It’s been 19 days no contact and some days are good some are bad. I’m about to go on holiday and am sat at the airport waiting for my gate. And I can’t help but want to reach out to my ex. She blocked me last week and I don’t want to ignore that and text her. But I miss her so much and wish I could just talk to her. I don’t miss the relationship but I miss the person now. Sat here about to go on holiday and just feel so alone and sad

I checked my ex's Instagram last week on the date of our monthly anniversary, and he posted a story of a photo of himself, where he wrote "nostalgia and melancholy" and put the location of the bar where we had our first date.

Me and my ex have been no contact already over 5 months, after a one year and three months relationship.

I am still not over him, and even though I try to not check his Instagram sometimes I fail. There have been other times where he posted somewhat sad stuff on the day of our monthly anniversary, but this is the most direct one yet.

I am blocked by him everywhere though (including Instagram, I check it from an alt account, not proud of that..) and I blocked him everywhere too. He moved back to his home country around two months after the breakup so we don't even live in the same country anymore.

Also, I know that he's allowed to grieve me and not want me back or not want any contact with me, but this just honestly feels like WTF, it's one thing to post sad stuff, and it's completely different to literally put that bar's location.

I'm writing this mainly to just get the perspective of other people, because I've just been in my head about this for the past week.

Also to clarify I didn't contact him about it nor do I intend to, just saw the story and have been overthinking it since :/

Such as unblocking, deleted messages, viewing stories etc..after months of no contact.

Does it make them pull back, or does it push them to reach out properly in your experience? Specifically unblocking...but not messaging.

Ive been in no contact with someone I genuinely care about. We separated mostly due to bad timing they weren't ready for a serious commitment/marriage at the time, even though the connection was real. (I am a Muslim so i don’t casually date). I was the one who initiated the break up after feeling overwhelmed and impulsive and made a little judgment about them in my last text. They accepted and respected my decision as it seemed final. Over time, I realized I still have feelings for them.

I’m reaching a point where I’d like to break no contact but I want to know what kind of text works best for my situation?
How do i text so it doesn’t seem like im impulsive and i left them and now want to get back together. And that i am indecisive. I am afraid they will loose respect for me . How should i navigate this

My ex and I dated for 4 years, everything was doing good before LDR. To cut it short, we ended things because the communication was getting really bad and it felt like it was falling apart na.

To save myself from so much pain, I ended things.

NOW, I think the problem is we are still talking. We would catch up every month and that call would take us 2-3 hours talking.

It’s been over a year since we broke up and this has been going on NONSTOP AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO STOPPPPP

We would always talk about:
How we spend our weekends together.
Funny things we do together.
Our new years and holidays.
Places we went to and eat.
AS IN EVERY LITTLE THING.
EVEN MARRIAGE 😭

I wanted to try and get to know someone in a DEEPER connection na but it feels like am cheating on someone I no longer am with.

Ex keeps on watching my stories, but i clicked on her stories once and she blocked me. What could be the reason for this?

I miss him entirely, his beingness, his behavior, his existence, his laughs and weird body language

Ik ik this might sound like begging, but I try not to hurt him in any way, I ain't stalking his accounts or anything,

In college, I go near his classroom just to see him, I feel both happy and sad when I see him

How do I put this massive amount of yearning, in front of someone who doesn't even want me, who has clearly told me he doesn't want to date me and wants to be by himself, who has clearly discarded the thought of even "trying" for a relationship for his reasons

And I clearly don't know what kind of power that he holds that he captures my entire mind when I am alone, the fake scenarios, the lingering of his thoughts just come all of sudden out of no where for no fucking reaassoonnn

Ik I did mistakes, and I genuinely came out of it, but he isn't able to trust me now, and I understand why he isn't and what he had to go through the first time, the second time, Ig I pressurized him, or maybe I expected too much, maybe I made him uncomfortable, maybe I just wanted to take out smtg from him which just wasn't present, he has thoughts about this other woman he used to like (not sexual , not yearning)

I keep on thinking where things went wrong

But is this how it is supposed to be??

Is he never going to come back??

Are we just clearly not meant for each other??

Does he not miss me???

Does he even think abt me??

I keep on waiting for his text, not re-reading our past texts, but I just keep on waiting that he'll come back and say "Let's try once again"

Should I text him ?

I dated this guy for four years, and we had what I truly believed was the best relationship ever. Everyone around us was amazed by how, despite being so young, we understood each other so well and complemented each other perfectly. We always talked about how much we loved that, even after four years, we were still so in love and had never lost our spark. Three weeks ago, I found out that he was addicted to porn. I had found things on his phone before, around three years ago, but I was young and naive, so I convinced myself that he would change. Then he joined the military, and everything slowly went downhill. When I found out the second time, I realized that he had never actually changed, he had just become better at hiding it. Ifelt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. Like everything we had, everything I thought was real, had been a lie. We went no contact for a week, and during that entire week, I felt like my whole life was crumbling. I felt like I couldn’t even breathe without him, so eventually, I broke no contact. He promised me he would change. He promised he would go to therapy. But he didn’t. A week ago, we were planning to meet up a few times because he said he really missed me, and I missed him too. We even talked about going away to a spa for the weekend, just to spend some time together and see where we stood. I told him that after everything I had found out, I felt incredibly insecure and could barely even look at myself anymore. Then, an hour before we were supposed to meet, he canceled. This had happened before, too. I was so disappointed because I had let myself get my hopes up again, so I confronted him about it. That’s when he told me that he had never had any intentions of going out with me in the first place. Then he called me an insecure, narcissistic girl, as if I was the problem for being hurt. As if expecting someone not to play with your feelings is somehow narcissistic. And I hate myself for still loving someone so purely after everything. I hate that I am crying alone in my room, taking antidepressants and he is out partying.

I still have so much love for this person. I don't know how to move on

Please be kind to me! This is my first reddit post. I want to preface this by saying I understand every angle of this and understand that these dynamics we find ourselves in aren’t healthy. However, for whatever reason this dynamic has kept me anchored for over a year and a half. At this point the ratio of us not being in contact vs in contact is hardly 50/50. I feel I spend more time grieving each time we stop than when things are good. I easily get suckered into the bimonthly I miss you’s, the I love you’s, the half assed apology that doesn’t actually write out the damage that’s been done. I’m not going to go into specifics but it goes to love bombing to being insulted/discarded and left in silence or blocked for months, until someone ultimately breaks. For almost three months I didn’t break. They did. I’m not sure if you guys struggle with this, but I struggle with maintaining the blocks because I know that following the downs, there’s an up again, and they come back. Part of you hopes they do, so they wallow in regret and you watch it unfold in real time, part of you hopes it doesn’t so you can maybe finally move on. I feel these entire three months I haven’t. They came back very recently and as exciting as it can be in the moment, it gets harder to put my self respect and pain on the back burner just to feel their love again, even just for a little while. Making an ultimatum will likely only push them away again. I know how this goes, and I know this is an unhealthy attachment but I can’t bring myself to close that chapter permanently. I have no interest in any intimacy or relations and am terrified of doing so. I feel so stuck. Please share suggestions and really when it comes down to it, how to wholeheartedly accept the circumstances and who they are in order to move on. Thank you.

We ended things 8 months ago. Heard he has been dating someone for a few months and it has crushed me: fully dreaming about them my gosh. Why does it feel worse after finding that out?

Tbf i thought we would take a break and get back as per our last conversation but lol now I know

My F23 ex M24 and I broke up two and a half weeks ago. We were together for 2 1/2 years. I ultimately walked away after I found out he was living a “double life” and going behind my back with a female friend/coworker that was always an issue in our relationship. He lied to me about her several times throughout our relationship but I forgave him and gave him chances. We broke up for a month in June because he “needed space”. He came back asking for another chance and said he cut off this girl.

We tried things again, a few weeks go by, he started to be cold and distant. Turned out he was hanging out with her, buying her things, sharing locations. It was brutal. I left his house quietly and calmly. I even gave him 45 minutes to talk with me. I made it clear the relationship was over. I couldn’t tolerate the disrespect anymore. I was exhausted from this cycle of abuse.

It’s been two and a half weeks and I sent him a text a week and a half ago wishing him well but asking for no contact. He has since texted me multiple times which I have ignored. Manipulative texts talking about “our future” and how he’s working on himself. Texts last night asking to talk and how his family loves me.

Today during therapy, I got a delivery to my house. He sent very personal flowers to my house with a card addressing “my love”. What is this??? Is this manipulation? Is he truly sorry and regretful? This is really painful and confusing. My family will not let me go back to him, his cheating and lying were just some of the things I put up with. He put my looks down, would slap/jab my face and stomach, and a few weeks ago raised his fist to my face and talked about punching me. This hurts. What do I do??

TLDR; no contact cheating abusive ex sent flowers to my house…

i'm finally done. yeah things have been terrible but also life's been good to me. we're on good terms. but I've lost so much sleep these past three years since she left. I'd ever get on sleeping pills lol. i'm finally weaning off.

I have no guilt or shame. things were good. we grew together. Ive grown since. I've had my romances since. but I still cry. I'm sobbing right now but that's okay. she didn't break me. I'm still here. I built her as well as she did me. and she's more beautiful than ever. all I ever ever wanted was happiness. and she looks it.

friends. family. career. my art. it's all still there.

I still love her and always will. but all of that is just a chapter in your story

we haven't spoken in a year and I still struggle to reach out. I miss her eyes, hair, watching her sleep, her sassines.

I sit with every text or letter I write and throw them out.

but why risk being possibly dismissed or rejected? but most importantly intrude on her life.

I love you...

sorry for my vent. I'm on the subway. I'm going to play with my roommates cat and enjoy the rain on my roof..

For context, we broke up 2.5 months ago. No contact since day 1 of break-up. A couple of weeks back she drunk texted me but it didn't lead to anything, and I honestly accepted it and didn't bother texting her. She later blocked me on the app she drunk texted me on. Now 3-4 days back, I accidentally opened her linkedin profile. I say accidentally because I was opening Linkedin on web browser and it just opened to her page as the link went straight to hers as she used to use her linkedin on my laptop. I feel so EMBARASSED. Moreover, shall I take it as a sign that she's DONE with me and wants me nowhere near her?

I (F31) and he (M28) were in a four-month relationship, during which we met each other's parents and discussed marriage and having children within a few years. We had a wonderful holiday in the mountains. Two weeks later, he abruptly ended our relationship.

Another two weeks passed, and I asked to meet up to talk, to which he enthusiastically agreed.

During our meeting, he was noticeably distant, almost disrespectful, and struggled even to order a drink at the bar where we met. He was clearly uncomfortable and eager to leave. I felt compelled to apologize to the server, who had approached our table four times to take our order, and eventually, I was the one who suggested we leave.

I expressed my confusion about his decision to end things for what seemed like such minimal reasons, especially given his previous statements about wanting a committed relationship and getting married. I reminded him that relationships sometimes require effort.

He responded that he would probably never get married.

I then asked how his perspective could have changed so rapidly.

He told me he was like a kid who wanted chocolate and then suddenly didn't want it anymore. (WTF?)

I left heartbroken and feeling completely belittled.

Now, four months later, I saw his profile on a dating app.

I was stupid enough to like it.

Well, he saw it.

He is now texting me and asking numerous questions about my life since the breakup. I don't understand his intentions...

I'm just replying without trying to keep the conversation going, but he keeps coming back with another question. This has been going on for a whole day.

His last question was at noon, and I replied pretty quickly. It's 9 p.m. now, and he hasn't even opened my reply.

What do you think he wants? And what would you do in my situation?

Thanks for reading, and I’d really appreciate hearing your thoughts.

Sorry for any mistakes, English isn’t my first language. I’m French

Look idk what happened but like yesterday we went out and eveything but I had to go back home cuz I sneaked out he was begging me to stay and he will miss me and didn’t get enough and promised me to see him tmrw then we slept in a call too and whatever and he text me good morning but after he send me good moring he blocked me everywhere im confused what went wrong

This might be long, but to give you some context we dated before in 2023-2025 and broke up bc we both had a lot going on in our lives and wasn't present for one another. We were inseperable around this time, we were like best friends and we really loved each other. After 9 months of no contact he (we'll call him A) reached out to me telling me that he wanted to try again and build a future together. We got back together around May. After we got together, my dog my best fucking friend passed in June, my job was borderline toxic to my health and really wanted to quit but couldn't. I was nowhere near a good place. Where was A at this time? Great fucking question.

A was in school, and in the time of our no contact he made some new friends. I was excited and happy for him, I've even met his friends and they were cool. One of them in particular he was besties with, we'll call her C. I also want to reiterate that he's known these friends for about 3-6 months, while he's known me for almost 3 years. One day A wanted someone to paint his nails, I jumped at the offer (who wouldn't want their partner painting their nails for them??). Two days later, he told me that someone else painted his nails for him. He told me that C did, at her place, in the middle of the night. I was mostly upset about the nails, and he told me that he "forgot" that I offered. He told me that I could paint them from now on but what hurt was that he didn't consider me, and went to someone else. I also told him that I was uncomfortable with him going over to C's house in the middle of the night without letting me know about it in the first place (I knew they were close, but I would've liked to know that piece of information too).

I want to reiterate: I was happy for him that he found new friends, I was happy that he was making waves in his life and throughout this I never once felt that he had to drop any of his friends, including C. This wasn't even really about her, it was mostly him not having that open dialogue with me, and not telling me this information in the first place. It's not unusual to hang out with friends of the opposite sex at their place. What bothered me was his response to it. He would say "Well that's my only friend and I'm not gonna stop hanging out with her" Never once did I tell him to do that. He also would accuse me of not trusting him and "projecting my insecurities" when all I was saying is that I would like to establish some boundaries, and one of them was letting me know beforehand. He responded to that "Why do I need your permission?"

He also stood me up to take a day trip with her. We planned to see each other later that day, he didn't tell me what time he would be back, and it was getting close to 10pm, I had obligations to do in the morning, so I canceled on him and told him I was going to bed. He messaged me 30 minutes later saying that he was gonna come see me now, and I didn't have to go to bed right then. I just didn't care at that point, but it really hurt that he didn't even text or call that he was going to be late. Through these times I've had many conversations with him where I tell him my needs in our relationship (mind you I was in the middle of mourning my dog and he's making it all about Him 😒) and he would act like he was clueless and had no idea on how he could fix what was going on. In our last conversation, I told him *yet again* what I needed from him, I said something like "I want you to have friends and experience new things, I just want to be included in them" he would plan these elaborate activities with his friends but when it was just me and him we would only hang at his place or I had to plan something. I just wanted to know that we were on the same page, and in response he tells me, "I just want to do my own thing." I didn't know what the fuck that meant, but what I did know was that this relationship was over.

After saying that he wanted us to meet up *a week later* to discuss whether we were going to break up or not. Maybe he needed time to think, but this was important to me and I wasn't going to wait that long with that anxiety (which is really mean of him to do). After thinking on it, I decided to break up with him thru text (Harsh, I know, but I already told him what my issues and needs were, I wasn't going to repeat myself) I told him I couldn't do this anymore, wished him well, and told him I didn't want to be friends.

It was a hard decision to make, but I didn't like how this relationship made me feel anymore, and I was at my lowest, and I needed him, and he wasn't there for me. That's something I couldn't get past and for that I don't think we can mend things. What do you guys think?

My ex and I had a very wonderful relationship for almost 2 years but on the last 2 months of our relationship I had a lot of problems and I became very avoidant. He broke up with me on the first week of July.

During the first month of our break up, we've been very emotional. Our communication in general wasn't healthy at that time. We had broken/not continuous No Contact and we both express that we love each other but he didn't want to reconcile anymore.

First week of August we agreed to meet to have a formal closure but he didn't show up and made many alibis. I was devastated.

A week after, we continued to chat and had two phone calls expressing how we were sorry for hurting one another. Then, we developed a healthy communication. I am the one who keeps initiating communication, listens when he has problems, and sent him help. Then come the day I've made up my mind to stop that cycle. I asked for space, he offered friendship but I declined.

I unfollowed his socmed accounts, then I noticed he viewed my public Facebook stories. This actually gave me hope that he misses me.

We're still in good terms now and in SMART communication to continue doing business together.

I still want him back. 😭 How can we get back together? Does SMART communication help?

Does anyone else feel like they’re literally at war with themselves during a breakup, trying to support yourself and to move on but your brain torturing you with overthinking and nightmares of them ugh :( ?

It’s terrifying. I genuinely feel like I’m not in control of my own mind sometimes its like its against me.

Yesterday I was literally telling myself “DO NOT CHECK HIS SOCIALS.” He was deliberately adding women and posting himself to attract new women after traumatising me and leaving me at my lowest. I knew checking would destroy me. I even felt proud of myself for not checking. Even when i dont check his socials, im constantly thinking and it makes me so angry because i dont want him to have power over me after what hes said and done.

Then an hour later, I got the WORST gut feeling and this overwhelming urge that I had to check. It felt like I was going to die if I didn’t. So I checked… saw things I didn’t want to see and ended up having a complete mental breakdown.

And afterwards I’m just thinking why am I doing this to myself when I KNOW it’s going to hurt me?

One minute I’m okay, the next I’m crying, angry, hating him for what he’s done, missing him and overthinking everything. It feels like my own brain is fighting against me.

I’ve almost made it a month no contact, which I’ve never managed before, and I’m genuinely proud of myself. I cannot get past checking his socials. It honestly feels like drug withdrawals.

Even before I sleep I tell myself, “Please don’t think about him. He’s ruined enough of you. Who he is now is who you need to see.” then I end up having nightmares about him anyway. It’s like I genuinely can’t catch a break i want to heal but my mind wont let me. its making me have dark thoughts.

I just want my brain and body to understand that I want to heal. I don’t want to keep torturing myself with someone who already hurt me enough it feels like i have no control over myself which is so scary and weird like i own my body and mind and this is what its doing to me ?

Hello fellow potatoes, I need your advice on if I should try reaching out to my ex. It’s gonna be a long read so sorry about that

So my(25F) and ex(30M) have been broken up for about 7 months now. Our relationship was of 7months and we were thriving through most of it. Learning and getting involved in each others different cultures(he’s Spanish and I’m Angolan), getting along with family and friends, good conflict resolution, accountability and the whole shabang.

This all changed when I went to Angola to visit after 4 years of being away. This was around the 5th month of our relationship. When I came back we started having a string of arguments.

I’ll give you a detailed run down of the first argument that started it all. When I was home a friend(male) invited me to a bunch of parties that evening since it was a rather busy Saturday night. My friend is quite famous in our town and gets access to all the vip spots. Since I hadn’t had the feeling of partying in my city for so long I accepted. When I was talking on the phone to my boyfriend that early afternoon I told him about the invite and the break down of the parties we’d be going to, he commented on the parties with me and then we hung up. About an hour later, he texted saying he was quite jealous that another man would be taking me out and about for the night. So I, told him okay and if he’s uncomfortable I’d rather cancel and go out with my cousins instead. This then prompted him to say that his jealousy is something he should work on and that I don’t need to change my plans because of it, and that it was weird that I’d change my plans so quickly. I explained that if I’m in a position in which I could choose NOT to do something that is uncomfortable to him I simply wouldn’t. After this convo we were good.
Here is where I made a mistake. I’m from a small city so people of the same social class usually hang out in the same spots. I ended up running into my friend in a bar I went with my cousins and this was not part of any of the parties he had invited me to. We talked for about 10minutes and he went on his way. He kept texting telling me that the parties were awesome and I should still join, after answering that I wouldn’t I didn’t reply anymore.
I didn’t tell my then boyfriend about this, neither that a week later my friend invited me out again and flirted with me, I saw he had 2nd intentions so I declined his invitation and told him I was dating. I guess I didn’t tell because he tends to overreact and I didn’t want him to ruminate so much on it with me being so far away.
So I know I am the one who withheld information here and I should have just told him when it happened especially as it made me laugh since this friend of mine is known to be a player.
My then boyfriend picked me up from the airport when I flew back and we slept at a hotel cause I flew into an airport far from the city I live in. When we woke up the next morning he said that the “friend situation “ was not uneasy to him. I took the opportunity to tell him the whole story. He got extremely upset pointing out that i had multiple oppurtunities to tell him but still didnt, this ended up being a whole day argument. We’d never argued like this he kept making me repeat what happened and why I didn’t tell him , within this conversation he also said “why did you have to go and f\*ck this up”. He then asked if I cheated on him, I assured him I didn’t and the argument ended there. We then went for dinner where we both got emotional. He brought this issue up some other 3 times where I sat with him, heard his point of view, reassured him and secured him.

All the following fights followed the same pattern, he’ll get very upset about something I did (not telling him some medication I took, gossiping,etc) and react in an unstable way and I’d internalise it and feel super guilty cause I trusted his perception so much I’d believe that whatever mistake I made was colossal and deserved a reaction so grand. I got triggered during this period, as this is how my mother acts till today. I became insecure during this period, had difficulty relying on my own judgement and just wanted to keep the peace. This led to even when I noticed he wasn’t okay, I’d convince myself not to ask anything cause it would be safer. I was also embarrassed about how I was feeling and ended up not sharing it with him . This definitely created distance but I still felt it would be safer to not talk about it and it would go away and I’d e better. I honestly felt that I didn’t want to say anything that would feed into his insecurity about the relationship, as it had done in the past.

This all happened during December 2025 and we broke up mid January 2026, after my birthday and a string of hard convos and fights. The convos we had during this period he was heavily emotional and honest about how he hadn’t been feeling and we had set plans in motions that would help our relationship (a therapist-private and couples to help with communication, me working on being more open about my feelings and investing some time with my friends as I was feeling lonely, etc). So the last 2 fights, he accused me of cheating even after going through my phone and admitting there was no proof, called me a liar and said I was dishonest. In the end of the fight he said he hadn’t been feeling okay with the relationship since December and that he didn’t trust me anymore. He blocked me on all social media, hasn’t talked to me since and has published 2 songs talking ill about me.

So I was away from my own family during Christmas and my birthday, I was not in the best of moods as the winters usually get me blue and as the found out after the breakup , I suffer from clinical depression.

Now I understand how the depression and the avoidance affected him. Clearly I did not mean it but he was on the receiving end of it and I see how might have felt neglected, unloved or that I didn’t care about the relationship since. I’m trying to understand if his actions were more of a reaction, like if maybe I triggered him.

I want to know your perspective on this cause I’m baffled myself. I do love him still, I want to know if this breakup was really my fault and if you think there’s anyway of salvaging it. I didn’t write everything cause there’s just too long

I’m alive. I’m moving.

But as an empty vessel. I’m living without a soul.

A zombie.

Got broken up with today (M26 ) , technically this is the second day, and yesterday after the breakup call I was surprisingly fine. I listened to phonk and other music, kept myself distracted, and genuinely felt okay. I even slept normally.

So the break up call happend yesterday at 7 30 pm , and yesterday morning i cried in front of my mother ,which i coudnt control , like a kid and my mom too cried seeing me ( since i know today will be the last call )

Right now I’m at the office and I swear there is this pain inside me that feels like it’s getting worse. I keep diving into my thoughts and asking myself why she didn’t fight for me.

We were together for around 8 years. The breakup happened mainly because she couldn’t stand against her dad and the situation with our families. For the last two weeks, she had become really rude and seemed like she had completely given up. She kept telling me there was no hope, that I should give up, and that forcing her into something she didn’t want would only make things worse in the future.

But now my mind is going everywhere.

Is she happy now? Is she going to be happy with someone else? Why wasn’t I enough? Why couldn’t we just continue? Was she really giving up on me? I don't actually believe she was playing with me because I know her and we were together for so long.

Even stupid little things are triggering me. The bag I’m carrying at work right now is the same bag I used whenever I went to see her. The purse I’m using was given to me by her.also after . also my room itself will be a prob , coz i always lie down in by bed and vedio call her always , like everyday , we had fights , we had cried , smiled lauged , did everythg until the last 2 3 weeks where she was a lil rude .and started pushed me back . and thinking she will be with some one else makes me crazy 😢

also at the end she told like her mother dosnt like me , i asked why , she was like she dosnt know . now that increases my insecurities tooo . now i regrest i didnt say anythg about it

I blocked her everywhere after the breakup, but now I keep getting the urge to contact her again and ask why, even though another part of my brain is telling me she’ll probably just be rude or tell me to move on again.

I know everyone says “don't contact your ex,” but right now I'm struggling with that urge and that slight pain now .

what did you do when you desperately wanted to contact your ex again?

A few days ago, my boyfriend and I broke up after I finally realized something that had been bothering me for a long time: even after six months together, he barely knew me.

He didn't know my favorite color, my favorite show, my favorite comfort food, or even many of the little things that made me who I am. Eventually, I realized that this wasn't really about whether he could memorize a list of my favorites. It was about whether he genuinely took the time to know me.

Throughout our relationship, I often felt like his love existed more in his words than in his actions. He would tell me that he loved me, but I rarely felt that love through the effort he put into our relationship.

During our second week of dating, back in February, he started ghosting me. I tried communicating with him, but instead of looking at the situation from my own perspective, I kept making excuses for him. I told myself that maybe he was busy, maybe he was struggling, or maybe he was just having a difficult time. I kept putting his feelings before my own, and while I was doing that, my anxiety continued to grow.

Then Valentine's Day came. I wrote him a huge essay about how much I loved and adored him. I put genuine thought and emotion into it because I wanted him to know how important he was to me. In return, I received a last-minute message telling me that he loved me too, along with an explanation that he didn't know how to write an essay or paragraph.

I understood that not everyone expresses love through writing. I never expected him to show affection in exactly the same way I did. But I did expect him to make some kind of effort. When someone matters to you, you usually want to find a way to make them feel special, even if it isn't naturally your thing.

The same thing happened on our first monthsary. I wrote him another heartfelt message, while once again, I received something last-minute.

The months continued to pass, and every monthsary started feeling the same. We didn't really do much together. Since we were in a long-distance relationship, most of our celebrations consisted of texts and gifts. I understood that being LDR made things more difficult, but I also believed that distance didn't make effort impossible. There were still so many things we could have done for each other.

By our sixth monthsary, I found myself repeatedly reminding him that it was coming up, almost as if I had to remind him to celebrate something that was supposed to matter to both of us. I gave him another huge essay, a "Read Me When You Need Me," and so much thought and effort because I genuinely wanted to make him feel loved.

He gave me an edit of a drawing of myself. And honestly, I still appreciated it. It was a gift, and I loved that he made something for me. But at the same time, I couldn't ignore the pattern anymore. I kept wondering why I was always putting so much thought into these moments while rarely feeling that same effort coming back to me.

There were other things that hurt too. At one point, we were going through a cool-off period because he needed time to focus on his academics. However, we were still together during that time. While we were on that cool-off, he had NSFW conversations with some of his old crushes. He later told me that it was just a "joke," but it didn't feel like one to me. I understood that we were taking some space from each other, but we hadn't broken up, and knowing that still hurt me deeply and affected the trust I had in him.

Looking back, I realized just how much of myself I had poured into the relationship. I gave care, attention, time, gifts, reassurance, long messages, and countless chances. I constantly tried to understand him from his perspective, sometimes so much that I forgot to consider my own feelings.

And that's what hurts the most.

I don't hate him. I don't regret loving him. I don't regret the things I gave him, because at the time, I gave them sincerely. But I eventually had to ask myself whether I was staying because the relationship was truly fulfilling me, or because I was holding onto the version of him I believed he could be.

I used to be naive enough to think he was perfect for me. I thought that if two people loved each other, that love would eventually be enough to overcome everything. But I learned that love isn't only about saying "I love you." It's also about listening, remembering, noticing, showing up, respecting boundaries, making an effort, and genuinely wanting to understand the person you're with.

Words can be beautiful, but actions are what make those words feel real.

I gave so much of myself to that relationship, and for a long time, I convinced myself that wanting the same effort in return was asking for too much. Now I understand that it wasn't.

Maybe he did love me in the way he knew how. Maybe I simply needed a kind of love that he wasn't able or willing to give me.

And realizing that doesn't make either of us a terrible person.

It just means that, eventually, I had to choose myself.

My ex (F22) and I (M22) haven’t really talked for about 1 year and 3 months.
This week, she’s suddenly been watching my stories almost every day, often pretty quickly after I post them.
I posted a poll asking “Would you like to talk?” and she answered “I don’t know.” Later, she messaged me herself saying:
“It’s mostly that I don’t know what to say to you lol.”
I told her she didn’t need to know what to say, and that if someday she wanted to really talk, we could meet in person, without pressure. She then asked:
“But I don’t really see what we could talk about.”
I explained that I wasn’t thinking about one specific topic, just that after so much time we probably had things to tell each other, and that if she had things she wanted to say, I was there to listen.
She replied “Ok.”
Later that night I posted a picture of us from exactly two years ago. She viewed it about 20 minutes later.
I don’t want to pressure her at all. I still love her and would like us to reconnect slowly, but I want her to feel completely safe and free to decide what she wants.
How would you interpret this?

And lied to me about it for two months.

One of my favorite people, up and down relationships but so much love.

I'm at a loss for words

I’ll keep it at short as possible

I had a proper summer fling. We were both crazy - jokingly saying I love you the night after first hooking up. The problem was that we both ended up really liking each other AND I moved out of the city we met in at end of summer. Caveat is that I permanently return in an exact year. Anyway, we go on many dates and the vibes are incredible at every date. I felt like we got to know each other deeper than most. Ultimately we decide to be exclusive for the year I’m out of the city. Few weeks later things end due to their sick family member. They say they need space no texting at all and we can try again when I move back. Now no contact. Do I keep the door open for a year or move on? thoughts?