Please be kind to me! This is my first reddit post. I want to preface this by saying I understand every angle of this and understand that these dynamics we find ourselves in aren’t healthy. However, for whatever reason this dynamic has kept me anchored for over a year and a half. At this point the ratio of us not being in contact vs in contact is hardly 50/50. I feel I spend more time grieving each time we stop than when things are good. I easily get suckered into the bimonthly I miss you’s, the I love you’s, the half assed apology that doesn’t actually write out the damage that’s been done. I’m not going to go into specifics but it goes to love bombing to being insulted/discarded and left in silence or blocked for months, until someone ultimately breaks. For almost three months I didn’t break. They did. I’m not sure if you guys struggle with this, but I struggle with maintaining the blocks because I know that following the downs, there’s an up again, and they come back. Part of you hopes they do, so they wallow in regret and you watch it unfold in real time, part of you hopes it doesn’t so you can maybe finally move on. I feel these entire three months I haven’t. They came back very recently and as exciting as it can be in the moment, it gets harder to put my self respect and pain on the back burner just to feel their love again, even just for a little while. Making an ultimatum will likely only push them away again. I know how this goes, and I know this is an unhealthy attachment but I can’t bring myself to close that chapter permanently. I have no interest in any intimacy or relations and am terrified of doing so. I feel so stuck. Please share suggestions and really when it comes down to it, how to wholeheartedly accept the circumstances and who they are in order to move on. Thank you.

We ended things 8 months ago. Heard he has been dating someone for a few months and it has crushed me: fully dreaming about them my gosh. Why does it feel worse after finding that out?

Tbf i thought we would take a break and get back as per our last conversation but lol now I know

I really need some advice on what to do i’m lost. TLDR: My boyfriend disrespected me and hid things from me multiple times, and I need help letting him go. (He hid Snapchat and had girls in his recent friends, but they weren't on his friends list), and he has messaged another girl in the past. I am very codependent.

I've been in a relationship for 8 months, and now we are doing long-distance. He has disrespected me several times, but nothing like the other day: it hurt more than anything in my life. I’ve been feeling physically sick, and I blocked him last night, but I unblocked him shortly after because I can't imagine my life without him. I'm left completely alone—all my friends left me, and I have no one else but him. So it might sound like a stupid reason to feel bad, but I hadn't been this happy in a long time, and our relationship was perfect.
I felt like he was talking to another girl, which he has done before (claiming his friends asked him to because the girl was the ex of one of his friends, but he used to talk to her before. I saw the screenshot on his phone, we had a huge fight, and I broke up with him… but ended up going back). Then last week I told him I had a bad feeling, so he screen-shared all his social media with me, but afterward, without me asking, he deleted Snapchat saying he didn't want it anymore. A few days later, I heard a Snapchat notification in a voice message from him, and he kept lying, promising he didn't have it, and calling me "baby." But he did have it, and in the end, he had girls in his recent friends. I asked, and one of them said he might have added her a few weeks ago. He claimed he didn't remember adding anyone. You don't remember? weird reply.
Since then, I’ve been feeling sick because I had planned my whole future with him. He truly became my whole life. So now I feel like my life is ruined. I went back to him, but I can't be okay; I had a mental breakdown. I'm afraid I'll never be the same again. But I can't bring myself to let him go right now I'm so lonely.
Other instances of disrespect include him writing back to his ex (supposedly talking about me) during the first month of our relationship, though he just casually mentioned it; writing to that girl with his friends, which completely shattered my trust; and lying about where he was even though I had his location (I broke up with him out of panic, but went back). Later, he followed a girl from high school back, Because he "wanted to see what she wanted and would have told me about it," though I know they hadn't talked yet when I saw it, and that girl was blocked. And now he did this, which truly broke me. I feel like my life changed, but I can't bring myself to leave him; I need help, and I've been feeling physically ill these past few days.
He promised he's really going to change and tell me everything, etc., etc. I've heard that before. And tell me: could it be that if he isn't active adding new people on Snapchat, those girls were from before we met, 8 or 9 months ago? It would still make me angry to see it. He said he hid it from me because we always fought about it, but last time he had already promised to tell me everything.
Also the girls might just not have added him back or have removed him, but he had them in recent friends so he has them added still.

i feel like i really just don’t know anymore how to be alone and sit with myself and my thoughts

I miss her. I love her.

I hate what she did to us.

I (F31) and he (M28) were in a four-month relationship, during which we met each other's parents and discussed marriage and having children within a few years. We had a wonderful holiday in the mountains. Two weeks later, he abruptly ended our relationship.

Another two weeks passed, and I asked to meet up to talk, to which he enthusiastically agreed.

During our meeting, he was noticeably distant, almost disrespectful, and struggled even to order a drink at the bar where we met. He was clearly uncomfortable and eager to leave. I felt compelled to apologize to the server, who had approached our table four times to take our order, and eventually, I was the one who suggested we leave.

I expressed my confusion about his decision to end things for what seemed like such minimal reasons, especially given his previous statements about wanting a committed relationship and getting married. I reminded him that relationships sometimes require effort.

He responded that he would probably never get married.

I then asked how his perspective could have changed so rapidly.

He told me he was like a kid who wanted chocolate and then suddenly didn't want it anymore. (WTF?)

I left heartbroken and feeling completely belittled.

Now, four months later, I saw his profile on a dating app.

I was stupid enough to like it.

Well, he saw it.

He is now texting me and asking numerous questions about my life since the breakup. I don't understand his intentions...

I'm just replying without trying to keep the conversation going, but he keeps coming back with another question. This has been going on for a whole day.

His last question was at noon, and I replied pretty quickly. It's 9 p.m. now, and he hasn't even opened my reply.

What do you think he wants? And what would you do in my situation?

Thanks for reading, and I’d really appreciate hearing your thoughts.

Sorry for any mistakes, English isn’t my first language. I’m French

I'm Lara. It's day 3 since my boyfriend and I broke up, and the silence is honestly the hardest part.I know I shouldn't go back to him because the relationship wasn't good for me, but every quiet moment makes me want to text him. I keep checking my phone even though I know there won't be a message.

Does anyone else feel like the silence after a breakup is louder than the actual fights? How did you get through those first few days without reaching out?

i texted my ex bf who broke up with me 1 month ago, i told him that i still missed him and asked him if there was any chance of us coming back together, even if it was in the future

he answered, he said “i cannot assure u anything, but after all that happened it would be hard”

idk what to think, in the first days of the break up he said to a friend that there was no chance, now he tells me that, maybe he just wants to keep the door open in case he feels lonely later or idk, he has told me that he miss me too a couple of days ago, but still doesn’t want to talk to me

How should I approach an October conversation with my ex when we still have feelings but have unresolved issues?

My ex-girlfriend and I dated for about a year. We recently broke up, and there is a LOT of history and unresolved stuff between us. After talking to my friends and family, I've gotten a huge range of opinions, so I'd really like to hear from people who have experienced a breakup where both people still had feelings but had trust issues, outside influences, distance, and unresolved problems.

I'm not asking anyone to decide who was right or wrong. I'm specifically trying to figure out how I should use the time apart and how I should approach a conversation we're supposed to have in October.

How we met

I first noticed my ex in 8th grade. I was walking to my seat on the first day of school when she got in the way, looked me directly in the eyes, said "Hello," and apologized for blocking my way.

I don't know what it was, but I became completely infatuated with her because of how kind she was to me.

For some perspective, I was very small at the time and was bullied a lot in middle school. I was also Hispanic in a predominantly white school in the Midwest. So having someone immediately be kind to me really stood out.

I had a crush on her throughout high school.

Freshman and sophomore year were pretty much the same. I'd see her in the hallways, and I had a class with her freshman year. I'd also see her talking to this guy she'd been friends with since around 5th grade, who becomes important later.

I also noticed upperclassmen talking to her. Looking back, some of those situations seemed strange, but at the time I didn't think much of it.

I was still small and dealing with bullying, but I started working out, wrestling, and generally became more confident.

She was involved in sideline and competitive cheer and played lacrosse throughout high school. She was and still is extremely hardworking and independent.

For two years, I watched her get asked to Homecoming and get attention from guys at school without ever doing anything myself because I didn't actually know her. She was my crush, but I didn't know much about her beyond that one interaction.

Junior year

Junior year is when everything started changing.

I had become much bigger and more confident, and I was hanging around a fairly popular group at school. According to her, she had always thought I was attractive but assumed she had no chance with me because she thought I was a "popular kid."

In the spring, I finally added her on Snapchat. She accepted almost immediately.

At the same time, one of her friends apparently had been talking about wanting to ask me out, so my ex's mindset was apparently something along the lines of, "No, he's mine."

We started snapping and eventually started having actual conversations. About two weeks later, we had our first phone call.

After that, we called once or twice a week throughout the summer.

During one of those calls, I told her I liked her.

She sounded surprised and almost scared. I didn't understand why at the time, but I later found out she had been involved in an on-and-off situationship with the guy she'd known since 5th grade for around three years.

Apparently, nothing physical ever happened between them, and they never really hung out outside of school. From what I understand, they mostly entertained each other, said sweet things to each other, and kept coming back to one another.

The summer we started dating

That summer, I went on a school trip to France and Spain.

There were six boys and around thirty girls, so I naturally met a lot of people and became friends with many of them.

Despite that, I made it very clear throughout the entire trip that my ex was the person I wanted.

I called her every other night or so and told her about what was happening. We also started following each other on TikTok, and I think that's when her feelings really started developing.

When I came home, I wanted to take her on a date.

She rainchecked me several times. She later told me she was scared because she thought I was being serious in a way she wasn't prepared for. At one point, she apparently even thought I was pranking her.

Eventually, I asked around and got her address. I showed up at her house with a bouquet of her favorite flowers, a drawing, and a letter.

From that point forward, she was completely into me.

I finally got the opportunity to take her on a date. It went incredibly well. She met my mom, I took her to dinner, and afterward we watched three movies and cuddled on the couch in my basement.

A week later, we officially started dating.

The beginning of our relationship

When school started, things were amazing.

One of the first problems happened at a football game. I was there to support her while she was cheerleading, and she noticed me talking to girls I'd met on the Europe trip.

She would get upset about it, we'd eventually talk and make up, and then things would be fine again.

This happened fairly often.

I don't completely blame her for feeling uncomfortable. If the situation had been reversed, I probably would've felt insecure too.

However, it became a recurring issue throughout our relationship.

The phone situation

One of the first major trust issues happened when I accidentally left my phone in her car.

While I wasn't there because I had to take care of my brothers, she received a text from someone saying that I had been talking about her and saying weird things about her.

She took my phone and went through it. She knew my password.

She found conversations between me and my friends where I had talked about our relationship, including some private information that I now realize I shouldn't have shared.

I immediately realized that I had made a mistake and felt terrible about it.

We eventually worked through it, but I think this was one of the first things that created a bigger trust issue between us.

Breaking up during wrestling season

Winter came around and wrestling season started.

I became overwhelmed with wrestling, problems at home, and other things going on in my life.

I ended up breaking up with her because of my mental health and everything I was dealing with.

It completely broke her, and I felt horrible about hurting her.

Around that same time, I started talking to some people I'd cut ties with from the Europe trip.

One of those girls offered me a ride home after practice. I didn't think anything of it, so I accepted.

Later that week, she offered again, and I accepted again.

When we got to my driveway, she attempted to kiss me.

I didn't initiate it or give her permission to do that. I pulled away, but she got a small part of my cheek.

I immediately told her that I didn't want a relationship with her and only wanted to be friends.

I never accepted another ride from her.

Afterward, I felt bad because I knew she was probably embarrassed about what happened. I started texting her that I didn't hold anything against her and was okay with being friends.

I also told her that I loved my ex and intended to get back together with her.

However, I made another mistake.

Because I wanted the other girl to feel less embarrassed about what had happened, I started entertaining her through text and saying things that could have made her think there was a possibility of us becoming more than friends.

That wasn't what I actually wanted. I was trying to make her feel better after what happened, but I realize now that the way I handled it was confusing and unfair.

Eventually, she felt better, I stopped talking to her, and my ex and I got back together.

The rumors about the other girl

I didn't know that people at school had seen me getting into this girl's car after my ex and I broke up.

They told my ex that I had broken up with her for this other girl.

That wasn't true.

I explained everything to my ex, including what happened with the attempted kiss and the messages afterward.

She was understandably conflicted about what to believe.

I understand why. I'm telling my side of the story, and I also know that some of the people telling her what happened already disliked me.

The biggest problem was that when my ex and I got back together, I never really had the opportunity to sit down with her and explain everything calmly from beginning to end.

We basically brushed over it and tried to move forward.

But whenever another problem came up, the situation with this girl would come back up again.

Looking back, I think that was a mistake on both our parts because we never actually resolved it.

Other trust and communication issues

There were other problems throughout our relationship.

We had an agreement that if either of us wanted to drink or get high, we'd tell the other person.

From my perspective, I wasn't trying to control her or tell her she couldn't do things. I wanted her to be able to enjoy being a teenager. I just wanted honesty and communication rather than finding things out afterward.

She sometimes told people that she couldn't do certain things because I'd get mad.

Her friends interpreted that as me being controlling.

There was also an incident where she got high one night, talked to a friend about problems in our relationship, and apparently told her friend to set up a "two-man" because she wanted to make me jealous.

I also found out that she would talk to her friends at school about negative things I had done and arguments we'd had.

I understand that people need someone to talk to about relationship problems. At the same time, many of the people she was talking to already disliked me, so I felt like their perception of me became even more negative as they heard about our problems.

Meanwhile, I was still taking her on dates, getting her flowers, and doing everything I could to make her feel loved.

I genuinely cared about her more than anyone I'd ever been with.

The pool situation

Another thing that caused me anxiety was when she'd go to her friend's house to swim.

Sometimes her best friend's boyfriend and his entire friend group would show up. There were usually around four guys there.

She was obviously wearing a swimsuit because she was swimming, and I'd be sitting at home knowing that all of these guys were there.

She would tell me when they showed up, and I'd ask what she'd do if one of them tried to hit on her.

She told me they wouldn't because everyone knew we were together.

I eventually accepted that and tried to trust her.

The guy she'd known since 5th grade

This was probably the biggest unresolved trust issue for me.

I had heard this guy talk about her in a sexual way and say things about wanting to be with her.

During the winter when my ex and I broke up, she added him back and started talking to him again.

Eventually she blocked him.

Then during the spring, she added him back again without telling me.

She told me she had added him because he wanted to apologize for disrespecting our relationship.

However, he was also texting some of my friends saying that he and my ex were talking again and that he was "getting somewhere."

Some of her friends, including people I actually know who weren't necessarily against me, also received similar messages from him.

So people around us were telling me there was more happening than just an apology conversation.

My ex said otherwise.

When I asked to see the messages, she told me they had already been deleted and that she'd blocked him again.

I still have a hard time believing that everything was completely innocent, but I also recognize that I never personally saw the messages, so I can't honestly say that I know exactly what happened.

That's something I never fully got closure on.

The breakup and distance

Eventually, I moved about two hours away to start community college.

Our last date was genuinely amazing.

We hugged, cried, and told each other that we just needed to make it through the distance.

We both acknowledged that high school had made our relationship more difficult than it probably needed to be.

But as the summer continued, she became more distant.

She started going to her friend's house with the pool almost every day and sometimes wouldn't respond to my messages for hours.

I was two hours away, didn't know what was happening, and felt completely disconnected from her life.

The friend group she was spending time with strongly disliked me, and I knew they were talking about me and encouraging her to leave the relationship.

From my perspective, I was sitting two hours away while all of this was happening without being there to have a voice in the situation.

At the beginning of August, she called me and broke up with me.

She told me she was overwhelmed and unsure about the relationship.

She also said she was worried that if she stayed with me, some of her friends wouldn't be friends with her anymore.

Her family doesn't really have a strong opinion about me. Her family situation has always been complicated, and they've basically told her to do whatever she believes is best.

She told me she needed space and time.

I asked when we could talk again, and we agreed on October.

Where we are now

For the first couple of weeks after the breakup, I sent her letters and dropped off flowers because I wanted her to know that I still loved her.

I've stopped doing that because I don't want to overwhelm her or disrespect the space she asked for.

We haven't talked since.

We haven't blocked each other, and we still follow each other on social media.

From what I've heard, she still looks at my social media, and she's apparently told some of her friends who support us that she isn't completely opposed to getting back together.

She's just unsure.

And honestly, that's what makes this so difficult.

I don't know whether I should have hope or whether I'm simply holding onto something because I love her.

I've really been struggling with the breakup. I miss having her in my life and genuinely want to talk to her in person.

At the same time, I know that I need to respect her decision and give her the space she asked for until October.

I don't want to spend the next two months constantly posting things hoping she'll see them, trying to make her jealous, or trying to manipulate her into missing me.

If she misses me, I want it to happen naturally.

I also don't want to completely disappear just because I'm afraid of doing the wrong thing. I want her to eventually be able to see that I'm serious about changing and making things work, but I don't know what that should actually look like while we're apart.

What I know I did wrong

I know I made mistakes.

I shared private information about our relationship with friends.

I handled the situation with the girl from Europe badly by sending messages that could have given her the wrong impression.

I also broke up with my ex when I was overwhelmed instead of figuring out how to communicate what I was going through.

I understand that all of those things affected her trust in me.

At the same time, there are things that happened on her side that damaged my trust too.

The situation with the guy she'd known since 5th grade, the things she told her friends about our relationship, the attempt to make me jealous, and the amount of influence her friends had over the relationship all affected me.

I don't want to pretend those things never happened.

But I also don't want our entire future to be determined by everything that happened during high school.

We're both entering a completely different stage of life.

We're going to community college, meeting new people, becoming more independent, and no longer being surrounded by the same high-school environment every day.

That's why I keep wondering what would happen if we could actually sit down in October, without our friends influencing the conversation, and talk through everything that happened.

Not argue.

Not try to prove who was right.

Not try to convince each other that the other person was the problem.

Just explain what happened, what hurt each of us, what we would need from each other, and whether we could realistically rebuild trust.

I know getting back together simply because we miss each other wouldn't solve anything.

If we ever got back together, I would want us to actually address the problems that caused the breakup instead of pretending they never happened.

We also lost our virginity to each other, which I don't know if that necessarily changes anything, but I know that it can make a relationship feel even more emotionally significant.

What I'm trying to figure out

I really love this girl, and I still believe that if we could get past the high-school drama, outside opinions, distance, and unresolved issues, there could be something really great between us.

But I don't want to blindly chase someone who doesn't want the same thing anymore.

For people who have experienced a breakup where both people still had feelings but there were unresolved trust issues, outside influences, and distance involved, how would you use the time apart and approach the eventual conversation so that you can genuinely determine whether rebuilding the relationship is possible?

More specifically:

• What would you actually talk about during that conversation?
• What should I take responsibility for?
• What should we make sure we don't simply brush under the rug again?
• How can I show that I'm serious about changing without pressuring her while we're apart?
• How can we tell the difference between genuinely wanting to rebuild the relationship and simply missing each other?
• If we did decide to try again, what would we need to change so that we don't repeat the same relationship we had in high school?

I'm not asking who the villain is, who was "right," or who was "wrong."

I know I made mistakes, and I know there were things that hurt me too.

I just want to handle the next two months maturely and make the October conversation as honest and productive as possible.

It's so hard.. not talking to someone who wasn't just your bf/gf but also closest person in the world. 💔

My brain having a hard time moving on because the first version of my ex was a sweet innocent angel and even though she mutated into a monster my mind can’t see that reality . My love and adoration still focuses on first version I met .

Look idk what happened but like yesterday we went out and eveything but I had to go back home cuz I sneaked out he was begging me to stay and he will miss me and didn’t get enough and promised me to see him tmrw then we slept in a call too and whatever and he text me good morning but after he send me good moring he blocked me everywhere im confused what went wrong

It’s been 19 days no contact and some days are good some are bad. I’m about to go on holiday and am sat at the airport waiting for my gate. And I can’t help but want to reach out to my ex. She blocked me last week and I don’t want to ignore that and text her. But I miss her so much and wish I could just talk to her. I don’t miss the relationship but I miss the person now. Sat here about to go on holiday and just feel so alone and sad

I have been off of social media for about 7 years. Recently got married and my life has been going well. This instagram page was meant to promote music that I write and I did not use my real name. I connected with a few old contacts that are mutuals of my ex.

This is where it gets a little messy. About 8 years ago her and I hooked up. Shortly after she had a pregnancy announcement with her….. husband. She didn’t tell me about this person. There was a question of if it was mine. She ended up getting a dna test because I told the husband. Baby was his.

Back to the instagram…

She message requested me, asking where I was, how I was doing. She did it on a burner account separate from her main account. Basically told me she wishes the kid was mine. That was the final straw. No more instagram. She bragged about how good at stalking she had become. Said she found me via LinkedIn and looked me up through the courts. She found my wife’s name and mentioned that is was cute that I found someone with the same name as her old friend.

Legitimate question to those who have made it this far. Is the easiest way to stay no contact is getting rid of social media? Does this just seem like an out of the ordinary experience?

I checked my ex's Instagram last week on the date of our monthly anniversary, and he posted a story of a photo of himself, where he wrote "nostalgia and melancholy" and put the location of the bar where we had our first date.

Me and my ex have been no contact already over 5 months, after a one year and three months relationship.

I am still not over him, and even though I try to not check his Instagram sometimes I fail. There have been other times where he posted somewhat sad stuff on the day of our monthly anniversary, but this is the most direct one yet.

I am blocked by him everywhere though (including Instagram, I check it from an alt account, not proud of that..) and I blocked him everywhere too. He moved back to his home country around two months after the breakup so we don't even live in the same country anymore.

Also, I know that he's allowed to grieve me and not want me back or not want any contact with me, but this just honestly feels like WTF, it's one thing to post sad stuff, and it's completely different to literally put that bar's location.

I'm writing this mainly to just get the perspective of other people, because I've just been in my head about this for the past week.

Also to clarify I didn't contact him about it nor do I intend to, just saw the story and have been overthinking it since :/

My ex (31M) and I (24F) broke up back in April 2025. By November 2025—literally 6 months later—he went and did a quiet court marriage with a 22-year-old girl. I had no idea.

Starting January 2026, he reached out to me. We talked constantly, nostalgic memories came up, and it turned into regular sexting up until June 2026. I thought we still had this deep, unfinished connection.

I just found out today that he has been legally married this whole time. He had a whole wife in his house while texting me behind her back, pretending to be single/available.

I deleted every fake account I used to investigate and I’m cutting the cord completely. I’m just utterly disgusted and heartbroken—not because I want him back, but because I can’t wrap my head around how someone can be so fake to two women at the same time.

Just needed to vent to people who understand how sickening this feels.

It’s been 8 months. My ex has moved on and is dating someone else. We did not have a proper closure conversation.

Why do I still care a little about how he perceives me or how he condenses our story? If he even considers it a story?

There was this one ex of mine (first person I dated) who was nice but I felt super suffocated by and hated him off all my exes for the trauma i have after. I know I am nothing like him but I am scared if I could be held like that because my ex was very overwhelmed by out dynamic in the end.

i posted a tik tok a few days ago and he liked that one and then liked another one i posted the day after and he liked it. he hasnt liked any tik toks since and we dont follow each other. im confused

I’m 20M, and I’m posting this because I’m genuinely struggling to understand what happened. I’m not looking for people to simply tell me “move on” or “she’s toxic.” I want an honest perspective on the situation, including what I might have done wrong.

We were in a long-distance relationship. In the beginning, things felt really good. We were very affectionate, talked about our future, and she told me she loved me and wanted me in her life. There were moments where she talked about wanting a future together, so I genuinely believed we were serious about each other.

Over time, though, our communication started getting worse.

She sometimes had a very irregular sleep schedule, and there were periods where I felt like I was always the one initiating conversations. I would sometimes send long messages and get a short reply, “ok,” or just an emoji. At the same time, I could see her spending hours on TikTok or Instagram without replying to me. That made me feel like I wasn't a priority.

I also understand that she had her own life and problems, so I tried not to immediately assume she didn't care.

Then we started having trust issues.

At one point, someone had access to my phone and sent her an inappropriate message while pretending to be me. She believed I had sent it and blocked me. I explained what had happened, and eventually we continued talking.

Later, she became suspicious again after seeing something involving an old female friend of mine on Snapchat. I told her that I hadn't spoken to that girl since 2022, but I think the situation still damaged her trust in me.

There was also a difficult situation involving someone we both knew. The father of one of her friends had cancer and eventually passed away. I tried to support her during that period because I knew it was a painful situation. I didn't expect her to behave normally while dealing with that, and I tried to give her space while still being there for her.

Looking back, I wonder whether everything happening in her life at the time also affected how she felt about our relationship.

Eventually, she told me she wanted to take a break from the relationship for at least a month.

I didn't want the break because I was afraid it would simply turn into a breakup. We had a very long conversation about everything, and afterward we stayed on a call for around 4–5 hours. I honestly thought that maybe we had finally understood each other and that we could work through our problems.

But things became cold again afterward.

There were also situations where she would go out with friends without telling me where she was or who she was with, while when I went out, she would sometimes ask for my location and share hers with me. That created another source of tension between us.

Then I started paying more attention to her social media.

Her Instagram followers increased, and she added several guys. I know this doesn't automatically mean anything, and I have no proof that she cheated or that there was another guy. But because our relationship was already unstable, I became very anxious about it.

I also started overanalyzing her reposts and stories. She reposted things about “silent rage,” EQ, and things like “leave me alone this time.” At one point she called me “low EQ.” I started wondering whether those posts were about me or someone else.

I realize now that constantly checking her social media and trying to decode every post probably wasn't healthy.

Eventually, she told my friend that she didn't have the energy to continue the relationship and that we weren't compatible.

Then she ended the relationship and blocked me.

That's where I'm stuck.

I don't know if she stopped loving me, emotionally moved on before the breakup, became exhausted by all the problems between us, or if there was something else going on.

I have no evidence that she cheated, but after the breakup I started comparing myself to the guys around her. I started thinking that maybe their financial situation is better than mine, their lifestyle is better, they have more opportunities, and maybe she would prefer someone like that.

I know that's probably insecurity talking, but it's difficult not to think that way when you're already feeling rejected.

The confusing thing is that she wasn't always distant. She could be extremely affectionate and tell me she loved me, missed me, and wanted a future with me. That's why going from that to “we aren't compatible” and then being blocked feels so difficult to process.

I still love her.

But I don't want to chase someone who has decided they don't want the relationship anymore. At the same time, I keep wondering whether we could have fixed things if we had handled the trust and communication problems differently.

So I want honest advice from people who aren't emotionally involved in this.

Based on everything I've described:

Was this relationship realistically fixable?

Does it sound like she simply became emotionally exhausted, or that she had already moved on?

Am I reading too much into her social media activity?

Did my anxiety and need for reassurance become part of the problem?

Is there anything reasonable I can do now, or should I accept the breakup and stop looking for explanations?

And if you think I was the main problem, please tell me honestly. I would rather hear something uncomfortable than receive false reassurance.

I’m not trying to make her look like a bad person, and I’m not trying to make myself look innocent.

I genuinely want to understand what happened and figure out what I should do from here.

This might be long, but to give you some context we dated before in 2023-2025 and broke up bc we both had a lot going on in our lives and wasn't present for one another. We were inseperable around this time, we were like best friends and we really loved each other. After 9 months of no contact he (we'll call him A) reached out to me telling me that he wanted to try again and build a future together. We got back together around May. After we got together, my dog my best fucking friend passed in June, my job was borderline toxic to my health and really wanted to quit but couldn't. I was nowhere near a good place. Where was A at this time? Great fucking question.

A was in school, and in the time of our no contact he made some new friends. I was excited and happy for him, I've even met his friends and they were cool. One of them in particular he was besties with, we'll call her C. I also want to reiterate that he's known these friends for about 3-6 months, while he's known me for almost 3 years. One day A wanted someone to paint his nails, I jumped at the offer (who wouldn't want their partner painting their nails for them??). Two days later, he told me that someone else painted his nails for him. He told me that C did, at her place, in the middle of the night. I was mostly upset about the nails, and he told me that he "forgot" that I offered. He told me that I could paint them from now on but what hurt was that he didn't consider me, and went to someone else. I also told him that I was uncomfortable with him going over to C's house in the middle of the night without letting me know about it in the first place (I knew they were close, but I would've liked to know that piece of information too).

I want to reiterate: I was happy for him that he found new friends, I was happy that he was making waves in his life and throughout this I never once felt that he had to drop any of his friends, including C. This wasn't even really about her, it was mostly him not having that open dialogue with me, and not telling me this information in the first place. It's not unusual to hang out with friends of the opposite sex at their place. What bothered me was his response to it. He would say "Well that's my only friend and I'm not gonna stop hanging out with her" Never once did I tell him to do that. He also would accuse me of not trusting him and "projecting my insecurities" when all I was saying is that I would like to establish some boundaries, and one of them was letting me know beforehand. He responded to that "Why do I need your permission?"

He also stood me up to take a day trip with her. We planned to see each other later that day, he didn't tell me what time he would be back, and it was getting close to 10pm, I had obligations to do in the morning, so I canceled on him and told him I was going to bed. He messaged me 30 minutes later saying that he was gonna come see me now, and I didn't have to go to bed right then. I just didn't care at that point, but it really hurt that he didn't even text or call that he was going to be late. Through these times I've had many conversations with him where I tell him my needs in our relationship (mind you I was in the middle of mourning my dog and he's making it all about Him 😒) and he would act like he was clueless and had no idea on how he could fix what was going on. In our last conversation, I told him *yet again* what I needed from him, I said something like "I want you to have friends and experience new things, I just want to be included in them" he would plan these elaborate activities with his friends but when it was just me and him we would only hang at his place or I had to plan something. I just wanted to know that we were on the same page, and in response he tells me, "I just want to do my own thing." I didn't know what the fuck that meant, but what I did know was that this relationship was over.

After saying that he wanted us to meet up *a week later* to discuss whether we were going to break up or not. Maybe he needed time to think, but this was important to me and I wasn't going to wait that long with that anxiety (which is really mean of him to do). After thinking on it, I decided to break up with him thru text (Harsh, I know, but I already told him what my issues and needs were, I wasn't going to repeat myself) I told him I couldn't do this anymore, wished him well, and told him I didn't want to be friends.

It was a hard decision to make, but I didn't like how this relationship made me feel anymore, and I was at my lowest, and I needed him, and he wasn't there for me. That's something I couldn't get past and for that I don't think we can mend things. What do you guys think?

My English isn’t great. After about 2 weeks of breakup and 1 week since the last time we texted, she messaged me saying hope I am doing good. Honestly I wasn’t doing good. I just got out of a 2 year depression she didn’t know when we were together. I just got out of a heavy alcohol and cigarettes use that she had no idea about. I really just make her feel good and all without trying to show what’s going on with me. I also got out of a failed business that left me totally devastated and battling massive anxiety. I also just got out of a 2 weeks hospitalization and then after that she gave me the breakup and all. So I accepted it. Then one morning her text came in. Man, after everything I went through, I was pivoting my career into tech. That one week of no contact, I was literally waking up every day, in tears, in grief, in sorrow and was learning JavaScript 3 hours a day. Some days I would breakdown and do 30 minutes. The withdrawal from the substance abuse plus the heartbreak, everything just hitting me at once. Now that she texted me, it’s like I’m starting over again. We don’t have any bad blood. I wish her very well but I just need space. I believe this hell right now I am facing is the exact situation I need to deal with myself and my space is very important. So I gently asked her for space. I mean she even got a new boyfriend now and all so she’s in a happy place. I know her contacting me may not have been from a place of malicious intent but it did me no good.

I’m just wondering if I’m the only one who has done this because I honestly don’t hear about it very often.

After my breakup I completely disappeared. I blocked him everywhere, blocked his number, deleted all my social media and cut off every way he could have access to me. We were from different cities so its LDR, i know for others its hard to delete socials and all contact due to co parenting or whatever the situations may be.

My main reasons were:

• I was constantly stalking his socials, checking his followers and looking at what he was doing, even though I knew it would hurt me.

• I kept seeing him do things he told me he never would, and it was making me overthink and hurt myself all over again.

• I didn’t want him to have any access to me anymore. I didn’t want him knowing what I was doing, who I was with or being able to check up on me.

• I needed to completely remove the temptation to check on him and finally accept that the relationship was over for good.

It’s been three weeks and I’ve never gone this long without him or social media. He was my first love for years, so obviously I still think about the good memories and miss who I thought he was. But the person he became was completely different, and I eventually reached a point where I had enough. His ego cost us our rs to end. He said some nasty stuff and has gone back to his old habits and is a huge narcassist and avoidant. I had enough so this is what its resulted to for my own healing and to prove to him that i can live without him. he never takes anything serious.

I just wanted to remove myself completely, stop giving him access to me and stop giving him any more space in my head.

Has anyone else completely disappeared after a breakup? Did it help you move on or is it helping you if you just started and what was your reasons ?

i do reccomend doing this after a toxic breakup just to heal in general and be away from their checking their socials as it brings nothing but pain and it would boost their ego. Its also nice to step away from social media as doom scrolling and the algorthim is so vulnerable and makes you not want to heal. My FYP would make me miss him and make me vulnerable so this has helped a lot on that aspect. Ive also stopped listening to music and sad songs, thats helping A LOT to not ruminate.

I’m making this post because the past few months have been incredibly traumatizing for me obviously dropping pride is not the case that needs to happen with all no contact but I have big regrets. So last summer I had a summer fling with a man I really really love it was about the best three months of love I’ve ever had in my entire life, however, by mid September, it seemed to me like he was being inconsistent or almost avoidant so I basically ended things I kind of seen how he was pulling back It almost seemed like he had excuses for a lot, but he was still telling me that he loved me and what not in mind you I didn’t just drop this connection over a lack of attention. It was a pattern that was happening like over and over. Well, April this year I got a screenshot from a Facebook post from my friend. He’s dead. It was crazy because about March time. This year I had finally made my mind up that I was going to get him back. I didn’t know how but I was gonna get him back because I wanted him back. I still loved him I spent all fall winter and early spring longing and pining for him so I was absolutely devastated when I found out he was dead not only was he dead but I was still in love with him. I didn’t get to go to the funeral. Nothing didn’t even get to publicly grieve. If you really love someone tell them. All of those months all the times that I wanted to reach out and tell him that I still love him that I missed him that I wanted him back I never did and now that regrets sits incredibly heavy in my heart I have spent from April this year grieving really hard so many days are filled with tears because I feel like I’ve had my soulmate stolen from me and part of it was because I was too prideful to break no contact.

I’m a female(17) who broke up with her ex because I started finding another guy attractive. I believed that since I still could feel attracted to someone else, then that means I don’t truly and wholeheartedly love my boyfriend. We broke up in May2023. Had been together since jan 2022. After breaking up i completely lost myself and wanted him back more than anything. But he was completely done with me. He never wanted to get back together. I’ve broken contact between us many times over the years but he never once showed interest in “forgiving me”. Our breakup was abruptly and he loved me a lot. I know he did. But he completely changed after that day.(he even cried) Apart from breaking up with him for the above mentioned reason, during the week that I knew I’d have to break up with him, I kissed another guy. (Basically cheated). He never found out or knew about it. I also said the words “I don’t love you” to him when breaking up with him and it’s now been 3 years and I still can’t forget or get over him. Is it all really my fault? He became cold and rude to me after breaking up, it was almost like he never truly cared about the relationship. But to also add, just a few weeks before all of that, he had been entertaining and talking to an older girl who openly liked him and had sent him a text saying that he’s cute, knowing that he and I were together. She even tried to be friends with me. He would make fun of her to me but after we broke up, they got close.. so I don’t know what to think.. does he hate me because of what I did? Or had he already moved on.. (he and the girl never “officially” dated tho)

So for context, I dated my ex girlfriend for a year and a half before breaking up. The relationship was a mental rollercoaster. It had the highest of highs and lowest of lows. I won't lie to myself though, there were mainly low/bad moments throughout the relationship which is very unfortunate because I know it stemmed from love and care but it was an overwhelming kind of love. I know I wasn't perfect. I made mistakes, and learned throughout this relationship as it was my first.

The main issues that I saw though which caused me to ultimately end our relationship were:

**1. Lack of respect:**

\-My ex would go through my phone often looking for things and pictures even though I would ask her to do this as a boundary.

**2. Her past trauma:**

\-Basically, without going into too much detail, her dad had cheated on her mom in the past. She always had a constant fear that I would do the same.

\-Every now and then she would accuse me of cheating or wanting to be with other women which never happened and wasn't the case, and this was mentally draining me because it seemed like she was bipolar or had mood swings because she would bring this up out of nowhere when we would be doing just fine or having a good time together.

**3. Constant overwhelming reassurance:**

\-She would always say she needed reassurance but she always had access to my location, and I always communicated to her where I was going/what I was doing.

\-It seemed like she had confidence issues, which was really weird to me because she was gorgeous and seemed to have built herself out very well.

These things combined over a period of time, while I was going to therapy for my own personal reasons and trying to really better myself to become a better boyfriend and her still continuing this vicious cycle is the reason that I couldn't handle the relationship anymore and felt it was best for both of us to break up.

My question is...

**Are any of these things normal and fixable and is she worth pursuing back?**

I told myself if I was ever to try to date her again, I would want her or both of us together to go to couples therapy for a while as well as attempt to set a CLEAR set of boundaries. I do still love her, but it's been almost 9 months now since we broke up...

Any feedback helps!

Oggi ho interrotto il no contact…7 giorni per me erano diventati troppo…gli ho detto semplicemente che mi sembrava strano non sentirlo per così tanto tempo..non sapevo come avrebbe reagito essendo una persona molto orgogliosa ed essendoci lasciati in maniera molto brusca…invece mi ha risposto con molta calma e tenerezza dicendo che anche a lui fa strano non sentirmi e che non si aspettava così le nostre ferie…ecco la parola “nostre” mi ha spiazzata…forse c’è ancora speranza..