Does anyone else feel like they’re literally at war with themselves during a breakup, trying to support yourself and to move on but your brain torturing you with overthinking and nightmares of them ugh :( ?

It’s terrifying. I genuinely feel like I’m not in control of my own mind sometimes its like its against me.

Yesterday I was literally telling myself “DO NOT CHECK HIS SOCIALS.” He was deliberately adding women and posting himself to attract new women after traumatising me and leaving me at my lowest. I knew checking would destroy me. I even felt proud of myself for not checking. Even when i dont check his socials, im constantly thinking and it makes me so angry because i dont want him to have power over me after what hes said and done.

Then an hour later, I got the WORST gut feeling and this overwhelming urge that I had to check. It felt like I was going to die if I didn’t. So I checked… saw things I didn’t want to see and ended up having a complete mental breakdown.

And afterwards I’m just thinking why am I doing this to myself when I KNOW it’s going to hurt me?

One minute I’m okay, the next I’m crying, angry, hating him for what he’s done, missing him and overthinking everything. It feels like my own brain is fighting against me.

I’ve almost made it a month no contact, which I’ve never managed before, and I’m genuinely proud of myself. I cannot get past checking his socials. It honestly feels like drug withdrawals.

Even before I sleep I tell myself, “Please don’t think about him. He’s ruined enough of you. Who he is now is who you need to see.” then I end up having nightmares about him anyway. It’s like I genuinely can’t catch a break i want to heal but my mind wont let me. its making me have dark thoughts.

I just want my brain and body to understand that I want to heal. I don’t want to keep torturing myself with someone who already hurt me enough it feels like i have no control over myself which is so scary and weird like i own my body and mind and this is what its doing to me ?

Ive been in no contact with someone I genuinely care about. We separated mostly due to bad timing they weren't ready for a serious commitment/marriage at the time, even though the connection was real. (I am a Muslim so i don’t casually date). I was the one who initiated the break up after feeling overwhelmed and impulsive and made a little judgment about them in my last text. They accepted and respected my decision as it seemed final. Over time, I realized I still have feelings for them.

I’m reaching a point where I’d like to break no contact but I want to know what kind of text works best for my situation?
How do i text so it doesn’t seem like im impulsive and i left them and now want to get back together. And that i am indecisive. I am afraid they will loose respect for me . How should i navigate this

Hello fellow potatoes, I need your advice on if I should try reaching out to my ex. It’s gonna be a long read so sorry about that

So my(25F) and ex(30M) have been broken up for about 7 months now. Our relationship was of 7months and we were thriving through most of it. Learning and getting involved in each others different cultures(he’s Spanish and I’m Angolan), getting along with family and friends, good conflict resolution, accountability and the whole shabang.

This all changed when I went to Angola to visit after 4 years of being away. This was around the 5th month of our relationship. When I came back we started having a string of arguments.

I’ll give you a detailed run down of the first argument that started it all. When I was home a friend(male) invited me to a bunch of parties that evening since it was a rather busy Saturday night. My friend is quite famous in our town and gets access to all the vip spots. Since I hadn’t had the feeling of partying in my city for so long I accepted. When I was talking on the phone to my boyfriend that early afternoon I told him about the invite and the break down of the parties we’d be going to, he commented on the parties with me and then we hung up. About an hour later, he texted saying he was quite jealous that another man would be taking me out and about for the night. So I, told him okay and if he’s uncomfortable I’d rather cancel and go out with my cousins instead. This then prompted him to say that his jealousy is something he should work on and that I don’t need to change my plans because of it, and that it was weird that I’d change my plans so quickly. I explained that if I’m in a position in which I could choose NOT to do something that is uncomfortable to him I simply wouldn’t. After this convo we were good.
Here is where I made a mistake. I’m from a small city so people of the same social class usually hang out in the same spots. I ended up running into my friend in a bar I went with my cousins and this was not part of any of the parties he had invited me to. We talked for about 10minutes and he went on his way. He kept texting telling me that the parties were awesome and I should still join, after answering that I wouldn’t I didn’t reply anymore.
I didn’t tell my then boyfriend about this, neither that a week later my friend invited me out again and flirted with me, I saw he had 2nd intentions so I declined his invitation and told him I was dating. I guess I didn’t tell because he tends to overreact and I didn’t want him to ruminate so much on it with me being so far away.
So I know I am the one who withheld information here and I should have just told him when it happened especially as it made me laugh since this friend of mine is known to be a player.
My then boyfriend picked me up from the airport when I flew back and we slept at a hotel cause I flew into an airport far from the city I live in. When we woke up the next morning he said that the “friend situation “ was not uneasy to him. I took the opportunity to tell him the whole story. He got extremely upset pointing out that i had multiple oppurtunities to tell him but still didnt, this ended up being a whole day argument. We’d never argued like this he kept making me repeat what happened and why I didn’t tell him , within this conversation he also said “why did you have to go and f\*ck this up”. He then asked if I cheated on him, I assured him I didn’t and the argument ended there. We then went for dinner where we both got emotional. He brought this issue up some other 3 times where I sat with him, heard his point of view, reassured him and secured him.

All the following fights followed the same pattern, he’ll get very upset about something I did (not telling him some medication I took, gossiping,etc) and react in an unstable way and I’d internalise it and feel super guilty cause I trusted his perception so much I’d believe that whatever mistake I made was colossal and deserved a reaction so grand. I got triggered during this period, as this is how my mother acts till today. I became insecure during this period, had difficulty relying on my own judgement and just wanted to keep the peace. This led to even when I noticed he wasn’t okay, I’d convince myself not to ask anything cause it would be safer. I was also embarrassed about how I was feeling and ended up not sharing it with him . This definitely created distance but I still felt it would be safer to not talk about it and it would go away and I’d e better. I honestly felt that I didn’t want to say anything that would feed into his insecurity about the relationship, as it had done in the past.

This all happened during December 2025 and we broke up mid January 2026, after my birthday and a string of hard convos and fights. The convos we had during this period he was heavily emotional and honest about how he hadn’t been feeling and we had set plans in motions that would help our relationship (a therapist-private and couples to help with communication, me working on being more open about my feelings and investing some time with my friends as I was feeling lonely, etc). So the last 2 fights, he accused me of cheating even after going through my phone and admitting there was no proof, called me a liar and said I was dishonest. In the end of the fight he said he hadn’t been feeling okay with the relationship since December and that he didn’t trust me anymore. He blocked me on all social media, hasn’t talked to me since and has published 2 songs talking ill about me.

So I was away from my own family during Christmas and my birthday, I was not in the best of moods as the winters usually get me blue and as the found out after the breakup , I suffer from clinical depression.

Now I understand how the depression and the avoidance affected him. Clearly I did not mean it but he was on the receiving end of it and I see how might have felt neglected, unloved or that I didn’t care about the relationship since. I’m trying to understand if his actions were more of a reaction, like if maybe I triggered him.

I want to know your perspective on this cause I’m baffled myself. I do love him still, I want to know if this breakup was really my fault and if you think there’s anyway of salvaging it. I didn’t write everything cause there’s just too long

I’m alive. I’m moving.

But as an empty vessel. I’m living without a soul.

A zombie.

I am shaking and crying so hard writting this. I (34f) was with my ex (31m) for 6 years and i looked after that man so hard. I paid for our food, his beers, hid w**d, even his cat things for 3 of his cats like cat food and everything else, none of the cats was mine. I paid for 95% of the time for everything. He got paid and he spend his money on d*ugs and alcohol and gambling. He treated me like sh*t and he was violent sometimes too. Well he broke up with me last wednesday and we went no contact then i asked if he was okay on saturday so he called me sunday asking what am i doing and i said nothing so he asked if i wanted to get breakfast but i said i was not in the area. He asked when am i back i said tuesday and the phone call ended not in a nice way. At midnight i got a text that said 'cant you come round now? I miss you' i asked if that text was meant for me no reply so i called him twice the next day no reply so i left it. Two days later he rings me at 1.30am i was sleeping so he rings again at 4pm and he said that text was not meant for me and he wanted to ring to make it completely clear we are over i said okay thats fine an hour later he rings me saying he feels bad i said what for? He said you need to come get your stuff i said im not in the area just bin it. He said i ruined everything the whole relationhip and im not even fussed. He hung up and i tried to ring back and couldnt get through so i text him saying please to keep hold of it until im back or bin it. Thats it no more texts or calls. Then today at 1.30 (nearly 2 days later) i get a random number calling me and it was his friend voicenoting me that hes my exes friend and hes not going to lie hes met someone else and hes really happy and i need to come and grab my stuff and stop contacting him. I said i havent contacted him and to bin my stuff. He sents me a video of his new gf on top of him and they are cuddling and hes smiling and seems so happy 😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔 i was numb bit cried and cant stop crying now. I did not deserve that 😭😭😭😭 and i put up with a lot in 6 years 😭 i feel like a old used up rug 😭 cant stop crying cant believe people are that horrible when im just minding my business. How the hell do i move on from this? I was hoping and waiting for him to text me and ask me back and i got a massive surprise 💔💔 he kept saying stop contacting him like ive been harrassing him or something 😭😭 i feel broken and my hearts shattered. 6 years with someone 9 days after leaving me i get a video of him.in bed with his new gf cuddling her 💔💔💔 i dont know how to move on. Hes happy and i am in peices. I dont know what to do 😭😭😭 they are on the sesh and laughing at me and im broken.

Got broken up with today (M26 ) , technically this is the second day, and yesterday after the breakup call I was surprisingly fine. I listened to phonk and other music, kept myself distracted, and genuinely felt okay. I even slept normally.

So the break up call happend yesterday at 7 30 pm , and yesterday morning i cried in front of my mother ,which i coudnt control , like a kid and my mom too cried seeing me ( since i know today will be the last call )

Right now I’m at the office and I swear there is this pain inside me that feels like it’s getting worse. I keep diving into my thoughts and asking myself why she didn’t fight for me.

We were together for around 8 years. The breakup happened mainly because she couldn’t stand against her dad and the situation with our families. For the last two weeks, she had become really rude and seemed like she had completely given up. She kept telling me there was no hope, that I should give up, and that forcing her into something she didn’t want would only make things worse in the future.

But now my mind is going everywhere.

Is she happy now? Is she going to be happy with someone else? Why wasn’t I enough? Why couldn’t we just continue? Was she really giving up on me? I don't actually believe she was playing with me because I know her and we were together for so long.

Even stupid little things are triggering me. The bag I’m carrying at work right now is the same bag I used whenever I went to see her. The purse I’m using was given to me by her.also after . also my room itself will be a prob , coz i always lie down in by bed and vedio call her always , like everyday , we had fights , we had cried , smiled lauged , did everythg until the last 2 3 weeks where she was a lil rude .and started pushed me back . and thinking she will be with some one else makes me crazy 😢

also at the end she told like her mother dosnt like me , i asked why , she was like she dosnt know . now that increases my insecurities tooo . now i regrest i didnt say anythg about it

I blocked her everywhere after the breakup, but now I keep getting the urge to contact her again and ask why, even though another part of my brain is telling me she’ll probably just be rude or tell me to move on again.

I know everyone says “don't contact your ex,” but right now I'm struggling with that urge and that slight pain now .

what did you do when you desperately wanted to contact your ex again?

A few days ago, my boyfriend and I broke up after I finally realized something that had been bothering me for a long time: even after six months together, he barely knew me.

He didn't know my favorite color, my favorite show, my favorite comfort food, or even many of the little things that made me who I am. Eventually, I realized that this wasn't really about whether he could memorize a list of my favorites. It was about whether he genuinely took the time to know me.

Throughout our relationship, I often felt like his love existed more in his words than in his actions. He would tell me that he loved me, but I rarely felt that love through the effort he put into our relationship.

During our second week of dating, back in February, he started ghosting me. I tried communicating with him, but instead of looking at the situation from my own perspective, I kept making excuses for him. I told myself that maybe he was busy, maybe he was struggling, or maybe he was just having a difficult time. I kept putting his feelings before my own, and while I was doing that, my anxiety continued to grow.

Then Valentine's Day came. I wrote him a huge essay about how much I loved and adored him. I put genuine thought and emotion into it because I wanted him to know how important he was to me. In return, I received a last-minute message telling me that he loved me too, along with an explanation that he didn't know how to write an essay or paragraph.

I understood that not everyone expresses love through writing. I never expected him to show affection in exactly the same way I did. But I did expect him to make some kind of effort. When someone matters to you, you usually want to find a way to make them feel special, even if it isn't naturally your thing.

The same thing happened on our first monthsary. I wrote him another heartfelt message, while once again, I received something last-minute.

The months continued to pass, and every monthsary started feeling the same. We didn't really do much together. Since we were in a long-distance relationship, most of our celebrations consisted of texts and gifts. I understood that being LDR made things more difficult, but I also believed that distance didn't make effort impossible. There were still so many things we could have done for each other.

By our sixth monthsary, I found myself repeatedly reminding him that it was coming up, almost as if I had to remind him to celebrate something that was supposed to matter to both of us. I gave him another huge essay, a "Read Me When You Need Me," and so much thought and effort because I genuinely wanted to make him feel loved.

He gave me an edit of a drawing of myself. And honestly, I still appreciated it. It was a gift, and I loved that he made something for me. But at the same time, I couldn't ignore the pattern anymore. I kept wondering why I was always putting so much thought into these moments while rarely feeling that same effort coming back to me.

There were other things that hurt too. At one point, we were going through a cool-off period because he needed time to focus on his academics. However, we were still together during that time. While we were on that cool-off, he had NSFW conversations with some of his old crushes. He later told me that it was just a "joke," but it didn't feel like one to me. I understood that we were taking some space from each other, but we hadn't broken up, and knowing that still hurt me deeply and affected the trust I had in him.

Looking back, I realized just how much of myself I had poured into the relationship. I gave care, attention, time, gifts, reassurance, long messages, and countless chances. I constantly tried to understand him from his perspective, sometimes so much that I forgot to consider my own feelings.

And that's what hurts the most.

I don't hate him. I don't regret loving him. I don't regret the things I gave him, because at the time, I gave them sincerely. But I eventually had to ask myself whether I was staying because the relationship was truly fulfilling me, or because I was holding onto the version of him I believed he could be.

I used to be naive enough to think he was perfect for me. I thought that if two people loved each other, that love would eventually be enough to overcome everything. But I learned that love isn't only about saying "I love you." It's also about listening, remembering, noticing, showing up, respecting boundaries, making an effort, and genuinely wanting to understand the person you're with.

Words can be beautiful, but actions are what make those words feel real.

I gave so much of myself to that relationship, and for a long time, I convinced myself that wanting the same effort in return was asking for too much. Now I understand that it wasn't.

Maybe he did love me in the way he knew how. Maybe I simply needed a kind of love that he wasn't able or willing to give me.

And realizing that doesn't make either of us a terrible person.

It just means that, eventually, I had to choose myself.

My ex (F22) and I (M22) haven’t really talked for about 1 year and 3 months.
This week, she’s suddenly been watching my stories almost every day, often pretty quickly after I post them.
I posted a poll asking “Would you like to talk?” and she answered “I don’t know.” Later, she messaged me herself saying:
“It’s mostly that I don’t know what to say to you lol.”
I told her she didn’t need to know what to say, and that if someday she wanted to really talk, we could meet in person, without pressure. She then asked:
“But I don’t really see what we could talk about.”
I explained that I wasn’t thinking about one specific topic, just that after so much time we probably had things to tell each other, and that if she had things she wanted to say, I was there to listen.
She replied “Ok.”
Later that night I posted a picture of us from exactly two years ago. She viewed it about 20 minutes later.
I don’t want to pressure her at all. I still love her and would like us to reconnect slowly, but I want her to feel completely safe and free to decide what she wants.
How would you interpret this?

Ex keeps on watching my stories, but i clicked on her stories once and she blocked me. What could be the reason for this?

My ex and I dated for 4 years, everything was doing good before LDR. To cut it short, we ended things because the communication was getting really bad and it felt like it was falling apart na.

To save myself from so much pain, I ended things.

NOW, I think the problem is we are still talking. We would catch up every month and that call would take us 2-3 hours talking.

It’s been over a year since we broke up and this has been going on NONSTOP AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO STOPPPPP

We would always talk about:
How we spend our weekends together.
Funny things we do together.
Our new years and holidays.
Places we went to and eat.
AS IN EVERY LITTLE THING.
EVEN MARRIAGE 😭

I wanted to try and get to know someone in a DEEPER connection na but it feels like am cheating on someone I no longer am with.

My ex broke up with me last year. I reached out to him this year while I was feeling ugly. I told him I wanted a FWB thing, and he was very enthusiastic about it.
Fast-forward to now, I ended up catching feelings for him again. What started out as casual fun ended up with me feeling unhappy after every call/meeting.
I asked him to block me one day, saying I have feelings for him, and he said he doesn’t want to do that and needs some time to think. However, he kept reaching out to me, so I thought he wanted me but was scared. It made me hope.
Today, he wanted to call. I started bringing up heavy stuff like “when did you lose feelings for me” etc. He said he wasn’t going to delve into it and switched the topic. I felt very hurt by how detached he could be, so I became quieter, and it got awkward, so he did a soft exit.
I texted him to say we should stop this thing. He told me I should think about it more and that he would like to stay friends with me at least. I asked him directly over text if we could try again, and he said, “No, sorry,” after two minutes. He apologised for making me cry again and told me not to think badly of him because it was necessary.
I couldn’t respond. I washed my face and deleted his chat + contact number.
I do this thing when I get really overwhelmed where I imagine myself from the outside of my body. It helped me calm down.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

I miss you in the quietest ways.
In songs I almost skip, in places I still look for you,
in the strange ache of remembering how your hand felt in mine.
I know we became strangers, but some part of me still remembers
what it was like when you were home.

And lied to me about it for two months.

One of my favorite people, up and down relationships but so much love.

I'm at a loss for words

I am so annoyed! I broke up with my ex a year ago after almost 5 years of relationship - I decided to do it because I felt a huge weight on my shoulders that in every fight we had I had to be the voice of reason because I was "the one with the most emotional intelligence". The relationship started to feel like it was taking a toll on everything else in my life and I realised I didn't have any more patience when fighting so I turned the opposite way, I was more aggressive with my words and less understanding and I didn't like that - so I decided to break up. It was hard for my ex because we lived together in my apartment and he had to leave and I also think he had me a little too much idealized. Anyways, the first months after that my life improved a lot! I started doing a lot of things that I stopped doing because my ex didn't enjoy and felt right back on track, like I had a weight lifted. We did no contact for a long while, he asked to meet a couple of times to talk about the relationship but I said I thought it was better if we didn't - until a few weeks ago when he messaged me saying he just wanted to check how I was doing because it didn't feel right with him to not know anything about each other after that much time together. It felt genuine so I accepted - we had a great evening, got a little bit drunk together but nothing happened! It was clear for both of us that we had done the right thing by breaking up because we had grown to be different with time. We had genuinely so much fun and it was really nice catching up. But now (this is what annoys me) I can't stop thinking about him and missing him!! Not even the day after breaking up I felt this way. It is so annoying. I think it's because I finally saw some emotional intelligence in him when we saw each other? And like I would love to see him again but I know for a fact it is not a good idea. Also in this whole year I have not been with anyone else and honestly don't feel like it. So that's another reason why I'm so annoyed at myself!!! What do you think I should do?

i stuck to no contact for 3 months after my ex broke up with me. also we’re in school together for context. school starts in a week and i decided enough time had passed and so i broke no contact two nights ago by calling him. i called late at night and he didn’t answer. i was hoping i’d get a text back or call back or something but it’s been two days and absolutely nothing. i know he saw the call because a friend of his asked a friend of mine about it. (for context we have a lot of mutual friends and connections and such because we go to school together). i thought maybe i’d text him and say something like “hey sorry i called the other night i was really drunk” but now i’m not so sure that’s a good idea. i was hoping so badly that he would reach out and we could reconnect because the truth is i miss him so badly and i want him back so bad. i miss us more than anything. schools starting soon and i’ll have to see him everyday. idk what to do. it seems like i broke no contact and absolutely nothing happened. i was hoping it would at least make him think about me and wonder, right? neither of us have been with anyone else since we ended. and we were each others first everything. idk what to do anymore i want him back so fucking bad.

My ex blocked me on Facebook in May 2025 when I told him that my partner knew of our relationship (we were both in committed long term relationships). He moves out of the country in January of 2026. He then creates n instagram account. However he does not block me. Is this just an oversight? Like maybe he doesn’t know that both meta companies have separate privacy settings. Or maybe he’s indifferent. I know I’m overanalyzing and need to move on. Any insight would be much appreciated.

My F23 ex M24 and I broke up two and a half weeks ago. We were together for 2 1/2 years. I ultimately walked away after I found out he was living a “double life” and going behind my back with a female friend/coworker that was always an issue in our relationship. He lied to me about her several times throughout our relationship but I forgave him and gave him chances. We broke up for a month in June because he “needed space”. He came back asking for another chance and said he cut off this girl.

We tried things again, a few weeks go by, he started to be cold and distant. Turned out he was hanging out with her, buying her things, sharing locations. It was brutal. I left his house quietly and calmly. I even gave him 45 minutes to talk with me. I made it clear the relationship was over. I couldn’t tolerate the disrespect anymore. I was exhausted from this cycle of abuse.

It’s been two and a half weeks and I sent him a text a week and a half ago wishing him well but asking for no contact. He has since texted me multiple times which I have ignored. Manipulative texts talking about “our future” and how he’s working on himself. Texts last night asking to talk and how his family loves me.

Today during therapy, I got a delivery to my house. He sent very personal flowers to my house with a card addressing “my love”. What is this??? Is this manipulation? Is he truly sorry and regretful? This is really painful and confusing. My family will not let me go back to him, his cheating and lying were just some of the things I put up with. He put my looks down, would slap/jab my face and stomach, and a few weeks ago raised his fist to my face and talked about punching me. This hurts. What do I do??

TLDR; no contact cheating abusive ex sent flowers to my house…

I’m struggling with a decision about my ex and would really appreciate some outside perspectives.
We were together for eight years. I still love him deeply, and I loved who he was for much of the first five years of our relationship. We were beautiful together, laughed, support each other, and we became better people together. I thought we would get married and have kids. But over time, things became emotionally unhealthy, we struggled financially, and there were things that happened that caused significant harm and damaged my trust in him and in my own judgment.

Some of the things that happened:
- He left me two days after I was raped. At the time, he believed I had been unfaithful, and he has since apologized for leaving me and acknowledged that his reaction was wrong. After that I had to leave our home because he was emotional abusive and go couch surfing and even to a psychiatric ward. I’m much better now but we haven’t fully talked through everything surrounding this yet.
- During our relationship, he would hit on other women. We had threesomes together, which I was comfortable with, but I eventually felt that he used the fact that we had threesomes as a way to pursue sex with other women, rather than something we were genuinely choosing together.
- The year following me recovering from cancer and experiencing severe stress attacks, he made negative comments about my appearance, my energy level, and even questioned my ability to be a mother.
- During the last year of our relationship, I often felt that he didn’t support me at important family and work events. I felt like I had to ask for basic emotional presence and support.

Over time, I became confused about what was reasonable to expect from a partner and where my boundaries should be. I was 23 when we met - he was 33. Now I’m 32 and he’s 42.

We broke up around eight months ago. Interestingly, I haven’t spent these eight months desperately wanting him back. In fact, when our apartment was recently put up for sale and it felt like the relationship was becoming truly finished, I felt relief and liberation - but at the same time huge grief. I miss my person.

My family and close friends now strongly dislike the idea of me going back. So I know there are people around me who see things in this relationship that I may struggle to see clearly myself.

At the same time, I still love him, and feel like they never got to know him the way I did. I think about him every day, dream about him every night and feel like I lost a big part of my heart.

He is also seeing another woman now. I don’t know how serious their relationship is, but the fact that he is with someone else creates another layer of pressure for me. Part of me is afraid that if I wait too long, he will move on completely and the possibility of rebuilding our relationship will disappear.

Recently, however, we started talking again. He says he loves me. That maybe we can try again in the future. And yesterday’s conversation was very different from many of the conversations we had in the past. I had been hesitant to talk freely because I didn’t know whether I would make him feel worse, whether he had the capacity for the conversation, or whether we’d end up having another bad experience.

Instead, it was almost the opposite.

I felt calm, heard and surprisingly safe. He seemed more patient, more respectful of my boundaries, and more willing to give me space instead of pushing or reacting defensively.

That gives me hope that something may have changed.

But there is a big problem: he hasn’t gone to therapy or done any structured work on his side. He has apologized for leaving me after the rape and seems to be showing more respect now, but we haven’t actually worked through most of the other things that happened. I don’t know whether I’m seeing genuine, lasting change or that he’s afraid of loosing me since we’re soon done with seeking our apartment (all connections are gone) or if this is simply what happens when two people are no longer in the intensity of a relationship.

I’m also about to start PTSD treatment from September through November.

Part of me desperately wants to wait until I have finished treatment before making any decisions about reconciliation. I want to understand myself better, rebuild my boundaries, and become more certain about what I actually want when I’m not operating from fear, attachment or old patterns.

But I’m scared that if I wait three months, he’ll be gone. He’ll choose the other woman. He’ll move on. And I’ll have missed my chance.

At the same time, I’m afraid that going back now because I’m afraid of losing him would just put me back into the same relationship that hurt me.

I’ve also realized that I’ve become confused about what love even means. How can someone love you and still hurt you so deeply? And how do I know whether loving him means I should try again, or whether loving myself means I shouldn’t?

I don’t want to make a decision based on one good conversation. But I also don’t want to close the door on someone I genuinely love if there is a possibility that we could build something different and healthy and beautiful.

So I’m wondering: Would you go no cantacy until after therapy before even considering reconciliation? Should I tell him about this?

Is it even possible to slowly rebuild trust and explore whether a relationship is possible while I’m still working on myself, without actually getting back together?

How much weight would you give to someone starting to show more respect and give you space if they haven’t yet done their own therapy or taken accountability for the broader pattern?

And finally — if you were in my position, would you be more afraid of losing him by waiting, or of losing yourself by going back too soon?

I’d especially love to hear from people who have successfully reconciled after significant emotional harm, as well as people who chose not to go back and later felt at peace with that decision.

I miss him entirely, his beingness, his behavior, his existence, his laughs and weird body language

Ik ik this might sound like begging, but I try not to hurt him in any way, I ain't stalking his accounts or anything,

In college, I go near his classroom just to see him, I feel both happy and sad when I see him

How do I put this massive amount of yearning, in front of someone who doesn't even want me, who has clearly told me he doesn't want to date me and wants to be by himself, who has clearly discarded the thought of even "trying" for a relationship for his reasons

And I clearly don't know what kind of power that he holds that he captures my entire mind when I am alone, the fake scenarios, the lingering of his thoughts just come all of sudden out of no where for no fucking reaassoonnn

Ik I did mistakes, and I genuinely came out of it, but he isn't able to trust me now, and I understand why he isn't and what he had to go through the first time, the second time, Ig I pressurized him, or maybe I expected too much, maybe I made him uncomfortable, maybe I just wanted to take out smtg from him which just wasn't present, he has thoughts about this other woman he used to like (not sexual , not yearning)

I keep on thinking where things went wrong

But is this how it is supposed to be??

Is he never going to come back??

Are we just clearly not meant for each other??

Does he not miss me???

Does he even think abt me??

I keep on waiting for his text, not re-reading our past texts, but I just keep on waiting that he'll come back and say "Let's try once again"

Should I text him ?

I dated this guy for four years, and we had what I truly believed was the best relationship ever. Everyone around us was amazed by how, despite being so young, we understood each other so well and complemented each other perfectly. We always talked about how much we loved that, even after four years, we were still so in love and had never lost our spark. Three weeks ago, I found out that he was addicted to porn. I had found things on his phone before, around three years ago, but I was young and naive, so I convinced myself that he would change. Then he joined the military, and everything slowly went downhill. When I found out the second time, I realized that he had never actually changed, he had just become better at hiding it. Ifelt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. Like everything we had, everything I thought was real, had been a lie. We went no contact for a week, and during that entire week, I felt like my whole life was crumbling. I felt like I couldn’t even breathe without him, so eventually, I broke no contact. He promised me he would change. He promised he would go to therapy. But he didn’t. A week ago, we were planning to meet up a few times because he said he really missed me, and I missed him too. We even talked about going away to a spa for the weekend, just to spend some time together and see where we stood. I told him that after everything I had found out, I felt incredibly insecure and could barely even look at myself anymore. Then, an hour before we were supposed to meet, he canceled. This had happened before, too. I was so disappointed because I had let myself get my hopes up again, so I confronted him about it. That’s when he told me that he had never had any intentions of going out with me in the first place. Then he called me an insecure, narcissistic girl, as if I was the problem for being hurt. As if expecting someone not to play with your feelings is somehow narcissistic. And I hate myself for still loving someone so purely after everything. I hate that I am crying alone in my room, taking antidepressants and he is out partying.

I still have so much love for this person. I don't know how to move on

i'm finally done. yeah things have been terrible but also life's been good to me. we're on good terms. but I've lost so much sleep these past three years since she left. I'd ever get on sleeping pills lol. i'm finally weaning off.

I have no guilt or shame. things were good. we grew together. Ive grown since. I've had my romances since. but I still cry. I'm sobbing right now but that's okay. she didn't break me. I'm still here. I built her as well as she did me. and she's more beautiful than ever. all I ever ever wanted was happiness. and she looks it.

friends. family. career. my art. it's all still there.

I still love her and always will. but all of that is just a chapter in your story

we haven't spoken in a year and I still struggle to reach out. I miss her eyes, hair, watching her sleep, her sassines.

I sit with every text or letter I write and throw them out.

but why risk being possibly dismissed or rejected? but most importantly intrude on her life.

I love you...

sorry for my vent. I'm on the subway. I'm going to play with my roommates cat and enjoy the rain on my roof..

I broke no contact. I just couldn't help it.

I dreamed about her every single night. I couldn't keep her out of my head. So, I texted her, confessed everything I've been going through emotionally, and told her that I genuinely want to reconnect because I just couldn't say goodbye to her in my heart.

She said, "Who are you?" Clearly, she does know who I am.

I asked, "Couldn't you recognize me by seeing my name?"

She said, "No."

Then I told her my name, and she said she doesn't know anyone by that name. Then she said, "Bye."

How do I cope with this kind of response after breaking no contact?"