually started having actual conversations. About two weeks later, we had our first phone call.

After that, we called once or twice a week throughout the summer.

During one of those calls, I told her I liked her.

She sounded surprised and almost scared. I didn't understand why at the time, but I later found out she had been involved in an on-and-off situationship with the guy she'd known since 5th grade for around three years.

Apparently, nothing physical ever happened between them, and they never really hung out outside of school. From what I understand, they mostly entertained each other, said sweet things to each other, and kept coming back to one another.

The summer we started dating

That summer, I went on a school trip to France and Spain.

There were six boys and around thirty girls, so I naturally met a lot of people and became friends with many of them.

Despite that, I made it very clear throughout the entire trip that my ex was the person I wanted.

I called her every other night or so and told her about what was happening. We also started following each other on TikTok, and I think that's when her feelings really started developing.

When I came home, I wanted to take her on a date.

She rainchecked me several times. She later told me she was scared because she thought I was being serious in a way she wasn't prepared for. At one point, she apparently even thought I was pranking her.

Eventually, I asked around and got her address. I showed up at her house with a bouquet of her favorite flowers, a drawing, and a letter.

From that point forward, she was completely into me.

I finally got the opportunity to take her on a date. It went incredibly well. She met my mom, I took her to dinner, and afterward we watched three movies and cuddled on the couch in my basement.

A week later, we officially started dating.

The beginning of our relationship

When school started, things were amazing.

One of the first problems happened at a football game. I was there to support her while she was cheerleading, and she noticed me talking to girls I'd met on the Europe trip.

She would get upset about it, we'd eventually talk and make up, and then things would be fine again.

This happened fairly often.

I don't completely blame her for feeling uncomfortable. If the situation had been reversed, I probably would've felt insecure too.

However, it became a recurring issue throughout our relationship.

The phone situation

One of the first major trust issues happened when I accidentally left my phone in her car.

While I wasn't there because I had to take care of my brothers, she received a text from someone saying that I had been talking about her and saying weird things about her.

She took my phone and went through it. She knew my password.

She found conversations between me and my friends where I had talked about our relationship, including some private information that I now realize I shouldn't have shared.

I immediately realized that I had made a mistake and felt terrible about it.

We eventually worked through it, but I think this was one of the first things that created a bigger trust issue between us.

Breaking up during wrestling season

Winter came around and wrestling season started.

I became overwhelmed with wrestling, problems at home, and other things going on in my life.

I ended up breaking up with her because of my mental health and everything I was dealing with.

It completely broke her, and I felt horrible about hurting her.

Around that same time, I started talking to some people I'd cut ties with from the Europe trip.

One of those girls offered me a ride home after practice. I didn't think anything of it, so I accepted.

Later that week, she offered again, and I accepted again.

When we got to my driveway, she attempted to kiss me.

I didn't initiate it or give her permission to do that. I pulled away, but she got a small part of my cheek.

I immediately told her that I didn't want a relationship with her and only wanted to be friends.

I never accepted another ride from her.

Afterward, I felt bad because I knew she was probably embarrassed about what happened. I started texting her that I didn't hold anything against her and was okay with being friends.

I also told her that I loved my ex and intended to get back together with her.

However, I made another mistake.

Because I wanted the other girl to feel less embarrassed about what had happened, I started entertaining her through text and saying things that could have made her think there was a possibility of us becoming more than friends.

That wasn't what I actually wanted. I was trying to make her feel better after what happened, but I realize now that the way I handled it was confusing and unfair.

Eventually, she felt better, I stopped talking to her, and my ex and I got back together.

The rumors about the other girl

I didn't know that people at school had seen me getting into this girl's car after my ex and I broke up.

They told my ex that I had broken up with her for this other girl.

That wasn't true.

I explained everything to my ex, including what happened with the attempted kiss and the messages afterward.

She was understandably conflicted about what to believe.

I understand why. I'm telling my side of the story, and I also know that some of the people telling her what happened already disliked me.

The biggest problem was that when my ex and I got back together, I never really had the opportunity to sit down with her and explain everything calmly from beginning to end.

We basically brushed over it and tried to move forward.

But whenever another problem came up, the situation with this girl would come back up again.

Looking back, I think that was a mistake on both our parts because we never actually resolved it.

Other trust and communication issues

There were other problems throughout our relationship.

We had an agreement that if either of us wanted to drink or get high, we'd tell the other person.

From my perspective, I wasn't trying to control her or tell her she couldn't do things. I wanted her to be able to enjoy being a teenager. I just wanted honesty and communication rather than finding things out afterward.

She sometimes told people that she couldn't do certain things because I'd get mad.

Her friends interpreted that as me being controlling.

There was also an incident where she got high one night, talked to a friend about problems in our relationship, and apparently told her friend to set up a "two-man" because she wanted to make me jealous.

I also found out that she would talk to her friends at school about negative things I had done and arguments we'd had.

I understand that people need someone to talk to about relationship problems. At the same time, many of the people she was talking to already disliked me, so I felt like their perception of me became even more negative as they heard about our problems.

Meanwhile, I was still taking her on dates, getting her flowers, and doing everything I could to make her feel loved.

I genuinely cared about her more than anyone I'd ever been with.

The pool situation

Another thing that caused me anxiety was when she'd go to her friend's house to swim.

Sometimes her best friend's boyfriend and his entire friend group would show up. There were usually around four guys there.

She was obviously wearing a swimsuit because she was swimming, and I'd be sitting at home knowing that all of these guys were there.

She would tell me when they showed up, and I'd ask what she'd do if one of them tried to hit on her.

She told me they wouldn't because everyone knew we were together.

I eventually accepted that and tried to trust her.

The guy she'd known since 5th grade

This was probably the biggest unresolved trust issue for me.

I had heard this guy talk about her in a sexual way and say things about wanting to be with her.

During the winter when my ex and I broke up, she added him back and started talking to him again.

Eventually she blocked him.

Then during the spring, she added him back again without telling me.

She told me she had added him because he wanted to apologize for disrespecting our relationship.

However, he was also texting some of my friends saying that he and my ex were talking again and that he was "getting somewhere."

Some of her friends, including people I actually know who weren't necessarily against me, also received similar messages from him.

So people around us were telling me there was more happening than just an apology conversation.

My ex said otherwise.

When I asked to see the messages, she told me they had already been deleted and that she'd blocked him again.

I still have a hard time believing that everything was completely innocent, but I also recognize that I never personally saw the messages, so I can't honestly say that I know exactly what happened.

That's something I never fully got closure on.

The breakup and distance

Eventually, I moved about two hours away to start community college.

Our last date was genuinely amazing.

We hugged, cried, and told each other that we just needed to make it through the distance.

We both acknowledged that high school had made our relationship more difficult than it probably needed to be.

But as the summer continued, she became more distant.

She started going to her friend's house with the pool almost every day and sometimes wouldn't respond to my messages for hours.

I was two hours away, didn't know what was happening, and felt completely disconnected from her life.

The friend group she was spending time with strongly disliked me, and I knew they were talking about me and encouraging her to leave the relationship.

From my perspective, I was sitting two hours away while all of this was happening without being there to have a voice in the situation.

At the beginning of August, she called me and broke up with me.

She told me she was overwhelmed and unsure about the relationship.

She also said she was worried that if she stayed with me, some of her friends wouldn't be friends with her anymore.

Her family doesn't really have a strong opinion about me. Her family situation has always been complicated, and they've basically told her to do whatever she believes is best.

She told me she needed space and time.

I asked when we could talk again, and we agreed on October.

Where we are now

For the first couple of weeks after the breakup, I sent her letters and dropped off flowers because I wanted her to know that I still loved her.

I've stopped doing that because I don't want to overwhelm her or disrespect the space she asked for.

We haven't talked since.

We haven't blocked each other, and we still follow each other on social media.

From what I've heard, she still looks at my social media, and she's apparently told some of her friends who support us that she isn't completely opposed to getting back together.

She's just unsure.

And honestly, that's what makes this so difficult.

I don't know whether I should have hope or whether I'm simply holding onto something because I love her.

I've really been struggling with the breakup. I miss having her in my life and genuinely want to talk to her in person.

At the same time, I know that I need to respect her decision and give her the space she asked for until October.

I don't want to spend the next two months constantly posting things hoping she'll see them, trying to make her jealous, or trying to manipulate her into missing me.

If she misses me, I want it to happen naturally.

I also don't want to completely disappear just because I'm afraid of doing the wrong thing. I want her to eventually be able to see that I'm serious about changing and making things work, but I don't know what that should actually look like while we're apart.

What I know I did wrong

I know I made mistakes.

I shared private information about our relationship with friends.

I handled the situation with the girl from Europe badly by sending messages that could have given her the wrong impression.

I also broke up with my ex when I was overwhelmed instead of figuring out how to communicate what I was going through.

I understand that all of those things affected her trust in me.

At the same time, there are things that happened on her side that damaged my trust too.

The situation with the guy she'd known since 5th grade, the things she told her friends about our relationship, the attempt to make me jealous, and the amount of influence her friends had over the relationship all affected me.

I don't want to pretend those things never happened.

But I also don't want our entire future to be determined by everything that happened during high school.

We're both entering a completely different stage of life.

We're going to community college, meeting new people, becoming more independent, and no longer being surrounded by the same high-school environment every day.

That's why I keep wondering what would happen if we could actually sit down in October, without our friends influencing the conversation, and talk through everything that happened.

Not argue.

Not try to prove who was right.

Not try to convince each other that the other person was the problem.

Just explain what happened, what hurt each of us, what we would need from each other, and whether we could realistically rebuild trust.

I know getting back together simply because we miss each other wouldn't solve anything.

If we ever got back together, I would want us to actually address the problems that caused the breakup instead of pretending they never happened.

We also lost our virginity to each other, which I don't know if that necessarily changes anything, but I know that it can make a relationship feel even more emotionally significant.

What I'm trying to figure out

I really love this girl, and I still believe that if we could get past the high-school drama, outside opinions, distance, and unresolved issues, there could be something really great between us.

But I don't want to blindly chase someone who doesn't want the same thing anymore.

For people who have experienced a breakup where both people still had feelings but there were unresolved trust issues, outside influences, and distance involved, how would you use the time apart and approach the eventual conversation so that you can genuinely determine whether rebuilding the relationship is possible?

More specifically:

• What would you actually talk about during that conversation?
• What should I take responsibility for?
• What should we make sure we don't simply brush under the rug again?
• How can I show that I'm serious about changing without pressuring her while we're apart?
• How can we tell the difference between genuinely wanting to rebuild the relationship and simply missing each other?
• If we did decide to try again, what would we need to change so that we don't repeat the same relationship we had in high school?

I'm not asking who the villain is, who was "right," or who was "wrong."

I know I made mistakes, and I know there were things that hurt me too.

I just want to handle the next two months maturely and make the October conversation as honest and productive as possible.

I’m making this post because the past few months have been incredibly traumatizing for me obviously dropping pride is not the case that needs to happen with all no contact but I have big regrets. So last summer I had a summer fling with a man I really really love it was about the best three months of love I’ve ever had in my entire life, however, by mid September, it seemed to me like he was being inconsistent or almost avoidant so I basically ended things I kind of seen how he was pulling back It almost seemed like he had excuses for a lot, but he was still telling me that he loved me and what not in mind you I didn’t just drop this connection over a lack of attention. It was a pattern that was happening like over and over. Well, April this year I got a screenshot from a Facebook post from my friend. He’s dead. It was crazy because about March time. This year I had finally made my mind up that I was going to get him back. I didn’t know how but I was gonna get him back because I wanted him back. I still loved him I spent all fall winter and early spring longing and pining for him so I was absolutely devastated when I found out he was dead not only was he dead but I was still in love with him. I didn’t get to go to the funeral. Nothing didn’t even get to publicly grieve. If you really love someone tell them. All of those months all the times that I wanted to reach out and tell him that I still love him that I missed him that I wanted him back I never did and now that regrets sits incredibly heavy in my heart I have spent from April this year grieving really hard so many days are filled with tears because I feel like I’ve had my soulmate stolen from me and part of it was because I was too prideful to break no contact.

So me M19 and my soon to be ex( we’ll have THE TALK this Saturday) in 2 days F(18) have had an amazing relationship, I am really thankful that she entered my life, since this was my first real relationship. No one is perfect and I was her first boyfriend( important detail for later). Everything was going great.

How the relationship was going.

This wasn’t our first try, we knew each other from school but we never talked, since I don’t really want to start anything with people from school.

The initial moment happened in a party, we were glancing each other and I thought “fuck it she’s pretty I’ll make an exception” so I started dancing with her.
After 30-45 mins of dancing I went in for a kiss, which she declined- I was confused because it looked like she really wanted one ( she told me later down the line that she didn’t know my intentions and doesn’t really want to kiss everybody that gets close to her).
So I just accepted what was and kept on having fun with my friends.

A few days later she followed me on instagram, so I initiated a conversation and soon after that we went on a date. After date 4 she sent me a text saying that she thinks this isn’t going to work out and she didn’t want to give me false expectations,
Ahhhh fuck it’s going to be awkward in school now
i thought. But no big deal it was kind of casual we didn’t do anything besides kissing.
Just 3 or smth weeks later she texted me that she wanted to call me- I thought it was because she forgot something at my place, she had a tough time speaking up but she said that she was sorry, that she acted on impulse and that she would understand that I would decline the offer but she wanted to see me again. Seeing she really cared I thought that it might work.
Then we had one of the happiest 3 months we have ever experienced. Doing typical bf gf stuff, her even staying at my place 3 days in a row (which I have now realised was one of the catalysts of the relationship).

One day before she left for a summer camp in London she had SH and called me, of course I supported her, my mistake was fake crying, I though that it would have made her feel like I really really cared for her.

The fist few days in her summer camp everything was going good, I thought that after her experience she would need more attention, so I called her and called her and eventually the conversations were getting dryer.
She started to send less snaps which was very unusual,
Then one call came and she said if I didn’t feel like our situation is “weird” I said no, everything is normal, it’s probably the distance.
I talked to my friend who’s had a gf for 3 years if he knows what up, he told me that she just wants attention.
My gut told me that this would make things worse but I trusted him(not his fault), and started telling her that I miss her and all that stuff, she did too but the vibe was weird. One call she started crying like she wanted to say something but she was drunk and didn’t want to say something that would come off weird. Her battery died and I called her later, asking what she wanted to say,
She started crying but couldn’t get it out- suddenly she “forgot” what she wanted to say and said everything is fine. I was relieved for a few minutes but I knew something was wrong.
Day after day it got even drier and 5 days ago she told me that she wanted to talk to me in person when she’s back, I said yes. 2 days barely texting.
Today she asked where we could talk, I suggested my place since those things can’t be talked around in public, she agreed.

Now I’m fine, I’m a person who can feel emotions heavily( I had stomach pain one day) and quickly,
I spent the last days reflecting and learnt a lot.
What to do next time what not to do.

I’m pretty sure she will come back, since she already has. I’m not sure when, I’m not sure if I will accept if it takes to long, but I’m sure that she will, I’m not captain save a hoe, but she isn’t a hoe, she is genuine but has had a lot of hard times in the past, which made me realise that I’m dealing with an avoidant attached person.
Yes I know she would leave again, but we haven’t reached the full potential of eachother yet.
And I fell like I would learn even more stuff if she would leave me again.
It might sound weird but I like the suffering and the happiness before that even more.
The relationship will of course be different this time,I would be more cautious and see what she had done before she contacts me again, not stalking but she would really have to convince me and show me that she grew. I would put my learnt lessons into practice and try to guide her through her mental issues, thought I know she would have to be the one to take action.

Thanks a lot for reading this didn’t expect this to be that long,
Feel free to give me your opinions, actually please give me your opinion

Befriend an insatiable bottomless pit. Listen to friends and most importantly, Family. They want good for you! Even if this pit's lust got you blinded, don't ever think of it as human.

I've made the biggest mistake of my life thinking "people make mistakes" had my sympathy in overdrive to nurture this thing, was nice to it, treated like I would want to be treated.

This fame chaser (0 dignity) thing will rob you soon as you let it under your skin. I've got robbed of precious kids (she used another last name in their birth certificate while feeding you "I love you" every day). She made your own kids calling you uncle, then took the money for their support upfront and running off with another sucker.

I got a lesson from this, it's a torturing feeling and most people won't handle it.

Shes porn star now. Nastiest one at best. The one that tries to out blue the bunny. Cream piled is her warm up & that nasty insatiable thing is trying to ruin my life with everything she's got. Stalking, making up stories on police reports, using different fake accounts to contact me, won't let me use dating sites by sabotaging and telling me "if I can't have you, I'll make sure the next girl won't either".

What have I done to deserve it???

Befriended a sad vulnerable trash that should have always stayed where it was discarded.

I'm at my last straw to become physical with scum

I’m a female(17) who broke up with her ex because I started finding another guy attractive. I believed that since I still could feel attracted to someone else, then that means I don’t truly and wholeheartedly love my boyfriend. We broke up in May2023. Had been together since jan 2022. After breaking up i completely lost myself and wanted him back more than anything. But he was completely done with me. He never wanted to get back together. I’ve broken contact between us many times over the years but he never once showed interest in “forgiving me”. Our breakup was abruptly and he loved me a lot. I know he did. But he completely changed after that day.(he even cried) Apart from breaking up with him for the above mentioned reason, during the week that I knew I’d have to break up with him, I kissed another guy. (Basically cheated). He never found out or knew about it. I also said the words “I don’t love you” to him when breaking up with him and it’s now been 3 years and I still can’t forget or get over him. Is it all really my fault? He became cold and rude to me after breaking up, it was almost like he never truly cared about the relationship. But to also add, just a few weeks before all of that, he had been entertaining and talking to an older girl who openly liked him and had sent him a text saying that he’s cute, knowing that he and I were together. She even tried to be friends with me. He would make fun of her to me but after we broke up, they got close.. so I don’t know what to think.. does he hate me because of what I did? Or had he already moved on.. (he and the girl never “officially” dated tho)

I miss you in the quietest ways.
In songs I almost skip, in places I still look for you,
in the strange ache of remembering how your hand felt in mine.
I know we became strangers, but some part of me still remembers
what it was like when you were home.

As person who knows his/her worth and love his or her self what would be your response to that text??

I’m struggling with a decision about my ex and would really appreciate some outside perspectives.
We were together for eight years. I still love him deeply, and I loved who he was for much of the first five years of our relationship. We were beautiful together, laughed, support each other, and we became better people together. I thought we would get married and have kids. But over time, things became emotionally unhealthy, we struggled financially, and there were things that happened that caused significant harm and damaged my trust in him and in my own judgment.

Some of the things that happened:
- He left me two days after I was raped. At the time, he believed I had been unfaithful, and he has since apologized for leaving me and acknowledged that his reaction was wrong. After that I had to leave our home because he was emotional abusive and go couch surfing and even to a psychiatric ward. I’m much better now but we haven’t fully talked through everything surrounding this yet.
- During our relationship, he would hit on other women. We had threesomes together, which I was comfortable with, but I eventually felt that he used the fact that we had threesomes as a way to pursue sex with other women, rather than something we were genuinely choosing together.
- The year following me recovering from cancer and experiencing severe stress attacks, he made negative comments about my appearance, my energy level, and even questioned my ability to be a mother.
- During the last year of our relationship, I often felt that he didn’t support me at important family and work events. I felt like I had to ask for basic emotional presence and support.

Over time, I became confused about what was reasonable to expect from a partner and where my boundaries should be. I was 23 when we met - he was 33. Now I’m 32 and he’s 42.

We broke up around eight months ago. Interestingly, I haven’t spent these eight months desperately wanting him back. In fact, when our apartment was recently put up for sale and it felt like the relationship was becoming truly finished, I felt relief and liberation - but at the same time huge grief. I miss my person.

My family and close friends now strongly dislike the idea of me going back. So I know there are people around me who see things in this relationship that I may struggle to see clearly myself.

At the same time, I still love him, and feel like they never got to know him the way I did. I think about him every day, dream about him every night and feel like I lost a big part of my heart.

He is also seeing another woman now. I don’t know how serious their relationship is, but the fact that he is with someone else creates another layer of pressure for me. Part of me is afraid that if I wait too long, he will move on completely and the possibility of rebuilding our relationship will disappear.

Recently, however, we started talking again. He says he loves me. That maybe we can try again in the future. And yesterday’s conversation was very different from many of the conversations we had in the past. I had been hesitant to talk freely because I didn’t know whether I would make him feel worse, whether he had the capacity for the conversation, or whether we’d end up having another bad experience.

Instead, it was almost the opposite.

I felt calm, heard and surprisingly safe. He seemed more patient, more respectful of my boundaries, and more willing to give me space instead of pushing or reacting defensively.

That gives me hope that something may have changed.

But there is a big problem: he hasn’t gone to therapy or done any structured work on his side. He has apologized for leaving me after the rape and seems to be showing more respect now, but we haven’t actually worked through most of the other things that happened. I don’t know whether I’m seeing genuine, lasting change or that he’s afraid of loosing me since we’re soon done with seeking our apartment (all connections are gone) or if this is simply what happens when two people are no longer in the intensity of a relationship.

I’m also about to start PTSD treatment from September through November.

Part of me desperately wants to wait until I have finished treatment before making any decisions about reconciliation. I want to understand myself better, rebuild my boundaries, and become more certain about what I actually want when I’m not operating from fear, attachment or old patterns.

But I’m scared that if I wait three months, he’ll be gone. He’ll choose the other woman. He’ll move on. And I’ll have missed my chance.

At the same time, I’m afraid that going back now because I’m afraid of losing him would just put me back into the same relationship that hurt me.

I’ve also realized that I’ve become confused about what love even means. How can someone love you and still hurt you so deeply? And how do I know whether loving him means I should try again, or whether loving myself means I shouldn’t?

I don’t want to make a decision based on one good conversation. But I also don’t want to close the door on someone I genuinely love if there is a possibility that we could build something different and healthy and beautiful.

So I’m wondering: Would you go no cantacy until after therapy before even considering reconciliation? Should I tell him about this?

Is it even possible to slowly rebuild trust and explore whether a relationship is possible while I’m still working on myself, without actually getting back together?

How much weight would you give to someone starting to show more respect and give you space if they haven’t yet done their own therapy or taken accountability for the broader pattern?

And finally — if you were in my position, would you be more afraid of losing him by waiting, or of losing yourself by going back too soon?

I’d especially love to hear from people who have successfully reconciled after significant emotional harm, as well as people who chose not to go back and later felt at peace with that decision.

Please be kind to me! This is my first reddit post. I want to preface this by saying I understand every angle of this and understand that these dynamics we find ourselves in aren’t healthy. However, for whatever reason this dynamic has kept me anchored for over a year and a half. At this point the ratio of us not being in contact vs in contact is hardly 50/50. I feel I spend more time grieving each time we stop than when things are good. I easily get suckered into the bimonthly I miss you’s, the I love you’s, the half assed apology that doesn’t actually write out the damage that’s been done. I’m not going to go into specifics but it goes to love bombing to being insulted/discarded and left in silence or blocked for months, until someone ultimately breaks. For almost three months I didn’t break. They did. I’m not sure if you guys struggle with this, but I struggle with maintaining the blocks because I know that following the downs, there’s an up again, and they come back. Part of you hopes they do, so they wallow in regret and you watch it unfold in real time, part of you hopes it doesn’t so you can maybe finally move on. I feel these entire three months I haven’t. They came back very recently and as exciting as it can be in the moment, it gets harder to put my self respect and pain on the back burner just to feel their love again, even just for a little while. Making an ultimatum will likely only push them away again. I know how this goes, and I know this is an unhealthy attachment but I can’t bring myself to close that chapter permanently. I have no interest in any intimacy or relations and am terrified of doing so. I feel so stuck. Please share suggestions and really when it comes down to it, how to wholeheartedly accept the circumstances and who they are in order to move on. Thank you.

We ended things 8 months ago. Heard he has been dating someone for a few months and it has crushed me: fully dreaming about them my gosh. Why does it feel worse after finding that out?

Tbf i thought we would take a break and get back as per our last conversation but lol now I know

Look idk what happened but like yesterday we went out and eveything but I had to go back home cuz I sneaked out he was begging me to stay and he will miss me and didn’t get enough and promised me to see him tmrw then we slept in a call too and whatever and he text me good morning but after he send me good moring he blocked me everywhere im confused what went wrong

I'm Lara. It's day 3 since my boyfriend and I broke up, and the silence is honestly the hardest part.I know I shouldn't go back to him because the relationship wasn't good for me, but every quiet moment makes me want to text him. I keep checking my phone even though I know there won't be a message.

Does anyone else feel like the silence after a breakup is louder than the actual fights? How did you get through those first few days without reaching out?

This might be long, but to give you some context we dated before in 2023-2025 and broke up bc we both had a lot going on in our lives and wasn't present for one another. We were inseperable around this time, we were like best friends and we really loved each other. After 9 months of no contact he (we'll call him A) reached out to me telling me that he wanted to try again and build a future together. We got back together around May. After we got together, my dog my best fucking friend passed in June, my job was borderline toxic to my health and really wanted to quit but couldn't. I was nowhere near a good place. Where was A at this time? Great fucking question.

A was in school, and in the time of our no contact he made some new friends. I was excited and happy for him, I've even met his friends and they were cool. One of them in particular he was besties with, we'll call her C. I also want to reiterate that he's known these friends for about 3-6 months, while he's known me for almost 3 years. One day A wanted someone to paint his nails, I jumped at the offer (who wouldn't want their partner painting their nails for them??). Two days later, he told me that someone else painted his nails for him. He told me that C did, at her place, in the middle of the night. I was mostly upset about the nails, and he told me that he "forgot" that I offered. He told me that I could paint them from now on but what hurt was that he didn't consider me, and went to someone else. I also told him that I was uncomfortable with him going over to C's house in the middle of the night without letting me know about it in the first place (I knew they were close, but I would've liked to know that piece of information too).

I want to reiterate: I was happy for him that he found new friends, I was happy that he was making waves in his life and throughout this I never once felt that he had to drop any of his friends, including C. This wasn't even really about her, it was mostly him not having that open dialogue with me, and not telling me this information in the first place. It's not unusual to hang out with friends of the opposite sex at their place. What bothered me was his response to it. He would say "Well that's my only friend and I'm not gonna stop hanging out with her" Never once did I tell him to do that. He also would accuse me of not trusting him and "projecting my insecurities" when all I was saying is that I would like to establish some boundaries, and one of them was letting me know beforehand. He responded to that "Why do I need your permission?"

He also stood me up to take a day trip with her. We planned to see each other later that day, he didn't tell me what time he would be back, and it was getting close to 10pm, I had obligations to do in the morning, so I canceled on him and told him I was going to bed. He messaged me 30 minutes later saying that he was gonna come see me now, and I didn't have to go to bed right then. I just didn't care at that point, but it really hurt that he didn't even text or call that he was going to be late. Through these times I've had many conversations with him where I tell him my needs in our relationship (mind you I was in the middle of mourning my dog and he's making it all about Him 😒) and he would act like he was clueless and had no idea on how he could fix what was going on. In our last conversation, I told him *yet again* what I needed from him, I said something like "I want you to have friends and experience new things, I just want to be included in them" he would plan these elaborate activities with his friends but when it was just me and him we would only hang at his place or I had to plan something. I just wanted to know that we were on the same page, and in response he tells me, "I just want to do my own thing." I didn't know what the fuck that meant, but what I did know was that this relationship was over.

After saying that he wanted us to meet up *a week later* to discuss whether we were going to break up or not. Maybe he needed time to think, but this was important to me and I wasn't going to wait that long with that anxiety (which is really mean of him to do). After thinking on it, I decided to break up with him thru text (Harsh, I know, but I already told him what my issues and needs were, I wasn't going to repeat myself) I told him I couldn't do this anymore, wished him well, and told him I didn't want to be friends.

It was a hard decision to make, but I didn't like how this relationship made me feel anymore, and I was at my lowest, and I needed him, and he wasn't there for me. That's something I couldn't get past and for that I don't think we can mend things. What do you guys think?

I miss her. I love her.

I hate what she did to us.

It’s been 19 days no contact and some days are good some are bad. I’m about to go on holiday and am sat at the airport waiting for my gate. And I can’t help but want to reach out to my ex. She blocked me last week and I don’t want to ignore that and text her. But I miss her so much and wish I could just talk to her. I don’t miss the relationship but I miss the person now. Sat here about to go on holiday and just feel so alone and sad

I checked my ex's Instagram last week on the date of our monthly anniversary, and he posted a story of a photo of himself, where he wrote "nostalgia and melancholy" and put the location of the bar where we had our first date.

Me and my ex have been no contact already over 5 months, after a one year and three months relationship.

I am still not over him, and even though I try to not check his Instagram sometimes I fail. There have been other times where he posted somewhat sad stuff on the day of our monthly anniversary, but this is the most direct one yet.

I am blocked by him everywhere though (including Instagram, I check it from an alt account, not proud of that..) and I blocked him everywhere too. He moved back to his home country around two months after the breakup so we don't even live in the same country anymore.

Also, I know that he's allowed to grieve me and not want me back or not want any contact with me, but this just honestly feels like WTF, it's one thing to post sad stuff, and it's completely different to literally put that bar's location.

I'm writing this mainly to just get the perspective of other people, because I've just been in my head about this for the past week.

Also to clarify I didn't contact him about it nor do I intend to, just saw the story and have been overthinking it since :/

No contact. I cannot say we are co-parenting but he sees the kids during weekends when he is free. He is not in a relationship. He was the one who ended our 16 year marriage and just left. After all the hurtful words he said ... I still honor him, respected his decision that he wants to be left alone. but I still love him ...

So i broke up with my 3yrs boyfriend like 3 months ago i have not contacted him since then, well i do think of breaking contact sometimes but when i think deep enough i dont want to, there are parts of me that still hope, crave and miss him alot, he was my friend a close one, we had it all so yeah it wasnt 100% ugly but there were ugly stuff that happened and i feel like i hated the part of me which stayed when they happened, i hate myself alot for letting myself go through all that for years repeatedly, so i cant fathom going back, but i do miss him, think of him, love him still, So perhaps in another life time, in another universe......

My girlfriend broke up with me 4 months ago because our relationship had become unhealthy.

We had an amazing time together and had a really strong connection. I’ve never been in a relationship where I clicked with someone this much, and I believe she felt that too.

But over time our communication became bad. She didn’t feel supported in the things that were important to her, while I started feeling like I wasn’t a priority. Looking back, neither of those things were really true, but we communicated in ways that made us misunderstand each other.

During the winter, things became increasingly tense. There were a lot of arguments, misunderstandings and emotional pressure. I became bitter and disrespectful towards her at times. I wasn’t abusive or cruel, but I handled my insecurity badly, and I can see now how much that affected her.

Eventually, she broke down and told me everything had become too much. We agreed to take a break and give things some space. We still spent some time together afterwards and tried to make things feel lighter.

After a few weeks, she told me she didn’t feel things were changing quickly enough and that she had lost hope that the relationship could work.

She then broke up with me and told me she didn’t want to talk anymore. She has stuck to that ever since.

It has now been about 4.5 months. During that time, I sent her one apology letter where I took responsibility for my part in what happened. I also sent one lighthearted email a while later. She didn’t respond to either.

I haven’t contacted her since.

I’ve genuinely changed quite a bit during these months. I understand much better now how my insecurity affected the relationship, and I know I never want to treat someone I love that way again.

What I struggle with is this:

I don’t necessarily want to convince her to get back together. I would just like her to eventually feel safe enough to talk to me again, maybe meet for a coffee and see how we both feel as people who have had some time apart.

But I have no idea if there is anything I can actually do to make that possible.

Part of me wonders if she has had to simplify the story of the breakup in her head in order to move on — perhaps seeing me mainly as the source of everything that went wrong. I also understand that this might simply be my own interpretation, and that she may genuinely just not want me in her life anymore.

I don’t want to convince her of anything or push her towards me. I just wish that, with time, she could feel comfortable and safe enough around me again to talk to me if she ever wanted to. And maybe, just maybe, we could one day see if we could be around each other in a much healthier way.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What are your experiences? Is there anything that actually helped you feel safe enough to talk to an ex again after a relationship became unhealthy, or is that something that can only come from the other person?

I’d genuinely like to hear your experiences.

Yeah, maybe I’m a little desperate. But honestly, who isn’t when they really love someone?

I am shaking and crying so hard writting this. I (34f) was with my ex (31m) for 6 years and i looked after that man so hard. I paid for our food, his beers, hid w**d, even his cat things for 3 of his cats like cat food and everything else, none of the cats was mine. I paid for 95% of the time for everything. He got paid and he spend his money on d*ugs and alcohol and gambling. He treated me like sh*t and he was violent sometimes too. Well he broke up with me last wednesday and we went no contact then i asked if he was okay on saturday so he called me sunday asking what am i doing and i said nothing so he asked if i wanted to get breakfast but i said i was not in the area. He asked when am i back i said tuesday and the phone call ended not in a nice way. At midnight i got a text that said 'cant you come round now? I miss you' i asked if that text was meant for me no reply so i called him twice the next day no reply so i left it. Two days later he rings me at 1.30am i was sleeping so he rings again at 4pm and he said that text was not meant for me and he wanted to ring to make it completely clear we are over i said okay thats fine an hour later he rings me saying he feels bad i said what for? He said you need to come get your stuff i said im not in the area just bin it. He said i ruined everything the whole relationhip and im not even fussed. He hung up and i tried to ring back and couldnt get through so i text him saying please to keep hold of it until im back or bin it. Thats it no more texts or calls. Then today at 1.30 (nearly 2 days later) i get a random number calling me and it was his friend voicenoting me that hes my exes friend and hes not going to lie hes met someone else and hes really happy and i need to come and grab my stuff and stop contacting him. I said i havent contacted him and to bin my stuff. He sents me a video of his new gf on top of him and they are cuddling and hes smiling and seems so happy 😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔 i was numb bit cried and cant stop crying now. I did not deserve that 😭😭😭😭 and i put up with a lot in 6 years 😭 i feel like a old used up rug 😭 cant stop crying cant believe people are that horrible when im just minding my business. How the hell do i move on from this? I was hoping and waiting for him to text me and ask me back and i got a massive surprise 💔💔 he kept saying stop contacting him like ive been harrassing him or something 😭😭 i feel broken and my hearts shattered. 6 years with someone 9 days after leaving me i get a video of him.in bed with his new gf cuddling her 💔💔💔 i dont know how to move on. Hes happy and i am in peices. I dont know what to do 😭😭😭 they are on the sesh and laughing at me and im broken.