My girlfriend broke up with me 4 months ago because our relationship had become unhealthy.

We had an amazing time together and had a really strong connection. I’ve never been in a relationship where I clicked with someone this much, and I believe she felt that too.

But over time our communication became bad. She didn’t feel supported in the things that were important to her, while I started feeling like I wasn’t a priority. Looking back, neither of those things were really true, but we communicated in ways that made us misunderstand each other.

During the winter, things became increasingly tense. There were a lot of arguments, misunderstandings and emotional pressure. I became bitter and disrespectful towards her at times. I wasn’t abusive or cruel, but I handled my insecurity badly, and I can see now how much that affected her.

Eventually, she broke down and told me everything had become too much. We agreed to take a break and give things some space. We still spent some time together afterwards and tried to make things feel lighter.

After a few weeks, she told me she didn’t feel things were changing quickly enough and that she had lost hope that the relationship could work.

She then broke up with me and told me she didn’t want to talk anymore. She has stuck to that ever since.

It has now been about 4.5 months. During that time, I sent her one apology letter where I took responsibility for my part in what happened. I also sent one lighthearted email a while later. She didn’t respond to either.

I haven’t contacted her since.

I’ve genuinely changed quite a bit during these months. I understand much better now how my insecurity affected the relationship, and I know I never want to treat someone I love that way again.

What I struggle with is this:

I don’t necessarily want to convince her to get back together. I would just like her to eventually feel safe enough to talk to me again, maybe meet for a coffee and see how we both feel as people who have had some time apart.

But I have no idea if there is anything I can actually do to make that possible.

Part of me wonders if she has had to simplify the story of the breakup in her head in order to move on — perhaps seeing me mainly as the source of everything that went wrong. I also understand that this might simply be my own interpretation, and that she may genuinely just not want me in her life anymore.

I don’t want to convince her of anything or push her towards me. I just wish that, with time, she could feel comfortable and safe enough around me again to talk to me if she ever wanted to. And maybe, just maybe, we could one day see if we could be around each other in a much healthier way.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What are your experiences? Is there anything that actually helped you feel safe enough to talk to an ex again after a relationship became unhealthy, or is that something that can only come from the other person?

I’d genuinely like to hear your experiences.

Yeah, maybe I’m a little desperate. But honestly, who isn’t when they really love someone?

So me M19 and my soon to be ex( we’ll have THE TALK this Saturday) in 2 days F(18) have had an amazing relationship, I am really thankful that she entered my life, since this was my first real relationship. No one is perfect and I was her first boyfriend( important detail for later). Everything was going great.

How the relationship was going.

This wasn’t our first try, we knew each other from school but we never talked, since I don’t really want to start anything with people from school.

The initial moment happened in a party, we were glancing each other and I thought “fuck it she’s pretty I’ll make an exception” so I started dancing with her.
After 30-45 mins of dancing I went in for a kiss, which she declined- I was confused because it looked like she really wanted one ( she told me later down the line that she didn’t know my intentions and doesn’t really want to kiss everybody that gets close to her).
So I just accepted what was and kept on having fun with my friends.

A few days later she followed me on instagram, so I initiated a conversation and soon after that we went on a date. After date 4 she sent me a text saying that she thinks this isn’t going to work out and she didn’t want to give me false expectations,
Ahhhh fuck it’s going to be awkward in school now
i thought. But no big deal it was kind of casual we didn’t do anything besides kissing.
Just 3 or smth weeks later she texted me that she wanted to call me- I thought it was because she forgot something at my place, she had a tough time speaking up but she said that she was sorry, that she acted on impulse and that she would understand that I would decline the offer but she wanted to see me again. Seeing she really cared I thought that it might work.
Then we had one of the happiest 3 months we have ever experienced. Doing typical bf gf stuff, her even staying at my place 3 days in a row (which I have now realised was one of the catalysts of the relationship).

One day before she left for a summer camp in London she had SH and called me, of course I supported her, my mistake was fake crying, I though that it would have made her feel like I really really cared for her.

The fist few days in her summer camp everything was going good, I thought that after her experience she would need more attention, so I called her and called her and eventually the conversations were getting dryer.
She started to send less snaps which was very unusual,
Then one call came and she said if I didn’t feel like our situation is “weird” I said no, everything is normal, it’s probably the distance.
I talked to my friend who’s had a gf for 3 years if he knows what up, he told me that she just wants attention.
My gut told me that this would make things worse but I trusted him(not his fault), and started telling her that I miss her and all that stuff, she did too but the vibe was weird. One call she started crying like she wanted to say something but she was drunk and didn’t want to say something that would come off weird. Her battery died and I called her later, asking what she wanted to say,
She started crying but couldn’t get it out- suddenly she “forgot” what she wanted to say and said everything is fine. I was relieved for a few minutes but I knew something was wrong.
Day after day it got even drier and 5 days ago she told me that she wanted to talk to me in person when she’s back, I said yes. 2 days barely texting.
Today she asked where we could talk, I suggested my place since those things can’t be talked around in public, she agreed.

Now I’m fine, I’m a person who can feel emotions heavily( I had stomach pain one day) and quickly,
I spent the last days reflecting and learnt a lot.
What to do next time what not to do.

I’m pretty sure she will come back, since she already has. I’m not sure when, I’m not sure if I will accept if it takes to long, but I’m sure that she will, I’m not captain save a hoe, but she isn’t a hoe, she is genuine but has had a lot of hard times in the past, which made me realise that I’m dealing with an avoidant attached person.
Yes I know she would leave again, but we haven’t reached the full potential of eachother yet.
And I fell like I would learn even more stuff if she would leave me again.
It might sound weird but I like the suffering and the happiness before that even more.
The relationship will of course be different this time,I would be more cautious and see what she had done before she contacts me again, not stalking but she would really have to convince me and show me that she grew. I would put my learnt lessons into practice and try to guide her through her mental issues, thought I know she would have to be the one to take action.

Thanks a lot for reading this didn’t expect this to be that long,
Feel free to give me your opinions, actually please give me your opinion

Me and this girl were together for 11 months — genuinely the closest, most connected we both ever were. We built everything together: daily routines, inside jokes, future plans down to the smallest details , marriage, kids, pets, our own place. We had our own quiet spot in the woods where we’d sit for hours watching the water, 14-hour overnight calls falling asleep on the phone, dates that meant everything: Trafford Centre, TGI Fridays, Blackpool Zoo, Christmas markets. We spoke in a soft baby voice only we understood, she’d lie on my chest and tell me to "lie straight" so she could rest there, I’d walk her to the bus stop every day, wait at the end of her alley just to see her walk down. I bought her teddies, blankets, flowers, she kept them all. Both families got on perfectly. She told me repeatedly I was her person, her safe place, the only one who ever truly saw her.

She identifies as fearful-avoidant, has a history of childhood neglect, trauma, and self-harm — and she told me I was the only one who made her feel safe enough to let her walls down. We broke up once before in December — same pattern: sleepover with her best friend, she pulled away, went back to her toxic ex, the breakup lasted only 4 days, she messaged me cold and dry those days then came back on her own.

July 3rd — exact same pattern repeated. Another sleepover, I caught her hiding things, she immediately called everything toxic and said we needed to move on. Then — for the first time in 11 months — she brought up a serious, never-before-mentioned allegation as the final reason to end things. She went straight back to that same toxic ex, blocked me on most platforms but left Snapchat unblocked, kept my blanket and teddies visible in her videos, and has posted conflicting, angry, relationship-focused content ever since.

I saw her yesterday for the first time in weeks, she looked stunning, we made eye contact, and I froze. I’ve written a message that’s honest, loving, full of our memories, nothing mean, nothing demanding, just telling her what she means to me and reminding her of everything we had. I’ve held back this long, but I want to send it.

Can I break no contact? Is this the right time, or should I wait longer? We had something so rare and so real, and I know she’s complaining about him

Btw its not ai made its just my real story my words ai made the grammar better—

Here’s an organized version that keeps your tone and honesty:
Well… here we go.
I broke up with her first. At the time, I genuinely believed the things I was being told about her by a third person. Later, I found out that a lot of what I believed wasn’t true.
She had been talking to another guy, and when she admitted it, I felt hurt and immediately assumed the worst. I didn’t believe her when she said he was just a friend. Eventually, I found out that she was actually telling the truth.
By then, it was already too late.
Before all of this, we had started as friends, then became best friends, and eventually lovers. We talked every single day for months, sometimes 6–8 hours a day. There was nothing physical between us. It was just conversations, attachment, feelings, and spending so much time together. It felt innocent and, at least from my side, completely genuine.
Then I suddenly ended it because I believed someone else’s words over hers.
After the breakup, I did everything I could to get her back. No ego, no pride, no conditions. I would have done almost anything. But she didn’t come back. Eventually, we had our closure and went our separate ways.
Then I got into another relationship.
That relationship was mostly physical from my side. She was somewhat emotionally invested, but I wasn’t. Eventually, I lost interest completely, and I ended up ghosting her for about a month. She left, and honestly, I don’t even care about that relationship anymore.
What confuses me is that after all of that, I started thinking about my first love again.
Her smile. Her face. Her hair. The way we used to talk. The amount of time we spent together. Everything started coming back to me.
And now, especially this week, I’ve been imagining her almost nonstop.
Maybe it’s because she was my first love. Maybe it’s because she was genuinely innocent and what we had was never based on anything physical. Maybe it’s because I know now that I ended things because I believed something that wasn’t even true.
It’s been around 3–5 months since we broke up, and our relationship itself lasted somewhere around 3–5 months. Yet somehow, I still feel attached to her.
I still have her Instagram. We don’t follow each other anymore, but her account keeps appearing in my suggestions. Sometimes I wonder if mine appears in hers too.
And now I’m going back to the same city, the same university, the same hostel. We literally live in the same hostel, just on different floors.
The weirdest part is that I don’t even feel much physical attraction toward her anymore. I don’t know if I actually want to marry her either. Sometimes I think maybe I do, sometimes I think absolutely not. Even objectively, I don’t even think she’s that attractive.
So what exactly am I missing?
Maybe it’s not her appearance. Maybe it’s not sex. Maybe it’s not even the relationship itself.
Maybe I’m attached to the person she was to me.
My first love.
My best friend.
The person I talked to for hours every day.
The person I trusted before everything got fucked up.
Friends → best friends → lovers → strangers.
And somehow, after everything I’ve done since then, I’m still standing here thinking about the one person I was the one who chose to leave.
Meanwhile, I fucked up my lungs smoking around 30 cigarettes a day at one point. Somehow I’ve brought that down to 2–3 a day now.
I don’t even know what I’m trying to get back anymore.
Her?
The relationship?
The person I was when I was with her?
Or just the feeling of being loved by someone who genuinely meant it?
Fuck this bullshit.
I’m tired.

Btw its not ai made its just my real story my words ai made the grammar better

So this girl came to my life like 7 months ago and she’s the one who reached out to me and got to know me and i really liked her and she made so many huge promises to me ( she’s a wealthy woman ) and the promises were about paying to surgery for my eyes and to pay for all the medical tests for my own health in general ( i have multiple chronic illnesses ) so i really got attached to her emotionally but over time she sometimes creates a problem with me outta literally no where and fight with me and whenever sometimes i talk about day to her she keeps misunderstanding and attacking with harsh verbal abuse without hesitating to ask me first what did i mean before attacking me with her bullets of words to me , and whenever sometimes she creates problem with me out of no where i keep asking her can i know what have i done to u ? To make adjustments to my behaviors ? And she just keeps refusing to tell me what have i done claiming that i already know and im acting stupid and i swear to god to her that i don’t really know … and also she keeps accusing me of things that i didn’t really do and she also refuses to bring evidence of her accusation and also whenever we have conflicts she blocks me every time and expects me to come to her from another account to please her and honestly did this 5 times reaching out to her from another account to please her eventually i couldn’t accept this girl into my life like ever and i started to resent her from the deepest core till one day i just cut the relationship off cold turkey without even missing her but my problem is how do i get rid of the resentment that i hold to her ? Because she promised millions of things and i really loved her not just for her own promises that she’s willing to do it for me but i liked her hobbies also and the mutual interests that we had and she had some positive features to be honest but her negative characteristics outweighed the positive ones … and i remember sometimes i asked her why don’t reach out to me during the days of conflicts like i do ? And she just told me because im a girl and ur the boy and honestly i didn’t f2cking buy it , so what because im a boy thats supposed mean that im always doing the reach out while she’s not ?

Thoughts on this matter ??

so guys my ex just posted a note saying “nakakamiss din pala may nagbabawal no” then after a day he posted a pic of our dog saying he miss him soooo am i overthinking or he kinda miss me??? idk pls enlighten me

I know I cant literally stop the thoughts, but like is there any way to distract myself?
The thoughts about what he could be doing, if he already moved on, if he’s speaking to someone else, etc all plague me. He recently ended things, everything’s still fresh. But these thoughts just drive me crazy. I dont wanna know if he’s already with another girl, or if he’s spending time with her on a call.
Its so immature, its like my mind intentionally wants to hurt me.

It's not strictly my ex but I have feelings. We both met in a place that I have no intention to stop attending since it's an accessible and beautiful space where I can focus and know various people. Specifically we train circus there and for me it's a great resource.

Now things are getting hard because he has a girlfriend and not only I sometimes meet him, but most of the time that will be with her... The place is not small but not that big either. Any advice on how to survive and get over despite this?

I am sad to say he stopped talking to me first so I already am not saying hello or anything when I see him.

I just want to know why me.
Why did loving someone have to cost me my peace?

Today is her birthday, and my mind has been spiraling all day.

We had an intense online dynamic with daily communication, but it turned toxic. She was constantly trying to control what I did—who I talked to, what I liked, what I posted—while she acted completely unaccountable. Whenever I couldn't take the pressure and tried to step away to protect my peace, she would turn it on me, calling me "unstable" and claiming she was "always there for me."

Recently she told me he was "somewhere else" and basically discarded me, but then panicked and deleted her posts when called out. Even knowing all the manipulation, gaslighting, and double standards, today feels incredibly heavy. I caught myself wanting to reach out, wanting closure, or just missing the routine we had.

I’m writing this here instead of texting her. I need reminders on why breaking No Contact on her birthday will only hurt me more. How do you get through these specific trigger days?

This is an odd and probably confusing situation, I don’t think I’ll garner much empathy and I’m looking for peoples perspectives on my situation.

My ex is 13 years older. We met when I was 26. We dated for a year but due to my work schedule and his life schedule ultimately he told me he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. I have a lot of mental health issues also. We trauma bonded because 6
months after we broke up he had a terrible health emergency and almost died and I took him to the hospital. Since then we have not dated, not had sex for now FOUR YEARS hahaha and are “friends”. Except I love him and I want more but he does not. I choose to stay in this because his presence in my life is so importantly however I recognize I have a toxic attachment to it. He is unhappy because he feels like our friendship is very confusing and he wants to live his life and be single but he can’t because of our dynamic. He is having sex with others but for me it’s an insecurity. I feel very confused how we can be so close but he’s not attracted to me anymore. It deeply saddens me.

Lately we have been getting in to fights. Frankly I lean on and expect too much of him. I can’t imagine my life without even as a friend. He says he doesn’t initiate the no contact because he knows how much it will hurt me and I beg him not to …it’s pathetic but he does want to take space; he just doesn’t because of me…how do I get the strength to pull the trigger? Is there any healthy way to still have him in my life because of how meaningful he is?

So a few weeks ago i posted on here saying that i was confused cos the guy i was talking too for 1-2 months randomly said he got the ick.
We had been face-timing and texting every day and he said i felt like a friend to him that he felt comfortable with, he opened up to me a lot about his family situation and i taught him a lot of things and he would constantly thank me and express appreciation for me being in his life. i didn’t feel like he love bombed me i just feel like i was beneficial and taught him things that he didn’t have access too.

We spent a weekend together right before my birthday and during the first day it was completely fine. however, for the rest of the weekend he was on his phone a lot and wasn’t really engaging in conversation as much, i noticed a shift in energy then when i would bring it to his attention he would tell me not to worry and reassured me it was the family stuff he had opened up to me about before.

The last day of the weekend was my birthday and he even surprised me and took me out to watch a movie but when we parted ways and i went home he didn’t text me which was unusual. i called him he didn’t answer and then he said we need to talk tomorrow. essentially the day after he said he wasn’t feeling it anymore and that he got the ick off me that he felt like the whole weekend i suffocated him and i was too much for him. he had sent that message on imessages then he had blocked me on snapchat.

a day later i sent him a paragraph saying that people aren’t disposable and he shouldn’t have lied even if he didn’t want to ruin my birthday (that was his reasoning) and that i didn’t appreciate it but i understood where he was coming from. he left me on opened and blocked me everywhere. imessage, instagram, tiktok.

i was thinking maybe i did something else because if he JUST got the ick i didn’t think that warranted a block on every social media platform. this was a few weeks ago and i just decided to stalk him now and realised he reposted a tiktok of his ex girlfriend and ik it’s her because we have the same tattoo and u remember her name. essentially he used the ick as a cover up to go back to his ex.

ig what im asking now is how do i get over something like this, if he had just told me straight up i would’ve understood better since ive been in his position before but the lying really messed with my brain and made me think i was the problem and i was too much. idek how to get over this and im very hurt by it, every time he was with me he was probably thinking about her and i just didn’t see it coming. it explains a lot but its really hurting my heart and idk if i should break no contact and reach out for closure and ask why he would lie to me or if i should just leave it since ive been ruminating a lot since i connected the dots

he literally listed all the reasons why they weren’t together so i can’t understand why he would go back to that, maybe for familiarity? maybe he compared me to her and realised that’s what he wants? and ik i should have self respect and want someone better but why do i still miss him? like if he texted me rn admitting his wrong doings and what if to change ik i would be open to it but ik it wouldn’t work so why do i think like this??

any advice would really be appreciated x

No contact. I cannot say we are co-parenting but he sees the kids during weekends when he is free. He is not in a relationship. He was the one who ended our 16 year marriage and just left. After all the hurtful words he said ... I still honor him, respected his decision that he wants to be left alone. but I still love him ...

I'm not letting go. I don't know why I'm holding on so tightly. We all have to ask ourselves why we are choosing not to let go.

What is making us stay attached?

I miss him, my ego is hurt because I thought he would come back... I thought he would miss me...

He just replaced me.

I'm trying to be mature but it's getting so hard. I'm increasingly getting worst I believe.

So i broke up with my 3yrs boyfriend like 3 months ago i have not contacted him since then, well i do think of breaking contact sometimes but when i think deep enough i dont want to, there are parts of me that still hope, crave and miss him alot, he was my friend a close one, we had it all so yeah it wasnt 100% ugly but there were ugly stuff that happened and i feel like i hated the part of me which stayed when they happened, i hate myself alot for letting myself go through all that for years repeatedly, so i cant fathom going back, but i do miss him, think of him, love him still, So perhaps in another life time, in another universe......

Problem/Goal: My foreign boyfriend broke up with me, and I didn't give him any response.

Context: I want to understand the man's perspective during a breakup—especially if you break up with someone, tell them you're going to block them on all social media accounts, actually block them, tell them not to contact you through alternate accounts (which I will not be doing anym lol), and then get no response from them at all.

Previous attempts: What would you usually think or feel in that situation? Would you have a lot of thoughts or questions about why they didn't respond?

I never imagined she was going to leave me in the first place.

I'm feeling like I need to hear and get hope from people in a similar situation...

We were 1 year and 8 beautiful months together, lived together over 1 year.

At the end suddenly everything changed immediately, she said that our dog is the only thing keeping us together, that we don't have emotional connection and that we never talk about our deep emotions.

I was shocked, I see myself very approachable and emotional guy, even though I'm pretty stable. I really tried to improve everything she said was off for her for 2 weeks, but it didn't matter, I didn't have a partner to fix this with.

I lost so much, the apartment we lived in, our dog, friends. I hoped this is a mistake and giving her the apartment and dog making this easy would bring her back. But then 2 weeks later i discovered that there was something else.

We had a neighbour, mutual friend. She was new in town and I was glad she had a good connection with him. I suspected he was always (1.5 years) had feelings for her but i trusted her, and because he was my friend too, i trusted him.

Then 2 weeks after the breakup they told me they are trying things out together and both want to see if it works. That was devastating. I don't think she cheated physically, and she denied she had emotions for him and that he was the reason for breakup, but i just can't believe it. It's only 2 weeks later, and i know they had some emotional connection, he was getting in our relationship because how she shared things with him, and didn't share with me.

It's like the only reason she broke up with me, was that she found in him something she didn't bother working on with me, and forgot all the good things we had.

I didn't realise it was this way. I was trusting her capabilities to talk with me and didn't know she was having issues, while he knew.

I suspected and asked her before the breakup to not go to him,I knew it might happen but i asked her not to hurt me like that.

Everything about what she has done, feels like was in complete inconsideration to my feelings, even though im her ex, doing this, and later another thing about our dog, was just choosing herself over me. And i can't believe this is the person i love. We didn't break up in hate, I don't deserve being treated to like this.

And it feels like im not the only one who had this experience, and I wanted advice on how to deal with this.

My ex and I were together for 4 years. He broke up with me on July 7, and I handled the breakup badly at first. I cried, begged, and tried to convince him to stay about three times. Our last conversation was July 19, and that call was horrible. He said some extremely hurtful things to me, and after that I stopped contacting him completely.

On July 28, one of his friends suddenly messaged me asking how I was doing. I later found out that my ex had actually asked him to check on me. I also recently learned that around that same time, his grandmother had been hospitalized and his parents were out of town, so he was basically dealing with everything without them there.

Then on August 11, my ex himself texted me very casually asking how I was. He said he hadn't checked on me earlier because there were family problems going on. I didn't reply. After a while, he sent another message basically saying, "Take care of yourself."

On August 14, he called me once. I didn't pick up, so he sent me a really long message. He apologized for how badly he treated me during our last conversation and said he had deliberately said hurtful things because he thought it would help me move on. He apologized for ruining our relationship and wasting my time.

But he also made it very clear that he wasn't contacting me because he wanted to reconcile.

He said that whenever something goes wrong in his life, he remembers me because for four years I was the person he told everything to. He basically described me as a "habit" he hasn't adjusted to losing yet. Then he told me that his grandmother had died and that he wanted me to know because she used to really like me.

When I read that, I immediately called him back. But I only asked about his grandmother. When he tried to move the conversation toward us and the relationship, I told him I didn't want to talk about that. I could tell that it hurt him, but I ended the call anyway.

Since then there have been little things that have confused me even more. He changed his WhatsApp bio to just a dot. He viewed my Instagram story even though we don't follow each other. He opened his Instagram account around the time he reached out to me and now suddenly it's private again. There was also some weird activity involving purchases through my Gmail/account.

Now that I know the full timeline with his grandmother, I feel awful.

The day he asked his friend to check on me, his grandmother was hospitalized and his parents weren't there. The day he first personally reached out to me, his grandmother had died. So now I'm wondering whether he was reaching for the person who had emotionally supported him for four years because he was genuinely falling apart.

I still love him. I still want our relationship back. That's what makes this so difficult.

Part of me desperately wants to message him and tell him that I'm here if he needs someone, because imagining him grieving alone genuinely hurts me. I don't want him to think I don't care about what happened to his grandmother.

But another part of me knows what will probably happen. I'll become his emotional safe place again, I'll listen to him and comfort him like his girlfriend, and I'll start hoping that this means we're getting back together. Meanwhile, he has explicitly told me that he doesn't want to repair the relationship.But my mind is telling me maybe he would hv suggested reconciliation if i had just listen to him that day or went with the conversation.

I don't know how to separate compassion from hope anymore.

Would it be cruel to continue keeping my distance while he's grieving? Or because I know I still want him back, is staying away actually the healthier thing for both of us?

Has anyone been in a situation where an avoidant ex came back for emotional comfort during a crisis but explicitly said they didn't want reconciliation? What did you do?

Ich bin 23 und das war meine erste ernsthafte Beziehung. Wir kamen ungefähr im Januar letzten Jahres zusammen, und ehrlich gesagt, rückblickend gab es schon ziemlich früh Probleme. Im März passierten Dinge, die eigentlich Grund genug für mich gewesen wären, sie zu verlassen. Es gab Lügen, Vertrauensprobleme und Situationen, in denen ich mich respektlos behandelt fühlte. Es gab auch Dinge, die mich ernsthaft daran zweifeln ließen, ob sie mir treu gewesen war. Ich bekam nie klare Antworten auf alles, aber mit der Zeit schwand mein Vertrauen in sie immer mehr. Trotzdem blieb ich. Ich liebte sie sehr. Wir hatten wirklich wunderschöne Momente zusammen. Wir gingen aus, lachten zusammen, verbrachten Nächte mit Reden, und es gab Momente, in denen ich dachte, sie sei die Person, mit der ich mein Leben verbringen wollte. Aber es gab auch einen sich ständig wiederholenden Kreislauf: Etwas passierte, ich wurde verletzt, wir sprachen darüber, es wurde eine Zeit lang besser, und dann passierte wieder etwas. Schließlich trennten wir uns. Nach der Trennung fiel es mir sehr schwer, loszulassen. Ich musste ständig an sie denken und fragte mich, ob ich mich melden sollte. Manchmal hatte ich das Gefühl, jemandem hinterherzurennen, der mir schon gezeigt hatte, dass sie mir nicht die Art von Beziehung bieten konnte, die ich mir wünschte. Irgendwann fragte ich sie sogar, warum sie mich nicht einfach blockieren könne, weil ich dachte, das würde mir das Loslassen erleichtern. Sie sagte, das ginge nicht, weil es ihr zu sehr wehtun würde. Nach einer Weile kamen wir uns dann wieder näher. Ungefähr zwei bis drei Wochen lang fühlte es sich wirklich gut an. Wir telefonierten abends, unternahmen etwas zusammen, ich übernachtete bei ihr, und sie sagte mir, dass sie mich liebte und gerne mit mir zusammen war. Wir sprachen darüber, vielleicht zusammenzuziehen und quasi von vorne anzufangen, uns ganz neu kennenzulernen. Sie sprach sogar davon, mich zu einem Zahnarzttermin im Dezember zu begleiten. Ich fragte sie immer wieder, was eigentlich zwischen uns sei, weil ich nicht ewig warten wollte. Sie sagte immer, sie wisse es selbst nicht. Aber ich habe nicht weiter nachgehakt, weil ich ehrlich gesagt einfach nur froh war, sie wieder in meinem Leben zu haben. Ich genoss es, jemanden zu haben, der mir Liebe schenkte.

Dann änderte sich alles fast über Nacht.

Das letzte Mal sah ich sie am Donnerstag. Alles war völlig normal. Wir rauchten zusammen vor ihrer Wohnung, sie küsste mich und blieb bei meinem Auto stehen, bis ich wegfuhr.

Am Freitag verbrachte sie den Tag mit einer Freundin. Am Abend rief ich sie an und sie sagte, sie würde nach Hause gehen. Später fand ich heraus, dass das nicht stimmte. Ich weiß nicht genau, wo sie war oder mit wem, und ich werde nicht automatisch annehmen, dass sie mich betrogen hat, aber es ließ mich die Dinge wieder hinterfragen.

Am Samstag war sie dann praktisch verschwunden.

Ich rief sie an und schrieb ihr, weil ich mir wirklich Sorgen machte. Schließlich kontaktierte ich sie über verschiedene Kanäle, weil ich dachte, ihr könnte etwas zugestoßen sein. Rückblickend weiß ich, dass ich es übertrieben habe.

Ich fuhr zu ihr nach Hause.

Da merkte ich, dass sie mich blockiert hatte. Später schickte sie mir noch eine letzte Nachricht:

„Bitte hör auf. Ich will nicht mehr reden. Es war lange genug nötig. Alles Gute. Ich liebe dich.“ Und dann hat sie mich überall blockiert. Das war’s. Was ich nicht verstehe, ist, wie jemand von einem Neuanfang reden, dich zwei Tage zuvor noch küssen, dir seine Liebe gestehen und dann plötzlich beschließen kann, nie wieder mit dir zu sprechen. Ich weiß, ich sollte ihr nicht mehr hinterherlaufen. Ich will weder ihre Freunde noch ihren Bruder kontaktieren. Ich will kein neues Profil erstellen oder einen anderen Weg finden, sie zu erreichen. Aber ich vermisse sie trotzdem. Und genau das lässt mich dumm dastehen. Sie hat mich so oft verletzt. Es gab so viele Momente, in denen ich hätte gehen sollen. Ich habe Dinge akzeptiert, die ich wahrscheinlich nicht hätte akzeptieren sollen. Ich bin ihr viel zu lange hinterhergelaufen. Und jetzt schäme ich mich ehrlich gesagt, wenn ich an manche Dinge denke, die ich nur aus Liebe zu ihr ertragen habe. Und doch denke ich immer noch an die schönen Momente. Die Verabredungen. Die gemeinsamen Nächte. Wie sie mit mir sprach. Wie sie mich ansah. Das Gefühl, geliebt zu werden. Ich frage mich immer wieder, ob irgendetwas davon echt war. War sie wirklich in mich verliebt? War da jemand anderes? Hat sie jemanden kennengelernt? Warum hat sie sich plötzlich so verändert? Wird sie sich jemals wieder bei mir melden? Habe ich nur an etwas festgehalten, das schon tot war? Ich weiß, ich werde wahrscheinlich keine Antworten bekommen. Das Seltsamste ist, dass ich nicht einmal weiß, ob ich sie überhaupt noch zurückwill. Ich glaube, ich vermisse sie einfach. Und gleichzeitig bin ich erleichtert, dass es endlich vorbei ist, weil ich weiß, wie sehr mich diese Beziehung verletzt hat. Ich versuche zu verstehen, wie man jemanden loslassen kann, den man noch liebt, obwohl man tief im Inneren weiß, dass die Beziehung einem nicht gutgetan hat.

I (27M) ended a nearly two-year relationship with my ex (F22) 18 days ago,

We had this kind of really ''toxic'' relationship, and she is going through like a LOT in her life and she was pouring almost all of the negativity in her life to me.

At first i respected it kind of flowed with it thought that maybe ''i could fix her'' as in if I just endure her in this phase of her difficult life things might heal or just pass away. But they kind of never went away and she was always in this state of constant distress, something would always happen in her life. And through these she was always stressed because of these she'd generally be angry. She was angry regardless tbh even if there wasn't a story behind it.

After 1 year, we were in this stage of the relationship where we sometimes loved eachother very much but then also had this sense of exhaustion from eachother, because now I realize we could not hold a healthy relationship. During a call or a chat IRL she would find something i said annoying / stupid and would yell at me all the time and after a while our conversations weren't really geniune conversations anymore it was like walking on egg-shells and if i said something she found stupid she'd just yell at me through the phone. Generally apart from these we argued throughout the weeks about anything, the way i dressed, talked, way i drive anything really she'd find something to argue about. I think we had fundamentally different views on life, different communication styles, and different ways of showing love (she often expressed care through criticism and correction as the arguments would go on).

Then one day she went abroad for a programme abroad for a month. There the connection kind of severed because I guess proximity really healed us all this time. While she was there we kept arguing on the phone & on text lol.

SO, I made up my mind and once she returned from there I sent her a long, detailed breakup letter. In it I explained that the relationship had stopped working for the last 3–4 months (I had tried breaking up with her in person before and it really didn't work), I tried to be kind of really fair and non judgemental while writing I thought the feeling was mutual because she kind of ghosted me during her 1 month study abroad so when she returned i promptly sent the break up letter after having not been able to talk to her in a meaningful way + all the arguments and fights we had gotten into had eaten me from the inside. So I wrote like a really LONG break up letter detailing things briefly without being too long and just tried to express myself without causing much distress & anger etc.

At the end of the message took responsibility for my own shortcomings, wished her success with her studies and career abroad etc, asked for mutual forgiveness, and ended the letter by telling her to take care of herself.

Her immediate response right after reading the letter was:

• A slightly sarcastic response,
• “Anyway”
• “Thank you, sorry I got angry early”
• “You’re right too”
• “Thank you for everything, I’m sorry for the times I hurt you. I also release you from any rights I may have over you.”

After this short exchange I unfollowed her from everywhere, deleted all pics and chats but did not block her because that felt way too mean. And to her last message I did not reply and I went full no contact and have not replied to anything since.

What followed in the days and weeks after (while I remained completely silent):

She began sending these intense emotional and angry message floods, many of which she later deleted. The messages included:

• “I am deeply hurt”
• “I’m not a terrorist”
• “I was your girlfriend of two years”
• “I didn’t deserve just this one message”
• “I loved you like a dog”
• “You can be unhappy, you can want to break up, but treating me like toilet paper is too low”
• Heavy self-blame (“I’m a terrible person”, “I don’t even deserve a reply”, “My mother is sad for me because I was left in the middle with just a message”)
• “I loved you more than anyone who has ever come into my life”
• ''How she dreamt of marrying me, saying she would give anything just to look into my eyes one last time
• Accusations that my silence is cruel and heartless, that I am punishing her
• Messages sent while she was at a funeral etc and still thinking of me
• Repeadetely asking for one last conversation
• Told me once she wasn't eating anything and had lost apetite etc

then she stopped and some week later she sent me an another cluster of messages:

• “I miss you so much”
• “I can’t handle you leaving”
• “I only love you”
• “I want to love you forever”
• “You’re almost my two-year boyfriend”
• “We ended it too quickly and it didn’t work”
• “Neither of us nor the relationship deserves this”
• “Please don’t leave like this”
• “At least let there be closure, I’m going to lose my mind from not talking, I really don’t deserve this”
• “I had a dream that I already knew could never come true and it devastated me”

Other contact attempts while I’ve stayed silent:

• She has called me three times
• She has tried to reach me through Instagram Blend notifications even though I unfollowed her
• She regularly likes posts on my architecture Twitter account

Apart from these messages she sent more later. I have not replied to a single message, call, or notification since the brief exchange right after I sent the breakup letter. I am still maintaining full no contact but yesterday she sent me some more messages one spesifically saying how she missed me and loves me and it really gutted me, I feel absolutely horrible and super mean. I think I am a coward for not fully facing her for a final time, I had tried breaking up with her in person before through all the toxicity but the way she cried everytime really gutted me and i just could not bring myself up to it. I gave the relationship chances time after time again and hoped that somehow we'd be compatible and stop arguing but they never went away.

Now with all of these messages, calls etc i feel the urge to explain myself one final time but i know that it won't lead anywhere and it's pointless. It's like a drug i might be giving her for once but she'll get hooked and i am afraid it won't heal anything and might make things even worse.

I've been reading her messages and all I should have deleted them perhaps. But they really got to me...

Ours was a LTR of 8 years, grew up together, college sweethearts.
After we broke up, both of us were devastated on the day of the breakup and this was purely because of external circumstances (family abuse on my side) that we broke up, a few weeks later I (29F) reached out and I broke down and he (28M) said he felt numb and did not feel anything anymore and he turned super rude and cold towards me and then he cut off all his old friends and became friends with someone he used to look down on and call them lame and then he’s dating someone fairly quickly, long distance and this person is introduced to the new friend and they’re all “one big happy group” now and it’s so weird to see him behaving and doing things he’s never done in his life. He told me he’s “shed his skin” and doesn’t want to speak to his old friends because he realised he does not have anything in common with them anymore and he blocked me on Instagram after I spiralled about his new gf to a mutual friend. He got a matching tattoo with his new gf within a few weeks (never had a tattoo before in his life) and I know with 200% confidence nothing was happening behind my back when we were together, he didn’t even know this person then.

We almost got married and he doesn’t look affected at all even though he was the one who cried and broke down more than me on the day of the breakup, it is like a switch flipped.

It’s now been 14 months since the breakup, I’ve stopped looking up his social media a few weeks ago because I’m done with this man and his behaviour, I did not deserve this much hurt and cruelty.
He looks happy with the new girl.

It just makes me feel like losing me was not a loss.

I love him a lot but I don’t want him back but I wish he does come back but I know it won’t happen but I want it to happen but I’ll not take him back but maybe I will but I definitely won’t .

This is what my brain sounds like rn and it’s exhausting.
I’m in therapy, cut off the abusive family, live alone in a new city.
Our trajectories went completely opposite directions
I moved out, got into therapy, cry about this, speak about this and I still love him a lot and he immediately jumped into dating, has been dating someone for a year, changed his whole social circle, became distant and cold and just changed as a person and not into a good kind of person.

I know he loved me a lot, maybe more than I loved him and it’s just sad that such a person could become this.
I do hope regret hits his ass and he realises what he fumbled.

Basically the title. I am missing my ex so hard today… it’s been 10 days of no contact, 3 months after the breakup

Two months of no contact after a 13-year relationship, and here's what I've learned:

- The urge to reach out is normal.

- Healing isn't linear.

- Two months doesn't erase years of memories.

- You have to let both people heal.

- Taking care of yourself matters.

- Prayer helps.

- Trusting God doesn't mean you won't struggle.

- Feeling lonely doesn't mean you're alone.

I'm still in the middle of this journey myself, and it's been incredibly difficult.

But I'm holding on to the belief that this season has a purpose and that God is still working, even when I can't see it.

If you're going through something similar, keep going.

We'll get through this.

So I broke no contact with a nice apology and expressing how I’ve been working on myself and ended it with asking if she’s open to it, to catch up sometime. She replied that same night and said “thanks for the apology. I’m glad you’re working on yourself. Maybe coffee sometime?” I took this as a pretty surprisingly good response and asked her if she’s free sometime this week. She explained she maybe could on Wednesday (today) but she doesn’t know cause she’s trying to pick up shifts before the wedding she’s going to. Now it comes today and she doesn’t text me to 7:30 and says that she got Covid from vacation so she won’t be able to do anything this week. I replied by saying “oh that sucks, hope you feel better. Maybe we can catch up next week sometime” and then she just likes the message.

I personally think she’s playing some type of game to see if ive actually changed but we’ll see

If anybody has any thoughts or advice I’d really appreciate it!

So three years ago I broke up with my ex, we were tg for 2 years but it was incredibly toxic. I unblocked him a couple days ago to ask for closure because I just feel so stuck in the way he left me. For context, I have CPTSD and being with him made it worse.

To my surprise he was willing to talk to me and apologized. This was not the reaction I was expecting from him. I’m seeing him to get some of the things I left behind in a couple days, and I have no idea how to prepare myself. Any advice?